


Blue Ain't Your Color

by WolvenFighter



Series: Men of No Nation [2]
Category: Red Dead Redemption (Video Games)
Genre: Anal Sex, Arthur is actually the father, Bisexual Arthur Morgan, Bottom John Marston, But no one else knows, Casual Sex, Conspiracy, Distrust, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Sex, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Feels, John and Arthur are OTP dont worry, M/M, Multi, Past Relationship(s), Period Typical Attitudes, Period-Typical Homophobia, Porn With Plot, Pre-Canon, Pre-Video Game: Red Dead Redemption 2 (2018), Red Dead Redemption 2 Spoilers, Rival Relationship, Sexual Tension, Slow Burn, Switch Arthur Morgan, Top Dutch van der Linde, Unplanned Pregnancy, Unresolved Sexual Tension, Vaginal Sex, some canon changes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-19
Updated: 2020-06-19
Packaged: 2020-09-07 09:16:07
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 35
Words: 189,155
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20307085
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WolvenFighter/pseuds/WolvenFighter
Summary: 1894.Four years after the events which changed the Van der Linde Gang forever, the family settles out west.  New relationships and new sorrows test the bonds of the family with dark secrets... Arthur Morgan, a man with everything and nothing, John Marston, a man with untamed demons, and Abigail Roberts... The woman that ties them all together.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I'm such a fucking liar I know. I truly was going to take a break and compose myself but I literally stayed up for twenty-four hours writing this fic because the words wouldn't stop. You all can breathe a sigh of relief, I have made multiple chapters in advanced, so at least for now, you'll have steady uploads.
> 
> As for this fic, I'm really leaning towards some Dutch x Arthur, but do not fear, John and Arthur will always reign supreme. Everything happens for a reason. I don't know how long it'll be, I'm just gonna go with my gut as I did with the last part.
> 
> Without further adieu, enjoy Part 2 of Men of No Nation!  
-Eros

_1894_

The feeling of lead scraping away at the parchment beneath his fingers, ocean eyes blinked as he scribbled gently against the leather-bound journal that he kept so close to his body... _Almost _everyone who had looked in it before was dead... Not exactly by his hand but that kept most of his dysfunctional family away.

_Blink._

This all felt familiar, craning his head upwards almost as if feeling like he was in a flashback, Arthur breathed out as he looked out to their current camp. They had just crossed through unamerican lands, losing any law that was searching for them before only to try and start anew in Nevada... Why Nevada? Arthur would never understand, they were about an hour away from Virginia City, a once was mining town that had turned into a cesspool for criminal activity, even though it was Arthur's understanding that they were trying to start over legitimately having been run out of Colorado _and _Nebraska...

Life had been eventful and subsequently not horrible as of late... Dutch was still Dutch, he had taken Arthur's advice with going one day at a time. Arthur had moved into Dutch's tent after Annabelle's death, mostly just because Arthur was concerned about Dutch's wellbeing and... It was convenient after John.

Just thinking of John made Arthur's heckles rise slightly, to say their relationship was never the same was an understatement, they were constantly butting heads and whenever they were both in camp at the same times there was tension even after four fucking years... Arthur _tried, _he really did but no matter what, John never let him off the hook and in all honesty, Arthur didn't blame him.

Arthur shook his head to remove the unpleasant thoughts out of his mind before glancing back to his journal.

_August 14th, 1894_

_I never thought I would be so happy back in governed lands after being off American soil, we learned that the only people out there are out to kill ya or rob ya, no in-between. While civilization may not be for me, I'm glad to be back in the land of the free. Despite the last few weeks being mostly uneventful, you're way more likely to be killed in your sleep out there than here. It's been a while since I've seen Dutch smile so much, he took John to the city to gather some information, probably to separate us... I'm gonna kill that kid._

Arthur scoffed and rolled his eyes, no matter what, he couldn't get away from his demons.

Multiple people asked what had happened between he and John but without spilling the dirty little secrets of their torrid affair, most everyone was left to a mystery and Arthur made a point to make everyone drop it if it was ever brought up. Arthur slapped his journal shut and slipped the book into his bag.

A lot had changed in the few years that they had been on the run... With the unfortunate passing of Bessie only a year after losing dear Annabelle, Hosea had been in a bottle ever since; he was only just recently starting to get his head back, but they had been very lucky in the years after. Mary-Beth, Tilly Jackson, and Karen Jones stuck around after all the shit as did Bill Williamson.

"Mister Morgan!" Miss Grimshaw called, this felt familiar too, but turning his attention to her as she stormed towards him, he only wondered what he was in trouble for this time.

"Miss Grimshaw, to what do I owe the pleasure?" he asked.

"Oh shut up, have you seen the girls?" She asked, Arthur arched a brow.

"Uh no, I haven't, why?" Arthur inquired, Susan huffed and threw her hands up in exasperation.

"I swear those girls get lazier by the day! There are still chores to be done around here without them runnin' off to god knows where. I cannot do all this myself!" She bellowed.

"Jeez Miss Grimshaw calm down! How about this... Lemme go into town, I need to go meet up with Dutch anyway, if I see them I'll send them straight home alright?" Arthur asked, hoping to calm the beast in front of him, Susan settled her icy glare on him momentarily before her gaze softened and she sighed.

"... I suppose that'll do... I'm sorry Arthur, I know this ain't your fault... It's not even really their fault either." She muttered exhaustedly.

"We haven't been near any town or any other people for months... I think we're all just a little on edge." Arthur mentioned, pulling out a cigarette and handing Susan one, to which she snatched quickly, inhaling deeply as Arthur lit it for her.

"I know... I'm sorry I didn't mean to holler I just... Think I needed to holler." She stated, Arthur nodded as he lit his own cigarette.

"Yeah, I know... John does too." He scoffed absentmindedly.

"Oh Arthur, shouldn't the shit between you two be put to bed already? It's been goin' on for years." She questioned, side-eyeing him.

"Tell him that!" Arthur groaned, but before they could start talking about their dysfunctional relationship, Arthur reached up, wiping sweat from his brow. "Speakin' of John though, did Dutch mention anywhere specific he was goin'?" Arthur inquired.

"If you're lookin' for Dutch, he said he was headin' to the Hawkeye Bar in the outskirts of town." Hosea suddenly piped up, both Arthur and Susan quickly turned their heads toward him as he approached, eyes bloodshot and hair tousled.

Arthur was surprised, to say the least, he had to fill both his own and Hosea's shoes after Bessie's death, it wasn't often that Hosea spoke but in the last few months, he seemed to come around everyone else more often. He had become nearly a recluse and was always found at the bottom of a bottle somewhere around camp one way or another. Arthur was relieved if he was honest, he was worried they would eventually lose Hosea to the drink, it was nice to see that he was possibly making a comeback.

"Well, thanks... You wanna come?" Arthur offered, he had been trying to get Hosea back in the saddle since _last year_, he wasn't holding his breath.

"Nah... You know where I'll be." Hosea muttered, swiftly departing the conversation before it could get started, Susan frowned and sighed.

"Can't say you're surprised..." Arthur murmured.

"I ain't but... This has been goin' on long enough, he's been feelin' sorry for himself for two _years_... You and Dutch need to talk to him." Susan said, sending a pointed look over to Arthur who gulped slightly.

"W-Well... In all fairness, he did lose his wife." Arthur defended.

"Yes, but when-" Susan paused and glanced around before quieting her voice. "... But when Dutch lost Annabelle he didn't lay around camp while life went on without him... It took some time but we couldn't afford to lose him so he stopped wallowin' in his self-pity, obviously, Hosea doesn't see that or care enough seein' as you had to take over... Dutch ain't perfect but he's not Hosea." She argued, despite not wanting to admit it, she had a point, and while Arthur didn't exactly plan on talking to Hosea about his behavior like an interrogation, he would bring it up to Dutch just for good measure.

"... I'll think about it, but for now, I need to get to that bar, try not to work yourself too hard Miss Grimshaw, we need you just as much." He said, reaching over and placing a hand on her shoulder gently, he was relieved to see a small smile form on her features, Susan wasn't appreciated nearly as much as she should be and Arthur knew.

"Thank you, Arthur." She said, reaching up and placing her palm on the back of his hand, nodding to him.

Arthur nodded back before he began walking towards the hitching post outside of the camp where he last left his horse. When they arrived at this location, Arthur took off his reins and saddle so he could graze freely for the first time in over a month. When Arthur reached the post and the silver horse was nowhere to be seen, Arthur frowned before he reached up and placed his fingers in his mouth and whistling for the beast.

"C'mon Admiral!" He called as he finished his cigarette, but when his horse didn't come, Arthur felt panic beginning to rise in his heart.

Despite The Admiral being one son-of-a-bitch of a horse, he was loyal and Arthur had bonded to him deeply in the years they had been runnin' together, not knowing where he was, put Arthur at extreme unease. Thankfully as Pearson was cutting up meat for their meal tonight he saw Arthur beginning to look around frantically and called out to him.

"You lookin' for your horse?" He called, Arthur snapped his head in Pearson's direction.

"No I'm waitin' to sprout wings, yes I'm lookin' for my damn horse." Arthur growled.

"John took it when he went with Dutch." Pearson informed, almost regretting it as he saw a vein pop out of Arthur's head.

"Why isn't his horse good enough!?" Arthur snapped.

"You know that no one else can keep up with The Count except The Admiral, and Dutch was itchin' to get to that town... I think it was Dutch's idea." Pearson explained, hoping to spare John from an untimely death.

"I'm gonna kill 'em _both_." He snarled before stomping towards John's horse that was still hitched in camp, it was the horse that Arthur had bought him and she was a good reliable horse, but she wasn't The Count _or _The Admiral.

Once Arthur was on her back he directed her towards Virginia City, he had a rough idea of where he was heading but he had never been this far west before. It was reminding him of the grizzlies but this place was far more unforgiving, one night it's below freezing and the very next day it's sweltering hot. He could see the smoke from the mine in the distance, the mine had been dry for years but they couldn't give up on it after so much money was sunk into it, they were laying off more miners by the week.

The streets were lined with beggars, Arthur truly didn't see the appeal of coming here, but looking ahead as he followed the main road, he could see the bolded words: **Hawkeye Saloon**. At least he made it in one piece, and he could see his horse hitched next to Dutch's and he felt immensely better. He hitched John's horse next to The Admiral who seemed far more at ease with Arthur there, he quickly went to the horse and ran a hand over the beast's snout.

"You scared me you damn oaf." He grumbled to no one in particular, reaching into his pocket and handing the horse a carrot before venturing inside, still fuming about his horse being taken without his permission.

It wasn't difficult to find John and Dutch who were at the bar swooning some cheap working girls and laughing, which only pissed Arthur off more. However, remembering Susan's words, Arthur did his best and took a breath before walking towards them. John's face did a 180 as soon as he saw Arthur coming, they were immediately having a glaring contest as Dutch turned towards Arthur's direction, throwing his arms out happily.

"Arthur my brother! Glad to see ya, we just found a woman for you." He chortled, Arthur subtly rolled his eyes.

"Thank you but I'm fine, I'd like to know why _my _horse wasn't at camp when I went lookin' for him." He stated, though his sentence sounded more passive-aggressive than he meant to come off originally... So much for trying.

"Ask Dutch, it's not like you were using him anyway." John replied just as snarkily, which only caused the vein in Arthur's forehead to pop out again.

"Alright, boys that's enough." Dutch warned as he felt the tension rising once again, looking to Arthur apologetically. "I'm sorry Arthur, but it was my idea... We were just on the road for so long I just... Needed to go." He explained, Arthur managed to take another breath and calm himself down before looking to John, finally taking the high road for once.

"... I left Gypsy outside for you." He said shortly but he did his best not to sound confrontational, and he watched carefully as John looked for a reason to be an asshole and eventually being disappointed when he came up short.

"... Thanks." John replied just as shortly.

Arthur was relieved that John accepted his meager peace offering for the moment, finally turning back to Dutch.

"We need to talk about Hosea... I thought you came here for legitimate business but since you obviously did not, I don't suppose I could steal some of your precious time?" Arthur asked, frowning at Dutch who groaned, reaching up and pinching the bridge of his nose.

"Come on, Arthur we _just _got here this mornin'... Can't you let me have a little peace?" He asked.

"He's incapable." John scoffed to the side, poking a jab at Arthur as always.

Frustration was an understatement, he felt like a goddamn babysitter looking after a group of toddlers with guns. Arthur turned away so that he didn't end up punching either man in the nose. While Dutch had been doing better emotionally, he had been a little all over the place the last few weeks, Arthur knew it was due to the confinement of the wilderness, hell, he felt cooped up too, but he also knew there were more pressing matters to attend to rather than fucking a dirty hooker for mere cents and getting plastered.

"Fine... I gotta find the girls anyway, but when I get back, we _need _to talk." Arthur compromised, narrowing his eyes at Dutch as he turned back, challenging Dutch to blow him off again, thankfully Dutch surrendered.

"Alright, alright... Deal. I will be here when you get back." He promised.

"And I'm takin' _my _horse." Arthur spat for good measure as he walked away.

Nearly throwing the doors to the saloon open he took a few steps outside before he rested his hands at his hips. This was ridiculous, why the hell was it _his _sole responsibility to keep tabs on everyone? He huffed knowing he offered to find the girls but this was driving him crazy. Hopefully, in a few days, things would get back to normal now that they had options to escape from each other when things got strained.

Arthur was just happy to get out of the bar until he remembered he had absolutely no clue where the girls could possibly be until searching deep in his brain.

_Did they mention wanting to go anywhere..? _He thought as he climbed on top of The Admiral's back, which felt much more comfortable.

It took a few minutes as he guided his horse down the street, glancing from shop to shop. He knew that he wanted a bath, perhaps he would take one before returning to babysitting duty, it would definitely take a lot off of him before facing Dutch again. He needed to go to the barber too, he sported a beard well but he didn't like his face being constantly itchy.

As he passed a boutique, a memory hit him and he pulled back on The Admiral gently as he thought hard.

_I dunno about you girls, but I'm heading to a shop as soon as we get back to civilization, I don't think I own anything that ain't been torn to shreds for one reason or the next..._

Arthur hummed and parked The Admiral outside the store before he walked up to the door. He didn't fancy going into a woman's clothing store but he pushed the door open, watching the woman at the counter look to him and pale. He quickly brought his hands up to calm her.

"I'm not here for trouble..." He said, the woman seemed to settle and she sighed in relief.

"Sorry, I just don't see many... People your type coming in my store, usually they're demanding _protection _money." She sighed.

"Protection money?" He inquired. "There a gang in the area?" He asked.

"Which one?" The woman scoffed. "You not from around here?" She asked, Arthur quickly rethought any more questions, he didn't want to draw attention to himself.

"Yeah, me and my crew, we was laid off a few months back, we came west lookin' for work." He explained.

"Sorry to say but you're not gonna find work here unless you're bounty hunting... The mine is dried up, they're layin' off more people than their hirin'..." She explained wearily. "Lots of businesses been closing."

"That's too bad... Thanks for the tip, but that's not what I came here for, I was curious if you saw a group of women, two white, one dark, you woulda probably remembered them." Arthur conversed casually, the woman hummed as she thought but shook her head.

"Don't recall meetin' anyone new besides you, but there are a few other boutiques in town, you could try them." She mentioned.

"Where might they be?" Arthur asked.

The clerk was kind enough to mark Arthur's map of the other boutiques in town, and he knew she was likely to be the last friendly face he would meet with for a while. There were five others in total, and while Arthur didn't appreciate being on a wild goose chase, anything was better than being near John.

Arthur's gut clenched at the thought as he remembered how good they used to be, but thankfully he rode up on the third boutique on his list. He was preparing for it to be a false hope as well but as he was riding up, he watched none other than Karen, Tilly and Mary-Beth walk out of the store, all laughing and smiling until they saw Arthur.

"Good afternoon ladies." He greeted a bit unamusedly.

"Hey, Arthur." Tilly greeted nervously.

"Y-You wouldn't happen to be lookin' for us would ya?" Karen asked.

"Why would I be lookin' for ya'll? You disappear as soon as we get within arms reach of town and Miss Grimshaw is at camp, screamin' at _me_." Arthur countered as he climbed off of his horse and approaching the three women who all had nervous smiles plastered on their faces as his scalding hot glare landed on them.

"Alright, Arthur... You caught us." Mary-Beth sighed. "W-We know we shoulda helped set up before takin' off but-"

"But Grimshaw is two words away from being roasted on a spit." Karen interrupted with a huff.

"Karen." Mary-Beth warned.

"Come on, Arthur. You don't gotta pretend she ain't drivin' you crazy when she ain't even here." Karen argued, Arthur sighed and ran a hand over his face.

"That ain't the point... You know we all gotta pitch in and annoyin' or not, without her we wouldn't have a camp for ya'll to abandon..." He chided.

"Alright, alright... We won't do it again but _please _don't send us back yet." Karen begged. "Just a little longer! I promise we'll work extra hard when we get back but please just let us be free a little longer."

"Yeah, please Arthur?" Tilly asked.

"Please?" Mary-Beth parroted.

While Arthur wanted to stay angry and wear the iron fist... He didn't blame them. If Dutch and John could goof off, so could the girls.

"Fine, fine... But I expect you to keep your promise about workin' hard when you get back." He compromised. "And try not to be gone too long..." He added as the girls screeched happily and all hugged him and kissed his cheek before running off.

Arthur watched them escape him before he shook his head and rubbed his eyes. Now, he definitely needed a bath and a haircut, he mounted his horse once more and looked for the nearest barber and hotel. He needed to decompress and he needed a shave, he ended up finding the barbershop first, he sat in the chair and closed his eyes as the barber went to work on his beard and then chopping some length off his hair.

He was actually thankful to have cut his hair before he bathed, it was less he had to worry about drying. Reaching up and feeling his clean-shaven jawline he felt like a new man already... Trudging into the nearest hotel he tossed a quarter onto the counter before he ducked into the back to find an open room.

When he found a room, he was so relieved to be by himself for the first time in months. He shed all the layers of his clothing and slipped into the hot water, he was so fucking comfortable he could have stayed for hours, but unfortunately, he still had other things to do. He dipped his head underwater briefly, getting his hair wet and scrubbing his face gently as someone knocked at the door. Arthur hastily looked to make sure his gun was still within reach before he answered.

"Who is it?" He asked.

"Just a woman wondering if you needed any assistance in there." A female voice responded, Arthur considered declining but he could really use a massage and he wasn't in a hurry to get back to the bar.

"Sure, come on in, but a fair warning, I'm not cheap." he chuckled.

The door opened to reveal a rather attractive woman, her hair was jet black pulled up in a messy bun, her eyes were crystal pools and her dress flowed fluidly behind her. She was truly beautiful and he was even more glad that he chopped his hair off beforehand.

"Neither am I." She replied sassily but in good humor.

"In my pocket there's-"

"Don't worry... I can tell you're good for it." She interrupted, only interesting Arthur further.

"You sure?" He asked.

"Should I second guess myself?" She inquired, arching a brow.

"... Guess we'll see." he teased lightly, sending a small smirk to her, she paused but took a seat next to Arthur's tub.

"How can I make your time any more relaxing?" She inquired.

"Mind actually just rubbin' my shoulders?" He asked. "Just got into town, was travelin' a while..." He yawned.

"Oh, of course." She said, almost seeming surprised at the innocent request but she scooted towards Arthur as he leaned forward.

Her hands felt delicate on his skin as she kneaded into Arthur's back, he did his best not to make any noise since he was naked underneath the sudsy water, he didn't want to risk making this woman uncomfortable. He couldn't help but groan as she worked on a rather tight part of his back.

"I've never felt someone so tense in my life." She marveled.

"I'm not surprised." Arthur chuckled tiredly as he grunted. "Been carryin' a lot on my shoulders." He mentioned.

"How so?" She asked casually.

"Well, our crew got laid off from our factory out east and we been travelin' to find work... We've been runnin' on the bare minimum lately and it's been tough." he explained.

"I couldn't imagine... Though I don't think you'll find much out here." The woman stated.

"Yeah, already had one shop owner tell me that... I suppose we'll go north." Arthur listlessly murmured, he had no clue what they were gonna do if they wanted to lay low.

"I hear it's goin' well up that way." She mentioned, Arthur was exhausted thinking about it, but thankfully the woman's hands took away from his stress.

There was silence for a few minutes as the woman rubbed Arthur's back, neck, and shoulders... She would occasionally graze his collar bone and he wasn't sure if she was sending him a signal or if she wasn't, and he wasn't confident enough to ask. He wasn't looking for love anyway... While Arthur _did _visit brothels on occasion his taste was something dangerous... Not that he didn't sleep with women.

Ever since he was with John, his thirst for men was intolerable, specifically John. Despite him being a little shit, Arthur still found himself holding back urges that plagued him on the daily... A few times a year he would catch himself slinking away from camp long enough to find a male prostitute to sleep with when he was really desperate, but he was usually able to stretch out those kinds of indulgences and make them last.

"You're a hard thinker, aren't you?" The woman asked, sucking Arthur out of his shameful thoughts, he chuckled.

"I suppose so... I can't help it." he replied.

"It's nice to see a man with a head on his shoulders rather than relyin' on the one between his legs." She giggled, Arthur glanced over to her and smirked.

"Oh trust me, I rely on him plenty." He snickered, watching her blush slightly, her hands slowing briefly before resuming their pace on Arthur's shoulders, he had obviously caught her off guard.

"W-Well... You can rely on it as long as you know how to use it." She huffed, challenging Arthur playfully.

"Guess you're right... You wanna find out?" Arthur inquired, his eyes scanning her form quickly.

"I-I... Well, I would but that's my night job." She revealed, shocking Arthur.

"You? A workin' girl?" He asked, watching her visage shift to discomfort.

"Yeah... You gotta problem with that?" She asked.

"No, forgive me I was just surprised." Arthur responded, hoping he didn't offend her.

"Surprised?"

"Yeah, some of the women I've seen around here for pay are... Not you." He tried to explain politely but he couldn't help his tone hinting at his attraction to her.

"Well I ain't cheap, I told you." She replied with a smirk of her own, Arthur couldn't help but chuckle.

"That you did." He said.

"Besides, I don't even know your name... I may be a-workin' girl but I have standards." She snorted.

"Whoa there, I see how it is." Arthur laughed before he stretched slightly, the water was beginning to cool and he needed to be on his way, he turned his head over to her and offered his signature lopsided smile. "Trust me, ma'am, you do not look cheap and if I wasn't needed I would stick around... But unfortunately, I gotta get goin'... But thank you for your time." He mused, the woman smiled, blushing a bit more subtly this time but she nodded.

"Of course... Thank you for bein' a gentleman... For the most part." She teased as she stood and walked towards the door before she stopped and looked behind her shoulder to Arthur. "... If you're ever lookin' for some company, feel free to look for me later." She said, sending a flirtatious wink at Arthur before slinking out of the room to give Arthur some privacy.

He snickered and shook his head before he stood up and grabbed a towel, scrubbing his hair with it and soaking up the water on his body. Once he was changed Arthur wanted to kick himself, he realized he never asked for her name... That and he wanted to give her a tip for giving him a good time. He walked out of the room and walked down the hall, glancing into the open rooms and cursing himself when he didn't find her but when he walked upfront only to see her folding towels at the counter he stopped in his tracks.

She continued folding quietly until she hesitated and looked behind her only to see Arthur standing there, she turned her body towards him and looked him up and down before humming.

"You look rather different with your clothes on Mister..?"

"Callahan, Arthur Callahan, Miss..?"

"... Roberts, Abigail Roberts." She introduced.

There was a hitch in the air as the two stood there looking at one another almost as if lost in a trance. Eventually, Arthur did blink and walked around to the other side of the counter and reached into his satchel, pulling out a few extra coins and placing them on the counter to pay for the deluxe service before walking back to Abigail and pulling out a few dollar bills and handing them to her. Her brows instantly raised and she looked defensive at first.

"It ain't what you think." Arthur said quickly. "... Just a tip." He added, she seemed less offended but not inclined to take it.

"I-I don't want to make you think... W-Well I don't owe you nothin'." She stammered nervously.

"Of course... Not if you don't want to." He said calmly. "If you want, you can just take it and take the night off for a change or... If you want... You can just pay me back later." He hummed softly, as to not embarrass either of them, but Abigail relaxed and eyed the money and then eyed Arthur.

"... I suppose I can save you a time whenever is best for you." She replied, reaching out and taking the money from Arthur, their hands grazing as she did so and meeting Arthur's admiring gaze with her own.

"I have to be honest... I dunno if I'll ever have time." He chuckled a bit tiredly, she shrugged in response.

"Well, just think of it as a guarantee... If you have time then you have me, if not... Th-Thank you." She said, her eyes radiating genuine relief as she looked to the bills in her hand.

"You're welcome... I'll hold you to that." He mused.

"You won't have to I'll be more than willin'." She giggled as Arthur walked towards the door.

Arthur spared one last glance to Abigail before he walked back out to The Admiral, he rolled his neck and grinned as he got on the beast's back. That was a major boost to his confidence, it was nice to know that he still got it, it made him feel better about returning to the bar... Until he realized that both Dutch's _and _John's horses were gone. He rushed into the building just in case their horses were ripped off but no... They were gone.

Just like that Arthur's mood was sour all over again. Of course, they would do that, he was not even gone for two and a half hours! Arthur stood there in the saloon fuming for a moment before he stormed back out. Fuck this. He was done playing the baby sitter and he was done picking up everyone's messes. He thought about returning to Abigail but she was working her day job and he didn't want to overstay his welcome... She was extremely beautiful and was feisty to boot, which only made her more attractive.

Maybe he would just give in and leave after supper to cash in his favor to her, why in the hell shouldn't he?

The ride back to camp helped Arthur simmer down a bit but he was still fuming when he returned. Neither John nor Dutch were back but he was pleasantly surprised to see the girls back and working without complaints. He approached a hitching post and tied The Admiral down before he reached up and pet the large animal.

"I should figure out how to lock you down..." he grumbled to the horse before walking back into camp.

"I see you found your horse." Susan observed.

"I did." Arthur replied shortly as he went to walk passed her.

"... Thank you for talkin' to the girls, Arthur." She said, stopping Arthur's path of destruction at least for the moment. "... I know everyone just sees me as a thorn in their side but... Thank you for understanding my position." She thanked genuinely, Arthur almost blushed and shook his head.

"Y-You don't have to-"

"Yes, I do... We all should." She huffed. "... You've been pullin' a lot of weight lately and no one saw it, not even me." She sighed shamefully.

"... That's what I'm good at, Miss Grimshaw." Arthur chuckled tiredly before turning to face the rest of the group and watched them working together. "... If I don't, who will?" He asked.

"... I hear that." She muttered, watching Arthur walk away toward the tent that he shared with Dutch, he needed a nap desperately.

> A falling star fell from your heart and landed in my eyes  
I screamed aloud, as it tore through them, and now it's left me blind
> 
> The stars, the moon, they have all been blown out  
You left me in the dark  
No dawn, no day, I'm always in this twilight  
In the shadow of your heart
> 
> And in the dark, I can hear your heartbeat  
I tried to find the sound  
But then it stopped, and I was in the darkness,  
So darkness I became
> 
> The stars, the moon, they have all been blown out  
You left me in the dark  
No dawn, no day, I'm always in this twilight  
In the shadow of your heart
> 
> I took the stars from our eyes, and then I made a map  
And knew that somehow I could find my way back  
Then I heard your heart beating, you were in the darkness too  
So I stayed in the darkness with you
> 
> The stars, the moon, they have all been blown out  
You left me in the dark  
No dawn, no day, I'm always in this twilight  
In the shadow of your heart
> 
> The stars, the moon, they have all been blown out  
You left me in the dark  
No dawn, no day, I'm always in this twilight  
In the shadow of your heart
> 
> source: [Cosmic Love by Florence + The Machine](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1TG4LBBXedc)


	2. Chapter 2

Arthur didn't remember falling asleep, but when he woke up to the sound of shouting, his brows furrowed as he reached up and rubbed the sleep out of his eyes. He couldn't exactly understand what was being said but he could tell whoever it was, was angry...

"Arthur's been runnin' this camp while ya'll play around and drink yourselves stupid!" Susan yowled.

"We only just got here!" Dutch argued as Arthur nearly rolled off his cot to try and get out there to intervene once he heard his name.

"Oh don't gimme that he's been runnin' this camp for weeks. You dragged us into those godforsaken mountains and just left us floundering! Whenever anything gets hard around here, Arthur has to take over for all three of you and it's got to stop!" She yelled at John, Dutch and Hosea.

Arthur finally threw open the tent flap a tad more dramatically and less dignified than he was intending... Which made everyone shift their attention fully onto him in silence as he stood there still partially blind from sleep. He cleared his throat and reached up, slicking his hair back and shaking his head as he tried salvaging any pride he had left.

"What the hell is goin' on out here?" He finally asked.

"Just sayin' what we're really feelin'..." Susan growled softly, it seemed to be the women against the men and Arthur didn't like where this was heading.

"And what's that?" Arthur asked tiredly as he sauntered forward passed Dutch and John to get some whiskey, he'd need it.

"That you do the real work." Karen chimed in with a small snicker.

"Well, Arthur, you sure been busy turnin' everyone against me... I told you we'd talk after you got back from-"

"You were _gone_, Dutch." Arthur hissed, his entire body suddenly turning towards Dutch, not even willing to entertain any of his shit.

After everything he had done for this family, Dutch had the _nerve _to insinuate that he was conspiring against him _publicly. _Dutch had betrayed Arthur before, but not like this... He could have shot Dutch, which is what ultimately made Arthur back down.

"You know what?" Arthur asked, breaking the silence. "... Fuck you." He spat at Dutch before looking to John. "And fuck you." He said before turning his back and beginning to walk towards The Admiral.

"N-Now wait, son." Dutch stammered, realizing the damage he had just done, but it was too late.

"W-Wait Arthur! Please don't go!" Mary-Beth called, but the plea fell on deaf ears as he mounted his horse and galloped away without a second thought.

How fucking _dare_ Dutch lie about him right to his face! In front of everyone no less! This was way above his pay grade and this wasn't worth all the grief he was getting. Arthur never complained about the work he put into the camp, but he had noticed that he was carrying way more than he was being paid, and not necessarily just money sake. He had been everyone's verbal punching back because he was the strongest person anyone could rely on... But he was tired of not being able to rely on anyone else, even though it wasn't like Arthur to want such a thing, he was tired of it being _expected _of him.

How had he not realized things were going to shit? Of course they hadn't gotten attacked in the last two weeks of their travels through the mountains but the turmoil of the camp had considerably shifted after Arthur had to lead the party to safety after Dutch's rash decisions had caused them to get lost deep in the wilderness three weeks into their journey, and when he wasn't leading them astray, he was drinking himself stupid with Hosea, John, Bill, and Uncle. It wasn't like Dutch to be useless but every time Arthur tried to talk to Dutch about it he was met with stubbornness and pride, eventually leading Arthur to give up and take the reins.

He didn't want to lead the family, he would never dream of trying to oust Dutch from his position unless he had no other choice, and while Dutch had been insufferably annoying as of late, Arthur didn't think he was beyond help. Hopefully, now Dutch would realize what a piece of shit he was being and actually take a look at his own behavior... Although he knew to expect that of Dutch was wishful thinking. John's pride was a tough adversary but Dutch's? No contest.

Arthur rode into town just as the sun had set over the horizon, it was obvious how much the city had suffered, on the outskirts where he was riding in, there was no electricity, the roads were lit by torches despite there being lamps aligning the roads. However, as he retraced his steps to the hotel where he met Abigail, he crossed over into _the light_. Now he understood why Abigail reiterated that she wasn't cheap, she was working in a higher classed part of town, Arthur almost considered her lucky after some of the beggars he saw.

When he sauntered into the hotel, the clerk glanced up as he approached the counter.

"I'm lookin' for Abigail Roberts?" He asked.

"She works durin' the day, she's not here." The bookkeeper replied, disheartening Arthur.

"You have any idea where I could find her?" Arthur questioned.

"That whore? The Grand Northern Brewery where all the workers go to rob rich drunks. She mentioned someone would be asking." The man snickered, Arthur's eyebrow twitched before he walked forward and rested his hands on the counter, making the man's face drop slightly.

"... What did you just say?" He asked, he wasn't in the mood to deal with any ignorance.

"... Nothin, just said you'll probably see her at the Grand Northern." The man replied, satisfying Arthur, who smiled at the response.

"Good man. Mind telling me where that is?"

Wow, the people here were so kind! Arthur rode towards the building marked on his map it was about a ten-minute ride, he hadn't felt this free in years. Arthur knew he wasn't in the market for a wife nor anything serious, but Abigail seemed like a good woman, and right now he could use a connection that he wouldn't have to deal with the morning after.

When he walked into the bar, he felt a little underdressed, most of the people here were in ritzy tuxes and fancy dresses. Now it made sense as to why she took being a working girl here, she could score if she picked the right drunk. Arthur walked forward into the bar, receiving stares and slight scowls from a few patrons as he approached the bar, feeling no shame. A man in a white suit suddenly came to his side, looking a tad disheveled.

"Excuse me, sir." He scoffed, watching Arthur turn his head over casually. "... There is a dress code here, if you cannot dress appropriately I have to ask that you leave." He explained passive-aggressively.

"A dress code? You shittin' me?" Arthur asked. "How you know I'm not just as well off as any of these snobs?" He asked, bluffing of course.

"Well, unless you have anyone to vouch for you I must still insist that you-"

"He's with me." A familiar female voice interrupted, the servant looked over Arthur's shoulder making Arthur copy him, seeing Abigail adorned in a rather expensive looking dress. "He's my brother." She added, meeting Arthur's gaze convincing Arthur to go along with this.

"... Exactly, you see? I just came here to give my sister something... If you'll excuse us." He snorted, walking over to Abigail, seeing her smile up at him before she led him out the side door away from prying eyes. "Didn't wanna mess up your action?" He asked, Abigail blushed and chuckled softly.

"I-I hope you understand..." She murmured.

"Of course, I wouldn't wanna be seen with me either." He teased, Abigail laughed and gently reached over, swatting his bicep gently.

"Stop it! You know I don't mean it like that." She snickered. "... My business is based on me being single and available, and... Not associating with-..." She muttered, pausing as she tried not to be rude.

"People like me?" Arthur asked, only amused.

"Yeah, but I don't mean that in a bad way... You saw the way they treat normal people... God forbid I mingle with the common folk." She sighed, wrapping her arms around Arthur's as they walked down the sidewalk.

"I get it, you don't have to make explain yourself, ya know." He said, she reminded him of John at the beginning of their... Whatever it was.

"Thanks... I just didn't wanna offend you." She stated.

"Trust me, darlin'... I'm beyond getting offended tonight." He huffed out a chortle as she guided him into a nice looking hotel, much bigger than the previous one where they had met.

The building seemed to be about five stories high, it seemed expensive, Arthur definitely felt out of place but they didn't have to traverse any stairs. Abigail's room was on the first floor and despite that her room wasn't as fancy as the rooms on the upper floors, it was still the nicest hotel room Arthur had ever been in. The room was about the side of the whole lobby of the previous hotel and even had its own bath.

"Wow." Arthur commented.

"Now you see why I really ain't cheap." She chuckled, Arthur snickered in response as he looked to her.

"It's not like you have to... Work every night right? I'm sure those fellas pay nice, especially when drunk." He questioned, becoming concerned when Abigail frowned.

"I-I wish but most of the thugs in town know I'm not actually wealthy, I have to pay them protection money which usually takes most of my earnings." She sighed.

"Whose takin' everyone's money?" Arthur asked as they went and sat on her bed.

"More like whose not..." Abigail snorted. "You got the workers that were laid off that turned into a little faction of their own, they're usually in Darkside, then you got the damn police who exploit people like me, and then you got the psychotic freaks in the woods robbing and killing travelers, a newer gang is moving into the area from Montana, a real bold bunch called... I think it was The Ravens." Abigail recounted.

"Christ, well, believe it or not, you've helped me a lot." He said, knowing now that he would _have _to go back to tell Dutch this information, the thought made Arthur lay on his back and release a sigh of frustration.

"That sounded stressful." Abigail commented, turning her body to face him and smiling down at him as Arthur wrapped his arms behind his head.

"It was." He groaned.

"... You mentioned not having time... What changed?" Abigail inquired.

"Ah, it's a long and pathetic story I'll spare you the details... I just stopped carrying so much dead weight." He explained, getting excited as Abigail swung her leg over Arthur's hips to straddle him. "... You look gorgeous, I don't blame you for working at that bar." He teased, slowly sitting up so he was face to face with Abigail.

"I don't work there every night..." She giggled as she blushed and leaned in, her lips brushing against his tantalizingly. "... But I may have told my boss to tell you where to find me... And went there lookin' for you." She whispered against his lips.

Arthur couldn't wait any longer, he leaned in and pressed his lips against hers... Her lips were so soft and her hands were so gentle as they rested on his shoulders, his hands sneaking behind her to slowly unzip her dress, changing the position of his lips from her lips to her neck. Hearing her sigh quietly into the silent room, it only encouraged Arthur to continue.

When Abigail reached in and began to unbutton Arthur's shirt, he suddenly grabbed ahold of her thighs and held her in place before standing up to Abigail's surprise. He swiftly switched their positions around, laying Abigail on the bed on her back, she giggled in anticipation. Arthur stood up straight, panting softly as he looked down at her, his shaft flexing in his trousers as he reached up to his shirt and finished what Abigail had started and she seemed to have the same idea since she began slipping her dress off.

Arthur regretted a lot of things in his life... But he wouldn't regret this.

* * *

The next morning, sunlight pierced Arthur's closed eyes, causing them to flutter and eventually open. He cringed and quickly brought a hand up to shield his adjusting eyes from the sun, after gathering his surroundings, he looked around and realized that he was in Abigail's hotel room. Looking to his left, he saw Abigail asleep, her breasts exposed since she was on her side facing Arthur. God, she was good, remembering the night before Arthur quickly had to avert his gaze or risk getting another erection, he needed to get out of here.

Arthur found his clothes with relative ease, slipping his pants, threading his belt sloppily, and slipping his shirt over his shoulders. It was then that Abigail's eyes had fluttered open, watching Arthur get dressed from behind.

"You gettin' outta here?" She asked, scaring the shit out of Arthur and effectively making him jump and turn to her as she sat up, she smirked, obviously pleased with herself as Arthur rested a hand on his chest after being startled.

"You nearly killed me." He huffed before just turning to face her completely. "I didn't wanna wake you... We used up a lot of energy last night." He mused, buttoning the final button.

"You know, you don't have to pretend you're not sneakin' outta here... Remember, I'm a workin' girl." She reminded Arthur, whose movements paused only momentarily as he slipped his vest on.

That's right, she was a prostitute and he was an outlaw at heart... Dutch's right hand to be exact. It was time they went back to their normal lives, it was nice to get away for a night and pretend that he wasn't going to walk into a shit storm.

"I know." He said casually, sitting on the bed and slipping his boots on, suddenly feeling Abigail's arms come around his neck from behind he was inclined to move slower and eventually come to a halt.

"You're not jealous are you?" She teased, noting a shift in Arthur's demeanor, Arthur's eyes fluttered shut before he puffed out a small tired chuckle.

"Of course I am, probably not the reason you're thinkin' though... But I do have to leave." He deflected quickly, his head swiveling over to hers, he really didn't want to now that he felt her breasts against his back, she was already naked and easy access but he had to remain strong and go, she finally sighed as disappointment floated through her gaze, but she released Arthur.

"It sure was fun." She mused, winking at Arthur after he stood up. "If you ever have any more free time, be sure to come visit me again, you know where I stay... I normally don't bring clients to my personal room but..." She trailed off, blushing.

"Little ol' me? Special?" Arthur asked, grinning at her once he was ready to go.

"No." She snickered before she caught his wrist and pulled him back.

She propped herself up on her knees on the bed, her body completely exposed to Arthur as she reached up and slicked his hair back. His eyes were wandering and he knew she did that on purpose.

"Trust me, you'll thank me." She giggled, leaning in and pecking Arthur's lips and watching as he took his leave.

After walking out of the hotel, he whistled for his horse, knowing he should be within walking distance, looking up as the horse approached, he didn't hesitate climbing on the stallion and directing him towards camp. Arthur checked his watch on his way, it was about eight o'clock, which meant that everyone would probably be up when he returned...

* * *

The ride didn't take nearly as long as Arthur had hoped, he pulled back on the reins to slow The Admiral so he didn't exactly announce his presence to everyone if he could help it. However, when he pulled up to the hitching post, it seemed as if he was a high profile target.

"Arthur's back!" Tilly yelled, earning a cringe from Arthur.

"Arthur!?" Susan asked, getting up from the fire.

When Arthur turned his head, it seemed as if everyone was eating breakfast, when he looked to everyone's face, he was shocked to see that they seemed worried as opposed to angry, he even saw relief flash across John's face albeit briefly.

"I told ya'll he'd be fine." John commented.

"Shut it, John." Dutch snapped before he stood up.

Susan ran over to Arthur and hugged him tightly, he was so surprised he didn't even respond, but when he saw Dutch approaching, he was intimidated. The older man stopped in front of him and there was a moment of silence, Dutch almost seemed nervous, reaching up and rubbing the back of his neck.

"You mind takin' a walk with me?" He asked.

"Uh... No, as long as you don't plan on shootin' me in the back..." Arthur said dryly, still sore from the night before.

"Of course not!" Dutch exclaimed.

"... Lead on then." Arthur agreed, nodding ahead of him.

The two walked in silence for god knows how long, until they hit the river about a half a mile from camp. Arthur was getting ready to say something as they approached the water, but Dutch spoke for him.

"I'm sorry about yesterday." Dutch began, Arthur folded his arms, ready for a speech. "... I never shoulda disrespected you like that, I know you'd never do that to me no matter what was goin' on between us. I just... I didn't want to admit that Miss Grimshaw was right, that I have been slippin' the past few weeks." Dutch sighed, Arthur was playing hard to get, but as Dutch spoke, his glare softened. "I just... I dunno what happened to us... Those woods... It's like they followed us."

"We did just get here yesterday." Arthur mused, making Dutch chuckle.

"That ain't an excuse for treatin' you as I did... Avoiding you and blowing you off... That was wrong of me too, you're my partner, my most trusted man... Whatever you have to say, I wanna hear it... Anything you say, I wanna hear it-" Dutch was interrupted as Arthur embraced him tightly.

"... Shut up ya old fool..." Arthur sighed softly, Dutch was shocked but he was relieved and wrapped his arms around Arthur.

"I'm so sorry Arthur..." Dutch lamented softly into the hug.

Eventually, Arthur released Dutch from his hold and pulled back, meeting Dutch's gaze... For just a moment, there was something in Dutch's eyes that was unfamiliar to Arthur... But he had seen that same glint before in someone else. However, as fast as it came, it went, Arthur blinked to get the image out of his mind and sighed.

"I forgive ya... I only left to torture you." Arthur snickered.

"And torture me you did, trust me. Miss Grimshaw wouldn't let me, nor John, hear the end of it." Dutch groaned, wrapping an arm around Arthur's shoulders.

"Yeah well, John deserved it." Arthur huffed.

"Very well." Dutch agreed.

"He's been ornery with me before but recently he's become unbearable to be around, you wanna make it up to me, shut him the hell up." Arthur proposed.

"I suppose I can do that." Dutch said but looked at Arthur quizzically. "I know you don't like talkin' about it but you boys used to be so close." He commented, Arthur felt the sting deep down and he suddenly wished he hadn't come back.

"Yeah well... Was a long time ago." Arthur muttered in reply.

Arthur replayed the conversation in his head between he and Dutch, he had to remind himself that Dutch was good at getting what he wanted... He was a master of manipulation and even though he knew Dutch would never admit it, this gang was founded by manipulation, it may not be run by it but it was created by it. Arthur looked to Dutch, his hard gaze combing over Dutch's figure.

"... You know I would never undermine you like that, right?" Arthur suddenly asked, challenging Dutch slightly, and he was pleasantly surprised when he watched actual shame cross Dutch's dark eyes.

"... I know... I-I don't even know why I said that and I'm-"

"I know." Arthur interrupted before he pulled out a cigar and nodded back towards camp. "... That's all I needed to know." He said, lighting the cigar and handing it to Dutch.

Dutch seemed relieved, he sighed and nodded, taking the cigar as they walked back up towards camp. The walk back was much less tense than the walk away, but Arthur knew deep down that if Dutch really meant what he said, he would have to prove it... And that meant taking the reins back from Arthur, to which Arthur was happy to give, he just worried about the outcome...

He had faith in Dutch...

He trusted Dutch.

Upon walking back into camp, he looked up as Hosea walked towards them, Arthur wasn't sure to be worried or excited. The older man stopped in front of both Arthur and Dutch, he seemed to be contemplating something serious.

"... I uh, know I haven't been my best the last few months." Hosea muttered, watching Dutch and Arthur look to one another and then back to him, both expressions seeming doubtful. "... Maybe for the last few years, I know everyone is lookin' at me like I'm some poor old drunk." He sighed.

"We're just worried about you, partner." Arthur said. "We uh... We know that after..." he paused, he didn't like to bring up the dead.

"I know." Hosea said, shaking his head.

"We want you back, brother." Dutch affirmed seriously, exhaling the smoke from the cigar, that was about half gone before going to pass it to Hosea.

Hosea seemed thoughtful as he looked to the cigar, Arthur could see a bottle in his right hand and he watched Hosea carefully... And he was happy to watch the older man drop the bottle to the floor and take the cigar. Dutch grinned wider than he had in months as he reached over and clapped a hand on Hosea's shoulder.

"Now there's just one more..." Arthur muttered, obviously not excited as he glanced toward John.

"John! Get over here!" Dutch called, earning an almost betrayed look from Arthur, but he didn't argue as John glanced up from the fire and seeing the trio waiting for him, he trudged over ready to be scolded.

"What did I do now..?" John asked, glancing to all three of them, avoiding Arthur's eyes like the plague.

"Look, son... If we want this family to come together and survive, we need to work together... That includes you and Arthur." Dutch stated.

Arthur could have smacked him; when he told Dutch to talk to John he wasn't expecting to _be _there. He fidgeted and hesitantly looked over to John to gauge his expression just as John looked to him and for the first time in _years_... Their eyes met and their gazes held, and Arthur knew he was taking a risk by speaking but he needed to say _something_, even if it wasn't what he truly wanted to say.

"... I-I know we... Haven't been close the last few years..." He started, uncomfortably coming up to rub the back of his neck and averting his gaze slightly but he knew he had to commit if he wanted this to work, so he met John's eyes again and continued. "... I miss ya John." He admitted in front of both Dutch and Hosea, even though the statement seemed innocent enough, there was longing behind the words and it was obvious John caught it because now it was his turn to be uncomfortable.

"... I don't." John replied honestly, and despite those words hurting Arthur to his core, Arthur could see fear and hurt hiding in John's eyes and he couldn't blame him.

"John, come on." Dutch sighed, John shook his head and took a step back.

"I'll work with him... But we ain't friends... We ain't nothin'." John scoffed before he walked away, effectively ending the conversation, both Hosea and Dutch looked to Arthur as he watched John walk away.

Arthur took a breath and looked away, trying to disguise his hurt but he was failing, seeing as both men watching him looked concerned.

"... You alright, Arthur?" Hosea asked, Arthur quickly cleared his throat and nodded as Dutch went to follow him.

"I'll go talk to him-"

"No..." Arthur said, knowing that forcing this on John would get them nowhere. "... It's alright, I respect what he said."

"What the hell happened to you two?" Hosea asked, once again opening the wounds that Arthur desperately tried to close.

"... It's a long story." Arthur sighed before he walked in the opposite direction of John.

He retired to his tent and he soon missed having one of his own because it wasn't long before Dutch walked in after him. Arthur released a sigh of frustration, why couldn't anyone just drop this and let him be..?

"I swear I didn't come in here to talk about your feelings." Dutch chuckled, walking towards his cot which was across from Arthur's on the other side of the large canvas tent, there was much more room than his old tent but even so, sharing it with someone, even Dutch, exhausted Arthur occasionally.

"Make sure you don't." Arthur grumbled as he opened his journal and began to draw Abigail, quickly while the memory of her was still fresh. "I found out some information last night while I was gone." He added.

"Oh? Where did you end up goin'?" Dutch inquired.

"I went into town and had a couple of drinks." He lied. "Met some fellers there who told me how corrupt this place is, really Dutch, we should move on, this place is bad news." He explained, Dutch furrowed his brows.

"Really? How so?" He asked.

"Well, you got unemployed drunken miners in dark town, you got skinners in the woods, you and me both already know how much fun they are, the cops are corrupt and there's another gang called somethin' like The Ravens in the area, you need more?" Arthur asked.

"The cops too?"

"Yeah... Apparently, everyone in this town has to pay protection money either to the gangs or the cops... A real shit-show Dutch, this ain't the place to lie low." He stated seriously.

"But... With a town so populated and so screwed up, that means there's a lot of money and no law." Dutch crooned.

"How in the hell do you figure that?" Arthur asked.

"Think about it, Arthur... The cops are only gonna be concerned with their own earnings... And let's be honest if they're really as corrupt as you seem to think, they're not gonna be focused on chasing us for dealin' with some common parasites... And then we hit them hard and be outta here before they even realize it." Dutch explained.

"I dunno Dutch... This is a lot bankin' on somethin' that could end up a disaster." Arthur sighed. "Besides, what happened to lyin' low?"

"You plan on goin' back the way we came? I dunno about you, but I'm not goin' back to them woods..." Dutch huffed.

"But Dutch-"

"Have faith, Arthur... Have faith." Dutch hushed.

Arthur frowned but put his hands up in surrender, he did have faith in Dutch... Right?

> Hello, it's me  
I was wondering if after all these years you'd like to meet  
To go over everything  
They say that time's supposed to heal ya  
But I ain't done much healing
> 
> Hello, can you hear me?  
I'm in California dreaming about who we used to be  
When we were younger and free  
I've forgotten how it felt before the world fell at our feet
> 
> There's such a difference between us  
And a million miles
> 
> Hello from the other side  
I must've called a thousand times  
To tell you I'm sorry  
For everything that I've done  
But when I call you never  
Seem to be home
> 
> Hello from the outside  
At least I can say that I've tried  
To tell you I'm sorry  
For breaking your heart  
But it don't matter, it clearly  
Doesn't tear you apart anymore
> 
> Hello, how are you?  
It's so typical of me to talk about myself, I'm sorry  
I hope that you're well  
Did you ever make it out of that town  
Where nothing ever happened?
> 
> It's no secret  
That the both of us  
Are running out of time
> 
> So hello from the other side (other side)  
I must've called a thousand times (thousand times)  
To tell you I'm sorry  
For everything that I've done  
But when I call you never  
Seem to be home
> 
> Hello from the outside (outside)  
At least I can say that I've tried (I've tried)  
To tell you I'm sorry  
For breaking your heart  
But it don't matter, it clearly  
Doesn't tear you apart anymore
> 
> Oh, anymore  
Oh, anymore  
Oh, anymore
> 
> Anymore
> 
> Hello from the other side (other side)  
I must've called a thousand times (thousand times)  
To tell you I'm sorry  
For everything that I've done  
But when I call you never  
Seem to be home
> 
> Hello from the outside (outside)  
At least I can say that I've tried (I've tried)  
To tell you I'm sorry  
For breaking your heart  
But it don't matter, it clearly  
Doesn't tear you apart anymore
> 
> source: [Hello by Adele](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YQHsXMglC9A)


	3. Chapter 3

_August 20th, 1894,_

_Dutch swears that this could work, robbin' the police, Hosea and I think he's insane. We ran all that way, out of Colorado and Nebraska, out of the Grizzlies and away from the Heartlands... Only to do something stupid again. Who knows? Maybe it will work, maybe this could be our biggest job yet, Dutch promised that nothin' is set in stone yet, but before we run with our tails between our legs, he insists that we do some digging... He's sending John with me to talk to those fellers I lied about..._

_I don't know what to do about John... I used to think he hated me and now I know, and I wish I didn't. The way he looked at me a few days ago when I told him I missed him, and the way he shut me down, I can't get it out of my mind. I want us to be good again but I don't know if it's possible... And I'm more afraid than that than anything in this world._

_I miss him._

Arthur paused and shook his head, he was sitting on his cot, stalling for time. Dutch had told him to go meet with the _fellers_ that he drank with while he was gone for more information and Arthur didn't have it in him to come clean... Yet, but now with John waiting to accompany him to meet with the fake people at the bar, he figured it wasn't even worth telling him and giving him a reason to be high and mighty.

"Arthur! Come on already!" John called from outside, obviously impatient.

"Hold your horses, for Christ sake," Arthur growled before he closed his journal and slipped it in his satchel.

When he walked outside, he could see John waiting by his horse and mounting it as he saw Arthur coming closer, anything to not be near him right? Arthur rolled his eyes once he approached The Admiral and began the deafeningly silent ride towards town.

Arthur tried not to but he occasionally glanced toward John when they rode, he had done a lot of growing up in the years since they left Lake Isabella. New scars and new ways to be an asshole, but no matter how much he tried to be angry with John, he couldn't, not after what he did to him... And with all the growing up he did, Arthur found it even harder to control himself around John sometimes...

Both men were thankful to get into town, but John was confused as Arthur passed by multiple bars and ended up stopping outside a hotel.

"Wait here," Arthur ordered as he got off of his horse, hitching him outside.

"What? Why? I'm not waiting here for you to take a damn bath." John scoffed.

"I _ain't_," Arthur growled. "I'm getting information." He added a bit calmer, nearly groaning as he watched John get off his horse.

"I thought you said you met some fellas at a bar..?" John asked, walking over to Arthur and narrowing his eyes suspiciously at him, Arthur finally released a sigh of frustration before he just turned away and walked in without responding to John, giving up on trying to keep Abigail a secret, it wasn't like he was ashamed of her, he just didn't want the rest of his family from scaring her away.

When they walked in, the same bookkeeper from days before recognized Arthur immediately and fidgeted nervously as he remembered their last encounter.

"A-Are you lookin' for Abigail?" he asked.

"Yessir, is she free?" Arthur confirmed.

"I'm not sure, I can go check." The man mused before making a speedy exit.

"What is goin' on Arthur?" John whispered. "Whose Abigail?" He asked.

"It's my informant, alright?" Arthur snapped. "Just let me do the talking and keep your damn mouth shut..." Arthur warned before Abigail walked out, her expression lighting up when she saw Arthur.

"My, my Mister Callahan, I'm startin' to think you fancy me." She giggled as she approached.

"You know I do." Arthur chuckled in reply, John watched, completely dumbfounded at the display, Abigail was beautiful. "We're not gettin' you in trouble are we?" He asked.

"Well, normally Mister Smith ain't to keen on letting us girls jabber while workin' but he seemed pretty scared of you... You do somethin' to him?" Abigail asked, smirking as she saw Arthur roll his eyes.

"All I did was told him to show you some respect when I came lookin' for ya..." He replied, being somewhat truthful.

"Well, he said to take my time, is there something I can do for you boys?" She asked.

"Actually yes... Anywhere we can talk more private..?" Arthur questioned, Abigail looked to him before looking to John, who nearly blushed before she smiled playfully.

"Now Mister Callahan... I told you that's my night job." She teased before she led them out the back door.

John was completely rattled as he watched the interaction between Arthur and this woman, obviously, something was going on between them and if he were honest he was jealous. Abigail was completely and utterly gorgeous and despite wanting to ask Arthur if they could trust her, he didn't want to risk offending her.

"So, what can I do for you two?" She finally asked once they were completely alone. "Whose this?"

"This is my brother, John, John this is Abigail, she's... Extremely helpful." He introduced, clearing his throat when he did so.

"Lovely to meet you, John." Abigail said, John hated how much his heart was racing when she spoke to him.

"Uh, yeah, same here." he replied a tad shyly to Arthur's surprise, but before Arthur could ask for any information, he saw two men round the corner of the building towards them, and they didn't look friendly.

"Abigail Roberts?" One of the men asked.

"Whose askin'?" Abigail asked, frowning and folding her arms over her chest.

"Beckett is lookin' for his dues, woman." The other man replied, watching Abigail frown and step closer to John and Arthur.

"Who are you to harass a lady?" Arthur asked.

"Stay outta this or Beckett will have your hide too."

Arthur and John immediately both got in front of Abigail as the men advanced, stopping them in their tracks.

"Get the hell outta here." Arthur warned.

"She owes us, money pal." One of the men snarled.

"Yeah I know, _protection money_. Well, she ain't payin' you shit, now get lost before I show you what it's like to eat your own guts." Arthur spat, stepping up to them.

The two robbers both seemed a tad shaken by Arthur's threat, they sent one another a side-eye before backing up.

"This ain't over." The original man growled before they slinked off.

Abigail sighed in relief before Arthur and John turned back to her. She seemed spooked and Arthur reached out, resting a palm on her shoulder.

"You alright?" He asked, Abigail eventually took a deep breath and nodded.

"Y-Yes thank you... I coulda taken them but I never know if they're gonna hit me." She sighed.

"They beat women?" John asked, slightly enraged.

"As long as they get their money they'll do anything..." She grumbled.

"Whose this Beckett guy they mentioned?" Arthur inquired.

"He's the reason why I don't work in darkside anymore." She scoffed. "When I got here a few years back, I was really hurtin' on money and I had nowhere to live and no family to help me... He's a goddamn cop, some man tried forcin' himself on me a few weeks after I arrived and he saved me... I broke down and told him what I had been going through sleepin' on the street, he paid for my services and even lent me a hundred dollars... He was so kind to me I didn't see what a snake he was." She sighed.

"Lemme guess, the debt never gets paid off." Arthur muttered.

"Exactly... He can't be associated with me so he'll hire some desperate assholes from darkside to harass me and other poor people, or beat me until I give them everything I have and no matter what my debt is never paid, because he's an officer there's nothing I can do to fight back... No one would believe me." She mumbled, rubbing her forehead.

"What a bastard..." John scoffed.

"You're tellin' me..." Abigail giggled, John nearly fell in love with her laugh, despite being a working girl, she was funny and she was so stunning.

"... We was told that the cops in this town are dirty, they hoardin' a lot of cash or somethin'?" Arthur asked.

"I mean, of course. All the people that tried to do somethin' about it were either paid off or disappeared... Why?" She inquired.

"... I have a feeling that they have plenty of money to go around, and won't notice some of it missin'." Arthur mused quietly, Abigail frowned.

"Arthur, no..." She stated. "You'd be a fool to rob them."

"No one said rob... Maybe borrow..." He chuckled.

"... Well, if you really want a death wish... No one really knows where the money is kept, but there are rumors of a basement beneath the bank where all their blood money is hidden... Apparently, in the top floor office under the bank managers death, it's there... But there's five patrols within the vicinity." She warned.

"Jesus, that is a death wish..." John marveled.

"You're certainly right." Arthur agreed, but truthfully he just didn't want Abigail to know their plans. "Perhaps it is just a fool's errand." He sighed, Abigail seemed to be relieved.

"I'm glad you came to your senses, I'd rather you not die." She snickered.

"I'm so honored that you hold me in such high regard, Miss Roberts." Arthur snorted before he checked the time. "I suppose we should let you get back to work... You let me know if those fools bother you again." He stated, Abigail flashed a smile at Arthur.

"I will, Mister Callahan... Thank you for... Ya know." She simpered before she walked back into the hotel.

John was taken aback by the interaction between Arthur and Abigail... And he wasn't sure why but he felt a wave of deep anger because of it. He cleared his throat and watched Arthur glance back to him, arching a brow.

"What?" he asked.

"Don't _what_." John scoffed.

"What do you mean don't what? What did I do now?" Arthur groaned as they started walking back around the building towards their horses.

"So that's who you were drinkin' with last night huh?" John asked, his tone oozing suspicion, Arthur rolled his eyes.

"Who the hell cares if I was with her? You jealous?" Arthur quipped, smirking at the thought.

"W-What? No, don't change the subject." John argued.

"Uh-huh, you were makin' doe eyes at her the entire time." Arthur commented as they both mounted their horses again.

"Oh shut up." John snarled as they started riding back towards camp, Arthur was satisfied that John effectively dropped the subject.

* * *

When they arrived back, John immediately beelined away from Arthur, and yet despite Arthur feeling proud of making John uncomfortable after he was an asshole it still stung like hell to see John to relieved to get away from him.

"Arthur, how'd it go?" Dutch asked, he and Hosea were sitting by the fire looking over a map of Virginia City.

"Well, the police are worse than the gangs... There's a rumor that there's a secret hiding place, a hatch in the back office of the bank where all the cash is stashed, five patrols." Arthur explained.

"That's a lot of heat Dutch..." Hosea murmured. "Even if we do it in the dead of night, it could end horribly." He stated.

"Honestly Dutch, we don't even know if that room is even there... I don't know if it's worth the risk." Arthur agreed with Hosea.

"Well do any of ya'll have a better idea for gettin' money? This town is goin' to the vultures, there's no work... And we don't have enough money to leave." Dutch challenged, putting Hosea and Arthur in a difficult position.

"... He's right Hosea." Arthur finally sighed. "I don't think there's gonna be a lot of scammin' opportunity here, if we want to get a lot of money we gotta hit then hard and fast. They're not gonna be expecting anyone to actually try and rob 'em." He explained.

"... I just don't think it's worth the risk without knowing if the room is even there." Hosea said, shaking his head.

"You could probably find a way to get back there, you could even talk him into lettin' you in his office." Dutch encouraged, Hosea's face scrunched up slightly.

"I-I dunno Dutch... It's been a while." Hosea murmured.

"There's only one way to get back in the saddle, Hosea." Arthur agreed with Dutch.

"... Alright, I'll do it." Hosea affirmed, nodding.

"We are back in business boys!" Dutch howled, clapping both Hosea's and Arthur's shoulders.

"How did things go with John?" Hosea then inquired, arching a brow at Arthur who immediately cringed.

"Don't ask... It went how you expected." Arthur sighed.

"Just talk to him Arthur." Dutch prodded.

"How the hell am I supposed to talk to him when he won't gimme the time a day?" Arthur huffed.

"Oh come on Arthur, you know him... You'll think of something." Hosea mused before he got up and walked back towards his tent.

"Very helpful." Arthur grumbled.

* * *

John was more than relieved to get away from Arthur, just breathing the same air as Arthur was nauseating enough, mostly because he tried to hate Arthur, and to a degree he probably did... But every once in a while, there were moments when he would catch a certain smell, or see the familiar gleam in his mentor's eyes that made his heart flutter uncomfortably and made his loins stir, he was reminded of the memories he was desperate to bury. He would never admit it, but he resented Arthur when he went missing, he thought about their last conversation together before their relationship took a shit, when they discussed running away together... For one horrible moment, he feared that Arthur had left without him, which only aggravated him further since all he wanted to do was punch Arthur all the time.

He ducked into his tent quickly and sat down on his cot, reaching up and running a hand through his hair after tossing his hat aside. Every time he thought he had gotten over Arthur a harsh reminder hit him in his soul every fucking time... Abigail on the other hand, she was just what the doctor ordered, and yet, of course, she was taken with Arthur and he didn't blame her...

John leaned back onto his cot, sighing longingly into the air as Arthur's eyes appeared in his mind when he had coldly shut Arthur down a few days prior. He felt like he was a sick person feeling satisfaction in watching the hurt cross his gaze, but all at once he regretted his harsh words... Susan was right when she tore them a new one after Arthur had been holding them together, she was right, but even though it wasn't his prerogative to be a dick to Arthur, he felt fear settle in his stomach when he got too close... He was scared of falling again.

He knew the best chance of avoiding Arthur would be to stay in here... Maybe take a nap. John sat back up and stood up so that he could take his belt off and get comfortable before he rested comfortably against his cot. Abigail crossed his mind again and he was thankful that she was the last thing he thought about before he fell asleep... But she didn't stick around.

It was dark, but John felt someone caress his cheek, and somehow... He knew it was Arthur, because his body immediately relaxed and he felt safe. The hand slid down from his cheek to his neck and resting at his shoulder. John wanted to speak but his throat was closing up when he wanted to call out to him...

_Good boy..._

Those words... Those _fucking _words.

John felt his knees give out, but instead of falling forward, he was suddenly on his back, only this time he could see Arthur above him. Their skin brushing against each other felt like fireworks to John, the feelings of their nights coming together all at once, John wasn't able to handle it... Tears fell from his eyes as he felt his orgasm slam into him and his world went black...

_Please... Don't leave me again..._

John sat up harshly out of his sleep, panting and sweating profusely. He hadn't had a sex dream about Arthur in almost a year... But this one was different... He felt things all over again... He felt those fucking feelings that had plagued him since he was eighteen fucking years old.

All over again John wanted to punch Arthur, hurt him until he felt just as shitty as he did, but thankfully a specific familiar stiffness in his trousers brought him back to reality and earned a potent blush of shame from John. Four fucking years...

John couldn't stand having the erection because of Arthur... He didn't want to address those feelings ever again. He eventually rubbed his eyes, he knew it was dark but he didn't know what time it was... He hoped it was late because he needed to take a soak in the freezing night water... That would get rid of his erection without much of an issue. He stood up and peaked out of his tent, it didn't seem like anyone was up... At least not very many people, he could probably sneak away unnoticed.

He was grateful that they always set up camp near some kind of water source, even though there were baths only an hour away, he needed to get rid of this here and now. John slinked out of his tent carefully not to make noise, glancing around for prying eyes before nearly making a dash for the reservoir about twenty yards away... Though he didn't see the blue orbs that were fixated on him as soon as he exited the tent...

Once he got to the water's edge, John stripped knowing no one would be down here at this time. He placed his clothes on a rock next to the water before he walked to the shore, as soon as his feet touched the frigid waters, his heart stopped and his body quit moving. All he thought about was being dragged underwater by that river all those years ago...

"Goddammit." John hissed softly to himself as he took a shaky breath and shut his eyes.

_I gotcha John... I ain't lettin' you go._

John flinched and without a second thought he walked forward, he would not allow himself to be sucked back into his mind again... The water helped. John shivered intensely as the water climbed up his legs and up to his waist. He wasn't comfortable with going much further, but he took a breath before he allowed himself to submerge his top half beneath the water, coming back up immediately and released a strained puff of air from the cold. At least his erection was gone and he was definitely awake now.

"You know, John, saving you from hypothermia gets old." Arthur chuckled, his tone hinting amusement.

John almost screamed from being startled so harshly, he spun around, jumping out of his skin. He suddenly felt so exposed and vulnerable even though he knew Arthur couldn't see anything beneath the water's surface.

"What're you doin' out here?" John huffed.

"I saw you sneakin' off all in a hurry so I figured I'd come to check it out... I wasn't expecting you to be swimming." He mused. "I'm impressed." He mentioned, even though his words were genuine, John averted his gaze quickly.

"I don't need you to be." John spat, still feeling raw from the dream previously.

"You know, you act like a shit head to me one more time tonight and I'm gettin' in there with you." Arthur warned, even though he didn't explicitly threaten to harm John, he knew that the thought of being naked in the water with him would be enough to silence John's attitude.

"... So, what are you just gonna stand there and watch me? How long have you been there?" John asked, blushing discreetly under the moonlight.

"Not long... Don't worry I didn't come down here to peep on you, it's not like I haven't seen it before." Arthur stated boldly, he had taken so much shit from John he was firing back for a change.

John's defiant gaze lit up with rage and there was a glaring contest for a good minute before John remembered he was naked and in the water... Arthur would win this fight without an issue.

Arthur casually pulled out a cigarette and lit it despite the tension, inhaling the nicotine to steady his nerves and to distract him from John's exposed body. He was honest when he said he didn't expect John to be naked... Because if he knew he wouldn't have come. Even though it was dark, the light of the sky showered down on John like a spotlight, highlighting his scars that he had on his body from previous years... Ones that Arthur hadn't kissed or explored.

Now it was time to leave, he shook his head before exhaling the nicotine. He had tortured himself and John long enough, but he soon walked over to John's clothes, he briefly considered stealing to serve that little fucker right, but he took the high road. John watched him like a hawk, but his gaze softened as he watched Arthur pull out another cigarette from his own pack and hold it up for John to see before he slit it in the front pocket of John's pants before he silently took his leave.

John watched with slight disbelief, how in the hell did Arthur still find ways to make John heart pound, even if it was unintentional? He made sure Arthur was gone before he slipped out of the water and redressed himself, his skin was red from the temperature and his lips were pale, but he knew a few minutes by the fire would clear that up.

He trudged back up to camp, his steps coming to a halt as he saw Arthur sitting by the fire alone... He had a choice, possibly succumb to hypothermia for real, or sit near Arthur to warm up... John wasn't in the market to lose a finger or even a toe. He gulped before he walked forward, Arthur craning his head back as he heard John's footsteps, saying nothing as John sat on the log adjacent from him, putting distance between them but not going out of his way, pulling out the cigarette that Arthur had left for him.

At first, Arthur wanted to say something, he wanted to say a lot of things... But he didn't. He just savored this time alone with John, even if they weren't quite on common ground yet. Arthur reached into his bag and pulled out his lighter, holding it out for John to take... And he wasn't surprised when John took his cigarette and stuck it in the fire to light it.

Despite the action being one of defiance, Arthur couldn't help but chuckle, which only confused John, who looked over him with a puzzled expression. Arthur just shook his head.

"... I knew you wouldn't take it." He said almost fondly.

The words weren't malicious nor were they condescending... They almost seemed sweet, which made John's expression soften to one of surprise. Arthur _knew _he wasn't going to take the lighter but offered it anyway..? And he was okay with it?

John eventually looked back to the fire, but he smoked the entire cigarette in silence with Arthur... The aura around them shifting from tense to calm with relative ease for the first time in years. John still wasn't about to chat with Arthur about the weather, but it was nice to actually look at him with emotions besides fear and disgust... He felt home, but he jumped when a cigarette suddenly hit him in the nose, he turned to Arthur with an annoyed expression even though Arthur just lit his own second cigarette, he eventually looked over to meet John's glare.

"... What? I knew you wouldn't take it." Arthur murmured. "I improvised." He mused.

"... Why are you doin' this?" John finally asked, speaking for the first time since he arrived back.

"What?"

"This... Acting like..." John mumbled, unable to formulate words.

Arthur didn't know how to answer that question at first... Should he be honest? Should he change the subject? He wasn't sure... But when he and John's eyes met for the second time that day, the words flowed out of him.

"... Because you're still my brother... And I miss you, John." Arthur reiterated seriously, the statement was simple but it took John's words away, Arthur's eyes were so expressive, he had to tear his gaze away.

Arthur blinked, he didn't expect John to respond, but he knew he had to take baby steps if he ever hoped to win John's trust back. He didn't think he ever would fully again, but he would take whatever he could get with gratitude and grace. So he stood up, tossing his nearly full cigarette into the fire so that he could let John be alone, he wanted to leave on a good note, but before he walked away, he paused.

"Before I forget." He murmured before reaching into his bag and pulling out a bar of some kind before handing it to John without another word and ducking into his tent where Dutch was sound asleep.

John watched Arthur walk away before he looked at the object he was given... And his mouth salivated. Goddamn Arthur for remembering he had a sweet tooth! He couldn't remember the last time he had chocolate and to have a whole bar to himself? John's first instinct was to throw it in the fire but he couldn't... He discreetly slipped it into his satchel to store it away for safekeeping... And he was left to think about the events that had transpired that night.

> I'm going under and this time I fear there's no one to save me  
This all or nothing really got a way of driving me crazy  
I need somebody to heal  
Somebody to know  
Somebody to have  
Somebody to hold  
It's easy to say  
But it's never the same  
I guess I kinda liked the way you numbed all the pain
> 
> Now the day bleeds  
Into nightfall  
And you're not here  
To get me through it all  
I let my guard down  
And then you pulled the rug  
I was getting kinda used to being someone you loved
> 
> I'm going under and this time I fear there's no one to turn to  
This all or nothing way of loving got me sleeping without you  
Now, I need somebody to know  
Somebody to heal  
Somebody to have  
Just to know how it feels  
It's easy to say but it's never the same  
I guess I kinda liked the way you helped me escape
> 
> Now the day bleeds  
Into nightfall  
And you're not here  
To get me through it all  
I let my guard down  
And then you pulled the rug  
I was getting kinda used to being someone you loved
> 
> And I tend to close my eyes when it hurts sometimes  
I fall into your arms  
I'll be safe in your sound 'til I come back around
> 
> For now the day bleeds  
Into nightfall  
And you're not here  
To get me through it all  
I let my guard down  
And then you pulled the rug  
I was getting kinda used to being someone you loved
> 
> But now the day bleeds  
Into nightfall  
And you're not here  
To get me through it all  
I let my guard down  
And then you pulled the rug  
I was getting kinda used to being someone you loved
> 
> I let my guard down  
And then you pulled the rug  
I was getting kinda used to being someone you loved
> 
> source: [Someone You Loved by Lewis Capaldi](youtube.com/watch?v=u1yVCeXYya4)


	4. Chapter 4

Arthur laid in bed that night unable to sleep as he thought of John... He had no idea what to do or even what he wanted, he knew he wanted John to be able to stand him but what did he want deep down?

He wasn't ready to answer those questions yet.

Hearing John eventually walk to his tent to go to bed, Arthur hoped he could put his racing thoughts to rest at least for now... He sighed and ran a hand down his face as his eyes fluttered shut. However, it wasn't long before he heard shuffling and grunting from the other side of the tent, was Dutch up already? Arthur opened his eyes and propped himself up on his elbow to look over, but the tent was still dark and he could still see Dutch clearly laying down. What the hell?

Arthur sat up, seeing Dutch's form twitch in his sleep, his brows furrowed as he stood and slowly meandered over to Dutch, his eyes adjusting quickly as he neared the other. When he got to Dutch's side, Arthur could see that he was visibly cringing, perhaps he was having a nightmare? Arthur frowned and reached down, gently nudging Dutch's shoulder.

"Dutch, Dutch wake up." he urged, watching Dutch's eyes snap open and nearly being head-butted as Dutch sat up with lightning speed, sufficiently startling Arthur. "Dutch, it's me." He calmed.

Dutch blinked, he looked crazed and not himself... Whatever he had been dreaming had really affected him, but a few seconds passed and the ebony-haired man eventually turned his gaze over to Arthur.

"... You alright, partner?" Arthur asked, his tone laced with worry.

Dutch took a few breaths but eventually he released a shaky sigh and he nodded, reaching up and wiping sweat from his brow.

"Yeah... Yeah, I'm fine... That was a bad one." He mumbled as he swung his legs over the edge of the cot, Arthur took a seat next to him. "I'm sorry, did I wake you?" Dutch asked.

"Nah, I was already up." Arthur replied. "... You wanna talk about it?" He inquired, Dutch shook his head.

"I won't bore you with those details, I'm just sorry I made you worry." Dutch sighed and rubbed his eyes.

"You're far from boring, Dutch." Arthur chuckled as he turned his head away, looking forward.

"I'll remember that when you're snoring at our next meeting." Dutch snorted in good humor, watching a blush tint Arthur's cheeks as he remembered that rather embarrassing moment.

"Not fair, I hadn't slept in days." Arthur scoffed, glancing back over.

What he saw, was something he had never seen before nor would he have ever imagined seeing... But Dutch's eyes were radiating a warmth that he wasn't expecting, and he almost flinched backward, he had to be seeing things right? It was quiet for a moment and Arthur was relieved when Dutch broke eye contact.

"Talked to John." Arthur eventually said to break the silence.

"Oh? How'd it go?" Dutch asked, his tone turning into something more pleasant.

"Well... I dunno actually." Arthur chuckled honestly. "It wasn't horrible but it wasn't great... I might finally have my foot in the door... We'll see." He sighed as he looked down to his hands to focus on something easy.

"That is great... It's something." Dutch mused, Arthur nodded in reply.

Why was it so quiet? It was never quiet, especially not between he and Dutch, they never ran out of things to talk about why did it feel so foreign all of a sudden? Arthur almost felt uncomfortable until Dutch spoke.

"... It was Annabelle." He suddenly said, causing Arthur to look back over quickly, Dutch was staring forward, his expression was unreadable. "... I haven't dreamt about her in..." He mumbled.

"I'm sorry." Arthur said, unsure of what exactly to say, he wasn't good in these types of situations but he felt a pang hit his heart at the mention of her name, Dutch shook his head.

"... Am I losin' it, Arthur?" He questioned.

"What? No." Arthur quickly countered, shaking his head, reaching over and gently catching Dutch's shoulder in his hand. "You're not losin' nothin', alright? It's been a rough couple of months." He explained, Dutch quickly stood, still turned away from Arthur.

"Losing Annabelle was _rough_." He spat, Arthur flinched from the sudden shift in Dutch's tone. "... I shouldn't have to rely on you to keep things together when times get tough, losing Annabelle was one thing but..." He sighed.

"This again, Dutch, it's _okay_." Arthur exasperated.

"It's not okay with me, Arthur... I didn't even realize I was slippin'..." He huffed, Arthur then stood up and caught Dutch's shoulders with both hands, spinning him around to force Dutch to face him.

"... I _trust _you, Dutch." Arthur stated seriously, his eyes meeting Dutch's boldly, Dutch seemed surprised but he calmed.

Their eyes locked... And without warning, Arthur's heart pounded in his chest.

_ **BA-BUMP.** _

Arthur's hands quickly released Dutch's shoulders, his breath nearly left him but he managed to keep a poker face for long enough. Dutch reached up and rubbed his forehead, nodding and breathed out slowly.

"... Thank you, Arthur... You have no idea what that means to me." He said, Arthur chuckled softly, nodding.

"I told ya already, but I don't mind remindin' you." Arthur mused as he watched Dutch pass him to sit back down on his cot, his cologne making Arthur's hair bristle.

Dutch hunched over a bit, his eyes shutting for a bit, Arthur knew Dutch always beat himself up over things like this but he didn't realize Dutch _still _felt guilty. Despite the unpleasant thundering in his chest, Arthur sat back down next to Dutch, wanting to make sure the other man was okay before he could sleep.

"... I just, I think of how I failed Annabelle... And I failed this gang, I know everyone was thinking what Susan said, she was just the only one opinionated enough to say something." He snorted, Arthur reached over, gently resting a palm on Dutch's back for support.

"I didn't think that." Arthur mentioned, watching Dutch glance over.

"I struggle to believe you." Dutch replied.

"Believe what you want, it's the truth... It was a rough couple fucken months Dutch. I don't blame you for checkin' out." Arthur replied with a small shrug.

"How's your arm by the way?" Dutch asked, Arthur noted the change in subject but he pulled his hand that was resting against Dutch's back and looked down on the back of his arm.

When they were in the woods, they were pursued by skinners on multiple occasions, at one point when those savages had raided the camp, a knife got plunged _through_ Arthur's arm, there was talk of losing it for a little while but Arthur had made a miraculous recovery but he didn't think of that memory fondly. There was a scar on both sides of his arm and it took almost four weeks to completely heal.

"It's alright, it don't hurt anymore." Arthur said absent-mindedly, almost jumping when Dutch reached over and gently wrapped his fingers delicately around his arm.

Arthur swallowed harshly as he watched Dutch carefully turn his arm around to see the underside, there was the matching scar... Dutch's thumb caressed over it with his thumb, nearly forcing the air from Arthur's lungs.

"... Thought we were gonna lose you." Dutch sighed. "I-I don't know what I woulda done if..." He paused, looking up to meet Arthur's gaze again.

There was fear and... Something recognizable in Dutch's eyes, Arthur almost blushed a second time. What the hell was happening here? He and Dutch had always been close, closer than most, and Dutch wasn't necessarily ashamed to show his feelings to a degree, so Arthur didn't understand why Dutch's openness was so disarming this time. He felt as if he was being played like a marionette... If anything _he _was the one losing his mind.

"... Well, you know that you can't get rid of me that easy." Arthur finally replied before standing up and removing his arm from Dutch's grasp, walking towards his cot. "Get some rest, partner." he ordered.

"I'll try... Thank you again, Arthur." Dutch mused as Arthur laid back down, facing away from him.

So much for getting sleep tonight... Arthur managed to regain control his breathing but his anxiety wasn't ever going to let him sleep now. Why did he feel... That way, when he was speaking with Dutch? It didn't make sense! John was the only man that Arthur had ever truly felt his heart ache for, he managed to fuck male hookers when he was desperate but never before had he ever experience similar feelings for another man, and Arthur knew that was dangerous, especially with Dutch.

Why did things need to get complicated now!? There were plenty of other things to worry about and now Arthur had to watch himself around Dutch, maybe it was just a fluke... It could be, right? He had finally made headway with John, maybe he was just still riding on that wave... He truly hoped so.

"You moron, Morgan." Arthur groaned to himself quietly as he tried to force himself to sleep for the next few hours.

* * *

When Arthur's eyes opened again, it was bright outside, he wasn't sure exactly what time it was but he sat up slowly and reached up, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes. He heard someone open the tent, and when he opened his eyes expecting Dutch, he was shocked to see John who looked just as uncomfortable as him.

"... I uh, offered to come wake you up. You and me are goin' with Hosea to the bank to scope the place out." John explained, Arthur arched a brow, that was an interesting bit of knowledge.

"Thanks... I'll be out in a while." Arthur said absent-mindedly, however, he glanced up shortly after when John didn't take his leave right away.

There was an awkward silence in the air, and John seemed as if there was something he wanted to say but he had trouble getting the words out. He averted his eyes away from Arthur before he cleared his throat, finally speaking.

"Last night... Thank you for..." He murmured, trailing off, at least he got the important part out.

Arthur's eyebrows arched only momentarily at the surprise thanks and he could tell that despite this being incredibly uncomfortable for John, he said it anyway, and it meant something to Arthur. He stood up and stretched before he looked to John, what should he say? He really didn't want to mess this up... Eventually, he walked up to John who almost shriveled away but he managed to stay strong for the moment.

"... You're welcome." Arthur said simply, John seemed relieved and nodded.

Arthur could have stood there staring at John all day, it wasn't every day that he got this close to John for this long. He reached over and gently wrapped an arm around John's shoulders and guided him outside, now it was his turn to be relieved seeing how John didn't instantly shrug away from Arthur's grasp. It was short-lived but it didn't end with John hissing at him.

John wasn't sure why he didn't move away from Arthur, but feeling the others hand rest between his shoulder blades, his body relaxed beyond his control and he walked outside with Arthur without any fuss. Once John saw both Dutch and Hosea looking them, however, he frowned at their smiles, they were still not friends and he wouldn't pretend to be, but Arthur took his hand away before he overstayed his welcome and walked towards the two older men. John followed quickly and tried to erase the last few moments from his mind.

"Where do you two think you're going?" Dutch asked playfully, Arthur tilted his head in confusion.

"Um... I was told to go with Hosea to check out that bank." He replied, looking over and noticing Hosea in a suit, looking back over to Dutch just in time as clothing was both tossed to himself and John.

"Not dressed like that you're not, we need to look distinguished, not like outlaws, if you think they're gonna let you two anywhere _near _their jackpot you got another thing comin'." Hosea explained.

"Oh, Hosea c'mon can't I just wait outside?" Arthur groaned, he _hated _dressing up.

"No." Dutch shot down immediately. "The more of you we have inside the more information we'll gather... Please, Arthur?" He asked, flashing his famous puppy dog eyes, Arthur huffed and quickly stormed away back towards their tent.

Arthur changed his clothing with relative ease, he hated looking like a city man and he hated how restrictive suits were, but at least it wasn't a tuxedo. He was currently fiddling with his tie, it was one thing Arthur really never got the hang of, he must have been missing a while because Dutch finally slipped inside behind him.

"Need some help?" He chuckled, spooking Arthur to his dismay.

"It's just this damn thing." Arthur grumbled in reply towards the piece of fabric.

"Here, turn around." Dutch mused.

Arthur hesitantly did so, mainly because he didn't want to hear any wisecracks about what he was wearing, but when none came he looked up to Dutch's expression. He almost seemed, taken aback, albeit only for a moment but he stepped forward and took the tie from Arthur and began intertwining it together without any difficulty. Arthur's suit was made up of black pressed trousers, a dark navy blue suit jacket, a white undershirt, and a black-tie, he looked rather dashing and Dutch had difficulty keeping his eyes on the task at hand.

"You clean up pretty well." He commented, Arthur snorted and shook his head.

"Yeah right." he mumbled.

"No really, you do... I'd dress like this all the time if I looked like you did." He said casually, did Dutch just call him attractive?

"Yeah well, this is your style, you and me both know mine is dirt, grime and everything fine." He chuckled, earning an actual laugh from Dutch.

"That is true, my friend..." He mentioned before finishing the knot, gently tightening it accordingly to Arthur's neck before stepping back. "Honestly Arthur, you have to make a point to wear suits more often." He snickered as Arthur quickly ducked passed him to avoid any more talk about his fashion sense.

However, when Arthur walked outside, he was greeted with John waiting patiently, smoking with Hosea... And boy was he a sight. Hosea was wearing a black-on-black suit, but John was wearing a black suit jacket and trousers, a maroon dress shirt, and a white tie... And he was fucking stunning, it actually stopped Arthur in his tracks as he drank in the view. John eventually looked up and did the same, nearly dropping his cigarette. He had never seen Arthur in a full suit in a long time... He was so fucking handsome.

John quickly tore his gaze away, making Arthur blink and remembering what he was doing, he was almost embarrassed for being so openly caught up in John's view, continuing to walk towards Hosea.

"We're askin' to get robbed..." He murmured.

"No shit." John agreed to Arthur's surprise.

"That's why we get in and get out before we give any degenerates ideas, everyone clear on the plan?" Hosea asked.

"Not exactly." Arthur piped up.

"You and John are my eldest sons and we're looking into investing in businesses and land, it's important that we act the part, we need to entice these people into wanting to do business with us." Hosea explained as they walked to their horses.

"So we need to act like snobs." Arthur deduced.

"More or less." He replied.

* * *

Once riding into town, Arthur felt more and more anxious, he wasn't a city man and even though he was a good actor, he was nervous going into a bank that had loads of cops sniffing around. Reaching up, he slicked his hair back to make sure it was presentable as they hitched their horses outside the building.

"Which one of you two is going to look for the hatch?" Hosea asked quietly.

Both Arthur and John glanced to one another briefly, Arthur had more experience but John had proved on multiple occasions just what a ghost he could be and he was probably more likely to go unnoticed compared to Arthur.

"... I think you should." He said, nodding to John, who seemed a tad shocked and then nervous.

"Y-You sure?" He asked.

"Calm down... Yeah, I'm sure, you can do it John." Arthur encouraged.

John took a breath and nodded before they looked to Hosea who seemed impressed by the interaction, thankfully though he said nothing. The older man led his two imposing _sons _into the bank that was located in the more ritzy area in town. They were noticed almost immediately and soon had a bank representative rushing over to greet them.

This was the largest bank Arthur had ever been in, the ceilings were as high as a theater and there were at least nine windows, this place would be one of their biggest jobs of all time if they pulled it off.

"Hello, gentlemen! We haven't seen you here before, how may we be of assistance?" He inquired.

"Good mornin' boy." Hosea greeted in a disinterested fashion. "We're looking for someone in charge, we noticed some vacancies downtown and we're interested in possibly investing." he informed.

"Oh! Well let me go get my supervisor, may I ask for your names?" the man asked.

"No, you may not." Arthur warned, he loved acting like an asshole for fun.

"W-Well then... I suppose just give me a moment." He murmured before rushing off to find someone higher up to talk to.

"... This place is huge." Arthur whispered to John and Hosea.

"I didn't think they made banks this big..." John mumbled.

"At least not out west..." Hosea added.

It wasn't long before they saw a man in a suit similar to theirs walking over to them. He was being followed by an assistant, Hosea was certain this was the man to talk to.

"Good morning, my name is Phillip Kelly, I run this bank and I was told you fellas were lookin' into real estate in the area?" He inquired, Arthur could see the greed in this mans eyes and knew that Hosea would be able to swindle him in his sleep.

"Why yes, Archibald MacLaughlin, these are my two eldest sons, Carlyle and Lawrence, pleasure to make your acquaintance." Hosea introduced, motioning to Arthur and then to John, both of which nodded politely.

"The pleasure is all mine, Mister MacLaughlin... Please join me upstairs to my office to discuss the direction of your business here in Virginia City." He beckoned.

The small group was led up the stairs, Arthur frowned seeing as the assistant that was following Phillip before was following now, which would make it impossible for John to slip away undetected. When they walked into the office, Arthur didn't waste time in looking around, the place was ornate. It wasn't Arthur's taste exactly but it was impressive to look at.

"I must say, we haven't seen you gentlemen around here, where are ya'll from?" Phillip asked out of curiosity.

"We come all the way from New York." Hosea replied. "I left my youngest son run my business while we're lookin' to expand... I was interested at first but I've not been too impressed with the place so far." He commented dryly.

"I can assure you, Mister MacLaughlin, while Virginia City is plagued with the scum of those unionized freeloaders from the mines, we have plenty to offer our... Distinguished citizens." Phillip explained.

"I see... Perhaps I can expand my mind more on that, could we possibly see a map of the county?" Hosea asked.

"Of course, come with me gentlemen we'll just have to head down to the archives." Phillip said pleasantly enough as he stood.

John suddenly had an idea, he discreetly bumped Arthur's knee with his own, catching the other's attention enough for Arthur to meet his gaze. He hoped it was enough to tell Arthur to go along with his plan. Hosea stood with Phillip, John began rising and suddenly he held his head and fell back onto his chair.

"P-Pa I'm gettin' dizzy again." John groaned softly, Hosea flashed his eyes over to John, it was confused at first, but with Arthur's quick thinking Hosea caught on quickly.

Arthur swiftly stood and pulled out a handkerchief out of his satchel and dabbed John's brow gently before he looked over to Phillip.

"He ain't in the best health..." Arthur muttered apologetically, Hosea's eyebrows arched quickly and he reacted as he figured a concerned father would, he approached John and feeling his forehead.

"I-Is there anything we can do?" Phillip then asked as the scene unfolded before him, John's head lulling slightly, Arthur's hand coming out to steady him gently.

"I'm sorry, Mister Kelly, Lawrence has been ill since birth... Every so often he faints and falls asleep for days at a time... Strikes fevers so high I thought he'd boil alive." Hosea explained in a murmur, really playing up the pity.

"I'm... Sorry, pa." John said weakly, Arthur would have to laugh this off later, it was so pathetic but it was working.

"Nonsense." Hosea hushed.

"Pa, why don't I just wait with Lawrence, you go with Mister Kelly." Arthur proposed, Hosea put on a hesitant expression for show but eventually nodded.

"If you don't mind, Mister Kelly, as long as he rests he should hopefully pull outta this." Hosea stated, Phillip seemed to only briefly contemplate the decision before nodding without a doubt.

"Of course not, shall I have my assistant fetch him some water?" Phillip offered generously.

"Please, if you don't mind." Arthur chimed in.

"Of course, go on then." He snapped to his assistant who quickly hurried out of the room before he led Hosea out as well.

Arthur stood up and crept over to the door, listening in close before he turned back to John as he stood up, a huge grin on his face.

"That was _genuis_." He praised honestly, John blushed and shook his head.

"You said I was the one to go for the hatch." John quipped, despite the pride swelling in his chest from the compliment.

"I'll go listen for footsteps, try to make it quick." Arthur mused, walking back to the door while John went to work.

John searched briefly through the bookshelves and then checking multiple of the decorative sculptures, he was stumped until he remembered Abigail's rumor... Under the desk? He sauntered over to the desk over to Phillip's side, there was a curtain protecting the underside from view... He reached forward and pulled the fabric aside, and there it was... It was metal and it had a number lock.

"Holy shit, Arthur c'mere!" He whispered, Arthur frowned, glancing to the door but shuffling quietly over to John, gasping at the sight before the two looked to one another almost in disbelief.

"That's one helluva lock." Arthur said, but remembering that the assistant could walk back in at literally any moment, he reached forward and pulled the curtain shut again and pointed to the chair John was in originally.

"C'mon! Before we're caught." He instructed.

John quickly got up and hurried back to his chair, Arthur following in suit, standing by John.

"You think we can do this..?" John mumbled quietly.

"... We need to find the code." Arthur whispered back.

The conversation ended there and soon enough the door opened once again, the assistant walking back in and handing Arthur the glass of water. He nodded his thanks and took it, pulling his chair closer to John and carefully handing it to John. The slow, almost intimate movements made John extremely uncomfortable, mainly because he couldn't control his heart rate. Thankfully Arthur only had to nurse John for a few more minutes, because not long after, Hosea and Phillip walked back into the room.

"How's he doing?" Hosea immediately asked, Arthur looked towards the door.

"He's gettin' worse... I'd hate to cut this meetin' short but I'm worried he's gonna pass out." Arthur sighed, Hosea looked to Phillip with an apologetic frown.

"I'm so sorry, Mister Kelly, but... My son." Hosea muttered, his tone laced with worry and concern, Phillip shook his head quickly.

"There's absolutely no need to apologize... We had a good talk, I can assume I'll hear from you again soon?" Phillip inquired.

"Of course." Hosea said, carefully placing one of John's arms around his shoulders while Arthur took the other, standing up.

John feigned still having a little bit of consciousness so his partners didn't have to literally carry him, but it made the meeting extremely convincing. They would never know what John and Arthur had found out.

"Take care of your boy, Mister MacLaughlin." Phillip concluded and watched Arthur and Hosea haul John off.

The three of them ended up tethering their horses to a stagecoach since they knew it would be suspicious if Phillip saw John ride off on his horse. Arthur sat next to John to his dismay and the ride was silent until they were certain they were away from any possible prying ears.

"So, I assume you found the hatch?" Hosea inquired softly.

"Yeah, but we got a problem... It's got a four-number lock." Arthur explained, Hosea arched his brows in slight surprise.

"Four?" He asked.

"Yeah, looks heavy duty, don't think we can break through it." Arthur replied.

"I agree." John expressed, despite the gesture being small, Arthur's heart fluttered in that moment and he glanced toward John.

John blinked and hesitantly looked over, blushing when he realized that Arthur was already looking at him. Arthur almost chuckled but he decided to save John some embarrassment... It was something, and just like he thought, Arthur was truly grateful to receive the attempt, no matter how small.

"At least we know it exists... Arthur, since you found out about this, do you think you can do some more digging?" Hosea questioned.

"O'course." Arthur affirmed with a nod.

"Good... I hope Dutch doesn't drive himself crazy over this..." The older man mumbled, reaching up and rubbing his eyes.

"You did good, ol' man." John mentioned, making Arthur smirk slightly.

"He's right." He mused.

"I'm outta practice..." Hosea sighed.

"You played the part beautifully, Dutch will be so proud." Arthur chortled.

"That's what I'm afraid of." Hosea snickered softly.

The group had a good laugh before returning to camp to give Dutch the news... At least Arthur got to talk to Abigail again.

> I had a dream about a burning house  
You were stuck inside  
I couldn't get you out  
I lay beside you and pulled you close  
And the two of us went up in smoke
> 
> Love isn't all that it seems  
I did you wrong  
I'll stay here with you  
Until this dream is gone
> 
> I've been sleepwalking  
Been wondering all night  
Trying to take what's lost and broke  
And make it right  
I've been sleepwalking  
Too close to the fire  
But it's the only place that I can hold you tight  
In this burning house
> 
> I see you at a party and you look the same  
I could take you back  
But people don't really change  
Wish that we could go back in time  
I'd be the one you thought you'd find
> 
> Love isn't all that it seems  
I did you wrong  
I'll stay here with you  
Till this dream is gone
> 
> I've been sleepwalking  
Been wondering all night  
Trying to take what's lost and broke  
And make it right  
I've been sleepwalking  
Too close to the fire  
But it's the only place that I can hold you tight  
In this burning house
> 
> Flames are getting bigger now  
In this burning house  
I can hold on to you somehow  
In this burning house  
Oh and I don't wanna wake up  
In this burning house
> 
> And I've been sleepwalking  
Been wandering all night  
Trying to take what's lost and broke  
And make it right  
I've been sleep walking  
Too close to the fire  
But it's the only place that I can hold you tight  
In this burning house
> 
> source: [Burning House by Cam](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tzB3JB-0zk4)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Things are starting to spice up a little bit now. ;) Hope you guys are enjoying! I always love comments!  
-Eros


	5. Chapter 5

As predicted, Dutch got extremely excited when Arthur and John described what they saw in the bank, but Arthur was relieved to see him a bit more hesitant when they discussed the lock. Even if they managed to sneak by a dozen guards, they were fucked if they didn't have the code to open up the hatch, and still, Arthur begrudgingly agreed to go back into town to talk to his _sources_. Arthur was a bit surprised that John didn't out his secret considered how pissy he acted when he found out.

He thought about it for a while on how he should approach Abigail about their intentions... Maybe he should just go to a bar and meet some hoodlums instead? No, she had _a lot _of useful information... Maybe he should just be honest with her? She seemed like she could handle it, but the possibility of something horrible happening outweighed the possibility of her being useful. They were wanted criminals.

"Arthur, you ready?" John asked from behind him, startling Arthur slightly who whipped around with a slightly tart expression.

"You sure you wanna go?" Arthur asked as he started walking towards his horse, away from John.

"You don't want me to?" John inquired, both sending a slight glare at one another before Arthur took a breath, trying to take the high road for once.

"Not that at all..." He lied, shaking his head. "You just didn't seem to have such a fun time last time, that's all." He noted as he climbed on The Admiral, watching John mount Gypsy.

"Well it doesn't really matter, does it? Dutch said we gotta be better about workin' together, remember?" John asked too casually for Arthur.

John always knew exactly what to say to hurt Arthur, even if it wasn't exactly intentional. Right... He was just doing this to get Dutch off his back and to see Abigail again, god forbid Arthur went without him to see Abigail.

Arthur could already see where this was heading between them and Abigail... He knew it would only end badly and yet, for some reason, a sense of dominance washed over Arthur. John had been a complete piece of shit to him for _years_. Perhaps the little prick was due for some revenge? He took a moment to really think about that as they rode towards town, was that fair to Abigail? She was a working girl, it wasn't like they were going to be around forever and she probably didn't do the whole... Feelings thing, same as Arthur.

He stuffed that thought into the back of his mind for the rest of the ride, he was supposed to be trying to _fix _things with John, not make them worse. They had made actual progress the night before, even though they had a long way to go, it was a step in the right direction, Arthur didn't want to fuck things up with John more than he already had.

Once riding into town, Arthur led John right back towards the hotel where Abigail worked during the day. John seemed a bit less moody when they got closer to their destination, which only pissed Arthur off. However, keeping his attitude in check as they tied their horses down and walked inside, once more, the familiar clerk seemed to shrivel away when he saw Arthur's face.

"Lookin' for Abigail." He stated.

"Well... So am I, she didn't show up for work yesterday, nor today..." He replied with a small frown, Arthur suddenly felt a clench of worry hit his heart, which only gave him anxiety.

He _wasn't _feeling things for Abigail right?

"She's missing?" John asked with a bit of worry as well.

"Not yet, let's not jump to conclusions... I know where she stays." Arthur mentioned softly before looking to the bookkeeper. "Thanks." He concluded before he walked back outside to his horse.

Arthur tried to play it off like he wasn't rushing, but after the sensitive information that Abigail had given him, after he asked her about it _in the open_, he was concerned that someone overheard... How could he have been so stupid to put her in danger? He took a breath, reminding himself that jumping to conclusions wouldn't help anything. He kicked The Admiral towards the hotel where she was staying, the ride was torturous, but once he recognized the building, he pulled back and quickly slid off his horse.

"Here, take him, I'm going in." Arthur instructed seriously as John got off of Gypsy.

"What? I'm not waiting out here while y-"

"Yes, you are John." Arthur interrupted seriously, still holding his reins out to John. "She doesn't bring people here, I have to be respectful... As do you." He added, ready to punch John if necessary, thankfully though, despite huffing and pouting, John took the reins from Arthur.

"What if there's someone in there?" he asked.

"Well, then I'll be really kicking myself then won't I?" Arthur inquired before turning and quickly walking into the building before John could be an asshole.

Arthur walked down the hallway that he remembered, it took a few minutes but he eventually found Abigail's door and quickly rapped on it with his fist. His heart pounded in his chest harder when she didn't answer right away. She wouldn't be _working _at this time of morning right? Arthur gulped and knocked on the door once more, when he didn't get a response, he looked around in the hallway.

He could be blowing this way out of proportion, and how would he look if she walked in on him in her room without her permission? Arthur weighed the options extensively in his head before he knelt down and pulled his lock picks out of his satchel, going to work on the door. He _had _to check just to make sure she was alright... If she wasn't there, he would leave immediately and relock the door.

Hearing a _click_ in the doors mechanism, he swung the door open carefully just in case there was someone else there... But as the light from the doorway illuminated the dim room, Arthur gasped softly as he saw blood splattered all over the floor. Looking up to the bed, he could see that she was laid out on the bed... From the way the blood looked, it seemed as if she had crawled and dragged herself onto the bed. She was still clothed, this didn't look like a sexually motivated attack, but Arthur didn't give a fuck what kind of attack this was, he bolted to Abigail's bedside, getting a better look at her injuries.

The first thing Arthur did was feel for a pulse on her jugular, feeling a bit of relief in seeing that she was still alive. Her nose was bloodied, she had a black eye, and both her eyebrow and her lip had been split open, she was really beaten up, Arthur could only imagine what her body looked like underneath the blood-soaked nightgown.

"Abigail." he urged, carefully reaching in to caress her cheek as his other hand gently nudged her shoulder, her eyes fluttered a bit, seeing her pupils focus on him was the best thing he had seen all year.

"... M-Mister Callahan?" She croaked softly, Arthur felt so fucking guilty... This had to have happened because of the information she had given them, he couldn't risk leaving her here, but he wasn't sure if Dutch would appreciate him bringing some stranger back to camp... Fuck it.

"Don't try to talk... I'm takin' you somewhere safe, I'm gonna pick you up, alright?" he asked.

Abigail seemed not to have entirely understood what he said, her head lulled to the side as she fell unconscious once more, which only affirmed Arthur's actions to take her with them. He wasn't sure how to bring her outside without raising suspicion at her battered appearance... He slipped off his coat from the cool morning air, wrapping it around her carefully before scooping her up gently in his arms.

Arthur managed to slip her out mostly unnoticed, thankfully the people who did didn't seem to give a shit. It was obvious they knew what she was, and it made Arthur sick that they could just disregard her life. He knew that it was hypocritical to shame them since he had paid for plenty of _services_ in his life, but he would never pass by someone in dire need of help just because of their job.

When he walked outside, John glanced up, going pale when he saw Abigail in Arthur's arms, completely limp.

"Holy shit..!" He gasped.

"Shh! We can't risk anyone following us." He shushed before suddenly handing Abigail over to John, who jumped but held her securely.

Arthur quickly hopped on The Admiral's back, his eyes darting around quickly, looking for anyone who could be suspicious as he held out his arms for John to hand Abigail back to him. This scenario brought back very unpleasant memories, but he took Abigail in his arms without hesitation. Once John was on his horse, Arthur kicked The Admiral, they needed to get out of this town and fast, he knew this happened because Abigail knew too much.

"John! Hang back! Make sure no one follows us!" Arthur barked.

"You sure it's a good idea separating?" John asked, though his tone informed Arthur that he wasn't arguing for the sake of arguing, but he was actually concerned which kept Arthur from ripping his head off.

"Better than leading hostiles to camp." Arthur replied, John nodded.

"Be careful." He stated to Arthur before he pulled back on his horse to slow Gypsy down.

Normally, such words would be highly regarded by Arthur, but at the moment he was more worried about keeping Abigail alive. He peered behind them on occasion, but he relaxed once they turned down the hidden path toward their camp. He was convinced that he wasn't followed, and once he saw the tents ahead of him, he called out.

"Hey! I need some help over here!"

Susan was the first to respond, peeking her head over to see what Arthur was yelling about. When she saw the bloody woman in his arms, she gasped and ran to meet them at the hitching post.

"Mary-Beth! Tilly! I'm gonna need a hand!" She bellowed, catching Dutch and Hosea's attention, they too rushed towards the scene.

"Jesus Christ! What the hell happened, Arthur?" Dutch asked. "Who is this?"

"She's the one I got all my information from..." Arthur revealed, earning a slightly surprised look from Dutch, but he kept speaking to distract from the fact that he had been seeing a woman in secret, he didn't want to open that can of worms. "I'm not completely sure what happened, she was already unconscious when I got there... I can only assume it's cause she told me about the hatch in the bank." He explained, walking towards the wagon with the medication in it.

"Bring her inside!" Susan ordered.

Arthur climbed into the back of the caravan where Susan had him lay her down on a sheet before kicking him out so she could clean Abigail up. He almost got smacked when he mentioned to Susan that he had already seen her naked so it didn't matter, he was sufficiently shooed out. He was hoping Dutch would forget about Abigail being his informant but as soon as he walked out, Dutch and Hosea were waiting for him.

"She's the one you got the tip from?" Hosea asked with slight surprise, making Arthur sigh.

"Believe it or not, she knows a shit-ton about this town... When John and I went to ask her for more information, these thugs pulled upon us and demanded money from her... She said that there's some man, Beckett, he's a cop... I wasn't able to get more information before now." He explained, Dutch put on a thoughtful expression and hummed.

"Well... Surely we can't just turn her loose... Whoever did this obviously is capable of hurtin' her." Dutch mentioned, Arthur tried not to seem too relieved, glancing to his left when he saw John pull up.

"How'd it go?" Arthur asked.

"Good, I didn't see nothin'." John replied, Arthur nodded.

"Good work back there." He praised, John gulped and cleared his throat but nodded back.

"Um... I-Is she alright?" He inquired, Arthur noted the nervous demeanor.

"She was still alive when we got here... Miss Grimshaw and the girls are workin' on her right now." Arthur explained.

It was impressive to see Arthur and John having an actual conversation, Hosea and Dutch looked at each other, both with slightly shocked expressions before they subtly departed to give them some privacy. Eventually, there was tension in the air, Arthur wasn't sure where it came from but he looked away, he figured now was the best time to leave as well to avoid confrontation, but John suddenly spoke.

"Are you with her?" He slightly blurted, stopping Arthur in his tracks.

He wasn't expecting John to be so bold, he honestly wasn't sure how to answer the question initially but he didn't take long to turn to John. There was a hardness in his gaze and he was obviously challenging Arthur to a degree but without trying to start trouble.

"... Not exactly." Arthur finally answered.

"What does that mean?" John questioned.

"It means what it means... If I need to dumb it down for you I will... We've already been together." He revealed, even though it was plainly obvious from their interactions it still made John's soul shudder at the verbal confirmation. "But we _ain't_ together." He clarified.

"You're such a-"

"I'm warning you right now." Arthur snapped, walking towards John like a storm to be reckoned with, he stopped just a few feet away. "If you want any chance with that woman, I suggest you stop before I rearrange your damn face." He threatened.

"That's enough." Susan intervened as she and Tilly walked out of the tent.

Both John and Arthur seemed slightly embarrassed since their pissing contest was overheard, but they both shut up immediately and turned to Susan to hear the news of Abigail's fate.

"How is she?" Arthur asked.

"She'll make it... She's beaten up but luckily she doesn't look mortally wounded... But I expect _both _of you to stay away from her, she don't need stress from you two while she's tryin' to heal. Am I clear?" She asked, despite Arthur really wanting to piss John off, he nodded and so did John. "Good... Now go, git." She quipped.

Arthur and John turned their gazes to one another briefly, John scoffed slightly before he turned away from Arthur and walking away. Arthur sighed and reached up, rubbing his eyes exhaustedly, he should've just kept his mouth shut... He was making real progress with John, he couldn't afford to fuck it up, but John was such a prick. Arthur ventured toward his tent, his outfit was completely tarnished from Abigail's blood, he figured he could at least change to get his mind off of John.

He slipped inside, only to see Dutch rifling through his chest near his cot. Arthur arched a brow and cleared his throat, watching Dutch turn back to Arthur momentarily before returning to digging through his things.

"The hell are you doin'?" Arthur finally asked, walking towards his side of the tent and reaching up, slipping off his vest and tossing it to the floor before starting to unbutton his shirt, facing away from Dutch.

"I can't find my damn pipe... We moved so fast from the woods I'm worried I left it behind." Dutch commented dryly, he liked cigarettes and cigars but he truly appreciated smoking from a pipe.

Arthur thought about the last time he saw it as his shirt slipped down his shoulders. A light bulb went off in his brain, he turned over towards Dutch.

"The pants that go with your green suit." He piped up before walking towards the chest and kneeling next to Dutch.

Dutch turned his attention over to Arthur, his expression one of confusion, but it quickly changed to shock as he realized Arthur was shirtless next to him, blood still slightly covering his right shoulder, he was truly a sight. His muscles rippled down his back and down his abdomen, scars aligning his body like a piece of artwork that Dutch had never seen before. Reaching inside, Arthur carefully searched through the sea of clothing.

How the hell Dutch had so many clothing items, Arthur never understood. However, eventually, Arthur came across an emerald suit jacket and knew that the pants wouldn't be far away. Catching the piece in question, he reached into the front pocket before the ivory pipe slipped out in his hand, offering it to Dutch who now seemed stunned at the fact that Arthur remembered where it was.

Arthur didn't realize Dutch had been staring at him until he turned his gaze over to Dutch and noticed a piercing gaze that Arthur had never seen pointed at him before. His breath hitched and his mouth suddenly went dry, he had no clue what to say, if he could even speak. The two sat there in the tent for god knew how long before Dutch finally blinked and reached forward, gently taking the pipe from Arthur, their hands grazing as he did so. Arthur felt as if his skin had been singed by the heat of Dutch's skin against his own.

"... How the hell did you know?" Dutch finally asked, chuckling as he looked down to it, Arthur swallowed before managing to speak.

"That job in Colorado," he answered. "When we went to that party held by the mayor... The last time I saw you smokin' out of it, you and me were standin' outside talking about the plan..." He explained, reaching up and rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly.

Dutch shook his head in slight disbelief as he looked to the pipe and back to Arthur, it wasn't often he got to see Arthur up close like this and what was disconcerting was that his heart was beginning to beat out of his chest. Arthur's eyes were pools that Dutch always seemed to drown in whenever their gazes met... And what was even worse was that he enjoyed it.

"Dunno what I'd do without you." He chortled in good humor.

"You'd survive." Arthur scoffed with a small smile, but Dutch shook his head quickly.

"I dunno about that... You've saved my ass too many times to count." He mused before he stood up, Arthur following in tow before his eyes slithered down once more briefly. "Here." He snickered, reaching into his pocket and pulling out a rag and nodding to a bucket full of water in the tent. "You should probably wipe that shit off."

Arthur's eyes turned down for a moment, realizing blood had still slightly caked his arm and shoulder, he took the cloth and nodded his thanks. That wasn't embarrassing... He walked to the pail and dipped the rag into it before sufficiently wiping Abigail's blood off of him... He hoped she would be alright, and suddenly as if Dutch had read his mind he spoke.

"You care about that girl, don't you?" He asked curiously, Arthur frowned as he turned back.

"I wouldn't go that far." He muttered.

"You seemed a bit frazzled when you rode in." Dutch mentioned with a slight smirk.

"Yeah well, she wasn't exactly in a good way. Didn't fancy her dyin' on my horse." Arthur huffed before he tossed the bloody cloth at Dutch in a slight warning.

Dutch dodged the cloth and quickly put his hands up in surrender.

"Obviously still a touchy subject, nevermind." He defused with a playful yet apologetic smile.

Despite wanting to be annoyed, Arthur missed _this _Dutch... He had always fallen in love with Dutch's personality in a way, there was a reason that he had been with Dutch since he was a boy and defended him to the end. Arthur ultimately smiled and chuckled softly.

"You're lucky ol' man. I'd hate to ruin your night." He snickered, hoping to get under Dutch's skin slightly.

"That a threat?" Dutch asked, but his tone hinted at something else besides playful banter, it threw Arthur off to a point that he actually swiveled his head back towards Dutch.

At that moment, Dutch's eyes were so intense they could have brought Arthur to his knees. Dutch had never been so openly... Assertive? Arthur wasn't sure what to call it but his heart leaped as Dutch took a few steps toward him. Arthur wasn't sure what had came over him but his body stiffened and he felt like he couldn't move under Dutch's captivating eyes.

"Cause I don't take kindly to threats." Dutch seemed to purr as he stopped in front of Arthur. "... Hate to have to teach you a lesson about respect."

Despite that Arthur knew that was supposed to intimidate him, and it did in a way, but not in the way Dutch was probably attempting to... All he could think about was the erection forming in his trousers.

Almost as if someone had heard his prayers, a voice suddenly came through the flaps to their tent.

"Arthur, the girl is askin' for you." Tilly said from outside.

Finally, Arthur felt like he could breathe again, the two of them both looked back towards the entrance of the tent before glancing back to each other. They both seemed a bit surprised at the turn of events that had just unfolded before them.

"... I'll be out in a minute." Arthur called out, and what drove him to speak next he wasn't sure, but he turned and reached into his trunk, pulling out a clean shirt, beginning to slip it on before turning his attention back to Dutch. "... Suppose this lesson of yours is gonna have to wait." He mentioned, his tone quiet, almost inviting.

Dutch swallowed, taking a step back from Arthur as he redressed. What in the fuck had gotten into them? Why he suddenly went after Arthur he didn't understand, when Arthur finally fastened all the buttons on his shirt and went to head out Dutch spoke one last time.

"Thank you for... Helping me find this." He said, motioning to the pipe, Arthur paused and turned back briefly before he smiled and nodded, taking Dutch's breath away before disappearing out of the tent.

Dutch was relieved when Arthur was gone... He trudged to his cot and sat down, looking at the pipe in his hands as the events before ran through his mind. The way Arthur openly challenged him... Why did it turn him on?

* * *

Arthur tried to shove down what had just happened with Dutch into the back of his mind as he walked towards Abigail's tent. Susan was standing outside, scowling as usual as he approached.

"... Ten minutes." She ordered, Arthur rolled his eyes but nodded before he slipped inside, Abigail was laying down, it seemed as if Susan and Tilly had changed her into a new gown and she had been cleaned up.

"Mister Callahan," She croaked with a small smile as he walked to her bedside, grabbing the chair near her cot and sitting in it next to her. "Nice to see a familiar face." She added, Arthur couldn't help but smile, reaching forward and taking her hand in his, but realizing that Abigail didn't know where she was and who she was with, he frowned.

"... Morgan." he muttered, Abigail seemed confused.

"What?" She asked.

"My name is Arthur Morgan." He clarified, she furrowed her brows slightly, Arthur sighed. "... Do you know who I am?" He then asked, he knew the question would probably sound stupid, Abigail tilted her head.

"... Well, I suppose not." She mentioned, she seemed a bit intimidated, sitting up carefully with Arthur's help.

"You're in the camp of the Van der Linde Gang... My name is Arthur Morgan, I'm sorry for keepin' it from you but I the price on my head alone is worth more than a whole homestead." He explained, watching her expressions carefully, he had to make sure she wouldn't rat. "... Do you have questions?" He asked.

"I-I... Well, I heard of the Van der Linde Gang, not much but enough to know that... Y'all are bad news." She muttered, making Arthur avert his gaze momentarily. "... _Are _y'all bad news?" She inquired, Arthur thought for a moment, wanting to be honest.

"... Well, I can't say we're good. We're just tryin' to build a life for ourselves and live, not just survive. We don't steal from the poor, we take from people who have plenty to go around and don't hesitate to help folk in need... But we kill, we steal... We ain't good men, Miss Roberts." He said confidently, but Abigail seemed to relax at Arthur's explanation, he grasped her hand gently for good measure.

"That why you were askin' about the safe?" She asked, Arthur hesitated but nodded.

"Can I ask what the hell happened to you?" he questioned, unable to help himself, Abigail seemed to sigh in frustration more than anything.

"It was just Beckett's stupid dogs again." She growled. "Tried to be funny on me when I didn't have the money to pay and didn't take too kindly when I fought back." She scoffed, infuriating Arthur to a degree.

"Did they mention about you tellin' us anythin' about the bank?"

"No. Trust me, if they woulda known they woulda killed me." She stated seriously, Arthur was relieved but he frowned.

"Well, I'll have to run it by Dutch but I'm sure he wouldn't mind you stickin' around with us... If you want, you'd be safer and you wouldn't have to worry about protection money." He said, Abigail seemed hesitant.

"I-I dunno Arthur, I don't wanna be a burden. I already owe too many people I don't wanna owe y'all too." She sighed, Arthur shook his head.

"As long as you put work into camp you don't gotta worry about payin' us for anything... Did you want to meet Dutch? I promise he don't bite." Arthur chuckled, Abigail still held a frown but she nodded.

"I suppose, I look like hell." She groaned, reaching up and gently rubbing the swollen bruising around her right eye, Arthur shook his head, his hand that had been clasped in hers the whole time came up and brushed some hair behind her ear.

"Nonsense... I'll be back." He mused, watching her blush to his satisfaction before he ducked out of the tent and immediately looking to Susan who already had a pointed stare on him, he put his hands up. "She wants to meet Dutch." He mentioned, Susan sighed and nodded, waving Arthur off.

Thankfully Dutch was just standing outside their tent smoking his pipe casually, Arthur was a bit hesitant on going to see him again after what happened earlier but he cleared his throat as he approached.

"You wanna meet Abigail?" He asked, Dutch seemed to light up a little bit.

"Of course. How's she doing?" He inquired as he placed his pipe aside, Arthur was relieved to see there was no awkwardness.

"She's tired and beat up, but she's alright..." He mused before nodding to the tent.

When he and Dutch walked in, Abigail turned her head towards the tent flap, Susan was inside accessing her injuries. She seemed slightly intimidated of Dutch and Arthur didn't blame her, Dutch was a powerful presence, his aura commanded respect. He pulled up the chair Arthur was sitting in before while Arthur simply waited by the doorway.

"You better not overwhelm her Dutch van der Linde or I'll serve your rump for dinner." Susan threatened seriously, Dutch quickly put his hands up.

"I've not even said one word to her yet." He scoffed, Susan eyed him suspiciously before Abigail finally spoke.

"I-I think I'll be okay Miss Grimshaw... Thank you so much for your care." She stated, looking over to Susan who seemed to be pleasantly surprised by her gratitude, she nodded and looked to Arthur.

"Ten minutes, Mister Morgan." She reminded before she slipped out.

"She can be... Well, she knows what's best for us." Dutch chuckled softly to Abigail who smiled.

"She seems intense, but she has a good head on her shoulders... Took care of me so well when I got here." Abigail sighed and gently rested a hand on her head.

"Speakin' o' which," Dutch murmured. "Arthur tells me you were his informant on the bank, is that right?" He asked, Abigail seemed to stiffen slightly before looking to Arthur who gently sent a nod of encouragement, only then did she reply, her hesitation was promising of someone tight-lipped.

"W-Well... Yes. You must understand if I'm... Hesitant to speak of it at all." She muttered.

"Of course... I'm not tryin' to make you uncomfortable Miss..?"

"Roberts," She replied looking to Arthur. "Without Mister Morgan they probably woulda came to finish me off sooner or later..." She sighed, Dutch turning his head back to Arthur briefly who cleared his throat, he didn't like all the thanks bring thrown his way.

"Well, Arthur is my second in command, if he saved you I know he did it for a good reason... But I have to say for obvious reasons... We're dangerous men, Miss Roberts." He stated seriously, the words coming out of him almost like a warning and a test, his dark eyes scanning over Abigail.

"... I expected nothing less, Mister Van der Linde." She replied evenly, causing a small smile to creep onto Dutch's features, he already liked her.

"Good, I would like to talk more about the bank in the future when you're well if that's alright." He mentioned, Abigail seemed to think before her hands fidgeted slightly.

"Of course... But that would be like a favor to you, yeah?" She asked, Dutch seemed intrigued.

"Maybe... Is there something you need in return?" He inquired.

"Well, A-Arthur said... That he might talk to you about letting me stay here... I was thinkin' and well, if I go back... There's no doubt Beckett is gonna be lookin' for me, you boys obviously know how to handle yourselves... I could use the extra protection and-" Dutch quickly put a hand up to silence her, she looked like a nervous wreck the poor girl.

"... You're safe here, Miss Roberts." Dutch affirmed, watching relief wash over her. "However long you decide to stay is up to you... But yes, if you tell me all you know about the bank you will have free passage to come and go as you please assuming you don't go spreadin' our location around... I try not to restrict anyone's freedom, our rules are simple here, you keep quiet about who we are, where we are, and if you want to bring someone around, you run it by me or Arthur, and whatever you take, half of it goes to camp." He explained calmly and Abigail nodded as he did so.

"That seems... Fair actually." She muttered.

"The government paints us as savages from another world but I assure you we aren't... So what do you say, Miss Roberts?" Dutch asked, reaching over and gently taking her hand, she blushed as she relaxed.

"... I-I say thank you, Mister Van der Linde." She mentioned, reaching up and wiping her eyes of tears. "I-I'm sorry I'm just relieved." She sniffed.

"Don't be sorry darlin'... Our conversation can wait until you're healed, I want you to focus on gettin' better." He said, bringing her hand up to his lip, his mustache gently grazing her skin as he kissed the back of it before he stood up and turned to Arthur. "I'll leave you two alone until Miss Grimshaw drags you outta here." He snickered, watching Arthur send a less than flattering pointed look at him before he ducked out of the tent, Arthur's glare following him.

_Asshole._

"So Mister Morgan." Abigail mused, catching Arthur's attention and taking the sting out of his gaze as he approached her beside again, reclaiming his seat and pulling it up close to her bedside. "... If it weren't for you I would probably be dead right now." She chuckled, reaching forward and taking Arthur's hand.

This was getting a bit dangerous... Arthur's heart thumped uncomfortably in his chest when he felt her hand grasp his again. He felt an overwhelming need to protect her and he knew where that feeling was heading if he let it get out of hand. However, he squeezed her hand anyway, shaking his head in reply.

"Don't thank me... Now you have Dutch and Susan to deal with, trust me, I did you no favors." He snickered, watching Abigail giggle, God she had a beautiful laugh.

"He seemed lovely." She replied, Arthur laughed again.

"I'll be sure to write that one down... He's a good man, he gets ahead of himself sometimes but he's good." He explained.

"If he's anywhere as good as you... Reckon we'll get along fine." Abigail said, her eyes fluttering slightly at Arthur.

"I am _not _a good man I assure you, Miss Roberts." He crowed in response.

"You are to me..." Abigail quipped, causing Arthur to meet her gaze.

** _BA-BUMP._ **

"... I should probably let you rest up." He muttered, pulling his hand from hers gently and standing up.

"I am pretty tired... Will you come visit me again?" She inquired as he turned away to leave, he paused.

"... Yeah, of course."

> I'll never settle down,  
That's what I always thought  
Yeah, I was that kind of man,  
Just ask anyone
> 
> I don't dance, but here I am  
Spinning you around and around in circles  
It ain't my style, but I don't care  
I'd do anything with you anywhere  
Yes, you got me in the palm of your hand  
'Cause, I don't dance
> 
> Love's never come my way,  
I've never been this far  
'Cause you took these two left feet  
And waltzed away with my heart
> 
> No, I don't dance, but here I am  
Spinning you around and around in circles  
It ain't my style, but I don't care  
I'd do anything with you anywhere  
Yes, you got me in the palm of your hand, girl  
'Cause, I don't dance
> 
> No, I don't dance
> 
> I don't dance, but here I am  
Spinning you around and around in circles  
It ain't my style, but I don't care  
Well I'd do anything with you anywhere
> 
> I don't dance, but here I am  
Spinning you around and around in circles  
It ain't my style, but I don't care  
I'd do anything with you anywhere  
Yeah, you got me in the palm of your hand, girl  
'Cause, I don't dance
> 
> source: [I Don't Dance by Lee Brice](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fQs8aaKsyMw)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the slight lapse in uploading, I'm trying not to do what I did last part and not post for like a month lmao. I just moved out of my apartment and am getting settled in my new living situation. So if there's a pause in chapters here and there just be patient and know I'm doing whatever I can! Hope this chapter was worth the wait!  
Also, I know there isn't a lot of action between John and Arthur in this chapter but there is so much I have planned for this part that like... Trust me okay it'll be worth it lmaooooo.  
-Eros


	6. Chapter 6

Susan set Abigail on a strict bed ridden policy for the first couple of weeks of her residence mainly because she didn't know Abigail and didn't know her body nor her pain tolerance, to which she seemed to have a high one. For John, it was painful... It was day six and he had seen Arthur go into Abigail's tent at least four times... For quite long periods of time.

John wasn't exactly sure as to why he was so angry about Arthur seeming to pursue this woman... He knew that he could probably get a girl if he wanted to but she seemed different and he couldn't muster up the courage to go in and talk to her. In all actuality, he didn't have the grounds to be mad, and John knew that, which was why John avoided Arthur like the plague, he didn't want to be an ass to Arthur undeservedly but he wasn't sure if he couldn't hold his tongue... So he did the next best thing.

While Arthur had considered using Abigail against John to a degree, he regretted spending the time that he had with her when John went back to not speaking to him at all... He couldn't remember the last time John had spoke to him, he ventured to guess it was the day he brought Abigail back. While he cared for Abigail, he would trade it if John would converse with him again. He hated how much he longed for John's voice again...

"Arthur." Abigail quipped, causing Arthur to blink and glance to her quickly. "You okay?" She asked with a hint of amusement.

Abigail had healed considerably and she probably could be up and moving around but Susan wouldn't budge about her staying in bed until she looked at her tomorrow, officially a week after the assault. The swelling in her face was gone and the bruising had reduced considerably, they hadn't slept together nor had they made any serious romantic gesture towards one another but there was definitely something in the air when they were alone... Abigail was funny, gorgeous and he felt butterflies ignite in his gut when she looked at him. Arthur was definitely sweet on her.

"Yeah, I'm fine... Sorry, I haven't been sleepin' well the past couple days." he yawned, reaching up and rubbing his eyes tiredly.

"Really?" She asked, worry hinting in her tone, when Arthur nodded, she scooted forward and took Arthur's other hand, catching his attention as she gently pulled him toward her. "C'mere." She instructed.

Arthur tilted his head slightly but he got up and moved to sit on her cot, watching as Abigail went around and felt goosebumps immediately scatter across his skin when he felt her palms rest on his shoulders. Abigail went to work on his back and neck, occasionally rubbing his shoulders, it felt so good Arthur could have died and gone to heaven.

"You're tense." She commented. "Just like last time." She teased softly.

"You're just as good..." He groaned.

"I try..." She simpered with a small giggle, continuing to massage his knots carefully and occasionally allowed her breasts to brush against Arthur's back.

"You know... If Miss Grimshaw walks in on this... She'll kill me..." he mumbled, not exactly moving to stop her.

"I'll tell her I hypnotized you..." She snickered, earning a tired chortle from Arthur as his head swiveled over to looked at her as best he could.

"Hypnotizing me is easy..." He snorted, his eyes fluttering shut for a moment, long enough for him not to realize that Abigail had paused rubbing his back.

When Arthur opened his eyes, Abigail was in front of him, her eyes meeting his, her smile captivating him in ways that he hadn't felt in years... He was finding it harder and harder to resist by the minute. Her hand reached out, his eyes watched it carefully as her hand carefully took ahold of his own, she seemed as if there was something she wanted to say but she couldn't find the words...

The hand that was within her grasp gently removed itself, grazing her arm, his fingers carefully meeting her shoulder before slithering up her neck and finally coming to rest on her cheek. Flashes of Mary went through Arthur's mind, making his movements falter for a moment... But not long enough. Abigail leaned into the touch, her cheeks flushing red.

Despite hesitating, Arthur started leaning forward, encouraging Abigail to do the same... Their lips were probably inches apart when-

"Mister Morgan!" Susan yelled from outside, harshly startling both Arthur and Abigail as they heard Susan's footsteps growing nearer and nearer to the tent.

Arthur quickly and almost clumsily moved back to his original seat away from Abigail and Abigail resumed herself beneath the blankets in bed properly by the time Susan threw open the tent flap. She wasn't stupid, she could see from the blush on Abigail's face and the fact that Arthur's hands were _conveniently _covering his crotch that something was definitely going on.

"... Dutch wants you to ride with him." She growled slightly, folding her arms over her chest.

Arthur knew that trying to make excuses or defend himself was not smart here. He just slightly sent a fearful gaze to Abigail who tried to contain laughter as best she could before he got up and slinked out the door, at least his growing erection was gone.

Once he was outside he turned his head behind him quickly, relieved that Susan didn't follow him. Turning his gaze back forward, Arthur could see Dutch smoking a cigarette waiting patiently by The Count; looking around for John, Arthur caught him sitting by the fire with Hosea, he was actually reading to Arthur's surprise. He was also relieved that it seemed John wasn't coming with them.

"Sorry to interrupt you brother, but I got a tip about someone who might know somethin' about that lock." Dutch mentioned, Arthur huffed.

"You weren't interruptin' anything."

"Whatever you say... Come on." Dutch ordered as he hopped up on his horse, watching Arthur do the same as they rode out.

* * *

John tried to ignore Arthur's voice and the exchange of words between him and Dutch.

_You weren't interruptin' anything._

John blinked, his gaze shifting up momentarily and watching Arthur and Dutch mount their horses and take off... He wasn't sure what got into him at first, but John's eyes darted to Abigail's tent and without hesitation he closed his book and got up, walking towards it.

"Uh, mind if I come in?" John asked.

"Absolutely no-"

"Oh come on Miss Grimshaw! Please?" Abigail begged, there was a pause.

"... Come in." Susan finally scoffed.

John slipped inside, trying to conceal his nerves as he saw Susan checking Abigail's bruised face. When Susan watched John walk inside, her glare landed on him, causing John to hesitate momentarily as she turned to face him.

"No funny business, you hear?" She asked, John blinked but he nodded.

Susan knew John was still too afraid of her to defy that order so she left without much of a fight. When he looked back to Abigail he relaxed as he watched her giggle softly. He couldn't help but smile as well at her beaming expression, walking forward and taking Arthur's previous seat by her bedside.

"Sorry, you're John, right? Arthur's brother?" Abigail inquired, Arthur's name alone almost made John shudder, he cleared his throat to hide his discomfort.

"Sorta... Not blood-related." He vaguely explained.

"I take it your name isn't Callahan either then?"

"Marston." John clarified, watching Abigail nod and mentally store the information. "... How're you feeling? You were in rough shape last time I saw you." He mentioned.

"Much better, Miss Grimshaw won't let me out of this damn bed." She scoffed, making John smile a bit more, he liked her attitude.

"Get used to that." He chuckled.

"I know it's cause she cares but I'm not an invalid..." She groaned.

"I'm glad you're doin' better... I was worried for ya." He mused absent-mindedly, blushing when he realized he had said it out loud and looking to Abigail's expression, she seemed flattered.

"You were worried about little ol me?" She asked, John shrugged.

"Maybe..." He snickered, however when he looked to her eyes again they were locked on something in his lap, when his eyes followed hers he could see the book that he was reading before. "You like this book?" He asked, and suddenly Abigail seemed uncomfortable.

"U-Uh... N-Not really I..." She mumbled, looking away, John frowned.

"Hey, you alright? I'm sorry I didn't mean to offend ya." He said, worry haunting him.

"It's not that... It's just..." She muttered, unsure if she should tell John. "... You seem nice John but... Can you promise me you won't tell _anyone _what I'm about to tell you?" She asked with extreme nervousness, this piqued John's interest, had she even told Arthur this yet?

"Of course... Promise." He swore, Abigail still seemed to hesitate but she scooted towards John.

"I dunno why I'm about to tell you my darkest secret, we just met." She scoffed mostly to herself, but when she met John's gaze, her breath hitched and she was shocked to feel her heart pound out of her chest and she felt compelled to tell John. "... I never really... Learned how to read." She confessed, John seemed surprised.

"That's all?" He asked in surprise, jumping as Abigail gently swatted him.

"Don't say that!" She laughed, obviously embarrassed.

"Sorry!" He chuckled. "It's really not that bad, Abigail... I didn't learn till I was twelve, and I'm pretty sure Arthur was the same... The only reason we learned was cause of Dutch." John explained, Abigail sighed and shook her head.

"Yeah, but I never learned." She muttered, obviously ashamed of that fact.

John frowned when he saw that Abigail was obviously bummed out because of that fact. He quickly opened the book to a few of the illustrations and moved closer to her, showing her to them.

"... It's about a man whose wife and son are kidnapped by the Indians, he comes back from a day of hunting only to see that his homestead was burned to the ground..." He explained, turning the pages to the next picture. "Instead of fighting with the Indians and risking his family's safety he negotiates peacefully with them, getting his family back without bloodshed... It wasn't very popular when it came out." He added with a small snicker.

"Have to admit, that's not where I thought it was going..." Abigail mused as she turned the pages in John's hands, looking at the words. "How do you read these... Things? I don't understand." She sighed.

"... Did you want to learn?" He asked, seeing Abigail's gaze light up momentarily.

"O-Of course... But I don't wanna burden anyone." She deflected.

"It won't be a burden... I might not be as good of a teacher as Dutch but it wouldn't be a bother... Think of it as an honor." John offered, hoping he didn't sound desperate.

"... I-If you're sure." Abigail said, John stood up and reached into his satchel, pulling out a worn pencil before carefully taking a seat on Abigail's cot, gauging to see if she minded.

When she didn't move away or seem uncomfortable, John closed the book before opening it up to the cover page that was blank before he began writing the ABC's, he knew that to teach her he needed to start from the basics.

* * *

Dutch's contact turned out to be a bust for the most part, nothing useful enough to get excited about. Thankfully they hadn't gone too far out of their way but it was still a letdown, Arthur could tell Dutch was bothered about that fact.

"We'll figure somethin' out, Dutch." Arthur mentioned to hopefully calm the other's nerves.

"I know... We have to." Dutch muttered in reply, Arthur frowned, glancing over to see a hard expression on Dutch's face, he was about to send more encouragements over before he was interrupted.

"Help! Please stop!" A woman screamed from the side of the road, causing both Dutch and Arthur to pull back harshly on their horses.

The woman looked dirty as if she had been in a scuffle of some kind, Arthur looked around, wondering where she could have possibly come from.

"What's the problem, ma'am?" Dutch asked with a frown while she caught her breath.

"M-My brother! He's only a boy and h-he fell down a hole on our land and I can't get him out!" She explained, Arthur brought out his watch and looked at the time.

"Dutch are you sure this is-"

"Come on, darlin', let's go get your brother." Dutch cut Arthur off, not exactly to his surprise.

Arthur rolled his eyes but if there really was a kid stuck somewhere he would kick himself for not going to help. He watched Dutch carefully help the woman onto his horse, she seemed young probably late teens. Where were her parents? He knew he shouldn't judge being that he didn't have parents either but something about this felt wrong... Maybe suspicious?

Arthur was a good judge of character as was Dutch, he figured if Dutch was comfortable with this situation, he was blowing it out of proportion. He rode without question, following Dutch off the trail for about five or ten minutes through some dense trees, he could see a homestead in the distance but it looked... Old? Something still felt off here, he couldn't see anyone living in the shack that was within eyeshot. However, as they got closer and closer to the _hole _the girl talked about, she pointed.

"There!" The girl yelled.

Arthur and Dutch both slipped off their saddles and jogged to the hole, it was deep but Dutch could see the boy.

"Don't worry son! We're here to help!" Dutch called to the boy as he accessed the situation. "... I think one of us is gonna have to climb in there and the other is gonna have to pull him out..." He explained, Arthur nodded.

"... You go, I'll have a better chance of pulling you both out." Arthur mused with a small smirk.

"Funny." Dutch snorted but he got to his knees. "Watch out! I'm coming down!" He called before he dropped.

The hole was a little deeper than expected but Dutch got down without much of an issue, looking around he could see the child huddled in the corner of the hole. He frowned and held out a hand.

"C'mere son... I ain't gonna hurt you..." He coaxed, it took a moment but the boy slowly crawled out of his hiding spot and looked at Dutch's hand, he had brunette hair, his face was dirty but he had blue eyes.

Dutch looked at the child and a feeling of nostalgia washed through him. He remembered finding John and Arthur... They grew up to be such well adjusted young men, when the child finally took his hand Dutch smiled.

Arthur stood up top, his arms crossed around his chest while the girl watched, she seemed in a hurry, her eyes looking around on occasion, was she looking out for someone? It wasn't Arthur's business, he just waited patiently, however, a small glint of light caught his attention briefly and his gaze turned to the house on the property. He frowned as he stared at it, he could have sworn he saw something move in there...

"Arthur!" Dutch called, catching his attention once more.

Arthur quickly laid down on his stomach on the edge of the hole, it almost looked like someone considered putting an oil rig on this land and then pulled out. He extended his arm as far as he could, Dutch held the boy up as high as he could as well. They were just a little bit off.

"You're gonna have to toss him to me!" Arthur said.

"You sure you can catch him?" Dutch asked curiously.

"Shut up and throw the kid." Arthur grumbled.

Dutch counted out loud to three before he threw the child with all his strength upwards, Arthur managed to catch his arm.

"I got him!" Arthur barked and reached down to get ahold of him with both hands, slowly hoisting him up.

"Jacob!" The girl whimpered with relief as she saw Arthur pull the child up.

The boy immediately ran into the girls arms, but before Arthur could do anything more about them he had to get Dutch back up.

"Ready Arthur?" Dutch asked.

"As I'll ever be..." Arthur mused dryly.

Dutch took a few deep breaths, hyping himself up before he ran towards the wall, managing to hook his foot on a divet on the wall, vaulting himself up to Arthur's hanging hand. Arthur grunted as Dutch caught his hand, his other hand coming down as it had before to grab Dutch's shirt, hauling him up sloppily. He panted heavily as he finally helped Dutch climb back up, Arthur ended up laying on his back for a few seconds to regain his breath.

Opening his eyes he saw Dutch already standing, offering a hand to him with his signature grin. He was so damn charming sometimes Arthur hated it, but he reached up, clapping his palm into the offered palm before hoisting himself back onto his two feet.

"Not bad Arthur, I'm impressed." he chortled, Arthur scoffed.

"I told you to jump down there for a reason." He snickered.

However, when they looked to the woman, she seemed to have a somber expression on her face, the boy also seemed to stare at them... That unwelcome feeling suddenly hit Arthur in the stomach again.

"I-... I'm so sorry." She muttered, reaching behind her and pulling out an old revolver, pointing it at Arthur and Dutch, pushing the child behind her.

Arthur and Dutch frowned with the sudden turn of events, Dutch obviously had to turn up the charm, he slowly took a step toward the woman. He had talked down probably dozens of guns drawn at him in the past.

"Whoa now... Calm down darlin'..." He seemed to coo, Arthur stayed as still as a statue as he watched the events unfold, he thought about pulling out his gun as well but he didn't want to point it in the direction of a child if he could help it.

"Y-You don't understand..." The girl sniffed as she and the child backed away.

"Why don't you explain it to us..? C'mon... We can go somewhere safe with food and warmth... You don't have to do this sweetheart." He stated, continuing to slowly walk towards the girl.

Once more, something distracted Arthur's peripheral, turning his head towards the shack and he furrowed his brows. Someone _was _in there... Narrowing his eyes to try and see what exactly was going on, the only thing he saw was another flicker of light coming from the window, almost as if a mirror had hit the sunlight... And suddenly it all clicked.

"Dutch!" Arthur yelled, sprinting towards him and shoving him back into the hole.

_ **BANG.** _

All Arthur felt was a searing feeling in his chest, his entire body giving out as he went down to the floor, the woman screamed as it all unfolded. Arthur was on his back, and suddenly it felt hard to breathe and each breath was excruciatingly painful... A shaky hand came up and felt his left pec, it was warm and it was wet. All he could see was the clouds above him beginning to swirl slowly.

He could hear hooves pounding towards him, but all Arthur could focus on was continuing to breathe, he felt like he was suffocating. Taking slow and deep breaths were probably what saved him, but he could hear voices... They seemed to chatter as they approached him and suddenly there were three unfamiliar men standing around him looking down at him.

"You weren't supposed to kill him!" One hissed.

"I wasn't tryin' to! I was aimin' for the other guy but he shoved him down the hole!"

There was a pause, Arthur couldn't move enough to check to see what was going on.

"It looks like the other guy is knocked out down there, there ain't no way we're haulin' him out."

Arthur wheezed softly, the burning in his chest close to unbearable at this point. He needed to draw attention away from Dutch anyway.

"Shit! What're we doin' with this guy?"

"He's just gonna die anyway... I say leave him."

There were many voices arguing on what they were going to do with Arthur, he was getting ready to just yell at them to just put a bullet in him instead of wasting his time, but his eyes looked to his right and he could see the woman, watching everything from the side with horror in her eyes, doing whatever she could to shield the boys eyes... But the blue hue of the innocence in his eyes was the last thing Arthur saw.

* * *

When Dutch woke up, it was dark and he had a throbbing headache. He groaned, reaching up and wincing when he felt a rather nasty gash near his temple, he was lucky the fall didn't kill him, but as he remembered the events from before his heart started throbbing uncontrollably. The last thing he remembered was Arthur shoving him, a gunshot and the woman screaming...

Slowly sitting up he felt dizziness hit him immediately, maybe he hit his head harder than he originally thought but his first priority was finding out what happened to Arthur... If he was still alive. A cold knife hit his heart at the thought of Arthur being a corpse up there waiting for him... He had to know.

Beginning to try and scale the wall was a pitiful attempt at looking stupid, but he tried, the wall was at least nine or ten feet, how the child had originally gotten down here was impressive to begin with. After what felt like an hour of trying to climb what was looking to be his grave, Dutch panted and leaned against the wall, slowly sliding down onto his rear to rest and try and think of a new rational plan... Things were starting to look grim, but hearing a twig snap above him, Dutch craned his head upwards.

He thought he saw a figure upwards, and despite knowing it wasn't smart to draw attention to himself, he was in kind of a dire situation.

"Hey! Anyone up there that can help me?" He called, he didn't hear anything in reply but he narrowed his eyes, someone was _definitely _there. "If you don't say somethin' soon I'll shoot ya, partner." He threatened, he still had his guns, after all, his extremely sore body wasn't looking for a fight but he needed to stay alive.

Once more there was silence, but the figure that was there seemed to come closer to the edge of the hole and before Dutch could figure out who it was, they jumped down to his surprise... And he was even more shocked to see the child that he had saved before had come down. For a moment, Dutch just stared at him dumbfounded and the child stared back, he wasn't sure exactly what to say at first until the child walked passed him and pointed to the back wall of the hole.

"What about it?" Dutch asked curiously, not understanding.

The boy walked forward and formed a fist, knocking on the wall, Dutch frowned in confusion, it was hollow and it sounded like wood. What the hell? Dutch walked forward and knocked as well, knocking around the wall until he found the edge of a rather well-hidden wood panel. Pulling back, a hole was exposed in the wall of Dutch's prison. He was completely flabbergasted, looking to the boy who seemed to fidget nervously, his gaze locked on Dutch's feet, he seemed ashamed.

Dutch frowned and approached the boy, kneeling in front of him to get his attention.

"... Did someone bad put you up to this?" He asked calmly, the boy paused, hesitating, but he eventually nodded.

Dutch frowned once more, how could someone use children for their own personal gain? Especially putting one in danger... He shook his head and looked towards his salvation and back to the boy.

"... Is my friend alright?" He then asked, his heart freezing as he waited for an answer, almost hugging the child when he nodded, he knew it was probably more complicated than a simple _yes _but he would take it for now. "Can you take me to him?"

The child nodded again and walked towards the hole, it was a little snug but Dutch figured he could probably fit. He crawled inside, following the child close behind, in the back of his mind he truly hoped this wasn't another ploy against him but considering their luck the last few months he wouldn't be surprised if the barrel of a gun met him at the end of this tunnel.

However, when the tunnel opened up and Dutch was able to stand he could see they were at the entrance of an old shut down mine. Virginia City was a mining town so Dutch wasn't inherently surprised but he _was _shocked at the fact that the child started leading him _into _the mine... He looked towards the outside, he could run if he wanted just in case the child was leading him to his demise but... If he really was leading him to Arthur he couldn't leave.

Following the child, Dutch eventually brought his lighter out to provide some kind of light to help guide them through the maze of the decrepit mining operation. He was eventually able to find a torch leftover by squatters and managed to get a better source of light. They walked for what felt like ages, leading Dutch by messages on the wall written in blood, even a few skeletons here and there... It took a lot to sufficiently scare Dutch, but he was rather creeped out.

When Dutch was beginning to think this was a lost cause, or that this child was actually a demon leading him into the darkness to suck his soul from his body, he could see a light at the end of the tunnel. Shocked, he continued forward, there seemed to be a door... With a four number lock.

Dutch's breath hitched as he watched the boy effortlessly handle the lock before the door slowly swung open. The sight before him was much more welcome than the empty silent corridors before. There were torches adorning the walls, providing plenty of light as well as a few stocked shelves of canned goods and it was _big, _it could probably house upwards to fifty people.

Before Dutch could poke around he saw Arthur on a cot across the room on his back and unconscious, the woman from before that held the gun to them was by his bedside. Arthur was shirtless and obviously being cared for, but he didn't waste time in closing the distance. When the woman looked up, fear crossed her gaze as she quickly backed away from Arthur once Dutch approached. Seeing a bullet hole in Arthur's chest filled Dutch with a familiar sense of rage that he had a hard time overpowering. He wanted to hurt the people that did this to Arthur and he wanted to hurt them _bad_.

"H-He's still alive." The woman mumbled, seeing the darkness form in Dutch's eyes, thankfully the distraction was welcome for now.

"How is he?" Dutch asked, kneeling next to Arthur and looking to his expressionless unconscious face.

"Not great... Thankfully the bullet missed a lot of major blood vessels, he lost quite a bit of blood but not enough... There's still a bullet in him, I managed to get the fabric out of the wound to hopefully stop any infection for now but... I ain't a doctor." She sighed.

"You're not but you saved his life... Why?" Dutch asked, sending a pointed gaze toward her, he wasn't about to pull his gun on her but he didn't exactly trust her yet either.

"... N-No one was supposed to die I-I..." She whimpered, reaching up and quickly wiping her eyes, Dutch sighed and stood up, rubbing his eyes.

"Calm down... It's alright, I'm not gonna hurt you. Despite everything that happened... I owe you." He explained, nodding to Arthur, the woman calmed down a bit and managed to catch her breath before speaking again.

"... They haven't been around for very long but they're a mean group of bastards... The Ravens, it's just been me and my brother and it's been hard, but I've made it work... H-He can't really talk." She murmured, Dutch glanced over to the boy who was reading a book not too far away from here.

"I noticed... He's a smart kid." Dutch commented.

"He is... Very smart." The girl said almost fondly before continuing. "... They came a few months back... Robbed us and killed my pa." She muttered, Dutch's heart ached for this broken family despite the fact they almost got he and Arthur killed. "They demanded I find 'em people to rob... I'm just one girl and with him... We can lure people pretty easily as you experienced. Usually, they just rob whoever I bring around that's it, no one was supposed to die... They use Jacob against me, threaten to hurt him if I don't help them."

Dutch understood now, this girl and her brother were just pawns, good ones at that. She had him totally fooled, he was lucky she wasn't actually with that other gang or else he would probably be dead...

"What's your name?" He asked.

"Mine? I-It's Amelia." She responded.

"... Thank you for saving my friend, Amelia." He thanked sincerely.

"You look like you could use some help too... While we're waiting for your friend to wake up, why don't I clean up your head?" She asked.

Remembering the cut on his head, he nodded, taking off his hat and sitting next to Arthur, watching him intently for any change whether good or bad. This was a great hiding place, he figured even if someone tried following them in here they would get lost in the maze of tunnels connecting each other.

"... Did he make that lock outside?" Dutch finally asked, nodding to Jacob.

"Him? Goodness, no... My father did, he worked as a locksmith before the mines opened, he was a good one... The bank hired him a few times."

_Jackpot_.

"He was a locksmith and a miner?" Dutch asked curiously.

"Well, when the mines opened it was a good bit of money, my pa was a good locksmith but there just wasn't enough work, so he started locksmithin' on the side, making minin' his career... Lost his job a few weeks before he died." She sighed.

"I'm truly sorry for your loss." He muttered.

"It's alright... He was a good man, I couldn't imagine him gettin' involved with those thugs in darkside. He was smart, and he probably could have still made money as a locksmith but you never know... He's at peace now." She mentioned, how this girl was so strong was beyond Dutch.

"I'm assumin' his mining brought you here in the tunnels?"

"Sorta... This was more of an emergency plan... Jacob can't talk but he has a great memory, he can navigate these tunnels with no light no matter the circumstances and I've learned for the most part how to get here... We thought about just running and hiding here but we gotta go outside some time... Plus navigating these tunnels takes a lot of time and if somethin' happens to us down here there ain't no one comin' in to save us." She stated.

"But it's well protected." Dutch countered casually.

"True... It's also waiting to collapse." She chuckled tiredly.

Amelia dressed Dutch's cut without much trouble, they had a golden opportunity to hit the bank with Amelia's help if she was willing to give it, but at the moment the only thing Dutch was truly concerned about was making sure Arthur lived. He would give up the bank, he would give up _everything _to make sure Arthur stayed alive... For now though... He was still breathing.

> Figures  
I gave you ride or die and you gave me games  
Love figures  
I know I'm crying 'cause you just won't change  
Love figures  
I gave it all and you gave me shit  
Love figures
> 
>   
I wish I could do exactly what you did
> 
> I wish I could hurt you back  
Love, what would you do if you couldn't get me back?  
You're the one who's gonna lose  
Something so special, something so real  
Tell me boy, how in the fuck would you feel?  
If you couldn't get me back  
That's what I wish that I could do to you, you  
To you, you
> 
> Figures  
I'm the bad guy 'cause I can't learn to trust  
Love figures  
You say sorry once and you think it's enough  
I got a lineup of girls and a lineup of guys  
Begging for me just to give 'em a try  
Figures  
I'm willing to stay  
'Cause I'm sick for your love
> 
> I wish I could hurt you back  
Love, what would you do if you couldn't get me back  
You're the one who's gonna lose  
Something so special, something so real  
Tell me boy, how in the fuck would you feel?  
If you couldn't get me back  
That's what I wish that I could do to you, you  
To you, you
> 
>   
Figures
> 
> source: [Figures by Jessie Reyez](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pespg4nDLBM)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Change of pace right? I did some research on wound mortality rates between 1870 and 1911 and surprisingly it wasn't as bad as I thought, I even found a few sources that said lung shots weren't always fatal (hence ya know). I keep forgetting that guns back then weren't as powerful as well as ammo blah blah blah you get the gist lmao. I'm fascinated.  
Anyway like always I hope you are all enjoying the story, I have so many intense things ahead for us!  
-Eros


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I guess a brief warning for this chapter there's a little bit of animal abuse. I'll label the part, it's only a small section.~  
-Eros

When Arthur and Dutch never returned, to say the camp went into panic was an understatement. They had just survived months being pursued by skinners after running away from the law in Colorado, and now they were just gone? They had been missing for three days.

"They ain't been seen in days, John!" Susan bellowed.

"What do you expect me to do? I can't just leave and go lookin' for 'em when I have no clue where they were goin' in the first place! If I knew I would be out there!" John argued.

"But if _someone _doesn't go lookin' for them and they need help-"

"Susan, Dutch and Arthur have been missing longer than this before." Hosea intervened calmly.

"They haven't been missing like this without a word in years, it ain't like them to disappear like this and nothin' you two say will change my mind." She huffed before turning on her heel and storming away.

"... Thanks, Hosea." John sighed, reaching up and rubbing his eyes.

"No problem... But she has a point John. I'll support whatever you decide, but somethin' doesn't feel right." Hosea murmured softly as to not cause more panic.

"Look, how about I go lookin' in town tomorrow? That's the best I can do until I know more, if I go look in town maybe I can find something?" John offered, Hosea nodded.

"That's fair... Thanks, John." He mused with a small proud smile.

"Don't thank me until I find them." John scoffed as he turned away and walked back towards the caravan where Abigail was currently staying, she perked up when John slipped inside.

"Anything yet?" She inquired as John plopped into the seat next to her bed.

When Susan examined Abigail, there was still some intense bruising around her torso, but she relented in allowing Abigail to be up and moving around in the morning. It was torture for her to sit and wait around for news about Arthur and Dutch.

"Nothin'..." John sighed with a frown, despite not wanting to think about it, he was worried.

"... You're scared, huh?" Abigail asked, reaching forward and resting her hand on the back of his.

John's heart fluttered and for a moment he forgot that the man who raised him and the man who fucked him was nowhere to be found. Even though deep down part of him didn't want to find Arthur, he had no clue what he would do if he didn't find that grumpy oaf.

"... Yeah." John admitted softly, gently intertwining his fingers with hers.

Despite the fact that with Arthur being gone, John was able to get much closer to Abigail... He regretted being such an asshole to Arthur before.

"Arthur's a strong man... I may not know Dutch real well but if he taught ya'll how to be... Well, you? I think they're just fine." She said with a small encouraging smile, John glanced up, unable to stop the corners of his mouth from turning upwards slightly.

"... I wanna believe that, but they ain't immortal... Neither am I, Arthur taught me that." John mentioned, reminiscing briefly.

_Don't forget we're family John... We'd die for you but that doesn't mean you're immortal. We can't protect you from everything. You ain't a kid anymore, you're right... Now you're a man, men get shot, killed... Hanged, are you ready for those consequences?_

"You and Arthur close?" Abigail asked, John visibly flinched, taking his hand away from hers.

"... We was." He muttered distantly.

"I-I'm sorry... Too personal?" She asked.

John blinked and looked to her, her eyes radiated concern and anxiety... He knew he had a problem with pushing people away, and he knew if he pushed Abigail away he would really fuck his chances up with her. He cleared his throat, shaking his head and scooting a bit closer to her, retaking her hand to which she seemed relieved.

"Kinda... It was a long time ago... Complicated." He mentioned with a small smile as he rolled his eyes at his own drama.

"That's alright, I won't make you talk about it, but if you want I'm all ears." She giggled, squeezing his hand.

"I'll keep that in mind," He mused fondly, meeting her gaze and watching her blush and look away shyly. "... You wanna practice readin'?" He asked, feeling his heart swell as her eyes lit up and she nodded enthusiastically.

* * *

It soon became apparent that without an escort too and from the tunnel entrance Dutch was royally screwed, and it didn't take long for him to figure out that their horses were gone... His heart ached as he blocked out the thought of The Count being in someone else's hands or worse, put down due to his temperament. Thankfully most of his focus was on Arthur's recovery which was slower than expected... He had no clue where they were, unfortunately, neither Amelia nor Jacob knew the name of the mine they were residing in and without their horses, Dutch couldn't go looking for landmarks or get Arthur out of here...

They were stuck and Arthur hadn't opened his eyes since the attack... For the first two days, Dutch was completely unconscious as his own body recovered from his head injury and from the fall. He was still a bit stiff and sore but his vision was no longer impaired and he was no longer dizzy. He sat by Arthur's side patiently, reading a book as did whatever he could to keep himself from going nuts. Amelia was kind enough to share their food with Dutch and Arthur, but Dutch wanted to get home... His free hand grasped Arthur's limp one, monitoring for any change.

When Arthur's hand twitched lightly, Dutch blinked and lowered his book and looking to Arthur's face. His skin color had returned to a normal color and his wound had begun closing despite the bullet still being lodged in Arthur's chest... Dutch knew in the long run that could be an issue but he was just happy to see no infection. Seeing Arthur's eyes flutter lightly, Dutch gasped and put his book to the side.

"Arthur? Can you hear me?" He asked, Arthur groaned.

"... Dutch?" He rasped, Dutch sighed in relief.

"It's me, son." He affirmed, so happy to feel Arthur's hand grip his own albeit loosely.

"Wh-... Where? How?" He asked, coughing softly and cringing, the pain caused Arthur's body to slightly spasm into tremors.

"Calm down, breathe." Dutch encouraged quietly, quickly standing up and moving closer to Arthur, his hands coming up to gently rest on Arthur's cheeks to help Arthur focus his attention. "Deep breath, brother." He instructed.

Arthur's chest was trembling as he panicked, he could still feel the bullet in his lung, but as Dutch regained his focus, his pain-filled blue globes met Dutch's calm carob hues. He managed to calm his breathing and his heart rate, saving himself more coughing and more pain.

"Attaboy..." Dutch praised with a smile.

As Arthur's sight resumed, he could see that Dutch's clothes were stained with dirt and blood, and when he looked around, confusion filled his exhausted eyes.

"... W-Where are we?" He asked softly.

"Honestly? I dunno... It's kind of a long story... I'm more concerned about what happened to you." Dutch muttered as he briefly left Arthur to get him something to drink.

He returned to Arthur's side with a bucket of clean water and a ladle, carefully quenching Arthur's thirst. Having water made Arthur feel much better, his chest still ached but his throat didn't feel like a desert.

"... I saw a gun in that shack, I shoved you and... That was it, I was on my back, I couldn't move... I passed out, I dunno how I got down here." Arthur explained weakly, Dutch's throat suddenly clenched, Arthur took a fucking bullet in the chest for him.

"... You coulda died... Arthur why?" Dutch asked, a weak smile graced Arthur's lips.

"... Cause even if you think we'd be okay... I wouldn't be if you had taken the bullet instead of me... You're worth dyin' for." He sighed weakly but confidence oozed in his words.

He was worth dying for..? Dutch would have taken a bullet for any of his brothers and they knew it, no one had ever openly told him that they would die for him and for that person to be Arthur... After he had just proved he _was_ willing to die for him, Dutch swallowed a lump in his throat. Thankfully it seemed that Arthur had fallen back asleep, he reached up and wiped his eyes.

"That was beautiful." Amelia mused from behind, causing Dutch to jump.

"Well... Arthur's always had a way with words, he just never learned how to use 'em." Dutch scoffed softly, sniffing and quickly gathered himself.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to pry... Are you alright?" Amelia then asked.

"It's alright, you're kind enough to let us stay here while he recovers, you don't have to give us privacy." Dutch stated, shaking his head.

"I take it you two are close." She commented, Dutch paused but he nodded, reaching forward and taking Arthur's hand once more.

"... Found him when he was bout thirteen, he's been with me since and supported me no matter how foolish I am." He chuckled fondly with a sad smile at the state of the man on the cot.

"Wow... That's amazing." Amelia marveled, the light bulb went off in Dutch's head that now was as proper of a time as any.

"Amelia... Despite all that's happened... I believe you were brought into our lives for a reason." He mused, catching her attention.

"How so?" She inquired.

"... Look, you may feel bad about wounding my friend here but in all honesty... We ain't angels." He explained vaguely. "Such as that, we are... Thinking about attempting taking some money back from the corrupt police force of Virginia City... In the central bank downtown, my friend here has already been there to check it out and discovered the four number lock... That I suppose am correct to assume that your father made." He remarked, watching Amelia's expressions carefully, she seemed thoughtful but hesitant.

"Well, I-I know I kinda owe you after what happened with your friend here... But that's a _big _favor... That is a favor to you, right?" She inquired, Dutch arched a brow.

"... Perhaps."

"... I'm willing to help you, but in order for me to be _able _to help you, I'm going to need to make sure Jacob is safe... Not only during the operation but afterward... I want you to take down the Ravens." She asserted, Dutch frowned slightly.

"This doesn't sound like an easy job." He murmured.

"They got the drop on you, they aren't as tough as they look, probably only about twenty of 'em hiding around Big Horn Ridge, bout ten miles outside of town, North." She explained. "You do that, I can promise my help with that lock." She assured.

Dutch thought about the offer, in truth he didn't have much of a choice and true, he did want to inflict violence on the people who did this to Arthur, but seeing the bullet hole in Arthur's chest it made him wary about challenging these people.

"... I think I can come to terms with that if my people can hide out in here while we hit the bank, when we hit it, we're gonna need to lay low and this is gonna be the best place to do it. I'll give you twenty percent of the cut to help you get back on your feet." Dutch counter-offered.

"... Deal, Mister..?" Amelia questioned, holding out a hand.

"... Van der Linde, Dutch van der Linde." Dutch introduced, reaching forward and shaking said hand.

He knew it was stupid to give his real name out to anyone, but deep down he knew Amelia and Jacob were trustworthy and were proving to be their most worthy ally here. Now all he had to do was make sure Arthur made it out of these caves alive... He didn't know what he would do if he didn't.

* * *

The next morning, John was up at first light ready to ride into town to look for Arthur and Dutch, he would ring their necks if he found them drunk. When he slipped out of his tent, he was surprised to see Abigail already up and by the fire, she was wearing a rather nicely fitting pink blouse with a black skirt. When her head turned and she saw him, there was an immediate smile, she stood up and waved him over. John immediately bee-lined towards her, he hoped he didn't resemble a dog too much...

"Look at you!" John chuckled.

"I could say the same, you clean up nice, Mister Marston." Abigail mused with a small, almost flirtatious smile but she quickly pulled him over to where she was sitting.

Abigail was certainly demanding, but in a good way, she was feisty and John liked it. She knew what she wanted and she wasn't afraid to take it, every time John caught himself looking at her, he felt himself swooning more and more. Unfortunately, though, he did have very pressing matters to attend too, by about eight o'clock he had to force himself to walk away and get started on his search.

Abigail was willingly helping Susan with the dishes after everyone was done with breakfast as John readied Gypsy to go. Abigail peeked around where she could see John readying to mount up.

"John!" She called, quickly jogging over to him, John turned. "... Be careful okay..?" She asked.

"No promises, Miss Roberts." John chuckled, Abigail huffed and shook her head.

"Promise! I'll make it worth your while." She giggled, which piqued John's interest.

"Really..? How?" He asked with a small smirk, it only grew when he saw Abigail's cheeks light up.

"... Well, here's a hint." She simpered, leaning in and pecking his cheek sweetly before sending a wink his way and walking back to continue her chores.

John felt as if he was completely infatuated with her... Arthur and Dutch owed him big time.

When he arrived in town he began thinking about his conversations with Dutch, trying to figure out if he ever alluded in any plans or any locations and when John came up short he sighed. There had to be something right? Guiding his horse to the first original bar where he and Dutch escaped to, he looked for any familiar faces, he noticed a rather obvious posse in the back corner where they were drinking heavily and looked like trouble waiting to happen. John considered walking right out, but something in his body told him to walk forward and he approached the bar, tossing a quarter to the bartender.

"Whiskey." He ordered.

It didn't take long to receive his drink and as he took the shot down, he tried to listen in on the boisterous conversation being had, he could hear some words here and there but he nodded to the bartender and slowly slid down the bar towards the table as discreetly as he could. As he neared the end he could finally start making out sentences and what he heard chilled him to the core.

"You sure about leaving those two guys behind at the ol' Watson place?" He heard one man say a tad more discreetly under the ruckus of his friends.

"Oh please, one of 'em is in a ten-foot hole and the other was dead when we left... You saw for yourself, Amelia won't turn her back on us." Another replied just as quietly.

"But that one guy looked important, flashy clothes, they both had great horses, you sure no one will come lookin' for them?"

"I'm more concerned about someone comin' for the horses... That one, the white one... Really ornery sonuvabitch, ain't he albino?"

_ **ALBINO.** _

Sweat broke out on John's forehead.

No... No way... Arthur and Dutch weren't dead... Right? One of them was in a hole?

"Think so, the other one is also kind of vicious too, bit right through Ralph's fingers... He's beautiful though ain't he?"

"He's the only silver dapple pinto I ever saw."

John's heart stopped, these men had The Count _and _The Admiral!? Where was Dutch and Arthur? He was beginning to panic, all this time he thought they were off getting drunk and he tried _not _thinking about them suddenly disappearing... And these men were just talking about killing them. He was a fucking asshole.

It took everything in John to stop him from shooting those bastards in the back of their heads, how in the hell did Arthur and Dutch end up getting tangled up with these fellows? One thing was for sure, he had to find out where they were holding out, he needed to make sure the horses were his missing crews' true horses before he started planning for anything.

_Old Watson place?_

John made sure to store that location marker for the future, he was certainly going to ask around for that.

Normally John didn't mind loitering in a bar all day drinking himself stupid but he was getting more anxious by the minute as the sun went down, another day that neither Arthur nor Dutch was found. It wasn't until around eight o'clock that evening that the men finally started staggering out the door, John wasn't far behind after paying his tab.

Whoever these people were, they weren't very smart, they were loud, obnoxious, and damn near tried to pick a fight with anyone who was unfortunate enough to come across them when they were riding. John followed them for about half an hour into the mountains of the Nevadan region, he figured they were somewhere around Big Horn Ridge. When he saw a light from afar, John quickly stopped Gypsy and dropped to the ground, beginning to creep towards the camp.

It was a pretty impressive settlement, about eight tents, some cattle and quite a few horses on the other side. John considered sneaking into the camp to find out more but right now his only concern was the horses. It took a while sneaking around the whole camp, but when he could hear distressed whinnying and aggressive huffing within earshot he only got more and more restless.

When he got closer he could see clearer, he could see some men struggling to withhold some reins, peeking around the corner of the rock he could see the white stallion and there was no question that it was The Count.

_ **WARNING: Animal Abuse** _

"You dumb beast!" One of the handlers yelled, reaching behind him and pulling out a whip.

John gasped quietly as he watched the man take a step away from the horse, there was an evil look in his eye. Without hesitation and without remorse he cracked the whip in The Count's face, a bright red clean-cut forming instantly across the bridge of the horse's nose. John instantly looked away, a hand coming up to cover his mouth in horror as he heard The Count release a sound that John never wished to hear from any animal again.

One thing was for certain, he couldn't leave the horses here. Thankfully the torment ended there, they led The Count towards a holding pen where he could see The Admiral pacing back and forth, obviously beside himself. What the fuck happened?

_ **End Animal Abuse** _

John snuck forward, following the sick bastards who had stolen his brother's horses. He waited patiently for them to eventually walk away back toward the party that sounded rather fun. John could hear music and cheering, checking the time he had all night to figure out a way to sneak the horses out of here. Looking around, he noted that these holding pens were on the outskirts of the camp, if he was quiet and if he could calm the horses he could possibly sneak them out without much of an issue. The problem was that they were obviously extremely stressed and in no mood to be messed with, John wasn't sure if they would allow him to ride.

There was only one way to find out, he hoped that his scent would help them recognize him. He winced every time one of them cried out into the night, thankfully no extra attention was drawn and as John slipped into the pen, both horses seemed to turn their heads to him. The Count's snow-white face smeared with blood, the sight broke John's heart.

"Hey there, guys." He whispered.

The Count huffed and stomped his hooves in agitation, John didn't blame him with the pain he assumed the horse to be going through, he just hoped that The Count didn't charge him.

"It's alright... It's me, I ain't gonna hurt ya... Jesus, buddy." John sighed as he slowly approached the injured horse, getting a better look at the gash, those assholes would pay.

He hushed The Count quietly, continuing to approach him at a snail's pace, his heart was pounding knowing that at any moment someone could walk by and see him, but eventually, John was within arms reach. His arm went out, the horse's head reared back at first, causing John to freeze momentarily, but slowly The Count leaned towards John's hand and warily sniffed him.

"Good boy... It's me." He cooed, and John finally wrapped his hands around The Count's reigns, stepping forward and patting him affectionately. "I'm so sorry." He whispered somberly, he wished he could have stopped the horse being hurt.

For now, he had to focus on getting The Admiral now, and while he wasn't nearly as aggressive as The Count, he still commanded much respect and needed a firm hand to listen properly, which was why he was perfect for Arthur. Every time John thought of Arthur his heart clenched with guilt, this whole time... He thought everything was fine.

Shaking his head, John began to approach The Admiral who reared his head up in defiance, due to his stress he wasn't exactly welcoming either.

"Come on, we don't have time for this." John grumbled as he swiped his hand for the horse's reins, watching the horse evade him effortlessly pissing him off. "Don't do this, not now, you asshole." He growled and reached out again, attempting to grab The Admiral's reins, nearly escaping losing fingers himself when the horse lunged to bite his hand.

John countered quickly, an open palm coming up to smack the horse's muzzle, glaring the large animal down.

"You better rethink that right now." He hissed.

The horse seemed to be a bit intimidated of John, and while he felt bad for having to assert his authority like that, they didn't have time to play around. He didn't evade John again when he reached out for the reins. Looking around, John was relieved that they seemed to be partying because this was taking much longer than he was planning. He led the two horses to the gate, carefully swinging it open and immediately walking out towards the wilderness, he didn't care where they were going as long as it was away from here.

The horses seemed more comfortable once they realized that it truly was John leading them, and were quiet through the escape to John's pleasure, but he knew eventually the thieves would realize they were gone. Once he felt they were without eyeshot, he detached part of The Count's reins to make a tether while he mounted The Admiral. He didn't want to be on the stressed animals back for too long but they had to find Gypsy first.

John rode for a few minutes back towards the direction Gypsy was originally, and within one whistle, he could hear her running toward him. He listened further for any indication if he was heard or seen, he relaxed when nothing came of it and he climbed off of The Admiral. He took a moment and pet both horses, giving extra attention to The Count, that would be a nasty scar and if Dutch was still alive he would be devastated to see his horse suffering so much.

"... Okay guys, just gotta cooperate with me a little longer." He mumbled, reaching into his saddlebag, pulling out a lasso and having just enough rope to chain the two horses together before mounting Gypsy.

He rode a little slower for the horses' sakes, they had been through a lot tonight. Due to the slower pace he didn't get back into camp until around midnight, he wasn't surprised to see most of everyone still waiting up for him.

"John! Did you find Arthur and-"

"I need someone to clean The Count up!" John interrupted, everyone, gasped at the sight of the wounded animal.

"Oh my god, what happened?" Abigail asked as she quickly approached with a wet rag.

"Careful." John warned as she neared The Count. "I-I... I dunno." He admitted, his tone concerning Abigail, but right now she gently pressed the cool cloth to the horse's nose, he flinched slightly bit thankfully didn't react violently.

"John, what the hell is goin' on?" Hosea asked. "Where is Dutch and Arthur?"

"I dunno Hosea... I-I was at this bar and I heard these boys talkin' bout horses that sounded like them," he motioned to the missing horses. "... They said one of the riders was dead Hosea..." He muttered.

Hosea's expression hardened before he looked towards the forest, lost in thought momentarily.

"Anything else?" He asked.

"They mentioned meeting up with Arthur and Dutch near somewhere they called the old Watson place. I was too focused on following them I didn't get any information on it yet." John explained turning away. "... How was I so blind to see something was wrong?" He then asked, Hosea turned to see John's back.

"It was impossible for you to know." Hosea tried to console.

"Impossible? They were gone for _days_, Hosea. Why the hell didn't I-..." he trailed off, reaching up he pinched the bridge of his nose.

"... I think you need some rest, you've been gone all day, tomorrow, you, me and Bill will go lookin' for that location. It's not your fault, John." Hosea empathized.

"I'm sure The Count agrees." John snarled before he stormed away.

Abigail watched John with a frown before looking to Hosea. She wanted to go after John and comfort him, but she knew that right now he probably needed to be alone... She was scared, she really liked Arthur... She liked John too, she liked them both. Her heart clenched at the thought of Arthur being dead, she truly hoped both he and Dutch were alive but things were beginning to look bleak.

* * *

Dutch wasn't sure what time it was, it was late he knew that much. He was leaned back asleep in his chair. The first time, he was waking Arthur up and now it was the other way around. Hearing someone speaking, Dutch's eyes fluttered momentarily before he looked around, rubbing his eyes in confusion.

"... John." Arthur groaned.

Dutch's head turned to look ar Arthur, he seemed to be having a nightmare.

"John, Don't... Leave." He rasped.

This was a bit interesting to Dutch, he knew Arthur and John were close in the past but the recent years were nothing but fighting with them. Hearing Arthur call John in his sleep was almost unprecedented, he wondered what Arthur was dreaming of to be saying John's name, asking him not to leave nonetheless. Perhaps he would have to listen to Arthur sleep more often... That was probably creepy.

"Love... You, too..." Arthur wheezed.

_Love?_

Now, _this_ was interesting, but Dutch knew at this point listening further was probably an invasion of privacy. Perhaps it was nothing, it could be just a fever dream brought on by pain and misery. Reaching down, Dutch felt Arthur's cheeks and forehead, grateful that there was no change in temperature. Finally, Dutch reached down and gently shook Arthur's shoulder adjacent to his gunshot carefully not to cause him pain.

When Arthur's eyes finally opened they seemed confused, and remembering where they were, he was put at ease when he saw Dutch at his side. It was disconcerting waking up in a dim cave.

"You alright?" Dutch asked.

"If you mean shot, then yes." Arthur sighed.

"You were talkin' in your sleep, I mean... Everything alright?" He asked.

"... Probably just nonsense." Arthur deflected with a tired sigh, but Dutch dropped it, nodding in agreement. "How long we been here?"

"A few days... Can't really go nowhere when you can't stand and to be honest even if we tried we'd die in those tunnels." He muttered looking towards the door.

"Tunnels?"

"We're in an old mine... Not sure where, but when I woke up in that godforsaken hole... I thought for sure I was gonna die down there, but that kid showed me a way on the side of one of the walls. Led me through at least a mile of tunnels to here... I have no clue how they got you here, I'm almost afraid to ask." Dutch snickered.

"Jesus... Whose they?"

"The girl that pulled the gun on us... She and the child." He mentioned, motioning to Arthur's right, across the large empty space, Arthur could see that there was a sleeping area where Jacob was sprawled out asleep and Amelia was peacefully snoozing next to him. "You know what else..? Her father made the lock on that safe lock in the bank." He revealed with a smirk.

"You gotta be shittin' me." Arthur said with shock.

"No... She said she'd help us if we deal with the scum that did this... And I fully intend to do that if we ever get outta here." Dutch sighed.

"You think the group is worried?" Arthur asked.

"Susan's probably already torn half of the town apart lookin' for us." Dutch snickered, looking back to Arthur.

He scooted towards Arthur and reached forward, carefully taking the bandage off of Arthur's wound and checking it carefully.

"Such an honor for you to be fussin' over me." Arthur teased, but when Dutch didn't laugh, he tilted his head.

"... Promise you'll never do this again." He suddenly mumbled.

"Pardon?" Arthur asked.

"Promise you'll never take a bullet for me again." Dutch clarified.

"No." Arthur defied confidently.

"Arthur-"

"You wanting me not to ain't gonna stop me, Dutch. I'd do it again." Arthur argued.

"Arthur I thought you were a damn corpse rotting up at the top of that fucking hole!" Dutch barked, Arthur didn't even flinch. "... I-I don't know what I thought... All I could remember was you shovin' me... And hearing that gun. When I saw what happened to you I-..." Dutch gulped, reaching up and running a hand through his hair as he recalled seeing the hole in Arthur's chest the first time. "...Y-You ain't allowed to die." He chuckled almost tearfully.

Arthur blinked as he watched Dutch discreetly try to wipe the tears that were forming at his eyes. It truly baffled Arthur when people cried over him, it did with John and it did now with Dutch. He didn't understand how he could mean so much to someone, but he reached down, slowly pushing himself up with his arms, trying to put the least amount of pressure on his midsection as Arthur sat up. When Dutch saw Arthur again he was at the same level as him and he gawked at him at first.

"... C'mere you old fool." Arthur sighed, one arm opening up while the other remained beneath him to support him so his torso didn't have to so much.

Dutch stared for a moment but he leaned into Arthur's embrace, he was gentle, barely touching Arthur at first so that he didn't hurt him but when Arthur's arm wrapped around him and pulled him close, holding him tightly. Dutch almost melted, he buried his face into Arthur's neck, the others familiar, almost sweet smell comforting Dutch immediately and almost putting him right at ease.

Arthur leaned his forehead against Dutch's shoulder, his hand that he had wrapped securely around Dutch coming up and diving into his rich ebony locks. Dutch's hair was so thick and so luxurious, Arthur could run his fingers through it all day. When he felt liquid come into contact with his neck, he frowned and hugged Dutch tighter. He knew that it was, in a way, selfish to be so careless with his life, he was the closest person in Dutch's life after Annabelle...

Thinking of her almost made Arthur shudder, Dutch had lost so many people in his life, he didn't want to be added to that list any time soon but if he were to sacrifice himself for Dutch it would be worth it.

"I'm not easy to kill." Arthur mused, trying to lighten the mood a bit, he felt Dutch chuckle quietly against him before he pulled away some.

A few tears stained his face but Dutch managed to reel himself in for the most part, reaching up he cleaned his face with relative ease.

"Thank god for that..." He sighed.

Arthur realized then that even though Dutch was no longer within his grasp, they were still face-to-face and rather close. He was able to see into Dutch's eyes clearly and he was intimidated with what he saw but in an intimate way. Dutch's eyes were always so intense and overpowered his without much of a fight... Dutch could have him on his knees if he truly wished, the only other creature that Arthur had seen with similar eyes was a wolf, which said something in his opinion. The way they looked at Arthur as if on the prowl for his next meal...

Arthur's eyes captivated Dutch in ways that no other person except for Annabelle had, he knew this had to be coincidental with the fact that Arthur was his one of his oldest friends. Yet... He didn't want to fight the gravitational pull that Arthur seemed to have unintentionally. The way he handled pressure effortlessly and with a calm demeanor, his quick thinking... The way he demanded respect of everyone he met with except for Dutch.

Dutch did feel like a wolf at times, wanting to devour Arthur and keep him all to himself... He had no clue where the urges toward Arthur were coming from, he had tried rationalizing it from dominance to being lonely and yet nothing seemed to fit the reason completely. All he knew was when he was alone with Arthur... All his senses of reality and reason disappeared...

Eventually, Dutch realized how close he was to Arthur and he released a breath he didn't realize he was holding. He reached up and ran a hand through Arthur's hair, despite ow having an erection he was still so happy that Arthur was alive.

"... You should probably lay back down partner." Dutch finally broke the silence.

Right... Arthur had to remind himself that the relationship he had with Dutch wouldn't go anywhere no matter if he pursued anything or not which would be extremely stupid. Dutch was an accepting man, more accepting than most, but if Arthur were to make a pass at him... The risk far outweighed the payoff.

"If I can..." Arthur puffed out a pathetic excuse for a chuckle.

"Lemme help you." Dutch quickly stood up, hoping his shaft wasn't too... Prominent in his trousers.

Reaching down he carefully wrapped his arms around Arthur and lowered him down slowly, Arthur grunted out a few pained noises but got back down mostly pain free. They were able to gracefully ignore the fact that they were nose-to-nose during the interaction, and for the first time Arthur was glad that he had a near-death experience, it was an excuse to go to sleep and try and forget what had just happened.

> So if I stand in front of a speeding car  
Would you tell me who you are, what you like?  
What's on your mind, if I'd get it right?  
How I love that no one knows  
And these secrets all that we've got so far  
The demons in the dark, lie again  
Play pretends like it never ends  
This way no one has to know
> 
> Even the half smile would have slowed down the time  
If I could call you half mine  
Maybe this is the safest way to go  
We're singing  
Heya heya heya heya  
Heya, heya heya  
This is the safest way to go nobody gets hurt  
We're singing  
Heya heya heya heya  
Heya, heya heya  
You go back to him and then I'll go back to her
> 
> So if I stand in front of a speeding car  
Would you give your little heart?  
Say the word?  
Due to just me and you  
This way everyone will know  
'Cause these secrets all that we've got so far  
The demons in the dark, lie again  
Play pretends like it never ends  
This way no one has to know
> 
> Even the half smile would have slowed down the time  
If I could call you half mine  
Maybe this is the safest way to go  
We're singing  
Heya heya heya heya  
Heya, heya heya  
This is the safest way to go nobody gets hurt  
We're singing  
Heya heya heya heya  
Heya, heya heya  
You go back to him and then I'll go back to her
> 
> So if I stand in front of a speeding car  
Would you tell me who you are, what you like?  
What's on your mind, if I'd get it right?  
How I love that no one knows
> 
> These secrets all that we've got so far  
The demons in the dark, lie again  
Play pretends like it never ends  
How I love that no one knows
> 
> Advertise my secret  
I don't really need it  
I know you can feel this  
So advertise my secret  
I don't really need it  
I know you can feel this  
So advertise my  
Advertise my secret
> 
> We're singing  
Heya heya heya heya  
Heya, heya heya  
This is the safest way to go nobody gets hurt  
We're singing  
Heya heya heya heya  
Heya, heya heya  
You go back to him and then I'll go back to her
> 
> If I stand in front of a speeding car  
Don't know who you are  
Don't know who you are  
Heya heya heya heya  
Heya, heya heya  
You go back to him and then I'll go back to her
> 
> source: [Speeding Cars by Walking on Cars](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D-0CNSCIg60)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ugh I know I'm asshole for doing that to The Count but I promise all of this is worth it in the future! Things are really starting to heat up between Arthur and Dutch huh? ;D Thank you all for your kind words, I love comments!  
-Eros


	8. Chapter 8

Bill, Hosea, and John rolled into town the next morning just as discussed, with still no sign of Dutch or Arthur things were beginning to get tenser around camp. John couldn't imagine the gang surviving losing both Arthur and Dutch at the same time. It was a harsh reality upon the horizon that John was doing his best to block out.

"John!" Hosea quipped.

"Sorry, Hosea, what?" John asked, sufficiently startled.

"Your head is in the clouds, Marston." Bill huffed.

"Shut up." John growled.

"Don't start, either of you." Hosea scoffed as they road into city limits. "Where did you hear those fools talkin' about the horses?"

"The Hawkeye Saloon." John replied.

"We should start there then. Where did you say they saw Dutch and Arthur?"

"Erm... They said the old Watson place." John recalled.

"Alright... Try not to sound too nosey gentlemen, if Arthur and Dutch are hurt we don't wanna lead any trouble towards them. Bill, if you wanna split off and check around the area, ask around for that place." Hosea instructed.

"Alright, good luck gentlemen, I'll meet you in the bar if I find out anythin'." Bill mused.

"Try not to go too far." John reminded as Bill rode ahead.

"... How're you doin' John?" Hosea asked.

"... Fine." John deflected.

"You know it wasn't your-"

"Hosea I know what you're tryin' to do but... Until we find Dutch and Arthur it ain't gonna help." John dismissed as politely as he could.

"I understand... Come on then." Hosea muttered as they saloon came into view.

John didn't return to camp the night before until late and sufficiently drunk, but he made no complaint waking up early to help with the search for their missing leaders. Despite this, it worried Hosea to a degree but with John coherent and not willing to speak of it, he knew the only option was to drop it for now as they split up inside. When they walked in, there was no one familiar except the bartender who saw hundreds of people a day.

John walked up to the bar, leaning on it and tossing a coin onto the bar as he had the day before, the man glanced up and grabbed the coin.

"You was here yesterday weren't you?" He asked casually as he grabbed a glass and poured some whiskey into it, sliding it to John.

"I was... I'm actually lookin' for a few fellers." John commented, taking a swig of his drink.

"Can't say I'd be much help there, I hear more names a day than I can count." He joked, shrugging.

"I figured that much, but maybe you heard of the place they were last seen? Any information would be helpful." John explained softly to avoid drawing attention.

"I can sure try."

"I think it was called the ol' Watson place?" John inquired, the bartender did a complete shift in demeanor, he almost looked like he had seen a ghost.

"... Look I don't want no trouble." He mumbled, taking a step away from John who furrowed his brows in confusion.

"Neither am I, friend, honestly, I'm just lookin' for my associates." John said carefully putting his hands up, the man seemed to calm a bit but looked around suspiciously.

"Look... I wanna help you, but you shouldn't go around askin' about that place... New gang moved into the area and-" he paused, glancing up, he frowned. "... Why do you go ask for yourself? There's one of 'em now... I wouldn't wait around, his friends won't be far behind." He whispered.

John turned his head, looking to the man as he walked to the same table that John spied on him before. He definitely recognized the man from the day previous, which only made his blood boil, he knew where Arthur was... Glancing back to the bartender, John nodded before he pushed himself off the bar and approached Hosea who had taken up a table across the bar to observe. Hosea looked up as John approached and sat down silently, still holding his drink and bringing it to his lips before discreetly nodding to the familiar man.

"... He's one of those fucks." John grumbled.

"We need to keep our heads here, John." Hosea warned softly as he looked the man over. "... Pretty scrawny, you could probably take him if you wanna get your hands dirty..." He mused, watching John's eyes ignite slightly.

"I'd love to." He affirmed, sitting his drink onto the table in anticipation.

"... Follow my lead, and don't lose your cool." Hosea whispered before he stood and began slowly meandering towards the man, John on his heels.

The man didn't see them coming until Hosea and John were sitting across from him, his expression slightly soured.

"Sorry gentlemen those seats are reserved." He scoffed.

"We'll only take a minute of your time, I assure you." Hosea mused casually enough, John stayed silent.

"I ain't askin' you to move, old man, I'm tellin' you." The stranger growled.

"As you see I ain't exactly moving." Hosea mused, disregarding the threat, John sat up some, glaring the other man down some, seeming to quell his attitude for the moment. "... As I said, we're only gonna take a minute... But this place isn't anywhere to have a private conversation... Want to take a walk with us, mister?" Hosea asked.

"The hell are you drinkin'? I ain't goin' nowhere with-"

John slowly put his knife on the table, his gaze hardening further.

"... Afraid this ain't a request." Hosea mused, nodding towards the side door that wasn't far from the table that led down the alley.

The man looked from Hosea to John, almost as if gauging to see if they were serious, but as John stood, knife in his hand, the man quickly stood as well with Hosea in tow. Hosea reached forward, his palm landing on the strangers shoulder and quickly leading him out the door. Eyes darting around, John saw a barrel full of water about three feet away once they were in the alley, he lunged forward, grabbing the back of the stranger's neck and forcing him towards the barrel. The man reached out and managed to catch himself before his head was submerged, fighting John.

"You see a couple of men a few days back?" John snarled as he continued shoving the man's head down.

"The fuck are you two crazy bastards talkin' about!? You're makin' a huge mistake!" He gasped.

"I think our friend needs some convincing, John." Hosea sighed, without hesitation, John shoved the man down with brute force, plunging his head underwater for a few seconds before pulling him up, watching the man sputter and cough. "We don't have time to repeat questions."

"I ain't tellin' you fools shit!"

John didn't wait in dunking the man again and again.

"You saw a few men a few days ago on those horses you stole!" John barked, dunking again and pulling the man up. "You remember yet? One real fancy-dressed? The other a rugged lookin' cowboy? I know you saw 'em! You're either gonna tell me or you're gonna die, friend." John threatened.

"Alright! Alright!" The man blurted, coughing some more and regaining his breath. "L-Look! W-We wasn't trying to kill anyone! We didn't know they was important!" The man stammered, John looked up to Hosea, horror clouding his eyes for a moment before they refilled with rage dunking the man again.

"What're you goin' on about!?" John asked.

"We was just tryin' to rob 'em! Honest! W-We set 'em up with savin' a little boy in the hole at the Watson place! When they got out, your friend, th-the rugged guy shoved the other guy back into the hole right before we shot... Bullet hit him in the chest." He explained, John's heart stopped.

Arthur was shot in the chest... Dutch was down a fucking hole!? They had been gone for _days _if Dutch was alive before he probably wasn't anymore. John's breathing began speeding up at that thought, his grip on the man beginning to shake with rage.

"Where!?" He demanded.

"I-It's twenty minutes northwest! You take the west road outta town and you go right at the fork, you keep going and you come across a clearin' you go across and it's on the other side, no roads lead to it!" The stranger babbled quickly.

They had the location of where Arthur's and Dutch's bodies were it seemed... His eyes turned up to Hosea's they were filled with a mixture of anger and guilt... Hosea turned away and began walking out back towards the horses.

"Meet me around the front when you're done." He mentioned.

John was glad Hosea didn't attempt to stop what he was about to do, before the stranger could get any ideas, John shoved his head beneath the water... And this time he waited until the struggling stopped... And even a minute or so after just to make sure this piece of shit was dead. John eventually rolled his neck before he emerged out from the alley and quickly caught up with Hosea who seemed to already meet up with Bill.

"Come on, let's no waste any more time." Hosea muttered.

There were no words shared, John felt like his soul was quivering, he was _so _fucking scared. This was all his fault... All his _fucking fault_.

"John, stay with us, son." Hosea called over, he hated how that old man could read him so well... Just like Arthur... But no one read him like Arthur.

Fuck... Arthur couldn't be dead... There was so much John wanted to say, he knew that possibly there was a slim chance that Dutch and Arthur were fine... But with Arthur's and Dutch's horses at camp after being stolen, and the thief mentioning shooting Arthur. A hard lump hit his throat and John didn't dare speak for the remainder of the trip. John prayed that maggot didn't give them bogus information, but he followed the directions and he was relieved to see a small shack in the distance.

"Look! A hole!" Bill pointed out, John and Hosea turned to their left and rode towards the scene.

The sight that greeted them chilled everyone to the bone, there was blood spattered all over the ground. It was old but it was clearly blood, thankfully it hadn't rained yet, they were lucky the elements didn't wash away the evidence of their friends' obvious demise... John was mostly okay until he saw a scrap of something on the floor, walking forward and kneeling, picking it up his heart was suddenly in his throat. This was the shredded up shirt that Arthur had the day he disappeared...

John released an almost labored breath as he did his best to keep the sob in that almost racked his body... They were here... They were right here. John feared the worst, that Arthur died here and his body was carried off by some wild animal. Hesitantly Hosea trudged over to the hole, looking inside but furrowing his brows.

"Dutch ain't down there." He commented, bringing John out of his despair for the moment. "Didn't that guy say Arthur shoved Dutch down there?"

"... I see somethin' shiny down there." Bill mumbled.

John managed to drop the piece of fabric onto the floor in the dried-up pool of Arthur's blood and peek down the hold too. Narrowing his eyes, he saw the shiny object that Bill had mentioned, but the hole was deep, Bill was heavy and there was no way Hosea was going to be able to get out of there, John looked to Bill.

"You think you can pull me outta there if I go down there?" He asked.

"Should be able to..." Bill agreed.

John nodded and got to his butt, scooting to the edge of the hole before dropping down. Once inside and able to take a better look, he could see a much smaller spot of dried up blood, it was still slightly in a pasty form from being in a cooler area underground. Reaching forward, John smeared it with his thumb, confirming that it was indeed blood.

"Got some blood down here too." He announced before he turned to the shiny thing that brought him down there, to begin with, dusting it off some and holding it up to his view he raised his brows, there was no mistake what this was. "It's Dutch's lighter!"

"So he _was _down there... Injured." Hosea murmured. "I just don't understand how he coulda got out of a hole that deep while injured... And never found his way back to camp." Hosea sighed, reaching up and rubbing his forehead before he looked to the shack about fifty yards away. "I'm gonna go look at that house, get him outta there." He instructed to Bill before moseying towards the structure.

John struggled with Bills help getting out of the hole but as they looked over and noted Hosea wasn't anywhere to be found, John asked Bill to make sure they didn't get any surprise visitors before he walked towards the house. The door was left open and when he walked inside, he could see Hosea in the middle of the one-room home. There were three beds in total, one double and bunk beds. It looked abandoned, no belongings worth taking.

"Door was open, doesn't seem like whoever lived here is coming back any time soon so we can question them... Figured I could check around for anything else... I'm lost, John." Hosea muttered, for the first time sounding hopeless.

In all honesty, John was lost in thought trying to figure out how to break the news to everyone that neither Arthur nor Dutch was coming back until the very familiar sound of a shotgun cocking caught their attention, they both spun around quickly to see a boy probably the age of twelve holding a pump-action at them. He seemed scared, John was just shocked he was able to sneak up on them, but what really caught John's eye was that this child was wearing that exact same plaid scarf Dutch was wearing when he disappeared.

"Hosea..." John mumbled.

"I see it..." Hosea replied just as quietly, the boy switching targets occasionally from John to Hosea. "... It's okay son, we're not gonna hurt you... We didn't come lookin' for trouble." He announced to the child.

"... You seen our friend? He was wearing that scarf." John added calmly, the boy seemed to halt for a moment, narrowing his eyes suspiciously. "... We're real worried about them... They've been gone for four days."

The child seemed to calm down some, John was correct with how long Dutch and Arthur had been holed up with them. He looked to Hosea and back to John before he lowered his gun, reaching up to the scarf and took it off his neck and walking to Hosea, holding it out to him as if to question him about it.

"Yes, that's our friends, can you take us to him? I-Is he hurt?" Hosea asked quickly.

The boy paused and frowned, unable to tell them exactly he just motioned Hosea and John to follow him out of the house. John and Hosea glanced to one another before walking out with the kid. When Jacob saw that these men had horses he quickly pointed to them, catching Bill's attention.

"Who's the kid?" He asked.

"Who knows, thanks for letting him sneak up on us with a gun." John huffed.

"Well, I didn't hear nothin'." Bill grumbled.

"That's not saying much."

"Hush, both of you, we don't want to offend the only person who can lead us to Arthur and Dutch." Hosea snapped as he approached his horse, looking to the boy. "You were pointing to the horses, can you direct me to our friends?" Hosea asked, the child nodded enthusiastically.

"We're seriously gonna trust some kid?" Bill murmured to John.

"At this point, I'd be willing to follow a cult leader if they said they knew were Dutch and Arthur were." John sighed in response, his anxiety skyrocketing, he needed to know that Arthur and Dutch were alive.

* * *

Despite Arthur's rough start at healing, the fourth day was looking more promising than ever. He wasn't exactly up and moving around, but Arthur hadn't coughed once and his wheezing had all but stopped. He was still sleeping the day away, but Dutch preferred that as opposed exerting himself. Every time Arthur opened his eyes, Dutch felt a weight lift from his shoulders...

Seeing those slightly cloudy blue orbs open, Dutch smiled from his bedside, he hadn't left once after passing out the first day.

"Morning, partner." He mused.

"Hey... Sorry I keep passin' out." Arthur yawned.

"Don't be sorry... I'm just glad you're alive." Dutch said.

"I guess I am too... Maybe not now but I'm sure I will be once this mess is over." He groaned softly, reaching up with his hand to feel the bandage which was immediately slapped away by Dutch.

"Don't play with it." He scolded.

"Sorry, ma." Arthur teased. "At least help me up."

"You sure that's a good idea? How're you feeling?"

"Like shit, but I need to get up."

"Make sure not to overdo it, Mister Morgan." Amelia reminded from behind Dutch.

"I won't, I won't." Arthur grumbled.

"Where's the kid?" Dutch inquired curiously looking back to her momentarily.

"He usually is out collecting things he thinks he can sell or foraging for food, he's a good survivalist." Amelia explained with a proud smile.

"You sure he needs you? Sounds like it might be the other way around." Dutch teased with good humor.

"Trust me, without him I would probably have already starved." She chuckled.

Dutch then stood up and leaned down to help Arthur up, reaching around him to support his back. Feeling Dutch's open hand splayed out across his bare skin on his back made Arthur shiver in a way he didn't quite understand. Thankfully the pain in his chest distracted him from the butterflies in his stomach when Dutch's cheek briefly brushed against his own.

Arthur took a breath to prepare himself but he winced, his hands resting on Dutch's shoulders. His fingers clutched Dutch's frame, worrying his older partner as he rose up, once Arthur was sitting up, his grasp on Dutch's arms let up slowly, his breaths were labored but he did his best to breathe slowly for his own sake.

"How're you doin'?" Dutch asked quietly to him.

"... Little dizzy." Arthur mumbled.

"Wanna lay back down?" Dutch questioned with a concerned frown, for some reason, all of Arthur's common sense disappeared.

"You gonna join me?" Arthur asked almost in a subtle whisper with a small chuckle, completely taking Dutch by surprise.

Immediately Arthur realized what he had said, his cheeks turned crimson and he gulped, quickly clearing his throat and trying to cover his blunder.

"Sorry, I'm just talkin' silly... I'm alright for now but I'll probably need to lay down soon." He said, reaching up and resting a hand on his head to try and stop and room from spinning.

"Here, while you're sitting up, lemme check how the wound is healing..." Amelia offered, Arthur nodded but as he began leaning to the side some, Dutch's arm quickly came around Arthur to steady him.

Feeling Dutch's hand rest on his waist, Arthur knew it was the only tangible thing he could focus on currently but he was worried about getting an erection if he did so... But if he got an erection from Dutch simply putting an arm around him he would finish the job the bullet didn't. He needed to man up about his school-girl like attraction he was developing for Dutch... But Dutch was no longer wearing his signature vest, his white shirt was unbuttoned down to about the middle of his chest, Arthur was able to see plenty from this angle.

Arthur bit his tongue, this was getting out of hand, his feelings needed to be put to bed. There was no way in a million years that Dutch would reciprocate his feelings, he needed to reel in his emotions before it was too late and he ended up fucking himself over, coming out to Dutch would possibly get him killed...

That thought was a cold reminder of what a freak he was... That even his closest friends would turn on him if they knew...

_John knew..._

Arthur swallowed once more when he thought of John, focusing on Dutch's hand suddenly seemed easy... And without much fight, he leaned into Dutch's embrace. It was the closest thing he would get to male companionship with him. If only Dutch knew...

Dutch was having his own crisis, what did Arthur mean when he asked Dutch to join him? He quickly retracted the offer but the fact that Arthur said it, to begin with, was what caught Dutch off guard. He stayed silent as Amelia knelt down in front of Arthur, removing the bandage and examining the hole and testing for tenderness, which didn't take long for her to find. Arthur cringed as she poked around but didn't tell her to stop, Dutch frowned at the pained expression on Arthur's face, delicately leaning in towards Arthur's ear, Arthur could feel Dutch's breath ghost by his skin.

"I'll owe you big if you make it through this." He whispered to Arthur.

"You already owe me." Arthur chuckled quietly.

"But I'll owe you _big_..." Dutch replied, he almost sounded desperate, Arthur wanted to keep Dutch from blaming himself for this, he thought fast.

"... Don't make promises you can't keep, Dutch." Arthur warned, but almost in a purr to keep Dutch on his toes.

Even though Arthur was certain that Dutch would reject any advances he threw out there, there was no denying that they had chemistry. Arthur wasn't the most proficient with his feelings but Dutch was someone who was always transparent with him, he knew what messages Dutch was sending, he _knew _Dutch. It wasn't hard for him to figure out that Dutch was encouraging him and he would do whatever he could to take any load he could off of Dutch while he was conscious.

Dutch sat there for a moment, blinking and trying to think of a response to Arthur's sudden flirtatious demeanor, it was probably because of the pain... But what the hell? Why not roll with it? Arthur probably wouldn't remember this anyway.

"It looks good, make sure you keep it clean, Arthur... Any infection will probably kill you." She warned seriously.

"Very encouraging, doctor." Arthur snorted tiredly.

"I'm not paid to be encouraging. That's a direct hole into your lung." She snickered before leaving Arthur and Dutch.

Arthur cursed inwardly, knowing that now was the _appropriate _time for Dutch to take his hand away and help him lay back down... But when Dutch didn't immediately move his hand, Arthur looked over to him. He was looking at Arthur... That familiar glint of something familiar in his eyes scared Arthur at first, but he soon started melting into it.

They were so close to one another, probably the closest they had ever been. For the second time, Arthur was glad he was shot, averting his gaze as Dutch's dark wise pools absorbed his. Dutch was one of the few people that Arthur could never compete with, Dutch leaned over to Arthur's ear once more.

"You want me to let you go?" He offered almost as if he were testing Arthur.

Arthur wasn't sure how to answer at first, hell no, he wanted to say, he wanted to tell Dutch never to let him go again, but he knew that yes was the proper answer...

"If you do, I might fall over... I don't really want to pass out again yet but I don't know if I can stay up myself." He sighed, he was being honest, but this made Dutch choose the answer.

"Convenient."

The smirk was obvious in Dutch's tone and sweat formed at Arthur's brow when he realized Dutch found him out. Taking a shaky breath as he thought about ways to recover he could have sworn he felt Dutch's lips graze his neck, but he was sure that was his overactive imagination... Right?

"I'll remember that when you have a bullet hole in your chest." Arthur scoffed.

"Fair enough." Dutch replied, putting his free hand up in surrender.

"... But don't use that as an excuse to get yourself killed." Arthur then warned, sending a side-eye to Dutch who feigned offense.

"Why Arthur I'm wounded." He groaned, his free hand coming over his chest.

"No, I am, you're fine... And you better stay fine." Arthur puffed out a small chuckle at Dutch's theatrics, he felt Dutch's hand slowly, almost carefully lower from his waist, traveling to his hip.

"Or what?" Dutch challenged.

Dutch was sending so many mixed messages... All Arthur could think about was how much he _liked _Dutch's hand on his hip and how much he wished he could make it stay or feel it again, knowing after today he would probably never feel it again.

"... I won't forgive you for dying over somethin' stupid, remember that." Arthur said seriously, looking over to meet Dutch's eyes.

The seriousness in Arthur's gaze cut a knife in the flirtatious energy and yet it managed to build off that and somehow achieved in making Dutch speechless yet again. Even after being almost fatally wounded, the strength in Arthur's eyes rendered Dutch powerless. This time, Arthur didn't turn away...

"... Fair enough." Dutch said just above a whisper.

Suddenly nothing in the outside world mattered, it was as if they were both in a world made for them... Dutch hadn't been captivated by anyone like this in years, he wouldn't pretend to have a fancy for men... But he now had a fancy for Arthur.

Before anything especially spicy could occur, which was probably for the best, the lock clicked out of place to the door into the tunnels. Catching both men's attention, Dutch furrowed his brows and carefully stood up, making sure Arthur was steady before turning back to the door, a hand on his gun as he got in front of Arthur.

When the door swung open, Dutch's jaw dropped as Hosea, John and Bill appeared, led by Jacob, they all seemed shocked as well. Dutch blinked but he stepped aside allowing everyone to see that Arthur was alive. John could have sobbed seeing Arthur still breathing, quickly making their way towards their missing comrades.

"Christ Dutch!" Hosea nearly cheered in relief.

"How the hell did you find the place?" Dutch asked as he hugged Hosea.

"All John... He heard your robbers boastin' about taking your horses..." Hosea said nodding to John, who suddenly felt shy as everyone looked at him, but when he felt Arthur weakly grab his forearm he jumped and shifted his attention.

"... Good work, John." He praised, seeing Arthur's eyes so exhausted and full of pain, John suddenly could have started crying all over again, he was so relieved that Arthur was safe.

John tuned out the conversation between Hosea and Dutch, his eyes still holding Arthur's, who could see all the fear and the pain that John had been feeling and desperately trying to hide during this ordeal. There was so much John wanted to say that he feared that he lost the chance to say when he thought Arthur was dead but now his throat was closing up. All he could do was grab Arthur's hand that had originally grabbed his arm, squeezing it tightly and nodding to Arthur.

That was enough for Arthur, he smiled and sent a wink up at John, which he knew would cause him to blush... He was satisfied to see the pink hue rising to John's cheeks.

The plan was that Bill would be escorted out and back in with a horse, there was no way that anyone would be able to carry Arthur all the way out of the tunnels and even if two of them supported Arthur there was no way Arthur would be able to stay on his feet for that long. Knowing that Arthur probably wouldn't be able to stay upright on the horse, Dutch decided to ride behind Arthur to keep him steady.

"Why don't you two come with us? Stay safe while we plan the job?" Dutch asked Amelia as they waited for Bill to return.

"W-We couldn't ask that of you." Amelia quickly dismissed.

"You're not the one asking... Please, this place, it's good to hide but with us you'll be safe from the men that did this." Dutch countered, nodding to Arthur, Amelia hesitated, fidgeting and looking to Jacob to looked up to her. "You can decide what you want to do when we hit the bank... Until then, please, reside with us."

"... Thank you, Mister Van der Linde." She eventually murmured, reaching up and wiping her eyes from the tears, Dutch then looked to Jacob.

"Thank you, son, for leading these men here." He stated, Jacob blushed shyly and smiled in response.

Dutch got on the horse first to help Arthur up, who didn't think anything would be so painful as trying to mount a horse with a bullet in his chest. John and Bill helped hoist Arthur while Dutch took his hand and pulled him up. Thankfully, they only had to attempt twice and once he was on top of the horse, he had Dutch to lean back against. His broad chest was comfortable and despite feeling like there was glass in his left lung when Dutch's arms protectively wrap around him, it was worth both the pain _and_ the embarrassment.

> I wanna be on the front line, knotted up suit ties  
Talking like a headstrong mamma  
Got a picture in your wallet  
Making me a habit, wearing your vintage t-shirt  
Tied ribbons on your top hat  
Telling me I'm all that, just like the girls from your hometown  
Sweet blooded and up-stranded, see  
If I can stand it, shrinking in the shallow water
> 
> Magnetic everything about you  
You really got me, now
> 
> You took to me so well  
Hypnotic taking over me  
Make me feel like someone else  
You got me talking in my sleep  
I don't wanna come back down  
I don't wanna touch the ground  
Pacific Ocean, dug so deep  
Hypnotic taking over me
> 
> White threads on my laces, stuck on the hinges  
Swinging the door to the backyard  
Cut splinters, walk a tightrope  
Spun like a bandage touch on the outer surface  
Bright eyes of the solstice wherever your mind is headed  
For a freight train city  
Locked up till you're moonlit  
Brushing my hair back, feeling your lips on my cold neck
> 
> Magnetic everything about you  
You really got me, now
> 
> You took to me so well  
Hypnotic taking over me  
Make me feel like someone else  
You got me talking in my sleep  
I don't wanna come back down  
I don't wanna touch the ground  
Pacific Ocean, dug so deep  
Hypnotic taking over me
> 
> Hypnotic taking over me
> 
> You took to me so well  
Hypnotic taking over me  
Make me feel like someone else  
You got me talking in my sleep  
I don't wanna come back down  
I don't wanna touch the ground  
Pacific Ocean, dug so deep  
Hypnotic taking over me
> 
> source: [Hypnotic by Zella Day](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SQAR31Y0b9c)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm such a tease I know. ;) Hope everyone is enjoying!  
-Eros


	9. Chapter 9

The ride out of the tunnels was rough, two other horses waited outside, neither of them was Dutch's nor Arthur's horse, John had no clue how to tell Dutch about The Count.

Dutch offered to find something else to transport Arthur in, but Arthur wanted nothing more to be home in his own tent to die in peace... Leaning his back against Dutch was also a rather convenient aspect of this mode of transportation. They kept it slow for Arthur's sake, but no one complained. Jacob and Amelia rode with John, who glanced over often to Arthur, making sure he was still alive, Bill rode with Hosea so Dutch and Arthur could keep the horse.

Due to the snail's pace, an hour trip turned into five, when the pain got too much Arthur had to slow the team and take a shot of whiskey... Dutch's hand rested on Arthur's stomach, the other having the reins, occasionally his thumb would move almost like a caress, to which Arthur assumed was to provide comfort.

"You're doing good." Dutch whispered to him. "We're almost there."

"... Hope so." Arthur wheezed, causing Dutch to frown in concern, looking over to the others.

"Hosea, why don't you and Bill ride ahead, tell them we're almost there and Arthur needs attention immediately when we arrive." Dutch suggested.

"You sure Dutch?" Hosea asked, not exactly wanting to leave them behind after their disappearance.

"Yes, Arthur ain't doin' good." Dutch replied seriously, Hosea hesitated but when he glanced to Arthur, seeing his slightly slumped and exhausted appearance he nodded.

"Alright, be safe, not much further." Hosea mentioned before kicking his horse and beginning to gallop back towards camp.

John's heart clenched as he saw Arthur's health beginning to decline, but as he remembered Dutch's beloved injured horse waiting at camp, he gulped. He knew Dutch wouldn't take this news well but if he didn't tell Dutch he knew it would be much harder.

"D-Dutch..." John called.

"What is it, son?" Dutch asked, slightly distracted.

"... When the horses got stolen... The Count got hurt." He confessed, watching Dutch snap his head towards him, horror crossing his face.

"What happened?" He asked.

"Long story short, those assholes that abandoned ya'll had The Count and The Admiral in a holding pen, The Count was being a tad... Uncooperative and the guy hit him with a whip at point-blank range... I-In the face." John explained, trying not to panic Dutch but he didn't want to sugar coat it either. "It wasn't too bad when it got cleaned up, it's a clean-cut and should heal fine..." He added for good measure.

Dutch had an unreadable expression, it seemed to be a mixture of horror and devastation, turning his head forward, right now he needed to focus on getting Arthur to camp. Even though Arthur was trying not to pass out he could hear the conversation between Dutch and John, hearing that The Count was abused got a fire going within Arthur and he knew that if he was upset Dutch was beside himself... He just wouldn't say it.

Reaching up, his hand weakly rested on top of Dutch's hand that rested against his skin, trying to lend some support back to Dutch.

"... I'm sorry." Arthur muttered quietly to Dutch, unsure of what to say at first.

"Don't be." Dutch replied, his tone was stiff but he was trying not to be rude, Arthur frowned knowing Dutch was enraged.

The Count was precious to Dutch, priceless by all means, knowing someone intentionally hurt him wasn't going to go over with Dutch. Thankfully it wasn't much more than fifteen minutes when the light from the campfire could be seen through the trees.

"Is that..?" Uncle asked.

"Arthur! Dutch! Their back!" Mary-Beth yelled.

Abigail ran out from the tent that she was now sharing with Mary-Beth, Karen and Tilly. Arthur was worse for wear and she quickly rushed over to help Susan with whatever she could.

"He has a bullet in his chest! Be careful!" Dutch ordered as he carefully climbed down from the horse.

John helped Amelia and Jacob down from the horse before dashing to Dutch's side and helping Arthur down from the horse. He released a gasp and a scream of pain that John had never heard before as he got off the horse. Any movement triggered extreme pain for Arthur, and John had no clue how he survived.

"Get him in the tent!" Susan ordered, Dutch put one of Arthur's arms around him and John the other, supporting him as best they could as they walked him to his tent.

Dutch and John were then shooed out as Susan and Abigail went to work on taking care of Arthur properly. Amelia had done a great job with what she had, but she had difficulties sterilizing bandages and there were worrying signs of an infection deep in the wound. Because they had kept the wound clean in the four days after, the possibility of infection killing Arthur was greatly reduced.

Dutch could see Amelia and Jacob standing to the side, eagerly waiting for news of Arthur's condition, and now that things weren't so dire, he could properly introduce them to everyone. Walking over to them Amelia seemed to be relieved seeing a familiar face approaching them.

"I'm sorry for all this." He apologized, reaching up and rubbing his eyes tiredly, he couldn't wait to change clothes and get a decent night of sleep.

"Don't be... I'm just so grateful you let us come with you." She said with a beaming smile.

"Do you mind if I introduce you to everyone at once? Normally I would be more personal about it but... I'm so tired." He confessed, Amelia reached forward, taking Dutch's hand sweetly in both her hands.

"Of course not... Thank you so much again, Mister Van der Linde." She thanked generously.

"Thank you for keeping my friend alive." He countered, she smiled a tad shyly before Dutch lead her and Jacob to his tent where everyone was congregating after he and John's long-awaited return. "My friends, my family, please lend me your ears for the moment." He announced to get everyone's attention. "There is no denying that Arthur and I were gone longer than intended... And thanks to this young lady, Miss Amelia Watson and her younger brother, Jacob that Arthur and I are alive now." he explained sincerely. "With her help as well, we will be able to pay back the law enforcment that has been terrorizing this town for years! I want everyone to give them a warm welcome and I am... So, so happy to be back." He concluded with a smile of pure relief, resting a palm on his chest.

Everyone gave Dutch a cheer for his small speech before he figured out a place for Amelia and Jacob to stay. He would really have to pick up another canvas tent when he could but they weren't cheap, however now, he had to see his horse. Despite wanting to change and sleep, Dutch desperately had to see if what John said was true... Sneaking off to the hitching posts he saw the horse's white face tainted with a bright red slash diagonally across the bridge of his nose, spanning from his left eye all the way down to his muzzle. The wound was so sickening to see that it actually stopped Dutch in his tracks momentarily, but when the horse looked up and recognized Dutch, he huffed and bobbed his head in excitement.

Dutch blinked but he continued walking, soon jogging to the horse, his hands coming out to cradle the animals massive head in his arms, careful to avoid the laceration. He was so overwhelmed with emotions of all kinds that he didn't even realize he was crying until a sob racked his body, burying his head into the horse's neck to stifle himself he pet the horse lovingly.

"I-..." He muttered, his voice briefly cutting off beyond his control. "... I'm so, _so _sorry..." He whimpered to the horse.

* * *

Arthur wasn't thrilled for Abigail to see him in this state and for helping Susan get him into a clean change of clothes, but he was in so much pain he couldn't complain about it. When he was finally laying down in his cot that was layered in animal furs of all kinds, he finally felt a sense of comfort.

It was hard for Abigail as well, actually _seeing _the bullet hole in Arthur's chest and seeing some blood _still _dripping from it, she didn't realize how mortally wounded Arthur really was. There was still a chance that he wouldn't make it and it scared the hell out of her, but she worked quickly and efficiently, doing everything that Susan instructed her to do. It took an hour of constant work before Susan finally said that there was nothing more they could do currently and blood caked their hands.

"Um... C-Can I stay with him for a few minutes, Miss Grimshaw?" She finally asked as they cleaned their hands with a wet rag, Susan looked over to her, her look softening.

"... I suppose, but let him rest soon, he needs it." She replied before she exited the tent.

Slowly turning back to Arthur she stood there, staring at him for a few moments, Arthur's eyes fluttered opened and he looked over to her. There was fear and hesitation in her eyes, this had obviously overwhelmed her and Arthur felt guilt hit him, but even though she seemed out of her element, she grabbed a chair and put it by Arthur's side.

"... I'm sorry." Arthur rasped softly, Abigail seemed confused.

"Sorry? Arthur, why are you sorry? I'm just happy you're okay." She chuckled softly, reaching forward and taking his hand.

"... You were never supposed to deal with this... I told you we was bad men... I wasn't honest with you about the shit we get into." He sighed, squeezing her hand in his weakly, she frowned and looked down to their conjoined hands.

"Arthur I'm not a stranger to hardships... I may not have much experience with bullet wounds, but I adjust well." She said with the sweetest smile Arthur had ever seen.

Arthur stared at her dumbfounded by the fact that she had just said she would _adjust _to taking care of his bullet wounds. Eventually, he puffed out a small pathetic chuckle, shaking his head some.

"... I don't deserve you." He murmured, making Abigail blush, standing up she leaned over him, her free hand coming to caress one of his cheeks while her lips came in contact with his gently, Arthur's heart pounding.

"You saved my life, Arthur... And much more." She replied quietly.

Arthur wished he could sit up at that moment but he smiled up at her nonetheless, her hand that had caressed his cheek coming down to gently rest on his chest, careful to avoid his wound.

"... I should leave you to sleep before Miss Grimshaw comes and drags me outta here." She sighed, Arthur released another small laugh.

"Will you come visit me again, Miss Roberts?" He asked.

"... Of course, Mister Morgan." She replied with a smiled before she slowly managed to turn away from Arthur.

Their hands were linked until she actually began walking away, their fingers slipping away from one another as Arthur watched her walk out of the tent. He was asleep after a few more seconds, drifting off easily.

* * *

Seeing Abigail walk out of the tent, John didn't waste time in approaching her since he wasn't allowed in to see Arthur yet while he was still in critical condition. She and Susan had been there a long time the sun had set and all but gone down.

"H-How is he?" He asked, trying not to sound too nervous.

"He was awake and talking... Has spirit too." Abigail seemed to simper with a subtle pink hue on her cheeks.

Right... Now that Arthur was back, John probably had no chance with Abigail... He shook his head subtly, unable to think like that right now, not when he was being torn in two directions.

"Good... I was just worried for him." John muttered, Abigail nodded in reply.

"He's not out of the woods yet but I think he'll pull through, did you wanna see him?" Abigail asked, the answer to that was yes but for some reason, John took a step back and shook his head.

"Uh no, no it's fine. I'll take your word for it... Besides if Miss Grimshaw catches me in there I'll be the one served for dinner... Thanks anyway." He sighed, reaching up and rubbing the back of his neck before turning away from her and beginning to depart this conversation to conserve whatever dignity he had left.

Abigail blinked as she watched with a slightly surprised expression as John suddenly ended their conversation. It wasn't like John to leave her hanging like that and with how worried he was for Arthur she was also shocked that John didn't want to see him. Suddenly her heart lurched and she spoke out.

"John!" She called, watching him pause and turn back to her. "... C-Can we practice reading again soon?" She asked, fidgeting nervously, John's brows arched but he quickly reeled in his taken aback expression.

"... You wanna?" He asked.

"Of course... You're a good teacher and I... _Might_ enjoy my time with you." She explained, a blush rising to her cheeks as John smirked at her coyness.

"Well, then I _might _have time later." He chuckled, Abigail huffed before she walked up to John.

"... And if I dare say I _do _like spending time with you?" She asked.

"... I love spending time with you, Miss Roberts. It would be a pleasure." John replied softly, almost intimately, catching Abigail completely off guard.

She almost took a step back, staring at John like a baby deer. No one had ever said anything so sweet to her... She wasn't used to being treated with respect like the way Arthur and John treated her. Gulping she reached up, playing with her hair nervously as she thought of her answer.

"I-I...I like you, John." She admitted, now shocking John. "B-But... I never... I'm not used to... I don't really know how... I-I've never done this before." She stammered, John frowned.

"I don't care about that." He replied evenly, Abigail took a step back, unsure of how to proceed.

"... I don't know John." She mumbled.

"Look." He said calmly, stepping towards her, gently taking her hands in his. "... I'm not tryin' to control you. Whatever you want from me... I'm willing to give." He admitted, watching Abigail's eyes grow to the size of dinner plates. "... If you're scared... Or if you're not sure... It's alright. I'm not goin' anywhere... Take your time. Figure it out." he sighed, watching her relax considerably. "I don't need an answer now or tomorrow... If you don't wanna be tamed either that's fine with me." He chuckled, managing to make Abigail giggle softly. "... If it helps," he said softly, catching her attention again. "... I like you too." He admitted, reaching up to brush some hair out of Abigail's face.

"It does... Thank you, John." She said, smiling and leaning into his touch.

John caressed her cheek, her skin was so soft against his calloused fingers... He wanted her... And it seemed Abigail read his mind, because as her blue eyes met his dark mysterious bronze globes, they drew her in... In the dim light of the late evening, Abigail stepped forward and leaned in, pressing her lips against his. John had been wanting to kiss her ever since he saw her and now he had the opportunity.

While John didn't doubt his abilities in the bedroom, his nerves jumped tenfold when Abigail kissed him... Reaching forward he gently caught her hips and pulled her a little closer against him. John wanted to push her to the nearest tree and take her from behind but they were a bit in the open and he didn't like his business being completely open for everyone to see. Thankfully everyone was so focused on Dutch and Arthur being back and celebrating that it didn't seem like they were seen for now.

When Abigail pulled back from the kiss she seemed surprised, John's eyes darted around for a moment before returning to her. He needed to be with her... Nodding toward his tent silently, Abigail turned her head to see what John was motioning to, but catching what he was trying to convey she quickly turned back to him and slowly started backing away, pulling him toward the tent.

Thank God.

John didn't hesitate to follow her and when they snuck into his tent John quickly pulled her toward him again, completely sweeping Abigail off of her feet. She melted into the kiss and wrapped her arms around him, when she felt John's lips switch from her lips to her neck, she blushed and released a small sigh. The sounds of encouragement only convincing John he was doing a job well done, he laid her down carefully on his cot that was lined with many pelts from their travels as she reached forward and began to unbutton her blouse.

As her body became more and more exposed to him John fell harder and harder, Abigail was the most beautiful woman he had ever set his eyes on. He could truly see himself falling in love with her... Not only was she gorgeous but she was funny, sweet and also had a spicy side that showed itself in the best ways. He reached in as her brassier was showed off to him in the dim lighting of his tent, gently grasping one of her breasts with his free hand.

Abigail blushed, releasing a small mewl like whine, one of her hands reaching around to unzip her skirt. John finally sat back up and started to unbutton his shirt, he needed to be with her... He needed to be inside her. Clothes were practically ripped off and soon John's tent was a collage of their clothing items like a sex-fueled art exhibit, he was on top of her, kissing her breasts and gently teasing her flower.

"John..." Abigail moaned softly, blushing and arching her back as she felt John's finger teasing her pearl, it was overwhelming in the best way.

"Yes?" He purred.

"F-Feels amazing..." She moaned.

"Good... I wanna make you feel amazing." He mused as he continued teasing her bud.

Once John felt a familiar slickness against her sex, all the blood in his body rushed straight to his appendage. Upon slowly sliding his middle finger deep into her core, Abigail gasped softly out of pleasure, doing whatever she could to stifle her sounds of arousal from the party outside. John's finger curled upwards gently inside her in a sort of _come hither _motion, causing Abigail's walls to spasm against him slightly, almost as if it were a sneak peek of what was to come.

One after one John slipped his fingers inside her until he had three successfully and comfortably pumping in and out of her. By now, Abigail's hair was sprawled out around her form, sweat forming at her brow and her face was as red as a cherry. She was enjoying herself and because she was having a good time, John was too but now he was finding it so difficult to resist her... However now, he knew she was ready, as he carefully slid his fingers out of her, Abigail released a small frustrated sigh, her eyes opening, sass eminent in them but as she watched John reposition himself to line his groin with hers.

Panting, Abigail's knees came out more, sufficiently opening her legs farther, her palms coming up to rest on her knee caps, almost as if holding her legs open. The way she was exposed to him was so erotic, almost perverted and John couldn't wait anymore. His fingers wrapped around his shaft, helping himself aim towards her entrance before the mount of her arousal welcoming him eagerly. Feeling his shaft slide inside her, his eyes briefly fluttered, but he regained himself quick, Abigail's back momentarily arching and releasing a yelp of surprise and lust.

Leaning down, John's lips found themselves at her neck once more, nipping the skin there and trailing kisses down her neck to her breasts once more, teasing her nipples. He knew Arthur had been with her first, and deep down he wanted to try and be better... But drowning the thought of Arthur out of his mind as quickly as it entered, John performed flawlessly. Beginning to thrust his hips back and forth, his length massaging the heart of her femininity, the sound of their sighs escaping them in sync...

His lips made their way back up to her lips once more, their tongues danced gracefully and when their lips finally parted Abigail's eyes fluttered open as she moaned quietly in time with John's cock slamming into her. When the sight of her sapphire eyes caught John's sooty dark hues, her delicate fingers coming up to gently rest against John's cheek, bringing him in again, kissing him intensely.

"H-Hold on." She whispered against his lips, John froze momentarily wondering if he had done something wrong as she carefully pushed him off of her.

Soon, all of his anxieties were silence as she climbed on top of him, straddling his hips, her eyes sultry and inviting. A smirk slithered onto John's lips as he watched her hover over his manhood and carefully lowering herself on top of him. She flinched only slightly as she felt every single inch of John venture within her, his hands rested on her thighs, caressing her skin in encouragement.

Being able to watch her play with herself while riding him, her hands coming up to toy with her breasts, occasionally reaching down to rub her clit, not only stimulating herself but providing plenty to watch for John. Beginning to feel a building sensation deep within his body, John leaned his head back, doing whatever he could to keep the sounds of their sex to a minimum but it was beginning to get difficult with each passing moment.

"I-I'm close..." He warned, giving her a chance to plan on what she wanted to do.

"Me too..." Abigail said breathlessly.

Within a few more minutes of Abigail riding him like a pro, John could feel his orgasm rushing towards him. Reaching down to tease Abigail's clit for her as she rode him, rolling her hips against John's, driving her own orgasm closer and closer, but as she ground her hips against his, a hand came up and covered her mouth as she cried out into her palm. John's hands fastened onto Abigail's hips, driving her down into him as his own climax overcame him.

As their highs came down, Abigail panting heavily in time with John, who sat up so he could kiss her lips tenderly. She smiled into the kiss as her hands rested on John's shoulders almost as if to steady herself. Meeting John's gaze, Abigail couldn't help but sport a smirk of her own.

"Don't think this changes anything..." She mused almost playfully, John chortled softly as he leaned back, falling against his bedding tiredly.

"Of course not... But perhaps we can... Do this again?" He asked curiously, Abigail had a thoughtful expression for a moment but she smiled, leaned down to peck John's lips once more.

"I suppose... I hate to have fun and run but I need to clean up and take care of this." She explained with a grin.

Oh, shit, of course, John was so far lost in the moment he completely forgot that he came inside her without a second thought.

"Sorry about that, I-I meant to warn you more." He apologized sheepishly as she climbed off him and began collecting her clothes to put on.

"It's alright John, I've learned a few tricks since being for sale." She snickered, John felt a bit of relief, he did _not _want children, at least not right now.

"Good." He affirmed, slipping his drawers and trousers on and standing once Abigail was all together.

She reached up and fixed her hair so it wasn't completely obvious as to what they were doing, but she turned to John, still blushing. Reaching forward, John took one of her hands and brought it to his lips. He then sent a smile to her as she tucked a stray bit of hair behind her ear shyly.

"... Goodnight, Miss Roberts." He said just above a whisper.

"... Goodnight, Mister Martson." She simpered, winking at John before she slipped out of the tent.

Holy shit, John couldn't believe what had just happened... Nearly falling back against his cot, once he was laying down, he smiled and reached up, rubbing his eyes tiredly. Abigail was something else... Now Arthur wasn't the only one in the game. He knew that they were by no means exclusive, there was a reason Abigail made the comment she did, John was going to make sure not to be possessive. He couldn't be.

* * *

John didn't remember falling asleep completely but when he opened his eyes and looked over, Arthur as asleep on his side facing away from him... His heart completely clenched and his body froze. What the actual fuck? Did John get drunk and end up sleeping with Arthur? Arthur was supposed to be injured!

Slowly sitting up, he stared over at Arthur as if there was an alien in his bed and yet some part of him was begging this to be a reality... Perhaps the last four years had somehow been a horrible nightmare and in reality he had been asleep with Arthur the whole time? Reaching over, he gently caught Arthur's shoulder and gently turned him over to face him.

Arthur's eyes fluttered briefly but as they opened and looked over and without much hesitation, a smile broke out over Arthur's visage. Arthur was happy to see him..? Was this really his reality? Arthur propped himself on his elbow as he turned over to face John, reaching over and caressing his cheek, John was too stunned to move.

"You alright?" Arthur asked, finally kicking John out of his trance. "You look like you seen a ghost, partner." He seemed to purr as John slowly began to feel a warm feeling come over him, leaning into Arthur's touch.

"I-I... I dunno." John muttered, still in shock.

Arthur furrowed his brows and sat up to get a good look at John, scooting over and slowly, almost carefully leaning over to place a feathery kiss on John's neck. Feeling Arthur's skin against his again... John gulped and shivered, leaning his head to the side to expose more of his neck for Arthur to kiss.

"I thought... I dunno even what I thought..." John sighed, his arm hesitantly coming up around Arthur, his open hand resting in the middle of his partners back.

"Musta been one helluva dream." Arthur puffed out a small chuckle as he reared back some to see John's face.

The love in Arthur's eyes... John was back in the past all over again, he felt his heart fluttering as he watched Arthur beginning to lean in. Despite everything in him telling John to back away he couldn't, and as Arthur kissed him he felt at home all over again. There was no replacing Arthur... Deep down John always knew that.

Suddenly, a drop of something wet and warm fell onto his leg, momentarily pulling his attention away from the kiss. Pulling back John was horrified to see the bullet wound in Arthur's chest, who seemed to gasp softly and reached up to clutch his wound.

"... Why didn't you look for me?"

* * *

John's eyes opened and he was in his dark tent once more, it was silent outside... There was a small glimmer of light outside signaling that it was probably around four o'clock in the morning. The camp wasn't awake yet but all John could think about was trying to hold back the breakdown he knew was coming... Every single fucking time he thought he was over Arthur...

Remembering the bloody hole in Arthur's chest in his nightmare, he gulped and sat up, reaching up and wiping the sweat from his face. He hadn't seen Arthur since they had returned and his gut was doing flips over his nightmare, what if it was a premonition of something? He had to make sure Arthur was okay before he could think about shutting himself off from everyone for the remainder of the day to recover from the heartbreak.

Getting up, John took his time putting his shirt on since he wasn't exactly _excited _to see Arthur. He knew to be bitter toward Arthur would solve nothing but when he was cruel to Arthur it kept him away... It had taken him years to move on and when he thought things were looking up with Abigail there was a harsh reminder that no matter what that he loved Arthur and he fucking hated it.

Dragging his feet to Arthur's tent he gulped, fidgeting as he hesitated. John wasn't sure he could handle this, he was so afraid of how he would feel when he saw Arthur but after about five minutes of his inner battles he finally took the initiative to walk inside, he had to be careful because he knew Dutch was asleep in here too. Glancing over he could see Dutch completely passed out, he knew waking Dutch probably wasn't possible but he didn't want to test it. Approaching Arthur's bed, he sat in the chair that Abigail had pulled up to the cot the previous night.

John was still exhausted, but he could see Arthur's facial expression was peaceful, his breathing slow but steady. John was relieved... He truly thought that perhaps that horrible nightmare was telling him something happened to Arthur, but what _did _it mean if Arthur was fine..? John was afraid to find out the answer to that.

For the first time in years, John finally went against everything his mind told him was dangerous. While he had absolutely no intention of being with Arthur again, he quickly looked over to Dutch, staring at him for a few moments to make sure he was indeed asleep before he carefully stood up. John gulped as his nerves rose to his head but he hovered over Arthur and pecked his lips briefly, pressing his forehead against Arthur's.

"... You idiot." John sighed before he resumed his seat at Arthur's side.

John leaned into the bed, his arms folded and supporting his head as he fell asleep at Arthur's side surprisingly easy. When Dutch finally woke up later in the morning, he was pleasantly but utterly shocked to see John asleep next to Arthur, peacefully. He couldn't help but smile as he grabbed a blanket and draped it over John, and ducking out of the tent so he didn't ruin the moment should John wake up.

> Ah, ah, when I was younger, I, I, should have known better  
And I can't feel no remorse, and you don't feel nothing back
> 
> I, I, got a new girlfriend, he feels like he's on top  
And I don't feel no remorse, and you can't see past my blinders
> 
> Oh, Ophelia, you've been on my mind girl since the flood  
Oh, Ophelia, heaven help a fool who falls in love
> 
> I, I, got a little paycheck, you got big plans and you gotta move  
And I don't feel nothing at all  
And you can't feel nothing small
> 
> Honey I love you, that's all she wrote
> 
> Oh, Ophelia, you've been on my mind girl like a drug  
Oh, Ophelia, heaven help a fool who falls in love
> 
> Oh, Ophelia, you've been on my mind girl since the flood  
Oh, Ophelia, heaven help a fool who falls in love
> 
> Oh, Ophelia, you've been on my mind girl like a drug  
Oh, Ophelia, heaven help a fool who falls in love
> 
> source: [Ophelia by The Lumineers](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Erpltm876MA)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> John's finally in the game!!! I know some of you may be confused and unsure about the direction but as Dutch van der Linde says: I've got a plan, trust me. ;D  
Lmao, I'm hoping that you are all enjoying the story so far despite the twists and turns! Love you all and I can't wait to hear from you!  
-Eros


	10. Chapter 10

When Arthur's eyes began fluttering again, he was in his canvas tent. He had almost completely forgotten about the tortuous ride back to camp... He had forgotten quite a bit, in fact, he could only remember bits and pieces of the last few days. They were like a narcotic dream... But what he did remember made his heart pound, he could almost still feel Dutch's fingers grazing his skin at his hip.

Before he could dwell on the moment for too long, he felt something brush his fingertips, it felt like hair. Reaching over a little he felt someone's scalp but he wasn't sure who, but once his hand surfed through the thick locks of soft straight hair... He knew _exactly _who it was, turning his head slowly and weakly picking it up to peer down... There he was.

When Arthur's head fell back toward his pillow, he released a small puff of air, anything he did felt like he had run a marathon, even moving his damn head, but when he saw John asleep peacefully at his side, he could have cried if he wasn't so exhausted. He continued gently caressing John's hair, running his fingers carefully through his thick locks. He hadn't felt John's hair in so long... And soon John was stirring, not much at first, but the pleasant prodding soon had his eyes fluttering open as well.

As John slowly woke up and remembered he was at Arthur's side, feeling him rub his head softly it was unnerving at first... But as he laid there, relishing the feeling of Arthur caressing his hair... He relaxed, he didn't realize how much he missed this. Eventually, though, John pushed himself up slowly, he rolled his neck free of the stiffness that had taken up during the night.

"Morning, princess." Arthur greeted weakly but with a smirk.

"Hey..." John murmured, still so completely grateful that Arthur was alive. "How you feel?" He inquired.

"Like I have a damn train on my chest..." Arthur groaned.

"You scared the hell out of us." John mused, reaching down and taking the hand that had run through his hair.

Feeling John's hand grasp his own, Arthur's heart felt lighter and his fingers intertwined with Johns, hoping he wasn't overstepping a boundary. Thankfully John only grasped his hand a little tighter, he looked down to their hands and chuckled almost sadly.

"... You scared the hell outta _me_." He added softly.

"That's my specialty, Marston." Arthur replied, but seeing John's eyes locked on their hands, his thumb gently stroked the back of John's hand. "... I still can't remember everything that happened... All I can recall is seein' the sun reflect off a scope in the shack by that hole and shovin' Dutch... Next thing I knew... I was dyin'." He explained, staring up at the ceiling.

"... I'm sorry we didn't find you sooner... Honestly, I thought... I dunno what I thought, I was an idiot." He scoffed, shaking his head.

"Dutch and I are a formidable pair... I wouldn't be worried either." Arthur comforted. "Honestly these last few days have been nothin' but... Nothin' for me, actually. All I've been doin' is sleepin', so don't beat yourself up." He explained.

"Yeah but Dutch... I know he was probably itchin' to get outta there." John scoffed.

At the mention of Dutch's name, Arthur _almost _blushed, he was being pulled in not one, not two, but _three _different directions currently. He swallowed harshly and shrugged his shoulders as best he could.

"He's fine you know how he-" Arthur's breathin' hitched and a cough errupted from his chest.

Immediately whatever Arthur was going to say, it was forgotten, as excruciating pain radiated through his entire body. He gasped for air as his hands came up and clutched at his chest, his body contorting in pain. Arthur groaned and rolled over onto his side, his knees coming up towards his chest as he went into an almost fetal position. His lungs spasmed and John watched in horror, he had _never _seen Arthur in this much pain and it was awful to see, but he reached forward and gently rubbed Arthurs back and caressed his cheek, monitoring for fever and trying to provide whatever comfort he could.

"Deep breaths Arthur..." He encouraged quietly as his heart pounded with fear.

It took a few minutes but when Arthur finally regained his breath he wheezed for a little while. His eyes were so tired as he stared forward almost blankly, unable to focus on anything... In truth, Arthur wanted to die in that moment... And John could see it because he quickly took Arthur's hand again to give him something to concentrate on.

"... Y-You better stay with us... W-With me I mean." John stammered, gulping down the lump in his throat that kept building with every moment he watched Arthur suffer.

"... I-I'm trying." Arthur chuckled briefly, John was relieved to hear that the wheezing finally ceased. "... There ain't no promises." he murmured, and suddenly a thought hit Arthur harshly, and now he was the one having trouble speaking. "Y-Ya know John... If something happens, I just want you to know that-"

"No." John interrupted, shaking his head seriously, Arthur arched a brow.

"No?"

"No." John affirmed. "Cause you're not gonna die." He confirmed.

"John, we don't know-"

"No, Arthur listen to me, goddammit." John huffed softly, but catching Arthur's undivided attention as John pulled away from Arthur so he could look into his eyes, he glanced to their conjoined hands before resuming his hold on Arthur's tired gaze despite tears brimming in his own. "You're _not _gonna die... You know why? Because I'm _not _gonna let you, you think you can get off that easy? I-I have so much anger that I have built up inside me... And it would be _really _shitty for you to die before I had the chance to say all the things I need to say to you... Got it?" He asked, his grip on Arthur's hand trembling.

Arthur was surprised, that was the most that John had ever said to him in _years _not only that but everything John said he said with raw emotion. Despite the pain still resting in his chest from the coughing fit that he had just gone through, Arthur somehow found it in him to push himself up. He winced and grunted, John went to push him back down but when Arthur shooed his hand away, he bit his tongue and watched with anticipation. Arthur panted softly, his hand coming up to rest on his bandage but as he _finally _recovered his breath he looked over to John who was now at eye level with him... His hand came out slowly should John want to push him away, but even as John stared at him with surprise, tears still poised in his eyes, Arthur pulled the younger man close to him and embraced him tightly.

"... Got it." He whispered to John. "I'm sorry."

John sat there stiff for a few moments but as Arthur spoke he released a slightly labored relieved sigh, he leaned into the hug, his hands coming up to wrap around Arthur.

"For what?" He eventually chuckled softly.

"God there's so much..." Arthur chortled quietly in reply as he pulled back to meet John's gaze again.

The air around them stopped... They were close for the first time in god knows how long and Arthur wanted nothing more than to lean in and kiss John, his thumb carefully wiped away some tears, causing John to avert his gaze momentarily. John had to remind himself that just because Arthur was hurt that didn't mean that everything was suddenly okay between them. They had a _long _way to go, and in all honesty, John had to think about if he even wanted that, he was still so guarded around Arthur but when Arthur looked at him the way he did, his eyes full of tenderness and yearning... John wanted to give in.

"A-Arthur..." He muttered, pulling away from Arthur's hand that rested at his face.

Arthur blinked but he could see the discomfort and the uncertainty in John's eyes... He sighed but he nodded in understanding and pulled his hand away. John hated to make this awkward when it was going so well, but whenever he caught himself getting too close to his mentor and his heart started lurching, he was slammed with every night he laid awake and waited for Arthur... And Arthur never came, he was reminded every time he caught certain colognes on Arthur he wanted to vomit because he was wearing a certain smell when they slept together, it was all too painful.

"I-I wish I could..." Arthur mumbled, not quite sure where he was going with it in the first place, but as he saw John look back over to him as he trailed off, John snorted softly and looked away again before he stood up, fear climbed up into Arthur's throat again as he caught John's wrist gently. "John wait-"

"Relax... I'm just going to go get you something to drink alright?" John calmed, despite the tension in the air Arthur was relieved and he tried not to feel embarrassed over the fact that he was just about to beg John not to leave.

When Arthur released his wrist, John walked towards the exit of the tent when his legs stopped. There was something he had always wanted to ask, needed to really but he never got the balls to do it until now.

"... Do you regret..?" He asked, his sentence trailing off as well, hoping that Arthur understood what he was asking, but he didn't dare turn around to look.

Arthur knew immediately what John was asking, he had thought of that question himself, he used to regret being with John only because of the way he had hurt his young protege, but he never regretted _being _with John. If he could go back and change it he would without a doubt... But he always ended up failing the people he loved.

This was the first time since Arthur had broken things off that they had actually spoken of their relationship when they were together... Arthur knew that this answer must've been important to John if he came straight out and asked it.

"... Never, John." He replied, despite his tone being weak from his injury there was confidence in his words and if John were a softer person by nature he could have sobbed, but he swallowed quickly and nodded before he departed Arthur's tent without another word.

Despite John regretting asking the question, he was glad he did. He never wanted to talk about what had happened between him and Arthur only because he didn't think he could take it. For god sake, he just kissed Arthur _last night_... And thank god Arthur seemed to have no inkling of that.

John walked outside in the fresh air and away from Arthur's piercing gaze that always read him like a goddamn book. No matter how much he tried to keep Arthur out he always managed to worm himself back in, intentional or otherwise. He ended up leaning against a tree and reaching up, rubbing his eyes to successfully wipe away the rest of his tears and gather his sanity back together.

He filled a small metal cantine with water that was near Arthur's tent before slipping back inside, Arthur was still sitting up and waiting for him but he was checking his wound since he was upright. John hadn't actually seen the bullet wound up close yet, Arthur looked up when John walked back in.

"Thanks... I'm parched." He rasped as John neared his cot, handing him the canteen before kneeling in front of Arthur.

"Here, you just drink, I'll look at it." John offered.

Checking the opening for infection, he hummed, it was probably time to change these bandages. Glancing over when someone else walked in, his heart paused momentarily when he saw Abigail. He hadn't seen her since last night after they slept together... She seemed to hesitate too but she quickly resumed, Arthur could already sense that something in the room was off but he couldn't tell what yet.

"I came to see how you were feelin'." Abigail mused as she stopped next to John.

"Uh, actually, Abigail, do you mind fetching me a new bandage for him?" John asked, looking up to her momentarily.

"Oh, of course, I'll be right back." She mentioned, her fingers gently grazing his jawline but Arthur noticed, and suddenly a smirk came over his face, John narrowed his eyes up at him after Abigail left.

"What?" He asked, his tone hinting at a warning.

"... You finally get it in?" Arthur inquired.

"Shut up." John growled softly. "It wasn't like that."

"I'm sure." Arthur snickered.

"You say one more word I'm gonna shove my finger in your damn bullet hole." John huffed.

"Alright, alright." Arthur relented since he was at John's mercy.

He expected to be upset at the realization that John slept with Abigail, but he told John himself that they weren't together and he meant it. Arthur wasn't a jealous person, nor was he possessive, but he expected to feel _something_... Perhaps it was because he was still exhausted and recovering, maybe he was just physically unable to be pissed off right now?

When Abigail returned, she handed John the gauze, their eyes met momentarily as their hands brushed against each other. John blinked and turned back to Arthur, patching him back up with fresh bandages and nodding, infection would definitely kill Arthur, and he was not letting Arthur off the hook that easily.

"How are you, Arthur?" Abigail asked, sitting next to him on the cot.

"Alright, I guess... Just tired and hurtin'... Honestly, I almost wish those bastards woulda just killed me properly." he scoffed.

"You bite your tongue!" Abigail scolded, making Arthur chuckle softly as John sat back in the chair by Arthur's bed.

"Nah... I'll be alright I think, thanks to him." Arthur mentioned nodding to John, surprising him to say the least. "... I probably woulda died if he hadn't found us." He added, meeting John's eyes, he was so sincere, John wanted to punch him not exactly out of malice but mostly because he didn't want to blush.

"Well, thankfully that girl, Amelia, right? Thank god she wasn't with those boys that shot you." John commented.

"True, she's a such a nice girl, her brother too. A cute kid." Abigail beamed.

Almost as if the universe was designed to make Arthur uncomfortable, Dutch then made his way into the tent. Arthur was so sexually distressed having all three of his current flames in the same tent.

"Oh, I didn't realize you two were in here." Dutch mused.

"They were just visiting, please don't tell Miss Grimshaw." Arthur pleaded, making everyone chuckle.

"Well, I hate to kick everyone out and ruin the fun but I need to talk to Arthur privately, that alright?" He asked Arthur, who arched his brows a bit.

"Uh sure, everything alright?" He asked as Abigail and John stood up together.

John looked down to Arthur and nodded, despite their privacy being cut short, the conversation they had was important and it gave a lot for John to think about, and despite Abigail smiling at him and reaching over to take his hand momentarily before departing with John, Arthur could see them look at one another fondly as they walked out..

"For now... How are you doin'?" He asked, making Arthur groan.

"I can't wait for everyone to stop worrying about me... No offense. I'm alright I guess... Coughed a bit before." He sighed and reached up to rub his chest.

"None taken... You up to talk to Hosea too? We need to start plannin' how were gonna hit the assholes that did this to you." He mused with a signature Dutch smirk.

"You sure that's wise?" Arthur asked.

"Well, obviously we can't do anything until you're ready to join us again but it wouldn't hurt to go over things beforehand." Dutch explained.

"... I guess you ain't wrong." Arthur mentioned, shrugging.

"Of course I ain't, son." Dutch cackled softly before he poked his head out the tent and called for Hosea, pulling himself back in and waited for the other man to join them.

"Arthur, glad to see you sitting up." Hosea said with a grin.

"Yeah well get your view now cause I'm not sitting up again after this for the next two weeks." Arthur murmured.

"Fair enough." Dutch stated, the phrase sending a sharp shudder up Arthur's spine, he hoped it wasn't noticed.

Arthur kept up as best he could, he had only been home a day so Dutch and Hosea were lenient on his attention span. The plan, for now, was that someone would need to ride up and do some reconnaissance, and based on how they were set up, Hosea suggested they try to do it quietly while Dutch wanted to assemble all of the guns to make an impression on the county, and hopefully, to deter more hooligans from pulling the stunts they did on other good folks. By the end of the conversation, Arthur was ready to pass out again.

"Arthur, you listening?" Dutch asked, more amused than anything.

"Huh? Yeah... I mean I'm tryin'... Sorry gentlemen I think I need to lay back down." Arthur sighed, reaching up and rubbing his eyes.

"I figured, you've been in and out the last ten minutes." Hosea chuckled in good humor before standing. "I'll come to see you again soon, Arthur." He assured with a smile before taking his leave.

Dutch then stood up to help Arthur lay back down, carefully and doing whatever he could to keep Arthur comfortable in his grasp.

"How's The Count?" Arthur asked as he laid down, there was a brief but noticeable hitch in Dutch's actions, Arthur regretted asking immediately.

"He's... Well you know how he is, he's a fighter. It'll probably be a few weeks before it heals." He answered.

"How bad was it..?"

"... Bad." Dutch sighed, looking to the ground. "Stretches diagonally all the way down his damn nose."

"I'm sorry for asking." Arthur apologized, Dutch shook his head quickly once Arthur was completely laid down.

"It's alright... Again, I'm just grateful we got you back alive." Dutch reassured, taking Arthur's hand.

John's and Dutch's hands were so different and yet Arthur loved them both. Gulping at that realization he squeezed Dutch's hand and looked up to him.

"... You mind stayin' with me a while?" Arthur questioned.

"Of course, everything okay?" Dutch inquired back.

"Yeah... I just wanted you here." Arthur admitted. "I know you were probably secretly trying to peek in here when Miss Grimshaw and Abigal were fixing me up." He mused.

"... Guilty." Dutch confessed as well with a chuckle.

* * *

Over the next three weeks, Arthur had a bumpy road to recovery there were a few nights in the first week when Reverend Swanson stayed with him just in case he needed his last rights but thankfully once Arthur finally started to show signs of improvement, he only got better and better until for the first time in a month, Arthur sat up on his own with minimal pain, dressed himself without an issue and walked outside.

He had multiple visitors over his recovery many of whom just wanted to keep Arthur company, Hosea often sat in with Arthur while he was asleep reading a book peacefully, Abigail frequently visited him when he was awake, and she was just a flirtatious as ever, even John visited him regularly and stayed with him for a few hours when he did, and not once did they have a spat. When he was getting better and was sitting up more, Tilly often entertained him with dominoes and Mary-Beth talked with him while she had downtime and crocheted.

Lastly, of course, if there was no one to stop Arthur from succumbing to madness, there was always Dutch, _always... _And Arthur liked it. He hated to admit it but every moment he spent with Dutch only cemented his attraction for him, and despite that utterly annoying fact, at least he was able to get away now if needed.

"Arthur your up!" Abigail cheered once she saw him walking towards the pit, turning towards her and seeing her trotting towards him, Arthur couldn't help but smile.

"You knew I was gettin' up woman." Arthur chuckled as she hopped into his arms, hugging him tightly.

"Well I know but you haven't been _up _in so long! It makes me happy to see you, silly man." She giggled as Arthur set her down.

"Glad to see you up, Arthur." Hosea greeted from behind, coming around to Arthur's view.

"Same here... I thought that bullet might've finished me, to be honest." Arthur chuckled softly.

"Arthur! My son!" Dutch exulted theatrically as always, approaching Arthur and hugging him briefly but tightly.

"Yeah, yeah get it out now." Arthur snickered before he sat by Hosea, Dutch taking the seat across from them. "Where's John?" He questioned.

"He and Bill saw some of the bastards that hurt you, they went to go and confirm it." Abigail answered before she reached forward, her palm resting on Arthur's shoulder.

Arthur glanced up at her just in time for her to wink at him before walking away to give them some privacy. Looking back he grimaced when he saw Dutch and Hosea leering at him.

"Stop it." He warned immediately, to which they both chortled.

It was no secret that Arthur hadn't been with anyone in over a decade, and he planned on it forever, but as his eyes followed Abigail once she walked away his heart sputtered uncomfortably and he quickly looked away.

"Are we sure it's wise to send John and Bill alone? You and I were alone when we was ambushed..." Arthur murmured, swiftly changing the subject.

"I know, but I spoke with Amelia about them, she told me there wasn't a lot of 'em hold up, they got the drop on us, and they _never _will again." Dutch replied seriously.

"I still say we shoulda sent more than two people." Hosea sighed.

"God both of you now." Dutch groaned, rubbing his eyes.

"_Us_?" Arthur chuckled as he reached down to grab a cup of coffee.

Before Dutch could respond, whinny in the distance pulled their attention to it, just in time for John and Bill to get back. As John dismounted Gypsy and started walking towards them, he paused when he saw Arthur sitting with Dutch and Hosea, and for the first time in _years_... John smiled when he saw him and Arthur smiled back.

"The dead have risen." John chuckled, reaching forward and actually resting a palm on Arthur's shoulder.

"For now." Arthur snickered, looking up to John.

Arthur couldn't believe what he was seeing... Where did the broody moody John go? Even though he was shocked at John's pleasant attitude he decided to enjoy it while it lasted since he was sure he would irritate the younger man again for one reason or the next.

"How'd you two get on?" Hosea asked as Bill approached the lot.

"Amelia was right, there ain't a ton of 'em up there, the problem is there are only two accessible ways up the ridge." John explained.

"Could get dangerous if we get caught up in a fight..." Hosea murmured.

"Always the optimist, Hosea," Dutch commented. "We could use that to our advantage, think about it as they only have two ways of escape and if we cover both... We trap 'em." He explained, Arthur thought about it and hummed.

"That's... Not a bad idea, actually." He mentioned.

"Of course it's not, I came up with it." Dutch snickered, earning a chuckle from both Arthur and John. "How many?"

"No women or kids, looks to be a band of bout twenty." Bill replied, confirming Amelia's assumptions.

"They're a bunch'a drunks that don't know who they picked a fight with." John scoffed.

"We don't have a lot of manpower, Dutch, and with Arthur still recovering I still think this isn't a good idea..." Hosea opposed.

"Well, Virginia City is a cesspool of degenerates, I'm sure we could find some more guns." Dutch mused.

"Is it a good idea to be recruiting now? Ain't we tryin' to lay low?" Arthur asked curiously.

"We lost the law months ago, ain't no one followin' us through the woods. Now is as good a time as any." Dutch replied, Arthur weighed the options but eventually nodded.

"You're right." He affirmed.

"How many times do we have to go through this?" Dutch asked with an insufferable yet rather charming smirk.

"Shut up." Arthur laughed.

"So we're really gonna go lookin' for more people?" John asked.

"No, _we _are." Dutch replied, motioning to himself and Arthur, making John subtly roll his eyes.

"Now?" Arthur asked, arching a brow.

"You good to ride?" Dutch inquired.

"... I dunno actually, I'm still pretty sore." Arthur mumbled, frowning and reaching up to rest a hand on his closed wound.

"You could always take one of the wagons." Hosea reckoned.

"If ya'll are takin' the wagon can I come?" Abigail asked as she approached them again. "I can probably help get some information while ya'll are pokin' around." She explained.

"I dunno, what do you think, Arthur?" Dutch asked, though his tone hinted at playful amusement, Arthur turned his head back to Dutch and then back to Abigail.

She had a nervous smile plastered on her face from the slightly bold request, but Arthur shrugged and looked back to Dutch.

"Abigail has proved useful before, I say why not?" He asked, standing up and turning his body to face Abigail, a concerned look coming over his expression. "You gonna be okay? I don't want you to get beat on again."

"Hey, those idiots caught me off guard..." She huffed, folding her arms, Arthur quickly put his hands up.

"Alright, I ain't gonna win this fight." Arthur chuckled.

"Hey, if you're takin' her you're takin' us." Karen mused as she, Mary-Beth, and Tilly approached.

"Well let's get this hen house goin' then." Dutch snorted, the women cheering together before everyone started gathering at the wagon.

When Arthur looked at John again, he was watching Abigail walk toward the wagon, though his expression was neutral, Arthur could see the longing in his gaze... And despite knowing that he had no right to be jealous over _him _no less, he couldn't help the slight ache in his heart as he turned to walk away. The women all climbed in the back, Dutch hoisted himself into the driver's seat before quickly reaching his hand down to Arthur.

"Lemme help you up, brother." Dutch offered.

Despite wanting to reject the hand given to him for his pride's sake, Arthur didn't want worsen his already sore chest. His hand grasped Dutch's thankful that he received no painful pangs as he ascended, gently brushing by Dutch as he lowered himself into the passenger seat. Once everyone was settled and ready Dutch snapped the reigns, the wagon pulling out of camp.

> What if I wanted to break  
Laugh it all off in your face  
What would you do?  
What if I fell to the floor  
Couldn't take all this anymore  
What would you do, do, do?
> 
> Come, break me down  
Bury me, bury me  
I am finished with you
> 
> What if I wanted to fight  
Beg for the rest of my life  
What would you do?  
You say you wanted more  
What are you waiting for?  
I'm not running from you
> 
> Come, break me down  
Bury me, bury me  
I am finished with you  
Look in my eyes  
You're killing me, killing me  
All I wanted was you
> 
> I tried to be someone else  
But nothing seemed to change  
I know now, this is who I really am inside  
I've finally found myself  
Fighting for a chance  
I know now, this is who I really am
> 
> Come, break me down  
Bury me, bury me  
I am finished with you, you, you  
Look in my eyes  
You're killing me, killing me  
All I wanted was you
> 
>   
Come, break me down  
Break me down  
Break me down
> 
> What if I wanted to break  
What if I, what if I, what if I (bury me, bury me)
> 
> source: [The Kill by Thirty Seconds to Mars](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JjPIOuFtWAI)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, sorry for the small pause in updates, I'm kinda going through a little funk with my depression which makes writing EXTREMELY difficult. I have no intention on going on hiatus or anything but for now, updates may be restricted to once a week as opposed to multiple times a week for the time being. Thank you all for being patient hopefully this fog will lift soon. <3  
-Eros


	11. Chapter 11

The ride into town was enough for Arthur to forget about his soreness, the girls were a help with that as well. They laughed, sang, talked... Dutch would occasionally look over at him with a smile of nothing other than what could be described love. For once, a nice reminder about their growing family, it had been a while since he had seen such a warmth in Dutch's eyes, it made Arthur happy, but when his eyes met Dutch's a second time, that familiar discomfort prodded at the back of his mind, he always seemed to get lost in Dutch's eyes, even with a gaggle of fine women behind him.

Clearing his throat and looking forward once more he made sure not to look over again. His relationship with Dutch was too precious to fuck up, why couldn't he be fucking normal? Why did he have to feel like this..? It wasn't normal to feel this about other men, he _was _a fucking freak... Feeling what he felt about John was one thing, but he knew once he paid for his first male prostitute that this wasn't about John... It was about _himself._

When they pulled into town, Arthur was quick to get off the wagon to avoid looking at Dutch for as long as he could. Walking around he offered a hand to the women as Dutch looked over his map. As Abigail's hand gently clasped his own, it was like a dark veil had lifted from Arthur, blinking he glanced up to meet her sparkling cobalt hues, she blushed and smiled as she climbed down.

"Why thank you, Mister Morgan." She simpered, Arthur couldn't help but smile, she was so damn cute.

"You're welcome, Miss Roberts." He replied, not exactly minding when she didn't let go of his hand right away.

She seemed nervous suddenly as if there was something she wanted to say. Her face was bright red but she flipped her hair fluidly to try and preserve some of her dignity.

"... If you get done in a reasonable time, you wanna spend time together?" She asked.

Arthur was _floored_... Was she really asking him out? His anxieties about the situation wanted to say no but as if his body moved on it's own, he smirked as he carefully pulled her closer.

"... You sure you wanna be seen in public with me?" He inquired playfully, she groaned, gently shooing his hands away from her.

"Oh go away." She snickered as she tried moving out of Arthur's arms, but Arthur's hand quickly caught her by the waist, his head leaning down to her ear.

"I'm just kidding," He chuckled. "I'd love to." He added, her smile vanished but her looked seemed one of surprise, her blush returned quickly as did her shy smile.

"... Me too." She replied, her eyes shifting up to Arthur's, they were close and Arthur wanted nothing more than to kiss her, but as Abigail began leaning in-

"Look at the two love birds over there!" Karen teased. "Hurry up Abigail!"

"Karen!" Mary-Beth chided.

Now it was Arthur's turn to blush, he hated people knowing his business, he pulled away as did Abigail as she flashed an apologetic smile up at him.

"Sorry, the girls and I are gonna hit up the saloons. Come find me when ya'll are done." She said, sending a wink at him before turning and departing with the girls, her fingers slipping away from his.

What Arthur didn't know was that he had another onlooker, Dutch had come around the wagon about a minute prior while Arthur was flirting with Abigail, and he saw it. He should've been happy for Arthur... He knew losing Mary hit the younger man _hard_, he should've been happy and supporting what was going on right in front of him but for some reason, a coldness swept over his body like a tidal wave as if he was struck, he _almost _reeled back. Dutch quickly averted his gaze to spare himself any more hurt but what he didn't understand was _why _he felt hurt overseeing Arthur obviously having a connection with Abigail.

When Abigail finally walked away after what felt like forever, Dutch finally turned his gaze back over to Arthur as he watched her walk off with the other girls.

"... You really like her, don't you?" Dutch asked, a tad more somberly than he was proud of, Arthur glanced over.

"... I dunno." Arthur murmured honestly. "I think so... I'm just..." He mumbled, Dutch shook his head before reaching forward, clapping his hand on Arthur's shoulder.

"I get it, son... All I'm gonna say is don't hold yourself back from loving someone again." He advised.

"What about you?" Arthur asked, but he immediately regretted the question, he wasn't thinking when he asked. "I-I'm sorry I didn't mean-"

"It's alright." Dutch chuckled softly, but despite his words, an emptiness consumed Dutch's eyes, an emptiness that always scared the _hell _out of Arthur. "... I don't even know where to start there." He chuckled almost tiredly before walking forward, leading Arthur, who didn't dare ask further questions.

He couldn't believe he had just asked that... Arthur felt like the biggest asshole on Earth, but he was glad that Dutch didn't take offense to the question, he truly didn't mean anything malicious. As they walked, Arthur often glanced over at Dutch, his expression didn't seem any different as they walked down the street. Arthur didn't want to speak again, he didn't want to fuck anything else up.

"... You got any plans?" He finally managed to mutter.

"Not yet." Dutch replied.

Arthur continued walking side-by-side with Dutch until a familiar figure caught his eye, turning his attention to his left he could see the men who had threatened Abigail before... He wasn't sure if they were the ones who beat her up but he could only assume they were working for Beckett. Arthur quickly but gently elbowed Dutch's arm.

"Hey... Those guys over there, when me and John came to get more information from Abigail... Those guys interrupted us, threatened us. They work for the corrupt police chief." He whispered to Dutch.

"You think they could have information..?" Dutch asked softly as they stopped on a street corner, Arthur turned away to keep himself from being recognized, glancing back once in a while.

"Maybe... We should follow 'em." Arthur replied.

"Good idea." Dutch praised before nodding forward. "Let's go then."

Arthur turned around to see the pair beginning to walk away from them. He knew that getting in a physical confrontation was not doable in his current state. He was still too sore and was still recovering from his most recent injury, he didn't want to be on death's door again so soon. Weaving through people, Arthur and Dutch kept up with the two men, keeping about twenty feet between them for good measure until they turned down an alley. Speeding up to a jog, Arthur and Dutch approached the corner, peeking to see them round the corner down said alley.

Getting out of their cover, the two veterans trotted down the alley but as Arthur heard faint whispers up ahead he slowed and put a finger to his lips, looking to Dutch before the two got close to the wall, sliding down until they were at the corner, their targets were right around the corner.

"The only one left is Roberts."

"Shit... Beckett wants the payments by five."

"No shit... You think she ran?"

"I dunno, it would make sense I told you not to punch her."

"Shut up the bitch deserved it for running her mouth."

"Yeah well if we don't find her by this evening we're both screwed."

"Wait a minute don't we have that fuckin' wetback?"

"Oh yeah... Escuella... Never liked them Mexicans."

Arthur furrowed his brows before looking to Dutch, wondering if Dutch was still interested in following them. When his leader nodded forward Arthur carefully glanced around the corner, watching the two strangers beginning to walk away once more. They had one last debtor to _collect_ from before Abigail. Poor bastards...

The two followed the assailants for almost twenty minutes to darkside where the less fortunate people seemed to survive. Arthur was almost convinced that following these assholes was a waste of time when they happened on a dilapidated shack. Arthur and Dutch stayed back, watching from behind another hollow house... One man pounded on the door.

"Escuella! Open the door!" an assertive voice yelled, when no one answered the door they pounded again.

"U-Uh, n-no eh-speak english!" Someone said sputtered.

"I'm not buying that bullshit a second time get out here!"

Without warning the door was kicked open and the two men ran inside where the commotion was quick to follow.

"Shit, c'mon." Dutch whispered and darted from cover.

"W-What!? Dutch!" Arthur barked but followed as Dutch ducked into the house.

The two tough men had the Hispanic man on the ground and were already beating him to a pulp when Dutch and Arthur ran inside, upon recognizing Arthur one of the men gasped.

"Shit run!" He yelled and without warning, dove out the back door while the other man was confused enough for Dutch to tackle him to the ground.

Arthur made the split decision to run after the other man despite knowing that if the other man decided to fight rather than run he would be in for a rough night... But he followed relentlessly, watching as the rugged man shoved people aside and knocked things over to get away from Arthur and while the brunette man wasn't the most flexible or fluid, he managed to keep up with the man until he ran down a dead end. Arthur panted but knowing he won, he slowed to a walk as the man turned to face him.

"Shit." The man growled.

"Calm down no one has to get hurt here." Arthur groaned. "Goddammit, why'd you make me chase you?" He huffed.

"Why'd you run after me?"

"You ran first!"

Arthur took a moment to catch his breath as the man in front of him realize he was trapped, and thankfully for the first time in a long time, Arthur's appearance seemed to deter this man from fighting him one-on-one. Straightening up and gathering himself, he walked toward the man who backed up until he was back against the wall of the alley.

"Who the hell do you work for?" Arthur asked with a frown, quickly reaching down and pulling out his revolver to discourage this man from either lying or trying to run again.

"I don't know what you're talkin' about friend." The man murmured, Arthur didn't spare a moment before smacking the man across the face with the butt of his gun, sending him to the floor.

Arthur stood over the man before beginning to kick his side as he recalled how beaten up and bloody Abigail was when he happened upon her. If he hadn't she could have died... He slammed his foot into the man over and over again before the man was a twitching, writhing mess beneath him, he reeled his foot back and readied to kick the stranger again, watching him cower.

"_Who do you work for!?_" Arthur snarled venomously. "You bullshit me again partner, I swear I'll kill ya."

"Ch-Chief Beckett!" The man squealed, stilling Arthur's foot.

"Why?" Arthur inquired.

"C-Cause I ain't got no money, mister..." The man whimpered pathetically. "H-He loans money out to people... And sends us to collect on his behalf." The man explained shakily, Abigail was correct in what she told Arthur, but the man piqued his interest when he pulled out a ledger and holding it out to him "T-Take it I can't do it no more!"

Arthur arched a brow at the trembling man beneath him with skepticism at first but he slowly reached forward and took the book, continuing to point his gun at the man before flipping it open briefly. There were records of names, the amount of money owed, the amount of money people had already paid... It seemed everyone in town owed the chief.

"What's your name?" Arthur asked.

"Jeremy Fitzgerald..." The man replied, Arthur paused before flipping through the book and looking through the names, low and behold there was a _Jeremy Fitzgerald and Kin_ listed.

"... You know Abigail Roberts?"Arthur then asked, the man hesitantly nodded, watching as Arthur tore the page out with his name on it with confusion. "There... Your debt is cleared... You leave her alone... You hear me, Jeremy Fitzgerald?" He questioned, taking a step toward the man as he picked himself up off the ground, the other gulped and nodded quickly to Arthur's satisfaction. "Good man... Now go, get outta town." He instructed.

"You're letting me go?" The man asked.

"You gotta problem with that?" Arthur asked back.

"N-No! Not at all... Um... Th-Thank you, sir."

"Don't thank me, go." Arthur ordered.

Watching the man meander around him carefully before scampering off Arthur sighed, that went a lot better than it could have. Arthur reached up and rested a hand on his pec as he started walking back toward where he had left Dutch. After a short five minute walk, he slinked back into the house where Dutch was standing next to the Hispanic man they had saved from a severe beating.

"Ah, there he is now." Dutch mused as Arthur walked inside. "How'd you get on?"

"Good... Look what the limp bastard coughed up." Arthur replied, tossing Dutch the book.

Dutch snagged the book in the air and opened it quickly, Arthur had to resist the urge to smile as he saw Dutch's eyes light up with the hope they desperately needed. This was vital information, Dutch continued flipping through pages, the registry contained the dues from their _clients_, the records of how much money they had illegally stolen, and accounts of names that Dutch assumed were apart of the higher society of Virginia City... The people who got a cut of this fortune.

"... There's gotta be ten grand down there." Dutch marveled softly, even surprising Arthur.

"It says that?" He asked, watching Dutch look to him with a serious expression and nodded, but as the older man recalled the beaten up Mexican to him, he cleared his throat.

"Forgive my rudeness, Arthur, this fine gentleman right here is Javier, Javier this is my most trusted brother, Arthur." Dutch introduced.

"Thanks for saving my ass back there... Javier Escuella." The stranger greeted tiredly, standing and rubbing his jaw before holding out a hand to Arthur.

"Arthur Morgan... Pleasure is mine." Arthur greeted casually enough and took the offered hand, shaking it firmly.

"I was just tellin' Mister Escuella about how we was lookin' for another gun in our party." Dutch commented, making Arthur look back over to Javier more curiously.

"... Can you handle yourself? We had to save you after all." Arthur mentioned, arching a brow.

"Hey, you didn't _have _to do anything. I coulda handled them gringo." Javier scoffed.

"You coulda, huh?" Arthur chuckled.

"Look, cabrón, I can ride a horse and shoot a gun... They jumped me, you want me or not?"

Arthur looked over Javier, Arthur had no prejudice against Hispanics nor African Americans, it was society's problem, not his. Something about Javier called out to Arthur, despite his slightly fiery persona, there was something deep down that told Arthur that Javier was a good selection. He looked to Dutch and shrugged, but nodded.

"Why not? Give him a chance to prove he can shoot a gun." Arthur hummed.

"Agreed... I think we deserve a drink boys, Arthur, how's your..?" Dutch inquired motioning to Arthur's chest.

"Okay, the maggot I chased down was too scared to take a swing." Arthur chortled as the three men sauntered out of the shack that Javier previously called home.

* * *

After another few hours of loitering in numerous saloons and not finding any more information useful to their cause, Arthur glanced at his watch and recalled Abigail's invite. He mulled it over in his mind but as he glanced over to Dutch laughing and carrying on with Javier, his smile that framed his cheekbones perfectly... Arthur abruptly stood.

"I think you fellas got it from here." Arthur chuckled softly as he turned away, Dutch turned his attention to Arthur quickly.

"Wait, where are you going?" He asked, Arthur paused before he glanced back to Dutch.

"Gonna go catch up with the girls." He replied.

"The girls huh?" Dutch snickered with a small smirk, watching Arthur's cheeks darken.

"Alright, you caught me." He huffed.

Despite the teasing tone, when he met Dutch's eyes once more... They seemed somber, maybe even sad? It confused Arthur because Dutch's had a rather shit-eating grin at the moment. It really threw Arthur off for a moment he didn't even hear the next few taunts thrown his way, but what he did hear:

"... Go, son. You earned it." Dutch finally said before turning back to the bar with Javier.

Arthur blinked and shook his head briefly as he took a step away from the two men, part of him wanted to stay behind, figure out what was going through Dutch's head... But he turned away and walked out the door.

Arthur felt a huge weight lift from his shoulders once he was outside, he sighed in relief as he considered which bar the women would go to. He was sure Abigail probably wouldn't show her face much around darkside, so he figured he would start at the lower tier bars in the higher part of town... A happy medium, and while Arthur knew there were a _ton _of bars in this godforsaken city, he was nearly ready to give up after about an hour of consistent searching.

"Arthur!"

He never expected to be so excited to hear someone's voice until he turned around to see Abigail trotting towards him with the other girls close in tow. Arthur sighed in relief, unable to help the small smile that broke out on his face as Abigail beamed up her sweet smile up at him.

"I was gettin' ready to send the dogs out for ya, ladies." He mused, subtly offering an arm to Abigail, which she took without question.

"Sorry, we actually just walked outta there and saw the boutique down the way there, we had to check it out." Mary-Beth explained.

"What were you up to, _Arthur_?" Tilly asked, wiggling her brows at Arthur as she saw him and Abigail get rather close rather quickly.

"Oh you know, the usual rough and tumble of an outlaw's life... But I'm stealing Abigail now." He admitted, seeing a surprised look come across Abigail's face as she looked up at him.

"Really?" She asked.

"If you want me to." He replied smoothly.

"Oh get a room you two, come on girls, let's go before they spread their lovey-dovey crap." Karen groaned as she quickly started walking away from them.

"Have fun!" Mary-Beth mused, sending a wink to the couple before following Tilly and Karen.

Arthur's head leaned back in exasperation, he was now convinced that he was single because of his _family_. Despite the slight embarrassment, he felt Abigail's arm tighten around his own and he looked down to her... And all of his negative feelings were gone.

"Well, how was your day, Miss Roberts?" Arthur asked as he started leading them in the opposite direction, strolling slowly to relish every moment.

"Well, eventful. Those girls are just the type I expected to be runnin' with ya'll." She giggled, laughing more as she saw a false offense look come over Arthur's face.

"Whoa there!" He snickered.

"I'm just kiddin' of course... I've never really had friends. When you're strugglin' to survive, socializing just isn't a priority." She explained.

"I get that. If I hadn't met Dutch or Hosea... Well I'd probably be dead." he said almost in astonishment himself, he had never really considered what his life would be life without his two cherished mentors.

"No kidding?" Abigail asked with shock.

"Yeah... I met them when I was thirteen, I was angry and a delinquent... Still, haven't quite paid them back for dealin' with me." He chortled.

"I bet you were worth the trouble." Abigail remarked, watching as Arthur stopped and turned towards her with a wry smile.

"You think so?" He asked.

"Don't push your luck." She giggled.

They walked and talked for god knows how long, the shadows had definitely gotten longer. Arthur couldn't remember talking and laughing with anyone for a long time... He didn't even laugh like this with Mary, he treasured her dearly but Abigail was completely different in a good way. Eventually, her hand slipped from his bicep to his palm and Arthur was surprised when he didn't want to pull away, he intertwined their fingers and continued walking.

"I needed this." Abigail mentioned as a content silence took over them as they walked.

"Yeah?" Arthur inquired.

"Yeah... Hey, um... I know a nice park near here, I could do with a rest, what about you?" She asked almost sheepishly.

"Sure, lead the way." Arthur mused, and a ten-minute walk later they strolled into what he could consider the _prettiest _place he had ever been, not that _that _held any value.

The park was adorned with the season's flowers and there were fountains and a small man-made pond. With the sun beginning to sink into the late afternoon, it was surely a sight and both Abigail and Arthur took a bench that was in a lesser populated area of the park right next to the waterside.

"I ain't ever been to a place like this." Arthur mentioned.

"Really?" Abigail asked with a small smile.

"Yeah... Though I suppose that ain't a surprise." He chuckled, looking over to her and watching her shake her head, a sudden nervous demeanor came over her and she gulped.

"... You ever been married, Arthur?" She asked suddenly, though seeing the question obviously make Arthur uncomfortable she frowned. "I-If it's too personal-"

"Nah it ain't that." Arthur intervened calmly as he looked back out to the water. "... We was young and I loved her but she wanted to change me." He sighed, Abigail furrowed her brows.

"How so?"

"... She wanted me to give up the life, ya know? I had to ask myself what I loved more... Her or the gang." He murmured.

"I don't think it was that." Abigail huffed, catching Arthur slightly by surprise and grabbing his attention. "... Forgive me since I obviously don't know her but... It's wrong to say you love someone but expect them to give up everything _they _love in return." She explained, Arthur hummed.

"I dunno... I think when I chose the gang she chose her family over me... I can't expect her to choose me when I can't do the same." He mentioned.

"Fair enough I suppose."

"You ain't tellin' me somethin' right?" Arthur then asked, arching a serious brow at her, watching her snicker.

"No, of course not... I-I just... Well..." She murmured, fidgeting slightly.

"Abigail..." Arthur stated, reaching over and taking her hand. "What's wrong?"

"... You." Abigail giggled softly but frowned. "N-Not that you're doin' anything wrong... I-I just... Ya'll have been so kind to me... And I really like you."

A cold hard rock started building in Arthur's chest, he was frightened about where this was going...

"And I don't want you to think I'm sneakin' around or tryin' to string anyone along... I like you a lot-"

"Is this about John?" Arthur interrupted, Abigail paused but she nodded.

"I'm not used to bein' tied down is all..." She sighed.

Relief flooded through Arthur's veins, he liked Abigail... Maybe even a little more than _like_, but he wasn't ready to commit to anyone yet let alone her and he was afraid she was trying to tie _him _down.

"Look... Even if I wanted to tie you down... Trust me, you have better options." Arthur chuckled, smiling as Abigail bumped his arm gently. "I get what you're sayin'... I'm here for whatever you want me for." He mentioned, looking over to meet her gaze, watching the relief wash over her too.

"Thank you, Arthur... I'm sorry I didn't wanna cause prob-"

Arthur leaned in quickly, pressing his lips against hers. He didn't know where the sudden boldness came from, but Abigail melted into it, reaching up and caressing Arthur's cheek before he pulled back slowly.

"You don't got nothin' to apologize for." He stated, knowing full well the bad blood between him and John was _his _fault and not Abigail's, besides they weren't even sure if she was staying with them permanently.

"... Do you think we could... Ya know, spend some time together later?" She asked, the batting of her eyelashes telling Arthur that he was going to get laid.

"Of course." He replied a little too eagerly for his liking.

"Then we should probably go meet everyone back at the wagon, how long have we been gone?" She asked as Arthur pulled out his watch.

"Oh, shit it's almost five." He replied.

"We've been talking for two hours!?" She gasped.

"Suppose so." Arthur mused as he stood and offered a hand to her. "... I'd like to do it again even if you did most of the talkin'." He admitted, seeing Abigail smile and take his hand.

"... I'd love to, Arthur."

* * *

As Abigail and Arthur returned to the wagon where everyone was already waiting about fifteen minutes after five, Arthur could already tell the girls were exhausting Javier. Arthur carefully helped Abigail into the back before he climbed into the passenger side next to Dutch, catching sight of Dutch slightly glaring at his watch and then resting that glare onto him.

"Was gettin' ready to go lookin' for you," He commented dryly. "You're late." Dutch added as he snapped the reins.

"Yeah, I-I'm sorry the time got away from us." Arthur apologized.

"You know Arthur, I have no problem with you fraternizing with the women, but this ain't gonna be a problem in the future right?" Dutch asked, completely catching Arthur off guard, when he left Dutch they were on good terms, did something happen while he was gone?

"Of course not." Arthur quickly defused.

"We'll see." Dutch scoffed.

"Jesus, alright I'm sorry." Arthur assured, thankful that the other in the back were talking amongst themselves enough not to hear the awkward tension upfront.

Dutch didn't speak again as they continued riding back toward camp, Arthur would look over at Dutch occasionally rode, wondering if he was really pissed off about Arthur being late or if it was something else.

"You alright?" Arthur finally managed to ask.

"Fine, why do you ask?" Dutch asked, his tone a tad strained like he was _trying _to be nice.

"Well... You just seem... Off." Arthur muttered, picking his words carefully.

"I'm perfectly fine, Arthur." Dutch said shortly, and Arthur suspected that if he pressed the issue there would be consequences, so he just shrugged and looked forward for the rest of the awkward ride home as Dutch left Arthur questioning what had suddenly changed...

> You gave me a shoulder when I needed it  
You showed the love when I wasn't feeling it  
You helped me fight when I was giving in  
You you made me laugh when I was losing it
> 
> 'Cause you are, you are  
The reason why I'm still hanging on  
'Cause you are, you are  
The reason why my head is still above water  
And if I could ide get you the moon I give it to you  
And if I could I'd get you the moon  
And give it to you  
And if death was coming for you  
I'd give my life for you
> 
> 'Cause you are, you are  
The reason why I'm still hanging on  
'Cause you are, you are  
The reason why my head is still above water  
And if I could I'd get you the moon  
And give it to you  
And if death was coming for you  
I'd give my life for you
> 
> 'Cause you are, you are  
Oh you are  
Oh you are  
You are...
> 
> 'Cause you are, you are  
The reason why I'm still hanging on  
'Cause you are, you are  
The reason why my head is still above water  
And if I could I'd get you the moon  
And give it to you  
And if death was coming for you  
I'd give my life for you
> 
> source: [Get You The Moon by Kina feat. Snow](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I2AYYQLOob0)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, guys so just a small update on how I'm doing and unfortunately it's not great news. I'll keep this short because I don't like whining about my problems lmao. Some of you may know this but if not, I have Celiac Disease, a rather aggressive form that literally makes me sick EVERY SINGLE DAY (yes even if I avoid foods that cause a reaction), literally, and this past week has been just horrible. I was sicker than I have been in months and when I get sick, writing is out of the question I can barely manage not passing out let alone typing. I'm seeming to slowly get better so hopefully I can get back to posting more regularly soon, just bear with me and thank you for all the lovely words of encouragement on my last chapter, thank you guys so much. <3  
-Eros


	12. Chapter 12

As weeks went by, things began getting stranger and stranger with Arthur and Dutch. Arthur could have sworn something was just... Not right with them, but whenever he confronted Dutch or even spoke to him on a casual level, nothing seemed to be amiss and yet Arthur always seemed to leave their conversations feeling... Unfulfilled?

Speaking of unfulfilled, he hadn't spoken much with John since their last heart-to-heart and he figured it was on purpose... Arthur was certain that Abigail was seeing both himself and John, which didn't bother him personally, but with he and John's history, he had no clue what was going through the young man's head and it scared him, to say the least.

Thankfully at the moment, most everyone was more concerned about the heist that Dutch was still _insistent_ on going through with.

"Dutch there _has _to be a better way to make some money here." Hosea urged as Dutch and Arthur walked towards their mounts.

"Then what is it, my friend? I would _love _to hear your opinion on a better score." Dutch scoffed in reply and quickly turned towards Hosea, stopping in him in his tracks and when Hosea didn't reply, Dutch nodded. "That's what I thought." He murmured and turned back to the horses.

"Arthur, come on!" Hosea argued, desperately trying to change Dutch's mind.

If Arthur wasn't walking on eggshells with Dutch currently he probably would have agreed with Hosea to a point, this plan was crazy. However, despite both Hosea's eyes and Dutch's glare landing on him, he found himself in the middle of yet another spat between mom and dad. He opened his mouth to speak but it ended up shutting, his hand awkwardly coming up to rub the back of his neck.

"If you two are done doubting me, let's go, Arthur." Dutch huffed as he mounted The Count, whose nose had scarred over beautifully.

Arthur hesitated, sending an apologetic look to Hosea, knowing he owed the old man for that, but he climbed up onto The Admiral and nodded to Dutch silently. The two rode toward town in tense silence, Arthur hated feeling like he was on the outside with Dutch, it hurt more than words could express but no matter how much he tried he couldn't get underneath Dutch's armor.

"You've been quiet." Dutch commented, slightly arching a brow over at the younger man beside him.

"I-I... Well, that was just a little..." Arthur murmured.

"Awkward?" Dutch asked with a small frown, glancing over to Arthur and watching him nod, Dutch sighed. "I'm sorry."

"It's okay." Arthur replied, already feeling a ton lighter.

"No, it's not... I just... I need you on my side, alright?" Dutch asked seriously.

"Of course, Dutch. Always." Arthur assured.

"Hosea just... He doesn't see the big picture anymore, not like you and me... Maybe that's not fair to say." Dutch muttered.

"Give him some time, he'll get back into the saddle. You can't blame him for being nervous, Dutch." Arthur explained.

"I know, you think I'm _not_? I keep going over the plan in my head, looking for safer routes, wondering what's going to happen, wondering who can possibly die, trust me, Arthur. _I think about it._" Dutch sneered, making Arthur wince slightly.

"I trust you Dutch." Arthur affirmed.

Dutch seemed to simmer down a bit, his gaze softening before he looked back over to Arthur. He shook his head, reaching up and rubbing his eyes in an exhausted manner.

"I shouldn't be yellin' at you... You're the only one who's always been on my side. I need to remember that." Dutch stated seriously. "I can't wait for this to be over." He groaned.

"Dutch van der Linde? Nervous over a job?" Arthur teased gently, Dutch chuckled, _truly _smiling at Arthur for the first time in weeks, for a split second Arthur could see into Dutch but as soon as it appeared it vanished, and the mask returned.

"Very." Dutch replied honestly as hooves went from drumming on the dirt to clacking on the pavement.

"You still haven't told me what we're doin' here." Arthur mentioned.

"Meeting an informant." Dutch hinted subtly.

"We need more?"

"Trust me, this one has important information." Dutch mused, effectively silencing Arthur for now.

Arthur wasn't sure why Dutch was being so secretive, but as they weaved through traffic and traversed twenty minutes through the streets, riding all the way to the other side of town, Dutch eventually stopped at a guarded gate, making Arthur _extremely _uncomfortable.

"Who are you here for?" A guard asked.

"We're guests of Josiah Trelawny." Dutch replied, confusing Arthur even further.

"Come in, gentlemen, no trouble." The guard warned as the gates to a mansion.

"You ain't tellin' me this is Trelawny's _house _are you?" Arthur asked softly as he and Dutch slowly rode up the driveway.

"No, I don't even think he has a house... He goes wherever the money is good... This is a friend of Trelawny." Dutch explained quietly.

Once they were up to the house and dismounting their horses, there were butlers lining up to open the door for them. Arthur flashed an uncomfortable glance to Dutch before they walked into the ornate building. Arthur thought the bank they planned on robbing was fancy this was... Almost overwhelming.

"Gentlemen!" The familiar croon of the slippery Josiah Trelawny echoed from down the hall.

"How are you, my friend? Long-time no see." Dutch exulted, embracing Trelawny briefly.

"How the hell are you, Trelawny? Ain't seen you in... God, before the woods." Arthur mentioned, not having realized it had been months.

"Trelawny and I have been corresponding since shortly after we arrived here." Dutch mentioned.

"I would love to catch up with you boys but trust me now isn't the time, we don't wanna keep our guest waiting..." Trelawny mused and quickly ushered them down the main hall into a sitting room where a blonde woman sat. "Gentlemen, allow me to introduce you to Lady Ivy Winters..."

The woman's hair was tied up in an elegant bun and while her dress was simple in design Arthur would have wagered that she had paid fifty dollars for it. There was a fan in her hand, gently waving air towards her face as a butler poured tea. Despite her look being soft, her aura exuded power and her sharp eyes looked over Dutch and Arthur as if she was aiming at them.

"Ivy is just fine, dear." Ivy addressed, her voice was deep yet it was feminine and ran off her lips like silk, she was an imposing character.

"The pleasure is all ours... I'm-"

"Dutch van der Linde, I know exactly who you are." Ivy divulged, completely throwing Dutch off guard, he didn't like people knowing who he was, her piercing green eyes then landed on Arthur. "And you're Arthur Morgan... Mister Van der Linde's most trusted right hand I presume?"

Arthur didn't answer, his body was stiff and the air was tense, Dutch swallowed dryly as he thought about the way to respond, glancing to Trelawny who nodded quietly he took a breath.

"I see you've done some reading on us." Dutch replied just as confidently before, taking a seat with Trelawny and Arthur across from Miss Winters.

"I like to know which criminals are in my town... Look I didn't invite you here to insult you, nor to pretend that I don't know who you are and what you're doing here. Lucky for you, my idiot brother-in-law and Chief of Police Howard Beckett doesn't know you are here yet." She disclosed.

The tension in the room immediately skyrocketed as she mentioned being related to the man tormenting the town with the police force. This whole situation was... Completely and utterly odd and if someone had told Arthur he would be here today he would have laughed in their face.

"... So, what are we doing here?" Dutch asked, cutting to the chase.

"Straight to business, I like that," Ivy noted. "Look, he knows you plan on robbing him."

"I'm sorry? We have no intentions on-"

"I did not bring you here to insult your intelligence, do not insult mine." Ivy intervened with a frown. "You took the black book, of course, something would be awry." She explained, making Arthur frown. "I brought you here to warn you and to help you."

"Beg your pardon?" Dutch asked, completely dumbfounded.

"You want us to rob your brother?" Arthur questioned just as confused.

"That man is _not _my brother." Ivy spat, seeming to take a small breath before continuing. "He married my sister... My motivation behind this is not your concern, all you need to know is that with him alive you will never see that fortune."

"Whoa whoa, you're soundin' like you're asking us to perform a hit on the Chief of Police." Dutch chuckled but as he saw the serious expression on the woman in front of him he frowned. "... I hate to impose, but this is a _big _demand, I have to ask why."

Ivy's face briefly scrunched up, turning her head away as she sat in thought for a moment before she took a breath and turned her expression back to the men in front of her.

"He's my brother by marriage... He beats my sister and he knows I have it out for him." She divulged, Arthur and Dutch frowned in unison. "... One of these days he _will_ kill her. Look, going after that treasure in the bank is suicide, I can't offer as much as what's down there as I don't have access to it but if you do this for me I will owe you and I _always _pay my debts." She explained.

"What if we could find a way inside..? Could you offer as much then?" Arthur piped up, Dutch glanced over but remembering Amelia he nodded.

"... Perhaps, there's no way you'll get all that money outta there in one piece there's just too much, but if you can find me a way to access it down there, I can use the chaos of his death to take it. I have the resources that you don't." Ivy stated, but seeing a hard look on Dutch's visage she continued. "I know this was not what you were expecting, I don't care about who you are as long as you do what you're supposed to, Josiah here vouched for you and I trust his judgment... You don't have to decide right now, but next week, I'm hosting a party here... Should you decide to play my hand, I will see you there." Ivy concluded.

"Thank you for seeing us on such short notice, my dear." Trelawny said graciously.

"Of course, darling... I should be the one thanking you." Ivy mused as Trelawny somewhat herded Dutch and Arthur out of the room.

The small band of men walked down the grand hall towards the entrance, Dutch and Arthur reeling from the conversation that was just had, even Dutch seemed shocked at the turn of events.

"Come on, gentlemen, we can talk more once we're on the open road." Trelawny whispered to them as they neared the horses.

"You coulda given us some warning." Arthur grumbled once they cantered out of the gates, only when they were free of ears did the conversation continue.

"What the hell _was _that?" Dutch asked.

"I'm sorry, I know you two have plenty of questions. I would have been more specific but Lady Ivy controls the city, anything said about her, she'll know about it and I didn't want to risk ruining this before it began." Trelawny explained.

"You haven't even said what _this _is!" Arthur groaned.

"Is she trustworthy?" Dutch inquired.

"Yes, I've known her since I was a boy. If I had a doubt I wouldn't have wasted your time." Trelawny affirmed. "I know she's a bit... Abrasive, but it's how she got this far... She isn't married." Trelawny mused.

"Really?" Arthur asked with surprise.

"Yes, all her fortune was made by herself. She's incredibly smart." Trelawny mentioned.

"You almost sound sweet on her." Dutch chuckled.

"God no, I don't have to be attracted to her to respect her... She commands it." Trelawny chuckled and as the three came to a fork in the road the company came to a stop, Josiah turned towards Arthur and Dutch. "Despite her personality, she never goes back on a deal... I know you gentlemen were having some reservations about the bank, this is the next best thing... If you decide to go with this, let me know and I'll accompany you, but until then."

Josiah gently tipped his hat towards Arthur and Dutch before he took his road back towards downtown, the two men sat there for a moment as the situation played over for them. It was almost surreal.

"Well, that was certainly... Interesting." Dutch commented.

"That's one way to put it... What're you thinkin'?" Arthur asked as the two guided their horses on the path home, allowing them to walk so they could converse easily.

"It's tempting... Trelawny vouched for her and for us I think it's safe to assume she's trustworthy but I'm trying to figure out what is more dangerous, goin' after that bank or goin' after the chief of police." Dutch chuckled tiredly.

"Well, I'm sure she'll help us out somehow, she probably knows where he lives... We should talk it over with Hosea and John." Arthur suggested.

"I think that's a good idea." Dutch replied.

Arthur glanced over at Dutch, that familiar feeling of something missing returned and his gut clenched uncomfortably. He wasn't sure exactly what made him speak but it was as if he couldn't stop himself.

"... You wanna race?" He asked and as Dutch looked over, seeing that playful flash go through Dutch's dark eyes warmed Arthur's heart like no other.

"I'd hate to embarrass you, boy." He replied smoothly.

"Boy?" Arthur chortled.

"I mean, what else are you?" Dutch inquired, watching Arthur smirk.

"So then race me, old man." Arthur snickered.

"Fine, three, two, one!" Dutch barked before the two began kicking their horses quickly.

While The Count was smaller than The Admiral by a few hands, he was a swift horse, but The Admiral's stamina was nearly unbeatable. Dutch pulled ahead quickly in the beginning, both men whooping and laughing as their horses galloped down the country path.

"I thought I taught you better than this Arthur!" Dutch howled.

"You just wait, old man!" Arthur replied, kicking The Admiral again.

Slowly but surely, Arthur began catching up, pulling up directly to Dutch's side, flashing a smirk at him as he started to pull ahead. Dutch continued to kick The Count as the camp came closer and closer. However, The Admiral's stamina eventually took over, Arthur continued to pull ahead until they pulled back on their reins once they arrived back at camp.

"What was that about embarrassment?" Arthur asked with a grin as they guided their panting horses to the hitching post.

"Don't let it get to your head too much, if it had been just a bit of a shorter dash I woulda had you." Dutch chuckled, climbing down from The Count watching Arthur do the same.

"Yeah, you just don't last as long as you used to." Arthur snickered, tying his horse down.

"You wanna find out?" Dutch asked, catching Arthur completely off guard once more.

Arthur snapped his head in Dutch's direction, he hadn't realized that Dutch was next to him. Despite Arthur hoping he had heard wrong, when he met Dutch's eyes there was that _familiar _sense of warmth radiating in his chest. Was Dutch being serious? Arthur felt his breathing stop as he stared up at Dutch, he was only a few inches taller than Arthur, but right then... Arthur felt minuscule.

"... Because anytime, anywhere, I'll race you again." Dutch added.

Arthur blinked and averted his gaze, of course, Dutch was talking about a race, there was no way Dutch was proposing sex to Arthur, especially in camp no less. After he regained his breathing, Arthur managed to turn his attention back to Dutch, and he was still left confused. _Of course, _Dutch was talking about a _race__... _But that look in his eyes, the tone of his voice, all of that screamed real unless Arthur was imagining all that...

And yet... As Arthur looked up to Dutch's eyes... His heart sped up again and he tried to ignore the fact that he was probably blushing. How could he be imagining this?

"O-Of course." He sputtered, cursing himself as he took a step back from Dutch as the intense fear of fucking everything up hit him in the stomach. "You know I'm always up to prove you wrong." Arthur chortled, recovering smoothly as he turned back toward his horse, patting him gently. "We should probably tell John and Hosea about what just happened." He murmured, hoping that the topic switch wasn't _too _noticeable.

"You're right... Got a lot to think about, let's all head to the tent." Dutch suggested before he walked into camp, presumably to grab Hosea and John.

Arthur peered over, making sure Dutch was actually gone before resting his forehead on his horse's shoulder. He felt like he had just made the biggest fool of himself. The Admiral turned over, gently sniffing Arthur's head, Arthur eventually picked himself back up and sighed, reaching up and rubbing the horse's snout gently.

"Yeah, I know... I'm a moron." He grumbled before taking a breath and making his way back into camp as well.

* * *

"So instead of hitting the bank, we're gonna go to a fancy party and do the same shit the politicians do? Carry out a hit?" John scoffed.

"Nothing is decided yet John, besides I doubt killing the Chief of Police at his sister-in-law's party would be good for business." Dutch explained.

"I can't believe I'm going to say this, but I think carrying out the hit is the safer option." Hosea muttered. "What did you say her name was?"

"Ivy Winters... She's one scary woman." Arthur chuckled softly.

"Right you are." Dutch replied.

"I'm gonna do some digging on her, see what I can drum up." Hosea offered.

"No need, Trelawny knows just about everything about her, why don't we go to the party and access the situation from there..? There's no way to tell without going." Dutch offered.

"I dunno, why would we wanna mix in with high profile people at a civilized party when we already have bounties on our head? What if someone recognizes us?" John asked. "We'll be trapped."

"He's got a point Dutch." Arthur stated.

"We're states away from that nonsense... As long as we don't give the law a reason to start sniffin' we'll blend right in." Dutch mused.

"If you're sure about this..." John mumbled.

"I'm not... But the bank is dangerous enough, let's get all of our cards in our hand before we call, huh?" Dutch inquired.

"... I suppose that's fair." Arthur stated.

"I'll write to Trelawny, when's the party?" Hosea questioned.

"Next week, I'm sure Josiah will have the specifics." Dutch remarked.

Arthur stood silently as he listened, but looking up he watched as John slipping out of the tent casually. Frowning, the sudden anxiety about their relationship resurfaced, he needed to get John by himself... Walking forward, Arthur quickly followed out after John, leaving the conversation between Hosea and Dutch behind, but as he walked out he could already see John and Abigail talking. This could be a huge mistake... But Arthur walked forward, Abigail was the first to notice him and smiled brightly at him.

"Hey there, Arthur." She greeted, Arthur watched as John turned his attention over to him, there was still a wall between them, Arthur could feel it.

"Hey, sorry I'm not trying to interrupt... Actually I was just wondering if uh... You wanna go out hunting with me?" He asked, nodding towards John.

John's brows furrowed momentarily in confusion, despite their relationship not getting worse over the last few weeks, they weren't exactly friends yet... And it wasn't like Arthur to seek out privacy with him... They hadn't been hunting alone together since...

"That sounds fun, you should go." Abigail chimed in, nearly making John cringe but now he would look like an asshole if he said no.

"You wanna?" He couldn't help but ask, watching intently as Arthur nodded to him, keeping their gazes locked. "... Alright then." John sighed softly, he wasn't looking forward to this.

"Have fun, boys." Abigail concluded with a smile to both of them before taking her leave, she could sense the tension between Arthur and John, hopefully encouraging them would help them work towards speaking again.

"Come on then." Arthur mused, motioning John to follow.

Packing didn't take long, both men packed a tent, some food, bedding and the appropriate hunting equipment complete with a bear rifle. Arthur knew John was probably dreading this, he wasn't very discreet, but Arthur made sure to pack some _good _booze, hopefully, to loosen things up. He wasn't trying to completely fix things with John all at once, but he knew taking initiative was the only way to start.

It was about three in the afternoon, they could probably find a decent camping spot for the night and hunt in the morning. Despite having reservations himself, Arthur mounted his horse and waited patiently for John. The ride out was quiet, John followed Arthur without question to Arthur's relief, checking his map on occasion to find the best place to set up.

Arthur eventually ended up guiding them about two hours north into the mountains. The Nevadan mountain regions were certainly beautiful and Arthur knew there would be a lot of game coming back up in the morning. Weaving through trees and climbing the steep mountain terrain paid off when the two slowly rode up to a cliff edge, overlooking the entire mountainside, they could even see Virginia City in the distance.

"Let's set up here." Arthur instructed, slipping off his horse.

"Nice view." John commented as he did the same.

It wasn't as awkward as it was when they first left but there was still a veil of tension surrounding the two as they started setting up camp, both had brought a few cans of food with them so there was no need to do any hunting before settling for the night, but as Arthur glanced up from making the firepit, seeing John standing on the edge of the cliff, observing the view... His silhouette against the setting sun... The breeze combing through his hair...

Arthur walked towards him and stopped at his side, reaching into his satchel and pulling out a pack of smokes, offering one to John. He was blown away when John actually reached over and took one. Knowing it was a possible risk offering to light his cigarette, Arthur damned the consequences.

"Here." He mused, pulling out a lighter, lighting his cigarette and holding out the lit flame.

John eyed it, his gaze darting up to Arthur's, he almost wondered if this was a test... He hadn't really been alone with Arthur much since he had recovered. Recalling their last conversation...

_Do you regret..?_

_... Never, John._

"... What are we doing out here, Arthur?" John asked, his tone hinting a warning.

"Look... I'm not trying to torture you..." Arthur sighed. "... If you really hate this, we can go back I'm not gonna hold you hostage... I really just wanted to be with you for a while... That's all." He stated, still holding the lighter out to John as a desperate truce.

John wasn't expecting Arthur to say that, in all honesty, he wasn't sure what he was expecting... And despite wanting to push Arthur away and wanting to go back... Deep down, he knew doing that would solve nothing, that voluntarily hurting Arthur would solve nothing... And yet even when John _did _purposefully hurt Arthur... Arthur always came back.

With that thought in mind... John reached up, placing the cigarette between his lips before leaning in, putting the tobacco stick into the flame and inhaling the smoke... The gesture was small but it was all Arthur needed. He felt relief immediately, putting the lighter away as John pulled back, watching as he went back to observing the landscape, his eyes reflecting off the sun like their own golden pools.

* * *

It got dark rather quick, thankfully Arthur managed to light the fire before he was unable to see and currently he scribbled in his journal. He hadn't written in it for a while, the last entry was dated back to before he was shot... But he soon found himself doodling, and he wasn't surprised as it turned out to be John's glowering frown.

When John returned from taking a leak, he noticed Arthur focused on his journal and he didn't seem to be writing. John hated that he desperately wanted to see what Arthur was drawing, and as he took a seat adjacent from Arthur a few feet away against a fallen tree that was next to their tents, only then did Arthur look up.

"I didn't see you come back." He mentioned as he gently closed the journal.

"Don't stop on my account." John replied evenly as he took out his revolver and a cloth, gently cleaning it.

"Don't worry about it... Here, I brought something special." Arthur announced, getting up and walking over to his horse, John watching him like a hawk, what the hell was _special_?

John sat there in anxious silence as he waited for Arthur to return, seeing Arthur coming back into the view of the light, he walked towards John and sat down next to him and leaning back comfortably against the log, only making John's anxiety worse since now he was within arms reach. However as Arthur revealed a bottle, John tilted his head, when Arthur offered him the bottle he hesitantly took it, reading the label.

"Wine?" John asked, unable to stop the small smirk.

"Not just any, look at the date." Arthur chuckled, John narrowed his eyes as he tried to make out the numbers, it was obvious the bottle was old, eventually, he could see a slightly worn number, and his eyes doubled in size.

"Holy shit, 1833? Is that even safe to drink?" He asked.

"Why not? It's never been opened." Arthur replied, gently taking the bottle back from John. "I mean if you don't want to-"

"Hey, I never turn down a drink." John scoffed.

"Thought so." Arthur snickered.

John hated how much lighter he felt already in just speaking with Arthur... Without anyone else here to push him, or Abigail to distract him, he found himself liking to be in Arthur's presence again, watching as he pulled out a small knife from his bag and plunge it into the cork. He carefully twisted the knife at an angle and slowly began pulling the cork out until there was a distinct _pop._

Bringing the bottle to his nose just to be safe, he inhaled, the sweet smell of the matured wine hitting his nose. It was such a strong yet wonderful aroma and he passed the bottle to John.

"You wanna have the honors?" He asked, John hesitated but took the bottle from Arthur.

He looked over the label one more time and glancing to Arthur before he took a drink, it was much sweeter than John thought it would be, he suspected it to be dryer than the desert. When he saw Arthur smile at him he could only assume his facial expression gave it away that he liked it, he handed the bottle back.

"... That was actually pretty damn good." John admitted, rolling his eyes with a small smile as he saw the all-knowing smirk wash over Arthur's expression before he too took a drink.

"Told you." Arthur pestered in good humor.

The alcohol really did help loosen things up and before the two had realized it, they were already almost halfway through the bottle, and even though they were extremely buzzed, they were still able to hold a conversation... They hadn't stopped talking since the bottle had opened... It was nice. Arthur couldn't remember the last time he was able to just... Talk to John, laugh with him... To really see John laugh made all the blood, sweat and tears worth it.

Neither of them realized how close they had become until John felt Arthur's arm brush against his, and like clockwork, they both looked at each other at the same time... Darkness surrounded them, the fire dancing on their features, and like clockwork, they both looked away just as quickly... John's eyes focused on the fire and before he knew it he was speaking.

"... I miss this." He murmured, he could see Arthur peer over at him in his peripheral, but he was too afraid to look over. "... It's not like I don't think about-" John's voice cut off beyond his control and he found his throat closing.

"... I do too." Arthur replied softly, watching as John turned his head over to look at him, the fear and apprehension in his usually stoic gaze always hurt Arthur's soul. "I'm not about to try and pretend like I didn't fuck everything up... But I miss you, John, and I'll keep saying it until you get it."

"Y-You think I don't..?" John asked, feeling his resolve beginning to crumble. "You don't think that I think about you? A-About all the shit we used to get into when we was younger? All the things you did for me..? I miss the _hell _out of it Arthur." He snarled, but his anger was negated as he turned his attention back to the fire. "... I think about you... And I'm that scared little kid again that Dutch found all them years ago." He scoffed tiredly.

Arthur was in awe, this was the realist John had been with him, all this time he was worried that John had been brooding over Abigail against him... And yet all he was doing was trying to protect himself. His body turned so that he faced John completely, he could tell that John was afraid to look at him.

"John." He called gently, watching John's eyes flutter shut. "... Look at me, cowboy." He urged, watching John chuckle bitterly as he fought the urge to sob, but he turned his head and opened his eyes, making Arthur's heart break all over again when he saw the tears threatening to spill over. "... I-If I could go back..." He mumbled, watching John's breath hitch slightly. "... I just wish I hadn't been so selfish." He sighed.

"You and me both." John tearfully chuckled, making Arthur smiled albeit sadly, and knowing that what he was about to say could end up in disaster he spoke anyway.

"... I never really apologized to you for... Back then." He mentioned, seeing John cringe and look away.

"A-Arthur..." He mumbled, he almost sounded like he was in pain.

"I-I'm not saying this to hurt you, I swear it." Arthur quickly clarified.

"... Then why are you saying it?" John questioned.

"... Because you deserve it." Arthur stated confidently before reaching down and taking John's hand, making the other gulp uncomfortably. "Look, I know I can't ever take back what I said and what I did to you... All I can say is I'm so, so sorry." He whispered.

John's grasp was shaking in Arthur's as he spoke, he wasn't expecting this to happen tonight that was for sure, and he wasn't certain what to say at first...

_I-I have so much anger that I have built up inside me... And it would be really shitty for you to die before I had the chance to say all the things I need to say to you... Got it?_

"... Arthur I-... I'm not ready." John said honestly, before taking a breath and looking back to Arthur, and despite the hurt that came with the words, Arthur nodded.

"I get it..." He said, gently giving John's hand a squeeze before he took his hand away and took a drink from the wine again as John wiped the tears from his eyes. "I didn't bring you out here to try and win you back or to try and smooth things over in one go... I just... I wanted you to know that..." Arthur trailed off, not sure where he was heading with his statement but he knew it was best to quiet himself.

John stared into Arthur's eyes for a moment before he nodded, Arthur looked genuine but he was the only person in the world that could play him like a puppet and he knew he had to be careful. However, for once, he decided to give Arthur to benefit of the doubt, looking up into the sky he took a breath as Arthur handed him the bottle, he took a drink with no hesitation.

Arthur followed John's gaze up to the night sky, he could see the twinkling stars and the moon in all its glory... And yet when he looked over to John again... He could have looked at him for hours. He wasn't sure, ultimately, what guided him in the moment but as he looked back to the sky again, his arm slowly moved up and over until it rested around John.

The younger of the two looked over quickly in slight surprise at the bold move, but Arthur continued to stare at the sky, now it was his turn to be afraid to look over. John _hated _how much his heart started to pound and he _hated _how all his blood began to rush to his cheeks and ears... And possibly somewhere else... But despite all that, he fought the urge to move away and leaned into it... Arthur deserved at least something for manning up all these years later.

Eventually, as the hours crawled on, the two stayed right where they were... And while they still had a ways to go, feeling John's head leaning against his shoulder as he fell asleep, Arthur's heart felt as it would burst.

_Arthur, there's no shame in loving someone..._

> Did I say something wrong? Did you hear what I was thinking?  
Did I talk way too long when I told you all my feelings that night?  
Is it you? Is it me? Did you find somebody better?  
Someone who isn't me, 'cause I know that I was never your type  
Never really your type
> 
>   
Overthinking's got me drinking  
Messing with my head, whoa
> 
>   
Tell me what you hate about me  
Whatever it is, I'm sorry  
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah  
I know I can be dramatic  
But everybody said we had it  
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
> 
>   
I'm coming to terms with a broken heart  
I guess that sometimes good things fall apart
> 
>   
When you said it was real, guess I really did believe you  
Did you fake how you feel when we parked down by the river that night?  
That night?  
That night when we fogged up the windows in your best friend's car  
'Cause we couldn't leave the windows down in December  
Whoa
> 
>   
Tell me what you hate about me  
Whatever it is, I'm sorry  
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah  
I know I can be dramatic  
But everybody said we had it  
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
> 
>   
I'm coming to terms with a broken heart  
I guess that sometimes good things fall apart
> 
>   
Overthinking's got me drinking  
Messing with my head, oh
> 
>   
Tell me what you hate about me (about me)  
Whatever it is, I'm sorry (oh, I'm sorry)  
Yeah, yeah, yeah (oh, I'm sorry), yeah, yeah, yeah  
I know I can be dramatic (I know I can be)  
Everybody said we had it  
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
> 
>   
I'm coming to terms with a broken heart  
I guess that sometimes good things fall apart
> 
> source: [Good Things Fall Apart by Illenium & Jon Bellion](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J9Zjgb03FMQ)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AAAAAAAAAAAH OMG FINALLY RIGHT!? I'm so sorry I've been gone, I kinda had to take a little bit of a self-preservation break, a lot of it was due to figuring out EXACTLY how I want this to go and I think I finally have a solution. Besides, John really needed to throw Arthur a bone lmao. Trust me, things will start to come together very soon.
> 
> As for myself and the future of this work, don't worry I still have every intention of keeping up as best I can, however I'm still extremely chronically ill, and I'm still waiting to see the doctor lol. My appointment is soon, but not soon enough. Ugh.
> 
> Anyway, thank you all so much for continuing to follow me and this work, it truly means the world to me and actually gives me a reason to engage myself on some days when all I want to do is sleep and cry lmao. Thank you all again and as always I love feedback! Hope it was worth the wait!
> 
> -Eros


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Holy shit right? I won't lie, I wasn't sure if I was gonna be able to continue this fic due to my health issues and my muse taking a complete shit. However, I love this story too much to abandon it. I hope this chapter was worth the wait for people still interested (if there are any) lmao.

The closer they got to the party, the more nervous Arthur became. They were going to just have a good time, Dutch assured them, but there was something in Arthur that was doubting this visit would be anything but simple and leisurely. Yet as the days ticked by, things went smooth, Ivy scored them an invite to the party and as Hosea, Dutch, John, and Bill bustled around hours before the party, Arthur managed to find a few minutes to himself to jot down his uncertainties in his journal, and for some reason, as he put his pencil to the parchment, nothing but John filled his mind and that night they had gone hunting.

A wave of anxiety washed over Arthur and for a moment, his pencil shook in his grasp as he sat on his cot, staring down at the blank page. Glancing up towards the tent flap as he heard footsteps pass by, Arthur took a breath and flipped the pages back to about a week prior, seeing the sketch of John that he had done. Moments like this made him miss Annabelle... And he missed her terribly, much more than he was proud to admit but he would be beyond ashamed if he had to tell her just how low he had sunk in the past few years.

Quickly flipping the pages back as nausea began building in his gut, Arthur inhaled and closed his eyes. He didn't have long before he had to get ready for the party... And finally clearing his mind, he began writing.

_October 28th, 1894_

_John... Feels like most of these are about him, how pathetic is that? Am I really that hopeless? There's a woman here who loves every second of my attention and yet I can't stop thinking about that night last week... The way it felt to have his head on my shoulder, I can't even describe it. In all the years I had with Mary, nothing compares to the way I feel about John. Part of me loathes him, but I know the reason I do, is because he won't give me the time of day._

_I hope that he at least sees something worth saving with me... Lord knows I don't deserve it._

Blinking, Arthur sighed and threw himself onto his back on his cot, feeling utterly deplorable. He and John hadn't had any more time to get cozier together but Arthur had to remind himself that it wasn't about getting close with John again, it was about getting his trust back. There was a real chance that John would never be comfortable getting close with him again... But if that were the case, he would have told Arthur to back off or punched him when he put his arm around him.

Perhaps there was hope after all...

Having to force that thought out of his head to get ready, Arthur shut his journal and placed it in his chest near the end of his cot after taking out the number of suits he chose to wear to this event. He didn't have a lot of material possessions, Arthur could care less what his clothes looked like as long as they covered the essentials, but due to his line of work, he had a number of suits saved up from over the years, though not nearly as much as Dutch and Hosea.

Arthur was never very... Fashionably intuitive, there was more than one occasion when Dutch and Hosea clowned him due to his outfits as a child, simple was best for him. Having it narrowed down to two options, a black suit jacket, gold vest and black neckerchief on top of a white dress shirt and black trousers or a rich crimson coat, vest, and white pants. He wasn't fond of being flashy but he knew if he tried to blend in too much Dutch would make him change.

Sighing, Arthur reached up and unbuttoned his current shirt and shrugged off the clothing and reaching down to unbuckle his belt with his gun holsters and placing them carefully on the bed as he readied to push his pants past his waist.

* * *

"Hey, Boss are we bringing our guns?" Bill inquired as Dutch fastened the gloves on his hands.

"No, remember we're guests." Dutch replied.

"Dutch are you _sure_ this is a good plan..? Didn't you say that the Police Chief knows we plan on robbin' him?" John asked as he approached his mentor.

"Honestly son, no, I'm not sure." Dutch sighed bluntly as he looked up to see John's concerned face. "But, we need the money and as long as I don't get too chummy with the man he shouldn't even notice we're there." He explained.

"However, to avoid the possibility of him recognizing you, maybe you and Arthur should take the house, do some poking around of your own?" Hosea inquired.

"Easy my friend, you didn't meet this black widow. You may change your mind." Dutch chortled before turning his attention to his tent across the camp, wondering where Arthur was hiding. "I'm gonna go check on our princess." He snickered before walking towards the canvas room.

Without a second thought, Dutch opened the tent and walked in, when he looked up, whatever teasing words he had in his throat were gone as he got a look at Arthur from behind. His back had multiple scars he had gained either saving him or helping their family and suddenly Dutch was reminded that he was a fucking asshole as the memories of accusing Arthur of basic treason came to his mind.

Hearing the canvas move, Arthur turned to look at his intruder and was relieved to see Dutch, but that relief soon morphed into something else, something... Familiar. Arthur, Hosea, Dutch, and John had been together for the good part of their lives, they changed, bathed and pissed around each other on at least more the one occasion, so having Dutch see his body didn't make Arthur uncomfortable, he was used to it in fact... But the expression of surprise and slight awe on Dutch's face, no matter how brief it was there, slightly startled Arthur and for a moment he felt self-conscious, he was glad he hadn't taken his pants off yet...

Their eyes met and there was a moment of silence, the air became heavy but as soon as it came it went. Dutch reached up and covered his mouth briefly as he cleared his throat to recover. He had never wanted to touch a man like he wanted to run his hands over Arthur's defined back in that moment.

"What's takin' so long boy?" he asked as he walked up to the cot and seeing Arthur's dilemma.

"I swear you should just go without me." Arthur huffed as he reached up and rubbed his eyes, Dutch chuckled and shook his head before folding his arm and arching a prominent brow down at the outfits.

"... Do the red, but use black pants." Dutch mentioned after a moment of thought, Arthur quickly turned his slightly distressed gaze back over to him.

"You think so?"

"Yeah, all better?" Dutch asked, smirking over at Arthur who scoffed and shook his head, bending over and grabbing the clothing that he didn't intend on using.

Had Dutch not been alone in the tent with Arthur, he wouldn't have been so bold, but as Arthur bent down... Dutch couldn't help but take a rather obvious look at Arthur's ass, moving his view before he was caught and reaching up to run a hand over his jawline, realizing he wasn't helping anything except his hormones. Before Arthur could turn back, Dutch had exited the tent to straighten out his mind... Somewhat literally.

Dutch was almost ten years Arthur's senior, for Christ's sake he nearly raised him! He taught him how to read, write, shoot, and ride a horse... Then he fell in love with Annabelle, and even when he was with her, Dutch thought the hormones of his youth had long left him, his libido was still healthy there was no question about that but it had been decades since he had felt such a strong gravitational pull towards someone... And Arthur..? Why now? Why him? Why did he feel like a fucking teenager going through puberty all over again?

Reaching into his satchel, Dutch pulled out a cigar to even out his nerves before the ride ahead of them. Before he knew it, Arthur was venturing out of the tent in the outfit that Dutch had recommended and neither one of them was ready to face the night, but when Arthur's sights were set on Dutch, they soon honed in on John as well who stood near their leader in a mostly all-black suit.

"Hey, no fair why can he dress in all black?" Arthur huffed once he neared the two.

"Cause I'm the favorite." John mused almost playfully which took Arthur by surprise.

"Oh? You wanna find out whose the favorite?" Arthur inquired with a smirk as he rolled up his sleeves and started approaching John, but as the other's eyes lit up with the fear of possible punishment, Hosea happened to save the day.

"Not right now you two, really." He seemed to scold, sending a slight look of disapproval at Dutch for watching Arthur and John about to cake each other in the mud.

"Oh come on Hosea, watching them beat on each other for my favor? How could I not condone that?" Dutch asked, holding his hands out in surrender.

"Come on, let's get on with this before I regret my decision." Hosea said with a subtle eye roll.

"Alright, boys mount up!" Dutch announced and climbed up onto The Count, whose nose was scarred completely.

Arthur did the same, reaching down to pat The Admiral's neck, however before John could mount Gypsy he felt a hand grasp his forearm, and upon turning around he wasn't displeased to see Abigail waiting there for him.

"You really gonna leave without saying goodbye?" She asked with a small pout, John couldn't help but sent a nervous grin her way.

"Sorry, things been kinda hectic." He sighed, but Abigail was quick to wrap her arms around his neck regardless just in time for Arthur to spot them.

Feeling the clenching in his chest, Arthur quickly averted his eyes. It was so fucking painful to watch John be happy but he wasn't about to ruin an actual normal relationship he could pursue in a healthy manner... Maybe if he really cared for John he would have to let both him _and_ Abigail go.

* * *

The ride towards Virginia City was uneventful thankfully enough. Everyone needed to be at their best if this plan was going to work. They couldn't afford to make more drama than needed, and after twenty minutes of traversing city streets once more, they came upon the guarded gate but this time the gate was open and there was a line of people.

As if they had been spotted a mile away, just as everyone dismounted their horses, a servant approached the small company.

"Are you Tacitus Kilgore?" He inquired, Dutch paused but nodded before doing a quick headcount, once he figured out that everyone was there they proceeded passed the line of people, they were led through the slightly crowded courtyard into the house which echoed the silence off the walls, stopping just before a staircase. "Please wait here." He inclined seriously before disappearing up the stairs.

Before anything could be said between them, two women appeared at the top, one of them Arthur recognized as Miss Ivy Winters but the other was unfamiliar but she was pale as porcelain and despite her beauty, Arthur could tell there was something off... She was on Ivy's arm and she looked as frightened as a mouse.

"Gentlemen, I am very pleased to see you." Ivy greeted once she and the other woman made it down the stairs. "May I introduce my sister... Elena Beckett." She said before glancing over to the meek thing beside her, it was plainly obvious now as to why Ivy reached out for their help.

"I can see the resemblance, gorgeous the both of you." Dutch charmed, holding out a hand for Elena.

Arthur watched carefully, the interaction took only about two seconds, but he could see as Elena paused at the gesture, obviously a bit taken aback, but she then looked over to Ivy who nodded. Only then, did she reciprocate Dutch's gesture and took his hand... She was asking permission, a behavior that was probably beaten into her, and suddenly, Arthur didn't feel so nervous about what they were going to do to the Chief of Police. Dutch kissed her hand politely and let it go so he didn't stress out the obviously abused woman in front of them.

The two sisters actually looked rather similar, but one of them was extremely unlike the other in indirect ways, while Ivy exuded power and confidence, Elena was a reserved scared girl. Soon, Ivy turned to Elena, her hands gently reaching up to rest on her shoulders as she looked the other in the face with a surprisingly gentle and nurturing expression.

"Darling, why don't I have one of these lovely gentlemen escort you back upstairs to keep you company..? I won't be long." She explained, her voice quiet and reassuring, the other blonde woman hesitating but nodding before Ivy looked to Dutch expectantly.

"Of course..." He trailed off before hesitating himself and turning around, his eyes skimming over everyone before landing on Bill, Arthur's and Hosea's gazes following until all eyes were on him.

"... What, me?" he asked, but seeing a vein surface from Dutch's forehead he cleared his throat. "I-I mean of course... Uh, a-after you Miss Elena." Bill stumbled before following the younger woman up the stairs with a servant.

"Thank you, I just didn't want her to hear our conversation, she deals with enough." Ivy thanked with a small sigh.

"Pardon me for asking but... Is she okay?" Arthur inquired, Ivy's jaw clenched for a moment and she swallowed her anger but she nodded.

"She will be, one way or another... Now you see what being married to that pig has cost her... She didn't used to always be so..." Ivy trailed off, taking a breath and gathering her composure once more. "I apologize, that's not what I asked you to come here for, may I ask who these other fine gentlemen are?" She asked.

"Of course, excuse our manners, this is Hosea, John and that feller who just went up with Elena is Bill... Thick bastard but he would never raise a hand to a woman." Dutch explained.

"The pleasure is mine, but I must insist for the night that you gentlemen relax and have a drink... And Mister Van der Linde, should you need to find more information on the subject we discussed earlier... There is an unlocked door on the second floor, west staircase, first door on your left... Look for golden buttons, and please dear be subtle." Ivy explained quietly before sending a small but subtle wink at Dutch and walking back up the stairs.

The group waited until the woman was gone before they turned to one another.

"I see what you mean now." Hosea commented simply.

"Gold buttons? The hell is she trying to do? Send us on a scavenger hunt?" John asked with a small frown.

"Keep your voice down, she's got ears all over the place, it's her house." Arthur shushed softly.

"Whatever it is, it was important enough for her to mention it to us... I think... Hosea and John, you two go out to the party, Arthur and I will have less of a chance of stirring up anything unsavory if we go after that little morsel of information Ivy just mentioned." Dutch explained, Hosea nodded in agreement as Bill made his way back downstairs.

"Thanks for that gentlemen I ain't ever been so uncomfortable all my life..." Bill scoffed.

"Why, cause she's like a hollowed-out husk?" Hosea asked subtly.

"What? No! She's has a nice laugh, I just don't like being surprised like that." Bill growled, though his sour expression faded when all eyes suddenly turned to him once again. "... What?"

"She got a nice laugh? Hell, you talkin' about?" John asked.

"I said what I said dammit, leave it alone." Bill huffed.

"Alright, while we unpack that, why don't the five of us meet back here in an hour?" Hosea offered.

"Deal... Remember gentlemen, no trouble and stay anonymous... If anything goes down we meet back at camp, understood?" Dutch asked everyone, and once everyone nodded they disbanded... Except for him and Arthur.

When the two were left to their own devices, Arthur couldn't help but released a small snort of amusement, when Dutch looked over Arthur shook his head.

"You think he was bein' serious?" He asked.

"God knows." Dutch mused before he brushed past Arthur towards the west side of the mansion.

However, it soon became apparent that the west staircase was in the servant's area. After dodging multiple butlers since being given the advice to be discreet, they soon came upon the kitchen. Dutch leaned into the door carefully and peaked inwards, frowning at the chef still in the kitchen washing dishes.

"There's someone in there..." He murmured. "Don't know if we can get passed 'em..." Dutch whispered.

"We could always choke him out." Arthur said with the shrug of his shoulders.

"I doubt Miss Ivy would appreciate two hoods coming into her house and dispatching her staff..." Dutch countered.

"But she's the one who told us to go this way in the first place..!" Arthur grumbled.

"I know... I think she's testing us." Dutch hummed.

"Is this really worth it, Dutch?" Arthur sighed.

"Guess we'll find out whenever we find the gold buttons... Wait someone else just came in." Dutch hushed, holding up a hand, watching a servant placing a tray aside as they came through the other kitchen door.

"Hey, Miss Winters is asking for something light for Mrs. Beckett to eat." The butler explained.

"If Miss Winters hears you call Miss Elena that she'll have you fired and flogged." The chef warned with a small chuckle.

"Yeah and if Chief Beckett hears me call his wife that I won't make it home from work..." The butler replied dryly.

"Ah well, why don't you take this up to her, it isn't much but it'll give me some time to prepare her something a little more filling." The chef instructed, Dutch watched as he placed a plate of food down on the tray the servant had brought in previously before disappearing into the pantry, presumably for more ingredients.

Dutch gasped softly as he watched the servant grab the tray and beginning to venture towards the door. He quickly darted to Arthur's side and pressing his back fully against the wall, Arthur replicating his movements with urgency. Within moments, the door to the kitchen swung open slowly, nearly inches from touching their noses before the servant walked by with the tray, unaware they were even there.

"Come on." Dutch then mumbled quietly before walking into the kitchen.

The two gunslingers made their way through the kitchen with haste, and somehow still going undetected. Arthur actually got butterflies, it had been a while since he and Dutch had been on a job like this privately. It felt like the old Dutch and Arthur again, together they were unstoppable with Dutch's brain and Arthur's reflexes. Arthur was relieved that they came to a staircase as promised. Making sure that no one seemed to be in the direct vicinity, Dutch and Arthur climbed the stairs and being met with a 'L' shaped hallway with a variety of rooms, but the only thing they paid any attention to was the door that Ivy directed them to.

Arthur didn't put it passed Ivy to trap them if she saw it benefited her more to do so but Trelawny did stick his neck out for her and it wasn't often he put his reputation on the line for someone. Reaching for the knob, Dutch hissed softly, it was locked.

"Think you can pick this?" Dutch asked as his eyes darted around for any unwanted spectators.

"Sure, just keep watch." Arthur replied before he knelt next to the door.

Going to work, Arthur was thinking about how this all better be worth the trouble when the two heard laughter down one of the halls. Both froze and stared down the hallway until the laughter died down.

"Think you could be any quicker?" Dutch questioned, trying not to sound too pushy.

"I'm tryin', the last pin is giving me trouble..." Arthur mumbled as he narrowed his eyes at the lock until there was one final _click_, both of the experienced outlaws breathed a sigh of relief together.

"Hurry up and look for the gold buttons, whatever the hell the woman said." Dutch hurried.

Arthur quickly stood and opened the door, slightly furrowing his brows as he came face to face with nothing more than coats.

"A locked coat closet?" Arthur asked.

"If your guests were all aristocrats you'd lock up their valuables too... Liabilities son." Dutch mused.

Arthur rolled his eyes and wondered what Ivy could have possibly meant by gold buttons until a shimmer caught Arthur's eye. Tilting his head, Arthur reached in and pushed the expensive clothing aside one after another until he found a rather stately and official-looking black coat with golden buttons to fasten it. Frowning Arthur looked the item over for a moment before he surfed through the outside pockets and coming up with nothing. Beginning to get nervous that this was a set-up, Arthur checked for internal pockets and feeling a metal object his breathing hitched.

"Hey, I found something." Arthur announced softly before pulling it out and discovering a key with a small paper attached to it, handing it to Dutch the other read the writing on the note.

"It's an address with a date... The note says that Elena won't be home that night, two weeks." Dutch explained before looking to Arthur.

"Man she really hates that bastard." Arthur chuckled softly.

"You blame her? I saw bruises on Elena's back when Bill escorted her back up the stairs." Dutch scoffed with distaste, but before they could discuss what was the better option, footsteps began echoing up the stairs. "I think it's time for us to make ourselves scarce."

Arthur nodded in agreement but as he went to peek around the opposite hallway he gasped as he saw a police officer patrolling the hall.

"We got a problem Dutch..." Arthur murmured, Dutch quickly mirrored Arthur's actions and cursed softly but as the footfalls began getting closer and closer, without warning Dutch shoved Arthur into the coat closet and shut the door.

Not ten seconds after they had piled into the closet, whoever was ascending the stairs passed the door quickly and paused assumingly when they met with the officer.

"Where is she?" The voice closer to the door asked.

"With Miss Winters." The officer replied.

"Of course... Fucking whore always has to monopolize _my_ wife whenever she can latch on."

"Did you want me to go fetch her sir? Feel free to grab your coat."

Both Arthur and Dutch tensed.

"No point, the closet it locked... Just keep an eye on her and make sure she doesn't leave." The mystery man ordered.

"Yessir." The officer replied.

Just like that, the footsteps faded once more and both Arthur and Dutch were left alone as they had hundreds of times before. Although, now that the impending danger was gone, Arthur's eyes had begun to adjust in the dark and he could see how close Dutch was now. They weren't small men, and the coat closet was barely big enough for one of them, Dutch's arms extended upwards, his palms resting against the wall on either side of Arthur's head and he could feel the other's clothing lightly brushing against him in time with his breaths.

Arthur hadn't looked so small since he was that stupid loudmouth brat Dutch had picked up all those years ago... But Arthur _wasn't_ that loud-mouthed brat anymore... He was a man now... That much was obvious to Dutch as he desperately tried to convince himself to leave the closet and pretend that this moment didn't happen, but as Arthur swallowed, Dutch was close enough to see the other's Adam's apple rise and fall in his throat... And it was if the last weeks of... Whatever this was, growing between the two of them came to a head... And Dutch couldn't take it anymore.

Without warning, Dutch suddenly crashed his lips into Arthur's, a feverish attempt at sating the desire that had been building up in him for... Who knew how long at this point? It wasn't a slow, gentle exchange, it was raw and savage in a way... It told Arthur that he wasn't the only one who needed this. His arms found themselves pulling Dutch closer than ever before, finally able to explore his body in a way that made Arthur paint his sheets when his dreams became too _active_.

As the familiar taste of metallic copper distracted Arthur, his lips parted quickly, inviting Dutch's tongue for a little freedom, to which the other delighted in without hesitation... There was no time for that here. Arthur tensed and relaxed as he felt one of Dutch's hands fall to rest on his waist and drift lower, running to his hip and wrapping around to cup Arthur's ass. Unable to stop the small shuddered huff that came from him between kisses, Arthur's hands clenched the fabric of Dutch's jacket, which only encouraged Dutch further, his hand lowering momentarily to usher one of Arthur's legs up and around his waist before resuming its place squeezing the solid mound of Arthur's backside.

Arthur never considered himself a submissive man, with men or women... But everything came so naturally with Dutch, the way he guided him into position exactly how he wanted... Arthur didn't realize he would like this, in fact... He wanted more.

Dutch pulled his lips away from Arthur's for a moment and opened his eyes, seeing Arthur so obviously worked up and heated, Dutch wanted to see that again and again and again... With his free hand, he slowly pushed Arthur's suit jacket open, locking eyes with Arthur to gauge the situation as he began to open his vest. As Dutch did so, Arthur's chest began rising and falling at a rapid pace, the anticipation of what was to come outweighing the danger of their position.

Once Arthur's vest was open, Dutch reached forward and rested his palm onto Arthur's chest outside of his shirt, feeling the other's breathing hitch for a moment before his hand began to explore. Moving to the side and resting on Arthur's pec, his index and middle fingers soon found Arthur's nipple between them and rolling it slightly in his grasp. Dutch finally got a more primal reaction from Arthur, who shivered and released a small huff of breath while Dutch's other hand continue to rub and massage his ass.

Arthur was a stunning creature underneath the limelight and Dutch soon wondered how it took him this long so sample the delicacy before him. Leaning in, Dutch locked his lips with Arthur's once more, the hand that was teasing his nipple caressing downwards until he was beginning to fiddle with Arthur's belt.

What actually surprised Arthur was how ready he was to be fucked by Dutch at that moment... He wanted it more than anything in fact, all thoughts of John were soon replaced with the prospect of Dutch's experienced hands making their way around his body and playing him like a violin, but almost as if saved by divine intervention, footfalls echoed passed them once more, and both men quickly broke the kiss and stared at the door in horror of the possible consequences they would face should they be caught in such a... Tumultuous situation.

Thankfully, whoever had passed the door kept walking, unaware of the steamy circumstance going on between the leader of one of the most notorious gangs in the nation and his most trusted gun. Looking back to each other, both in shock with what had just happened between them, Dutch slowly unraveled himself from Arthur so the other could catch his balance, both remained silent... If they didn't talk about it, it didn't happen, right?

Dutch put his ear to the door and listened while Arthur made sure his shirt was still tucked into his trousers and his vest was buttoned up. Reaching up, Arthur then wiped the small bit of blood from the corner of his mouth that had been left during their passionate exchange, glancing over to Dutch he quickly snatched Dutch's arm as he went to duck out, surprising him slightly.

"Uh... Your..." Arthur mumbled, motioning upward awkwardly towards his face, Dutch paused in confusion before reaching up and wiping the blood leftover on his own lips and nodding.

"Thanks." He murmured just as awkwardly as Arthur before he patted down his pockets, making sure he had the key Arthur took from, who they assumed to be Beckett's, jacket.

Once the both of them had gathered their senses, Dutch made sure they were in the clear before emerging from the closet, the both of them having built up some sweat on their brows from the heat of the confined space during their... Confrontation. Dutch reached into his pocket and pulled out a handkerchief, quickly wiping the moisture away before offering to Arthur, though not sparing a look over at him.

Arthur took the cloth without question and did what he could to hide their sins... His mind racing with all the possibilities of how this could and ultimately_ would_ go wrong if he had anything to do with it. Handing the handkerchief back to Dutch, he too didn't take his eyes off the halls in front of them as they navigated their way back to the first floor.

At the moment, the only thing both of them were concerned with was getting rid of their erections _unseen._

> I don't wanna be alone tonight ('Lone tonight)  
It's pretty clear that I'm not over you (Over you, over you)  
I'm still thinking 'bout the things you do (Things you do)  
So I don't want to be alone tonight, alone tonight, alone tonight  
Can you light the fire? (Light the fire, light the fire)  
I need somebody who can take control (Take control)  
I know exactly what I need to do  
'Cause I don't wanna be alone tonight, alone tonight, alone tonight
> 
> Look what you made me do, I'm with somebody new  
Ooh, baby, baby, I'm dancing with a stranger  
Look what you made me do, I'm with somebody new  
Ooh, baby, baby, I'm dancing with a stranger  
Dancing with a stranger
> 
> I wasn't even going out tonight (Out tonight)  
But, boy, I need to get you off of my mind (Off of my mind)  
I know exactly what I have to do  
I don't wanna be alone tonight, alone tonight, alone tonight
> 
> Look what you made me do, I'm with somebody new  
Ooh, baby, baby, I'm dancing with a stranger  
Look what you made me do, I'm with somebody new  
Ooh, baby, baby, I'm dancing with a stranger  
Dancing with a stranger  
Dancing with a stranger  
Dancing, yeah, ooh
> 
> Look what you made me do, I'm with somebody new (Ooh)  
Ooh, baby, baby, I'm dancing with a stranger  
Look what you made me do, I'm with somebody new  
Ooh, baby, baby, I'm dancing with a stranger  
I'm dancing, I'm dancing (Ooh)  
I'm dancing, I'm dancing (Dancing with a stranger)  
I'm dancing, I'm dancing (Dancing with a stranger)  
I'm dancing, I'm dancing (Dancing with a stranger)
> 
> source: [Dancing with a Stranger by Sam Smith/Normani](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Iexrhy-1kRI)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, let me start by saying I'm so sorry it took me this long to belt out this chapter. I've decided I'm no longer going to pressure myself with deadlines and allow the chapters to come when they come lol. I won't go on and on about myself or spill too many personal details but I'm still just as sick as I was six months ago, nothing has changed. As for the future of this work, like I said I'm just gonna update when I feel able and I hope, despite the fact that I'm trash, that this was worth the wait and thank you guys so much with the ongoing support of this work. This fic is extremely important to me! Also, Arthur's outfit was a combo between The Legend of the East and The Farrier outfits.  
-Eros


	14. Chapter 14

When Arthur and Dutch arrived back downstairs on time, John could already sense that something was off. What it was, he wasn't sure, but something wasn't right but before he could grill either of them, worried that something went wrong, Dutch spoke.

"How did everyone do?" He asked casually, quelling some of John's concerns but as he looked over to Arthur who looked uncharacteristically stiff, he arched a brow.

"We saw the Chief of Police, looked like a mean bastard." Hosea mentioned.

"Yeah... Arthur and I did to." Dutch replied, seeming almost uneasy as he cleared his throat before looking around. "Anyone got anymore unfinished business?"

"Besides my drink? No." Bill mused in reply.

"Good, Arthur you go with them, I want you boys to stay out of trouble and get back to camp, I'm going to thank our gracious hostess, I'll meet ya'll back." Dutch instructed.

While the order was nonchalant, Arthur's heart clenched... He definitely fucked this up, but Dutch kissed him! He had to keep it together, keep his cool... Yet all that was on his mind was the taste of the tobacco on Dutch's lips from the cigar and it drove Arthur crazy... Maybe this was the better option after all. Nodding, he stepped forward passed Dutch, unable to look at him before the group separated.

The ride back was calm, overall the night was a success, they had gotten vital information at the cost of... Well, Arthur wasn't going to think about that at the moment, he thought he'd stir crazy. He felt like he was going to burst from his pants and be sick at the same time. Thankfully, the ride back to camp was a nice distraction from his impending downfall.

"Boys!" Abigail called as she got from the fire, smiling happily and quickly approaching.

"Don't lie, you're only happy to see John and Arthur." Hosea teased in good humor.

"I said boys didn't I? I didn't say old hound dogs." Abigail sassed with a smile, earning a slight ruckus of laughter from John and others within earshot.

"You got me there." Hosea chuckled.

"Oh c'mere you old coot." Abigail laughed and hugged him but quickly made her side to John who was pleased that Abigail seemed to really be making her home here, her eyes scanned for Arthur but only saw his back as he trudged swiftly away from the main chunk of the group.

John noticed too, and he furrowed his brows, reaching around Abigail for a moment to hug her too him before looking down, he couldn't stop the warming of his heart as her eyes met his... But while he wanted to whisk her away and really celebrate his return, the nagging of the back of his head told him to go after Arthur.

"You mind giving me a minute? I'm gonna go check on Arthur." He explained.

"Of course, go ahead, want me to meet you in your tent?" She asked as John started walking forward, stopping him in his tracks, he turned back to her with a slightly gobsmacked visage.

"Just for the record, if I ever say no to that, there's something very wrong with me." John mused before Abigail blushed and rolled her eyes before making her way to John's abode.

When he was ready to finally look for Arthur, he realized the other had simply vanished. How in the hell could someone so big and moody disappear so quickly? Wandering over to Arthur's and Dutch's tent he peered in to see that it was barren. Frowning, John looked around, it was dark and finding Arthur's lumbering form just got a whole lot more challenging. Finding his way to the reservoir, John looked up to see a form in the distance next to the water's edge, smoke was billowing up from it. Narrowing his eyes, John pulled out his lantern and turned it up before approaching.

Arthur on the other hand, looked for the first chance he got to break away from the family. He couldn't look anyone in the face right now, too confused and in all honesty, panicked about what was to happen. He and Dutch crossed a line that could never be uncrossed, the flirting, the mixed signals were all one thing... But actually kissing him... Reaching up, Arthur felt the small split in his lip from Dutch's overzealous act and winced only slightly at first, the cut now tender after the adrenaline of their affair had finally died down.

It was slightly red from the trauma but far from the worst Arthur had ever seen, which he was grateful for since no one seemed to notice at the party... Until now. Seeing light approaching from behind him, his heart stopped... Terrified of what was coming, did Dutch come back and order him to be executed? Was he coming to kill him, himself? What was he even supposed to do now?

"Hey, Arthur." John greeted, for the first time his presence had relieved Arthur a great deal as the other came to his side, though his eyes remained on the water, a cigarette pursed in his mouth.

"Hey." He murmured, pausing before reaching into his satchel and pulling out his pack of cigarettes and offering one to John, who set his lantern onto the floor beside them and took the offered tobacco without issue, but he could definitely sense a wall between him and Arthur.

"You alright? You were really quiet back there." John inquired, hoping it wasn't a mistake.

_Fuck._

"Yeah, I'm alright. When uh... Me and Dutch encountered Beckett, the way he talked about his wife kinda made me sour." He explained, doing whatever he could to seem convincing, managing to look over at John's slightly concerned look, but he was quick yo regret it as he saw John hone in on his mouth.

"Hell happened to your face? You get punched?" John asked, reaching up and motioning to his lips.

Arthur could feel his palms getting sweaty, he inhaled the smoke deeply as he tried to come up with an excuse as he shook his head.

"I think I'd remember getting punched Marston, something on my face?" He inquired, when in doubt it was time to gaslight.

"Hm, guess it ain't so bad, looks like a cut though," John replied, Arthur, though thanking Christ that John seemed to believe him, felt shitty for lying. "You sure there's nothing going on? I-... Well..." John suddenly trailed off, clearing his throat awkwardly as well, managing to catch Arthur slightly off guard, was John being shy all of a sudden?

Looking over at John, Arthur's tense gaze softened, once he dropped his cigarette butt to the floor, he reached into his bag to get another cigarette he suddenly stepped up to John and leaned in with the cigarette in his mouth, pressing it to the lit end of John's, watching the other's expression turn from uncertainty to shock, perhaps he was still high off of what happened with Dutch after all. He almost expected John to punch him, but John inhaled sharply, his eyes wide and his heart suddenly pounding.

Arthur's eyes were... Intoxicating, the way they looked at him with such influence. John's face flushed and he released a slightly shaky breath, as soon as the moment came it was gone as Arthur pulled away once his cigarette was sufficiently lit, effectively throwing John off completely.

Still standing close to the younger man, Arthur could see the familiar eyebrow scar, he remembered that day fondly... Reaching up, his thumb gently brushed John's hair out of his eyes and ran his thumb over the mark, John tensed and stared up at Arthur, the ash gathering on his cigarette due to the complete bombshell that had just gone off here. Arthur hummed softly before he managed a weak smile and reached up, gently ruffling John's locks affectionately before turning his back to John and resuming his stare at the water.

"... Go spend time with your woman, John." Arthur said simply, granting John the blessing to leave.

What the hell was that? Goddamn him! Why did Arthur always have to throw him off balance?! John gulped before simply letting the finished cigarette drop from his mouth to the floor and running his fingers through his hair. He realized that it was the first time he had felt Arthur's hands in his hair in... Turning, John quickly walked away back toward camp, trying to stop himself from panicking.

His woman... His woman... Arthur had just called Abigail his woman and yet all John could think about was the sultry hue in Arthur's eyes as they took over his own with the sheer dominance of them. Throwing his tent open he jumped seeing Abigail there reading a book on his cot, shit, he forgot he told her to meet him here.

"Hey, you." She said happily before putting her book aside, giving John two seconds to get his shit together.

"Hey." He said almost breathlessly as he took her in his arms once more.

"You alright? How's Arthur?"

"Arthur? He's..."

_Go spend time with your woman, John._

"... He's fine, how are you?" John questioned as a wave of calm washed over him for the moment, he would have a breakdown about this another day, right now he just wanted to focus on the good in front of him.

* * *

"Ah! Aiden! Harder!"

The sounds of mind-numbing sex were the only thing that Dutch was able to focus on as he stood in a hotel room, a woman of questionable morals beneath him. The nice thing about Virginia city was the picking of whores, finding someone available that he wasn't wary about wasn't hard, and currently, the only thing that was hard right now was him... That's what it was, right?

It had been... He couldn't even remember since he had been able to release some of his more carnal desires. Sex wasn't everything, but it was a lot and for Dutch, was essential in life, otherwise why even breath? However right now, the sex itself was beginning to fade away from him, leaning his head back as he held onto the woman's hips, her legs wrapped tightly around his waist as she laid on the side of the bed... All he could think of was how fucking nice Arthur's ass felt, how toned and taut it was.

Dutch had... Interesting tastes, he was experimental as a young man, but when he started riding with Hosea and found Arthur as a boy, he shelved his desires for the same sex. He didn't find it difficult, women were beautiful, and he appreciated them just as much in different ways... And then he met Annabelle, and everything made sense...

Annabelle... That's right, think of Annabelle... Dutch huffed quietly as his hips slammed into the woman beneath him, his cock surrounded by the warmth he desperately needed, but as soon as he felt his gut-clenching and right on the edge, his arousal fell, building up again only to fall once more. By now, he was drowning out the woman below him, he never had trouble finishing...

Letting his eyes flutter shut, the first thing that came to his mind was the way Arthur looked up at him like an alleycat in desperate heat when Dutch rolled his nipple between his fingertips... God, what he would have done to suck on Arthur's perky nipples and make him scream and beg for more like the woman beneath him. With that thought, Dutch released a groan before he quickly pulled out of the woman beneath him to finish, he didn't like the thought of his little bastards roaming the world.

Panting, Dutch quickly reached down and tucked himself back into his pants and zipped them back up without much more of a second thought, turning away as the woman cleaned herself up before placing a small stack of bills on the end table, without another word walking out of the hotel room.

While sex was great and the physical release proved a distraction for the moment, it was hollow... He left feeling unfulfilled like something, or _someone_ was missing, and that person was back at camp...

* * *

The next morning, Abigail awoke, not sure if she was ready to get up, but as she pushed her form up, a sudden nauseating sensation hit her and within moments she was rushing out of the tent and behind it to empty her guts. Hearing the vomiting while she was passing by, Susan arched a brow and walked around the back of the girl's tent only to see Abigail holding her own hair out of her face as she spewed.

"Goodness girl!" She exclaimed in shock before quickly walking forward and bunching up Abigail's hair and holding it for her. "You weren't sick yesterday what's going on?" She asked as Abigail finally stopped dry heaving, reaching into her sleeve she grabbed a handkerchief and handed it to Abigail who took it quickly to wipe her mouth.

"I-I don't know, maybe it was just something didn't agree with me." Abigail groaned softly.

"Well, no one else is sick... Maybe you should just take it easy today darlin'." Susan offered, Abigail smiled and nodded. "Now, why don't you get dressed and settle by the fire, I'll get you some water." She ordered gently.

Remembering she was still in her nightgown, Abigail blushed and looked around, relieved that no one seemed to be snickering in her direction. She'd geld Bill herself the next time he made a wisecrack about her being a woman. Slipping back into her tent, she sighed and rested a hand on her stomach as she thought back to what she possibly could have eaten to get such a reaction but she came up short.

When Abigail walked out of her tent rest, the first person she saw was Arthur sitting by the fire, looking like he hadn't slept. Frowning, Abigail walked forward and sat down beside him, gently nudging him and giggling softly when he jumped, startled from her. When he looked over to her, he immediately looked apologetic.

"Sorry, mornin' darlin'." Arthur greeted tired but warmly enough.

"Morning, Arthur." Abigail replied, sounding equally as exhausted, causing Arthur to turn his full attention over to her, she looked pale.

"You alright?" He asked.

"Yeah I'm sure, just not feeling great that's all." She sighed as Susan approached with a mug of water. "Thank you, Miss Grimshaw."

"At least you can rinse your mouth out, drink slowly after." Susan instructed.

She too had been racking her brain as to what could have been making Abigail sick, absolutely no one else was, she checked while Abigail was getting dressed. However, as her eyes settled on her and Arthur sitting together and watching as Abigail gently leaned into Arthur she frowned and took her leave. God help them if she was right... But she wasn't about to embarrass her or Arthur by asking tactlessly.

Arthur draped an arm lazily and affectionately around her shoulders when he felt her weight against him, she really looked miserable.

"Why do you look like shit?" She then asked, causing Arthur to snort, the first laugh he got since returning from the party.

"You're one mean woman." Arthur snickered as he rubbed her shoulder that his hand was resting on. "Just didn't sleep well." He lied effortlessly.

"Did you sleep at all?"

"You know me."

Abigail rolled her eyes and looked up at Arthur, despite her visage looking tired her eyes still sparkled when she looked up at him and his heart fluttered at the sheer unbelievable luck he had with scoring this woman's affections.

_Go spend time with your woman, John._

A pang of guilt hit him and Arthur averted his gaze, though he allowed Abigail to stay in his embrace... He probably needed it more than her right now, however his eyes did a sweep for John and he was glad that it seemed the other was still asleep. Suddenly he felt Abigail peck his lips, always keeping Arthur on his toes as it felt like a lightning bolt went from his lips to his toes.

"What was that for?" He asked curiously.

"You just looked like you needed one but since I was sick earlier I decided not to torture you." Abigail chuckled as she took a swig of the water and swished it around in her mouth before spitting out and taking another sip, swallowing it with a small sigh of relief. "You should take a nap before everyone gets up and starts making a bunch of noise." She said, reaching over and taking his hand, intertwining her tiny digits with his own.

Sleep... Right.

"Yeah, you're right as always." He mused, but a thought hit him and though he didn't want to ask he found himself doing so anyway. "Dutch back yet?"

"Dutch? No, I haven't seen him before you left, should he be back by now?" Abigail inquired, her tone hinting concern, Arthur quickly played it off as no big deal, shaking his head and shrugging.

"No, I wouldn't worry about him, I was just curious." He said before standing, desperately wanting to leave the conversation before it turned into an interrogation as John had, but leaning down, Arthur kissed Abigail's head before making his way back to his tent.

Despite knowing Dutch wasn't here, he still hesitated. He hadn't been inside the tent at all since he had returned. He felt wrong like he didn't belong there anymore, like he was trespassing.

_Dutch kissed you first..._

Gulping, Arthur took a step inward, still relieved when Dutch was nowhere to be found but with that relief also came worry of his own. Where could he have gotten to? He said he'd meet them back... And it wasn't like Dutch to disappear this long after a job... Did he get caught by law? Was he ever coming back..?

Groaning Arthur reached into his satchel and pulled out his journal before walking over to his cot and flopping down onto it and sitting up so he could distract himself.

_October 29th, 1894_

_..._

Arthur paused and frowned, fuck of course of all times he wanted to write nothing was coming.

_... He kissed me._

That's all Arthur could replay in his head over and over, and it seemed the lead in his hand had the same problem... The way Dutch looked at him with surprise and suddenly his resolve crumbled, Arthur watched it happen in real-time, and his heart was throbbing. Quickly snapping the book shut he stuffed it under his pillow and sighed. He had taken off his vest earlier in the night but he hadn't changed yet and he was ready to do so.

Knowing he'd want to wash his suit he placed it aside as his vest and shirt came off first, Susan had taken his jacket for him earlier. When he was in a more comfortable and authentic outfit, he didn't bother putting on a belt or buttoning the last few buttons up at the top of his collar. He laid on his cot and stared up, watching as the canvas got lighter and lighter, and even though he was exhausted, sleep was impossible.

It was about an hour before Arthur eventually gave up and sat up, rubbing his eyes as he tried to calm his breathing. Even though Dutch had been the one to kiss him, he felt like the one who had done wrong, like he deserved punishment... And John... How fucking cute, looking like a startled fawn up at him when their faces were closer than they had been in years. Arthur wanted to kiss him, thankfully the cigarettes were between them... And Abigail?

He really fucked this whole situation, in reality, he knew he should have latched onto Abigail and never let her go when he met her... And he cared for her... Deeply.

... But he didn't love her, not in the way she needed him to. Arthur could appreciate her body and be in love with her soul, but he would never be able to give himself fully to her and that wasn't fair to her. Maybe John really was better for her... And Abigail was better for him than Arthur ever could be.

Quickly standing, he stretched, knowing that now trying to sleep was pointless, at least he could get some coffee and a bath... A convenient excuse to leave camp.

* * *

Dutch knew he couldn't stay away from camp forever, and doing what he had done to Arthur wasn't right, leaving him like that... Though Arthur didn't seem that broken up over it, maybe he felt the same way. What happened between them could never happen again but it felt so right... Dutch hadn't felt that _enthusiastic_ since Annabelle was alive... What did any of this mean?

Currently, he rode atop The Count, the knot in his gut getting bigger and bigger the closer he got to camp. It was wrong of him to leave the way he did especially after the party. As the caravans made their way into his vision, Dutch took one last long, deep breath before he pulled back and slowed his horse to roll in as casually as he could. Dutch wasn't a man to panic, but right now he didn't know what to do, and that was a first.

"Hey Dutch, where did you get off to?" Hosea inquired as he saw Dutch climbing off his white stallion, who gently brushed himself off as he neared the other man.

"I'm sorry, my friend, the hostess of the event last night was far chattier than I assumed, she decided to share a drink with me." Dutch mused as he gently clapped Hosea on the back, watching as the other arched a brow.

"You slept with her?"

"What? No, I like powerful women but... She scares me." Dutch joked, chuckling as he quickly broke off from Hosea to escape any more questions without arousing suspicion.

"Hey, Dutch." Abigail called from the firepit, catching Dutch's attention and watching as he approached her leisurely.

"What is it, sweetheart?" He asked, his eyes glancing around for signs of his special someone.

"Arthur was looking for you." She replied, a bit confused as she saw Dutch's form immediately shift, he tried to cover it up but he looked uncomfortable, and on closer inspection, Dutch looked sleepless as well.

"Oh? Where is he?"

"In your tent, he didn't sleep well." She replied, nodding in the direction.

Dutch looked at the tent about thirty feet away from him and his heart throbbed so quick he thought he'd kill over, but he nodded his thanks to Abigail before strolling forward and swallowing harshly as he went to duck into the tent.

* * *

Unbeknownst to Arthur, as he was turning around to walk out, Dutch was walking in and they actually collided with one another. He gasped and bounced back a bit quicker than intended, obviously stunned as he stared up at Dutch who only stared back, clearly also shocked. Arthur felt stupid, they had to know they would have to see each other at some point, this wouldn't just go away... There was a heavy moment of silence that hung in the air, Dutch's eyes drifting to the small split in Arthur's bottom lip he had caused and once more all the blood in his body seemed to rushed down to his groin. He cleared his throat to try and combat it before he averted his gaze as discreetly as possible.

"Hey." He greeted, his voice somewhat tense.

"Hey." Arthur replied just as stiffly, and even though he knew not to ask questions he didn't want answers to, before he could stop himself the words were coming out. "Where were you?" He asked, trying to sound as nonchalant as he could.

"I..." Dutch mumbled, looking back to Arthur, meeting his eyes hesitantly.

Arthur could see it immediately, the look of regret and shame and he was surprised with how hurt he felt inside. Dutch was not his to lose, nor the other way around, and he had just been kissed by Abigail just an hour or two before and yet... He still felt like he got punched in the gut.

"Ah." He replied, nodding and actually turned away from Dutch.

Not wanting to appear as weak as he felt, he made an excuse to turn away, he walked over to his cot, grabbing his journal from beneath his pillow before slipping it into his satchel, he hesitated as he turned back, his eyes cast down at the floor as he went to brush past Dutch to dodge anymore heartbreak.

"Arthur." Dutch called quickly before he could make his escape, making him stop even though his hands were shaking in his pockets, he turned and managed to look up at Dutch's face, it was unreadable. "... You plan on going into town today?" he asked, Arthur remained quiet for a moment as he actually considered lying to Dutch for the first time in his adult life, but he shrugged.

"Being around all those bureaucrats and scum last night made me feel like I could use a wash... Why?" He questioned, his voice remaining calm for the moment.

"Well, I was wondering if you'd consider coming with me to check out the pig's house sometime today... Before we get everyone excited I figured we should look into the only lead we got with this key." Dutch explained.

Once more, Arthur was getting mixed signals and he didn't know how much longer he would be able to handle it... But he didn't want to fail Dutch either. He had to remain loyal.

"... Of course." Arthur replied, nodding briefly, watching Dutch relax some.

"Thanks." Dutch said, though Arthur didn't reply before quickly walking out of the tent.

In all honesty, Arthur felt like he could faint, his heart was beating so fast, he could still Dutch's cologne when he had bumped into him... And yet his heart still ached, why was he so goddamn hurt? What did he even want from Dutch?

Stopping in his tracks, Arthur's breathing hitched.

... What _did_ he want from Dutch?

At this point, John was up and awake, and he saw Arthur walk out of his tent... And without hesitation, his heart fluttered. When he looked at Arthur all he could think of was feeling his breathing against his face as he stuck his cigarette against his own, the simple yet oddly sensual action stirring things in John he was _still_ trying to bury... But he gathered all of his courage and started his approach.

"Hey, Arthur!" John called as he walked towards him, thankfully bringing Arthur out of his head for a moment. "Dutch back?"

"Huh? Yeah, I think he's changing... He and I are gonna go check out that lead we found last night." Arthur disclosed.

"Ya'll haven't even told us what you found yet." John huffed, side-eyeing Arthur.

"Calm down, I'm sure Dutch will tell you about it before we go." Arthur defused, hoping to get John off his back.

"Why are you two being so cagey about this?" John then interrogated slightly as he folded his arm and narrowed his eyes over at Arthur.

"Whose being cagey? We're just trying to be careful John." Arthur sighed.

"He's right, son." Dutch's voice from behind him affirmed, sending Arthur's heart into his stomach, Arthur turned his head as he saw Dutch come back out dressed in his usual dapper attire. "Hosea!" He called, waiting for his older companion to reach them before continuing. "Just wanna say sorry for my tardiness, I hope I haven't kept you all in any suspense." He charmed, only beginning to piss Arthur off since he knew the truth.

"What'd you boys find in that house?" Hosea asked, watching as Dutch pulled the key from his pocket with the note still attached, tossing it to the other man.

"Arthur found this in a coat pocket... I assumed it's the key to Ivy's brother-in-law's home..." He mentioned as Hosea read the note, the penmanship was obviously a woman's.

"This is big but... Nothing else?" Hosea inquired as he passed the key over to John so he could look at it, Dutch shook his head in response.

"That's why I want Arthur to come with me and scope out the place, maybe see what that key could belong to before we decide on anything." Dutch stated, Hosea hummed in an unsure manner.

"Well, I don't see that we have much of a choice." Hosea concurred, Dutch grinned his usual bright smile before gently patting Hosea's shoulder and taking the key back from John.

"Exactly... Arthur and I probably won't be back until at least tomorrow, can't exactly snoop around in broad daylight." Dutch then explained, making Arthur's heart go from hammering to stopping.

Wouldn't be back until tomorrow? What the hell was Dutch talking about? Was he really wanting to continue going on like last night didn't happen? It could have been worse... But as Dutch looked at him expectantly to follow, Arthur only swallowed harshly and accompanied him, not able to spare John another look.

Both Arthur and Dutch mounted their horses without another word and began the ride out, Arthur wasn't sure what to expect, he was nervous... Scared even, but he couldn't do this entire ride silently, it was killing him.

"What's the plan?" He finally asked, looking over to the well-groomed man as they galloped.

"Well, I had the idea that we camp out near the place, wait till around evening and do some looking around, nothing serious we need to keep this clean, I knew you were the man for the job." Dutch claimed, once again sending Arthur mixed signals.

"Whatever you say, Dutch."

> I'll follow you anywhere  
Where you wanna go, yea I don't care  
Let the river drown all our fears  
If the pouring rain  
Washes you away  
I'll go with you babe
> 
>   
'Cause if you fall  
I will follow you into the great unknown  
Where wild winds blow  
If you lose it all  
You know I'll be there when everybody's gone  
You're not alone  
'Cause I'll follow you, oh  
Where the wild winds blow
> 
>   
So don't you disappear  
'Cause this road ain't so lonely when you're near  
There's no going back from here  
If your sky turns grey  
And you're losing faith  
I'm with you all the way
> 
>   
'Cause if you fall  
I will follow you into the great unknown  
Where wild winds blow  
If you lose it all  
You know I'll be there when everybody's gone  
You're not alone  
'Cause I'll follow you, oh  
Where the wild winds blow
> 
>   
Where the wild winds blow  
Where the wild winds blow  
Where the wild winds blow, yeah
> 
>   
'Cause if you fall  
I will follow you into the great unknown  
Where wild winds blow  
If you lose it all  
You know I'll be there when everybody's gone  
You're not alone  
'Cause I'll follow you, oh  
Where the wild winds blow
> 
> Where the wild winds blow  
Oh, where the wild winds blow  
Where the wild winds blow, yeah
> 
> source: [Great Unknown by X Ambassadors](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z9v95VaBrGI)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope everyone is still enjoying! I know I'm infamous for my teasing but I promise it'll all be worth it soon! Also, I just wanted to say, for some reason when I heard the song featured in this chapter, even though it was from a Disney movie, I couldn't help but think of Arthur's unending support for Dutch throughout their years of their partnership and ugh, I love it. I'm having fun! ;)  
-Eros


	15. Chapter 15

Arthur did whatever in his power to keep himself from looking over at Dutch, he was so conflicted and didn't appreciate Dutch playing him, part of him wanted to corner the other and beat on him until he told Arthur what he wanted. However, he settled with taking as many deep breaths as he could. Was he reading too much into this? Maybe it really was just a mistake... Why would Dutch find_ other_ company the same night if he wanted Arthur..?

That realization sent an icy cold rod into his chest... Of course, why would Dutch want him anyway?

Thankfully before Arthur could sink too far in his head, they began rolling up on open fields, which made Arthur uncomfortable. He didn't like not having cover, especially for large jobs. Pulling back on their reins, they saw a large weeping willow tree that had been planted out in the middle of it, it definitely seemed out of place, but as Dutch spotted the house he suspected to be their target in the distance he frowned.

"Let's dismount and take shelter under the tree." Dutch ordered, and Arthur complied without a word, he didn't want their_ Chief_ to see them spying out in the open.

Quickly making their way underneath the shade of the tree, Arthur pulled out his binoculars. Zooming in to the best of his ability he could see a large brick wall surrounding the main house, it was large, obviously old and victorian styled. Arthur assumed there to be at least eight bedrooms, and he could count two guards up at the front gate. Being unable to see past the wall, Arthur suddenly wasn't as confident in this request as he thought he'd be.

"How's it look?" Dutch asked, suddenly right next to him and slightly catching Arthur off guard, he flinched and quickly jerked his head toward him but after catching his loss of breath he looked back through the lenses.

"... Not good, Dutch." Arthur sighed, handing the contraption over to Dutch who took them and spied through the glass. "W-We have no clue how many guards could be in there, you heard how he was talkin' about his wife like some kind of prisoner-..." Arthur suddenly cut off, realizing he had just mentioned the night before, trying to make a smooth recovery, he shook his head and sighed. "This looks a lot more complicated than everyone was making this out to be."

"Oh come on, Arthur. Have a little faith, life ain't ever easy, but do you suppose robbin' a heavily armed bank with an impossible lock, whose only link to it is the dead locksmith's daughter, would be any easier?" He asked.

Right, Amelia... Arthur had been comatose through most of his interactions with her and he had completely forgotten she had even left. Dutch told her she was always welcome to stay within the protection of camp but she assured him that she and Jacob were more than safe in the mine and Dutch was inclined to believe her.

"Yeah... What about her? Didn't we say we'd help her?" Arthur asked, watching Dutch deflate a bit before nodding.

"... I don't like breaking promises but..." Dutch mumbled, frowning as he took the binoculars away from his face, causing Arthur some heartache as a slightly forlorn expression washed over his visage.

"Well... She said there was, what, twenty of them? That's a lot but they trust her, they don't think she'll betray them... What if we help her lure them into one place and surprise them? We'll have the advantage." Arthur explained, watching Dutch slowly perk up as he looked over at him.

"That's... Actually quite brilliant." Dutch replied, smiling warmly over at Arthur for the first time since their little fiasco. "I taught you well." Dutch then mused, winking over at his partner in crime before passing by him.

All at once Arthur regretted saying anything at all, while he normally loved getting praise from Dutch, once again he was left only more confused than before... And pissed off all the same.

"... I don't get you." Arthur suddenly blurted as he turned around to face Dutch, watching him pause in his stride, he soon regretted saying that too.

There was a long moment of silence as Dutch stood there, he knew what he was doing to Arthur was wrong... He _had_ a plan, but they couldn't exactly execute it here, despite that, he felt like the asshole that he was indeed being, but eventually, he took a breath before turning back toward Arthur and taking a few slow but much-needed steps.

Dutch's expression was intense and it actually intimidated Arthur, but he held his ground, slightly glaring up at Dutch. As the other got closer and closer, Arthur nearly held his breath as the mustached man stopped only maybe six inches from him. His gaze was boring into his and Arthur's palms had begun to sweat once more.

"... Do you trust me, Arthur?" Dutch asked, his tone soft but rich in a deep baritone, Arthur almost felt like the sentence alone would swallow him up with how... Seductive it sounded in that moment, but his answer never changed.

"Of course, what's that got to do with-"

"Then _trust_ me, Arthur." Dutch cut Arthur off, reaching up and resting both his hands on Arthur's shoulders.

Arthur hated how much he felt like a prepubescent teenager, even feeling Dutch's hands-on him anywhere it was like he could feel Dutch's energy through the tether and it nearly made him weak in the knees. Arthur blinked but he sighed, reluctantly nodding before Dutch allowed his hands to slip away and walk back towards the tree.

"We gotta wait till evening until we can even move anywhere so..." Dutch trailed off slightly exasperated, making Arthur huff knowing the other was kindly asking him to shut up.

He watched as Dutch fell back against the trunk and slid down to his rear, reaching up and tiredly rubbing his eyes. The sight made Arthur worry some, he was exhausted too and he knew neither of them slept. Walking forward he walked around to the other side of the tree and replicated Dutch's movements and for a few long minutes, it was quiet and yet Arthur was somewhat calmed by Dutch's urging to trust him... He just wondered what it meant?

Before he could think long on it, suddenly something peeked out of the corner of his eye, glancing over he saw Dutch's hand holding out a flask to him.

"Whiskey." Dutch stated simply, Arthur knew he could definitely use a drink.

Reaching over, as he grabbed the metal container... He felt Dutch's fingers brush against his, but as Arthur went to pull it back towards him, Dutch's hand kept its grasp on it, Arthur arched a brow as he craned his head over, his heart beginning to flutter as he saw Dutch's thumb come up to gently run over his own before releasing the flask. He couldn't see Dutch's face and he was glad he couldn't because Arthur knew he was fucking blushing...

Bringing the whiskey to his lips, Arthur took a few healthy swigs, not stopping until the burning in his throat was unbearable. He cleared his throat when he brought it back down and leaned his head back, but his heart began to thump in knowing he'd have to give the flask back. Arthur wondered if all this stress was worth it, if that kiss was worth it... But Arthur knew that he had been wanting it for far longer than he was willing to admit.

Reaching back over, he was relieved when Dutch simply took the flask back without any funny business.

"We got a while... You look like you could use some sleep." Dutch then said from behind.

"So do you." Arthur countered.

"Yeah but you're the better gun... I want you sharp should anything go down." Dutch explained and even though it made sense Arthur wasn't sure if it was possible.

"I'll try." He eventually said.

Despite Arthur's reservations, Dutch could hear soft but rhythmic snoring not more than five minutes later, Arthur must've been tired, he didn't snore unless he was exhausted... And Dutch knew he was responsible for that. For once it felt he was able to think clearly about the previous night's events... He remembered fucking the prostitute and wandering around riding for the rest of the night, he gave The Count extra carrots for the trouble... But even then all that came to his mind was fuzz except for one thing... His plan.

Dutch wasn't stupid, he saw the hurt that crossed Arthur's face when he had revealed what he had really been up to while he was gone... And why wouldn't he be hurt? It was basically a slap in the face, but... He needed to know... Dutch _needed_ to know that this wasn't just about being sexually frustrated and now he knew. It came at a much higher price than he was expecting, but he had a very definite plan to make it up to the man asleep behind him... Arthur just needed to be patient, they had all night after all.

* * *

As the hours slowly began to tick by, the day turned into evening and as evening began to turn into night, Arthur was slightly startled awake as Dutch shook him as gently as he could.

"Time to go cowboy, I didn't count any people leaving from the house, I think it's safe to assume whatever staff works there, lives there... Which proves as good for us." Dutch explained as Arthur slowly stood up, wobbling and catching himself on the tree trunk as he wiped the sleep from his eyes.

"Slow down." Arthur groaned, hearing Dutch chuckle he couldn't help but smile weakly over at him.

"Sorry brother, I forgot you were just in a coma." Dutch teased in good humor.

"Shut up." Arthur snorted before Dutch nodded towards the house.

"I noticed a change of the guards, but that house isn't big enough to hold an army... I'm expecting maybe six at the maximum, and none of the help is gonna wanna die for him assuming he treats them as bad as he treats his wife." Dutch hypothesized, and it made sense.

"You _sure_ you didn't see no one coming out of there?" Arthur asked.

"No one... It's a Saturday, so I think our chief was off of work for the day." Dutch muttered with a shrug.

"Well, ain't he a lucky bastard. He's leeching off the entire city but has weekends at home to spend beatin' on his wife." Arthur scoffed distastefully.

"The money is surely an incentive but this bastard needs to be put down, bandanas up." He quipped, both men quickly covering their faces.

With night taking over the scenery, Dutch and Arthur effortlessly snuck up to the east wall of the house, both of them looking around quickly they made their way around to the back, but Dutch was quick to draw his arm out to keep Arthur from gound around seeing another guard positioned at the back.

"Damn." He hissed softly.

Arthur frowned as he looked up, the wall seemed to be about eight feet... If Dutch could boost him...

"... Hey, I got a plan, c'mon." Arthur whispered and led Dutch back towards where they came, not wanting anyone to hear him struggling to get over the wall. Arthur put his index finger up and listened closely, after hearing no patrol and no voices, he nodded.

"Think you can boost me?" He asked, Dutch tilted his head and looked up.

"I think so. What are you doing?" Dutch queried.

"Well, if I can get over the wall, I should be able to... I dunno distract the guards or somethin', there's only three so far. Meet me at the back entrance when you hear ruckus." He murmured, Dutch was a bit skeptical but he trusted Arthur just as much as the other trusted him, and he nodded.

Getting into position with his back against the wall and his knees bent, Dutch readied his hands before nodding up at Arthur. He nodded back quickly, taking a few steps backward and taking a few breaths to hype himself up before he quickly lunged forward. Dutch hauled Arthur up as hard as he could, and stood back upright just in time to see Arthur's form disappear behind the wall.

When Arthur landed, he quickly crouched and looked around, glad he seemed to be correct in his assumptions that no one was around. Creeping around the property, Arthur only counted three guards currently on duty, he assumed the day shift was off duty currently, but he was shocked at the lack of protection... Fat cats always got too comfortable and got sloppy, this one was no different.

Eventually sneaking around, Arthur spotted a stable on the property with lanterns above the doorway. Pulling open his satchel, Arthur searched around inside for anything that could possibly aid in his quest at keeping quiet... Suddenly feeling a thin wooden object, he pulled it out and bingo, a slingshot. Arthur typically only used it when hunting small animals and it had been months since he used it but he couldn't shoot the lantern with his gun.

Picking up a few pebbles in his palm, Arthur's gaze darted around before he took a breath and loaded the slingshot. Aiming carefully he let the rock go and cursing when he missed, hearing a loud _CLACK_ off the wood, Arthur felt sweat gathering at his brow before he took another second to make sure he hadn't given his position away. Thankfully with the guards so few and far between, he seemed to be safe.

Reloading the weapon, he took aim again and concentrated heavily... Exhaling slowly before releasing the pebble and pumping his arm discreetly as he saw the fire infused oil suddenly shatter and spew forth all over the wooden structure.

However, now Arthur knew they had limited time, quickly running back around the way he came he slid along the wall and watched the back entrance, the guard stood there just as he had the entire night. Arthur could hear the horses beginning to cry out in distress, the man turned in confusion.

"Fire! Fire!" Someone suddenly yelled in the distance and without another moment the guard rushed towards the source of the call.

Arthur then ran to the back entrance in time for Dutch to jog inside, Arthur could tell he was smiling beneath his mask which warmed his heart beyond content. However as Dutch looked passed them to the back porch he froze and Arthur soon turned around to see that none other than Elena was sitting in a chair, staring somewhat blankly at them.

"... I didn't even notice she was there." Arthur murmured uneasily.

Dutch hesitated, they could run and forfeit this whole thing... But as she stared at them, Dutch got a feeling she wasn't going to tattle on them. Passing by Arthur, he walked towards the woman, putting his hands up slowly to hopefully not appear as a threat.

"Dutch." Arthur called, glancing towards the fire as the commotion became more and more chaotic, they were running out of time and fast, but Dutch didn't miss a beat, he continued walking forward.

Elena's head turned and moved as she saw Dutch approach, but otherwise, she seemed like a statue. The ebony-haired man then knelt beside her and suddenly his heart ached for this woman. She looked sickly and malnourished... And for the first time, Dutch reached up and pulled his mask down, exposing his face to the woman who sat beside him.

"... You remember me?" he asked, there was a pause but the woman slowly nodded. "Good... Do you think you can help me?" He asked, reaching into his bag and pulling out the key he had been given and holding it out for her. "... Can you tell me where this goes?"

"Dutch..!" Arthur shushed as he quickly followed behind Dutch, the woman looked at the key but said nothing and Arthur was beginning to worry this was a waste of time, she looked too broken. "Dutch I don't think she'll answer you we need to go..." He hurried, Dutch frowned as he looked up at the woman, desperately wanting to see a will to live in her and he saw nothing.

Sighing, Dutch stood back up to leave the woman behind, but suddenly her slender fingers wrapped around his wrist weakly and he quickly looked back down, the woman had a slightly urgent look on her face, which made Dutch lean down.

Leaning in, the woman's lips hovered by Dutch's ear, and her words were so soft he almost missed them but she spoke:

"... In the storage shed, under the hay... The hatch... Leads to the house."

Dutch's brows arched, feeling Elena's grasp on his arm release he pulled away and looked down. Once more she had returned to that lifeless creature that they originally encountered.

"What'd she say?" Arthur asked.

"Come on." Dutch asserted and pointed toward the shed across the driveway once he slid his bandana back up, it was within eyeshot.

Sprinting, the two men glanced over to the fire that had been building and it seemed the staff was slowly getting control of it, but they didn't have long before they overstayed their welcome. Once inside, Dutch firmly shut the door behind them.

"Well?" Arthur probed.

"Under the hay, look for a latch or a door or something. Help me." Dutch explained quickly as he began to shove the hay out of the way and with both he and Arthur's brute strength, it wasn't long before a door handle appeared on the floor, it was a pretty discreet latch.

Pulling out the key, Dutch held his breath as he inserted it in the lock and it gave away instantly. Pulling open the door, Dutch and Arthur looked down to see the tunnel leading towards the direction of the house. It must have been an old evacuation root.

"... I think we've found our entrance." Dutch marveled slightly, Arthur glanced up to him, chuckling softly in relief, but before they could celebrate, remembering they had maybe minutes before they were stuck, Dutch relocked the secret entrance and the two men tried to make it appear as they never had shown up.

Peeking out the door, Dutch waved Arthur to follow before the two booked it for the exit and once they slipped out of the gate, they snuck a safe distance away before they pulled their bandanas down once more. Things felt natural again, Dutch and Arthur doing reconnaissance together, they always worked so fluidly, it didn't feel so awkward anymore.

"Good work, Arthur." Dutch praised, reaching over and resting a palm on Arthur's back as they continued walking, whistling for the horses shortly after.

"You weren't so bad yourself." Arthur mused in reply.

Climbing back on their mounts, they didn't waste time in putting ground between them and their target's property. They remained mostly silent until they got back into the safety of town. Arthur assumed they were going back early but Dutch called out to him.

"Arthur, didn't you say you wanted a bath?" He asked, Arthur looked over with a slightly confused expression.

"Uh yeah?" He responded.

"Well, it's not too late, want to stop by a hotel? We're in town. I can walk over to the store and get some things and meet you back." Dutch offered, pleasantly surprising Arthur, reaching into his satchel he pulled out his watch, it was only 7:30, Arthur shrugged and nodded.

"That'd be great actually, you sure you don't mind?" Arthur inquired.

"Of course not. Here, there's one up there." Dutch insisted, pointing at the establishment.

"Oh... Well, thanks, Dutch." Arthur stated as they pulled up to the building and hitched their horses.

"Well, I owe you." Dutch mused all too flirtatiously for Arthur's liking, but despite that, he walked inside.

This place wasn't as big as the hotel he stayed with Abigail in, but Arthur preferred smaller businesses, they were more honest and they offered plenty of amenities, in truth all Arthur needed was a bed, he considered a bath to be a luxury. As he approached the counter he could see a disinterested man reading the paper.

"Uh, bath please?" He asked.

"Twenty-five cents... Door down the hall." The man replied dully.

Arthur rolled his eyes but tossed the coin onto the counter and went where he was directed and not long after he was sinking into a hot tub. Groaning softly as he leaned back and allowed himself the moment of privacy to relax. If he knew Dutch wasn't waiting for him, he probably would have rubbed one out but he focused on the essentials. Arthur was used to going as long as he needed without a bath, he was actually a pretty hygienic person because of it but nothing beat a nice hot bath to wash away his sins.

Scrubbing the dirt and sweat off his body, Arthur was in and out in only about fifteen or twenty minutes but he expected Dutch to be waiting in the lobby for him. When he was nowhere to be found, Arthur looked out to their horses, Dutch wasn't there either...

"You lookin' for the fella you rode in with?" The clerk asked, Arthur spun around but nodded. "He asked me to let you know what room he was staying in for the night, did you want me to book you the room next to his?" he asked, Arthur furrowed his brows, but suddenly everything clicked and once more Arthur's heart thought it would burst from his chest.

Was this Dutch's plan all along? Was that why he shut Arthur down earlier?

"U-Uh... Not yet, let me go discuss some... Things with my associate." Arthur mumbled, reaching up and rubbing the back of his neck as he tried not to appear constipated.

"Sure, he's in room 7, top floor." The stranger informed.

Arthur glanced to the stairs, part of him considered turning around... Certainly, he wasn't overthinking things right? Why else would Dutch go through all that run around with him otherwise? As he climbed the stairs, Arthur thought of his options as he ascended... He thought about a lot... John especially. If he was being realistic, the chances of bedding John again was slim to none... The other could barely stand him, and even though they were making progress Arthur didn't wanna screw that up again. He had to remind himself that he was tied down to no one, he was his own man... John had been rejecting for years...

Why was he even worried about John anyway? He had no intention of John finding out about this... Whatever _this_ was.

When Arthur finally reached the third and last floor he walked down the hallway and as he approached the door he froze once he was standing in front of it. Wiping all expectations from his mind, Arthur knocked on the door gently. It wasn't more than a few seconds before Dutch opened the door, looking handsome as hell with his black vest open and the top portion of his shirt opened casually.

"You didn't have to knock." Dutch chortled but stood aside and allowed Arthur entry.

"W-Well, I thought you'd be downstairs, I wasn't sure what you were plannin'." Arthur stumbled over his words, cursing his nerves, hearing the door close behind him, his breathing hitched as he heard the lock slide into place.

Dutch walked past Arthur again toward a bottle and two glasses stationed on one of the nightstands, and as Dutch wordlessly poured the assumed alcoholic beverage, Arthur took the chance to look around the room. It was pretty spacious, a large bed, a sitting area and a small balcony. Arthur's eyes soon went back to Dutch as he approached Arthur with the two glasses and offering him one.

"What do you think I was planning?" Dutch asked, had Arthur been drinking he would have choked but the question definitely wet Arthur's appetite and he quickly took down the entire glass down in one shot, thoroughly amusing Dutch.

"I dunno Dutch... I can't read your mind." Arthur said, his tone only slightly strained from the alcohol he figured to be brandy.

Dutch released a small huff of amusement as his gaze cast down to the floor momentarily. Taking his time to torture Arthur, he slowly took down the beverage in his hand, Arthur's cobalt hues honing in on Dutch's throat as he swallowed the drink. As Dutch finished, he looked back up to Arthur, a smirk appearing on his face when suddenly, without warning, Dutch tossed his glass aside to shatter on the floor before he grabbed two fistfuls of Arthur's shirt and slamming him into the locked door behind them.

The interaction took only seconds and had staggered Arthur enough that he too dropped his empty glass and when Arthur opened his eyes again, Dutch's face was inches from his. Arthur's breathing was shaky and he stared up at Dutch in shock.

"... Is this what you want, Arthur?" Dutch asked, his question barely audible.

Whatever thoughts Arthur had of how horrible this could go wrong, his worries about John and Abigail, all but vanished before him as the prospect of having Dutch to himself became a possible reality.

Seconds past but Arthur soon nodded, probably looking like a pathetic puppy staring up at Dutch with awe and wonder, no longer operating off of free will but sheer desire. The smirk reappeared on Dutch's lips as he leaned in, Arthur's lips fluttered shut, expecting a kiss.

"Good." Dutch purred against Arthur's lips before pulling him away from the door and into him, his arms instinctively wrapping around Arthur's waist and Arthur's arms naturally winding around Dutch's neck at the familiar pain of another feral kiss stinging his lips.

Dutch's tongue didn't wait for an invite this time around, it plunged into Arthur's mouth as the other's hands came up, throwing off Dutch's hat and grabbing a fistful of the other's hair. Hearing Dutch hiss softly into the kiss Arthur's anxiety quickly morphed into anticipation and arousal. Getting comfortable, Arthur's other hand lowered, running down Dutch's body until it found it's way against the prominent erection in Dutch's trousers.

The older man of the two gasped softly into the kiss from the unexpected grope but it was far from unwelcome. It only fueled Dutch further as he felt Arthur's hand massaging the stiffness that was continuously growing. Dutch had an impressive package, Arthur had no insecurities about his downstairs business, but he couldn't help but be a little nervous.

With the tempting of Arthur's hand, Dutch pulled his lips away from Arthur to released a small grunt, leaning down to press his lips against Arthur's neck. This was all so new, Arthur wasn't used to feeling so... Submissive, and he kind of liked it. Feeling Dutch's hands find their resting place on his ass and grasping tightly Arthur leaned his head to the side, allowing the other access to his skin.

As Dutch continued to tease Arthur, he began walking them towards the bed and once the back of Arthur's knees hit the edge of the bed, Dutch shoved him back, effectively taking Arthur's feet out from under him. Landing against the bed with a _thud_, Arthur gasped softly and looked up at Dutch, however as he saw the hungry, almost predatory look in Dutch's eyes, Arthur suddenly felt ten times smaller.

"Anything you have left on by the time I'm done undressing is getting _ripped_ off." Dutch snarled as he reached up and began to undo the rest of the buttons on his shirt.

Arthur's eyes widened some but he couldn't afford for his clothes to be torn to shreds by a horny Dutch, how was he supposed to explain that? He quickly mirrored Dutch's actins and fumbled with the buttons of his shirt. Suddenly this was real... He was about to have sex with Dutch.

> I run, I hide, because I want  
A little freedom  
But I can't get just what I want  
No, I can't beat 'em  
Why did I, do I even dare?  
She's here, and there, and everywhere  
I'm in the depths of dark despair  
I can't succeed
> 
> I'll never be the same again  
The things I've seen here  
It's absolutely evident  
I'm not asleep  
You think I must be dreaming this?  
That all I do is reminisce?  
There's nothing here to reminisce  
Nothing for me
> 
> Can you hear me calling?  
Calling out to you?  
I'm falling apart, I'm falling  
This body I must renew
> 
> I'll do anything, anything  
Anything that you need me to do  
Absolutely anything for you  
I will be aware of the ink, swim or sink  
Watching out for anything out of the blue  
But this nightmare's coming true
> 
> I used to be so beautiful  
Now look at me  
My actions are undutiful  
It's clear to see  
Come on and step out of that cage  
There's a new chapter, turn the page  
I'll take my place up on the stage  
All eyes on me
> 
> I can hear you calling  
Calling out to me  
I'm falling down, I'm falling  
Won't you set me free?
> 
> I'll do anything, anything  
Anything that you need me to do  
Absolutely anything for you  
I will be aware of the ink, swim or sink  
Watching out for anything out of the blue  
But this nightmare's coming true  
What have I got myself into?
> 
> Have you ever wondered what heaven is like?  
I'd like to dream that it is quite beautiful  
A soft valley of green grass blanketed by a warm sun  
I don't think I'll ever get to see it  
Are you ready to ascend, my little errand boy?  
The heavens are waiting!
> 
> You'll do anything, anything  
Anything that I ask you to do  
But you don't have a clue  
'Cuz I can guarantee, guarantee  
The demon's always after me and you  
But this nightmare's coming true  
Look what you've got yourself into
> 
> source: [Absolutely Anything (feat. Or3o) by CG5](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BEki9GqJL8E)


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I try not to toot my own horn but ya'll better get ready for some Daddy Dutch ;D

_Anything you have left on by the time I'm done undressing is getting ripped off._

As bits and pieces of clothing began to fall off the bed, Arthur's mind was racing, he couldn't believe this was happening. This whole time he thought he had been crazy until last night and after last night he would have undone it if he had the possibility... Until now. Watching as Dutch's vest fell off his form he reached up and began to unbutton his shirt and beginning to expose skin that Arthur had permission to stare at.

Dutch's hands trailed down, opening his shirt fully and for the first time... Arthur was seeing Dutch as a man. A fucking handsome man. His bronzed skin rippled effortlessly against his frame, unlike Arthur, Dutch didn't have many scars, he was a man of words and undoubtedly the smartest man Arthur ever knew, he could escape from situations in ways Arthur would never understand.

Getting slightly caught up in his view, Arthur blinked and resumed his work on himself, shrugging out of his shirt quickly. While Arthur wanted to believe this was one-sided, as Dutch looked down at him with that awestricken expression on his face, Arthur did his best but ultimately failed at keeping his blush hidden.

"You better hurry up, Arthur." Dutch mused tantalizingly, reaching down and beginning to unbuckle his belt, huffing Arthur averted his gaze and followed in Dutch's movements.

Dutch had the advantage standing up, as soon as he pulled his belt off and flung it over the bedpost, he took ahold of the waistband of his pants and shoved them down past his waist. Without so much as a split second, his tumescence made itself known, bouncing up almost giddily in expectation of what was to come. Arthur gulped at the size, while he wasn't a smart man, he knew he was the one getting fucked tonight, and he wouldn't have it any other way.

"... Too late, son." Dutch stated simply, a rather carnal glint appearing in his dark eyes. "Looks like I'll have to punish you." He drawled, Arthur's breathing beginning to speed up some as Dutch stepped up to him. "... You ready for your lesson on respect?" He asked.

Arthur had been with quite a few people in his life, both men and women, but blood had never rushed so fast to his manhood and he knew the only thing that would be stopping this would be an act of God himself. He shuddered from the words alone, knowing now he was wrapped around Dutch's finger.

"Yes, Dutch..." Arthur muttered, almost sounding breathless as he stared up at Dutch, looking like a lamb before the lion's den and Dutch loved it.

Hearing his name come off of Arthur's lips in such a needy way, Dutch had every intention of wrecking him. He had been suppressing this desire for his protege for longer than he ever knew, and now he was his... His, Dutch really liked the sound of that.

Wasting no more time, Dutch forced Arthur's pants off his body, thankfully no ripping sounds were heard. Being so exposed to Dutch in such an intimate way made Arthur almost feel shy. His confidence had always been an issue but not in this department, thankfully before his mind could get the better of him, Dutch began crawling on top of him, gently prodding Arthur's legs apart until he had them guided around his waist, feeling Dutch's shaft rubbing against him drove Arthur wild.

As Dutch positioned himself knelt between Arthur's legs looking down Arthur's body, with a free hand Dutch rested his palm upon Arthur's shoulder before caressing it further towards the areas in which Arthur had only longed for. However, Dutch took his time for the moment, allowing his fingertips to graze any and every scar that was in his path. As his palm drifted to Arthur's pectoral muscle once more, he found himself drawn to the buds positioned perfectly on his chest.

Shivering Arthur winced once he felt Dutch's digits starting to toy with his nipple again. Arthur's arms came up to rest above his head to make sure Dutch had full access to his body, leaving himself open and vulnerable in a way that only fueled their need for one another. Finally leaning down, Dutch kissed Arthur again, the gesture slower and less rushed, Dutch reminded himself they had all night after all.

Unable to help himself, one of Arthur's hands came down to run his fingers greedily through Dutch's hair, however without warning, Dutch bit Arthur's lip harshly, reopening the split that he had the night before and forced Arthur's arm back up above his head. The pain and the rough nature of the movement earning a small hiss and gasp from Arthur, staring up at Dutch slightly dumbfounded when he pulled back to look down at Arthur, the expression Dutch had on was playfully insufferable and Arthur suddenly regretted giving Dutch this power over him because he fucking loved it.

"Remember, Arthur... Good boys get rewarded, bad boys get punished." He huffed, Dutch's breathing gently coasting over Arthur's lips.

"C'mon, Dutch... Stop teasing me..." Arthur groaned softly in exasperation, watching as the other sat up and tower over him once more, grinning wickedly.

"Ah-ah-ah..." He crooned softly before unraveling Arthur's legs from around his hips and instead of spreading Arthur's legs openly, leaning over and gently kissing one of Arthur's knees, the gesture alone making Arthur's heart flutter at the gentle nature of it. "You're being punished Arthur..." He stated seriously, his tone held no room for argument.

Arthur glared up at Dutch defiantly but as the other climbed back off the bed and nodded to the pillows, telling Arthur to move silently, he considered briefly opposing the man above him. Surprisingly, Arthur moved without a hassle. Dutch's commands were definitely doing something to him and he wanted more, in fact, he was excited about this so-called_ punishment._

Once Arthur's head was lying against the pillow, he spread his bent knees as they had been before, satisfying Dutch's eyes more than necessary. Moving towards Arthur again instead of resuming their positions like before, Dutch laid on his stomach in front of Arthur, confusing him briefly. Arthur almost propped himself up to look down but remembering Dutch's order Arthur managed to keep his arms above his head, his hands lightly squeezing the fabric of the sleeping item as he waited as patiently as he could.

With the meal that had been so eagerly presented to him, Dutch thought he was going to go mad with lust. Positioning his head between Arthur's legs he reached out, his soul quivering as he saw Arthur's chest rise quickly and his legs slightly twitch when his slender fingers _finally_ came in contact with his cock. Wrapping around it gently at first to get the feel of it, Dutch slowly ran his hand up the length towards the head, his grip getting firmer and firmer the closer he got and once he reached the tip, he leaned in, placing a wet sloppy kiss upon the head as it leaked with excitement.

Arthur was not a submissive man, he knew that but right now all he wanted was for Dutch to fuck him like a wild animal and he never wanted to leave. At the feeling of Dutch's lips suddenly at the head of his dick, Arthur cringed as he tried to keep his noises of approval down. Dutch could feel Arthur fidgeting with pleasure and that compared to his personal flavor only drove Dutch further and with that kiss, Arthur's hard-on disappeared into Dutch's mouth.

Unable to help it, Arthur released a soft and shaky groan, feeling Dutch's head travel lower and lower. Suddenly it occurred to Arthur... If Dutch was new to this, there was no way he would have been able to damn near swallow Arthur's shaft. Leaning his head back, Arthur's grip on his pillow tightened and his breaths were beginning to become louder as Dutch raised his head and fell again, effectively starting a rhythm.

Arthur couldn't believe it, Dutch was sucking him off... And he was _good_ at it, it only made Arthur wonder who exactly the man below him was. He never would have guessed that Dutch of all people liked men and the fact that he chose Arthur over everyone stunned him beyond comprehension.

While Dutch was more than happy blowing Arthur, that's not what he had in mind for long. He listened carefully, hearing Arthur's breathing hitching and then speeding up, hitching and speeding up, Arthur was enjoying himself and this was only the beginning.

Suddenly, Dutch pulled himself off of Arthur's cock, the cold air stinging the lubricated member-only briefly and in a way that made Arthur arch his back for a moment. Right when he was about to ask what Dutch was doing, he released a sharp gasp into the room as Dutch's tongue suddenly invaded his ass. He wasn't expecting it and it felt so fucking good...

Feeling Arthur struggle beneath him and tasting him in his most intimate areas, Dutch was certain he could eat this ass for breakfast, lunch, and dinner and be completely satisfied, he was a man who only dined on the most delectable meals placed before him and there was no mistake about what Arthur was. He didn't worry about manners, he licked and slurped away as Arthur's hardness began leaking more and more. He was getting close, grinning, Dutch pulled back only briefly to see the sparkling entrance of Arthur's hole, wet and relaxed but right now Dutch was only concerned about one thing... Arthur's punishment.

With one hand, he reached up and began to stroke Arthur's length at a pretty quick pace while his other came out to rest the pad of his thumb against Arthur's contracted hole, the new feeling only adding to Arthur's pleasure as he felt a building sensation within him. Dutch's teasing was about to pay off.

"D-Dutch... I-I'm gonna cum." Arthur warned, his voice contorted with lust and his face redder than a summer evening.

"Not without my permission." Dutch replied evenly, and without another word plunged his middle finger as far as he could inside of Arthur. "That would be a reward... And I don't reward bad boys."

Arching his back sharper than he had before, Arthur's mouth fell open and a struggled moan/huff made its way out of him. He had never felt someone touch him in such a perverted way and feeling Dutch's finger beginning to move within him Arthur thought he would faint with how good it felt. He had never allowed himself to be taken by another man, and now he almost felt like he had been cheating himself, Dutch knew his body better than he did, and now he needed more.

Dutch made sure to curve his finger upwards a bit, massaging Arthur's insides and feeling how tightly they contracted on his digit, Dutch couldn't wait to feel that warmth holding onto him for dear life. Pulling out his finger and hearing Arthur released a huff of breath, Dutch was quick to push it back in. Hearing Arthur in itself felt like a treat, he had wondered on more than one occasion what Arthur looked like when he came and he wanted to break Arthur down into his own needy little whore.

Curving his finger upwards again in a slightly _come hither_ motion, Arthur felt himself crumbling. He wanted to obey Dutch, he wanted to be good... Feeling a second finger slide inside him, Arthur knew he wouldn't be able to last much longer and once he felt Dutch's mouth latch onto one of his balls and suckle greedily while he both fingered him and jerked him off, Arthur came undone.

Arching his back dramatically, Arthur's stream erupted from his shaft and spurted irreverently over his stomach and navel, the overwhelming pleasure causing Arthur to released harsh breaths, moaning as he desperately tried to keep himself at a safe volume but in all honestly he had no clue how loud he was. When Arthur opened his eyes, he was just in time to see Dutch sitting back up and gently wiped his mouth with his thumb as he smirked down at Arthur, the action was rather erotic and made another small jolt of pleasure course through Arthur in his oversensitive post-orgasm bliss.

"Dirty boy... You've gone and made a mess of yourself." Dutch snickered, all too pleased with himself as he looked down upon Arthur who's chest rose and lowered rapidly, his body somewhat shining with the light sheen of sweat that had gathered during the brutal teasing as well being streaked with ropes of his own ejaculate. "... And now your punishment _really_ begins." Dutch then growled.

Arthur was still panting as Dutch rewrapped his legs around his hips, still reeling from his orgasm when he abruptly felt something warm and wet rubbing against his entrance. The obscene feeling of Dutch's cock rubbing against him made Arthur's body slightly twitch from the stimulation. Dutch had himself positioned for direct impact and he had slowly rubbed himself over Arthur's wetness, finally feeling it for himself.

As Dutch began to press himself forward, at last, the only thing Arthur could hear was his heartbeat before he was suddenly full of none other than Dutch. At first, Arthur grunted, only in a _slightly_ undignified manner, but as he managed to open his eyes, he could see that for once, Dutch seemed to falter albeit just for a moment. He had hunched over some, feeling Arthur's walls give away and hug him so tightly was almost too much to bear, but as Dutch opened his eyes as well, his heated and raw glare landing on Arthur, the other averted his gaze, feeling Dutch overpower him in the most delightful of ways.

After a few moments, Dutch began to slide out, giving Arthur some much-needed reprieve to breathe, nearly slipping out of Arthur before thrusting himself back in quickly, hearing his hips firmly slap against Arthur's, who gasped out loudly at the painful intrusion, automatically, one of his arms went to cover his eyes as they stung with tears for a moment. Arthur didn't cry often, he could probably count on one hand how many times he had and he wasn't about to now, however, Dutch gently prodded Arthur's arm away from his face and for a few moments guilt took over dark hues.

While Dutch wanted to leave Arthur limping, he didn't want to hurt him just for the sake of doing so and he certainly never wanted to make him cry. He had never asked if Arthur had been fucked before, though in hindsight it was obvious. Leaning down, Dutch gently kissed away the single tear that fell from one of Arthur's eyes before his lips wandered to the cup of his lover's ear.

"Don't give up yet, Arthur... Your reward will be worth it." He whispered encouragingly, the hand that was resting against Arthur's hip gently rubbing in circles to provide more comfort.

Arthur released a few huffs of breath as the pain began easing away and when he felt Dutch kiss his cheek, his eyes fluttered open. He had no intention of giving up, his somewhat shaky hands coming down to rest on Dutch's cheeks and quickly brought the other down to kiss him feverishly like there was nothing else on earth he needed more in that moment. Their tongues tangoed effortlessly like they had been all of their lives, everything with Dutch just felt so right, no matter how painful and tasting himself so erotically on Dutch's tongue only made him sure of himself further.

Only pulling back when the need to breathe was unbearable, Arthur's glazed over ocean eyes met Dutch's black holes and he felt himself getting sucked in all over again.

"D-Don't stop..." Arthur muttered off the breathy end of a sigh, watching the dominance ignite in Dutch's gaze again.

"Good boy." Dutch praised, grinning as he leaned in to peck Arthur's lips briefly. "Good boys... Get rewarded." Dutch purred against Arthur's lips before his head began to sink downward.

Kissing Arthur's neck greedily, Dutch slowly pulled out again, only this time, he didn't push in nearly as rough and Arthur didn't hurt nearly as much as he had before. In fact, as his brain fully processed that Dutch was _inside_ him, Arthur's blush returned and he leaned his head back once more, exposing his throat to the man above him submissively as his hands rested on Dutch's shoulders, slowly slithering around him and allowing his hands to run over the expanse of his partner's back.

Dutch took his time, relishing every single kiss he planted on Arthur's skin, moving around freely, gently nipping Arthur's throat just to tease him before he picked a spot further down Arthur's neck before his teeth clamped down. Arthur winced some, but feeling Dutch mark him as he was being fucked was too good to pass up. Finally releasing a small sigh, Arthur's legs slightly tightened around Dutch's waist.

By the time Dutch pulled away, there was a deep, dark bruise that stood out brilliantly against Arthur's milky skin. He was so goddamn cute, from the tan lines on his neck to the scars from their many travels. If he wasn't so goddamn close to losing it, Dutch would have kissed every single one of them, but right now there was one thing that stood out in his mind.

Leaning down a bit further, Arthur's eyes flew open as Dutch suddenly sucked one of his nipples between his lips, his tongue encircling it as he sucked gingerly. The small bolt of pleasure coming at the perfect time as Dutch had slid back inside him once again, both feelings of completely different pleasure making Arthur moan louder than he had intended and he soon found one of Dutch's hand quickly cupping over his mouth.

"Shhh..." He shushed quietly, smirking once more. "We gotta stay quiet... I'd really hate to have to stop." He teased, seeing Arthur's eyes narrow at him a bit at the blatant threat, but Arthur knew he wouldn't be able to handle Dutch not finishing what he started and he lived to serve him.

After Dutch took his hand from Arthur's mouth, the warning stuck out in Arthur's mind as the torturously slow pace of Dutch's hips began to increase, the other rolling his hips into him in the most mind-numbing of ways. Biting his lip Arthur grunted and groaned as quietly as he could in time with Dutch's hips, the man above him finally beginning to experience what he had been waiting for this whole night.

Huffing out a breath, Dutch's eyes shut as he simply focused on the feeling of Arthur below him. Not only was Arthur a virgin in this aspect, but he was so fucking gorgeous, his eyes reflecting the lust that Dutch had in his own... It almost felt as if their bodies understood each other perfectly, and all at once, Arthur had a realization.

They_ both_ needed this.

It could have been a coincidence that he and Dutch had found this in each other, but all Arthur knew right now was he had spent years alone, punishing himself for his past mistakes... And Dutch had done the same.

Now, knowing that _this_ was real, they were finally able to be with someone and share themselves with someone who understood them without judgment and without fear. What this meant for the future, Arthur didn't know nor did he care, all he could feel was Dutch's thick shaft massaging him in a way that he thought was going to put him under, but once he felt Dutch rub against a _special_ spot inside him, Arthur couldn't stop the involuntary arch of his back, his eyes briefly rolling as his own hand swiftly slapped over his mouth to contain the loud moan that was escaping him.

Both seeing and feeling the reaction from Arthur, Dutch winced and grunted as Arthur's ass clamped down on his member so tightly his thrusts faltered for a second. Opening his eyes, seeing Arthur's eyes physically rolling back into his skull he was sure he had never seen anything so sexy.

"D-Dutch..." Arthur seemed to whimper once he was able to take his hand away from his mouth. "Right there... Please, right there..." He begged, earning a slightly taken aback look from Dutch.

Yes, he had been working toward making Arthur beg, but to actually _witness_ it was something else. Immediately, Dutch wanted nothing more than to fulfill Arthur's whiny request. Pulling himself away from Arthur so he could sit up, he took a moment to look down at Arthur, knowing this would be the last time he paused before they finished he took ahold of Arthur's hips firmly, making sure he was angling himself as best he could to please the spoiled boy beneath him.

"Is this where you need it? _Right, _**_here__?_**_" _Dutch asked, accentuating his last two words by ramming his hips into Arthur's and watching with pure fucking enjoyment as Arthur's mouth fell open and he seemed to crumble into nothing but Dutch's little plaything. "Tell me how much you love it." He ordered off the tail end of a breathy grunt, knowing his end was sooner rather than later, now was the time to really indulge and fuck Arthur to his heart's content, but first...

Arthur's body trembled with excitement and pleasure as Dutch nearly jackhammered himself into him, the feeling was unlike any other and he was ready to fully submit... He wanted Dutch, he wanted to see Dutch finally come undone. Panting out quickly, Arthur held out his arms, only warming Dutch's heart some with how frankly adorable it was, and he was quick to lean back down so that Arthur was able to wrap his arms around him once more.

"Please Dutch... I've never needed anything so fucken much..." Arthur drawled almost drunkenly up against Dutch's ear. "Fuck me." He slurred, effectively convincing Dutch to give Arthur his final reward.

"Fuck..." Dutch said thickly, groaning before leaning in and kissing Arthur aggressively once more, tasting the familiar metallic taste of blood on his lips.

With no other time to spare, Dutch began to thrust into Arthur almost like his life depended on it, the pleasure of giving in to something that felt so right made bringing the both of them to climax easily. Within a couple of minutes, Dutch could feel the building of his orgasm, he pulled away and with the hand that wasn't holding the bulk of his weight off of Arthur, he delved his fingers into his protege's hair and while cupping the back of his head, bringing him towards his shoulder.

"Bite down on me." Dutch instructed breathlessly, he wasn't specific as to why, but as Arthur began experiencing the tell-tale signs of release, he was soon able to figure it out.

This time, however, was a bit different, the building sensation was intense but not unwelcome. Arthur could feel his face getting hot and his heart was racing, but as Dutch continued to rub and massage where he had begged for previously it wasn't long before he felt his toes beginning to curl.

Suddenly, Arthur realized exactly why Dutch had told him to bite down, as soon as his second, and more importantly his _other_ orgasm hit him, Arthur's teeth sunk into Dutch's skin as he rode through the most intense pleasure he had ever felt, truthfully he thought he was going to pass out at first. Feeling Arthur's rhythmic spasms deep inside him as his orgasm started and at Arthur's teeth breathing his skin, Dutch released a low guttural groan like something deep within the pits of his being and Arthur's teeth did just the trick in forcing Dutch over the edge himself.

Driving himself as deeply as he could into Arthur, his cock pulsing in time with Arthur as his seed spilled out and into his good little protege. He kept himself still and waited until the waves of pleasure had finally ceased and all that could be heard between them was their breathless huffs of air as they both came down from the high of release. Arthur's eyes had been shut once he felt his spirit leave his body and they only fluttered open weakly as he felt Dutch's sweaty forehead press against his own.

As Arthur's senses began returning to him, getting a good look at Dutch for the first time in what felt like hours. He could see that Dutch's usual well-groomed curly hair was frizzed out from their activities and he could feel the sweat on the other's back. Seeing, feeling, and smelling the sex that had just transpired between them was far more satisfying than Arthur ever thought it could be and right then he knew that this was the best sex he ever had. When Dutch opened his eyes once more, he chuckled softly and reached out to wipe Arthur's lips free of the blood from his neck, and Arthur was too exhausted to question what he was doing but as his hazy eyes managed to focus on the man above him again, he saw a few droplets of blood run down Dutch's shoulder.

"S-Sorry..." Arthur panted breathlessly, Dutch shook his head.

"Don't be."

After a few minutes of allowing themselves to catch up with their breathing and once Dutch felt himself going soft, he leaned in and giving Arthur one last slow but sweet kiss before pushing himself up and allowing Arthur to release his hips and finally pulling himself out. Seeing his load slowly leak out of Arthur made Dutch's cock twitch but he was quick to flop onto his back next to Arthur on the bed, folding his arms behind his back as they laid in the silence.

Despite all the worries that Arthur had about this passionate affair, he couldn't bring himself to regret it. In fact, he hadn't felt so alive in years, only now did he realize that not once through his entire... _Interaction,_ with Dutch, he never once thought of John and he also couldn't bring himself to feel guilty. John had rejected him for so long, not that Arthur didn't deserve it, and he also seemed happy with Abigail, getting involved with him now would be disrespectful to both John _and _Abigail... So maybe this was for the best after all.

While Arthur justified what had just happened in his head, which he reminded himself he didn't need to, Dutch reached over to the end table and grabbing a pack of cigarettes that had been sitting there for this occasion specifically and pursed one in his mouth.

"Want one?" Dutch asked, bringing Arthur out of his self-loathing, glancing over Arthur nodded and grabbed one from the pack.

"Thanks." He mentioned as Dutch grabbed a lighter and lit both of their tobacco sticks.

Once again, silence filled the air, and while it wasn't an uncomfortable silence, Arthur was still... Unsure. What now? Where did they go from here? Now that Dutch had his fill was he going to want to end this?

"How you feelin'?" Dutch then questioned.

"Sore." Arthur snorted softly as they looked over to one another for a moment but he offered Dutch a small smile, but this one was different, completely unguarded and relaxed. "... But good." He added, Dutch chortled richly as he looked back up to the ceiling. "What are you laughing at?"

"Nothing, I was just thinking off back in the day actually." Dutch explained.

"Wanna enlighten me?" Arthur inquired as he arched a brow over at Dutch while he breathed in the nicotine, watching as Dutch looked over again with a grin.

"You remember when Hosea and I picked you up?" Dutch asked.

"Vaguely." Arthur replied dryly.

"Well, it was maybe... Six months after you had started tagging along with us, remember the first time you got in real trouble?"

"As I recall, I was a little shit so you'll have to be less enigmatic." Arthur scoffed in good humor.

"I'm surprised you don't... You, me and Hosea were in a town and you slinked off to steal some bastards horse, and when we found you he and two other men had you up against a wall with a gun to your throat." Dutch recollected, and soon Arthur remembered exactly what he was talking about.

"Oh yeah... It was the first and last time Hosea smacked me." Arthur mentioned fondly with a small snicker. "That old man had some backhand..." He mused.

"Yeah, you remember that night?" Dutch asked, confusing Arthur for a moment. "It was... I don't even know how late it was... But when I woke up, you were sitting at the edge of my cot... You'd never even let me pat you on the back before." He said, a nostalgic smile coming over Dutch's expression. "... I asked what you were doing up and you told me you had a nightmare... Bout those men and you asked why I didn't let them kill you."

Now he remembered, Arthur never wanted to admit it, but that occasion was one of the few that actually had truly frightened him and he couldn't stop thinking about what would have happened had Dutch and Hosea not shown up when they did.

"... Yeah, you told me because as long as I made my home with you, you'd always have my back." Arthur said, his heart swelling with how much that night meant to him, he hadn't thought about it in years.

"You're right." Dutch chuckled. "... I asked if you wanted to just sleep with me and without even looking at me you laid down next to me." He sighed, that memory had meant everything to him, it told Dutch that Arthur had finally trusted him and nothing was sweeter than that and he knew that Arthur would be the most well-adjusted man Dutch had ever known... And he was right.

"... Just for the record, this is _nothing_ like that." Arthur mused making Dutch laugh heartily.

"Of course not... But it's memories like those that keep me going when I'm not able to be free." Dutch explained, only making Arthur's heart throb with how fucking accurate he was for both of them.

"... Me too." Arthur said softly, ashing his cigarette in the tray next to the bed as he felt sleep beginning to plague his thoughts and for once he had no doubts that he would be sleeping peacefully tonight.

> Sometimes I'm beaten, sometimes I'm broke  
'Cause sometimes this city is nothing but smoke  
Is there a secret? Is there a code?  
Can we make it better? 'Cause I'm losing hope
> 
> Tell me how to be in this world  
Tell me how to breathe in and feel no hurt  
Tell me how 'cause I believe in something  
I believe in us
> 
> After the wreckage, after the dust  
I still hear the howling, I still feel the rush  
Over the riots, above all the noise  
Through all the worry I still hear your voice
> 
> So tell me how to be in this world  
Tell me how to breathe in and feel no hurt  
Tell me how 'cause I believe in something  
I believe in us  
Tell me when the light goes down  
That even in the dark we will find a way out  
Tell me now 'cause I believe in something  
I believe in us  
Oh
> 
> We used to be kids living just for kicks  
In cinema seats learning how to kiss  
Running through streets, they were painted gold  
We never believed we'd grow up like this
> 
> So tell me how to be in this world  
Tell me how to breathe in and feel no hurt  
Tell me how 'cause I believe in something  
I believe in us  
Tell me when the light goes down  
That even in the dark we will find a way out  
Tell me now 'cause I believe in something  
I believe in us  
I believe in something  
I believe in us
> 
> source: [Us by James Bay & Alicia Keys](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D4oS_-tOvU0)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FINALLY. I've been waiting for so long to do this chapter and I am extremely happy and proud of how this went and I hope it was worth all the teasing and build up! Do let me know in the comments what you think!  
-Eros


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> While this chapter isn't TOO thicc with plot, it's fluffy enough. :)

When Arthur's eyes fluttered open the next morning, like usual the first thing to hit him was confusion, he was comfortable and warm all tangled up in the sheets while the bulk of the soiled comforter had been pushed onto the floor... And then he felt the slow and peaceful coasting of Dutch's breath against the back of his neck and none other than Dutch's arm draped around him as they slept. It was actually a nice feeling... And for the first time in years, Arthur didn't wake up so empty.

For a while, Arthur laid there while Dutch snoozed, peering over at the bedside clock, it showed that it was about nine o'clock and even though Arthur knew they had to get on the road to head back to camp... He was so cozy and in all truths, he needed to process last night... Dutch _fucked_ him... At least the other had the courtesy of lending him a handkerchief with the mess before passing out.

Almost as if Dutch could read his mind, Arthur felt him stirring and gently nuzzling into his hair which in all honestly gave Arthur butterflies. Beginning to feel Dutch's hand move toward his hip and rubbing in small circles, Arthur rolled his eyes.

"Nice try." He mused quietly.

"What do you mean..?" Dutch asked groggily, nosing his way passed Arthur's locks until his lips pressed into the back of his neck, making his hair stand on end.

"We gotta get back, Dutch..." Arthur reminded and heard Dutch sigh somewhat dramatically before rolling onto his back and away from Arthur.

"I know..." He muttered, his eyes fluttering shut as he stared at the ceiling.

Feeling the warmth of Dutch leave his back, Arthur immediately regretted his words but he rolled back to mirror Dutch and look over at him, noting the slightly troubled look on his expression.

"... You alright?" Arthur asked, watching Dutch open his eyes and look over, his black eyes drawing Arthur in as they always did.

"... Yeah, I'm just... Tired." Dutch mentioned, only confusing Arthur further.

"Well... We did use a lot of energy last night." Arthur mused, watching a grin break out on Dutch's features for a moment before he looked over at Arthur.

"... That we did." He replied before scooting back towards Arthur and slowly rolling over on top of him.

"Dutch..." Arthur chuckled softly but his lips were soon covered with Dutch's again.

Reaching up, Arthur was unable to help running his calloused fingers through Dutch's hair, enjoying the small curls that wrapped around his digits as well as simply enjoying Dutch's lips so delicately on his own. Although, as they began traveling down Arthur's neck, he was quick to gently push Dutch back.

"No, no... You can't fuck me into forgetting what I was talking about." He stated, arching a brow at Dutch who rolled his eyes some.

"You know me too well... But I know you." Dutch replied smoothly before leaning down and planting feather-light kisses on his chest.

"D-Dutch we really gotta-"

Arthur was abruptly cut off when he felt Dutch's lips encapsulate one of his nipples. His cobalt globes fluttered shut as a shaky breath left his chest, he hated how sensitive his nipples were... Often when he was trying to get off quick, one hand would work on his manhood while the other toyed with his buds.

"What was that, Arthur..?" Dutch inquired after a few moments into the teasing, though when Arthur's eyes opened, they were challenging and they kind of took Dutch by surprise.

"... Dutch, what is goin' on?" He asked seriously. "... I gotta feelin' you're just tryin' to brush something off or... Shut me up or somethin'." Arthur explained, frowning somewhat up at Dutch, and he could see the other man's eyebrow slightly twitch before he exhaled once more and reached up to run a hand through Arthur's hair, the intimate gesture made Arthur feel warm inside.

"... I shoulda known you wouldn't fall for this." Dutch chuckled tiredly before rolling off Arthur once more and laying there next to him, folding his arms behind his head once more.

This time Arthur sat up, as he went to ask what the hell Dutch was thinking about, a sudden sharp pain shot up the base of Arthur's back from a very... _Specific_ place, wincing Dutch quickly glanced over and a smirk was quick to form. Once Arthur composed his facial expression he sent a pointed look over to Dutch.

"Don't say a word." He growled softly, Dutch shook his head quickly.

"I didn't."

"Mhm... What's the secret, Dutch?" Arthur inquired, analyzing Dutch's facial features and body language closely, and automatically he could tell Dutch was uncomfortable... Did he regret this?

"Nothin'... Really it's just..." Dutch muttered, and suddenly a pang hit Arthur in the chest and he understood...

"... Oh." Arthur mumbled and looked away before quickly scooting away from Dutch and standing up despite cringing once more.

"Wait, wait Arthur that's-"

"No, it's fine." Arthur quipped, trying to do damage control quickly and self preserve as he began gathering his clothes. "But we really should get back."

Dutch was just as fast to get up and up and rush over to Arthur and gently catch one of his arms.

"Arthur, Arthur, wait please." Dutch pleaded, Arthur kept his gaze away, afraid if he looked his heart would shatter. "It's not you or last night... Last night was... The best night I've had in..." When Dutch trailed off, Arthur managed to catch his breath long enough to almost pathetically look up to meet Dutch's gaze. "... I just don't know where to go from here." he confessed, calming Arthur some.

"... You think I do?" Arthur asked, his eyes radiating with fear. "... Y-You can't play these mind games with me Dutch-"

Suddenly Dutch yanked Arthur into his arms, wrapping his arms tightly around Arthur's naked waist despite him protesting at first. Eventually, due to his soreness and just due to the fact he could never fight Dutch for long, Dutch buried his face into the crook of Arthur's neck and held him there as he finally rested his hands onto Dutch's shoulders.

"I'm sorry." Dutch apologized, pulling back so he could get a glimpse of Arthur's beautiful eyes. "... Look, come on, sit down... I obviously did a number on you last night." he ushered, a small nervous smile creeping to his face as he saw Arthur roll his eyes slightly and shove him away before dropping the clothes in his grasp.

"... That doesn't mean anything." Arthur huffed as he... Hobbled, back over to the bed, sitting down with a small grunt and releasing a small breath of tension from his overworked body, riding his horse would be torture.

"No?" Dutch questioned curiously as he followed Arthur and sat down next to him, reaching over and resting a hand over on Arthur's bare thigh, Arthur glanced down and couldn't help the speeding up of his heart, gulping as he felt Dutch's lips on his shoulder and then his neck. "Didn't sound like nothing last night."

Arthur took a breath once more and glanced over when Dutch had pulled his lips away from his neck. Despite Arthur feeling that Dutch was trying to avoid what was really bothering him... The tenderness in his eyes was hard to deny and he was quickly forced to look away lest he be drawn in.

"... What now, Dutch?" Arthur finally asked, seeing Dutch move his gaze forward in his peripheral.

"... I dunno." The other replied, releasing a small puff of air before leaning back and falling onto the bed gently from the sitting position. "... I just... I-I don't know how to-..." Dutch mumbled, intriguing Arthur slightly.

"Don't know how to what?"

"... This, the whole... Relationship crap... I-I don't think I can do it again." Dutch finally said, Arthur nodded, he understood after all.

"I get that." Arthur replied, finally looking back over to him, seeing relief flood Dutch's face.

"... Really?" He asked.

For that split moment, all of the heartbreak in Arthur's life ran past him in quick-time... Mary, his first love... Eliza and Isaac, his ultimate failures... And John.

"Yeah... I know how you feel." Arthur explained briefly. "Look... I'm not tryin' to tie you down." He stated seriously before he too leaned onto his back next to Dutch as the other looked over to him. "How about we just... I dunno... Go one day at a time?" He asked.

"You know I like plans." Dutch mused in good humor.

"Yeah well... Plannin' don't work on this kind of job, Dutch." Arthur replied, realizing it had taken him far too long to learn that.

"... As long as no one ever finds out." Dutch then said seriously, a pit forming in Arthur's stomach just thinking about it.

"Of course not." Arthur replied just as seriously.

This was... Going okay actually, he might've had to rip it out of Dutch but... They got there. Arthur racked his brain trying to understand why conversations like this with Dutch were so easy and yet with everyone else he ever cared about he couldn't stop putting his foot in his mouth. Maybe because they weren't in love... They were just to people who knew each other inside and out and took comfort in each other when they couldn't take it anywhere else.

Arthur turned his eyes back up to the ceiling, only glancing over somewhat as he felt the bed shifting only to see Dutch scooting closer to him once more and climbing on top of him. Turning his gaze away briefly, Arthur flinched when he felt Dutch's lips on his neck again and Dutch's body beginning to prod in between his legs.

"Dutch-"

"I never want you to feel like I'm playin' games with you, Arthur." Dutch then said with confidence, actually shocking Arthur with its authenticity, and when Dutch caressed his cheek Arthur leaned into it this time.

"... I just don't know what you're thinkin' Dutch." Arthur sighed in exasperation. "And we don't have time for this."

"We have plenty of time for me to make this up to you... " Dutch purred, intriguing Arthur once more before Dutch leaned down and planted a slow, long kiss on Arthur's lips and beginning to trail down once more.

This time, instead of just stopping at the sensitive bundles of nerves on Arthur's chest Dutch continued until he had carefully climbed off the side of the bed and crawled in between Arthur's legs. Maneuvering Arthur gently to provide as much comfort as he could, Dutch positioned Arthur's legs carefully on his shoulders as he got a face full of Arthur's morning wood.

"Dutch we really don't- Ah!" Arthur gasped and quickly clapped a palm over his mouth as he felt Dutch's tongue unexpectedly slide inside him.

One hand reached up to begin stroking Arthur's shaft at a painfully slow rhythm while Dutch's lips and mouth went to work on eating out the most important meal of the day and without any doubt in Arthur's mind, he knew he could get used to this.

* * *

"I got it, I got it." Came the soothing words of Susan as once again as she held Abigail's hair back while she spewed after her own breakfast.

"I-I don't understand... I-I don't know how I could be ill." Abigail sputtered once she was certain she was done and straightening up, sighing in relief as she saw Susan already holding a mug of water for her.

While Abigail rinsed her mouth out with water, Susan looked at her with a critical eye. They couldn't resist anyone being contagious in camp especially with a serious illness but if Abigail _wasn't_ ill...

"Abigail sweetheart um... Come take a walk with me, maybe going to the waterside will help clear your mind." Susan offered and guided Abigail towards the reservoir near the camp and worked out how she would ask her very pointed question, glancing around to assure Abigail's privacy, Susan looked back with a severe expression and just decided to be blunt. "... Abigail how many people are you sleeping with?"

"Excuse me?" Abigail quipped, furrowing her brows and frowning. "... I don't think that's any of your business, Miss Grimshaw." She tried to say as level headed as possible.

"It is when you could be bringin' new mouths for us to feed." Susan replied shortly, watching Abigail pause and beginning to process the situation in her head.

"... I-... I'm not..."

"... When was your last bleed?" Susan asked, staring at Abigail intently, who slowly began to realize she didn't even catch that she was late. "... Abigail?"

"I-I... I didn't... There was so much happening I-..." Abigail stuttered beginning to panic as she rested a hand on her belly, Susan frowned and quickly took her free hand.

"Calm down darlin'." Susan soothed. "Breathe... Do you have... _Any_ idea who the father is?" Susan asked, not trying to sound judgmental in any way, most of the woman she knew lived the kind of life like Abigail's anyway.

"I... Think so... There's two." She mumbled, and Susan wasn't stupid.

"... John and Arthur?" She asked softly, watching Abigail nod as tears began to appear in her eyes, Susan was swift to bring her into an embrace. "It's alright... We got you, sweetheart. You helped me save Arthur's life and you've been a priceless asset since you arrived... We're not gonna cast you out now." She explained and reached up to wipe Abigail's tears away.

As the gravity of the circumstances began to sink in, Abigail began to think of all of her encounters with Arthur and John... And if the timeline was right, Arthur was much more probable to be the father than John but they weren't so far apart either... It was close enough that both of them could have been.

"... What's going through your head, honey?" Susan inquired.

"I'm just... Trying to figure out I guess... I'm usually real careful but... With both of them, I remember_ distinct_ times where we-"

"I don't need to know the details." Susan dismissed quickly.

"Miss Grimshaw, _please_." Abigail groaned before looking over to her. "... What should I do?" she asked, frowning as Susan shook her head.

"Nope... Sorry honey, this one is all yours... Look, just think and calm down... Process it yourself." Susan said gently, but another thought soon came to her. "... Do you have any idea about what you want to... Do?"

"I-I wanna keep it... No matter what." Abigail quickly defended, glancing downward as her other palm came up to rest on her stomach.

"That's okay... I just wanted to know." Susan confirmed.

"... Who do you... I mean which..." Abigail stumbled again.

"I'm sorry... I-I know too much about both of them to share with you... It wouldn't be fair to either of them." Susan dismissed gently.

"It's alright... Just, can you promise you won't tell them..? I need to think..." Abigail sighed, Susan was quick to squeeze her hand.

"Of course... This isn't my story to tell." Susan assured, hugging Abigail tightly when she walked into her arms again.

* * *

As Arthur buckled his belt and Dutch buttoned up his vest, Arthur knew that the ride ahead of them would be terrible for his ass. He was sore and even though Dutch had done a_ very_ good job of loosening up Arthur's tense muscles that morning he wasn't excited in the slightest. Reaching into his satchel, he pulled out his watch and noted the time was around eleven, however upon glancing at the engraving, Arthur's heart clenched.

_Cas Morgan._

Arthur remembered the day that John had gone out of his way to fix the old keepsake after it had drowned in the river... That day was the first time that they-

"Arthur, you alright there?" Dutch inquired, Arthur's eyes quickly glanced up and he shut the watch without question.

"Huh? Yeah just making sure my watch was still runnin'." Arthur replied casually before slipping it back into his bag.

"You sure you wanna get outta here so fast..? We don't have to go back right away you know." Dutch mused as he approached Arthur, his hands resting on the other's hips momentarily, but Arthur snorted.

"Yeah with John, Bill and what's-his-name... Javier, all back at camp to cause trouble? You really think that Hosea will be able to keep them all in line?" Arthur questioned.

"True... And the Reverend and Uncle." Dutch sighed, rolling his eyes but smiling as Arthur reached up to straighten his collar.

"Exactly... I'll be around if you wanna again anyway, I ain't goin' anywhere." He mentioned, flashing his teasing gaze up at Dutch before stepping away and towards the door.

Dutch exhaled slowly as he watched Arthur get away from him again. He actually kind of liked the chase Arthur gave him, normally with women Dutch didn't care too much about playing hard to get except with Annabelle... It seemed that both she and Arthur were different and he cherished the both of them. Walking forward out of the room Arthur paused at the top of the stairs with a slightly concerned look.

"... Maybe you should go make sure it ain't the same guy from last night." He muttered, glancing over to Dutch.

Due to Arthur's experience with his own sins, there had been multiple occasions when he had to be careful and stagger his exits with the men he had paid for. With Dutch things were different but they were back in the real world, and they had just spent the night with each other in the same room, the clerk from the night before could have easily recognized their faces and conversation with Arthur after his bath.

Frowning, Dutch nodded and walked carefully and quietly with Arthur in tow, he held up his index finger as they got to their final flight of stairs before beginning to trek down. Turning his gaze somewhat over to the counter he was relieved to see a woman this time and he glanced back up to Arthur to tell him the coast was clear, who followed quickly after. Arthur simply nodded his head to the woman at the counter who did the same back to him as he and Dutch slipped out of the hotel.

Mounting their horses, Arthur winced slightly glaring daggers over at Dutch when he noted the silent but prideful smirk on his relaxed expression. It was _insufferable_ but... It was handsome and that's probably what Arthur hated more.

He couldn't remember a time when a ride felt so long, maybe when he got shot and ended up in the mine with Dutch... Coincidentally one of the first times he knew there was something between them, it made his heart throb momentarily and take his thoughts off the stinging in his rear.

Thankfully the ride wasn't much longer than an hour, though Arthur was secretly miserable when he could see the caravans in the distance. All he knew was he wanted to just lay down and sleep the pain away even though he was wide awake and already he was thinking about excuses for the severe limp he knew was going to show and he thought he had a decent enough one for the moment.

"Hey Dutch! Arthur!" Uncle greeted as he saw them riding in.

"Old man is that_ you_ takin' guard duty?" Dutch asked, almost uncharacteristically giddy.

"Yes, it's me. Go ahead give it your best shot." Uncle snorted as he watched Arthur and Dutch hitch up their horses, Dutch chortled richly and reached forward actually patting Uncle's shoulder.

"I'm just kidding, old_ fiend_, do forgive me." he mused as Uncle's gaze shifted over to Arthur who was already leaning against his horse.

"What's your problem, Arthur?" Uncle asked with an arched brow, Arthur watched as an almost sinister haze took over Dutch's hues as he looked over to him.

"Yeah, Arthur, tell Uncle what happened?" Dutch inquired with the same insufferable smirk, only making Arthur seeth with his ego.

"... I fell off a damn ladder,_ alright?"_ He scoffed, waving the both of them off as Uncle had a boisterous laugh and Dutch just grinned at him like the devil... Oh, he would get Dutch back for this.

"Dutch, Arthur, that you?" Hosea asked as he came walking at hearing Uncle's cackling.

"Sure is, old friend. Marvelous day, is it not?" Dutch asked, even slightly confusing Hosea with his joyous nature.

Dutch was never a downer but the last few months had been unusually hard on the gang, though things had been looking up it was still a high-stress situation and even Dutch's motivational self had been doubtful. Looking to Arthur, Hosea's expression was slightly suspicious.

"You sure this is Dutch?" He asked, making Arthur sweat internally.

"Of course it's me!" Dutch chuckled.

Arthur had begun to tune out the conversation between Dutch, Hosea and Uncle as all Arthur could think about was his overexerted muscles. He thought about how he could alleviate the pain when the thought of the reservoir popped into his head, it was getting cooler and cooler every day now that it was turning into winter, the water would be cold and would probably help with the inflammation.

Backing up slowly and away as Dutch began to tell Hosea how the job had gone down, which was shockingly well, he started to limp towards the water, hoping no one would see him.

Abigail, who had been laying down most of the day due to her morning sickness, had been cuddled up with her blankets in a loose comfortable dress and had been in and out of sleep when she heard Arthur and Dutch ride up. Reaching up and rubbing her eyes she heard Uncle call out to them and within seconds her heart dropped when she thought of the news she could possibly have for Arthur. While it wasn't one-hundred percent that she was pregnant she was pretty damn sure once she had her conversation with Susan and she felt foolish for not considering it sooner.

Sitting up slowly, Abigail reached down and cradled her stomach with one hand as a wave of queasiness washed over her but as soon as it came it went thankfully enough. Managing to get up and out of her tent quick enough she could see Arthur hobbling away from camp already and immediately she was worried that he got injured. Not wanting people to exactly hear their conversation she followed after Arthur and as soon as they got closer to the water she called out to him.

"Arthur!" Quickly reaching up, Abigail covered her mouth as she saw poor Arthur jump out of his skin and put a hand over his chest, even doubling over after she had startled him. "I-I'm sorry!" She apologized.

"You are so good at that." Arthur sighed as he finally turned to her, unable to help the smile as he felt her hand rest on his bicep once she caught up to him.

"I promise it wasn't my intention, are you alright? You're walkin' funny." Abigail stated, looking Arthur up and down, he wished people would stop acknowledging his sore ass.

"Yeah, I kinda fell off a ladder while we was gone, it's extra sore today." He sighed, but smiling even warmer as he saw her giggle.

Like clockwork, Arthur did a quick sweep for John, who seemed to be gone with Javier at the moment. He then wrapped an arm around her shoulder and continued walking towards the water and while he had no intention of getting naked and soaking with her standing here, it had been so long since he had gotten any alone time with her.

Abigail wanted to just come out and say it, just to be honest with Arthur because in all reality he was more likely to be the father. Even when John had finished inside her the one night she had cleaned herself out well... She didn't remember doing the same with Arthur when he spent the night with her. However, as they walked peacefully the knot in her stomach got bigger and bigger and soon she felt the desire to have this conversation gone and perhaps just enjoy her private time with Arthur while she had it.

"Arthur..?" She murmured, catching his attention as they looked out to the water quietly.

"Hm?" He hummed back.

"... Do you... Uh... C-Care about me?" Abigail then asked, catching Arthur completely off guard as he turned to face her with a confused expression and Abigail was quick to regret asking. "N-Nevermind, it's silly."

"What? Where's this comin' from darlin'?" Arthur inquired.

"N-Nothing, really it's nothin'." Abigail insisted, but her heart leapt as she felt Arthur's hands suddenly rest on her hips and bring her close.

"Abigail... What's wrong?" he asked, reaching up and running a hand through her delicate ebony locks.

Abigail gulped but looked up to Arthur, his concern and worry radiated in his own blue globes as they looked down at her with tenderness... Yet even with his eyes looking upon her so affectionately she couldn't come clean. Not yet.

"... I dunno, I just missed you I guess. It just seems like I never see you anymore." She explained, her heart aching while seeing guilt shine in Arthur's eyes, and he did feel like an asshole.

"I'm sorry." he sighed, both of them unknowing what the other was going through but he never wanted her to feel unwanted by him. "You are just... So far out of my league." He chuckled softly to lighten the mood.

Arthur was relieved when Abigail seemed to laugh quietly with him, but without warning she jumped into his embrace, wrapping her arms tightly around his neck. Thankfully Arthur's reflexes were legendary and he was swift to secure her in his arms and hugging her close.

"That's such a lie and you know it." She whispered to him before pulling back enough to get a good look at Arthur's face.

He was so mysterious and Abigail knew that was part of what drew her to Arthur, his eyes were clear with the emotions he was feeling and yet there was so much smoke in them it was hard to tell exactly what he was thinking... But she melted all the same and soon leaned in, pressing her lips firmly against Arthur's own.

To say this was unexpected didn't even come close to how Arthur felt. Truthfully, he thought Abigail had gotten bored with him, and with his current situation with John and now Dutch he wasn't broken up about no longer having to share his romantic affections with a third person... But obviously like always, he read her wrong. When she pulled back he must've had an incredulous look on his face because she blushed and sheepishly chuckled at him.

"Sorry... That was probably weird of me." She mumbled in embarrassment.

When Arthur reined in his composer he was quick to shake his head and peck her lips sweetly once more before setting her small feet back onto the floor, she was short compared to him.

"_Never_ apologize for kissing me like that." Arthur mused in reply, winking flirtatiously at her before she smiled more fully at him. "And... Of course, I care about you." He said, realizing he never answered her and took one of her tiny hands in his own. "I... I'm not the smartest man and I don't use a whole lot of big words but I know how I feel... And I care about you darlin'." He assured, relaxing some of Abigail's current worries. "I'd love for you to come into the water with me but it's gonna be freezing and it's not gonna be a pretty sight." He joked, his heart clenching with feeling as he watched her expressions brighten.

"Alright, alright... I'll leave you be." She replied as she squeezed his hand in hers before allowing it to fall. "Thank you, Arthur."

Arthur shrugged and shook his head quickly before sending her one last wink and watching her intently as she walked off. He wasn't sure what exactly that was, he still felt that something was bothering Abigail but it was hard to doubt her sweet and sincere smile. However, now it seemed he had a dilemma because while he originally thought that he was out of the game with her... She wasn't finished with him.

He was_ just_ getting better with John... Was she worth possibly fucking that up?

And Dutch...

Quickly shaking his head, Arthur didn't even_ know_ what that was, he was so stressed he didn't know what to do. He knew he had just got back and that Hosea and Dutch probably wanted to discuss with him and John about what they had found at the mansion, but John was gone so Arthur knew he needed a little bit of RNR.

Once confirming he was alone, Arthur reached up and began to unbutton his _completely_ buttoned shirt and slipping off articles of clothing one by one. No one seemed to comment on his lovebite that Dutch had administered the night before nor the split in his lip so they didn't look too questionable. When Arthur was finally nude, he looked at the water with some doubt because he knew how cold it would be, but he knew his muscles needed it.

Taking a breath, Arthur ventured forward into the freezing water.

> You shine like a star  
You know who you are  
You're everything beautiful  
She's hot, hot like the sun  
The loneliest one  
Still everything beautiful  
Well I'll be god damned  
You're standing at my door  
We stayed up in the city  
Until the stars lost the war  
So Friday night, holy ghost  
Take me to your level  
Show me the one I need the most  
I need the most
> 
> I wish I knew you when I was young  
We could've got so high  
Now we're here it's been so long  
Two strangers in the bright lights  
Oh I hope you don't mind  
We can share my mood  
Two strangers in the bright lights  
I wish I knew you  
I wish I knew you  
Oh I wish I knew you when I was young
> 
> Truth, it's all that you need  
You bury that seed  
It's everything beautiful  
That sound comes from the underground  
It's all inside you now  
It's everything beautiful  
But what are you running from?  
They got you on the run?  
So Friday night, holy ghost  
Take me to your level  
Show me the one I need the most  
I need the most
> 
> I wish I knew you when I was young  
We could've got so high  
Now we're here it's been so long  
Two strangers in the bright lights  
Oh and I hope you don't mind  
We can share my mood, yeah  
Two strangers in the bright lights  
I wish I knew you  
I wish I knew you  
Oh I wish I knew you when I was young
> 
> Maybe we can share my mood  
Whoa, whoa, whoa  
Maybe we can share my mood  
Whoa, whoa, whoa  
Maybe we can share my mood  
Whoa, whoa, whoa
> 
> I wish I knew you when I was young  
We could've got so high  
Now we're here it's been so long  
Two strangers in the bright lights  
Oh and I hope you don't mind  
We can share my mood, yeah  
Two strangers in the bright lights  
I wish I knew you  
I wish I knew you  
Oh I wish I knew you when I was young
> 
> source: [Wish I Knew You by The Revivalists](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fVZySWD257w)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Sorry for disappearing for a week, I was sicker than I have EVER been and was basically bedridden lmao. I'm doing alright now and was finally able to finish this chapter, please let me know what you think! Some people might think I'm writing Arthur and Dutch out of character in their fluffy moments but like... Idk I feel like they're so close just naturally that it's also natural for them to be open with each other when their alone ya know? Lemme know how ya feel!  
-Eros


	18. Chapter 18

The hardest part about the plan was the waiting. They had a specific date on when to strike at Chief Beckett when Elena wasn't home, after confirming their go ahead with Ivy's plan, there was no negotiating. Elena's safety was the point of all this anyway, getting her killed would do no one good. It gave Arthur time to doubt and worry but not for long... Because due to the downtime they now had, he and Dutch were getting... Reacquainted.

"H-Harder..." Arthur huffed quietly as Dutch railed him from behind.

Currently, all that was on Arthur's mind was Dutch filling him and he got onto his hands and knees in their tent to prove it. Running a hand up and down Arthur's back in appreciation, Dutch exhaled as slowly as he could while his hips did the work, but always wanting to remind Arthur of his place, Dutch couldn't help but shove Arthur's upper body down, arching his back down against the floor and Arthur wasn't about to complain. Lowering himself without defiance, Arthur's eyes fluttered shut.

It must've been around five or so in the morning, it was dark but not pitch black, more importantly, no one was stirring yet. Despite wanting to be careful, Arthur and Dutch couldn't stop climbing each other since they got back. Arthur told himself not to get his hopes up, that Dutch would soon tire of him and move on, but that was hard to believe when every_ night_ Dutch was on top of him one way or another, and if they didn't do it that night they did it the next morning before anyone was up.

If Dutch wanted him on his back, they were typically on one of their cots, but right now Arthur was on the floor driving his face into their most comfortable pelts. Even though Arthur never wanted to feed into his ego, Dutch _did_ treat him well. It had been so long since Arthur had felt so fucking wanted..._ Desired_. Abigail cared for him, and he did her, but this was a lust unlike any he had ever experienced.

The only regret Arthur had was being unable to moan to his heart's content, he wanted at least one time with Dutch to let loose and let the other take him like a wild beast and no have to worry about anyone being on to them... But this was plenty good enough for now.

Hunching over Arthur a bit as his hips paused their pace, Dutch placed a brief kiss on Arthur's back, he was such a beautiful man, he wished Arthur would see it as a compliment...

"How good does it feel..?" Dutch whispered to him, sufficiently driving Arthur wild.

"Good... Real good, Dutch..." Arthur panted, managing to try and catch his breath but at the same time, he wanted Dutch to continue so badly.

"Hm... You can do better than that Arthur..." Dutch observed before sitting back up.

Before Arthur could even think of a snarky response, he suddenly felt Dutch's fingers entangle in his hair and his other hand fastening on one of his shoulders and beginning to guide him upwards. The change in angle, as well as the rough feeling of Dutch's one hand tugging on his hair, Arthur tried so desperately to keep his noises to a minimum but he groaned when he felt Dutch's sweat covered chest pressing flush up against his back.

"Come on now..." Dutch almost cooed, refastening his hands, one of Arthur's hip and the other wrapped firmly around his midsection to keep him balanced.

"Y-You're such a bastard..." Arthur growled softly as his cock stood up in salute now that he was facing upright.

"Previously known facts." Dutch mused simply as he pressed himself a bit firmer against Arthur, making the man in front of him shudder and lean his head back into one of Dutch's shoulders, he knew the only way to get through this was to submit... Leaning over to the cup of Dutch's ear, Arthur nipped the lobe.

"Please... Fuck me Dutch..." He pleaded quietly. "... I need you." Arthur whimpered the tone of his voice as well as feeling his breath ghosting over his ear nearly sent Dutch into a frenzy.

Taking a breath, Dutch leaned over just a bit to get a look at Arthur's blushing, lust-contorted face, despite the simplicity of Arthur's words it was genuine and that was all that mattered. Calming his hormones down for just a moment, he took a moment to kiss Arthur... Really kiss him, a slow, long and intimate kiss. When he pulled back, Arthur's eyes fluttered open, radiating confusion and surprise... But mostly longing.

Dutch knew people would think he was crazy if he told them how often the universe reminded him how lucky he was to have this man with him... Even just as a friend... Hosea too, but this was something beyond cosmic design.

"... Is this what you want, Arthur..?" Dutch inquired.

For once, Arthur actually surprised Dutch, leaning in, he kissed Dutch again, allowing their tongues to dance passionately for a few moments before his striking blue eyes met his own.

"... I want _you_, Dutch." He replied without a hint of regret.

Dutch's heart throbbed for a moment, the sincerity and hunger in Arthur's words were undeniable... Smirking, Dutch nodded.

"Good boy..." He mused before nodding forward. "Get back down there... And I'll reward you."

Actually smiling, Arthur bit his lip before he did as he was told and leaned back down once more onto his hands, lowering his chest to the floor as Dutch had done previously. The sight of Arthur obeying him and wanting him... Dutch was more than pleased to let go and give Arthur exactly what he wanted... And what they both needed.

* * *

Stepping out of the tent after suffering Dutch's teasing about a half an hour later, Arthur was dressed and ready for the day, walking upright as if nothing had happened. Dutch made sure to get Arthur accustomed to this... At least he wasn't limping anymore. Though, he did want to wash his face before he was bombarded by any of the colorful personalities around camp. Looking around he noticed they he and Dutch still seemed to be the only ones up.

Not more than ten seconds after Arthur departed, Dutch followed in suit, standing next to the other. Feeling a hand almost hesitantly resting on the small of his back, Arthur actually jumped a little in surprise and looked over to Dutch.

"What are you doing? Are you trying to get us caught?" Arthur hissed, watching Dutch chuckled softly.

"Relax... It's still early yet, I wasn't trying to undress you." He mused, grinning as he watched Arthur roll his eyes but calming and even letting Dutch place his hand back where it was on his lower back.

It was... Nice, actually. It felt supportive, though Arthur didn't understand why. Perhaps Dutch was right... This wouldn't hurt anyone. He could still hear people snoring anyway, shifting his weight some towards Dutch subtly, it was enough for Dutch to notice and he replied silently by running his hand up and down Arthur back once and sending him a subtle wink before venturing forward to get the fire started.

Taking a breath, Arthur exhaled slowly before beginning his own trek toward the reservoir to wash his face. He kept his eyes to the ground just in case of snakes, after his couple minute walk he turned his gaze up and suddenly stopped in his tracks... Someone was by the water... Someone was _awake..._

Arthur's heart began to beat hard in his chest, had he and Dutch been too cocky? Even if whoever it was didn't see the small display of affection minutes before, did they hear him and Dutch going at it? They were always careful, _very_ careful but...

Gulping, Arthur considered turning back around... But he couldn't be a coward, continuing his stride, upon closer inspection, Arthur's heart went from beating uncontrollably to stopping... It was John.

Once more, Arthur stopped as he realized who it actually was that was awake. Suddenly he felt... Guilty? He knew he shouldn't, but he couldn't help it. Almost as if the gods heard Arthur's inner battle, John turned behind him and saw Arthur, arching his brows somewhat in surprise.

"Arthur? Why are you up?" He asked casually, soothing most of Arthur's worries for the moment, he was sure that if John knew why he was up he wouldn't be so cordial.

"I uh... Was about to ask you the same." Arthur replied trying to recover as smoothly as he could before walking forward again, wanting to appear as normal as he could after all.

"Couldn't sleep..." John murmured, it soon became apparent he came down here to think because he had a cigarette.

As Arthur got to the waterside he glanced over to John and noted the bothered expression he had, Arthur smirked some before chuckling and kneeling.

"Alright, Marston... Cough it up, what's wrong?" He asked, cupping some of the icy water and splashing his face, careful not to shove ice shards into his eyes in the process.

"It's nothin' really." John sighed, rolling his eyes knowing Arthur would figure it out, he knew him better than himself after all.

Washing the sweat from the morning sex off his face, Arthur soon stood back up and pulled out his bandana to dry himself off before looking over to John.

"If you really don't wanna talk about it you mind if I join you?" Arthur asked as he took out a cigarette.

He and John had been doing well as of late, unusually well actually. Usually, he and John were constantly fighting, not that it was Arthur's choice but he longed for his kinship with John back... He longed for a lot from John but just to be in his presence was considered a treat.

"... Nah, of course not." John replied after a bit of consideration.

"Of course not?" Arthur asked in good humor as he lit his cigarette and looked over to John. "You sure you're alright, John?" He questioned before reaching over and gently feeling for a fever.

"Fuck off." John actually chuckled and swatted Arthur's hand away from him.

"There it is." Arthur snickered before his eyes focused on the water in front of them.

Though, John kept his eyes on Arthur for a few moments... He had really been thinking over the last few weeks about his relationship with Arthur. He had been punishing Arthur for years... And he knew that deep down, it wasn't right, but was he just supposed to forget..?

Blinking, John quickly tore his gaze away from Arthur and looked forward as he smoked as well.

"... You never told me why you were up." He mused, it seemed like John was full of surprises this morning, trying to initiate a conversation? Blasphemy.

"Couldn't sleep neither... Thinking about the job next week." Arthur replied easily, however when he looked back to John he was frowning and Arthur tilted his head.

"... Does Abigail seem to be... I dunno... Actin' strange lately?" John asked, finally confessing what had really been bothering him.

Arthur couldn't help but feel himself deflate a bit, his expression held neutral but inside... He was hurting, and he knew it was selfish to hurt. Knowing John cared enough about Abigail to be concerned about her like this... It was big, even if John didn't realize it yet. For a moment Arthur felt like a real asshole because he cared about Abigail and he felt like a piece of shit for feeling... Frankly, jealous.

"A little, why?" Arthur inquired. "You two have a fight or somethin'?" He then scoffed, trying not to sound too condescending.

"No... Which is why I'm confused, lately she's just been so jumpy and... Not interested." John explained, clearing his throat as he did so.

The more John spoke about his problems with Abigail the more withdrawn Arthur felt, he hated hearing how much John cared about Abigail... But he was happy that John felt comfortable enough to confide in him, Arthur's inner battle was unending.

"If you're askin' if I've been sleeping with her the answer is no... I've not been with her for a while, John." Arthur stated, John shook his head in response.

"No, I know that... This feels like something different, I don't know... Maybe I'm just crazy." John sighed.

"Nah... You're in love." Arthur replied softly, immediately regretting speaking those words as silence took over the air.

As John met Arthur's eyes he felt that familiar sensation of longing and uncertainty hit his heart like a hammer and he looked away.

"I dunno about that." John muttered softly, wanting to quickly move on from this subject Arthur shrugged.

"She was acting a little funny yesterday but don't look into it too much, John... Women are... _Complex_ creatures." Arthur explained before wrapping his arm around John's neck where it belonged, in his opinion.

However, Arthur wasn't expecting John to lean into the embrace and soon it was Arthur's turn to clear his throat before an idea popped into his idea.

"Hey, you know how Dutch and I was talkin' about that girl Amelia?" He asked as John leaned his head onto Arthur's shoulder for the second time in years, causing butterflies to erupt in the senior gun's gut.

"Mhm, what about her?" John inquired all too casually for Arthur.

"Well, Ivy said that if we could get into the safe, or figure a way how, that she could get us a bigger cut for the job on the Chief of Police. Since Amelia's father designed the number-lock on the vault we need to pay her a visit. Wanna come with me?" He offered.

John thought, truthfully the answer was God yes, but he had to keep Arthur on the line just for a moment... In the end, he desperately needed to get out of here. Pulling his head up from Arthur's shoulder and looking over, Arthur's breathing hitched for a moment before John shrugged.

"Sure, why not?" He asked, Arthur couldn't help but chuckle and shake his head.

"You're the worst." He said before using his arm around John's neck to his advantage.

Swinging John around and nearly throwing him off guard as Arthur began walking them back towards camp, John laughed again, warming Arthur's heart more than anything else... Letting John go was easier said than done but John made his choice and Arthur respected it.

When the two arrived back at camp, Arthur could see Dutch and Hosea scheming as usual and he was happy to see the spark back in his eyes and the dramatics in his movements, Dutch typically acted out while he talked... But feeling John under his arm was something else completely and for some reason... Right then it hit Arthur what a fucking horrible mistake he had made for letting John go.

If he could go back...

But he couldn't.

Releasing John from his grasp, he sent a small nod to him before walking towards mom and dad. Hosea had just finished a ruckus laugh before he noticed Arthur coming and waved him over. Dutch glanced over and grinned at him as well, though Arthur could always see Dutch's true feeling behind his eyes and he always felt desired, and no matter how subtle Dutch was Arthur saw his eyes briefly go up and down his figure.

"Hey, Arthur how you doin'?" Hosea asked.

"Just peachy, what about you old man?" Arthur asked with a smile as he stood close to Hosea, but definitely within admiring distance of Dutch.

"Good, I see you and John are finally getting chummy again." Hosea replied, but Arthur shook his head.

"Don't let it fool you." He chuckled. "He'll probably hate me again by the end of the day... Speakin' of, Dutch I know we was talkin' about goin' to visit that Amelia girl, John and I can do that today." He offered.

Normally, Dutch forced John and Arthur to work together to try and better their relationship but this time, Dutch's dark pools coasted over to John before back to Arthur, almost as if he was considering saying no, but he nodded.

"Of course, you remember where she's at?" Dutch inquired.

"The Old Watson place, I remember." John said from behind as he approached, slightly surprising Arthur with the accuracy.

"Wow, good job son." Hosea praised but John shook his head quickly.

"You want me to talk to her or bring her here?" Arthur asked.

"She's a good girl, just talk to her, find out what she wants exactly for her help, promise nothing..." He instructed, Arthur nodded in reply before turning to John seeing as the camp was beginning to wake up.

"Wanna go now?" He inquired, and while John wanted to say goodbye to Abigail... Maybe she needed space, he nodded. "Alright then, let's go Marston."

* * *

Once they had gotten to the main road, Arthur pulled out his map and handed it to John to mark where the place was before they continued their ride. While it was quiet it wasn't tense anymore it felt like any old ride... Arthur didn't want to celebrate too early but he could only hope that he had finally won a place in John's life again. However, the relief of one thing led to the stress of another.

Arthur was actually surprised that he felt nervous returning to this place... He had been at death's door on multiple occasions but there was something about slowly suffocating knowing Dutch could have possibly been dead in a damn hole... With everything on his heart that he never got the chance to say. As they rode into the clearing after about two and a half hours of riding, Arthur saw the cottage in the distance... And suddenly his heart fell into his stomach and he pulled his reins back quickly.

"John! Stop!" He ordered, sufficiently startling John who quickly obeyed.

"What?" He asked.

Arthur paused as he stared intensely at the house... He recalled how he saw movement the first time he was here, and the shining of the scope. However, now they were too far to tell, which made Arthur feel somewhat safe enough to be stopped here. Pulling out his binoculars he quickly put them to his eyes before looking through them, remaining unflinching as he waited for _any_ sign of movement. Eventually, John looked from the shack to Arthur and back to the shack before tilting his head.

"What is it?" He questioned.

"... That's how I got shot." Arthur murmured, and even though they were far away enough that he felt mostly safe, he still had an uneasy feeling in his gut from just stepping foot back here.

For John to hear those words, a cold chill went down his spine, those few days of sitting by Arthur's bedside were some of the worst in his life, now that Arthur was well once more he had forgotten how horrible he felt... Even now. Quickly swallowing the saliva beginning to build in his mouth from the nausea of the memory trigger, John remained silent for the rest of the time Arthur focused through the little scopes on his eyes.

It felt like time had stood still but finally, Arthur sighed and pulled his binoculars away and stared ahead for a few long seconds. He didn't even know if Amelia and Jacob were around here, he and Dutch just happened to stumble along with her calling for help only to be ambushed and suddenly Arthur had to wonder if this was worth it. Taking a breath, Arthur glanced over to John only for worry to settle in his gut when he saw how pale John looked.

"Hey, you alright?" Arthur asked as he slipped the spectacle like object into his satchel to switch his focus to something much more important, John gulped and looked up to Arthur and quickly shook his head and cleared his throat.

"Yeah, yeah I'm fine." He quickly deflected before looking away from Arthur, because all he saw was him slumped in Dutch's arms seconds from death.

Arthur frowned, but he knew John and he could see him emotionally shutting down and trying to get anything out of him when he was shut down was useless. He sighed before nodding.

"Well, I don't see anyone out there but... What do you think?" He asked. "I don't even know if Amelia is in the area, is it worth going to check down there?"

"I dunno... But when me, Hosea and Bill went down there, no one was around the house was empty. Then the kid had a shotgun pointed at our backs..." John remarked, not exactly with fondness.

"No shit, really?" Arthur actually chortled. "I didn't know that kid had it in him, he was so sweet."

"Yeah, he didn't look so sweet with his hand on the trigger." John scoffed softly, Arthur sighed but since John discovered Jacob in the small shack Arthur felt compelled just to check.

"Well... Why don't we check? If there are no signs of life, we can head out, this place gives me the creeps." Arthur observed, John was reluctant but nodded.

"Fair." He agreed.

The two rode up cautiously, Arthur's eyes looking around for any threats and his gut clenched when he saw the hole not far off... He thought it was going to end up being his and Dutch's graves. He was quick to take his eyes away from it before they closed in on the shack. When the two dismounted, they both silently pulled out their revolvers before Arthur carefully approached the window where he was sniped originally. Peering in, Arthur looked around and frowned before he replaced his gun back in its holster.

"It's empty." He announced before walking to the door and trying it. "... But the door is locked?" Arthur inquired, glancing to John with an arched brow.

"Maybe the bank finally forced them out?"

"Nah... If that was the case, there would be notices..."

Arthur looked to the door critically, this place was falling apart, this lock would be nothing to pick... Then again this lock could have been made by a master lock-maker. Thinking only for a few moments, Arthur eventually came to the conclusion that there was no way in hell that any cops would be running up on them while he was picking this old lock, finally pulling his lock-picking kit out of his satchel, Arthur knelt.

"Uh, Arthur?" John inquired just as Arthur went to insert the pick, causing his pause. "... You uh... Mind teaching me how to..?" He stumbled out somewhat curiously before motioning to the door when Arthur glanced up to him.

Arthur was shocked, his mouth actually fell agape momentarily but he quickly cleared his throat and nodded.

"Uh, yeah of course... C'mon then." Arthur ushered and slid over a little so John could lower himself next to him.

Things had been good with John as of late but without warning, the feelings of nervousness and reticence that he hadn't felt in... Years, came back with the force of a thousand winds. Handing the picks over to John, he then nodded forward to the door.

"Go ahead, insert one of 'em... You wanna get a feel around in there to count how many pins you got and which way the key would turn." He explained.

John nodded as he knelt down next to Arthur and did as he was told, carefully inserting the pick into the lock and frowning just a bit in confusion.

"Can you feel it?" Arthur asked, watching John shake his head. "Go up a little." He added, watching John's hands carefully.

"Still nothin'... You make it look so easy." John sighed, Arthur snorted and shook his head with a smile.

"Nah, just practice... Here." He offered before reaching in to help guide John's hands but beyond his control, his hands froze in mid-air just before they came in contact with John and Arthur's breath hitched before looking up to John to gauge his facial features, he could sense some tension. "... Y-... You mind?" He asked, cursing the anxiety in his voice.

There was a long second of uncertainty as the two of them stared at each other but John swallowed and nodded, giving Arthur much relief before he finished what he started and gently grasped John's hands in his own before carefully guiding them and explaining what the clicks meant and how to efficiently turn the pins without difficulty. To say Arthur was shocked was an understatement, it had been... He couldn't even recall since he had taught John something willingly that went so fluid. John was a fast learner despite his reputation and when he listened he caught on quick.

This was a good lock to practice on, no stress and it was old, Arthur was thankful that the lock didn't seem modded by the previous occupant, and after only about five or so minutes, there was a _click._

"There! Turn the lock." Arthur encouraged, watching John quickly shift the picks until the door slowly swung open.

There was a moment of surprise in John that he actually did it but he chuckled and looked over to Arthur with a grin of pride. Not having realized how close they were until his task was over, John's heart throbbed in his chest, but for the first time in eons, he didn't feel the need to squirm away... He felt anxious but it was a good kind... It reminded him of the first time he saw Arthur in the firelight as a man.

"... Good job, John." Arthur praised before reaching over and gently patting his back.

When John glanced up and met Arthur's eyes... The pull Arthur felt in his heart was undeniable... But when he blinked, all he could see was John standing above him with that horrified betrayed look on his face... And Abigail in his arms.

Taking a breath, Arthur was the first one to look away for once, and he soon stood up and held out a hand for John. They had a mission to do, after all, he couldn't afford his focus to dampen now when they were in dangerous territory. John took looked away but when he saw the hand he looked up to Arthur somewhat incredulously but he took the offer and stood up.

God the feeling of his hand in Arthur's... His head was spinning, what on earth was going on? Why was he suddenly feeling this... Need for Arthur again? He had moved on... He had spent years beating Arthur down to keep away and just like that he had slithered his way back into John's heart.

"Let's do some lookin' then... When we get back I'll show you some more tricks with that." Arthur offered, gathering enough courage to look back to John's dark hazel eyes.

"... I'd like that." John replied honestly, nearly taking Arthur's breath away.

It was remarkable how much emotion his Arthur at that moment, he had been working for_ years..._ To get here with John, only to realize he wanted more. Smiling, Arthur chortled softly before shaking his head and walking in.

"I ain't ready for that..." He joked as casually as he could as John watched him.

In truth, John felt the same but... This was different, he was actually looking forward to spending time with Arthur which was... Big. He was worried he was going to get swept up in Arthur again and he was worried about putting his relationship with Abigail in jeopardy. Just because she was being weird didn't mean he was ready to throw that away... Soon forcing the conflicting emotions as far down as he could, John joined Arthur in poking around.

They searched the shack from top to bottom, trying to find _any_ signs of Amelia and Jacob, probably spending an hour combing through junk and trash from other drifters who had taken up the residence when Amelia and Jacob's father died.

"Find anything?" He asked to John who was still bent over searching through som rubble, Arthur really had to control himself not to stare.

"Nothing..." John sighed before standing up and turning to look over at Arthur, both were frustrated and stumped, Arthur reached up and rubbed the back of his neck trying to think of something else, all he could think of was the tunnel.

"I just... Wish I knew where that mine was... I shoulda asked Dutch." He muttered.

"I doubt he was paying attention, we were more worried about you." John reminded, almost making Arthur blush, he hated when people fretted over him.

"I would say I remember, but honestly I don't." Arthur mused before something in the crack of a wall caught his eye.

Tilting his head, Arthur walked over to it, it looked like a piece of paper... Carefully pulling it out, it was a damaged photograph, but what he could see was a man with a pickaxe over his shoulder, heavily bearded with a small boy hugging his leg... They were standing outside of a cave, and Arthur was certain that boy was Jacob. Looking on the picture for any clues, when he turned it around he narrowed his eyes at the messily written note.

"... John, you're a better reader, think you can figure this out?" He asked, handing the photo to his protege.

Taking the picture, John looked to the writing and frowned, it was badly damaged. Seeing John struggling, Arthur shrugged.

"Why don't we take a break..? Let's go outside and relax a little, maybe that'll help?" Arthur asked.

John nodded, they had gotten here rather early it was only close to ten, they had the whole day and Arthur didn't want to ride all the way back to ask Dutch about the mine if he didn't know but he also didn't want to waste a whole day... But deep down, Arthur knew this day wasn't a waste... Getting to spend it with John was worth the struggles.

Trudging out of the slightly stuffy house, Arthur noted a few trees scattered around and when John followed behind him he nodded towards one only about twenty feet from the shack before approaching it. Checking briefly for snakes or any other undesirables Arthur soon plopped onto his behind and sighed. He leaned his head back against the trunk of the oak that was positioned there and despite the initial hesitance, John soon mirrored Arthur and sat next to him since the trunk was big enough to support both of them. John had been up since god knew how long, he wasn't surprised to find out that simply sitting against a tree would be so comfortable... And he knew part of his comfort was Arthur.

"... How old you think this tree is?" John asked.

"Dunno... Probably about Hosea's age." Arthur joked, watching as John actually had a true boisterous laugh at the unexpected remark.

"I'm tellin'." John teased.

"Oh John, you know what I do to rats." Arthur threatened in good humor.

"Like what?" John inquired, Arthur had to stop himself from saying something raunchy to the obvious challenge.

"...You don't wanna know." Arthur replied smoothly, despite his words being not being inappropriate, his tone still held just a bit of the meaning behind his words and it caught John off guard momentarily, finally looking forward at the plains and woods in the distance, despite feeling his heart clenching, John missed being with Arthur like this.

"... Can you hand me a pencil?" John inquired as he looked down at the scribbles on the photograph.

"Of course." Arthur replied and reached into his bag and handing the small writing utensil.

Taking the pencil, John's heart skipped a beat when their hands brushed before he began to carefully try to reform the words that were originally on the paper by following the original lines and trying to make sense of what it could possibly say. Arthur watched for a few moments but knowing that he didn't like it when other people looked over his shoulder while he wrote or drew, he eventually leaned his head back and shut his eyes. Dutch had taken a lot of energy out of him earlier this morning... But now John was taking something more out of him that he wasn't sure that he was ready to face.

> Stone cold  
Stone cold  
You see me standing  
But I'm dyin' on the floor  
Stone cold  
Stone cold  
Maybe if I don't cry  
I won't feel anymore
> 
> Stone cold  
Baby  
God knows I try to feel  
Happy for you  
Know that I am  
Even if I can't understand  
I'll take the pain  
Give me the truth  
Me and my heart  
We'll make it through  
If happy is her  
I'm happy for you
> 
> Hmm, mm-mm, mm
> 
> Stone cold  
Stone cold  
You're dancing with her  
While I'm staring at my phone  
Stone cold  
Stone cold  
I was your amber, but now  
She's your shade of gold
> 
> Stone cold  
Baby  
God knows I try to feel  
Happy for you  
Know that I am  
Even if I can't understand  
I'll take the pain  
Give me the truth  
Me and my heart  
We'll make it through  
If happy is her  
I'm happy for you
> 
> Don't wanna be stone cold  
Stone  
I wish I could mean this  
But here's my goodbye  
Oh, I'm happy for you  
Know that I am  
Even if I can't understand  
If happy is her  
If happy is her  
I'm happy for you
> 
> source: [Stone Cold by Demi Lovato](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DLR3FDj2Zwo)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ohhhhh I know right? John's getting back in there ;D  
I know I've kinda been slower with updating this fic, be assured I have no ideas in abandoning it or stopping again, just been sick and not pushing myself creatively if I don't feel like I can. Thank you for all the love and support! Get ready for the future!  
-Eros


	19. Chapter 19

As John carefully traced the direction of the original inscription on the photograph, he tilted his head as he desperately tried to figure out what it was wording out. He was ready to give up when he heard soft puffs of breath coming from his partner beside him. Looking over and seeing that Arthur was indeed asleep, John sighed knowing he couldn't in good conscience give up. He also couldn't help but notice how handsome Arthur looked even when he was snoozing.

Quickly turning his attention back to the task at hand he reached up and ran a hand over his forehead as he stared down at the letters until he felt Arthur's shoulder gently leaning into his own. John inhaled sharply and looked over tensely but... He couldn't bring himself to push Arthur off him.

Now that Arthur was asleep and John was at least somewhat left alone with his thoughts... He soon put the pencil down and closed his eyes. Birds chirps and insects buzzed and soon... He found his hand was traveling slowly, almost shakily to his left... Until it reluctantly rested onto Arthur's thigh. Taking a breath, John's eyes opened back up so he could glance over to his hand. It felt so right... All he wanted was right next to him, but he wasn't good enough before what made him think he would be good enough now?

Why was he even considering this in the first place? He had a woman back at camp who always loved his affections and made him feel like he wasn't a complete screw-up... Why was Arthur so important?

With his heart feeling like it was shattering, John's eyes focused onto the photograph once more... Needing a distraction, John stared down at the paper until suddenly a light bulb went off in his head, and it was clear. He suddenly felt stupid, carefully turning the picture upside down it read clear... Smiling John gently squeezed Arthur's thigh in rhythmic patterns until his eyes started fluttering.

Feeling John's hand on his leg took a moment, but as Arthur's eyes opened he reached up with a free hand and rubbed the sleep out of them. However, as he began to register the feeling in his thigh, Arthur glanced down and his breath hitched. John was... Touching him? Willingly? He almost didn't want to say anything in fear of John moving his hand but as he peered over and noticed the photograph, his brows arched.

As Arthur began to lean over to look at it, John's eyes simply followed his movements.

"... Brimstone River Mine?" Arthur asked, trying not to be too disappointed when John took his hand away from his leg and handed him the picture.

"Yep." He replied matter-of-factly, turning his head over to look at Arthur who looked back with a small smirk of satisfaction. "Turns out we're dumber than we look." He then added with a small chuckle.

While Arthur was shocked with how normal John was acting, especially after resting his hand on his leg... He wasn't about to complain and he too chuckled with John as he shook his head. He couldn't believe it took them so long to realize the damn writing was upside down.

"In our defense, this handwriting is even worse than mine." Arthur mused before reaching into his satchel and pulling out a map.

As Arthur looked around in their vicinity for said mine, he frowned realizing it wasn't on the map. Of course... He knew this was going too easy despite their troubles, but this time it was Arthur's turn to have an idea. Glancing over to John he nodded to his bag.

"Can I see your map?" He questioned as he began to fold up his, John reciprocated by quickly taking out his own and handing it over.

"Why?" He asked curiously.

"Cause yours is Hosea's older one, the mine ain't on my map." Arthur sighed as he took the other parchment carefully since it was a tad more fragile.

Arthur looked and looked, nearly ready to tear his hair out, and John could tell. Eventually, he too leaned over despite the closeness and began to look too. Whoever owned this mine must have been too rich to want to give their secrets up or busted miserably. Arthur betted on the latter.

"There!" John finally gasped at the tiniest dot on the map with the acronym _BMP._

"You sure?" Arthur asked as he narrowed his eyes.

"What else could it be? Besides we don't really have any other options." John replied easily, and Arthur nodded in agreement.

"Welp... I guess we should be gettin' on our way then." he sighed, though he honestly didn't want to get up quite yet.

Arthur hadn't been this close with John in years... Not only that but they were getting along! John was actually being really pleasant and it only proved to Arthur what a mistake he had made in giving him up, though he had known that forever if he was being honest with himself.

John had spent so many years being bitter and resentful, that it felt weird to feel genuine goodness radiating off himself when he was with Arthur. He didn't _want _to be bitter... And he didn't _want_ to be angry... But that was the only way he could protect himself. Arthur always had a way of unintentionally drawing him close, John had to force himself to stay away.

Remembering that, John was the first to stand, but despite wanting to run away he turned and held out a hand for Arthur to take. Turning his attention upwards, Arthur nearly felt breathless as their eyes met. It wasn't often that John allowed him the privilege of doing so, and without much more of a pause, Arthur reached up and took John's hand and hoisted himself up. Even though John didn't let Arthur's hand linger in his for long, he still felt it when he released and was quick to clear his throat as they began walking towards their horses.

"It looks like..." Arthur trailed off once he mounted The Admiral and stared down at John's map, he glanced up and looked in a few different directions. "We gotta go east, once we get to the river I think I can direct us from there." He explained.

John nodded and kicked his horse in time with Arthur's, following close. While they figured the mine wouldn't be terribly far from the shack, it was a pain in the ass finding it. The two followed the river and stopped once or twice so Arthur could consult the map, however as they rode, things began to slowly grab Arthur's attention as if it were familiar. He knew he was mostly comatose while he was on the horse with Dutch but he could feel a familiar pull.

"I think we're close." He announced, pulling back on The Admiral to slow to a stop.

Arthur's gaze darted around again for anything that could jump out at him, and for once things started going right. Kicking The Admiral into a trot across the shallow creek that was supposedly a river and as they ascended up into the mountains, it wasn't long before they rode up into a hidden little cranny of nature.

"That's it." Arthur stated confidently before he dismounted his horse and reached into his saddlebag to pull out a lantern.

"Wait a second, don't tell me you wanna go trekkin' in there right?" John asked as he mirrored Arthur's movements and climbed off of Gypsy, looking into the mouth of the cavern.

"What other choice do we have?" Arthur inquired.

"Uh, maybe wait for someone to come out?" John asked in somewhat dismay, Arthur hesitated in his stride and thought about John's words.

While Arthur didn't like waiting, he remembered what a maze the old cave system was. If they got lost or god forbid ran out of lantern oil... They would die, and that was _not _how Arthur planned to go out. Just the thought actually made a shiver run up his spine, and he eventually shrugged.

"Well, we can't wait forever... Why don't we wait until morning? We can set up here, catch something for dinner and if in the morning there's no movement we go in." Arthur compromised, John still scrunched his face up.

"Yeah? And what then?" John inquired.

"Well... Whatever we catch we can drain it and use the blood as a marker on the walls... Not exactly pleasant but..." Arthur mentioned, and despite John still not wanting to go into the caves, that was kind of a brilliant idea.

"... Alright, fine. But if I die in there, I'll kill you." John huffed, pointing at Arthur before beginning to unload his horse to camp for the night.

Arthur chortled richly as he too unloaded his pelts from The Admiral. It was nice for things to run smoothly with John, Arthur knew it was silly to be so thankful that John was being decent to him, anyone else probably would have gotten the smackdown by Arthur a long time ago but he couldn't blame John, nor could he punish him.

Once things were set up and the fire pit had been built, Arthur geared up and left John to finish up and catch them a meal. As John watched Arthur ride off, an abrupt feeling of nausea hit him, he was having deja-vu as he watched Arthur leave... That night they were together the first time...

Glad Arthur wasn't around, John groaned in a rather undignified fashion. He was starting to get pissed, he wasn't supposed to care about Arthur anymore... He had spent so long building these walls for Arthur to knock them down with a sideways glance. He rubbed his face and focused on finishing the firepit, he thought of Abigail, and he wondered why she was being so odd. She wasn't rude to him or seemed to be upset with him, but she seemed to be avoiding him.

Why did she have to do this _now _of all times? Right when John was having conflicting feelings?

At that moment, John was sure that the universe was conspiring to get him and once he had gotten a fire lit, he leaned back against a felled log that happened to be near. Leaning his head back, John stared up at the sky as the clouds rolled by peacefully... He didn't even notice he was tired.

* * *

When John opened his eyes again he was in the dark, but he could see fire on the walls, and without having even fully taken the scene in, John knew _exactly _where he was. Looking down to his arms, he could see that his hands were bound together and he quickly looked up to see Arthur across from him about seven feet away on the opposite wall, hunched over unconscious.

That fucking cave... John had to admit, ever since he and Arthur were dragged to that skinner rape cave when he was eighteen, he hadn't been fond of caves since... And now he was back.

"A-Arthur..." He called, but the other didn't move.

Beginning to crawl somewhat over to Arthur, John's eyes widened in horror once he got closer to his partner. Arthur's own knife was sticking out of his chest, his ocean eyes open, looking _right _at him... But they were lifeless.

"No... No!" He gasped, his bound hands coming forward to grasp at Arthur's shirt, but watching as the body lulled to the side and fell over once it was disturbed.

John jumped back and stared at Arthur's lifeless corpse, but as the cage opened, John quickly looked up and watched as the psycho walked in... The same one that Arthur...

"You got somethin' to say, boy? You got a purty mouth." He chortled, beginning to stalk towards John, who looked up at the man in pure disbelief. "The silent type huh? My favorite kind."

Wait a minute... No... This... This wasn't the plan! Quickly looking over, John's chest clenched painfully as he realized that Arthur wasn't alive to save him this time. Tears gathered in John's eyes as he looked back to the man, beginning to back up, desperately pushing himself away as the stranger began walking forward. However, it wasn't long before the man lunged at John, overpowering him easily and forcing his tied up hands up and over his head while his other hand began to run over John's body in admiration, making him sick.

This wasn't supposed to happen! Arthur was supposed to save him!

John's eyes looked back over, almost as if maybe Arthur would be alive to help him... But he wasn't... He could see Arthur's eyes looking at him from where he laid and the pain seeing Arthur's corpse as well as knowing this man was about to do whatever the fuck he wanted to him... John screamed.

* * *

"Hey!" Arthur barked, gently shaking John's shoulder as the other slept, two rabbits in his other hand.

Arthur had only been gone for about two hours, the sun was beginning it's descent due to the winter months approaching. However, without warning, John's eyes flew open and they had a crazed haze over them before he roughly shoved Arthur away.

"Get away from me!" John yelled, sufficiently startling Arthur who nearly jumped on his skin.

"Jesus!" He yelped before resting his hand over his heart as John sat there, his breaths coming out in panicked huffs. "The hell is your problem!?" He snarled, but once Arthur saw the fear and shock bright in John's eyes, he furrowed his brows. "Hey, hey, you alright?" He asked, gently setting the rodents in his hand aside and kneeling next to John, who was staring at him like he had seen a ghost, which wasn't helping calm Arthur's worries, he reached over and gently rested a hand on John's shoulder. "Talk to me, cowboy..." He coaxed.

John winced at the familiar term of endearment... He hadn't heard it in...

"I-I... I'm alright... Just a nightmare." John eventually breathed out, reaching up and rubbing his eyes.

"Yeah, I gathered that..." Arthur scoffed softly, tilting his head. "... Wanna talk about it?" He questioned.

John continued panting softly until he regained his breath, looking up to Arthur when he inquired about the nightmare, John hesitated but eventually shook his head. It disheartened Arthur, he wanted to help John desperately but he knew they weren't _there _yet. Taking his hand away from John's shoulder, he nodded.

"I understand... I get them too." Arthur mentioned before reaching back over to grab the rabbits and moved so he was sitting next to John.

"... Bad ones?" John asked.

"... Yeah." Arthur replied evenly. "... Sometimes about Isaac... Annabelle... And you." He confessed, seeing John in his peripheral look over at him.

"Really..?" he asked. "... Like what?"

Arthur didn't like talking about himself, and he hated more talking about his weaknesses, and despite not wanting to admit it, John _was _one of his weaknesses. He really considered changing the subject but Arthur sighed and looked over.

"... How about, I'll tell you if you help me with this?" He asked, nodding to the rabbits, at first, John thought Arthur meant help skinning, but seeing as Arthur pulled out an empty can John tilted his head. "Help me make sure I don't lose any of the blood." He explained.

Quietly, John did as Arthur instructed once he had cut the animal's throat, bleeding it out carefully. Out of the two rabbits, they managed to keep it clean and had just under half a can. Once they were done, Arthur was quick to cover it with a rag and placed it aside, he thought about putting it in the cave but with the sun beginning to go down and the temperature starting to drop, he didn't worry too much about it.

"So... You gonna tell me?" John asked softly, cutting through the silence like a knife, in his mind, Arthur was hoping John would forget but he should've known better.

"... I had a lot of bad ones after Colm forced you off that bridge years back." Arthur mentioned.

"Really?" John inquired, looking over to Arthur as the fire warmed their feet.

"Yeah... When I saw you in the mud I-..." Just like all those years ago, Arthur's throat clenched and abruptly cut him off, clearing his throat he swallowed harshly. "... It felt like my life was over." He admitted.

John's heart fluttered, and even though he knew it was a bad idea... He turned his head and looked over just as Arthur had. John had been hiding from Arthur for so long, he was tired of fighting, but what was he supposed to do..? Looking back to the fire, John gulped but spoke.

"... You remember a few years ago, when we got in that fistfight and ended up in the river?" John asked, seeing Arthur nod in the corner of his eye. "... I-I haven't thought about it since but... This time was different." John murmured, slightly confusing the man beside him.

"How?"

"... When those assholes beat you, you were hurt so bad I... I thought you were dead or close to it... But this time you _were _dead... I kept thinking you'd get up and save me but... You didn't." John explained, he knew he probably didn't make much sense but he didn't want to go too in-depth, but thankfully it seemed Arthur understood now.

Looking to the fire as well, Arthur took a breath. He remembered that day all too much, he wished he could forget it...

_Be a good boy and I'll make you beg for more._

Reaching up, Arthur quickly ran a hand through his hair, oh yes, he remembered that day... His blood began to boil as he recalled how angry he was, and how territorial he felt as well. He wanted to rip that man's fucking head off with his bare hands.

"... You know I'd never let that happen to you, right?" Arthur inquired before glancing back over, watching as John did the same. "... Never, John." He assured before reaching over and resting a hand on John's back, and immediately it gave the younger man relief.

"Y-You don't have to promise anything like that-"

"Yes, I do." Arthur interjected seriously, the fire set ablaze in his eyes catching John off guard momentarily. "... Yes, I do." He repeated softer, calmer, and with that, he went to work on skinning one of the rabbits silently, John blinked but took a breath before he took the other animal and went to work as well to keep his mind occupied. "... I know I messed up a lot... With you and me..." Arthur then said, despite his better judgment. "But... No matter what, I'll always have your back, John." he affirmed seriously.

John hated how much Arthur could tug on his heartstrings... Because no matter how much he wanted to be angry and push Arthur away, he couldn't. He wanted to ask Arthur so many things... Like why he was dropped like a fly, but he knew he wasn't ready to hear the answer yet, so he kept it to himself for the moment.

"Same here." John muttered softly, actually surprising Arthur enough to make him glance over, but John didn't look up.

Unable to help it, Arthur smiled before he returned his attention to the task at hand. Once they were finished, Arthur added another log to the fire and laid out the strips of meat to cook evenly above the embers. While Arthur understood the appeal of living in a city, he could never do it himself, there was nothing like catching or growing your own food.

By the time the two had eaten the sun was gone from the sky, but Arthur wasn't quite ready to retire yet. John pulled out a pack of cigarettes, offering one to Arthur as usual, to which he took with no hesitation... Arthur felt like a damn school-girl, _anything _to have their hands possibly touch. Once he had the cigarette pursed between his lips, Arthur reached down and grabbed his leather-bound book from his satchel.

Every time John saw Arthur's journal, his heart always seemed to skip a beat... He remembered the first night that he and Arthur were together, and how Arthur sat behind him and showed him the drawings he had done of him. Suddenly remembering John had something in his saddlebag his partner would want, he stood and briefly walked away from Arthur as the other reached back into his bag to pull out a lighter.

When John returned, Arthur could see something in his hand and leaned over a bit to snoop but John hid it next to him.

"What was that?" Arthur asked curiously, and despite John being nervous and still working through exactly how he felt about Arthur, the look on his face could only be described as a smirk.

"Nuh-uh, gimme a light first." he said, nodding to the lighter in Arthur's grasp, who was slightly taken aback by John's tone, he almost sounded... Flirty?

Blinking, Arthur cleared his throat before he reached up, lighting the tobacco stick in his mouth and leaned over to extend his arm to John. He leaned in and inhaled as the flame touched the cigarette, his eyes coasting up to meet Arthur's as he did so. He couldn't imagine being a woman and feeling like this for more than one man, Arthur was hard enough to deal with as it was.

When John was satisfied, he leaned back against the log next to Arthur and finally reached over and handing him a bottle of Arthur's favorite alcohol, Kentucky Bourban. His face must have given him away because John soon chuckled at him.

"Surprised?" He asked, Arthur quickly closed his gaping mouth and rubbed the back of his neck bashfully as his face lit up with a blush, thank god the fire would cover it.

"Honestly? Yeah." Arthur replied with a small laugh of his own before taking the bottle. "What's the occasion?" Arthur inquired curiously before looking back to John who shrugged.

"No occasion... I just was in the store last week or so with Javier and I saw it, the time just never felt right to give it to you until now." John explained, Arthur felt his heart throb knowing John just saw it and thought enough of him to buy it.

"Well, then it's only fair you and I have the first drink." Arthur mused, actually relieving John further.

"I was hoping you'd say that." John snickered before he scooted a bit closer to Arthur, who definitely noticed.

Arthur popped the cork out of the bottle and leaned in to smell carefully, there was nothing like a good bourbon. Tipping the bottle back up a bit he took a small swig to get the flavor before handing the bottle to John, enjoying the warmth coasting down into his stomach and watching John take a drink too. Arthur's eyes focused on John's throat muscles and he gulped before turning his attention immediately back to the journal in his lap.

When John passed the bottle back to Arthur he noticed the journal and averted his gaze quickly since he knew Arthur was rather touchy about people looking into it. Arthur's eyes briefly looked to John before his hand moved a bit closer to John, offering him to look down as he took a drink.

"What do you think I should draw?" He asked, intriguing John as he glanced down to the blank page and taking the bottle once more as Arthur readied the pencil.

As normal, John felt like his heart couldn't take the heartfelt gestures from Arthur... He really was trying with John, and the other man despite being cold more often than not could tell and he could feel his fortitude beginning to crumble.

"... Do yourself." John mused, arching a brow over at Arthur at the challenge.

Arthur didn't look in mirrors for a reason, he knew he wasn't the prize pony anymore, he was the reliable workhorse and truly he didn't see himself enough to have a conscious memory of what he looked like, sure he saw himself when he shaved but he didn't really _look _at himself. However, thanks to the alcohol making his ability to think too hard vanish and he quickly began to sketch.

John held onto the bottle as Arthur drew and he occasionally glanced to the fire and took a swig. Even though his nightmare had definitely shaken him up, John was having a good time... With Arthur... Again.

"Done." Arthur suddenly piped up, slightly surprising John who looked over.

Without warning, a loud laugh burst from John's mouth as he saw the drawing, it was a donkey... Arthur drew a fucking _donkey._

"I know right? Perfect resemblance." Arthur chortled, grinning at John's honking laugh, he couldn't remember a time he heard John laugh so hard.

"Perfect, Arthur." John finally praised once he caught his breath.

Arthur offered the book over to John, who took it so he could really see the drawing up close and he snickered again, having to hold in the giggle fit threatening to break out. Handing it back to Arthur, John shook his head, he definitely wasn't expecting _that. _Handing the bourbon back to Arthur as well, John made the split-second decision to lean in, his shoulder gently pressing against Arthur's as he felt the alcohol beginning to take effect on his brain, to his shock, John was actually sleepy.

"You tired, cowboy?" Arthur asked more affectionately than he was trying to let on.

"Yeah..." John yawned, adjusting his position once more so that his head was leaning against Arthur's shoulder.

Feeling John willingly and comfortably lay his head on his shoulder, Arthur gently closed his journal and, like he had weeks prior, wrapped an arm firmly and comfortably around John... While Arthur wouldn't normally describe a man as cute, John was _adorable. _Thankfully, before he could ruin the moment with his tactless mouth, Arthur could hear John's breathing turn into the smooth rhythm of sleep.

Gently rubbing John's shoulder, Arthur leaned his head into John's, knowing that there was nowhere else on earth he'd rather be than right there with John in his arms.

> First of March, it's clear to me  
There's something that's uncomforting  
Your body has a way with me  
But I'm exactly where I wanna be  
But I'm a long way from home
> 
> I know your voice, I know your face  
This is something I cannot replace  
Give me hope and give me doubt  
Well I loved you then but I don't love you now  
I'm a long way from home
> 
> 'Cause we're a long way from home
> 
>   
No listen now, don't walk away  
I've got nothing more to say  
Can you see it in my dying face  
You're acting like I care  
Now is there anything that I can do  
If there was would we be singing
> 
>   
'Cause, you're a part of me and I'm a part of you  
'Cause, you're a part of me and I'm a part of you  
'Cause, you're a part of me and I'm a part of you  
'Cause, you're a part of me and I'm a part of you
> 
> source: [Bones by Low Roar (feat. Jofridur Akadottir)](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SBwoMJNxiFo)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I figured it was time for Arthur and John to have some alone time! I hope everyone is still enjoying! Feel free to let me know in the comments! Thank you for reading!  
-Eros


	20. Chapter 20

When Arthur's eyes opened once more, he rolled his neck a bit from the stiffness of the night, but he was surprised that John was still comfortably cuddled up next to him, their positions hadn't changed. The first thing that helped wake Arthur up fully was the cold bite in the air. It was the beginning of November, the temperature had been steadily dropping and now that Arthur could see his breath, he wanted to get the fire started... But he didn't want to let John go.

Looking over to John, the hand that had been positioned around his shoulders slowly, carefully drew upwards, hesitating as it neared John's hair but taking a slow breath, Arthur allowed his fingers to gently entangle into John's dark locks. His hair was so soft... Arthur missed being able to run his hands through it and gripping it at night...

Arthur tried not to think of the past, memories usually brought back hurt but as he looked down at John as he snoozed peacefully in his arms Arthur's heart felt like it would burst. He missed John... He almost missed being pissed off at him all the time, at least he didn't feel so heartbroken when they were fighting... But Arthur knew he didn't really want that.

Without warning, John nuzzled into Arthur's neck in his sleep from the pleasant feeling of Arthur's fingers caressing his scalp. Arthur actually blushed _again_ for the second time in twenty-four hours as he gulped down his anxieties. With his free hand, he reached carefully brought out his pocket watch to check the time, it was about eight o'clock.

Just as Arthur had brought the golden item out, the brief glare passed John's face and his eyes fluttered before they opened. Gathering his bearings for a moment, John suddenly remembered where he was... And who he was with. While part of him wanted to move away from Arthur... He stayed... Wanting to cherish these moments while he had them. However, as his eyes moved to the object that originally woke him up, and his heart skipped a beat.

_Cas Morgan._

John swallowed harshly, he hadn't seen the watch in years, he had forgotten that he was the one who had fixed it in the first place.

_S-Sorry, I thought you'd be happy._

_... I love it._

That was the first time Arthur had kissed him.

Taking a breath, John gathered the courage to pull his head away from Arthur's shoulder, reaching up and rubbing his eyes to give off the appearance that he hadn't been awake for the last minute or two. Arthur glanced over as John did so, closing the watch and slipping it back into his satchel.

"Mornin' sleepin' beauty." he teased in good humor.

"Shut up..." John yawned, opening his eyes in time to see Arthur get up and stretch, quickly averting his gaze.

Once Arthur was up, he took the few steps over to the small woodpile he and John had gathered for the night, there was one last good log. Kneeling, Arthur piled some tinder and loose material into the pit, taking out his lighter and starting a tiny flame, but as he went to stand to grab the log, he was a bit surprised to see John standing there, offering it to him, he hadn't even noticed the other stand up.

"I got it." John stated.

"Oh... Thanks." Arthur mused before taking the wood and carefully placing it on the fire as not to smother it.

Thankfully due to the chill in the air, the wood wasn't wet but it still took some coaxing to light. Once Arthur was sure the log wouldn't snuff out again, he fell back onto his rear and sighed, reaching up and rubbing the back of his neck. John soon sat parallel to him, and Arthur soon realized that, while there wasn't necessarily any problems, there was a slight tension in the air.

"Hey... Um..." John muttered, catching Arthur's attention. "... Thanks for last night."

Well, Arthur surely wasn't expecting _that._

"It's not-"

"C-Can I say this?" John inquired suddenly seeming anxious and efficiently shutting Arthur up. "... I know that... I've not made anything easier between us..." He admitted. "... I should have said it a long time ago but... I'm sorry." He said, looking over to Arthur, this time it was _his _turn to blush as he saw the rather shocked expression on Arthur's face. "D-Don't look at me like that, say something!"

"I-I'm sorry I'm just..." Arthur trailed off in his surprised state, watching as John quickly looked back to the fire, almost pouting.

John was never good at expressing his emotions, he probably took after Arthur in that sense but for John to apologize to Arthur? It was just unprecedented, but seeing the waves of emotions going through John's eyes as he focused almost desperately on the firepit, Arthur sighed and shook his head before he hauled himself up onto his feet and offering his hand to John.

The other seemed to eye Arthur's hand warily, but just for a moment before he took it and stood up as well, but this time, Arthur kept John's hand in his own... Looking down to it, John's heartrate automatically skyrocketing when he felt Arthur's hand gently squeeze his before releasing it.

"You don't have to apologize, John." Arthur eventually sighed as his hand reached out to rest upon John's shoulder.

"Yes, I do... Just... Please, forgive me, Arthur. I-I thought..." John murmured, trailing off before averting his gaze. "... Just forgive me."

Arthur was stunned, what was John thinking about? Was it about before or after they had broke things off? Arthur had so many questions, but he had a feeling that John just needed this for the moment, and truly the apology meant a lot to him. John had sufficiently tortured him for years. Nodding, Arthur's hand slowly caressed upwards until it rested on the border of his neck.

"... I forgive you." He said simply.

John released a small shuttered breath of relief, if he had been told a year ago he would be _apologizing _to Arthur, he would have spat in the messengers face. However, in growing close with Arthur again... He realized that treating Arthur like shit for years wasn't right either.

"Thanks." He said before finally managing to look back to Arthur, who nodded in return and gently patting John's shoulder before turning and looking towards the cave.

It looked much more foreboding in the morning somehow and Arthur sighed before looking back to John and shrugging. John still wasn't convinced that this was the greatest plan but...

"I guess we should pack up the horses at least... How much oil you got?" Arthur inquired.

"Maybe an hour and a half worth." John replied.

"Damn... I only got about that much too." Arthur sighed.

"We _could _still go back." John offered, arching a brow at Arthur.

"No, we already stayed out here we may as well... I didn't sleep against that damn log for nothin'." He scoffed, making John's cheeks light up with just the lightest shade of pink at the mention of their previous night.

The two packed up in relative silence, Arthur wasn't exactly in a hurry since they only had a few hours of lantern oil, though he prayed they wouldn't have to use all of it... Or worse. Reaching down and grabbing the can of blood, he swirled it around gently and was glad to see it was still mostly liquid, even if a little coagulated. When the horses were ready to disembark, Arthur looked around. He got uncomfortable with leaving The Admiral tied up outside a cave in the woods...

"We should probably let the horses go... I worry a cougar or a bear might come upon 'em." Arthur mentioned, John nodded in agreement.

Making sure they had all the necessary items needed for this expedition, Arthur and John shooed off their horses before finally approaching the cave and peering inside for the first time. Arthur frowned before looking to John and nodding to his lantern.

"I'll start and lead, we need to make sure we don't step off no cliffs." Arthur explained.

"Cliffs? I thought we were going underground?" John asked in a confused fashion.

"Yeah but it's a mine, John... They're digging down?" Arthur queried back, making John roll his eyes.

"I see your point." John grumbled.

"Do you remember going through here at all when you were with Hosea?" Arthur asked.

"N-Not really, I was kinda creeped out and just focused on Hosea, I didn't think I'd be coming back." John mumbled but Arthur shook his head.

"It's alright... I guess we should just go then." Arthur sighed, he really wasn't excited.

Getting the flame in his lantern going, Arthur kept his eyes on the ground most of the time once they were consumed by darkness. John's job was to mark where they had been while Arthur led them. Occasionally Arthur would glance up to make sure there wasn't any falling debris but kept his eyes vigilant, he never considered himself to be afraid of the dark but there was a difference between a night in the woods and being completely blind in a cave and it wasn't a thought he was fond of, He just kept trying to move forward and pausing as John took a few seconds to mark the walls with the rabbit blood.

After about forty-five minutes, Arthur actually jumped just a bit when his foot kicked something hollow and looking down a coldness swept up his spine as he realized that it was a skull that had rolled across the floor.

"Jesus..." John mumbled before glancing up to the walls. "Hey point the light over here."

When Arthur did as told, the two actually gasped softly, there was writing on the wall... In blood.

** _ALL ARE FORGOTTEN DOWN HERE_ **

"... A-Are you sure we're the only ones here?" John mumbled, clearing his throat to rid his voice of the anxiety.

"... No." Arthur murmured in reply, looking to John, the blood was probably only a few days old.

This only cemented Arthur's idea not to stay longer than necessary, turning around to look for any other fucked up scrawlings of... Whoever was down here, Arthur was still not relieved even though there was none. Suddenly a worry began to build in his gut... Jacob was a small boy and Amelia was someone that could be easily overpowered. Did someone else find them first..?

"C-Come on, John we gotta keep going." Arthur hurried before beginning to walk down the tunnel once more.

"What!? Are you serious? I'm not taking another goddamn step!" John protested.

"What? What do you mean?" Arthur asked.

"A-Are you... Did you not read that fucking obvious warning right there? _In blood!?" _John snarled.

"Shh! Don't give us away, you idiot!" Arthur growled back, but before fightin' words could be said, Arthur took a deep breath, reaching forward and gently resting a hand on John's shoulder. "... They're kids, John." He almost seemed to beg.

"A-Arthur-"

"Please John." Arthur pleaded. "... I-... I can't do this one without you..." He sighed, averting his gaze but forcing it back to John's, who seemed to stare at him with a critical expression but eventually sighed as well.

"You _owe _me." John huffed, relieving Arthur beyond words, nodding he gently clapped John's shoulder once.

"I already do." Arthur said but offered John a small smile.

"Exactly... So start walking before I change my mind." John mused, making Arthur chuckle just a little.

"Alright, alri-"

Without warning, as Arthur went to walk forward once again, his foot caught on a rock and he was quick to tumble to the floor. John gasped and lunged forward to try and catch Arthur but found himself only falling on top of him just as Arthur's lantern shattered... And within seconds they were in total darkness.

"Aw shit, John!" Arthur yowled out some in pain as he laid on the floor, groaning and leaning his head back.

"Y-You're the one that fell!" John replied, panicking some as he tried to scramble up off of Arthur, but due to the blinding darkness, John couldn't stable his equilibrium at first.

"C-Calm down." Arthur said trying to gauge his surroundings and ease his own ever-growing panic.

"H-How am I supposed to calm down!?" John asked, his heart beginning to speed up, fear transparent in his voice.

"John!" Arthur snapped, reaching forward and grabbing the first body part that wasn't his own, causing John to stop moving immediately. "... Calm down." He repeated softer.

Only then did Arthur realize that he had taken ahold of John's waist, and now that there was silence in the air and the initial panic of the fall began to wear off... It became apparent that John was straddling him, how they had gotten into this position was unknown to him but he wasn't about to complain. John, on the other hand, felt as if the world had stopped, he hadn't realized that in his panic that he had sat up on top of Arthur... His breaths were shaky and he was unsure of what to do.

Surely, he should just stand and get his own lantern out and let that be the end of it but... He just couldn't, it was as if his body was suddenly giving up on fighting. Arthur gulped but looked up as he laid on his back, trying his best to look in John's direction, he thought of asking John what was going on but there was a sudden wave of pure unadulterated hunger, with his hands right where they belonged... Arthur's breathing slowed for a moment as he processed what was happening.

This wasn't the right time... John knew this, but despite _wanting _to get up and not think about what was happening between him and Arthur at the moment... He wasn't sure of what he _needed. _John was scared and unsure of what to do, his breaths were shaking and Arthur could hear it in the absolute silence of the mine.

"John..." Arthur voiced, his tone soft and gentle while doing whatever he could to comfort the man above him, he wasn't sure what to say... But actions spoke louder than words.

John flinched slightly when Arthur said his name, he thought he was going to lose it until he felt Arthur's hands slowly inching down at a snail's pace. Arthur swallowed harshly as his hands found themselves ending up at John's hips... They felt so right...

But this wasn't right... This wasn't okay, John had worked _so hard_ _for_ _so long _to keep Arthur at bay to prevent this from happening again, but despite every bone in his body ready to get up and run away from this... His heart felt like it was going to implode, quickly reaching forward, his hands caught Arthur's just as he felt the other's thumbs slowly stroking his side, it was so comforting but...

Arthur's heart stopped when he felt John's hands grab him so roughly, he could feel the other's grasp trembling and for a moment he thought John was about to swing at him... And if John was being honest with himself, maybe he did plan on punching Arthur, but without warning, John began to inch his hands up Arthur's, caressing up his wrists and then up his arms, feeling John's hands stop on his forearms just to feel Arthur's muscles again.

Unknowing how John was going to respond to... Whatever this was, Arthur wasn't even sure what he was doing he was just operating on instinct and knowing that John was _reciprocating _made Arthur's heart nearly pound out of his chest. Part of him wanted to ask John what was happening, he wanted to ask John if he wanted more... He wanted to ask John if he could have another chance...

Taking a breath, one of Arthur's hands began to trace back upwards in the darkness, moving from John's hip, to his waist and slowly up towards his chest. Arthur knew this was a gamble at this point, whatever happened beyond here was completely left up to chance.

Feeling Arthur's hand beginning to move, John did his best not to panic again and soon began to remember how much Arthur's hands could calm him and when he felt Arthur's thumb barely hovering over his nipple, John's grasp on Arthur's arm tightened just for a moment.

This was so confusing... Arthur never thought he would get this far with John again, the fact that this was all unintentional made Arthur think and wonder about his relationship with John, was it beyond saving? Was it even worth trying to explore that..?

Blinking, Arthur then used the hand stationed at John's hip to carefully sit himself up. John bit his tongue when he felt Arthur move and feeling his chest gently brush up against his own... He was scared but not scared enough to back away, he could feel Arthur's calm breaths coasting towards him, he knew Arthur was close...

Reaching up, one of Arthur's hands carefully found John's cheek to which he flinched away at first out of surprise but feeling the shockingly gentle nature of Arthur's calloused fingertips running over his skin... He relaxed again, and Arthur knew he couldn't stop himself any longer, his heart began to thunder as he leaned, gently pressing his lips against John's neck.

John couldn't believe this was happening, moments ago he was worried about some kind of damn monster eating him in the darkness and now... His resolve was crumbling and he shivered.

"A-Arthur..." He finally mumbled, a blush consuming his cheeks, despite wanting to tell Arthur to stop his tone was much more... Forgiving.

Hearing John sounding almost needy, Arthur released a breath and soon nipped the skin he was privileged to sample once more. The light salt on his skin from the sweat they had worked up searching the house nearly drove Arthur crazy. The nip soon traveled closer to John's ear as Arthur's hands slowly began to lower back to John's waist and then his hips. He wanted more... He _needed _more... He wanted to make John feel amazing and suddenly Arthur forgot how creepy this cave was.

John's hands soon found themselves reluctantly resting on Arthur's shoulders once he began to stop denying what he really wanted... He couldn't kid himself anymore and he couldn't keep denying what Arthur was to him.

"A-Arthur I-..." John sputtered somewhat, doing his best not to relish the attention.

Without pause, Arthur's lips continued to move around John's neck while his hands lowered, but before they could get to their destination, a light suddenly spilled out around the corner and both he and John quickly gasped and turned towards the direction. Thankfully whoever it was hadn't seen them yet, John quickly used the advantage to shove himself away from Arthur and off his lap somewhat ungracefully, his breaths still coming out in soft huffs as he tried to stop his blood from rushing somewhere else. Quickly standing up, Arthur got in front of John, a hand quickly resting on his holster.

"Whose there?" He asked, squinting just a little.

When the person didn't answer, Arthur frowned but as they rounded the corner he breathed a sigh in relief to see Jacob looking just as surprised as he did, having a lantern of his own.

"Jesus kid you gave us... Quite a scare." Arthur murmured, clearing his throat and glancing back to John before offering a hand to help John up.

This time though, John didn't take the offering, he got up on his own, brushing himself off and sending a small side-eyed glare at Arthur, telling him he had gone too far... Shit. Reaching back, Arthur rubbed the back of his neck as the boy approached them, looking somewhat suspiciously at the pair but eventually recognizing Arthur he smiled just a bit.

"You remember me?" Arthur asked. "I know I was mostly sleepin' last time we met." He explained, the boy quickly nodded, relieving Arthur further despite the fact that John wouldn't even look at him now, he knew he royally had fucked things up but the mission took priority... For the moment. "You think you could take us to your sister?" He asked, taking some comfort when Jacob nodded.

This was going to be rough... Arthur kept glancing over at John while they walked but John's gaze was locked ahead. They had come so far for Arthur's dick to fuck it up... Taking a breath Arthur continued walking, wondering what this meant for their relationship, but he was also confused if John hated it so much, why didn't he pull away? Why didn't he say something? Arthur had never given John a reason to be afraid of saying no to him, Arthur was both scared _and _confused.

For now, he just tried to forget whatever had just happened and followed the child through the rest of the maze. Once they reached the central room, Arthur definitely remembered this place, he remembered Dutch staying at his side the entire time when he was shot. In all honesty, Arthur was just thankful to be able to see now, but as he looked across the room and saw Amelia reading quietly by candlelight, when she looked up she looked dumbfounded.

"M-Mister Morgan? Is that you?" She asked, getting up and quickly walking over to him.

"In the flesh." Arthur replied, watching her smile happily.

"You look so much different when you ain't dyin'." She giggled.

"I'd hope so... We actually came because we need your help." Arthur said after a small chuckle.

"... The bank?" Amelia asked somewhat warily, watching Arthur nod.

John watched the interaction silently and hung back a bit as he tried to calm down the panic attack that was beginning to form. Gulping, he reached up and fixed his collar just in case Arthur had left any marks... Why didn't he stop him? Drowning out Arthur explaining the plan to Amelia, John looked anywhere _but _Arthur. He was with Abigail! He was supposed to stop Arthur and remind him of his place but... He couldn't, this only meant one thing.

"Have any strangers been coming up in these caves by the way?" Arthur inquired.

"No why?"

"Well, we saw some pretty nasty markings on the walls looking for ya, we was worried some kind of crazies got to you." He explained, watching as Amelia giggled.

"Oh! I-I'm sorry Mister Morgan, I did those." She replied, dumbfounding Arthur for the moment. "With my brother and I not exactly being the most strong people, I made those out of blood I used from whatever meat I had on hand, as you see people are less likely to explore places that are unwelcome." She said, and it was actually a smart strategy.

"You had us goin' I'll admit." Arthur snorted. "You put those skulls there too?" he asked just out of curiosity, watching Amelia smile nervously.

"Um, those no, they were here before us." She murmured.

John continued to ignore the conversation as he processed his future with Arthur in his head... He would have to distance himself again... Arthur was too much for him, he had too much influence, he would have to be cold to Arthur and force him away... Even if he didn't really want to, he _had _to. John was thinking so hard in fact, he didn't realize Jacob was tryin' to get his attention until the boy began to tug on his hand. Blinking, John looked down and arched his brows as he saw the boy looking up at him.

"What is it, boy?" John asked politely as he knelt down to his level, watching as Jacob pointed behind him and began to walk.

Even if John found it a little off that the kid didn't speak, he was still a nice one. Figuring out that Jacob wanted him to follow, John stood and walked towards Jacob until he reached into a small chest by what seemed to be a makeshift bed and watching the kid pull out a tightly folded up blotched cloth. Tilting his head, John furrowed his brows but took the offering and carefully unfolded the object until he realized exactly what it was.

It was Arthur's shirt the day he was shot... There was so much blood, it shocked John as to how Arthur survived such a serious wound and without warning tears stung his eyes again. Goddammit! He was trying to omit Arthur from his life and now... All he could see was the blood splattered all over the floor and thinking he was dead, and now he was seeing exactly what Arthur had gone through while he was here and it made him sick.

"I still stand with taking the Raven's down, those are my terms." Amelia explained evenly with a smile, to which Arthur nodded.

"Understandable... By the way, thank you for... Saving my life." Arthur said sincerely, watching Amelia blush and shake her head.

"Of course Mister Morgan... You'd be doing me a great service think of me being selfish." She chuckled some.

Glancing back toward John, he frowned seeing the other had gone away and searched the area he could see John's back turned to him. Knowing this trip was coming to and end he said his ultimate thanks to Amelia before he walked toward John, his heart beating harder and harder the closer he got.

"Hey uh... Whatcha lookin' at?" Arthur asked once he got close and he was astonished to see John quickly turn around with tears brimming in his eyes.

"I-It's nothing... This is yours." John quickly deflected, clearing his throat before offering the garment. "The kid wanted to give it back."

"J-John are you-"

"I'm fine."

John's tone left no room for argument and as Arthur looked down to the garment he remembered that day again... Shoving Dutch into the hole and the next thing he knew, he was without breath. He wanted to make sure John was okay, he also remembered their conversation shortly after he arrived back home.

_I-I have so much anger that I have built up inside me... And it would be really shitty for you to die before I had the chance to say all the things I need to say to you..._

Arthur wanted so much to know John was alright... But John wouldn't even look him in the face now, he really did screw everything up, he should have known to keep his lips to himself but he had been denying himself so long he thought... Perhaps John wanted it too... But he should have known, John had Abigail now after all, why the fuck would he want Arthur?

Sighing, Arthur finally nodded and turned his gaze to the floor.

"Alright then... Uh Amelia said Jacob would lead us out the shortest way and we got what we came for so-"

Without another word John brushed passed him, leaving Arthur to reflect on what an idiot he had been. Reaching up, he ran a hand through his hair before turning and watching John's retreating form... It was so good to kiss him again, even if he hadn't gotten the opportunity to savor his lips, but if he had known that things would have gone this way he would have held himself back.

"Fuck." He groaned softly to himself before trailing after John, desperately needing to get back and drink the rest of the bourbon John had bought him.

> I feel it everyday it's all the same  
It brings me down but I'm the one to blame  
I've tried everything to get away  
So here I go again  
Chasing you down again  
Why do I do this?  
  
Over and over, over and over  
I fall for you  
Over and over, over and over  
I try not to  
  
It feels like everyday stays the same  
It's dragging me down and I can't pull away  
So here I go again  
Chasing you down again  
Why do I do this?  
  
Over and over, over and over  
I fall for you  
Over and over, over and over  
I try not to  
Over and over, over and over  
You make me fall for you  
Over and over, over and over  
You don't even try  
  
So many thoughts that I can't get out of my head  
I try to live without you, every time I do I feel dead  
I know what's best for me  
But I want you instead  
I'll keep on wasting all my time  
  
Over and over, over and over  
I fall for you  
Over and over, over and over  
I try not to  
Over and over, over and over  
You make me fall for you  
Over and over, over and over  
You don't even try to
> 
> source: [Over and Over by Three Days Grace](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tx2i8mHzv5s)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Things are getting spicyyyyyyyy. Do forgive me for being a tease! I hope it's all been worth the wait!  
-Eros


	21. Chapter 21

Before Jacob led them out, Arthur did promise that they would send someone over the next few days after he had a discussion with Dutch about her terms for helping them. In turn, she told Arthur she would be waiting where they exited. It was a relief knowing they wouldn't have to traverse through the cave systems again, Arthur already had to get a new lantern...

In ways, Jacob reminded Arthur of Isaac, he was a good kid, he didn't speak but he was able to clearly communicate what he wanted and how he was feeling... The childlike wonder in his eyes still shining despite all he had been through with Amelia, it made Arthur's heart beat just a bit more painfully, but like a champ, Jacob led them through the caverns like a pro and without hesitation to his steps.

Arthur was trailing behind both Jacob and John, his eyes shifting to the man before him more than he wanted to admit... He knew that whatever ground he had gained with John was surely shattered, nothing would be the same again... But Arthur knew what that felt like.

John on the other hand just tried to keep from spewing, he was so nauseous he didn't even know what to think or what to say, he stayed silent in hoping he wouldn't gag on his own acid. Why!? Why did Arthur do this!? He was finally getting comfortable being around him again and now... Taking a breath, John knew it wasn't _all _on Arthur... He should have pulled away, he should have said no- he could have said anything!

Why didn't he..?

The sound of rushing water thankfully pulled John out of his head and eventually, there was a shine in the distance and the smell of fresh pine began to meander down the corridor of rock walls. To say they were relieved despite what had happened between them was an understatement. However the closer they got to the apparent exit the louder the sound got.

Narrowing his eyes, Arthur soon figured out that they were coming back up on the river they had followed originally, but now they were exiting from the backside of a _waterfall_. How in the hell the kid knew these entrances and caves, Arthur would _never _understand.

When they got outside of the cave, John somewhat stared at the wall of water rushing down in front of them, swallowing harshly, John turned his head back to look at Arthur for the first time since... The incident, and like clockwork their eyes locked. Hearing his heart throb, John quickly looked away, not willing to give Arthur anymore of himself... He feared simply _looking _at Arthur would break his walls down... He had to be more careful.

Frowning, Arthur cast his gaze down before he looked around to determine the best exit strategy, he looked to Jacob who pointed to the left. Tilting his head, Arthur walked around to see a hidden little pathway leading down around the waterfall back to the riverside. Snorting softly and shaking his head, Arthur looked to Jacob with a small smile.

"... You're too smart for your own good, did anyone else tell you that?" Arthur inquired, catching John's attention and he eavesdropped carefully.

Arthur smiled fondly as Jacob seemed to become bashful and nod but smiled at Arthur nonetheless. Kneeling down to his level, Arthur reached forward and gently tousled the kid's hair.

"Thanks for today, kid. You saved us again." He mentioned, nodding before reaching into his satchel and pulling out an object, watching the child's eyes light up when he realized it was a rabbit's foot, though this one was Arthur's personal one he had gotten it years ago from Hosea. "You know what this is?" he asked.

John was unable to help himself, turning to watch the scene unfold, his heart fluttered with warmth as he saw the genuine gentle tenderness in Arthur's eyes as he looked upon the boy. Arthur really did have a soft spot for kids. Goddamn him...

"It's for luck ya know, it's saved me more than once, just like you, ya gotta keep it close... You think you can do that?" Arthur inquired, Jacob nodded enthusiastically before Arthur chuckled and handed it to him.

Without warning, Jacob launched himself into Arthur's arms, hugging him tightly to his shock. Clearing his throat, Arthur wrapped a strong arm around the boy and returned the embrace before nodding back to the cave he had led them from.

"Go ahead back to your sister boy, we can take it from here... Thank you." He stated before Jacob released him and offered both he and John one last grin before he disappeared back into the darkness.

Once Jacob was out of eyesight, the tension was soon to take Arthur out of the pleasant mood that the kid had put him in and he reluctantly looked back to John, surprised to see the other looking at him, but as soon as they were quick to see one another again, John was just as quick to break their eyes.

"... That was nice of you." John commented, finally giving Arthur some reprieve from the silent treatment.

"He saved my life." Arthur mentioned with a shrug before silence took over the air again, he couldn't hold it anymore. "Look, John, I-I'm sor-"

"Don't." John interjected. "Because you're not." He then added, his cold glare feeling like a knife in Arthur's gut.

However, suddenly this felt like deja-vu and John frowned, remembering where kicking Arthur down got him, John's eyes softened for a moment but he couldn't just... Let Arthur get away with he had done either.

"... I-I... I can't do this right now, Arthur... Can we just go home?" John sighed, reaching up and rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly.

Even though John gave Arthur some mercy, it did nothing to soothe the self-loathing that Arthur was accustomed to. He hated himself for potentially _destroying _the one relationship he wanted so desperately to fix. Arthur felt like a fucking _dog _that had just been kicked, but eventually exhaling Arthur nodded and without another word to John he began to walk towards the path he had seen before.

Watching Arthur walk away looking so defeated, John immediately regretted what he said. Reaching up, John rubbed his forehead and silently cursed to himself. Part of him wanted to run after Arthur and apologize... He wanted to tell Arthur that he wanted it so fucking bad... He would have allowed Arthur to take him right then and there.

... But he didn't.

The ride back to camp was nothing short of torture. Arthur was such a selfish fucking asshole, it just... It seemed so perfect at the time. The way John felt in his hands... Arthur knew he would dream about it, he had waited for so long to grab John by his hips.

Blinking, Arthur shook his head briefly to get his mind back on track once he saw the caravans forming in the distance. It was approximately midafternoon by the time they had returned, and just as John got off of Gypsy, he made a point to beeline away from Arthur, to which he suspected.

Arthur almost groaned knowing that Dutch would want a report of what happened... Dutch...

Biting his lip, Arthur quickly turned and walked into camp, his heart racing in his ears... And then he locked on target, he could see Dutch standing outside their tent simply observing nature while he smoked off his pipe... And Arthur wasted no time in walking toward him.

"Arthur! How did you and John get-" Dutch was cut off when Arthur didn't say a word to him but brushed passed him and walked into their tent, the flap swiftly shutting behind him.

Arching a brow, it wasn't like Arthur to blow him off like that. Exhaling the last of the smoke in his lungs, Dutch slipped the pipe into his shirt pocket before he slipped into the tent behind his protege, seeing him hunched over on the floor and going through his belongings in the chest next to his cot. Tilting his head, Dutch took a few steps toward him before speaking.

"... Everything alright, Arthur?" he asked, watching Arthur's movements pause.

"Yeah... Sorry, it was a long trip and I'm exhausted." Arthur said before standing back up and turning around to look at Dutch, knowing the other would have came to check up on him.

Before Dutch could even ask what had Arthur seeming so down, the other suddenly grasped his shirt in his fists and pulled him forward forcefully, crashing their lips together. Arthur needed this... He needed it so fucking bad... He needed to feel something besides the emptiness that followed him everywhere he went.

Dutch actually staggered a bit, gasping into the kiss out of surprise, catching himself on Arthur's hips and reciprocating just as greedily as the other despite being caught off guard. However, when Arthur suddenly began reaching forward and tugging Dutch's shirt from out of his pants, he was quick to pull away.

"A-Arthur we can't-"

"Please Dutch." Arthur cut him off, _begging... _Arthur huffed out a few breaths from the sudden steamy confrontation with Dutch, but as he looked up, his eyes met Dutch's, their faces were just inches from one another. "... Please, Dutch I-... I need it... Right now." he pleaded.

Furrowing his brows slightly in worry, Dutch stared down at Arthur. He wanted to ask Arthur what the hell was going on, what happened that made him so distressed in this way? He could see the sorrow behind Arthur's eyes, but ultimately Dutch nodded and leaned in quickly, pressing their lips back firmly against one another. He wasn't thrilled with the idea of doing this _now _in camp while everyone was awake, but currently, Hosea, Bill, and the three girls were gone on business and leisure, if they needed time now was probably the best before tonight.

Reaching up, Arthur swatted Dutch's signature black hat off of his head so he could get a fistful of his curly mane. Feeling the tugging sensation, Dutch growled softly into the kiss, his dominance ready to fuck Arthur into the ground. Beginning to guide Arthur backward towards his cot, clothing began to trail behind them, while Dutch wasn't trying to make it this long and drawn out thing (this time) he needed to shed at least a few layers.

Arthur shoved everything off his cot since he wasn't about to soil any of the pelts he worked hard to get, once Dutch's vest and belt were gone and his shirt was open for Arthur's viewing pleasure, Dutch reached forward and around Arthur to grab a handful of his ass before pulling him forward once more, their bodies somewhat colliding together for a moment while Dutch leaned down to bite down on Arthur's neck.

Gasping, Arthur winced and bit back the grunt of pain that almost followed, but the bite was soon soothed by the soft kisses of Dutch's lips on his skin. Reaching up with his free hand, Dutch unbuttoned Arthur's shirt, however, once his shirt was open, Arthur pushed Dutch back a bit, both panting in unison. Dutch looked at him with confusion, but when Arthur dropped to his knees and began to unbuckle his pants, he truly wished he could have gotten a snapshot of Dutch's incredulous expression, it was priceless.

It didn't stop him though, Arthur's fingers lightly fumbled with Dutch's pants until he finally got them open and the other's member was exposed. Glancing behind him quickly to make sure that they were still covered, Dutch then looked back down at Arthur with admiration and power. There was something about seeing someone on their knees sucking him off, and right now Dutch had the _privilege _to watch Arthur work him to full attention.

Reaching forward, Arthur gently took Dutch's manhood in his grasp, his eyes darted up to Dutch before leaning in and running his tongue along the head and wasting no time in plunging the head into his mouth to suckle on it greedily. Giving head wasn't Arthur's favorite thing to do, nor was he the best at it but he wasn't about to deny Dutch of it especially right now... Arthur wanted it... He wanted all of it... Anything to take the pain away.

Dutch inhaled slowly, his eyes locked onto Arthur as he watched with intensity. Arthur was so fucking beautiful... Particularly during sex; reaching forward Dutch allowed his fingers to surf through Arthur's hair, caressing his head and allowing his own head to fall back just a bit and his eyes to flutter shut, focusing on the feeling as Arthur's head began to travel up his shaft.

Arthur couldn't take it all, but dammit he would try, getting about halfway up, he pulled back to give himself a bit of relief before leaning in again, this time with Dutch's help. He could feel the other's hand poised at the back of his head and he could feel a certain _prodding,_ Arthur was more than happy to give. Leaning in further, he could feel Dutch's member getting dangerously close to his throat but he swallowed quickly and relaxed, the saltiness of Dutch's own flavor not off-putting in the slightest.

Dutch shivered as he looked back down to Arthur, seeing him take him down so well... Dutch thought he'd go insane, Arthur could feel how much the other was swelling and it didn't take much work before Dutch's cock was ready, willing and able.

"Christ Arthur..." Dutch marveled at the end of a breathy exhale, his tone soft but unguarded. "Get up here." He ordered.

Even though Arthur wasn't done with Dutch, he didn't refuse a command. Slowly pulling himself off of Dutch's dick, he reached up to wipe his mouth before standing up in front of Dutch, who quickly grabbed him by his hips one more time and kissed him, his tongue forcing itself passed Arthur's barries and dancing with Arthur's own, tasting himself on Arthur's lips only fueling him further.

Fastening his hands near Arthur's groin, Dutch began to unbuckle Arthur's pants and once they were open, Dutch took ahold of the waistband and with one swift movement, tugged them down. They eased off of Arthur's hips without much of a fight, but Dutch didn't waste time in making Arthur take off his boots, he had other plans. Dutch _wanted _to shove Arthur onto the cot carelessly, but recalling there were other people around he leaned down, placing one last wet kiss at Arthur's neck.

"Lay down and put your legs up..." Dutch whispered, making Arthur's breathing hitch.

Swallowing harshly, Arthur did as he was told, sitting down onto the cot before laying onto his back and pulling his legs up, holding the back of his thighs with his hands. Dutch quickly knelt onto the cot, taking ahold of Arthur's legs and resting them against his chest, allowing them to hang over the back of his shoulders and looking down at Arthur like a greedy devil. He never thought he would allow anyone to take him like this, let alone _Dutch, _but fuck he was ready.

Reaching up, Dutch spat into his hand, reaching down and relubricating his member that Arthur had kindly done in the beginning and spreading just a bit over Arthur's entrance, grinning as he felt Arthur flinch. With no other words to be shared, Dutch pressed himself forward and with little resistance he sank into Arthur, watching with a smirk as Arthur's eyes fluttered momentarily from the rush of pleasure that invaded his senses.

Thankfully due to Dutch's libido, they had been sleeping together ever since that first night in the hotel and Arthur got accustomed rather quick, there wasn't nearly as much discomfort upon entry. Dutch bit his lip as he continued pushing forward until his hips were firmly pressed against Arthur's, relishing seeing his enforcer already starting to crumble. Shuddering, Arthur's eyes managed to focus back up onto Dutch, a challenging glint appearing in his ocean hues as Dutch began to slide out.

"C'mon Dutch... Fuck me..." He huffed upwards, watching as Dutch's glare intensified.

Arthur wanted to be fucked? He would fuck him alright.

* * *

When John managed to get away from Arthur, he ducked into his tent and sat on his cot, contemplating his recent events with Arthur. Was he being too harsh..? Surely he was right to feel _some _kind of reservations, he still didn't even know why for god sake, _why _did Arthur toss him aside like he was nothing all those years ago? Like what they _had_ was nothing?

Sighing, John reached up and rubbed his eyes, he knew he would have to ask Arthur at some point but now... He wasn't sure if he could. Feeling Arthur's lips on his neck was electrifying, his hand soon found his way to his neck, gently touching the areas where Arthur had kissed him with a frown. He didn't like being toyed with and he was with Abigail now, speaking of, where was that girl?

Standing up once more, he walked out of his tent and looked around, his eyes locking on Arthur and Dutch's tent. For a moment he almost went over to apologize to Arthur but keeping his decision in stone, he continued his search for Abigail. Seeing Susan hanging some laundry across camp, John trekked towards her.

"Miss Grimshaw, you seen Abigail?" He questioned curiously.

Susan glanced over to John, had Abigail told him of her condition..? Scanning John's form over he seemed relaxed if not a little distracted, for now, she would just assume that she didn't tell until it became obvious.

"She's still not feeling well, I think she's laying down right now." She replied, making John frown.

Abigail was still sick? Maybe that's why she was acting so strange, turning on his heel to approach her tent, Susan called out to him.

"John if that girl is asleep you leave her alone!"

Rolling his eyes, John waved his hand to acknowledge that he heard her, he walked up to her tent and listened in for a moment just in case she didn't want to be disturbed, but hearing nothing but silence he peeked his head in, his heart warming as he saw her napping on her cot. Slipping passed the flap opening and trying to let in as little light as possible and doing his best not to disturb her.

Once inside, he silently sat by her bedside for a moment and smiling at her sleeping expression. Reaching down he gently swept a few stray hairs out of her face before taking a breath. He really cared for her... Maybe Arthur was right... Was he in love with her? John was still unsure, but all he knew was he would fight for this woman if it came down to it. Heeding Miss Grimshaw's warning, John soon made his way out of her quarters.

He needed to get away from here... He needed to be alone... John then walked towards the reservoir to enjoy time to himself, he didn't get to often.

* * *

"O-Oh fuck..." Dutch grunted as he rolled his hips eagerly into Arthur's, a layer of sweat forming on his forehead and chest.

Arthur honestly thought he would explode with how fucking good he felt... He felt nothing but ecstasy, which is exactly what he wanted. Holding a hand over his mouth, Arthur bit into his palm whenever Dutch would graze against his g-spot, and despite not wanting to get caught, the risk of it all only made him get off more.

Dutch wasn't expecting to have sex with Arthur as soon as he returned, he hadn't been planning for it, so he knew that he would come to his end sooner rather than later. His head hunched down for a moment, closing his eyes as he just allowed himself to get sucked into the sex. Slamming his hips forward, Arthur yelped into his hand, Dutch couldn't help smirking down at the slight annoyance flourishing in Arthur's eyes due to the unexpected thrust.

Arthur could feel his knees shaking and his walls holding onto Dutch for dear life, the building sensation that he always craved pulled Arthur out of his irritation and reaching down with his free hand, he wrapped it around his, at this point, leaking cock and beginning to pump his hand up and down. He would be lying if he said he _didn't _think of John during that time, but as soon as he came up, Arthur shooed him away, keeping his eyes on Dutch whenever he needed a reminder of who actually wanted him.

The budding sensation of an oncoming orgasm coupled with his hand, Arthur knew he wouldn't last much longer. He wanted to tell Dutch and warn him, but he knew that if he took his hand away from his mouth there was a chance of _everyone _knowing what they were doing, but Dutch could tell. He could sense Arthur was coming to an end, his breathing was shallow and sporadic, his face was crimson with desire and he took him in with such grace.

Adjusting his grasp on Arthur's hips just a bit, Dutch drove himself into Arthur roughly, panting softly in rhythm. Arthur loved when Dutch plowed him like his own little whore, moaning into his palm, Arthur's back began to arch as the building sensation came to a head and as soon as Dutch saw Arthur's eyes roll, the familiar sensation of Arthur's orgasm began to milk Dutch of everything he had.

Gritting his teeth, Dutch held Arthur tightly as his final thrust began to unload into the man beneath him, filling him deeply and opening his eyes just in time to see Arthur's releasing shooting upwards over his stomach and chest, it was a gorgeous sight to behold. Once the two had ridden through their waves of pleasure, Dutch panted, leaning against Arthur somewhat as they caught their breaths, Arthur's hand falling off of his mouth and off the side of the cot.

He looked utterly exhausted and felt full in the best kind of way, once Dutch got his bearings again he slowly pulled out of Arthur and taking a breath. Before he could say anything, he heard a pair of horses riding up and he grinned down to Arthur, who narrowed his eyes back up at him.

"You gotta hold it in... Sounds like Hosea and Bill are back... C'mon I still want to hear about how things with Amelia went." Dutch explained before backing away from Arthur, allowing his legs to fall while he got up.

_Hold it in? _Was Dutch fucking serious? If looks could kill, he would be a dead man walking, but knowing that Hosea would indeed come looking for him, Arthur didn't have a choice, he asked for it anyway.

As Dutch tucked himself back away into his trousers, Arthur was quick to pull his pants up. The two redressed with relative ease since they hadn't ripped off each other's clothes this time, when Arthur went to duck out of the tent, Dutch wound back his hand, planting a nice _SMACK_ on Arthur's ass, causing the other to turn around at the speed of light, looking almost like a defensive wolf.

"Watch it." he warned.

"Or what?" Dutch asked.

The two stared each other down for a moment and Arthur huffed, knowing they didn't have enough time for a round two and before he would ultimately tackle Dutch to the floor, he turned back around and slipped out of the tent with Dutch in tow just in time to see Hosea and Bill walking towards the tent, they had cut it a little close...

"Oh, Arthur your back." Hosea greeted as Arthur wiped the sweat from his brow.

"Yeah, got back just about twenty minutes ago." Arthur informed.

"How'd things with you and John go?" Hosea inquired, making Arthur pause but thankfully he was numb for the moment, he could just shove all the other baggage down.

"It went alright, it took us a while but we eventually found 'em. She's willing to help us for a price." he explained.

"Good, why don't you go get John and we can have a discussion about what's to come?" Dutch asked.

"No, I'm good." Arthur rejected simply, but surprising both Hosea and Dutch anyway.

It was no secret that Arthur and John had problems, but as of late they had seemed to be doing better, and Arthur never refused to go get him. Dutch arched a brow at Arthur beginning to piece together why he might have been distraught when he returned, while he didn't understand what the sex had to do with it, he wasn't about to object to it.

"... Alright then, I'll go get him. I won't be long." Dutch then said before beginning his stroll towards the last place he saw John.

"If you're lookin' for John, he went towards the lake!" Susan called.

"Thank you!"

As he approached the shore, he could see John sitting with his back to him. Dutch tilted his head, it had been a while since he and John had gotten some time to talk, which was usually Arthur's department. It astounded Dutch how much John took to Arthur as a kid and now they couldn't stand to be around one another, it saddened him.

"Hey there, son." Dutch called, as not to startle John.

"Dutch?" John asked curiously, turning around with a surprised expression. "What are you doin' down here?"

"I was just about to ask you the same." Dutch replied as he offered a hand to John, who took it without hesitation.

When John was hauled up, he was obviously uncomfortable and he averted his gaze. Dutch sighed and shrugged before reaching into his pocket and pulling his pipe back out.

"Look, I'm not like Miss Grimshaw, I won't try to get into your business... But you know you can come to me right?" He asked, making John swallow harshly.

As he looked over for Dutch... For a moment, John really thought about confessing _everything_ about his and Arthur's torrid affair, but realistically he knew that was a terrible idea. He couldn't bear the idea of Dutch looking at him in disgust, it would kill him. Looking away, John did have a question that was on his mind.

"... What if someone you trusted most betrayed you... So bad that even though you want to get over it, you can't?" John asked, leaving out specifics but Dutch wasn't an idiot, humming softly as he wondered exactly what Arthur could have done to warrant such words.

"... If you really want to get over it, if you really care about that person... Your love for them will be enough to see you through." Dutch replied, taking a drag off his pipe. "You remember when I killed Cain O'Driscoll?" He then asked, intriguing John as he nodded. "... Remember Annabelle hittin' me?" He questioned, actually smiling at the memory now.

"Yeah... That was... Rough." John muttered, glancing over as Dutch chortled.

"It was... But later that night, I don't know if it was God or somethin' else but I woke up and walked outside to see her and Arthur talking and... I felt so ashamed." He sighed, frowning finally. "I felt like I was right, that I had done what I needed to do by protecting her... And then she apologized to me and I realized that it wasn't about being right and even if what I had done in the long run was better, I lied to her... And that was wrong." He explained.

John remembered that night too... It was when he realized that he was in love with Arthur.

_I thought about those sick fucks in the woods with their hands on you, I thought about you fallin' in that godforsaken river... I thought about finding you on that riverbed... I thought about you._

_... Do you believe me yet?_

"And then I lost her." Dutch said simply, pulling John out of his mind as he quickly looked over as Dutch stared out at the water, as he exhaled smoke billowed from his lips and he took a moment before looking back to John, the hurt still evident in his heart. "... Life is too short John, I don't know what you and Arthur have gone through together, but I do know that he cares deeply for you and he hurts when you shun him... Just think about it, that's all I ask."

With one last nod, Dutch turned around to leave John, obviously, he needed some time to think alone, he could always feel him in later anyway, and as John watched Dutch's form retreat, he turned back out to the water as he thought of Dutch's words.

All that John could think of was Arthur kissing the back of his hand... And the way Arthur made love to him that night, he missed Arthur so much it fucking _hurt_, but what hurt worse? Keeping Arthur away, or getting hurt by him again?

> And I'd give up forever to touch you  
'Cause I know that you feel me somehow  
You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be  
And I don't wanna go home right now  
  
And all I can taste is this moment  
And all I can breathe is your life  
When sooner or later it's over  
I just don't wanna miss you tonight  
  
And I don't want the world to see me  
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand  
When everything's made to be broken  
I just want you to know who I am  
  
And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming  
Or the moment of truth in your lies  
When everything feels like the movies  
Yeah, you bleed just to know you're alive  
  
And I don't want the world to see me  
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand  
When everything's made to be broken  
I just want you to know who I am  
  
And I don't want the world to see me  
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand  
When everything's made to be broken  
I just want you to know who I am  
  
And I don't want the world to see me  
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand  
When everything's made to be broken  
I just want you to know who I am  
  
I just want you to know who I am  
I just want you to know who I am  
I just want you to know who I am
> 
> source: [Iris by The Goo Goo Dolls](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aNO6yd66PpA)


	22. Chapter 22

For the next week, John and Arthur didn't say one word to one another, and to say it was miserable was an understatement... But thankfully with Dutch behind him most days, Arthur was able to cope. He knew that taking comfort in Dutch like this was wrong... He was using Dutch in a way, but wasn't that their deal? Taking comfort in the one person who understood how you felt... But Arthur knew if he had to rationalize it and give himself excuses, it was wrong.

Thankfully right now, the mission to kill the Chief of Police outweighed all other concerns. The plan was set in blood, Dutch had sent Bill and Hosea to escort Amelia and Jacob to Ivy's estate for their cooperation in their part of this plan, it was a long and maybe even somewhat convoluted plan but it made sense in the end. After Beckett was put in the ground, Dutch planned to lure the Ravens into a trap in a few days, after some reconnaissance it became apparent this gang was greedy and if the take sounded good enough they would come running.

Once everything was said and done, in the chaos of trying to replace the Chief's position, Amelia and Jacob would get Ivy into the bank and their cut would be solidified. It was a lot of faith that they had to put into this woman, but with Trelawny's undying support of her, Dutch didn't see they had a choice and despite the plan being a drawn-out one it would work so long as they stayed on course, the timing was everything.

Currently, Arthur slipped some leather gloves on while he counted his bullets, he hoped not to shoot any but they had to plan for this to go south just in case. In the end, Arthur decided only to take his revolver since there didn't seem to be many guards to begin with, and if they played their cards right, no one would even know they were there. Dutch, himself, John and Javier would take the house on and while he wasn't excited to work closely with John he would do what was needed. Hearing someone brush into the tent behind him, he glanced back and was relieved to see Dutch.

"You almost ready?" he asked.

"Yep, you?" Arthur inquired back.

"I'm always ready." Dutch chuckled and watching Arthur roll his eyes playfully.

After his talk with John he was still disheartened seeing as both him and Arthur were still at odds and he knew it hurt Arthur no matter how good he was at pretending he was alright, but Dutch still had complete confidence in him.

"How you doin'?"

"I'm _fine, _Dutch." Arthur groaned, knowing Dutch was worrying about him, he had made it blatantly obvious over the last few days.

Arthur knew it was far from the truth, if he was being honest with himself he didn't know what to do or what to say, he was lost... If it hadn't been for Dutch he wasn't sure if he would have made it sane. It pained him every time he saw John avoid him or look away from him... He really did fuck up his chance, but shaking his head he stepped up to Dutch and while hidden in the safety of their tent, Arthur leaned in and kissed him.

It wasn't too common for Arthur to seek affection, usually, it was Dutch that initiated their exchanges so the other always relished when Arthur made the first move. Truly, Arthur loved being with Dutch, maybe a little too much... Dutch was just _the man _between them. It used to confuse Arthur about how willing he was to submit, he respected Dutch and he never refused an order but... He had never let anyone dominate him in the bedroom like Dutch did, maybe because Dutch was the only man Arthur trusted to do it?

Pulling back, Arthur's eyes met Dutch's, he could see the familiar swirling of desire in Dutch's eyes and he chuckled before nodding to the exit.

"Let's go before we end up bein' late." He mused, watching Dutch sigh but he nodded in agreement, glancing down just a bit as Arthur fixed his collar.

"You're right, doll." Dutch chortled, watching Arthur's face sour with a grin of his own before turning around to walk out.

"I swear to god, Dutch..." Arthur grumbled at the teasing words.

Despite Dutch knowing exactly what to say and do to press his buttons, Arthur cherished him deeply no matter how much he wanted to ring the other's neck on occasion. Upon walking out of the tent, Arthur's eyes cast down as whatever pleasantness from his previous encounter with Dutch vanished once he saw John waiting with Javier on their horses. Arthur just had to get through tonight and they could go back to avoiding each other.

"A-Arthur!" A sudden call of his name caught his attention and when Arthur turned he was relieved to see Abigail. "A-Are you going with them?" She asked, still seeming as nervous as ever.

"I am... Everything alright?" Arthur asked.

"Oh! Of course... I wanted to talk to you, b-but since ya'll are goin' I'll wait until you get back." She explained, intriguing Arthur.

"You sure? I don't mind." Arthur replied, but Abigail shook her head quickly.

"N-No! No, it's okay... Please, be safe Arthur." Abigail said, reaching forward and taking one of his hands, grasping it gently in hers.

"Of course... I'll come see you as soon as I get back alright?" He asked with a smile, reaching forward and brushing some hair out of her face affectionately, seeing her smile bashfully.

It had felt like eons since he had seen Abigail smile, she had been sick as of late but over the last few days she was finally able to help Miss Grimshaw with some work and she had been holding her food down. Despite her demeanor still seeming a bit off, she looked a whole lot better and Arthur was thankful and while he was definitely curious about what she wanted to talk to him about but with everyone waiting for him he wouldn't press it.

Squeezing Abigail's hand gently one last time when she nodded to him, Arthur let her hand go and walked towards The Admiral. Once he saddled up, Dutch wasted no more time in leading them towards their destination, forcing Abigail to watch as the father of her child rode off into danger... Without knowing what he had to come back to... Abigail sighed and turned back to continue her chores, damning her nerves as once again, Arthur got away... But she wouldn't let it happen again.

* * *

The ride was quiet, everyone knew what they were to do, Javier would guard the secret entrance while John, Arthur and Dutch raided the house. While Dutch and Arthur dispatched the Chief, John's job was to look for valuables. It was supposed to be quick and easy, that's what Arthur kept telling himself, and as they got to the clearing, the four dismounted and approached the property just as Dutch and Arthur had last week.

The place was still standing so it was safe to assume the fire Arthur caused didn't get out of control. Dutch looked to the men following him and nodded, watching as everyone put up their bandanas, to which he did the same before he looked to his enforcer.

"You think you can take care of the one around back?" he whispered, watching as Arthur nodded.

Creeping forward ahead of the small posse, Arthur reached into his bag and pulled out one of his throwing knives, a little gift from Javier. Arthur had to admit that he wasn't convinced about Javier when they met but he proved to be a very useful ally. Slowing to a stop once the man came into his sights, Arthur took the blade between his thumb and index finger. Aiming with a knife was a bit harder than a gun but once Arthur was certain he was ready he clicked his tongue, catching the man's attention.

As the man turned to look at him, Arthur threw the knife without mercy... And it was a bullseye, the man gasped out a gurgled groan as he clutched his throat and without much more of a fight, he fell while blood showered over him. Arthur watched as the three men behind him raced ahead of him, Javier and John dragged the body away from the middle of the gate while Dutch peered around the wall.

Just like before, the place seemed rather empty... Either this man had a death wish or he was an idiot, and Dutch wouldn't be surprised with either result. He looked to the back porch, staring at the windows to make sure no one heard any of the struggle, but they seemed to still be in the clear. Waving his hand for everyone to follow, Dutch made a dash for the storage shed.

Once everyone had piled inside, Arthur and Dutch immediately went to work in moving the bales of hay that had covered their escape route and once the door was visible Dutch looked to Javier expectantly.

"You hear any ruckus, make sure our exit is clear no matter what." He instructed.

"Yes, boss." Javier acknowledged.

"Good... Let's go, gentlemen, time to end this." Dutch stated before Javier held the door open and the three descended down.

Dutch pulled out a lantern while Arthur and John followed behind, awkward couldn't even describe what Arthur felt. He just kept his eyes forward and thankfully their trek wasn't long. As light began to peek through the cracks of the door ahead, Dutch turned out his lantern and ascended up the couple of stairs to the door. Dutch put his ear up to it for a few seconds before carefully and slowly pushing forward.

As the door swung open, from the layout, they seemed to be in the study. Climbing out, Dutch shut the opening behind them and tilted his head as he realized it was behind a family portrait... Smart.

"I'll start here." John murmured to Dutch softly, watching him turn around and nod.

"Good... Arthur and I are gonna search the house," He mentioned quickly pulling out his watch, it was around eight that night. "I suspect our chief is somewhere getting a drink and relaxing if there's any trouble meet back here understood?" Dutch asked, watching both Arthur and John nod. "Alright let's go."

Once the trio became a duo, Arthur felt much more comfortable, the two senior guns walked forward, carefully scouting the seemingly empty house. Peeking into rooms as they went, a laugh caught their attention down one of the halls. Arthur approached the corner and listened before he felt comfortable enough for his head to round it and look, one of the doors was cracked and he could hear mixed conversations. He expected that to be the staff quarters since they were just off the kitchen.

The guards and servants were probably having a drink and talking about their meaningless duties during the day... And while Arthur couldn't hear exactly what was said, it seemed most of the staff were distracted. That would prove useful for them, but especially John.

"See anything?" Dutch asked in a hushed tone.

"Nah... But I think we got a little time assuming no one sees us." Arthur replied just as quietly before they moved on.

After scouting out most of the first floor and nearly running into two guards and a maid, Arthur and Dutch finally made their way to the main hall and foyer, this was probably the most dangerous room in the house given how open it was and the angles of which they could have been seen. Thankfully though, the stairs came easily and the two were in the _safety _of the halls once again, if they could call it that.

However, as Arthur went to round the corner he actually _bumped into _a guard... So much for keeping this quiet.

"Who the hell are-" Without hesitation, Arthur tackled the man to the ground out of panic.

"Dutch go I got this!" Arthur hissed as he began to choke the man to death.

"You sure?" Dutch asked.

"Go! We don't have near as much time now!" Arthur growled as he heard voices behind him.

"What was that?" It asked, Dutch frowned but he did as Arthur asked, having complete trust in him.

Arthur watched as Dutch hurried, originally they thought this was a two-story home but upon closer inspection, there was actually three, and the king of his castle would always be at the top.

"Hey! Stop!" A voice shouted from behind Arthur.

Gasping, Arthur glanced back as he saw a guard run up the stairs. Shit. Diving to the side as the man pointed a rifle at him, the first gunshot rang out through the halls and all bets were off. Pulling out his pistol, Arthur nearly broke down a door to his left to get into cover. Hearing a pause in bullets, Arthur reached around and took aim before shooting back.

It seemed that the two guards on duty downstairs had heard the scuffle and came up to investigate, and now that there were gunshots, _everyone _would be onto them. Despite things not being the best between him and John, Arthur prayed John kept out of sight, maybe he could keep them off both John _and _Dutch? That seemed to be the best plan at the moment...

* * *

Dutch darted up the stairs once he heard the gunfight really begin, he had absolute faith in Arthur and John but it didn't stop him from worrying... But clearing his mind and focusing on his task, he continued forward. Thankfully with Arthur's distraction, it seemed that there were no other guards up here to give him trouble, but where was the chief?

With his revolver raised in his hand, Dutch crept upstairs through the halls, looking around and pausing as he looked down another and seeing... What almost looked like a dining room at the end of the corridor. Tilting his head, Dutch began moving towards it, why would there be a dining area on the third floor? Upon closer inspection, as Dutch neared the doorway, it became apparent it was a parlor of sorts, it had a bar as well as multiple lavish seating arrangements.

However, something caught Dutch's eye at the bar, it seemed there was a plate and a beverage there abandoned... Someone was here. Frowning, Dutch went to walk into the parlor so he could inspect more closely, but without warning and before he could even fathom what had happened to him, there was a steak knife plunged into his chest. Unable to help it, Dutch released a breathy gasp and staggering backward.

Before Dutch could get his footing, whoever had ambushed him tackled him onto his back and when his eyes finally caught his assailant he noted a man with black hair, though his roots were coming in gray, as well as multiple facial lines, he was probably a decade older than Dutch.

"You think I'm stupid?" The man inquired with a wicked grin, and immediately Dutch recognized the voice... It was him. "You think I would let you come into _my _house, kill _my _guards and take _my _money?" He asked, taking ahold of the knife in Dutch's chest.

Quickly, Dutch reached up and took a tight hold of the man's grip with both hands as the other tried to force the knife in deeper, making Dutch cringe beneath his bandana. Reaching down with his other hand, Chief Beckett ripped off Dutch's mask and chuckled.

"I wanted to look at your face when I killed you, you inbred euro-trash... Government wants plenty for your head, and I plan to give it to them on a platter." He snarled.

"I-I... Believe you're mistaken..." Dutch wheezed as he pushed against the man's hand, desperately keeping the knife from sinking deeper.

"Cocky till the end, hm? I'm sure Uncle Sam will love to hear it..." Beckett snickered.

Dutch knew he was on borrowed time, if he couldn't get Beckett off of him, his strength would give out eventually. He could already feel breathless and even catching his breath was beginning to become painful. He was lucky that it was a kitchen knife, had it been something even a few inches longer... Looking around desperately for _anything _he could use as a weapon and his eyes locked on his revolver just feet away, but if he took even one of his hands off the knife he would die, there had to be a way...

It seemed that Beckett had the same idea, his eyes followed Dutch's and seeing his gun, Dutch watched the man's eyes focus on it and for a split second Dutch had the chance and he took it. As Beckett went to reach for the revolver, Dutch took a swing, his fist catching Beckett's windpipe. The man's visage immediately went pale and he fell off of Dutch due to the shock of the trauma, reaching up and holding his throat.

Kicking himself away, Dutch managed to push himself towards his gun, grabbing ahold of it, Dutch took aim and fired with no hesitation... The bullet pierced Beckett's eye, traveling out the back of his skull and without another sound between them, Beckett's corpse fell...

Panting, Dutch grunted and looked down to the knife still embedded in his chest cavity, this wasn't good... Because the knife was a steak knife, it was a serrated blade, pulling it out could surely cause him to bleed to death but the longer it was inside him the harder it was to breathe. Reaching up, Dutch's grip rested on the handle, thankfully the pain associated with the worn off adrenaline kept Dutch from attempting removal.

He had to get downstairs... He had to get up...

Blood was beginning to soak his clothing and as Dutch reached out to rest a bloody hand on the door frame, he tried to push himself into the standing position but his legs gave out... He wasn't going to make it. Dutch focused on taking slow deep breaths as his body collapsed against the doorframe... Every breath began to turn into a wheeze and Dutch suddenly found himself out of energy, he just needed to take a rest... Then he would get back up.

* * *

When the bullets stopped downstairs, Arthur made sure to count the bodies of the guards. There were ten in total counting the two guarding the front gate, before anyone got wise to try and go against them as well, Arthur herded the staff into a broom closet at gunpoint... With an empty gun.

Thankfully, these people weren't trained to take on people like Arthur and weren't getting paid enough to die for it. There was no resistance and when Arthur locked them in by pushing a large wardrobe in front of the door, only then did he feel safe enough to take his mask off. The whole ordeal had only taken about twenty minutes from the first shot fired to the last guard who fell, and the first thing Arthur thought about was John.

Running downstairs, he nearly ran into John who seemed to be in a rush up the stairs and Arthur never felt so glad to see him in safe.

"I was just coming to make sure you were in one piece." Arthur mused.

"Same here." John panted softly before he too reached up and pulled down his mask, giving Arthur pity and breaking the silent treatment once more.

"How does the take look? I reckon we have only about twenty minutes before someone figures out the Chief's house has been shot up." He muttered with some nervousness seeing as he was out of bullets.

"Good, lots of genuine silverware in the kitchen and bonds in the study I'm gonna check the upstairs for jewelry..." John explained, despite still wanting to keep Arthur at arm's length he didn't want to risk messing up a job due to his ego and... Even though he didn't want to admit it he was glad Arthur was okay, but then a thought hit him. "Hey, where's Dutch? Did you guys kill Beckett?"

Arthur raised a brow, where _was _Dutch? Maybe he was still having trouble finding the man because as soon as the shooting had stopped he had expected Dutch to come down, and he hadn't...

"I sent him ahead when I got caught up in that mess... I'm gonna go after him, you keep looking up on the second floor." Arthur advised and was glad when John nodded in compliance.

The two jogged up the stairs together before breaking off, Arthur eyeballed the second floor but upon walking up to the third floor he frowned. Where was Dutch? Stalking the halls and peering around as he went, Arthur froze in his tracks when he saw the scene presented to him down the hall to the parlor... Dutch was there... Leaning against the doorway on the floor...

"No... Oh no, oh shit!" Arthur yelled before racing forward, panic beginning to consume his features as he got to Dutch's side. "Dutch! Dutch open your eyes!" He barked as he reached up and took Dutch's head in his hands and seeing as Dutch's eyes fluttered some before they slowly slid open.

"A-Arthur..?" He asked.

"It's me, partner..." Arthur replied with some relief but hearing the wheezing coming from Dutch's windpipe made his blood pump faster and faster, he was in bad shape.

Needing to know how bad it was, Arthur reached down and began to unbutton Dutch's black vest, he had been impaled on his right side in his pectoral muscle, Arthur was certain his lung was punctured. However as Arthur opened the vest slightly just to see how much blood Dutch was losing, he bit his tongue. The white shirt had been soaked from the original stab all the way down to Dutch's abdomen.

They needed to get Dutch out of here, _now._

"Fuck, John! John get up here now!" He screamed, his hands beginning to shake as he ripped his gloves off, hearing the panic in Arthur's voice Dutch's eyes slowly managed to look over at his face.

"... It was my fault." He muttered, already reading Arthur's mind.

"Shut up." Arthur snapped as he reached into his satchel and pulling out the only bandage he had as John's footfalls could be heard coming up the stairs in quick succession.

"It's true... I-I let him get the jump on me..." Dutch said breathlessly, grunting in pain when Arthur applied some pressure with the bandage around the stab sight, trying to stop the blood.

As John ascended the stairs and closed in on Arthur's location, when he saw Dutch's condition, John literally dropped the bag of valuable he was carrying onto the floor before he too sprinted forward to Dutch's aid.

"Oh shit what happened!?"

"He got stabbed what does it look like?" Arthur growled, but looking up to John he nodded. "Come on, we gotta get him up."

Normally John would have had something smart to say but with Dutch's life hanging in the balance he quickly knelt. Both of them wrapped Dutch's arms around their shoulders before beginning to rise, but Dutch's legs wouldn't even attempt.

"C-Come on Dutch, you gotta get up!" Arthur encouraged, Dutch groaned in pain as he was hauled up but slowly his feet managed to get out from under him and he weakly pushed up his body weight. "There ya go, don't give up yet old-timer," Arthur said despite the fear enveloping his body, but Dutch released a pathetic puff of breath which could have been called a chuckle.

"How'd I get so lucky to have you two as sons?" He joked, but the statement hit Arthur hard anyway, _he _was the one who alerted the guards after all... If he had been more careful...

They hobbled Dutch down the stairs, and no matter how many times he staggered or stumbled, John and Arthur kept going without stopping their stride. Once downstairs, Arthur nodded to the front door and leaving Dutch with John for just a few seconds, Arthur quickly walked up to the door and kicked it open, watching the two doors fly open with the crunch of the wood from breaking the lock. They didn't have time for secret exits anymore.

Whistling for the horses, Arthur and John walked forward as the small herd of steeds trotted inside. Arthur quickly got on top of The Admiral before John got Dutch's foot into the stirrup and guided one of his hands onto the horn. Arthur then reached out and took Dutch's other hand while John boosted him up, it took _everything _Dutch had and once he was on top of the horse he hunched forward a bit, trying to catch his breath but finding it near impossible.

"Go get Javier and sweep the place one last time, I need to get him out of here." Arthur instructed.

"Where are you gonna go?" John asked with concern, certainly, not even Miss Grimshaw could handle this and a cold chill went down Arthur's spine.

They couldn't just take him to a doctor after massacring Chief Beckett and his guards, they would be found out and if they found out who Dutch was it was over... They had nowhere to go... Except...

"... We only got one choice... Hopefully, that woman's riches can afford a doctor." Arthur replied before kicking The Admiral.

The Chief's home was outside of town and to get to Ivy's place they had to weave through city streets and while Arthur wasn't exactly sure if galloping through the city with an impaled bloody man on his horse was a good idea, he knew Dutch was losing blood fast. At least with Dutch's black vest, it hid most of the bloody stains but Dutch was lulling and it was getting harder and harder for him to remain upright... Arthur made sure to keep moving and keep going as fast as was safe so that people didn't notice the knife handle sticking out of Dutch's chest.

"You keep breathin', you hear me?" Arthur muttered to Dutch as they turned into Ivy's neighborhood, it was probably about nine-thirty at this point.

Dutch kept his hands on the saddle horn to keep himself as balanced as possible he was just getting so exhausted. However, hearing Arthur's small little demand, Dutch formed a weak smile before one of his hands reached out and rested on Arthur's thigh for a few moments as they neared Ivy's home.

"I need help!" Arthur yelled as they approached the closed gates of the estate. "Someone! Anyone I need a doctor!"

Arthur quickly slid off the horse and reaching out to help Dutch somewhat slump off the horse and collapsing onto the ground, thankfully by that point a servant who was walking the grounds heard the commotion and ran to get back-up. When the gate swung open Arthur looked over to see a rifle pointed at them by a guard...

"What business do you have here?" He interrogated.

"We don't have time for this can't you see the damn knife in his chest!?" Arthur snarled.

"That isn't any business of ours."

"He got this doin' your queen bee's dirty work! If you don't get up there right now-"

"That' quite enough both of you!" The familiar commanding tone of none other than Ivy Winters yowled as she stormed out the front door towards them. "Get him inside! Now!" She snapped to Arthur's shock, the guard sported an incredulous look for a moment but not a few seconds later multiple butlers swarmed out to help carry Dutch inside. "I don't have a doctor on staff but I do have a nurse who can help him while I send for mine. I'm sorry about that..." She apologized astounding Arthur further.

"Uh... N-No it's alright... I'm sorry for-"

"It's alright..." Ivy quickly waved Arthur off, glancing at the door where Dutch had been taken in before looking back to Arthur with an almost optimistic expression. "... Is it done?" She inquired softly, and finally, Arthur was able to take a breath and nod.

For the first time since doing business for Ivy, she smiled a full genuine smile before suddenly lunging forward and planting a kiss on Arthur's lips, stunning him completely but as soon as it came it went. Arthur stood there in shock for a moment, finally blinking when the woman before him chuckled and winked at him after pulling away.

"If you ever want me to make it up to you_ properly_, let me know dear." She mused before turning to walk back into her house.

"I-I assure you Dutch was the one who did it..." Arthur quickly stated before reluctantly following after her. "Can Dutch stay here?" He quickly inquired, watching Ivy's stride pause momentarily and she looked back over.

"Of course, Mister Morgan... You're welcome to stay with him as well, should we be expecting any others?" She questioned back to Arthur's relief.

"Well, I'm sure John and Javier will come right after their done... Cleaning up." Arthur mentioned. "White fella with long dark hair and a Mexican... An older man will probably come later too, Hosea..." Arthur sighed.

"Take your time, Mister Morgan... Come, while we wait for the doctor." She offered, Arthur took another deep breath and nodded.

"... Thank you for this." He said as they walked inside, despite the surprise kiss.

"Well... I owe you everything, you saved my sister's life..." Ivy said seriously, glancing over and nodding. "That girl Amelia and the little one, Jacob are with Elena in the parlor on the second floor if you want to have a drink while you wait?"

While Arthur wasn't opposed to seeing their allies, the thought of walking into a parlor sent a shiver down Arthur's spine but he simply shook his head.

"Actually... I think I'd like to just wait for my friend, if you don't mind?" He asked politely and Ivy was quick to shake her head while they walked through the main hall, Arthur had no clue where they took Dutch.

"More than likely, my nurse took him to one of my unused bedrooms and are taking care of him there... There's a sitting room through there, you're more than welcome to rest and warm yourself up by the fire." She explained, pointing to the room next to them, Arthur glanced back and nodded.

Saying his final thanks to Ivy, Arthur walked into the sitting room and rested his bones on one of the couches, it was comfortable and Arthur already felt exhaustion tugging at him... But he knew there was no way he could sleep now, if only he had been more fucking careful...

> You hold me down in the best way  
No quarter from these chains that I've  
Slapped on my heart for a feeling  
Why can't I let my demons lie?
> 
> Keep screaming into the pillow  
Cause your touch still gets me stupid high  
Oh, glory, I'm a believer  
Oh, glory, I'mma try, but
> 
> Wild horses, wild horses  
Wild horses run faster, run faster  
Run faster
> 
> Wild horses run faster, run faster  
Run faster
> 
> You call my truth in the worst way  
Through the dirty lens of a broken smile  
And I swear I'm not a pretender  
Sometimes it's love who's the biggest liar
> 
> So, I keep on damning the devil  
And you keep on saying it's alright  
Oh, glory, I'm a believer  
Oh, Lord, I'm holding tight, but
> 
> Wild horses, wild horses  
Wild horses run faster, run faster  
Run faster
> 
> Wild horses run faster, run faster  
Run faster
> 
> So, I keep on damning the devil  
And you keep on saying it's alright  
Oh, glory, I'm a believer  
Oh, Lord, I'm holding tight, but
> 
> Wild horses, wild horses  
Wild horses run faster, run faster  
Run faster
> 
> Wild horses run faster, run faster  
Run faster
> 
> Wild horses run faster, run faster  
Run faster
> 
> source: [Wild Horses by Bishop Briggs](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JDlfXjqoO1k)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I bet you guys weren't expecting that!!! As always I love all the support! Thank you guys so much.  
-Eros


	23. Chapter 23

_Arthur!_

_Arthur!_

_How did I get so lucky to have you two as sons?_

Arthur's ocean eyes opened with a small jolt, he didn't even realize he had fallen asleep but as he looked around he realized he was still in the sitting room and looking to the window it was still dark, he must have just snoozed. Wondering how long he was really out, as he went to reach down to get his watch he was shocked to see Jacob laying there, his head resting on Arthur's thigh as he slept as well. He really must have been tired... It felt like just minutes ago his mind was racing.

Carefully inching his hand down and slipping it into his bag he pulled out the contraption and popped it open. It seemed like he had only been asleep for two hours, but even with that realization came guilt. How the fuck could he fall asleep when it was _his _fault Dutch got stabbed? Arthur rarely fucked up jobs but this one... He didn't even know if Dutch was still alive.

With that thought, Arthur's heart began to speed up, he wanted to desperately to go ask or go check but... He couldn't. Looking down he sighed softly as he saw the boy peacefully asleep.

"Oh, Mister Morgan." Amelia greeted softly from the doorway, getting Arthur's attention. "I-I'm sorry I just came to look for him..." She said motioning to Jacob but Arthur was quick to shake his head.

"It's no problem... He's a good kid, reminds me of-" Arthur's voice cut off.

_... Reminds me of my own._

"You okay, Mister Morgan?" Amelia inquired as she approached and sat in a chair adjacent from Arthur, to which he quickly cleared his throat.

"Y-Yeah, sorry I'm just... Worried about Dutch." He quickly deflected, watching Amelia frown.

"I heard... I'm sorry." She sighed, reaching forward and resting a hand on Arthur's, but she gasped softly. "O-Oh I'm so silly, here let me take him so you can go see him." She said and got up.

"See him? He's alive?" Arthur inquired, trying not to get too excited but carefully picked up Jacob in his arms so that Amelia didn't have to.

"Last I heard, I think the doctor arrived just short of an hour ago." She replied and held out her arms for Arthur to pass her the boy, but he shook his head.

"I got him, lead the way."

Amelia smiled but began leading Arthur out of the sitting room as Jacob quietly slept, his head leaning against Arthur's chest. It seemed that Ivy had been treating Amelia and Jacob extremely well, only now did Arthur notice that the dress Amelia was wearing was far better quality than the ones he had seen her in before and Jacob's face and hair were completely clean of all dirt and debris. He was relieved that Ivy seemed to keep her word and even going above and beyond by providing excellent hospitality for all of them.

As they walked up the stairs, Arthur kept his eyes peeled, there were many rooms and he looked for any sign of where Dutch could be, but as Amelia led them to a room at the end of the hall, she opened it and allowed Arthur inside first.

"Just lay him on the bed." She instructed with a tender smile.

Arthur nodded and walked forward, the bedroom was lavishly decorated and the bed alone was probably big enough for four people. Arthur almost felt like by entering the room he was sullying it with his presence, but his stride continued and as he got to the bed, as he leaned down, one hand came up to gently cradle Jacob's head while the other stabilized his body. Laying Jacob against the pillows, Arthur then gently pulled out the blankets from under him and covered him up, tucking him in and making sure he was safe and sound before exiting the room.

Amelia watched with warmth in her eyes and when Arthur walked out of the room he watched as he silently closed the door. When he finally looked back to her, Arthur blushed when he saw the grin on her face.

"Mister Morgan, do you have kids?" She asked with an almost devious smile, but Arthur tensed and bit his tongue but a weak little smile made its way onto his expression.

"... Is it that obvious?" He sighed, and as Amelia saw Arthur's demeanor change, her expression fell.

"I-I'm so sorry did I say something I shouldn't have?" She inquired anxiously but Arthur shook his head as he leaned against the wall.

"Nah... I just don't talk about him much." Arthur explained.

"... A boy?" Amelia hesitantly asked, she wanted to know more and it was evident when Arthur looked into her eyes, and while he wasn't sure why this girl was able to draw it out of him, he spoke.

"... Yeah. When I was younger and more foolish, we was runnin' around and having a good time, nothing crazy but at the time I met up with a young waitress... She was only nineteen." Arthur chuckled almost fondly.

"How old were you?" Amelia asked.

"Not much older than her... We were both kids, when she found out she was pregnant... She knew what kind of man I was, she cared for me all the same but I knew dragging her into my trouble wouldn't be fair. I did right by them whenever I could..." Arthur trailed off, the pleasant expression slowly disappearing from his visage.

"... But?"

"... They were murdered." Arthur stated simply, watching Amelia recoil in horror.

"Wh-Who would do such a thing?" She asked, watching Arthur shrug.

"Just some common thieves... Over ten bucks." Arthur muttered.

Amelia looked shocked, horrified and even scared, looking to the door where her brother slept she sighed and Arthur could tell something was on her mind.

"... A-Am I doing the right thing, Mister Morgan?" Amelia suddenly asked, watching Arthur tilt his head with confusion. "I-I mean... K-Keeping Jacob with me." She clarified.

"How so?"

"Well... It was only after our ma died when we realized that Jacob wouldn't talk, Pa handled it so well despite everything, my aunts and uncles told him to beat my brother to get it out of him but my father stood his ground... N-Now that he's gone I-..." She explained, tears gathering in her eyes.

Right there Arthur realized that Amelia was just like Eliza... A child forced to have another child before she was even able to get her life started. Arthur knew he had seen something familiar in her.

"We have no one, my father's family hated my mother and shunned us as soon as we were born... I-I thought about leaving him on a doorstep much like this one in the beginning but... I-If I leave him I have no one... Am I selfish?" She whimpered.

"No." Arthur stated simply, picking himself up off the wall before he reached forward and wiped her tears away. "How old are you anyway?" He asked.

"S-Seventeen..." She mumbled.

"A seventeen-year-old girl, you know what I was doing at seventeen?" Arthur asked.

"Um... I-I'm assuming mounting anything that moved?" She asked, earning an actual snort from Arthur but he nodded.

"Exactly... You're a smart, brave beautiful girl and if I was ten years younger you'd be in trouble by my charming wit." He snickered, watching Amelia giggle but blush crimson all the way. "That boy is lucky to have you... You had John and I shaking in our boots last week with that message on the wall in that tunnel." He stated seriously before his hand landed on her shoulder. "You're a good girl, I promise Jacob is better off with you than with anyone else." He informed, Amelia sniffled a little bit she smiled and nodded.

"Thank you, Mister Morgan..." She said softly watching Arthur offered her a lopsided smile in return, however as he looked up, down the hall he could see a door open, as well as a bloodied man walk out wearing spectacles, his heart fell into his stomach.

"I-I'm sorry, excuse me." Arthur quavered before quickly walking down the corridor. "Hey! A-Are you the doctor?" he called as he closed in, the man looked up and nodded.

"I'm assuming you're his partner?" He inquired, watching Arthur nod. "I think he's passed through the worst of it, he lost a lot of blood but with rest he should make a full recovery." The doctor explained, watching Arthur heave out a sigh of relief.

"Any idea when he'll be in shape to get up and walk around?" Arthur asked curiously.

"Well, as long as he rests and allows it to heal, the hole in his lung should, in a sense, scab over after a couple of days, but after that no hard physical activity for at least six weeks."

"What about riding a horse?"

"I'd wait at least a week."

After the final conclusion Arthur nodded, this would mean the plan for the Raven's could possibly be put to the ground... But he would wait for Dutch and Hosea to talk about that with before assuming anything. When the Doctor packed up the rest of his things Arthur was quick to call out as he walked away.

"Thank you, Doctor."

The doctor paused and turned around for a moment, nodding in return before disappearing down the hall. Arthur hoped he would be trustworthy and keep his mouth shut but he doubted that Ivy would go out of her way to screw them over now... Looking to the door Arthur's heart rate skyrocketed. Dutch was in there... Alive but nearly died due to Arthur's foolishness... At first, he wasn't sure he would be able to walk in.

"Arthur!" The familiar voice of John echoed in his head as Arthur looked down the stairs just in time to see both him and Javier jogging up them towards him. "How is Dutch?"

"He'll be okay... Doctor just left him." Arthur replied, watching both John and Javier be consumed with relief just as he was.

"You see him yet?" Javier inquired, Arthur but his tongue but shook his head.

"Not yet, how did you get along?" Arthur deflected, not even wanting to think about going inside yet.

"Good, there's probably at least a thousand worth of crap they had in that house." John replied.

"Make sure we give Elena what she wants." Arthur reminded.

"Right... What's the plan?" John then questioned somewhat nervously, Arthur sighed before looking to the door, he wouldn't know until he saw Dutch, looking back to John he took a breath.

"I think you two should head back to camp, leave the bag for Elena to go through tonight... I'll stay with Dutch and in the morning, John I want you to bring Hosea." He instructed, watching both John and Javier nod expectantly and while John wanted to see Dutch before leaving, he was exhausted and knew Hosea would need to know about what happened.

"Got it... You alright?"

Arthur paused as he looked to John, if Javier hadn't been there Arthur wouldn't have known what to say but he nodded silently. John went outside briefly to grab the bag of valuables that they had raided from the Chief's house, handing it over to a servant before he and Javier mounted up their horses. Arthur watched from the front door as John carefully roped The Count. For a moment Arthur _almost _smiled at the horses' stubbornness to leave his master behind, but ultimately followed after John.

When Arthur finally waved them off, he walked back inside and watching almost uncomfortably as a butler shut the door behind him. He didn't understand why people employed so many _other _people to live in their home, he needed privacy in his life... But shaking the unease Arthur slowly made his way up the stairs and back towards Dutch's room, once more he found himself stuck.

Arthur could see the light on underneath the door and he felt like a coward... He was sure Dutch was dead at the end of the hall when he originally saw him and now... Gulping, Arthur reached forward and reluctantly turned the knob and when he was finally able to see Arthur felt a hammer hit him in the gut. Dutch had never looked so frail, he was laid in bed angled upwards with a few pillows. His clothing had been cut off of him and was in a bloody mess on the side, he was shirtless and Arthur could see the large patch that covered the stab site.

At first, Arthur didn't think he'd be able to walk forward, but he managed to shut the door behind him and put one footstep after another and he slowly got closer and closer. Despite it being a hard sight to see, Dutch looked far more comfortable and his breathing was quiet once again even if a little shallow. Thankfully with the bed being as large as it was, Arthur didn't feel so weird about sitting on the edge of it, staring forward as he kept thinking about what happened in the house... He ran _right _into that fucking guard, like an amateur... Perhaps he was distracted after all...

Suddenly, the fear Arthur was feeling was quickly replaced with guilt... Arthur didn't even _think _to check on Dutch after the fighting was over, his first instinct was John... God, he was such a fucking asshole... Almost as if hearing the voices in Arthur's head himself, Dutch's eyes fluttered momentarily before they opened, seeing Arthur at the side of his bed.

"... Hey there, partner." he said softly, his voice weak from his lung injury, but it still surprised Arthur as his head quickly snapped over.

"Dutch..." Arthur breathed out in reprieve, reaching over and taking one of Dutch's hands. "How you feelin'?"

"Like I got a damn hole in my chest." Dutch groaned softly, making Arthur smile even though he felt hollow inside.

"Doc said no hard physical activity for six weeks... You have to wait to ride The Count for at least one." Arthur broke the new, watching with some amusement as Dutch's expression scrunched up briefly.

"Damn..." he sighed, glancing down to see that the knife was indeed gone. "How'd we make out?"

"Good, we're gonna let Elena looked through the valuables to see if there's anything she wants to keep but I reckon it'll be a pretty penny." Arthur responded though he was quick to look away once more. "... But we almost lost you." He murmured, Dutch angled his head over a little bit to try and get a look at Arthur's expression but he couldn't see it and he was too weak and sore to lean over.

"But we didn't." Dutch reminded firmly, squeezing Arthur's hand but the other could feel the shakiness in his grasp due to the blood loss and once more Arthur was reminded this was _his _fault, removing his hand from Dutch's he shook his head.

"And if we had..? Because of me?" Arthur asked bitterly, his head turning back to Dutch, his expression hard.

"Arthur, it wasn't-"

"How was it not?" Arthur scoffed, standing up from the bed and pacing around for a few moments. "I ran _right _into that man, Dutch... W-When I saw you at the end of that hallway I-... I-I thought..."

Arthur stopped moving and thanking god he was faced away from Dutch as tears made their way to his eyes. Taking a deep breath, Arthur reached up and covered his eyes for a few moments while he gathered his composure.

"... Arthur, come here." Dutch ordered, and even though Arthur wasn't a man to allow others to see him weakened, he did as he was told and turned around, approaching the bed, sitting onto it once more, but he kept his face turned away. "... Closer."

Arthur released a huff of breath, shaking his head but scooted towards Dutch, though he dared not look. However, Arthur flinched and hesitantly looked down when he felt Dutch's palm rest on his chest over his thundering heart.

"... It was my fault, Arthur." Dutch stated seriously. "... I was walkin' into the parlor and I didn't bother to check the doorway... He ambushed me, it was a lesson, Arthur, nothing more." He disclosed.

Arthur still wasn't convinced... But feeling's Dutch's hand positioned so perfectly over his heart, Arthur reached up and gently put his hand over Dutch's and gripping it in his own, holding it against his chest as he silently prayed for a moment, thanking whatever deity it was that managed to keep Dutch alive. Only then did Arthur feel strong enough to look back over to Dutch. Now that Arthur was close enough, Dutch slowly moved his hand from Arthur's chest up to his cheek and caressing it gently.

"... I ain't goin' anywhere." Dutch then promised, making Arthur's heart fluttered momentarily.

For the first time since getting back here, Arthur was able to relax and he took a deep breath. He nodded to Dutch before he found himself leaning in and pressing his forehead against the others. Arthur cherished Dutch almost more than anyone, there were few people that compared to him and almost losing him scared the _shit _out of Arthur... It would have been like losing part of himself, Dutch had basically taught Arthur almost everything he knew with the help of Hosea...

"You better not..." Arthur finally muttered, pulling back a bit and opening his eyes in time to see Dutch puff out a small breath of amusement and grin.

"That an order..?" Dutch asked playfully, watching Arthur's eyes roll in good humor.

"Yeah... It is." Arthur then remarked simply before leaning back in and pressing a kiss against Dutch's lips.

It was short-lived but it was exactly what they both needed, once Arthur pulled back, he tucked some of Dutch's hair behind his ear affectionately. Even though he was still convinced that it was his fault, Arthur felt better seeing that Dutch seemed to be doing well all things considered.

"You should sleep... I'll stay with you." Arthur assured.

"Why don't you lay down too? You look tired." Dutch offered, nodding to the side of the bed that hadn't been taken up but Arthur shook his head quickly.

"It's alright, I'll find a chair-"

"Arthur for god sake just lay down." Dutch snorted. "It's not like we can do any fornicating anyway." He teased, watching Arthur's face ignite with a blush to his satisfaction.

"Yeah well, _six weeks_." Arthur reminded, sending a pointed look over to Dutch as he reluctantly walked around the other side of the bed, listening to Dutch groan a little.

"Surely sex is different right?"

"Maybe, but keep on acting up and I'll make you wait anyway." Arthur mused as he sat down and kicked off his boots.

"You are _so _cruel, Arthur Morgan." Dutch scoffed while Arthur unbuckled his belt to provide some more comfort and taking off his weapon holsters. "Denying a man in need like that."

"The only thing _you _need right now is to sleep, Dutch." Arthur chuckled as he turned over to look at Dutch.

"Alright, alright I surrender." Dutch acquiesced.

"See that you do." Arthur concluded before reaching over and switching the lamp off to cascade them into darkness.

Even though Arthur was indeed tired, he still laid there awake with his hands folded behind his back. The bed was so comfortable but he couldn't afford to go to sleep until he knew Dutch was sleeping comfortably... And only when he heard the soft circadian rhythm of Dutch's sleep did Arthur begin to feel his overstressed mind send sleep to dog him.

* * *

The next time Arthur awoke he was still on his back, he hadn't even moved, the sunlight peeked through the window and Arthur rubbed the sleep out of his eyes. Propping himself up onto one of his elbows, Arthur quickly looked over to examine Dutch and was put at ease when he saw Dutch still sleeping and breathing evenly. Relaxing once more, Arthur turned away so he could sit up and stretch, hearing multiple snaps, crackles, and pops running down the expanse of his spine.

Even though he and Dutch were doing nothing wrong (this time) Arthur figured it would probably best to keep others from seeing him on Dutch's bed, whether he was just sleeping or otherwise. Seeing a clock positioned at the nightstand on his side, Arthur noted it was about eight o'clock, it had been a while since Arthur had gotten a full night of rest and he still felt like he could pass out again.

Yawning softly, Arthur reached down and slipped his boots back on before he stood and began to thread his belt through his pants and put his outfit back together. He needed to smoke and since he knew Dutch would have to take a break from that too he wouldn't subject him to it. When he walked out of the bedroom, he quietly shut the door before beginning his trek downstairs and out the front door.

Once he was outside, Arthur shivered briefly from the chill in the air but reached into his satchel and pulling out the tobacco. Upon inhaling the smoke, it occurred to Arthur that he hadn't written in his journal for a while. Sitting himself down on the steps outside the house, Arthur reached into his bag and pulled out the book, opening to where he left off.

_November 20th, 1894_

_Seems like I'm starting to slack off on this... I gotta be better, it's one of the few things that keeps me sane._

_Things with John have been... Rough... I got to feel him in my arms again, but the cost was far greater than my reward. Then I almost let Dutch die... How can I call myself his right hand if I mess up like that? Am I even worth this responsibility?_

Sighing, Arthur shut the journal and suddenly realized why he hadn't written in it for a while... Thankfully, before he could get sucked into his own head, the clacking of hooves not far off caught Arthur's attention, glancing up he perked up when he saw John, Hosea, and even Trelawny of all people trotting towards the gate.

"Trelawny? The hell you doin' here?" Arthur asked curiously.

"Believe it or not he ran into Javier and I on the way back to camp..." John snorted.

"I told them I'd meet with them on the way here this morning." Trelawny clarified.

"How's Dutch?" Hosea inquired once he hitched Silver Dollar to the post.

"Good... Already makin' wisecracks." Arthur replied, seeing Hosea relax a bit. "But he's still in rough shape... It was bad."

"John told me, can you take us to him?"

Arthur flicked his half-finished cigarette away before he and Trelawny lead the way since they were both the ones given the explicit permission in the house and Arthur walked upstairs. Approaching the room he put his index finger to his lips since Dutch was still asleep when he left the room earlier. Upon opening the door, relieved to see Dutch awake and being treated by a nurse, she must have come in not long after Arthur left. Dutch winced as the nurse replaced the patch on his chest, but as he glanced up and saw all of his closest friends coming in his eyes lit up.

"Hosea?" He inquired.

"Yeah, Arthur told John to bring me this mornin'... The hell happened? John told me the basics but..." Hosea muttered with confusion, Arthur fidgeted in discomfort and Dutch's eyes glanced over momentarily to him before speaking again.

"I was searchin' for the bastard and he got the drop on me... He was hidin' behind the door and as I walked in he swung out." Dutch explained.

"You're lucky it was just a steak knife." John scoffed.

"Yeah, but it hurt like a son-of-a-bitch coming out." Dutch sighed, but before the conversation could keep going, Hosea turned to Arthur.

"Oh, Arthur, Abigail wanted me to remind you she needed to speak with you... Said it was urgent." He relayed.

Shit, he had completely forgotten, ignoring the somewhat pointed look that John gave him from afar Arthur nodded but made no attempt to leave quite yet. However, Dutch arched a brow at him.

"Aren't you gonna get goin'?" He asked.

"Not yet, it's alright Dutch, I wanna stay." Arthur replied, watching Dutch shake his head.

"There ain't anything else you can do... You've seen all this, go ahead back to camp." Dutch encouraged, and despite Arthur not wanting to leave Dutch's side, he promised Abigail he would return to her sooner rather than later.

"... You sure?"

Finally watching Dutch nod, Arthur sighed softly but knowing that Hosea, John and even Trelawny were here to provide support, Arthur managed to turn his back and walk out with Dutch's blessing. Besides, with him, Dutch, _and _Hosea away from camp at the same time, there was no telling what kind of shenanigans could go down. Miss Grimshaw was good at keeping the peace most of the time but there had been more than one occasion that the three of them regretted staying away longer than they should have.

Walking down the stairs, Arthur went straight outside to The Admiral. Reaching up he pat the horse gently, knowing he had been neglecting him as of late. Reaching into the saddlebag, hoping he had something to give the horse for his loyalty since without him there was no way Dutch would have made it. Feeling some relief when he pulled out a couple of sugar cubes, he walked around and offered them, watching the beast gently lip them out of his palm.

"... Thank you." He said sincerely to the animal before he walked back to his side and climbed up.

Arthur would make sure to take off The Admiral's gear when he returned, he deserved some nice grazing time. Leading him out of the city, Arthur began the small journey back towards home. He was glad that the ride wasn't very far, there had been times when they had set up hours away from a settlement or like when they were in the uncivilized land and had no towns at all.

When Arthur pulled up, he didn't suspect it to be much past nine. When he dismounted from his horse, the first thing he did was remove the saddle and then removed the bit from The Admiral's mouth. Watching the stallion turn around and walking towards the smaller herd of horses they had kept around camp, it wasn't long before Arthur trudged into camp looking for Abigail.

"Hey, Pearson you see Abigail?" Arthur inquired the portly man as he approached the caravan where their pelts were drying from being freshly skinned.

"Yeah, her and Grimshaw went to do some laundry at the lake." Pearson replied and nodded in the direction.

"Thanks..." Arthur concluded and began to walk.

He wasn't sure why but as he began walking, a familiar nausea began settling deep within the pits of his stomach... Like something was wrong. Frowning, Arthur wondered what it could be Abigail wanted to speak to him, though he knew it was most likely because she was breaking things off with him to be with John, which didn't bother him, Abigail deserved happiness, he just knew that once things between her and John were locked down...

Sighing, Arthur kept putting one foot in front of the other until he looked up and saw the two women sitting beside the waterside, scrubbing clothes on washboards. Hearing the crunching of his boots against the gravel as he got closer, Susan turned her head and Arthur watched the pleasant expression fall from her face.

"Hello, ladies." He greeted as casually as he could, Susan cleared her throat and began to gather the clothes quickly into the basket next to her in a hurried fashion.

"I-I'll leave you two to talk..." She muttered with a speedy exit, thoroughly confusing Arthur and he watched her basically run away from them.

Susan wasn't a woman to stray from confrontation if she had a problem she came right out and said it which only made Arthur worry about what this really was about. Glancing to Abigail she was still looking at the lake, she hadn't turned to look at him nor acknowledge him and for a moment Arthur wondered if he had done something to hurt her...

"... Abigail." he called gently, walking forward and stopping next to her, looking down to her sullen expression. "... You wanted to talk?" He asked hesitantly, hoping she'd come out and say it.

"Y-Yes..." She mumbled, refusing to look over as Arthur furrowed his brows and knelt next to her.

"A-Abigail, please... What did I do?" he asked, reaching forward to caress her cheek and actually feeling a physical pain hit him when she flinched away from him, quickly standing up and turning away from him, her nerves were getting the better of her.

Slowly standing back up, Arthur looked at her back with a look of sheer desperation. What was happening!? Walking towards her and around to her front, he could already see tears streaking down her face, and the worry in him turned into a protective rage but he was still so baffled about what was going on he wasn't really sure what to feel.

"Abigail-"

"I'm pregnant."

> How long have I known you, brother?  
Hundreds of lives, thousands of years  
How many miles have we wandered  
Under the sky, chasing our fear?
> 
> Some kind of trouble is coming  
Don't know when, don't know what  
I will stand by you, brother  
'Til the daylight comes or I'm dead and gone
> 
> I've shared my life with you, brother  
Since I recall, you've been my friend  
You say we're not like the others  
Still we must die, all things must end
> 
> I know we can't stop what's coming  
But I will try, oh how I'll try  
Will you fight with me, brother  
One last time, one last fight
> 
> Don't turn away, don't tell me that we're not the same  
We face the fire together, brothers 'til the end  
Don't run away, our time will come but not today  
I stand beside you, brother, with you 'til the end
> 
> Don't turn away, don't tell me that we're not the same  
We face the fire together, brothers 'til the end  
Don't run away, our time will come but not today  
I stand beside you, brother, with you 'til the end
> 
> Don't turn away, don't tell me that we're not the same  
We face the fire together, brothers 'til the end  
Don't run away, our time will come but not today  
I stand beside you, brother, with you 'til the end
> 
> Don't turn away, don't tell me that we're not the same  
We face the fire together, brothers 'til the end  
Don't run away, our time will come but not today  
I stand beside you, brother, with you 'til the end
> 
> source: [Brother (Last Ride) by Lord Huron](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yeoNBJd7BBo)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I'm an asshole lmaooooooooooo.  
-Eros


	24. Chapter 24

_I'm pregnant..._

Arthur's facial expression must have spoken for him, because Abigail was quick to cup a hand over her mouth and turn away from him again, stifling a sob... He felt a mixture of stupidity, horror, and terror. How had he not noticed it? It all made sense now... She was nervous, she didn't want to be touched and she was sick when she woke up, of course she was pregnant!

Swallowing harshly, Arthur's hands subtly shook in his pockets... He _couldn't _do it again... Not again... He already proved not capable of protecting the _one _person who needed him more than anything, his son, he failed Annabelle, John, and now Dutch, how in the hell was he supposed to take on _another_ child?

Reaching up, he ran a hand through his hair.

"... Are you sure it's mine?" He had to ask, though he regretted immediately when he saw Abigail's head whip back toward him, though her eyes seemed enraged for a moment, they softened knowing Arthur had a right to ask.

"... I'm pretty sure."

"Pretty sure..?"

"W-Well... I counted how long I've been without my bleed and... Y-You are the closest to that time." She explained.

"Who else?" Arthur questioned even though he knew the answer already.

"... John."

_Fuck._

This was a double-edged sword, deep in his heart Arthur knew he couldn't handle being a father again, but was it right to stick John with _his _responsibility? There was still a chance the child was John's after all...

"A-Abigail I-..." Arthur mumbled, turning towards the lake, unable to look at her.

However, it seemed Abigail already understood what he was trying to say. She stared at him and finally turned away from him once more, and Arthur knew their relationship would never be the same.

"Abigail, you need to know-"

"Know what!?" Abigail shrieked as Arthur went to grab her arm gently, but she was quick to rip it away, looking at him in such a betrayed fashion he had seen it in John's eyes, she felt like an idiot like she should have known better... He was an outlaw after all. "The only thing I know is you're just like the rest of them as soon as responsibility comes knocking!" She sneered, making Arthur winced with its harshness.

"Please, Abigail let me explain!" Arthur begged as she went to walk away from him.

He couldn't let her get away without knowing the full story, Arthur quickly lunged toward her and wrapped his arms around her waist to keep her from walking away. However, Abigail was quick to fight and try to shove his hands away.

"Get your hands off me!" She yelled but Arthur just held her close to him until she got too tired to fight.

Feeling his arms so securely around her, it shattered her heart. He wasn't hurting her by any means and she knew if she _really _wanted to get away from him she could... But she had been so sick lately it made her weak... And she was so hurt, deceived into thinking these men were different because they stood for something bigger than themselves, but like every damsel, she got caught up in the fairytale...

Abigail panted and huffed softly, but as she came down from her anger induced adrenaline... She was overcome by grief, damn her hormones already! Biting her lip as tears gathered in her eyes, she wasn't prepared for when Arthur slowly, carefully spun her around and embraced her once more, her head resting against his shoulder. It wasn't long before she was sobbing into his chest.

"I didn't want this..." She cried, only breaking Arthur further.

He would do right by her, no matter what... Even if he couldn't be fully involved for his own selfish sake, he would make sure that they were taken care of.

"... I was a father once." He whispered, catching Abigail slightly off guard, interrupting her tears only briefly as she pulled back to meet Arthur's somber and defeated gaze as they looked into hers, the mournful sheen almost making Abigail cry by itself.

"... What?" She asked just as softly, Arthur took a breath and hung his head for a moment.

It took a lot out of him to retell this story... He had told Amelia out of his own free will, although right now he wanted to curl up in a ball and die rather than talk about this, but Abigail _deserved _and _needed _to know this story. Upon opening his eyes and meeting hers once more he took a breath before nodding towards the lake, trusting her enough to let her go.

They walked to the shore, hand in hand despite the nasty words transpired just minutes ago. Arthur sat cross-legged on the sandy gravel and guided Abigail to take a seat atop his lap. She was reluctant but when Arthur offered the hand, she took it and carefully made herself comfortable, leaning her back against Arthur's broad chest. Even now he made her feel so safe.

It was then Arthur told Abigail everything, every detail about Eliza and Isaac... He even told her things that even Dutch didn't know, like how he walked into the cottage they lived in to find skull fragments and brain matter _still _all over the walls and a blood-soaked rug. It seemed as if they had shot Eliza in the mid-region and blew the kid's brains out when she couldn't provide what they wanted, given where everything had landed. They _did not _die with dignity and it killed Arthur every time he thought about it.

He recounted how he screamed louder than he ever had and collapsed to his knees in that house... Sobbing and begging God to take him instead. Abigail listened silently but cried with Arthur as he spoke, even though he managed to remain stoic, he was numb. He cared about her _so _much... Maybe even loved her in some ways but...

"I had no idea..." She mumbled once Arthur stopped talking.

"I know..." He replied softly.

Then they both sat there... Neither knowing what to say but not wanting to get up yet. It was cloudy and it gave Arthur something to focus on while Abigail thought. Reaching down she rested her palms on the back of his that rested so perfectly against her stomach. This was so painful... Finally having calmed down from her hysteria, Abigail reached up and wiped her eyes free of the tears that had stopped for a moment before she crawled out of Arthur's arms and stood back up, pausing and turning to Arthur, holding out a hand for him.

This woman always managed to astonish Arthur, reaching up and taking it, Arthur made sure to carry most of his weight on his haunches knowing he'd probably pull her back down if he treated her like Dutch or John. She was still unable to look up at Arthur as so many thoughts rushed through her head, what was she supposed to do now? Arthur was thinking of the same thing and only one option stuck out in his mind... It was selfish, and Arthur knew it would hurt them in ways they probably wouldn't recover from, but it was the only way to be fair to Abigail, she deserved so much better than him.

"... John's a good man." He finally stated, watching Abigail look up to him with some confusion at first. "... I-I... I know I have _no _right to ask you this... But please, a-anyone would be better than me..." He pleaded, seeing Abigail scoff and look away from him once more, Arthur quickly took her by her shoulders, his grasp gentle. "No matter _what_ you will be taken care of." he promised firmly, somewhat startling Abigail at first. "... E-Even if John doesn't want this... Even if he backs away from you I will make sure you are taken care of." He stated seriously.

Abigail kept her eyes off of Arthur... John was her second choice but there was no doubt in her mind that he was a good man, maybe even better than Arthur. Gaining the courage to look up at him, Abigail could see the sheer anguish and remorse written in Arthur's cobalt hues and her heart broke for him once again. She fought so hard with herself, for so long she let men walk all over her and dictate her life and now the man that impregnated her wanted to back out... But when Arthur reached out to caress her cheek again, this time she didn't flinch away... Life was much more complicated than that.

_No matter what you will be taken care of_.

Abigail took a breath, taking at least _some _solace knowing that Arthur still had every intention of supporting her even if he couldn't be involved with the child. In all aspects, this could have gone a lot worse, she knew that if this had been a conversation with any of her other previous clients there would be no sympathy, support or even comfort. She knew Arthur was a good man underneath all of his fear, and maybe this was her only way to test it.

Finally meeting Arthur's eyes, she was still disappointed and scared knowing she would have to have this conversation _yet again..._ But she nodded to him, seeing Arthur literally breathe a sigh of relief before he nodded back.

"... I'm so sorry." He finally said, seeing Abigail back away from him she bit her lip and looked down, knowing it took two to tango in the end.

"... Me too."

Without another word, Abigail turned and began walking back toward camp. Arthur felt he didn't need to ask her not to spread his story around, he trusted her even though he had just betrayed her so gravely. He was _so _fucking ashamed... He had just sealed both his _and _John's fate and with that knowledge Arthur doubled over, emptying what little there was in his stomach. He felt disgusting...

He felt like his** father**...

Wretching again, Arthur reached up and managed to stabilize himself on a nearby tree as he heaved. When he finally felt his stomach settle, Arthur panted and stood there for a few moments. He _never _wanted children again... Fuck! Turning around, Arthur trudged back to the waterside and washed his mouth out for a few moments as he processed what had just happened.

Feeling so emotionally drained, Arthur wanted to hide and all he could think about was his journal which shocked him. Collapsing onto his rear, Arthur sluggishly pulled out the book from his bag to begin his therapy and draw, looking out to the lake and just sketching whatever he saw.

* * *

_Oh, Arthur, Abigail wanted me to remind you she needed to speak with you... Said it was urgent._

John tried to pretend he didn't hear that, but his eyebrow twitched and he glared at Arthur on his way out. Abigail's behavior had been so erratic over the last week or two, she didn't even want to practice reading, he wondered if he could have done something to push her into Arthur's arms but right now he focused on Dutch.

"I still think this was better than the bank." Dutch mused, watching as Hosea shook his head.

"You're missing the bigger picture, you promised that Amelia girl to take care of that gang for the bank's profits, without it this was for nothing." Hosea explained, not trying to appear ungrateful that Dutch was alright because truly he was.

"You're saying you'd rather have us assault the bank?"

"No... Just that this was more complicated than everyone was trying to believe." Hosea replied, Dutch sighed but eventually shrugged and nodded. "I'm glad you're alright, you gave us a scare when John us what happened."

"Speaking of John..." Dutch mused, pulling John out of his head and catching his attention. "Good job with all that loot, Arthur said you got a good take." Dutch praised, almost making John feel bashful.

"N-No problem, Dutch."

"I know we're hard on you and don't give you nearly enough praise... You did well last night." Dutch stated, making John's heart warm with pride.

It never really bothered John that he didn't get a lot of commendation, he knew that he was appreciated but it felt really nice to hear it, especially from Dutch. He even got a subtle wink and a nod from Hosea. The conversation from there steered to how they were supposed to take care of The Ravens with Dutch out of commission, Trelawny offered to keep tabs on the bank and police force, things would be in chaos for a while, they needed to choose a successor and he assumed everyone would be doing whatever they could to try and latch onto the title. It gave them some time to figure things out, but they didn't have forever.

In a few days, Hosea would bring a wagon to pick up Dutch assuming he felt well enough to walk. John tried to follow but got lost as he began to think about Arthur once more, he couldn't stop thinking about what happened in that cave. It hounded his sleep, and even now all he could feel was the tingling sensation on his neck. He hated how much influence Arthur had over him.

He was so confused...

"John." Dutch called, making the long-haired man jump slightly. "You alright?"

"Oh, yeah I'm just tired I think." John assured.

"Why don't you head out? Dutch and I got a lot of plannin' to do there's really nothing we need from ya son." Hosea suggested.

"You sure?" John asked with a frown, still feeling like Dutch was unprotected despite the house of armed guards.

"I'm sure, you had a long night. Go relax." Hosea confirmed.

John thought for a moment, but he _was _tired and he knew he'd fall asleep listening to them drone on and on about the extensive outcomes of the future. There was nothing wrong with being thorough and careful but John was a _wing-it_ type of man... Which was exactly why Dutch was their leader. Finally nodding, John stood and stretched briefly before he walked out of the began his descent downstairs just as he saw Amelia and Jacob coming up.

"Oh! You're John right?" Amelia inquired, stopping the other in his tracks.

"Yeah, it's nice to see you again Amelia." John greeted politely.

"Likewise, i-is Arthur still here?" She then inquired, reaching up and twirling her hair between her fingers, nearly blushing, of course she was fawning over him...

"No I'm sorry, he uh... Had some business to attend to." John replied somewhat stiffly.

"Oh, it's alright, I just wanted to tell him thank you." Amelia replied with a sweet smile.

"Thank you?" John asked curiously.

"Well... Last night I was just feeling really down about myself and he picked me back up... He's a good man, would you mind telling him for me?"

John paused but eventually sighed and shook his head, he knew Arthur was a good man after all... No matter how many times he tried to convince himself otherwise.

"Thank you, John." Amelia then beamed before she and Jacob continued up.

John's eyes followed her form for a few moments and eventually, he too continued downward. In his head, when he thought of Arthur everything made sense, it was so easy to hate him and push him away... But when he looked up into Arthur's eyes he could feel his soul breaking and needing so much to give in and love him. There was one thing he still needed to know...

Gulping harshly, John walked outside and mounted Gypsy without a second thought and began the ride back to camp. He had been putting this off for so long but... He couldn't go on not knowing anymore. Even though John knew not to ask questions he didn't want the answer to, the closer and closer he got to camp, his resolve hardened.

Seeing The Admiral grazing without his gear when he arrived, John felt it was safe to assume Arthur was around. His heart was already pounding and he could already feel a familiar churning in his stomach but he continued forward. He hadn't even realized Abigail was advancing from his right until she grasped his wrist and he jumped, pulling it away out of surprise.

"Oh, Abigail I'm sorry you startled me." He apologized, but his eyes soon went back to darting around. "Have you see Arthur?" He inquired but as he looked back down to focus on her facial features she looked pale and drained, her eyes were locked on the floor, and all of a sudden his desire to see Arthur dissolved. "Hey, are you alright?"

"Um... John, we need to talk." She then muttered, and then retook his hand in hers.

As John looked at Abigail's almost desolate expression, he suddenly began to wonder what she had talked to Arthur about again... What could she have already spoken to him about if she was so depressed? Feeling her hand shake a little in his own, John nodded slowly as he watched her lead him towards her tent without another word.

To say John wasn't expecting the news she had for him was an understatement, though thanks to Arthur's previous reaction she wasn't as surprised when John seemed to stare through her for a good few seconds. Finally blinking, he reached up and ran a hand through his hair as he realized all of his plans for the future were destroyed... He never wanted kids, he had decided that from an early age and now...

"Fuck." He sighed, watching Abigail scoff and roll her eyes. "I-I'm sorry I didn't mean it like that."

"Then how did you mean it?" She questioned, her eyes critical as she glared up at him.

"I-I just mean... I wasn't expecting it, I-I never really wanted to..." John trailed off, trying to pick his words carefully as he felt panic beginning to swell, he was going to lose it but he kept it together for Abigail's sake.

"You think I did?" Abigail asked, but took a breath and looked away as she swallowed the lump in her throat while her hormones threatened to push her over the edge again.

"Well... What are you gonna do with it?" John then asked.

"I'm gonna keep it... E-Even if I didn't want a child... It might be my only chance." She explained, watching John deflate some.

"... It's mine?" He then asked.

Abigail tensed as she thought about her answer, thinking about her conversation with Arthur... No matter what he would take care of her, but she knew this secret was to be never spoken of again... And with that thought, she nodded before looking up to meet John's eyes. As she saw them soften, her heart fluttered momentarily as he processed what was happening.

Even though on the outside John seemed to be taking this well, he was screaming on the inside. How could he have been so stupid to knock someone up? He couldn't do this, he couldn't be a father... But what was he supposed to say? No? Take it back?

"Okay..." John finally said, watching Abigail arch a brow some out of confusion.

"... Okay, what?" She inquired almost suspiciously.

"I mean... I-I can't promise I'll be good... I-I don't even know if I can..." John mumbled, but what he did know... Is he needed to get out of here, now. "... Can we talk later?" He asked, watching Abigail's visage contort a little with annoyance. "I-I know I shouldn't ask that but... I need to think I-..."

As Abigail looked up at John, she could see the inner struggle and if she was being honest she was expecting worse than Arthur just due to the age difference, but finally breaking her iron glare she had to remind herself that she had _weeks_ to get used to this idea... John had two minutes. Finally nodding, Abigail turned away as she gave John the chance to escape to which he took without a second thought.

When John walked out, he felt like someone had punched him in the stomach and he had to take a breath as he processed what had just happened. He walked into camp with a goal and now... His eyes slowly panned around and John was suddenly glad Arthur wasn't around. The desire to have that conversation with the other had simply vanished and John planned to as well.

He needed to get the fuck out of here, John could already feel himself beginning to hyperventilate as he trudged towards Gypsy. He needed to think... He needed to leave. When he was atop his horse, John kicked and didn't look back.

* * *

It wasn't until four when Arthur felt comfortable slinking back into camp and keeping his head down. He had planned on going straight to his tent but he should have known better after being gone for so long that it would be so simple. He wished he had Dutch in times like these to tell him things would be alright, despite that being a childish thing to want, Dutch did really well at reassurance, but the next best thing came strolling up.

"Arthur." Hosea greeted.

"Hosea, how's Dutch?" Arthur inquired casually, feigning his contentment.

"Good, he seemed to be doing much better when I left. I should be able to pick him up in the next couple of days." He explained, giving Arthur at least _some _relief.

"I'm glad... I really thought we were gonna lose him." He sighed, Hosea reached forward and pat Arthur's shoulder.

"... Dutch told me what happened and told me you feel at fault." Hosea mused almost with amusement.

"Not now, Hosea." Arthur groaned softly. "I really don't want a pep talk."

"How do you know I wasn't about to tell you to get your head out of your ass and aim right?" Hosea inquired, sufficiently shutting Arthur up for the moment but he snorted soon after and shook his head. "You and John are always so hard on yourselves." He chuckled before looking around. "Speaking of which, where is John? He came back hours ago."

** _BA-BUMP._ **

Arthur gulped, John had been here for hours? Did Abigail already talk to him? His eyes did a quick once over of camp but coming up short he shrugged.

"Probably around here somewhere." Arthur said with disinterest despite panicking inside.

"Hey, Pearson!" Hosea called. "You see John?"

"John? Not for a couple hours at least, last time I saw him he was with Abigail." The other replied, making Arthur regret he came back at all.

"I-I can go look for him." Arthur offered, clearing his throat of any anxiety as he broke away from Hosea to make this process easier on himself.

In all honesty, Arthur had _no _interest in finding John, not after what he had done. He wanted to stay as far away from the other man as he possibly could, but keeping his word he walked forward towards John's tent to start. Arthur's palms were covered in sweat as he paused outside the flap before he took a breath.

"John?" He asked before ducking inside, almost relieved when the other wasn't around, but now he only had one other person to ask and he really didn't want to face her again yet.

Upon walking out, Arthur glanced over to the horses and frowned when he noted Gypsy was gone... And Uncle asleep against the hay bales. Frowning, Arthur bit his tongue and locked on target. Upon closing in, he planted a firm kick to the other's leg, effectively waking him up.

"C-Come on Arthur! Why you gotta bully an old man?" He lamented.

"You wanna see a bully, I can be a bully." Arthur threatened before he remembered why he actually came over. "Did you see John leave?"

"As a matter of fact, I did... It seemed like he was in a real hurry." He replied.

_Shit._

Even though it wasn't confirmed that he and Abigail had the talk, Arthur knew deep down already. John didn't just disappear for no reason, and after Arthur had basically sealed John to his future, he felt an obligation to go after him. Uncle would live to see another day... For now. Turning away from him, he whistled for his horse to come and wasted no time in gearing him up.

Arthur hesitated only slightly when he went to climb up on the horse, he knew he needed to notify someone where he was going... But all he could think of was what was going through John's head. He was worried and all that mattered right now was making sure he was okay first.

"Let's go." Arthur said to get the horse going and kicked his sides quickly.

This was stupid, the likelihood of finding where John was hiding would be relatively impossible. While he expected John to go to a bar in the beginning, as he rode towards town, he almost felt like something was pulling him in the opposite direction, almost as if he _knew_ he was going the wrong way. Pulling back on The Admiral, Arthur frowned and began looking around, it was getting dark and Arthur was afraid the fading light would render his search useless.

However, for once, it seemed like God was on Arthur's side, he just so happened to look to his left and saw something with bright colors in contrast with the dark floor. Slipping off of his horse, Arthur sauntered forward until he bent down to snatch up whatever had caught his eye. Arching a brow realizing it was paper, he carefully unfolding the creased parchment, Arthur found some hope realizing it was John's map, with the Brimstone Mine still marked upon it.

It seemed John had gone off the path, Arthur jogged back to The Admiral and lead him off into the woods. Arthur kept his eyes peeled for anything else that could have led him to John, trying his damndest to find his horse's tracks in the foliage but he came up short. A few minutes turned into thirty, and thirty minutes turned into an hour and with the early sunset condemning Arthur in the darkness, he sighed watching steam billow from his lips as he stopped his beast once more.

Arthur was getting ready to give up, the temperature was dropping every day and he wasn't interested in a hungry wolf pack sneaking upon him and his horse in the dark. Frowning Arthur continued surveying the land, deciding to push on a bit further after putting on his heavy coat. Breaking the treeline a few minutes later, Arthur found himself in the expanse of plains just as the moon overtook the sun. Arthur gave one last look, desperately looking for any kind of clue when a light caught his eye in the distance, it was a spec but Arthur kicked the steed towards it.

As Arthur got closer, he could see that whoever it was had taken upon what seemed to be abandoned property. The farmhouse was dilapidated and the barn was a shell of its former self, whoever had owned this land had been gone a long time. However as Arthur approached what seemed to be a storage shed connected to the corral, he felt relief overcome his body as he saw Gypsy standing with a blanket over her underneath the cover of the awning by the door.

Now that Arthur found John... He had to confront him, Arthur just focused on tying The Admiral down and gathering his overnight bag before walking up to the door. There was a light of some kind on inside that had shone out of the _one _window on the side of the building, Arthur really was lucky he saw it when he did. Finally gaining the courage, Arthur swung open the door and walked inside in time to see John standing quickly to point a rifle at him, but calming as he realized it was Arthur.

"Arthur?" he asked with confusion.

"Yep." Arthur replied simply as he shut the door behind him, once he got a look of the inside, it seemed there was a stove here that John had loaded some leftover wood and had his lantern propped near it where he had been originally sitting on his pelts.

Arthur didn't waste time in walking to the stove and putting his hands out to warm up and dropping his bag next to it, despite John's rather dumbfounded expression. In all honesty, Arthur was pretty surprised he found John too. For a moment they stood there in silence while Arthur had warmed his body until John released a breath and looked away.

"... You come here to reprimand me?" John then asked softly with a hint of shame.

"Nope." Arthur stated simply once more before he straightened himself back up and turned to John's bewildered expression. "... I came to make sure you were alright." He added.

John relaxed for a moment but frowned soon after, had Abigail already spread around that she was pregnant with his child? The thought already had him spinning and he took a breath before he looked back to Arthur.

"... You know?" He questioned, Arthur bit his tongue as he thought of an efficient lie.

"Know what? Hosea said you hadn't been seen in hours so I came lookin'... Worried about Dutch?" He asked, hating himself for every word.

John got quiet and he looked away before he took his place back down on the pelts near Arthur who watched until he reluctantly followed John's movements and planted himself next to him as he waited patiently. John wondered if he could trust Arthur enough to tell him... But, suddenly a thought came to him... What was so important for Abigail to want to talk to Arthur _before _him if she was pregnant?

"... What did Abigail want to talk to you about?" John asked bluntly, ignoring Arthur's previous question as he stared into the fire that crackled in the stove.

Arthur hoped that the sweat wasn't noticeable on his brow, but just in case, he slipped off his coat and put it aside as he tried to think of an answer. For a moment, Arthur _almost _came clean when he looked over and saw how tortured John was... But he didn't.

"... Why?"

"Please Arthur... Just tell me." John pleaded, breaking Arthur further who just began speaking.

"Not that it's any of your business... But you won, she told me how things between her and me, while _fun, _needed to end. You gonna make me embarrass myself further?" He asked, his tone hinting at offense to convince John and as the other looked over Arthur almost thought he was caught but John looked away again as he seemed sated with that answer.

"N-No... Sorry." John mumbled before he felt bile rising in his throat once more. "... She's pregnant." He finally confessed, acknowledging the elephant in the room.

"Ah..." Arthur muttered just as quietly, trying to look surprised.

"... What do I do Arthur?" John suddenly asked.

"What do you mean?"

"I-I mean I don't want kids!" John barked, his tone panicked before he reeled himself in. "... I-I don't even know how to do anything like a father! I was on my own by eight and... H-How the hell am I even supposed to know it's mine? Do you ever wonder if it's your-"

"John if she tells you the child is yours, you gotta believe her... Trust me." Arthur warned gently, albeit selfishly to keep the conversation off himself.

"Why!? Because she says? Hell maybe she's been pregnant this whole time..." John scoffed.

"John..." Arthur scolded slightly, arching a brow over at him. "You really think that?"

"... No." John sighed as he slowly calmed down in Arthur's presence to his shock. "... I-I just... I'm not ready."

Arthur's heart shattered hearing John sound so desperate and scared... Because of _him_, and Arthur had the gall to sit there and lie right to his face. Arthur knew he would never be forgiven for this if John ever found out. Taking a breath, Arthur scooted over and wrapped an arm around John without hesitation, feeling himself die inside when he felt John lean into it, actually looking for comfort.

"Hey... I got you." Arthur promised, watching the other look over to him incredulously. "... I got you, John... You won't be alone in this." He stated meeting John's eyes confidently since the first time he had arrived because for once these words were true, he would support both him _and _Abigail no matter what.

John sat there, staring into Arthur's eyes almost looking childlike at the moment with how stunned his expression was... But the tenderness in Arthur's eyes was so moving, once John's mouth had shut after hanging open he looked away... He had treated Arthur like shit for _years_... And now the other was promising to stay by his side. How? How could Arthur even look at him the same?

"A-Arthur..." John mumbled, seeing the other in his peripheral tilted his head in acknowledgment, but before he could stop himself he spoke. "... Why did you leave me?"

Blinking, Arthur looked away... He expected this question at some point not long after he had broken things off with John, but when it never came he thought he had dodged a bullet, he should have known better. Inhaling slowly, Arthur carefully took his arm from around John as he reached up to scrub his face with his hands uncomfortably while he thought of his answer. If he couldn't tell John the truth about Abigail, he deserved the truth here.

"... Because I was a coward." He finally answered as he stared ahead into the swirling fire as he thought of that night all over again. "... When I... I watched Annabelle die," He muttered, a lump forming in his throat."... I-I realized that I couldn't protect the people I cared about most... I let Colm get away, I watched Annabelle take her last breath and... The next time I looked at you... All I could think of was your body in that fucking river." He scoffed, shaking his head as his hands began to shake, John looking over at him with tears building in his eyes as he listened. "... I knew that if I lost you..." He trailed off in a whisper before gaining enough strength to meet John's teary eyes with his own before shaking his head. "... I loved you too much to lose you... So I chose the cowards way out." He concluded before reaching up and wiping his eyes to try and gather his composer.

_I loved you too much..._

John stared at Arthur in disbelief as his breathing began to speed up. This was too much... If anything, John expected to be sick hearing Arthur's answer to the question that had been on his mind for almost five years... But he wasn't expecting to feel himself shattering.

"... I-If I could go back-" Arthur said but he quickly stopped, John was having a baby after all.

"... If you could go back?" John asked, it was the first thing he said since the confession, and Arthur could only answer with his heart.

"... I never would have given you up." Arthur vowed, never breaking eye contact with John.

John's heart felt like it stopped, the intensity and emotion in Arthur's eyes were undeniable and while John needed to hear the answer to his question, he wasn't expecting this. For so long he thought Arthur had used him... When really Arthur was just terrified in losing him?

At that moment... John let go.

Swallowing harshly, John glanced down briefly as his hand reached out and rested upon Arthur's... Slowly snaking around to intertwine his fingers with Arthur's in the silence. Arthur's heart pounded in his ears as he wondered what was happening, but seeing his and John's hand looking so perfect in his own he ran his thumb over the back of it and relished the feeling before squeezing it.

"Arthur..." John addressed, catching his attention, and when Arthur's eyes met John's again, he spoke just barely above a whisper. "... Kiss me."

_ **BA-BUMP.** _

_Kiss me._

** _BA-BUMP._ **

Arthur blinked as he stared ahead at John in disbelief... John had just told Arthur... To kiss him... And for a moment Arthur thought he misheard, but his body moved naturally. Slowly beginning his descent, John couldn't help himself... He met Arthur halfway as his eyes fluttered shut and before long he was kissing Arthur again. Arthur thought he was dreaming for a moment and prayed he wouldn't wake up, but as John calmed, Arthur knew that this was real...

The kiss was short-lived, but as John pulled back and opened his eyes, Arthur did the same. They were only inches apart, John's face was ablaze with a blush and Arthur truly wished he could have snapshotted a picture of how fucking cute he was.

"... Whoa." John whispered in astonishment.

"Yeah..." Arthur replied just as softly.

It felt so right... And right then John was ready to damn everything. Reaching up, he rested a hand upon Arthur's shoulder inhaling slowly as he moved slowly up towards Arthur's neck, but the other soon caught his hand with his free one before slowly moving it over to hover over his heart. John's eyes widened slightly at the surprisingly intimate gesture, he could feel how fast and hard Arthur's heart was beating and he suddenly realized that Arthur felt just as scared as he did...

Freeing his hands from Arthur's grasp he reached up to stabilize himself on Arthur's shoulders before maneuvering his body to swing his leg over Arthur's, sufficiently shocking the other when he was straddled. Despite that John had done this willingly, he remembered the last time John was on his lap and he hesitated, but feeling John prod his chin up, Arthur glanced up to meet his gaze.

"... D-Do you still... Want this?" John asked, the familiar lack of confidence already charming Arthur to his core.

Finally allowing himself to relax, Arthur smiled a true, unguarded smile up at John before he nodded silently... And seeing the genuine desire and joy in Arthur's eyes at the prospect of having him again, the last of John's worries slipped away... And he smiled back.

> Crying eyes, broken bells  
Back in course, no one tells  
Down we go, wish me well  
I don't know where we fell
> 
> Oh, I had a dream that you couldn't hear me screaming  
Trying to tell you everything but it wouldn't stop you leaving
> 
> I wanna wake up where your love is  
'Cause your love is always waking mine  
I wanna break down where your heart gets  
So torn it's almost breaking mine  
I wanna lay here, lost and bitter  
So long, I feel like I could die  
I wanna tell you what my truth is  
But it's buried down inside
> 
> Shining light, show and tell  
Don't be scared, truth is hell  
Down we go, wish me well  
No one knows where we fell
> 
> Oh, I had a dream that you couldn't hear me screaming  
Trying to tell you everything but it wouldn't stop you leaving
> 
> I wanna wake up where your love is  
'Cause your love is always waking mine  
I wanna break down where your heart gets  
So torn it's almost breaking mine  
I wanna lay here, lost and bitter  
So long, I feel like I could die  
I wanna tell you what my truth is  
But it's buried down inside
> 
> They say that secrets make you sick and I should know  
Just promise me that if I tell you you won't go  
Oh, oh, oh
> 
> I wanna wake up where your love is  
'Cause your love is always waking mine  
I wanna break down where your heart gets  
So torn it's almost breaking mine  
I wanna lay here, lost and bitter  
So long, I feel like I could die  
I wanna tell you what my truth is  
But it's buried down inside
> 
> It's buried down inside
> 
> source: [Dream by Bishop Briggs](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bGdhcBrLZcw)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so I know some people might be disappointed with how Arthur/John handled the pregnancy but like Dutch, I hAve A pLAn! Bear with me and this emotional rollercoaster ahead!  
-Eros


	25. Chapter 25

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys so, unfortunately, I have some bad news, I have an unexpected family emergency and will probably be spotty over the next few weeks. This by no means implies that this work is done or going on hiatus, I may just have some issues posting updates over the next month. I hope this was worth the twenty-five chapter wait!  
-Eros

Arthur could have sworn he was dreaming... He had wanted this for so long and so fucking hard, and now... Resting his hands on John's hips, he thought his heart would give out. Every breath he shared in time with John he was afraid he would open his eyes and be back in his tent... But he didn't.

"... D-Do you still... Want this?"

John was asking _him? _Arthur was too afraid to say anything, worried he would put his foot in his mouth and ruin this, so he didn't. He nodded as he realized that they were together again... Finally. John's smile at him was something he thought he would never see again with how happy it was. Reaching up, Arthur caressed John's cheek before slowly moving back to run his fingers delicately through John's hair.

Leaning into the touch, John breathed out calmly, he didn't want to think of anything... Dutch, Abigail, the future... He didn't want to think of anything except Arthur, no matter how selfish it was. He didn't even try to convince himself that this would be a bad idea, because he didn't care. He couldn't help but shiver when he felt Arthur's hand surfing through his hair, the soft touches against his scalp feeling like little lightning bolts.

John was so beautiful... It had been so long since Arthur was even _allowed _to admire John this way he had forgotten how fucking sweet it was. He couldn't hold himself back anymore, he closed the gap between him and John again, pressing his lips firmly against John's, and while the last kiss was careful and hesitant, this one was much more transparent with how he really felt. Arthur wrapped his arms around John's waist, pulling him closer and running one hand down to cup John's ass.

Flinching only slightly at the once familiar feeling, John blushed as his hands found themself roaming around Arthur's neck. It seemed that things weren't too stiff after all, and John didn't wait much longer to invite Arthur to deepen his kiss. Being with John was like rediscovering himself again, it had been years since Arthur felt such a raw form of happiness in his heart, he had forgotten what it felt like. His tongue danced with John's gracefully as if they had never stopped and when he heard a small sigh from the man above him, Arthur had completely forgotten why he came out here to begin with.

Pulling back only when he had to take a breath, the two panted softly, opening their eyes only inches from one another. John used to fear to look into Arthur's eyes, he felt like he would get sucked in and drown in the oceans that resided there, but now all he felt was that he had wasted so much of their time.

"Hold on." Arthur finally mused, wanting to lay John down _right_.

Even though he was a bit confused, John carefully scooted off of Arthur's lap when the other gently nodded to do so. When he stood, Arthur flashed a small smile at John before he walked over to his bag that he had set down upon walking inside. Lucky for them, the _one_ blanket Arthur had was in there, and he pulled it out before motioning for John to move.

Tilting his head, John didn't protest, he stood up, dusting himself off as Arthur spread out the blanket over John's pelts. It was getting colder with each night after all and while Arthur wasn't sure how far John was intending to go, two naked bodies causing heat would still be no match for when the snow finally hit, which could be any day at this point.

Once Arthur was done, he walked over to John and rested his hands on the other's waist attentively before pulling John flush up against him. For a moment, Arthur simply looked at John... Seeing how his eyes looked up at him with some surprise but he calmed quickly, his hands coming up to rest on Arthur's shoulders. There was so much Arthur wanted to say... Like how fucking sorry he was for being an idiot and causing _years _of heartache, or how much he treasured John giving himself to him in the most intimate fashion but... They didn't need to.

Leaning down, Arthur found his forehead pressing against John's, just cherishing the closeness for a moment. Anything could have happened over the last few years, one or _both_ of them could have been killed or worse, arrested... With all these words neither of them got the chance to say and now...

"John..." Arthur mumbled, opening his eyes to meet John's, he wanted to speak, he wanted to say so much but his lips wouldn't move.

It almost seemed as if John could see what he wanted to say through the pools in his eyes, he knew Arthur was never the best talker but he was genuine with his feelings... He always had been. Seeing that striking sheen in his partner's eyes... John just nodded his head gently against Arthur's.

"I know." He whispered in reply, seeing Arthur visibly sigh in relief before he too nodded.

"... Okay."

Without another word, John nearly jumped into Arthur's arms, embracing him tightly and nearly sobbing when he felt Arthur's strong arms wrap around him protectively, holding him as close to him as he could... He never wanted to let go, not again. Even John's _scent _comforted Arthur in ways he could never understand, it felt as if he and John were tailor-made for each other and he would _never_ make the mistake of letting him go again.

"I'm so sorry..." He choked out against John's shoulder, unable to let that go unsaid.

"Me too." The other replied pulling back to meet Arthur's gaze but he couldn't even look at John with how much shame was in his heart.

"I-I..."

"Arthur." John called softly, bringing him back out of his head as he was able to meet John's amber eyes as they reflected off the fire. "... Make it up to me tonight... Right now."

He could see the shift in Arthur's eyes, within one blink they went from being full of remorse to be taken over by sheer raw need... And with one last nod, Arthur nearly crashed his lips into John's, and while he was somewhat thrown off by the fierce gesture, John reciprocated fully. Arthur led them back down to the blanket he had put out and once they sat upon it, this time, Arthur was on top of John. Reaching up, one hand kept the bulk of his weight off of his protege while the other ran down John's side in appreciation and his lips found themselves naturally upon John's neck.

Shivering, John leaned his head to the side to expose more for Arthur to taste... Skin he hadn't had the privilege of feeling beneath his lips in years. When Arthur's leg gently nudged and prodded against John's, they opened without contest to which Arthur's hips slid right in between like a glove.

John winced slightly when he felt Arthur's teeth bite at his neck, at first he wanted to tell Arthur to be careful, he didn't want Abigail seeing any marks but... He didn't. Reaching up, one of John's hands dove into Arthur's hair and gripped it, earning a small growl from the man on top of him. Everything just came so naturally between them, it was almost as if they never separated.

Arthur's lips traveled over the expanse of John's neck, wanting desperately to make up for lost time while the hand that was positioned at John's side began to make it's way up his shirt, caressing his abdomen and touching his skin so delicately as if he was working on a Renaissance art piece. However, while he was keen on getting John's shirt off, there was something else that required attention first.

As his hand made it's way back down John's body and to his waistline, while continuing to relish John's neck with his lips, Arthur's hand went to work at unbuckling John's belt, though when he struggled he suddenly felt one of John's hand's brushing against his as he provided assistance with the task and once John's pants were open, Arthur's hand was quick to dive in. John released an audible gasp and grunted as Arthur suddenly took hold of his member.

"Don't quiet yourself here..." Arthur whispered harshly against John's skin.

A familiar flood of memories flew through John's head and he was suddenly brought back to the first night Arthur took him... And he felt like that nervous, naive person he was when Arthur was with him. He blushed and huffed softly as Arthur pulled back to get a look at John's expression who couldn't help at smirk at John's obvious attempts to keep himself composed, but as he gripped a bit harder on John's manhood and slid up the shaft tantalizingly, he watched as John bit his lip and sighed softly as pleasure began to contort his features.

"Good boy..." Arthur purred, the term of endearment nearly making John crazy by itself. "How does it feel?"

John wanted to defy Arthur as always, the _insufferable_ look in his eyes as he teased John made him desperate to resist but... He knew he couldn't, Arthur was his vice after all. Arthur was expecting John to say something snarky in response, what Arthur _wasn't _prepared for, was for John to look up at him with a simpering gaze and nod.

"... G-Good Arthur... Really good..." He sighed, catching Arthur completely off guard.

"Fuck, John." Arthur snarled before kissing John's lips roughly again.

John was a gorgeous person, especially in the throws of passion, hearing his name come off of John's lips huskily, wanting him... Arthur felt like he was going to burst from his pants. While their tongues fought for dominance, the hand that was in John's pants slipped out and reached down to get his own belt undone and once he felt the slack at his hips, Arthur pulled back and straightened his body up to look down at John.

When John's eyes opened, all he could see is Arthur's stare drinking him up and he almost felt intimidated by his mentor. Gulping, John couldn't help but turn his head away, unable to match the intensity of Arthur's eyes.

"Look at me, cowboy." Arthur almost cooed as he reached down to graze John's cheek with the back of his hand, the comforting touch helping John relax enough to resume his glare.

"W-Why do you keep starin' at me like that?" He couldn't help but ask, watching Arthur smirk for a moment he almost regretted asking but he watched as Arthur's hands came to his chest.

Slowly, he unbuttoned John's shirt, exposing him in the most vulnerable fashion, seeing all the familiar scars that he had kissed with his lips previously as well as newer ones that hadn't received his attention yet. He would make sure to kiss every single inch of John's body if it was the last thing he did... But Arthur took his time in answering John's question, as only when his shirt was fully open did Arthur lean back down, planting a slow kiss over John's heart before tailing his lips back up to John's, kissing from his chest, to his neck and finally planting his lips securely on John's did he pull back... Inches from John.

"... Because you're everything." He replied simply, smiling at John's taken aback look.

John's heart was beating so hard as Arthur backed away from him and nodded towards his lower body as he himself stood up, beginning to unbutton his own shirt.

"Take 'em off and get under there." He instructed, meaning the blanket.

John hesitated but as Arthur began exposing his chest and his shirt felt off his shoulders like nothing, John reached down and began to slip his pants carefully off his waist and tossing them in a heap to the side before he sat up and scooted beneath the blanket Arthur had brought just in time to look up and see Arthur approaching in full glory. John's breathing hitched as Arthur lowered himself next to him and slipped beneath the blanket as well before reaching over and turning the lantern off to provide them with nothing but the dim light from the fire.

This was it, John knew that if he wanted things to stop he needed to say something now but... He didn't want things to stop, in fact there was nothing he was more certain about in his life. When Arthur turned back to face him, John quickly brought him back into his arms and leaning back again to bring Arthur on top of him to which he followed without protest. Rolling over and carefully positioning himself above John, Arthur re-positioned himself between the other's legs and pulled him close. John thought he was going to lose it when he felt Arthur's cock pressing against his own.

"A-Arthur..." John mumbled, catching Arthur's attention momentarily. "... I need you." He whispered, making Arthur released just a small chortle.

"That's my line..." He mused playfully against John's lips, finally earning another smile from the man beneath him.

"Shut up I'm serious."

"Me too."

Snorting softly, John leaned up and nuzzled his nose with Arthur's, albeit briefly, and almost startling the man above him with how sweet the gesture was. John was _not _known for being sweet but for a moment Arthur allowed himself just to be fully sucked into John... Appreciating everything about him from the hesitance and shyness in his eyes to how open his smile was when Arthur got the freedom to view it fully.

"... I love when you smile at me." Arthur confessed, reaching up to gently run his fingers through John's hair.

"... Me too." John replied, Arthur could have sworn his eyes were shining.

With a goal in his mind to really make it up to John, Arthur leaned down one last time and pecked the other's lips with a wink before he began traveling down again. Stopping to savor John's neck only for a few moments, Arthur soon found his lips encircling one of John's nipples and gently sucking it into his mouth. Hearing John inhale sharply and feeling his hands rest his hands almost shakily upon Arthur's shoulders, he could feel the anticipation John was feeling and he had every intention of drawing this out as much as he could to John's torture.

Arthur didn't stay long, but he _did _move to the other nipple to give it a teasing nip before his head disappeared beneath the cover. John took a breath to prepare himself for Arthur's treatment and as he felt Arthur's lips move to his navel, John swallowed harshly and prepared himself. Prodding John's legs apart, Arthur got comfortable hidden beneath the fabric before grasping at John's member once more. He couldn't help but flinch but when he felt Arthur's lips planting a wet kiss upon it, John bit his lip. He couldn't remember a time being so sexually anxious.

Kisses turned into licks, Arthur had a plan to make this night John would remember forever, and hearing him huff and puff above him did plenty to keep Arthur motivated. After teasing John's cock for what felt like hours, Arthur allowed some saliva to drip down onto his fingers, and when he finally slipped the head of John's cock into his mouth the lubricated tips of his fingers began to slowly work and massage at John's entrance, practically forcing a moan from the man above him.

"Arthur... Fuck..."

If he was able to grin he would be, but Arthur was far too busy in bobbing his head down to please John. While Arthur wasn't perfect at giving head, he had been working at it lately with his... _Other _partner, Arthur couldn't even bear to think of anyone else at the moment. John whined softly when he felt Arthur's tongue teasing at his slit at the tip. Arthur could taste a distinct flavor that even after years he recognized as John's without a fraction of doubt and with that came another whimper from John as he fidgeted a little, his eyes fluttering shut until he felt one of Arthur's fingers slide inside him.

Releasing a whine at the feeling, John soon moaned loudly and arched his back feeling Arthur's finger move inside him. He hadn't explored down there since he was with Arthur and he had forgotten how damn good it felt, even if a little uncomfortable to begin with. Feeling Arthur stroke his insides was almost too much to bear coupled with Arthur's mouth working almost expertly on his shaft John felt he would burst already.

Arthur continued the torment on John's cock for a few more minutes but there was something else he desired to lick more. Slowly pulling his head off of John's member and taking his finger out of him, Arthur switched their places, his lips lowered to John's hole and his hand began to pump the shaft. Feeling Arthur tongue slide inside him, John bit his lip roughly until he could taste the metallic flavor that came with his blood and all he could think of was having Arthur inside him once more.

"Arthur stop teasing me..!" John mewled sensually, his hands clutching the blanket and his face ignited with a deep blush, he could feel himself crumbling, he needed _more_ even if it hurt.

Hearing John's whimpered plea, Arthur took his sweet time in taking his lips away from John's entrance, simply because he wasn't ready to be done. However, his own tumescence felt as if he was going to explode and he needed John now more than ever. Eventually pulling away, Arthur wiped his lips casually before trailing his kisses back up to John's face, who was panting but as he opened his eyes and saw Arthur once more, John leaned up, aggressively kissing his lips.

John forgot how nice it was to be with another man... Specifically, Arthur since he didn't have anyone else to compare it to, Arthur always knew just how to make him scream. He appreciated the fairer sex but not like Arthur, who was a different breed of his own.

Pulling back briefly, Arthur took a moment to really look at John as a man before taking him as his own once more. John was such a beautiful person and Arthur felt so stupid giving him up once... He reminded himself: never again, and as John calmed for a moment and managed to meet Arthur's eyes... He couldn't deny the love the resided there and he melted. As Arthur reached up and brushed John's cheek with his fingers, he leaned in, pressing a slow intimate kiss on John's lips before he pulled back.

"... You ready?" He asked, watching as John nodded and reaching up to run a hand through Arthur's hair.

"... Been ready since you had me in your lap in the mine." He replied, watching as Arthur smiled and nodded in return.

There was only one thing left to do now... Arthur took his hand away from John's cheek before it disappeared beneath the blanket, the light from the fire cascaded so perfectly against John's eyes, and for first and probably final time... Arthur knew he was completely and utterly in love. Carefully lining himself up with John's entrance, he could feel the other momentarily tense with anticipation before he began to guide his hips forward, and while John's walls resisted in the beginning, within moments of pushing Arthur felt himself slide inside.

There was a harsh gasp in the air as John's arms came up around Arthur's neck, his fingernails clutching onto his back making Arthur hiss in a delighted fashion from the pain because with the pain his cock was surrounded by the perfect warmth that he had been desperate to feel for _years. _Arthur leaned in and quickly pressed his forehead against John's to provide some comfort.

"Relax, relax..." He somewhat grunted and took slow deep breaths as a blush rose to Arthur's cheeks as well from the intense pleasure.

"I-I know..." John mumbled the reply as he pinched his eyes shut momentarily.

Forcing out a few breaths as slow as he could, John focused on remembering how good this would be if he stuck with it. Arthur remained still for his sake, but after a few moments, he began pushing further inside watching John's facial expression and pausing when he saw pain cross his features again.

"You alright?" Arthur asked.

"Y-Yeah... I think so..." John mumbled before opening his eyes back up to meet the man above him. "I want you..." He drawled softly, making Arthur's hair bristle.

"Say that again..." He growled softly, leaning down to bite John's neck softly.

"I want you, Arthur..." John sighed and lulled his head to the side as he felt Arthur pulling out.

Arthur had no clue how he managed to go years without sleeping with John, he felt like a drug. As Arthur slid back inside John once again, he took note that John's face wasn't nearly as scrunched up this time and he pushed forward until his hips and John's were connected to each other... John was _his_.

With that thought in mind, Arthur couldn't take it anymore, but he started out slow, his hips meeting with John's gently as he relished John's neck and chest with attention, occasionally toying with his nipples just to make him moan the way Arthur liked. Now, John was scratching Arthur's back up for all the right reasons, his heart was pounding and all that was on his mind was receiving Arthur's load.

If someone had told John he would be having sex with Arthur again they probably would have been shot, but as huffs and sighs became grunts and moans, John kept his legs splayed perfectly for Arthur as the wet slapping of their skin began to fill the small room. Sweat began to build at Arthur's brow as John rocked forward with every thrust, his eyes beginning to have that glazed over look, telling Arthur he was free to really _fuck _John.

Knowing he was going to lose himself, Arthur's hips paused their pace, offering John one last kiss before he sat up, allowing the blanket to fall off his back for the time being. John took the opportunity to look up at Arthur, the way his chest rose and fell with his harsh breaths and the way his face contorted with lust every time he thrust forward drove John wild, but watching Arthur take ahold of his hips, John knew things were about to get a lot more sloppy and he was _excited._

Gritting his teeth, Arthur's hips started to pound forward quickly, listening as John cried out loudly in response, only encouraging Arthur further. Holding John's legs open he took advantage of the moment and just let everything go, focusing on nothing but John. Nothing else mattered.

Suddenly flashes began to go through Arthur's mind, recalling the first time John had kissed him in his drunken stupor, it felt so right and the next thing that Arthur seemed to remember was the first time he laid John down... Shuddering, Arthur felt the oncoming sign of his release and without hesitation he brought a hand up to spit into the palm before reaching down to continue pumping John's member in time with his thrusts, watching John with greedy eyes as his own seemed to flutter due to the pleasure.

"A-Arthur... C-Cum inside me..." John pleaded, catching Arthur's attention for a moment and watching a smirk come to his lips.

"Oh, I intend to." He replied smugly to John's discontent, but dammit if he didn't look sexy doing so, though John's next request sucker-punched Arthur's heart.

"Kiss me."

John had told Arthur to kiss him on plenty of occasions in their past, in fact, he had done so not long before now, but the way John's eyes looked up at him so needily, reflecting the sheer raw passion in Arthur's eyes warned him that he would reach his end soon as the clenching in his gut began to overpower him. Leaning back down, allowing John to wrap his arms around his neck and hold him close, he did as he was demanded and kissed John's lips.

As if by the grace of whatever holy, as his lips touched John's, he felt the other beginning to spasm and claw his back up like an alleycat as his cock began to erupt with streams of his ejaculate. Seeing John's eyes roll was what pushed Arthur over the edge, shoving himself into John to fill him as deeply as he could. The intense pleasure peaking and beginning to die off, Arthur and John's breaths huffed softly in time with one another while Arthur's head pressed lazily against John's.

Carob hues were the first to open and his hand slowly fell from around Arthur's neck to gently push some hair out of his face, causing Arthur's eyes to open and meet John's and the only thing that John could feel was love... He had wanted this for so long... Wanted _Arthur_.

As they came down from cloud nine and Arthur felt himself go soft inside John, he leaned down to peck John's lips sweetly one last time before he rolled off of John next to him. Silence overtook the air, but not a tense one, and as Arthur glanced over and noted John's pants not far away from him, he reached over into his pocket and pulled out the bandana that resided there before he passed it over to John to clean himself up.

John almost didn't register the item handed to him at first, in sheer disbelief of what had just transpired between him and Arthur but he didn't regret it, in fact he felt lighter than he had in _years_. He never wanted to admit it, but he and Arthur were just... Perfect for each other, and with that thought in mind, John scooted over once he was wiped off and nuzzled up to Arthur who was quick to wrap an arm affectionately around him while they laid there just relishing the presence of each other.

Leaning over, Arthur placed a kiss atop John's head, just to affirm his feeling still held out after the sex. For a few minutes, Arthur had forgotten about his bastard.

"... Arthur?" John asked softly, finally breaking the silence.

"Hm..?"

"... I-I know I shouldn't ask but... Can we stay here for a few days? Just you and me?" He inquired, making Arthur frown momentarily.

"We really should get back..." He muttered regretfully.

"I know but... For just a few days... I just wanna pretend none of it is real... I know I'm a coward." John sighed, making Arthur reach up to gently stroke John's hair for comfort.

Arthur had always been one of the most reasonable people in the camp when it really counted, but for once, Arthur decided to damn all of it, damn the code, damn the child, damn the gang... And put John first, even if it were just for a couple of days.

"... I'll take the heat." Arthur piped up, momentarily confusing John.

"What?"

"When we get back... I'll take the heat... Stay with me." He suggested.

John was quiet for a moment as his heart thundered in his chest, the relief he felt was almost too much. He knew after this fantasy was over they would have to go back to their lives and responsibilities... And what this meant for their future was still unknown to John... But he simply didn't care... He just decided to love Arthur in the moment.

> Look at me lower your guard  
I know it's hard to believe  
But I'd never do you harm  
Lie down with me  
Here in the dark  
Listen to our hearts beat  
Bring it back to the start
> 
> And I want you to hold me  
And take me into your arms  
Safe from the storm  
And baby let me love you and kiss you  
And I'll make it alright  
It might take some time  
Give me forever and a night
> 
> You've got me under your spell  
I can hardly speak  
Burning like hell  
Say that you need me  
Like the night that we fell  
In love so deeply  
So completely
> 
> And I want you to hold me  
And take me into your arms  
Safe from the storm  
And baby let me love you and kiss you  
And I'll make it alright  
It might take some time  
Give me forever and a night
> 
> And I want you to hold me  
And take me into your arms  
Safe from the storm  
And baby let me love you and kiss you  
And I'll make it alright  
It might take some time
> 
> And I want you to hold me  
And take me into your arms  
Safe from the storm  
And baby let me love you and kiss you  
And I'll make it alright  
It might take some time  
Give me forever and a night
> 
> source: [Forever And A Night by Little Big Town](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zTHjw2HYNoU)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fun fact this song in this chapter was the SOLE REASON this fic got picked back up no lie lmao I've been waiting for THIS moment in the series and ugh god this song gives me so many Arthur/John vibes!
> 
> Like I said I'll try to keep up with updates but just be patient, my family is really going through it rn. Thank you again.  
-Eros


	26. Chapter 26

When John opened his eyes, he was surprised that Arthur was still wrapped around him from the night previous, but it was a pleasant surprise. He was still reeling from what happened after all... He had sex with Arthur, how could he have done something so stupid? Though, even as his head tried to convince himself that this was a bad idea his heart couldn't deny what he felt.

Blinking, John decided that since it was just going to be him and Arthur over the next few days he would just... Stop thinking about everything else, which was certainly easier said than done but... For now he was able to get taste of what another life could have been like.

Arthur shifted briefly in his sleep, his nose slightly delving into John's hair and taking a slow inhale. John's heart fluttered as Arthur's breathing resumed into the peaceful rhythm of slumber, feeling his arm move back towards him to very gently tighten his hold around John. For once he was snoozing calmly and catching up on rest.

While John's first instinct was to get up because that's just something people did, he decided to close his eyes and go back to sleep. Who cared what time it was anyway..?

The next person to open his eyes only did so an hour later when a mild chill hit his back. Dazed and confused cobalt hues fluttered for a moment as he registered where he was, he hadn't slept so deep in probably eight months. The first thing he saw was John's dark locks cascading down his back and felt his warm body radiating his front to which Arthur was very appreciative of, but as he leaned back a bit he could already see some frost covering the window panes, snow was coming soon and they had no firewood left. If they really wanted to stay for an extra couple of days they needed to gather a few things and that also meant getting up.

Sighing, Arthur turned back to John and nuzzled into the back of his head, kissing it gently until he felt John shuffle slightly beneath the blanket. His heart throbbed when John turned onto his back and looked at him with a sleepy expression. He was so god _damn **cute.**_

"Mornin', cowboy." Arthur greeted affectionately with a smile as John awoke.

"Hey..." John rasped softly in reply.

"Sleep okay?"

"Yeah you?"

"Like a baby."

_ **BA-BUMP.** _

_Shit._

Clearing his throat quickly to smoothly recover from the unintentional mood shift, Arthur nodded toward the shattered windows of their broken down shed they were currently calling home. Following his gaze, thankfully it seemed that John was still too drowsy to catch what he had said and upon narrowing his eyes at the window, a breeze swept in and caught him, making him shiver.

"Goddamn..!" He groaned, actually turning back toward Arthur to cuddle up to him further.

"Exactly." Arthur replied with a small chuckle before leaning in and pecking John's head. "That's why we gotta get up, the fire is out and we're outta wood." He explained, what Arthur wasn't expecting was for John's hand to discreetly surf beneath the blanket and grab hold of his cock, earning a shocked gasp from Arthur's lips.

"... No we're not." John replied, smirking up at Arthur's priceless expression, though it soon turned into a wicked grin of his own.

"... You've always played dangerous games, John." He commented simply.

Arthur soon realized how easy it was to let go when he was around John, he had woken John up with a mission to get them up and busy to get their camp situated and that task was quickly replaced with another: plowing John without a second thought. It was dangerous how easily John could sway Arthur's better judgement but he wasn't about to complain as he looked down at John's contorted expression as Arthur held his knees apart, driving his hips into him without mercy.

"Oh fuck Arthur! F-Fuck me!" John exclaimed, making Arthur grit his teeth and nearly dig his nails into John's legs before slamming himself forward.

That's right... All that mattered was them, nothing else. For once they had the freedom to do whatever they wanted, and Arthur had every desire to give John what he deserved after all. Panting, Arthur grunted and shoved himself inside of John before reaching down and beginning to stroke John's member in rapid succession, desperately wanting to watch John come unglued, if he wasn't already.

"A-Ah! Arthur! I-I'm cumming!" He cried right before his release began to stream over his chest and stomach, arching his back and going rigid in Arthur's hold which only forced the other over the edge, he barely had enough time to push himself back in before he began gushing into John with a low moan of approval.

Arthur hunched over a bit as he panted while John laid sprawled out against their bedding, his hair spread out in a hickory-colored crown and framing his flustered crimson visage. Huffing out breath after breath, the corners of Arthur's mouth turned upwards as John's simpering gaze met his, he was certain John was _his_ no matter how much the other would contest once he was sober from their fuck fest.

"I wish you could see yourself in a mirror right now." Arthur hummed, watching rebellion light up in John's eyes for a moment at Arthur's smug look.

"F-Fuck off..." John panted, only entertaining Arthur further, smacking his hips into John's once more, earning an uncontrollable yelp from the man beneath him as well as a bolt of pleasure travelling up his own body.

Once more, the two panted in unison before Arthur finally felt himself go soft within John and willed himself to pull out, watching eagerly as John's abused entrance leaked his fluids. Arthur was sure that if he had seen that earlier while he was still hard he would have been able to go a round two but now that he'd have to work himself up again, he managed to will it down since there were still things needed to be done.

"Now," Arthur snorted softly as he reached up, running his fingers up through his hair and slicking it back. "I need to go get us some more _wood _if we wanna stay out here for a while... You obviously have some cleaning up to do." He mused before flashing a grin down at John who glared back up at him.

John would make Arthur pay for making him lower himself like that no matter how much he _loved _it, he would be certain to wipe that smug look on his face once and for all if it was the last thing he did... But how? He simply watched as Arthur began to redress, his sharp eyes softening as he watched Arthur's muscles shift and contort as he stretched and slipped on his shirt. Arthur was kind enough to drape the blanket over John's lower half to preserve _some _of his dignity.

However, before he went to depart Arthur knelt as John sat up just in time to peck his lips and earning a slightly surprised look from John, but the kiss was far from unwelcome and despite John thinking Arthur was insufferable, the smile the other had on was nothing short of sweet.

"I'll be back, we'll probably have to go catch somethin' at some point today, I didn't bring any food." Arthur mentioned.

"I didn't bring enough for two." John chuckled somewhat nervously but watched Arthur shrug casually before reaching up to caress John's cheek gently.

"I think we can both agree this was... Unexpected." He said, watching John lean into the touch and nod, but he was quick to take his hand away and scoff. "Shit John! I'm tryin' to leave." He snickered before standing back up and walking toward his bag to grab his coat.

"What did I do?" He asked, watching Arthur turn around with a brow arched as if he was suspicious.

"... If you don't know I'd like to keep it that way." He mused, winking after putting the coat on and walking out of the shed.

John's eyes locked on the door for a few long seconds after Arthur had left, this was... Weird, but a good weird, something he knew he'd get a taste of and never be able to experience again, which only affirmed his decision to make this about them and only them... However first he had a mess to clean up.

* * *

Arthur wasn't in a huge hurry, but the cold bite in the air told him winter was coming. He had probably been gone only about twenty minutes, gathering up stray wood from the abandoned structures around them. If the farm house hadn't collapsed Arthur would have had them stay there but where they were would suit them just fine as long as they kept up with the wood stove.

He had gotten a pile near the door when Arthur really took the time to look around. The night before, he was more concerned about his freezing digits, now he could see that this property was well hidden, it truly was a miracle that he had seen John's map in the bush... And while Arthur wasn't sure why, a powerful force hit his spirit and he reached into his back pocket and pulled out the paper.

Looking down at it, Arthur furrowed his brows, realizing that if John hadn't dropped his map that Arthur likely wouldn't have found him and they wouldn't have been together... Without warning a breeze went through his hair and Arthur gasped and looked up as a familiar smell hit his nose and he spun around, taking a few paces forward as he tried to find the source. It was the perfume of only one woman... The woman who believed in him and John in the first place, the woman he had failed all those years ago.

The smell hit Arthur's nose again and spun around once more, beginning to run in the direction that it was coming from. He had to be crazy right? Annabelle was dead, she had been dead for a long time, but she _hand made_ her own perfume, there was _no _other smell like it, Arthur knew that... But as Arthur entered the trees the smell vanished, huffing out a few breaths his eyes frantically scanning around for any sign of one of the few beloved people in his life, but to no avail... Sighing softly, Arthur watched as a small cloud erupted from his lips, why would he be so foolish? He needed to get the shed warm again anyway, John was probably wondering where he was.

When Arthur turned he was shocked to see an eagle perched on a log only about a few yards away, Arthur glanced around briefly wondering how he had missed the massive bird of prey, but as Arthur looked back at it he arched his brows slightly... It was looking _right at him. _Tilting his head, Arthur took a breath as he processed the bird was indeed there. He had never see one up close, it felt larger than John, blinking he slowly reached into his bag and inched out his journal, watching as the eagle tilted it's head curiously back at him.

Arthur wasn't an expert on eagles but he didn't have to be to realize that this one was particularly brave. Arthur's first instinct was to draw it but as he brought out the book he realized he couldn't take his eyes away from it... There was something... Oddly comforting and calming about it, it blinked and released a small chirp, reassuring Arthur that he wasn't crazy.

It was then that it hit Arthur, as he met the bird's eyes there was an irrefutable sense of peace, and the sunset color of her eyes nearly had Arthur in tears but just as the intense feelings of both relief and grief flooded his senses, the eagle took flight soaring up above Arthur's head and echoing a loud and proud cry as it ascended.

Blinking Arthur stood there for a few moments, completely flabbergasted by what he had just experienced. It all had to be a coincidence... There was no way...

One last time the gentle gust of wind combed through Arthur's hair, a reassuring sense of content washing over him as he held the map in his hand, looking down at it. Was it an accident that he had found John? Or did he have a little help?

_Two people who love each other as pure and honest as anyone else I don't see anything unnatural about it._

_Arthur, there's no shame in loving someone..._

He could feel her reassuring whispers in the breeze... She was there, Arthur had no doubt about it...

* * *

When John was finally dressed and cleaned as much as he could get, he was still wondering how to get Arthur back for this morning. Slipping his own coat around his shoulders he walked outside to see how cold it was and shivered slightly. Glancing over and noting Gypsy and The Admiral still standing next to one another beneath the awning when a light bulb went off in John's head.

Walking forward, he reached into Gypsy's saddle bag, surfing through it until he pulled out an older bridle that he had on hand just in case of an emergency but the leather was still in decent condition... Pulling out his knife, he cut into the strands of leather and sliced the reins away from the bit, leaving him with one long length of the material, smirking as he looked down at it, when John glanced back up he could see Arthur walking back from the woods, and he was quick to stash the smooth leather in his satchel. Arthur was adorning a confused and slightly awe-stricken expression.

"Hey, I was wondering where you were, you look like you've seen a ghost." John commented.

"I-... I think I did." Arthur replied, looking up to see John's expression fall momentarily into surprise of his own.

Arthur wasn't a religious man, and when something monumental happened to him (which wasn't often), he tended to keep it a secret if he could help it, but it had been a long time since he had been sufficiently spooked by something like this. John guided Arthur back inside so they could get the fire started again and once they pulled up some stools leftover by the previous occupants next to the warmth, John handed Arthur a flask to which he took gratefully and finally disclosing what had happened. As he recounted the details, Arthur watched John's face closely for signs that he was saying too much but John's face remained relaxed and neutral as he spoke.

"Her eyes looked _right at me_, John... I-I don't know how to describe it other then that... They were _her _eyes." He mumbled, shaking his head and sighing as he took another drink of the whiskey that he had been offered.

John frowned slightly as he looked at Arthur's deflated form, he knew Annabelle's death had hit Dutch and Arthur especially hard, and John knew Arthur well enough to know he suppressed the grief he felt for her to be strong for everyone else. He could see the pain in Arthur's ocean eyes as they looked at the fire.

"I sound stupid huh?" He asked.

"... Nah." John replied catching Arthur off guard, seeing the other gawk over at him. "... Remember when me, Dutch, and Bill went over that waterfall?" He inquired, watching Arthur nod. "... I saw my mother that night."

Arthur remembered now, John was shivering in his arms, telling Arthur what he had seen, but Arthur was so concerned with keeping him alive that he didn't even think about his words. It was a great comfort to know that he wasn't alone in these... Visions.

"... You know... She and I talked a lot..." Arthur mentioned, a smile beginning to creep onto his lips. "In fact if it weren't for her... I don't think I woulda had the balls to kiss you again." He explained, making John's heart skip a beat before he stood up and walked toward Arthur.

"Yeah?" He asked once he was in front of Arthur, somewhat tilting his head down at him playfully.

Arthur looked up at John, his heart felt as if it would burst from his chest and he slowly stood up, their noses almost brushing against one another as he did so and once he was looking down at John once again, all he could feel was how much he fucking loved the man in front of him, and he nodded in reply. Leaning in, Arthur pressed his head against John's and allowed his eyes to flutter shut as they stood in silence. Warmth from the fire enveloped them and the sorrow Arthur felt previously melted away.

"... You think she's happy for us?" John couldn't help but ask.

"If you want me to be honest, she's probably telling us to shut up..." He snickered and leaned in, closing the gap between him and John.

Nearly falling into Arthur's arms, John lazily wrapped his arms around the other's neck as he felt Arthur's securely slither around his waist and pulling him close. Arthur would never tire of kissing John, he didn't think it was possible... John was the one person he felt safe with. Pulling away, John's eyes fluttered open to meet Arthur's and he was shocked to see that Arthur was _blushing, _for a moment, John was worried Arthur wasn't feeling well.

"You okay?" He inquired.

"Never better, why?" Arthur replied, confusion overtaking his eyes as John reached up to feel his forehead.

"You're red-" John's voice abruptly cut off as he realized Arthur's sudden affliction, he soon smirked. "... You're blushin'?" He asked, watching Arthur blush deeper as he cleared his throat.

"No, it's warm in here."

"That's cute, even for you."

Arthur sighed but when John kissed him again, he leaned into it fully and pulled John closed as he had time and time again and like each time they fit like a glove. However, before things could become especially heated, Arthur pulled away and smiled down at John regardless of his embarrassment.

"Hey... Before we do anymore of _this, _we should go out to catch somethin'. With the temperature droppin' they're gonna be struggling trying to eat the last of what's left before the snow fall." He said, watching John sigh but nod in agreement.

"You're right, but I have a question Arthur, do you trust me?" John asked as he stepped away from Arthur, somewhat puzzling Arthur who looked down at him incredulously.

"Uh, yeah? Why?"

"Just checkin'." John mused with a small grin before reach over to grab a rusty poker to put out the fire.

Arthur looked at John with suspicious gaze but as John simply began to walk toward the door once he had finished snuffing out the flames, Arthur followed wondering why the hell John asked such a question. He sure hoped the other wasn't doubting him but there seemed to be something else rather than just that, he would let it go for now.

When they walked out, they meandered over to their horses and once on top of The Admiral, Arthur reached into his saddle bag and pulled out his old worn hat and placed it atop his head, he could have sworn he had lost it when they were on the run. Once John was on top of Gypsy, Arthur lead them out into the clearing. They would have tougher luck since it was around mid-morning but it was still doable. It was the tail end of rut there would probably be some courtships still happening. Arthur knew they were more prevalent in the mountains but with rut and the morning grasses they would be better off in the lowlands this time.

Making sure they kept it slow to avoid startling any animals. It was probably an hour of straight riding when Arthur finally held up a hand, signaling John to stop. Pulling back on the reins, Arthur listened intently when a slight cracking sound was heard in the distance.

"You know what that is?" Arthur inquired, watching John shake his head. "Rut, those are stags fightin', let's go." He hurried before kicking The Admiral's sides.

Following the smacking, cracking and crashing sound as they got closer, Arthur eventually advised that they dismount and continue on foot. With rifles in their hands, Arthur and John slowly crept forward where they could hear grunting and the sounds of battle. Finally pulling a small bush down, Arthur could see the herd in slight chaos, this was always the most dangerous time for them because they were so distracted.

"Whoa, look at 'em all..." John muttered in bewilderment.

"Yep... Mean bastards." Arthur mentioned before pulling out his binoculars to pick out a target. "Oh wow, ten o'clock there's an impressive rack out there." He observed, making John chuckle as he snatched the device to look for himself.

"That sounds like something you'd say..." He mused before he looked through and nodded.

When John took the binoculars away from his eyes and handed them back to Arthur, he glanced over as their fingers brushed and once more he was reminded of how much he would hate for this to end... He had never felt so... Whole.

"You wanna take the shot?" Arthur offered.

"Nah, you picked it out." John replied.

Shrugging his shoulders, Arthur reached behind his back and pulled out his rifle. John watched carefully and even though he wouldn't admit it, he was studying Arthur. He was easily the best aim in the gang and John had never seen someone line up shots so fast in his life. Timing it in his head, within ten seconds Arthur lined up his sight, aimed and pulled the trigger. The large antlers in the group fell as the herd suddenly began to disperse upon being startled, Arthur pulled his head back and nodded before slinging his gun back over his shoulder and rising up before holding a hand out to John.

Reaching up, John took the offer and stood up and walked with Arthur toward their kill. There was more than enough for them and if they cared for it properly, they would be able to bring some meat back to make up for their disappearance.

"Nice shot." John commented as he knelt next to the still animal. "Why don't you start skinnin'? I'll call the horses and bring them over."

Arthur gawked over slightly at John's overly helpful nature but as his eyes honed in on the other's ass as he walked away, Arthur simply cleared his throat and got to work. A mule deer wasn't something that took too much effort but with John's help packaging it appropriately and hauling it onto the horses it didn't take long. When Arthur stood up to dump some water on his hands and wash them they had been away from their make-shift home for about two and a half hours. Once the blood flowed off his hands, John had walked up behind him.

"You bout ready to go?" Arthur inquired, turning over.

"I think so." John replied as he stopped next to Arthur, catching his eye as always.

Many questions were in Arthur's head but he reminded himself to just go with the flow for now, this wasn't about the future it was about them right here right now. Gently wrapping an arm around John's shoulders, Arthur's heart fluttered as he felt John lean his head against him affectionately while they walked back towards their horses.

"This was fun... Been a while since I had any." John mentioned casually.

"Yeah..?" Arthur asked.

"Yeah... But I bet you already knew that." John chuckled softly.

"... I always have a good time with you." Arthur remarked just as casually as John had, watching as John glanced up to him momentarily, Arthur smirked when he noted the blush on his partners face.

As they got close to their horses Arthur leaned over and planted a kiss on John's head before managing to let him go and climb up on The Admiral. Waiting patiently for John, they began their trip back to camp which thankfully remained uneventful and once they had returned, Arthur managed to find a basket in the barn. They picked out what they would need and with the rest they suspended it in a tree with Arthur's lasso so it would be safe from (most) predators, it was cool enough during this time a year they weren't too worried about it spoiling.

Now that they were back however, a more pressing matter came to John... Arthur needed some much deserved payback for his stunt this morning and just the thought of what he had in mind sent a shiver down John's spine. When they walked inside, John leaned against the wall as he watched Arthur go to work at getting their fire started again. His eyes honed in on Arthur's hands and how quick and efficient they were, John always found himself amazed with how impressive his partner was.

Feeling John's eyes upon him, Arthur's cobalt hues surfed over and seeing John staring at him, Arthur stood from the growing fire in the stove and walked over. Slowly leaning over John, Arthur rested a hand near John's head against the wall before leaning down and pecking his lips and allowing his them to sink lower against John's skin.

"What're you starin' at?" Arthur purred softly against the other's neck.

"The obvious." John chuckled softly, relishing the affection.

He never would have expected Arthur to have such a soft side, he knew that was silly of him since he and Arthur were indeed involved at one point, but even back then Arthur was much more reserved... And John _wasn't _complaining, he was more surprised that he actually liked it. Taking a breath, knowing he needed to ask now before Arthur swept him off his feet again.

"Arthur, you trust me, yeah?" John asked, interrupting the kisses at his neck momentarily.

"You're askin' me that _again?_" Arthur asked, pulling away form John and arching a brow down at him with a slightly anxious look. "What's the secret, John?"

"Not what you think." John replied, shaking his head with a smile, only confusing further but as John reached down into his bag and taking out the piece of leather he had cut from his old bridle, Arthur tilted his head. "... You trust me enough to tie you up..?" John then asked, knowing he would never be able to erase the perfect image of Arthur's shocked expression in his mind as long as he lived.

John wanted to _tie him up? _Arthur had to be dreaming but as he looked down to the leather strip in John's hand, he turned his attention back up to the other's gaze. He did trust John after all and with his heart pumping what felt like _all _of Arthur's blood to his cock, he nodded enthusiastically. John grinned and nodded in affirmation, Arthur pulled John close and the race to get each other's clothes off was started.

Arthur couldn't remember the last time he had spent a day in bed with someone, he figured this was the closest thing too it and he knew there was nothing he would rather do. John was usually timid, it made Arthur more than excited to watch John take the lead, and as their clothing began to fall to the floor John started leading them back to where he intended on tying Arthur up.

John found that he liked being in charge, flashing memories of riding Arthur went through John's head and he bit his lip at the thought once he and Arthur separated to shrug off their shirts and allow their pants to fall. Once naked, Arthur brought John close one last time while his hands were still free and allowed them to both grab handfuls of his partners ass. John gasped softly in surprise and slightly shoved Arthur away, looking up him defiantly before nodding to the floor.

"Nuh-uh... On the floor." He ordered, Arthur actually glared at John for a few moments as he processed that he wasn't in charge anymore but he begrudgingly did as he was told.

John directed Arthur on how he wanted him positioned and when he was finally ready to tie him down, Arthur was sat down cross-legged and leaning back a bit against the wall while his arms were hoisted above his head. Arthur watched, despite his dominance wanting to force John down and show him who was really in charge, he was _very _excited which was obvious enough from his erection.

Kneeling down, John slowly climbed on top of Arthur's lap with a grin as the strip of leather swung teasingly in his hand. Reaching up, John tightly bound Arthur's hands to the railing above them, when he was sure he didn't cut off Arthur's circulation, he glanced back down, seeing Arthur's eyes shining up at him.

"W-What..?" John asked, taken aback by the admiration in the other's globes.

"Nothin'... Just you..." Arthur replied.

John gulped harshly at the sweet words, Arthur always knew what to say to make John's heart skip a beat. Even with his hands tied up... Arthur still disarmed John.

"... Damn you." John replied softly before reaching up, his fingers gently rested against Arthur's cheeks as he leaned in and pressed a feather light kiss upon his lips.

However, something caught John's eye... Looking over as he pulled away from Arthur, his resolve hardened as a grin slithered onto his visage. Reaching over, John grabbed Arthur's hat that had gotten dropped while they had been feverishly removing each other's clothes. Arthur watched John intently, feeling his dick actually twitch as John put the hat on his own head. Arthur was certain he had never seen anything as sexy as John, wearing _his _hat, naked on top of him.

"... Ready for a ride, Arthur Morgan?"

> If you're not the one for me  
Then how come I can bring you to your knees?  
If you're not the one for me  
Why do I hate the idea of being free?  
And if I'm not the one for you  
You've gotta stop holding me the way you do  
Oh, honey, if I'm not the one for you  
Why have we been through what we have been through?
> 
> It's so cold out here in your wilderness  
I want you to be my keeper  
But not if you are so reckless
> 
> If you're gonna let me down, let me down gently  
Don't pretend that you don't want me  
Our love ain't water under the bridge  
If you're gonna let me down, let me down gently  
Don't pretend that you don't want me  
Our love ain't water under the bridge  
Say that our love ain't water under the bridge
> 
> What are you waiting for?  
You never seem to make it through the door  
And who are you hiding from?  
It ain't no life to live like you're on the run  
Have I ever asked for much?  
The only thing that I want is your love
> 
> If you're gonna let me down, let me down gently  
Don't pretend that you don't want me  
Our love ain't water under the bridge  
If you're gonna let me down, let me down gently  
Don't pretend that you don't want me  
Our love ain't water under the bridge  
Say that our love ain't water under the bridge
> 
> It's so cold out here in your wilderness  
I want you to be my keeper  
But not if you are so reckless
> 
> If you're gonna let me down, let me down gently  
Don't pretend that you don't want me  
Our love ain't water under the bridge  
If you're gonna let me down, let me down gently  
Don't pretend that you don't want me  
Our love ain't water under the bridge
> 
> Say it ain't so, say it ain't so  
Say it ain't so, say it ain't so  
Say it ain't so, say it ain't so  
Say it ain't so, say it ain't so  
Say that our love ain't water under the bridge  
Say it ain't so, say it ain't so  
Say it ain't so, say it ain't so  
Say it ain't so, say it ain't so  
Say it ain't so, say it ain't so  
Say that our love ain't water under the bridge  
Say that our love ain't water under the bridge
> 
> source: [Water Under the Bridge by Adele](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WkTTLzaj_Pk)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, let me just start by saying thanks so much for your patience. It has been extremely emotionally exhausting where I'm at right now. With that being said I hope the fluff was worth the read I wanted to do one or two fluff chapters between John and Arthur cause duh they fucken deserve it? Lmao, please let me know how much you're enjoying and I'll keep up with updating as much as I can. Much love.  
-Eros


	27. Chapter 27

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry in advanced for the long notice at the bottom lel.

When Arthur opened his eyes first the next morning, just as the day before, his arm was securely wrapped around John who was still snoozing quietly. Smiling, he picked his head up to glance over at his wrist, there was still a red line across it from their _activities_ the day prior, it would probably fade by the end of today and be gone tomorrow. They hadn't gone out since they caught their deer, they didn't need to after all, Arthur had every intent on spending as much time as he could in bed with John.

Running a hand down John's body, he could feel the other stir lightly in his sleep. Arthur wished he could wake up every day like this... With John in his arms. Arthur exhaled slowly, knowing that even if John wanted to keep this up when they returned, things couldn't go back to the way they used to be with the baby and all.

When John's eyes opened, he groaned softly and rolled slowly onto his back to get a look at Arthur, and like clockwork, Arthur smiled at his disheveled sleepy appearance.

"Mornin' partner..." Arthur drawled playfully.

"Hey..." John yawned.

Before Arthur could get any ideas, John gently pushed him onto his back so that he could scoot up close and rest his head comfortably on his chest. He wasn't quite ready to get up or fuck yet but he also didn't want Arthur to leave his side. Instinctively, Arthur's arm slithered around John's shoulders and held him close to his chest as it rose and fell calmly with his breaths.

"... Arthur, what now?" John suddenly asked quietly with the soft crackling of the weak fire.

If Arthur had a nickel for every time that question was brought up in his life... Gulping harshly, he thought carefully. He would be lying if he said he hadn't been thinking about what would happen once their little get away was over and done with. He knew what he wanted but John was the one to make the final decision, this was all Arthur's fault after all.

"Well... What do you want?" Arthur inquired back.

John bit his tongue at Arthur's question... What _did_ he want? Breathing slowly, all John could smell was the pleasant aromas of their natural scents merging together as one... And John's slow growing anxiety was calmed, and listening to Arthur's quickening heartbeat, John knew he couldn't fight this even if he tried. Sitting up, John looked over as Arthur mirrored his actions and sat up beside him.

"... You." John replied, reaching over to wrap his arms around Arthur's neck and hold him tightly.

Arthur felt the relief consume him as he wrapped his arms just as tightly around John, burying his face into John's hair and slowly inhaling. He would do whatever it took to keep John in his life, no matter what... Even if he had to sever romantic ties with his other special someone. When his mind then honed in on Abigail, Arthur forced down the shame and guilt in knowing that not only had he impregnated her and refused to accept responsibility for _their_ child, but he had just fucked the man she chose (and he pushed her) to have a family with... He was such a piece of shit.

"We should probably keep this away from camp with... Ya know." Arthur said, pulling back so he could gauge John's reactions and even though he saw disappointment, run through John's eyes he nodded in agreement.

"You're right... It's not like anyone is gonna tell us we can't go out." John replied, relieving Arthur further.

Leaning in, Arthur kissed John's lips gently to lessen the hurt of separation. Arthur knew it was smarter to go back to camp today but... With John in his arms he didn't want to go anywhere. Why did life have to be so goddamn complicated?

For a moment... Arthur really considered begging John to run away with him... To start a new life together, just the two of them.

Taking a breath, he knew it would be wrong to ask John to do such a thing, so he kept the dream to himself. He would be lying if he said he hadn't thought of it before. It would be perfect after all... They could get a place together and keep away intruders... No one would know.

"What're you thinkin' about?" John asked curiously as he saw the intense look on Arthur's face, who quickly blinked as he was brought out of his head.

"O-Oh... Nothin' really... Fantasizing more or less." He replied, laying back down with a small puff of disappointment in knowing the life they had could never allow such... Happiness.

"Fantasizin' bout what? Me?" John chuckled softly as he too laid back down and relocated his head onto Arthur's chest.

"Yeah don't let that go to your head, fantasizing can mean a lot of things." Arthur chortled before he slowly rolled on top of John, who didn't resist in the slightest.

"Oh yeah..?" John asked with a small grin, reaching up and running his fingertips gently along Arthur's cheek and giving him some much needed comfort.

As Arthur looked down at John, his relaxed and calm nature soothed Arthur's heartache and all he could think of was how much he wish he could go back and change... Though the consequences on staying could have been much graver for both of them if they had stayed together, but even as Arthur's defense mechanisms tried to rationalize his decision to break John's trust in the most brutal way, he released a shaky breath and leaned in, gently allowing his head to rest against John's for a moment just to recollect himself. He really was the stupidest man alive for pushing John away.

"You okay?" John asked, feeling Arthur's aura shift, leaning in just a bit further to kiss his lips.

"Yeah... Just reminding myself what an idiot I was." He chuckled just a tad hollowly before he opened his eyes and looked down to the other, taking in all of his features like it was the last time he was seeing them.

John was a bit shocked at the remorse clearly written in Arthur's eyes, it almost overpowered his own emotions but just remaining silent for a moment, he regained his fortitude and sighed before shaking his head with a small smile of amusement. Reaching up as he thought about what to say, he ran his fingers through Arthur's hair and delighted as it fell forward even after he slicked it back.

"... I was angry for a long time." John finally said, his smile falling finally as he recalled how hurt he was.

"Well... That was kind of obvious." Arthur said somewhat nervously, almost afraid that bringing it up would cause something else for John to be mad at him at.

"N-No I mean... Yeah I was angry at you for what you did but..." John sighed and looked away. "After a while I just... Did it cause I was scared." He admitted, only crushing Arthur's heart further.

"... You mean... You weren't mad at me?" Arthur inquired, finally seeing a small entertained smile on John's lips.

"Oh I was... But, I just _found _things to be mad about cause... Well, I didn't wanna make the same mistake twice." He said somewhat bluntly, finally looking up to Arthur's eyes. "I was almost hoping I'd push you to someone else." He admitted.

_ **BA-BUMP.** _

Arthur actually gulped as he recalled how eager he was to be in Dutch's arms after he was rejected by John the first time in the cave. He didn't deserve any of this... He didn't deserve John's love or Dutch's embrace and yet he was too much of a coward to come clean in the moment like he should have.

"J-John I-..." Arthur murmured, almost feeling like his throat was closing up, but when John looked back up to him, once more his calm washed over Arthur and right now he reminded himself this wasn't about him, he was trying to make this up for John now in the moment, he couldn't change the past, taking a breath he exhaled slowly and smiled. "... I could never quit you." he finally said, and those words were true in his heart after all and watched John chuckle softly and roll his eyes.

"I suppose that's a good thing, huh?" John inquired playfully as Arthur leaned down to kiss his neck.

"For me." Arthur snickered against John's skin before his kisses turned into small nips, he reminded himself they had to be careful now with the marks they left on each other's skin, but John just relished the attention, feeling his heart flutter and the familiar sensation of arousal tugging at his senses.

* * *

It wasn't until around two o'clock that afternoon that Arthur and John finally got up and walked out of the shed. They had to check and make sure no bears got bold enough to go after the meat they hung up. Trudging over to the large pine that they had decided on, Arthur was relieved that the basket was still there. Both he and John looked around for signs of any attempts at it, though with no scratch marks to be seen on the trunk and no indented grass, Arthur came to the conclusion that they got lucky.

However, as he looked over into the woods where he had his encounter with that eagle, his body stiffened up a bit. John followed Arthur's eyes and mild confusion overtook him, reaching over and gently nudging Arthur, John watched as he blinked and look back over. He was obviously distracted by something.

"You alright?" He questioned, Arthur nodded and looked back out to the forest.

"... Yeah, that's where I saw that eagle." He replied, seeing John nod in understanding.

"Wanna go for a ride? Maybe we'll see her again." John offered.

Normally, when it came to spooky or paranormal things Arthur wasn't about to volunteer but he didn't have that dreaded fear in the pit of his stomach when he saw her... Which was what ultimately made him believe that it was indeed Annabelle. Taking just a moment to think about it, he finally nodded, knowing that even if he didn't see her, he'd still have a good time with John.

"I think that's actually an excellent idea." Arthur replied evenly before he nodded back towards the horses.

Taking no time to lead their horses out from under their protection, Arthur and John climbed atop them and kicked their sides. Cantering through the trees, Arthur noted a cold breeze raking through his hair. It would probably be best for them to move ASAP, especially with Hosea's illness. They were on borrowed time, any day it could snow.

However, before the worries could cloud Arthur's good mood, John kicked Gypsy and rode up beside Arthur, sending him a playful smirk before kicking her again, sending her past Arthur. Narrowing his eyes, Arthur grinned and kicked The Admiral as well and before long, both he and John were galloping through the trees, doing whatever they could to stay ahead of the other.

It had been a while since Arthur could let go and actually have _fun, _both of them howled with laughter and threw good-humored insults at each other as they did so. Arthur's cheeks actually hurt from smiling so hard, which proved he needed to do more of it and with John at his side he had no doubt he'd get the practice. They eventually rode out to a river and followed it up further into the mountain, trotting leisurely and talking casually.

Arthur was actually very forthcoming with answers to Johns more personal questions which shocked him. He remembered when Arthur used to be very picky on what he spoke about and he always had trust issues, so seeing him open up was comforting. Maybe they could make this work after all?

When the two made it up to one of the taller ridges, the snow had finally risen to their horses ankles but not much further. Arthur dismounted his horse to walk forward and get a better view and John soon followed, a hand coming up to rest on Arthur's back once he got close, who glanced over and didn't hesitate to wrap an arm around John's shoulders affectionately. It was nice being in the middle of nowhere, they didn't have to worry about prying eyes and with that thought in mind Arthur soon turned over and planted a firm kiss on John's lips.

"What was that for?" John asked with a small chuckle.

"Just cause." Arthur replied, shrugging before John smiled and wrapped his arms around Arthur's neck.

As soon as Arthur snaked his arms around John's hips, he noticed a smoke trail coming from the distance... The smoke was billowing up in a line, it had to be a camp of people.

"Hey, wait." Arthur warned before quickly reaching into his bag to pull out his binoculars, John following his eyes and squinting as well.

"That's not far from where we're set up." John hummed softly.

"My thoughts exactly..." Arthur murmured uneasily as he did what he could to spy on possible intruders.

Arthur wasn't sure he felt safe having sex with John so close to another camp, how long had they been there and they didn't notice? Surely it had to be recent, frowning Arthur took down the binoculars from his visage, if they wanted to stay another night they had to make sure whoever these people weren't an immediate threat.

"Let's go check that out." Arthur decided, nodding to it before looking to John somewhat apologetically, but he shrugged casually.

"Lead the way." He agreed.

Despite being a little annoyed that their free time was cut short for the moment, Arthur winked at John before climbing back into his saddle. He still felt rather relaxed, he truly needed this little vacation if he could call it that. Kicking The Admiral towards the smoke they had seen, John followed close behind and they stayed quiet.

When they neared the location, they slid off their saddled to creep up, they weren't looking for a fight after all. Arthur was grateful that they were in a dense forest, the trees provided nice cover. They could see a singular fire pit and counted about five men. What Arthur noticed was that they all sported black hats, gloves and bandannas, it seemed like this was a gang and if Arthur had to guess he assumed that they were apart of the Ravens but he wasn't certain.

"Let's try to eaves drop on 'em." Arthur whispered before carefully pushing forward, eventually finding a shrub large enough for both of them to hide behind as they tried to listen to any conversation.

From what Arthur could see, they were still setting up so he was right in his assumption that they had gotten here not long ago. He looked for any signs or insignia's but there was nothing concrete.

"Hurry up! Everett wants this place up and going before we hit the stagecoach tonight!" Someone yelled.

"What about the city? The Chief is dead they won't even bat an eye at us." Another argued.

"We do what Everett says, besides the stage coaches near here have been good on shit."

"And that other gang, we have any info on them yet?"

Arthur and John looked to one another, worry shining in their eyes but Arthur held up his index finger silently. Had they been spied on and not even knew it? _Again?_

"They had a real Irish soundin' name, what was it? The O'Driscolls?"

To say Arthur's heart stopped was an understatement, this situation just went from bad to worse, not only was Dutch injured and unable to fight but their sworn enemies were now in the region... If they were lucky, they had kept their heads down just enough not to be found out... But with the Chief of Police dead because of them.

"Yeah. You think they're the ones who took care of the Chief?"

"Nah, they just got here, I bet it was an inside job."

"That... What's his name, Collin? Collum? He's a real bastard, Everett and I met up with the guy once."

Arthur swallowed hard, he had heard enough and what was worse was now they couldn't stay knowing the information they knew, Colm O'Driscoll was here... Looking to John, the severity of his expression spoke for him, but John didn't falter, he nodded immediately in response before they began to make their way back to their horses. How would he tell Dutch? He knew as soon as the other got even an _inkling _of Colm O'Driscoll he'd lose his mind, they were run out of Colorado by the law due to their competition and down right feud, it took a _lot _of convincing to get Dutch to drop it and it still wasn't soon enough, they had lost multiple new recruits in the process.

The ride was a tense silence, both of them worried for the future but as Arthur and John seemed to glance over to one another at the same time, the stress in the air somewhat dissipated. At least they finally had each other again... Looking forward once more, Arthur took a breath, reminding himself not to panic and shut down, he couldn't push John away again.

Their temporary camp wasn't longer than a five minute ride from the suspected enemy, which only solidified Arthur's decision to leave. Upon walking in to the shack, they wasted no time in beginning to pack up their belongings and once Arthur's bag was packed up he straightened himself back up and turned to look at John, who had just finishing rolling up his own arrangements. When he looked back to Arthur, once again there was a moment of silence, it wasn't awkward... But it was a little somber.

Now it was time to go back to their lives and pretend that none of this had happened... John would become a father and Arthur would keep as far away from that as possible. Just the thought made Arthur's stomach turn but he had comfort in knowing that they had _this _when they were alone together. Taking a breath, Arthur exhaled the pain before approaching John, who kept his gaze locked on the man walking toward him.

When Arthur got close, his hands instinctively rose to bring John close by his waist, and John responded by leisurely wrapping his arms around Arthur's neck. However, as Arthur began to walk forward, leading John back, he looked up at Arthur with some confusion, once John's back came in contact with the wall, Arthur's lips found their way to his neck.

Reminding himself he had to be careful now that they were going home, it didn't stop Arthur from having fun. John flinched as he felt the small bolt of pleasure run down his neck at the touch of Arthur's lips, he shivered slightly and gulped quietly. John hated how much Arthur knew his body, he always kissed the specific places on his neck that gave John the most primal reactions. Arthur's teeth soon nipped at the tendon between John's neck and shoulder, careful not to bruise him but firm enough for him to feel it.

Hearing a small trembling sigh, Arthur felt a wave of arousal sweep over him and once more reminded himself that if he wanted some, _now _was the time. His knee came forward to gently urge John's legs apart and hopefully spell out what he wanted. A blush rose to the dark haired man's cheeks as a warm budding sensation began to blossom deep within him. How in the hell they were able to go all day and still be ready to go again now would never cease to amaze John but he wasn't even going to pretend to be upset about it.

"A-Ah... Arthur..." John huffed softly, feeling one of Arthur's hands sliding down and gripping a fistful of his ass and guiding one of John's legs up around his hips.

It actually kind of interested Arthur with the different emotions he felt being in different positions as both a dominant partner and a submissive partner, but as soon as thoughts of Dutch surfaced what were chased away. This wasn't about Dutch... Or even Arthur, it was about _them_. John didn't fight Arthur's hand and leaned his head away so that Arthur had more room to do as he pleased.

Taking a step forward, Arthur ground his hips against John's, finally starting this sexual confrontation. John's nails clawed into Arthur's back and he felt his member already start to pulse with want as he felt Arthur's body firmly against his own. Pushing Arthur's head away from his neck, John's fingers focused on getting Arthur's belt unbuckled, only making him grin with what could only be described as satisfaction, though as John worked Arthur's lips quickly crashed into John's and their tongues were quick to tango as they always had.

Feeling the belt slip out of it's frame John didn't hesitate in unzipping Arthur's pants and diving his hand down into them and wasn't disappointed to find that Arthur was nearly as hard as he was. Arthur tensed and flinched when he felt John's digits firmly wrap around his shaft, and as they started to travel down Arthur grunted before he pulled his lips away, the teasing smirk on his replaced with pleasurable restraint. Finally feeling John's fingertips graze over the head of his manhood Arthur's head actually doubled over, resting his forehead against John's shoulder before a small groan forced itself out.

John's hold on him was solid but not quite hard enough to hurt which provided excellent stimulation with how slow John's hand traveled to the tip. John could feel Arthur's grasp tremble some on his body but as Arthur pulled his head back, the look in his eyes had shifted dramatically. They were daring John to defy him.

"Turn around." He ordered, releasing John's leg.

Arching his brows at the tone change, John's heart sped up with ready anticipation and he did as he was told, facing the wall and bracing himself by resting his palms against it as he bent over. Reaching forward, Arthur roughly took hold of John's hips and yanked him back a bit to grind his, by this point, throbbing member against John's clothed ass, just to give him a taste of what was going to come.

Biting his lip, John hummed softly in approval, spreading his legs just a bit further to give Arthur better access. Smirking at John's compliance Arthur continued rubbing himself against John until it became unbearable and he needed more.

"Take 'em off." He commanded, letting John go just long enough for him to free his manhood.

Swallowing harshly, John quickly straightened his back and finally unbuckled his pants, needing relief as well before pushing his pants off his hips and down around his knees before he re-assumed his position. Good enough. Arthur stepped back up to John, one hand replaced itself on John's hip while the other took a hold of his shaft and aiming it towards John. The hand that was against John's hip soon traveled down, massaging one of the offered cheeks in his palm greedily before he started to rub himself against John's entrance. He inhaled sharply at the slight jolt at his backside but he relaxed right after and actually leaned back a little to encourage Arthur forward, noticing this, Arthur released a rich chuckle telling John he was in for some trouble, which only excited him further.

"Look at you..." Arthur purred as he spread his precum over John's hole, only making John shudder with it's sensitivity. "My god..." He sighed in appreciation with how fucking sexy John looked exposed ready for him.

Normally, John would have said something sarcastic in response but he found he enjoyed how Arthur was speaking to him... He didn't like being degraded but... Arthur _wasn't _degrading him, for once he actually took Arthur's compliments as they came.

"S-Speak for yourself..." John managed to stammer.

Continuing his torture, Arthur actually began to press forward but before he slipped inside he would loosen his grip on his shaft, making John's puckered walls force him out right before they gave in, and he continued this, bobbing in and out of John for the longest time and feeling John squirm beneath him. While they couldn't stay another night here, Arthur would take his time fucking John, he was a four course meal to be savored not a quick bite to scarf down, though Arthur would indeed do that another time.

"Fucking Christ, Arthur!" John groaned, feeling his cock flex nearly every time Arthur _almost _slid inside, it was becoming intolerable. "S-Stop teasing me..."

"Oh?" Arthur inquired before shrugging. "Alright then." He mused.

Without warning, Arthur lined himself up with John before taking a strong hold of John's hips and slamming himself as deep as their bodies would allow. Gasping loudly, John cried out before a hand reached down to cup over his mouth since they had some undesirables close by. Arthur thought he would bruise John's haunches with how tightly he was holding him, the intense pleasure that had rushed him almost overwhelming him for a moment.

He wanted to feel John's body reacting against him, he wanted to feel John's orgasm coming. Reaching forward, Arthur pulled John back against his chest and wrapped his arms around him to hold him there before his lips ghosted against John's neck.

"... Like that..?" Arthur whispered.

John released small gasps of breath as he registered what was happening, Arthur's words echoed in his mind over and over again. He was certain that right then he would do whatever he could to keep Arthur from stopping... Even if he had to give in.

"... Fuck yes." John huffed before turning his head slightly towards Arthur.

"How much do you want it?" He questioned, loving how well John was reacting to this.

"I-I... Don't want it..." John mumbled, momentarily catching Arthur off guard. "... I fucken _need _it." He nearly whined.

Arthur felt his heart thunder in his chest, deciding that John had suffered enough for the moment, keeping him close, Arthur's hips began to move. One hand fastened to one of John's hips while the other rested up against his chest to keep him balanced and pressed against him and while he wasn't able to thrust as hard in this position, he was able to get just as deep... John's eyes fluttered shut as he leaned his head back against one of Arthur's shoulders while he was fucked, his hands found themselves resting against his partners.

"How does it feel?" Arthur asked as he continued thrusting, making John moan in response. "What as that?" He inquired, smirking.

"A-Ah! F-Fuck... A-Arthur..." John panted, doing what he could to reply but came up short.

"Come on, darlin', come on..." Arthur encouraged, teasing John further.

"F-Fuck you..."

"I believe it's the other way around sweetheart."

John _hated _how fucking smug Arthur got when he was fucking, but it was also so charming John wouldn't change it for the world no matter how much he fought against it. Tasting blood when John sunk his teeth into his lip, he felt sweat forming at his brow and at his back against Arthur.

"Holy shit... Y-You feel so fucken good Arthur... Y-You-ah!" John was cut off when he felt Arthur's dick graze just the right spots deep within him.

"That's right... Keep goin'..." Arthur hummed in appreciation.

"Y-You're the only man to make me cum..." John whimpered so needily that Arthur almost thought he would crumble as he took a very territorial sense of pride in knowing he was the only person to see John like this.

Arthur couldn't will himself to instigate John anymore, hearing John want him so badly had Arthur almost tipping over the edge but he planned to really go at John before allowing himself off that delicate brink. John's chest rose and fell rapidly as Arthur held him tightly and drove himself into John wildly. He was so in love with him... Arthur knew he couldn't love anyone more.

"O-Oh fuck! A-Arthur! I-I'm gonna cum... Fucking cum inside me!" He pleaded.

That was music to Arthur's ears, he knew only divine intervention could stop this now... He was so close, with one last powerful thrust inside John, he felt the man in front of him go rigid and arch his back, they always came together, it was like one always set off the other. John's pleasure filled sounds of ecstasy bounced off the walls in the shed, his knees nearly buckled but with Arthur's arms securely around him he managed to hold himself up as he felt Arthur's seed gush inside him.

Arthur gently nuzzled into John's hair as he came down, inhaling his sweet scent and relishing it as much as he could before he had to give it up once more. Finally letting go of John, his smaller partner reached out to steady himself on the wall as he had done before so that Arthur could pull out. He had to force himself to look away as he watched his load roll down John's leg, knowing that if he stared for too long he'd get an erection again...

After Arthur turned away to tuck himself away and just to give John a little bit of privacy while he reached into one of his pockets, soiling his handkerchief for once in stead of Arthur's, who turned back to him just as he had pulled his pants back up around his hips. As he buckled them, Arthur's arms gently wrapped around him from behind, warming his heart and making him smile.

"Thanks." Arthur muttered.

"For?" John asked, turning his head over to Arthur and pecking his slightly bearded cheek while he continued working on his clothes, once he was finished, his hands resumed their place upon the ones that sweetly rested against his stomach currently, when Arthur shrugged John snickered tiredly. "You act like this is an inconvenience for me."

"With how ornery you get sometimes, I forget." Arthur chuckled in reply before John slowly turned around in his arms, he looked exhausted.

"... I wouldn't let you stick your dick up my ass as a favor." John mentioned bluntly and watching with pride in his own eyes for once as a pink hue spread across Arthur's cheeks.

"Point taken..." Arthur mused before leaning in and gently pressing his lips against John's, kissing him slowly and intimately.

Arthur held John close against him, never wanting to let him go but as Arthur pulled back he sighed softly, resting his forehead against John's while he convinced himself that it was time to return... He just kept telling himself that this wasn't over between them... It had just begun.

> Funny how a blessing feels just like a curse  
Bad love hurts, but somehow good love hurts me worse  
'Cause lately I'm mistaking honey for the bees  
Having trouble sleeping with you next to me
> 
> I sink in you like water  
Pray you won't pull me under  
One look and I die  
Heaven in your eyes  
Held hard in the white light  
I dive in you like water  
I sink like a stone
> 
> Stone in your water  
Stone in your water
> 
> Tell the truth, you know you can not keep me safe  
There's more pain in love than we can find in hate  
Lately I've been keeping honey from the bees  
So if you ever leave, at least it's bittersweet
> 
> I sink in you like water  
Pray you won't pull me under  
One look and I die  
Heaven in your eyes  
Held hard in the white light  
I dive in you like water  
I sink like a stone
> 
> Stone in your water  
Stone in your water  
Stone in your water  
Stone in your water
> 
> Be gentle with me  
Have patience with me, Oh  
'Cause I've been in the corner of my mind that tells me  
I'm not good enough for anybody like you  
Help me out, you know I need you like water
> 
> Stone in your water  
Stone in your water  
Stone in your water  
Stone in your water
> 
> source: [Water by Bishop Briggs](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qNSHjWg79lc)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, sorry this chapter has taken a bit longer but I'm just gonna come out and say it, my grandfather died on Saturday (not due to the COVID-19 crisis) and it has been very, very rough. I have traveled across the country to see him take his final breaths and now I am traveling across the country once more to bury him tomorrow. I'm going to be very exhausted both physically and emotionally (I already am tbh).  
Before anyone asks, yes I am taking care of myself (you guys are literally so fucking sweet btw) and just taking one day at a time. I'm not 100% sure when I will post the next chapter, I've just been kinda writing when I feel able, couple hundred words here and there so it's coming, just a bit slower lol. I don't expect it taking longer than a week or so but I'm not promising anything due to my own grieving process, just be assure this fic will continue lmao. Also I promise I've seen your comments and I love all of them, I know I haven't been great about responding but I do read every one of them!!! Thank you all for your kind words.  
Okay now with the sad stuff out of the way lol I hope you are all satisfied with the fluff and smut the bois desperately needed. Plot will continue in the next chapter, sorry once more for the long notice lol thanks guys.  
-Eros


	28. Chapter 28

It took Arthur and John not longer than twenty minutes to get the horses packed up and ready to go and while they rode Arthur kept thinking of ways to tell Dutch that Colm O'Driscoll was in the area. He knew Dutch would flip his lid, and he was in no condition to fight... Maybe he would tell Hosea first and get his opinion on how to break this to their leader, at least now Arthur and John had an excuse for why they were gone and while Arthur wanted to feel bad about it he couldn't in his heart, he would have stayed in that shed forever with John if he could have.

The ride was over sooner rather than later and as they pulled up to camp, Arthur could see Hosea reading by the fire pit. Once dismounted, Arthur looked over to John and when their eyes met, there was a fluttering deep in Arthur's heart but he cleared his throat, reminding himself they needed to keep this on the down-low now that they were home.

"You mind taking the deer over to Pearson? I'm gonna have a word with Hosea." Arthur mentioned, but John shook his head.

"Nah go on, you got a lot to talk about." John mused understandably before reaching into Gypsy's saddlebags and starting to unload the meat.

As Arthur began to approach Hosea, his ocean eyes scanned around for Dutch and while he was wanting Dutch to heal, he was almost glad he still seemed to be under Ivy's care. When Hosea glanced up, he arched a slightly critical brow up at Arthur before he gently closed his book and folded his arms, looking to Arthur expectantly.

"I-I know we shouldn't've disappeared like that-"

"Especially with Dutch incapacitated." Hosea added, slightly narrowing his eyes, making Arthur sigh.

"I know... I'm sorry but trust me you're gonna wanna hear this..." Arthur said gravely, piquing Hosea's interest. "Is Dutch here?" He murmured quieter.

"No, he's still at that woman's estate, why?" Hosea inquired.

"... Because John and I found a camp a ways from here and they were talkin' about Colm O'Driscoll." He stated, watching Hosea's expression harden.

"... You're sure?"

"I don't think it could have been more clearer." Arthur sighed before he folded his arms. "... How do we tell Dutch?" He then asked.

"... I say we don't." Hosea stated, somewhat surprising Arthur since it wasn't like Hosea to keep away important information from Dutch.

"You sure? If he finds out-"

"And if we tell him we won't be able to stop any stupid actions he does... Just... While he's healing, I say we just keep an eye out, and if there's something we can't ignore then... We'll cross that bridge then." He sighed, reaching up to gently pinch the bridge of his nose in frustration.

Dutch was a good and capable leader, he had a heart of gold but when it came to Colm O'Driscoll all bets were off and all rationality was out the window. There was no telling what Dutch would do to get to Colm and with his lung injury, Arthur couldn't handle another scare or worse... Dutch had promised he wouldn't throw his life away stupidly but Arthur still had his doubts.

"You're... Probably right, I'll go let John know to keep it to himself." Arthur replied before recalling the other conversation. "I think the Raven's have been targeting the stagecoaches in the area too, I'm pretty sure that's who we was listenin' to." He added, watching Hosea nod.

"I'm going to go see Dutch again today, you and John should come so we can discuss how we're going to go about this plan from here on out if it's even viable." Hosea replied, Arthur's heart clenched at the thought of seeing Dutch after what he had just done with John but he nodded regardless.

John had just finished unloading his horse when he saw Arthur approaching, his gaze softened and he realized how much lighter the air was between them now. There was no more tension, however, he managed to hold back the smile that threatened to surface at seeing his partner. He couldn't be _too _happy to see him after all...

"Hey, what did Hosea say?"

"That... We should keep this to ourselves for now." Arthur replied somewhat uneasily shoving his hands in his pockets as he looked around for any listeners, John frowned.

"... You sure that's a good idea?" John asked nervously and Arthur couldn't help but chuckle softly, and once he was certain they were out of immediate earshot of anyone, Arthur took one more step closer to John.

"... I love you for that question, but unfortunately, I think Hosea is right." he sighed, reaching up and slicked his hair back while John tried to ignore the throbbing in his heart at Arthur's sweet statement. "He wants us to go see Dutch and talk about what we're gonna do about the Raven's." He explained, but John frowned slightly before rubbing the back of his neck.

"I-I actually want to but... I should probably talk to Abigail." John muttered softly, making Arthur's breathing hitch as he remembered that they were back in reality once more.

"... Yeah, you're right." Arthur muttered and nodded before his eyes turned to the floor.

As John looked up to Arthur again, seeing the mournful hue come over his ocean eyes John's heart broke all over again... And now he couldn't even embrace Arthur to comfort him. Taking a breath, Arthur blinked and looked back over toward Hosea who was looking at the both of them expectantly as he geared up Silver Dollar.

"... I'll uh... I'll cover for you, don't worry about it." Arthur finally said, breaking the horrible silence that had taken over before he could finally look up to meet John's eyes.

"Thanks..." John replied apologetically.

Knowing he needed to go before he did something stupid, Arthur nodded before forcing himself to turn away and begin to walk back towards Hosea while John walked in the opposite direction. Hosea arched a brow as Arthur came over and mounted The Admiral.

"John coming?"

"He's got some things he needs to do for Grimshaw." Arthur replied, watching Hosea snicker softly.

"I won't ask."

"It's best that you don't."

* * *

John turned back and watched as Hosea and Arthur disappeared into the trees to go see Dutch... All he could feel was the thundering in his heart as he turned to near Abigail's tent. He stood outside for a few moments as he thought about what he was going to say. Could he really do this? Slowly taking a breath, when he finally exhaled, John ducked into the tent and when he looked up again he saw Abigail folding laundry on her cot.

When she looked up there was a moment of silence, she looked about just as shocked as he did... But she carefully placed the towel aside and gave John her full attention as he walked toward her and sat beside her.

"... Hey." She greeted quietly.

"Hey." John replied just as softly.

As John looked over to Abigail, he could see her nervous she was and he felt like a selfish prick for keeping her in suspense for days while he and Arthur had sex and played make-believe. Gulping, John reached over and took her hand, squeezing it gently.

"I-I'm sorry for disappearing like I did... It was wrong." He apologized, looking over to gauge Abigail's reactions and was relieved to see her calm.

"I sure as hell wasn't happy about it." She scoffed but as she looked down at their hands, she squeezed his once again as she watched John flinch slightly. "... But I understood, I've known for a while." She confessed with a small frown.

"You did?"

"Yeah... I-I just... I kept chickening out whenever I went to say something." She murmured and cleared her throat as she thought of Arthur. "... I had to remind myself that I was already used to the idea of being pregnant." She explained before she shrugged and looked away.

"... Y-You're sure that-..." John stammered but stopped as he recalled Arthur's advice.

_John if she tells you the child is yours, you gotta believe her..._

"Yes." Abigail stated seriously, her eyes telling John not to press the subject and despite the nagging in the back of his mind that her child wasn't his... It wasn't up to him to decide.

"... I believe you." John affirmed.

"Do you?" Abigail inquired, her eyes pointing like daggers at him.

"Yes... Yes, I promise." John vowed, watching relief overcome Abigail's features.

"So... What do you want to do?" She then asked, her expression timid.

John knew that actions spoke louder than words, he could tell her that he would raise their child together with her but he slowly stood up and gently tugged her up until she was standing. He then wrapped his arms around Abigail's waist and without any more hesitation, he leaned in and pressed his lips firmly against hers. She gasped quietly in surprise but melted into his gesture, slithering her arms around his neck and holding him tightly despite the tears rolling down her cheeks. When John pulled back he couldn't help but snicker softly as he reached up and gently wiped her tears away and watching her slap his hand.

"Goddamn you and my hormones." She scoffed before turning away and wiping her eyes before John wrapped his arms around her waist from behind once more and hugging her close to him. "A-Are you sure that..." She murmured, trailing off before sighing and turning around to meet John 's gaze. "... J-Just don't start somethin' you can't finish... That's all." She explained; and while John wasn't sure why he said it this way, his heart echoed in his chest as he spoke.

"I could never quit you." He mused, and finally seeing Abigail smile up at him she jumped into his arms.

John held Abigail close to him and felt his heart warm despite the panic he was feeling... Maybe they really could do it after all? Reaching up he ran a hand through her hair and buried his face into her neck.

* * *

The doors to Ivy Winter's estate opened without warning as Arthur and Hosea arrived. Arthur still felt eyes on him as they walked inside but he kept his mouth shut and his mind focused on Dutch, though he soon regretted that. He reminded himself that Dutch was the one who opted for nothing serious... Arthur didn't owe him anything... Right?

Clearing his throat as a butler led the two outlaws toward Dutch's room, Arthur made sure to stay by Hosea. Upon opening the door, Arthur was pleasantly surprised to see that Dutch was actually sitting at the edge of the bed, dressed in casual slacks as well as a loosely fitted white button-down shirt, currently, a nurse was checking the wound.

"Arthur, Hosea." Dutch greeted pleasantly with a grin.

"Dutch, you're up?" Arthur inquired as they approached the bed.

"Sure am, I can't walk far but I'm feeling more alive than ever." He joked, reaching down to button his shirt back up once the nurse had finished examining it and he nodded gratefully in response before focusing back on his closest friends. "Please tell me you're here to spring me."

"Not yet." Hosea chuckled softly as Dutch groaned somewhat dramatically. "It surely can't be that terrible here with all the servants at your service." He teased.

"It is, I can't smoke the expensive cigars or drink the expensive liquor what kind of life is this?" Dutch asked, watching Arthur smile and roll his eyes playfully at Dutch's antics. "If you're not here to rescue me, surely you have a reason for coming to visit little ol' me."

"We do, actually." Arthur replied as he walked over to Dutch's bedside and sat next to him. "John and I found some information on the Raven's." He said, watching Dutch arch a curious brow.

"Oh? Is that so? Don't keep it to yourself now." Dutch replied.

"Well, when me and John were huntin' we came upon a camp and they were talking about how they've been focusing more on stagecoaches lately, and they're run by someone named Everett." Arthur explained.

"Hm... We could actually steal a stagecoach and let them think they're robbin' the fools they usually do, only this time they're messin' with the wrong people." Dutch said.

"Are we sure that's the best idea?" Hosea asked.

"Well the Chief of Police is dead, the last thing they're gonna worry about is a stagecoach going missing, they didn't care about them getting robbed to begin with anyway." Arthur explained, watching Hosea think and eventually shrug his shoulders.

"You're not wrong there... Besides as long as we're not in the vicinity of the city it shouldn't be difficult either, who should we send to do it?" Hosea asked.

"I'm sure I could get John to help me." Arthur volunteered, catching Dutch's slightly proud gaze.

"Oh really?" He asked.

"Yeah, we... Did good while we were hunting." Arthur muttered, gulping subtly as Dutch nodded.

"Good for you, I know everything will go smooth as long as you're there." He mused, his compliment not going unnoticed by Arthur but he scoffed and shook his head.

"That's not true and you know it." He chuckled before looking over back to Dutch.

The trio continued discussing the plan at length while Arthur continued to try and focus on the conversation at hand. He couldn't risk fucking up a second job especially if he was going to be working with John. Just the thought of John made Arthur's heart throb and his palms sweat. After about two hours the plan for phase one was complete, Arthur and John would secure them a carriage while Hosea and Javier spread the word of the fake lootthat the carriage contained. When they were attacked, Arthur and John would be given back up, but now with Dutch out of commission, it would be much more difficult. In total they only had seven _mostly _capable guns including Dutch and going against a group of twenty, while doable was not exactly the safest plan.

"So, I know no one wants to admit it but... I think we're going to need more manpower for this." Arthur then stated, watching both Dutch and Hosea glance over to him and then each other.

Javier had been a pretty priceless since he had joined them, the most useful person they had picked up in a few years in fact. With that in mind, Arthur wasn't exactly expecting much substance in whoever they found, if they wanted to they could hire some mercenaries but that was the worst-case scenario. They didn't want to share their profits with more people than necessary especially with people they didn't know, they already had enough issues.

"Well, Javier and I can scout around for some prospects while we're gossiping like hens in town." Hosea offered.

"Of course, I trust you brother." Dutch granted, nodding before turning his attention back to Arthur. "You sure you don't mind getting the carriage?"

"Please, Dutch. If John and I can't secure a carriage we have bigger problems." Arthur chuckled, giving Dutch some obviously much-needed relief.

As Arthur spoke with Dutch and looked at him, his anxiety about the other's health slowly began to dissipate. He didn't want to make it noticeable but he had been stressed about Dutch ever since he had awoken. Even after just a few days, he was looking much more like his old self, however as he went to stand, he winced as a hand came up to hover over his wound. Arthur was quick to get up and rest a hand on Dutch's shoulder to guide him back down.

"Not yet partner..." Arthur sighed a tad more affectionately than he meant to let on, thankfully it was just Hosea in the room and their relationship as a trio had been ingrained deep in them most of their lives, it wasn't completely uncommon for Arthur to let his guard down around them but he cleared his throat anyway to recover.

"Why don't I go get you something to drink?" Hosea offered.

"There are servants for that." Arthur commented simply and smirking as he watched Hosea slightly recoil in disgust.

In truth Arthur didn't blame the old man, he hated relying on people for simple things in life. In reply, Hosea got up and left the room to get Dutch some _water _to his discontent, he could really use a stiff drink. However, after the door shut behind Hosea, Dutch glanced over to the hand that still remained on his shoulder before looking up to Arthur's visage whose eyes were locked on the door.

"... I can do it, Arthur." Dutch finally scoffed with a small amused smile as Arthur finally looked back to him and taking his hand away.

"Yeah well... For me?" Arthur asked, a reluctant blush tinting his cheeks as he folded his arms as he slightly glared down at Dutch.

Despite the slightly threatening stance, Dutch could still see the worry and guilt behind Arthur's eyes, he sighed in exasperation before he slowly pushed himself back up, not hurting himself this time around as he stood in front of Arthur who glanced away. Though as he felt two secure hands settle on his hips, Arthur's breathing hitched. All of the guilt that had evaded him before had suddenly smacked him in the face and he _almost _stepped away from Dutch... But he didn't, he couldn't... He was too weak, _Dutch_ made him weak.

"W-We shouldn't-"

Without hesitation, Dutch leaned in and pressed his lips firmly against Arthur's, completely voiding whatever Arthur was planning to say as he gave in to the kiss. His arms found their way up and around Dutch's neck, one hand surfing into the other's ebony mane, taking secret enjoyment how his curly locks wrapped around his fingers as he grasped onto it. The kiss was short-lived but when Dutch pulled back, Arthur stared at him incredulously and watching Dutch chuckle softly at him knowing he probably looked like a startled animal.

"You don't have to worry, Arthur..." Dutch then said, making Arthur huff before pulling himself away from the injured man.

"Watch me..." He scoffed before slightly glaring at black-haired man, knowing Dutch loved to distract him, however, Dutch took another step forward, a familiar glint in his black hues.

"... You disobeyin' an order, Arthur?" He asked with a small smirk.

"Was that an order?"

For a moment the two stood there less than two feet from another just glaring each other down, Arthur hated how much Dutch seemed to turn him on in the most inopportune times, John had the same talent.

_Shit._

Arthur's heart clenched as he thought of John beneath him... Loving him.

_I was almost hoping I'd push you to someone else._

... But John _did _push him to someone else.

Arthur actually thanked God when Hosea walked back into the room and was pleasantly surprised to see Dutch standing as he turned over to face silver-haired man. Arthur toned out all of the going back-and-forths between them, Arthur loved wisecracks as much as anyone but right now he was too busy hating himself.

"Arthur!" Hosea barked, startling Arthur for real this time, making him jump slightly before looking back over. "You listenin'?"

"Nope."

"I was tellin' you to go grab John, the sooner you two get that stagecoach the quicker you two snatch it, the quicker we can get this show on the road." Hosea explained somewhat impatiently the second time around, forcing a nervous smile from Arthur.

"Give him a break, Hosea." Dutch chortled softly. "He's been workin' hard..." He added, looking back to Arthur with that same carnal sheen in his eyes which was what ultimately made Arthur turn around and leave.

* * *

John laid in his tent with Abigail tangled up in his arms, gently running his fingers through her hair as she slept. They had just spent a lot of energy after all and she was already exhausted... But as John looked over to her sleeping expression, the way her black hair gently clung to her face and the way their naked bodies felt so amazing pressed against one another... There was no doubt in John's mind that he loved Abigail as he gazed at her.

However, the guilt and uncertainty in John's heart made all of this so much harder. He knew cheating on Abigail with Arthur was wrong, even if he was a man (especially because he was a man), but he couldn't deny how he felt about Arthur in his heart and he knew that no matter how hard he tried he wouldn't be able to stay away... This suddenly all got so much more complicated.

Groaning quietly, John reached up and ran a hand over his face before carefully unraveling Abigail's arms from around him. He couldn't lay her looking at her sweet sleeping face knowing what an asshole he was. When he walked out dressed again, he nearly jumped out of his skin as he saw Susan standing there with her iron glare on him as always.

"H-How long have you been here?"

"... You going to do the right thing, John Marston?" Susan replied, ignoring John's question, she had seen Abigail giddily follow John into his tent, and knowing she was pregnant Susan couldn't help but question a young man's motives with an emotionally vulnerable woman whether he was the father of her child... Or not.

"What do you mean?"

"You know what I mean."

John paused as he swallowed harshly, he didn't appreciate getting the third degree especially when he was already self-loathing pretty hard... But knowing that Miss Grimshaw was the last person to drop things before they were settled, John took a breath before nodding.

"I plan to." He stated.

"You _plan_ to?" Susan inquired, arching a critical brow.

"Yes... I-I know I'm not gonna be good at it already but... I wanna try." John mumbled, glancing away as a fluttering in his chest distracted him, Susan seemed to stare at him for a good long hard couple of seconds but eventually, her eyes softened.

"... John, you don't gotta be good." She scoffed softly as she shook her head. "... You just gotta try, as long as you try that's all that matters." She said before a small smile made it's way to her face, John nearly deflated with the relief that washed over him seeing as Susan wouldn't be serving his hide for dinner, but the soft rhythmic hoof patterns from afar caught his attention.

"Whose there?" Bill called.

"Arthur dumbass!" Arthur announced crassly as he and The Admiral appeared from the trees, making John's eyes light up before he nearly brushed past Susan without a second thought, her shocked gaze following his form as he retreated toward Arthur.

"Hey." he greeted as casually as he could while Arthur climbed down from The Admiral.

Hearing John's voice almost made Arthur's soul _shatter, _but as he turned around and met his gaze, it was almost as if John's joy in seeing him washed over to Arthur... Because all the self-hatred, guilt, and shame seemed to disappear and a small smile made it's way to Arthur's lips.

"Hey." Arthur replied just as casually, but John smiled in return.

If John was being honest, he wanted to tackle Arthur to the ground like a happy dog, but he managed to keep his composure. Though now, as Arthur looked around to all the people casually going about their lives in camp, all Arthur could think about was getting John alone.

"Got orders from Dutch and Hosea... Seems you and I are goin' after a stagecoach." He relayed, watching John visibly try not to get excited which was cuter than Arthur was comfortable with.

"We moving out now or..?"

Arthur wasn't sure what quite came over him, but glancing around once more and determining that he and John were far enough away from any prying ears he spoke again, his tone slightly richer with more amusement to just _slightly_ tease John.

"John if I didn't know any better I'd say you were excited." He mused, watching with satisfaction as John's face lit up crimson once more.

"Shut up." John scoffed before turning away so he could venture to his tent and gather the things he'd need to go on his little mission with Arthur.

Disappearing into his tent, John's movements faltered slightly as the sight of Abigail still asleep in his bed etched itself in his mind... But he knew if it wasn't enough to stop him now it never would be. He sighed softly before walking forward and leaning over her for a moment to gently press his lips to her temple.

_... I'm sorry._

Blinking, John turned away and grabbed his overnight bag before disappearing out once again to be with his better half.

> When, when we came home  
Worn to the bones  
I told myself, "This could get rough."
> 
> And when, when I was off,  
Which happened a lot  
You came to me and said, "That's enough."
> 
> Oh, I know that this love is pain  
But we can't cut it from out these veins,  
No
> 
> So I'll get the lights and you lock the doors  
We ain't leaving this room 'til we both feel more  
Don't walk away, don't roll your eyes  
They say love is pain. Well, darling, let's hurt tonight
> 
> When, when you came home  
Worn to the bones  
I told myself, "This could be rough."
> 
> Oh, I know you feel insane  
Tell me something that I can explain,  
Oh
> 
> I'll get the lights and you lock the doors  
Tell me all of the things that you couldn't before  
Don't walk away, don't roll your eyes  
They say love is pain. Well, darling, let's hurt tonight  
If this love is pain then, darling, let's hurt, oh, tonight
> 
> So you get the lights and I'll lock the doors  
Let's say all of the things that we couldn't before  
Won't walk away, won't roll my eyes  
They say love is pain. Well, darling, let's hurt tonight  
If this love is pain, then, honey, let's love tonight
> 
> source: [Let's Hurt Tonight by OneRepublic](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D8C5M3_Uaqk)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Hopefully, this will be the last long obnoxious note at the bottom of these, just letting everyone know I am back at home after many, MANY hours of exhausting travel (like 55 hours since I've been gone lmao). I'm doing better and am processing easier after the funeral and don't want anyone worrying lol. I apologize that this chapter is a little bit shorter but as I'm getting back into my routine things should return to normal relatively soon.  
I'm still not gonna promise on when I'm gonna post yet just because I'm still trying to recover from the exhaustion and need some time to decompress too, but thanks everyone so much for your support and kind words of encouragement! I hope these couple of chapters have been worth the wait.  
-Eros


	29. Chapter 29

Once Arthur slipped his hat on, he and John couldn't get out of camp fast enough, it was true that they were on crunched time but what was more important was getting away from nosey people. When they were somewhat secluded, Arthur pulled out his map and carefully analyzed it, trying to decide which way would be the best plan of attack as he tried to remember where the other camp was located. It took him a few minutes of intense focusing before he finally nodded and glanced over to john when a thought hit him, reaching into his bag, Arthur pulled out a worn folded piece of paper and holding it out to John.

"Here." He offered, seeing John slightly arch his brows in reply.

"Oh, I didn't even realize I lost it." He stated as he reached out and to take it from Arthur, watching their hands brush gently but as he went to pull it back, Arthur's hold on the parchment strengthened, preventing him from doing so, when he looked back up to Arthur he noted a small smile.

"... It's how I found you, ya know." He mused before releasing the paper and allowing John to take it.

"Really?" John inquired, tilting his head somewhat as he looked down to the map.

"Yeah... I just happened to see it on the side of the road... Careful next time, boy." Arthur teased with a small grin as he saw John's face scrunch up momentarily but he soon reined in his original and obviously hostile response, slightly surprising Arthur as he took a breath.

"... Or what?" John simply asked, finally catching Arthur off guard with the subtle amorous undertone.

"... I'm not gonna dignify that with a response or we'll never get on with this." He finally chuckled before he sent a small wink to John and nodded forward. "Follow me."

Smirking when Arthur turned away to lead, John did as he was told and kept close by Arthur as they went up a different way to the mountains, they didn't want to risk getting intercepted after all but this other road that Arthur had chose seemed to be major enough that he was confident in finding something. In truth Arthur wasn't sure how long this was going to take, hours, maybe even days before they found the right carriage to snatch but Arthur wasn't about to complain. Any time he got with John by themselves he planned to relish it as much as he could.

Arthur picked a small ridge that overlooked the fork in the road that he had figured to be their best option, and they were still hidden by the forest. The only con to this plan was that he wasn't sure they could make a fire at night since they didn't want to draw attention to themselves from the road... With the weather taking a turn for the worst, Arthur only hoped John had a warm coat.

"Here's good." He mentioned simply before he slipped off of The Admiral, reaching up and patting the beast's neck, before surfing into the bag to pull out the blanket he and John used the night previous knowing they'd need it after dark.

John dismounted Gypsy and replicated Arthur's movements, already feeling a chill up his spine and pulling out his heavy jacket. After slipping it over his shoulders John turned to see Arthur with the blanket and almost blushed as he recalled how Arthur had laid atop him beneath the fabric. However, he regained his focus quickly and pulled out the pelts he had packed too, knowing they'd need all the protection they could get from the frost. When Arthur looked up into the sky he guessed they had only about an hour so or left of daylight before looking to his watch and assuming he was accurate.

The days were shorter now and Arthur could already feel fatigue wearing on him despite the rather great sleep he had gotten with John. Perhaps he was already spoiled... Reaching up, Arthur rubbed his eyes gently before finally glancing back to John who had started approaching him.

"Tired still?" He chuckled softly, watching Arthur smile lazily.

"Well, I _was_ occupied earlier today." He purred before his gaze darted around, their protection seemed adequate enough for Arthur to feel comfortable embracing John, so he made sure to.

Bringing the smaller man closer to him, John gave in just as quickly as Arthur had advanced on him and already he felt the guilt and stress from leaving Abigail start to dissipate when he was in Arthur's presence. He simply just couldn't be upset in his company anymore and John wasn't sure whether to be alarmed by that or not.

"That you were..." John replied before leaning up and pecking Arthur's lips.

"As much as I want to..." Arthur then trailed off softly as a hand that was positioned on John's hip slowly began to slide down, he cleared his throat. "We need to pay attention to the road... Did you want me to take the first watch?" He asked, though despite his words he pulled John up tightly against his body, not keen on letting him go quite yet.

"Nah, you seem pretty beat, I can do it." John assured, seeing some relief flood over Arthur's visage.

"Thanks..." He muttered before leaning in and kissing John a tad firmer, pushing his tongue past John's lips and kissing him like he goddamn meant it.

John gasped softly in pleasant surprise and replied fully, his cheeks growing rosy as he was slowly backed up against the trunk of a tree. As soon as Arthur's lips pulled away, both of them huffed softly in unison while they caught their breaths. John was still the most beautiful person Arthur had ever laid eyes on and he knew he was lucky he was to have this chance again, but as John suddenly seemed to chuckle up at him, he tilted his head in confusion.

"We need to pay attention to the road huh..?" He asked, actually seeing Arthur blush once more as he pulled himself off of John.

"It's your fault." He pouted slightly as he turned away to continue setting up their sleeping area while John laughed a bit harder.

When all was said and done, Arthur and John were backed up against a large boulder that was blocking their forms from the road behind them. They had shooed their horses a little further away from them to make it less obvious people were camping as well. Glancing upwards, Arthur watched as John walked towards him with the blanket Arthur had unpacked in his arms and finally plopping next to him as the sun set, he passed the fabric item over to Arthur so he could spread it over them knowing it would be a long night... Or couple of nights.

Nodding his thanks, Arthur unfurled the blanket before gently throwing it over the both of them seeing as mist was already billowing up from their lips. John made sure to scoot closer to Arthur, not giving a shit if he were obvious or not, he was already a bit chilly and once they were settled, Arthur could already feel sleep tugging at his senses. Groaning softly, Arthur reached up again to rub the exhaustion out of his eyes, John looked over and smiled some before he reached down and pulled out his knife as well as a whetstone so he could sharpen it.

"Why don't you get some sleep?" John asked as he slowly began to work on his reliable blade.

"I think I will... You sure you don't mind?" Arthur asked, seeing John shake his head and look over to him with actual contentment in his eyes, he felt relaxed.

"I'll wake you up if I feel there's something worth taking a look at." He affirmed, finally giving Arthur no more excuses to stay up.

Reaching up, he tipped his hat down over the bridge of his nose to cover his eyes and within just a couple of minutes, he was asleep, snoozing peacefully once he felt John's shoulder gently lean against his own.

* * *

When Arthur woke up, it was nearly pitch black outside, the only solace being John's lantern that he must have grabbed while Arthur was asleep, it was turned on low just to provide some kind of anchor point for their eyes. He could also feel a much harsher, more distinct cold. It must have dropped at least ten degrees since he had fallen asleep if not more, as he picked his head up and began to stretch, he shivered lightly, catching John's attention.

"Mornin'." He chuckled softly.

"What time is it?" Arthur yawned as he picked his arms up to roll his shoulders, though as he remembered John was next to him, he _smoothly_ wrapped an arm around John's shoulders as his arm came back down, slightly catching John by surprise.

"Uh... Dunno, I didn't check." The other murmured as he cleared his throat and leaned into the invite to cuddle for warmth.

With his free hand, Arthur reached into his satchel and pulled out his pocket watch, glancing at the time. It was just passed ten o'clock, though as John looked over his breathing hitched as he saw the familiar engraving in the watch, quickly turning his eyes away as he gulped. Arthur always made him feel so many things, he almost got overwhelmed.

"... This was the best gift anyone had ever given me." Arthur suddenly piped up as he looked down at the watch, seeing John look back over, he turned his head to meet the other's gaze and John wasn't prepared for the genuinely open and unguarded smile that graced Arthur's lips.

"... Really?" John asked.

"Well no." Arthur refuted but the smiled on his lips didn't fade. "It was the second." He added, only piquing John's interest.

"Oh yeah? And what was the first then?" He inquired, however, as Arthur began to lean in, John's heart fluttered... And just as their lips were about to connect Arthur stopped.

"... You."

John thought he would faint with the words that were coming out of Arthur's mouth, he wasn't expecting him to be so... Romantic? Certainly, that wasn't the right word for Arthur but right now he had John swooning. Carefully swinging his leg over, John adjusted his position so he was carefully straddling Arthur's lap... They would be warmer this way anyway.

"... Show off." He huffed as he felt Arthur pull his hips closer to his own.

"Too much for you Marston?" Arthur teased with a grin, but watching John shake his head he was slightly taken aback.

"A-Actually... I like it... A lot. I just hate the faces you make when you do it." John scoffed to Arthur's satisfaction.

"... Then maybe I should just show you how I feel." Arthur mused before leaning in, this time his lips honed in on John's neck, a little bit of toying with him wouldn't hurt after all.

John swallowed harshly before he leaned his head to the side as he always did, offering his neck to Arthur and shuddering softly as he felt his partner's teeth graze particularly sensitive areas. Scooting even closer, John's eyes fluttered shut and he reached up to run his gloved digits through Arthur's hair carefully.

"D-Dutch always said actions spoke louder than words after all..." John chortled softly, but at the mention of Dutch's name, Arthur's form tensed enough for John to feel it and he frowned. "Hey, you alright?"

_Shit._

What was he supposed to say? Thankfully before Arthur's cover was blown a slight _thudding_ in the distance caught his ears and he turned his head. Thank god, a distraction.

"Actually, I think we got somethin'..." He whispered, watching John quickly reach over to turn off his lantern and stand up before offering Arthur his hand.

Despite being slightly annoyed that their foreplay was interrupted, John was expecting it at some point. Both of them peeked from behind the boulder that was shielding them when they spotted just a couple of guards escorting a decent-sized carriage, counting three lanterns. It was difficult to tell how good the quality was from this far in the dark but he knew they weren't supposed to be too picky.

"What do you think?" John asked softly.

"... I think we put a shot in, see what the guards are made of, they're not gonna be able to tell where the bullets are coming from." Arthur said before he reached behind him, grabbing the long-ranged rifle that he had packed specifically for this trip.

As Arthur put the scope to his eye, John nearly held his breath but within seconds, Arthur had pulled the trigger and watched intensely. As the bang from the large caliber and the bullet whizzing through the air pierced the ground near one of the guard's horses, the animal spooked and reared up.

"We're gettin' shot at!" He yelled.

"Screw this! No one told us we'd be getting shot at!"

Arthur wasn't shocked to see the _guards_ suddenly beginning to high tail it away as the driver scrambled off the wagon, lantern in hand.

"I paid you two bastards get back here!" He yelled.

"Now John!" Arthur quickly hissed.

Whistling for their horses, both John and Arthur pulled their bandanas up over their faces and mounted the two steeds and beginning to gallop towards the stopped vehicle. The sound of their horses had the unsuspecting driver cowering and quickly backing up against the carriage as John pulled out his revolver, pointing it at the man while Arthur slipped off his horse.

"Sorry for the interruption, promise it won't be long... But this is ours now." Arthur growled as he pulled his double-barrel off The Admiral.

"W-What?" The man asked, flinching as Arthur turned and pointed the gun at him.

"What about that did you not understand?" Arthur snarled as he stormed toward the man who as standing in front of the carriage door.

"W-Wait please-"

Without hesitation, the butt of Arthur's gun met the man's face sending him to the floor. However, a shuffling sound in the carriage caught Arthur's attention and as he turned the man suddenly grabbed his ankle.

"W-Wait, please! Please don't!" He begged, Arthur glared down at the man before looking to John.

"Watch him... If he tries anything, kill him." He ordered once John was standing on the floor as Arthur advanced towards the door.

Aiming at the door somewhat suspiciously, Arthur reached out and swung the door open quickly, but gasping slightly in horror as he saw a heavily pregnant woman as well as two children, a boy, and girl, who were clinging to her while they stared at Arthur like he was the devil... And truthfully he didn't blame them. Suddenly it made sense why the man was trying to protect the door and quickly, Arthur took his aim off of the trembling family.

"Shit!" Arthur hissed.

"What?" John asked as he leaned over to look inside, gasping as well, Arthur reached up and pinched the bridge of his nose in frustration.

"P-Please sir! We'll give you anything! Please just leave my family alone!" The man pleaded, only making Arthur cringe beneath his mask.

Looking up and over the carriage, it was in good condition, and in all honesty, the exact kind he was looking for but... He couldn't send this family walking, the woman in there was obviously ready to pop any day. They were probably trying to get into the city so she was in the vicinity of a doctor before she did so...

"... What are we doin' Arthur?" John asked softly.

Arthur paused but as he looked back to the family and down to the man who stared up at him. Arthur finally sighed before he shook his head and shut the carriage door.

"... Let 'em go." He finally stated, the man on the floor, even though he had gotten a shiner on his eye, was going to live and he stared up at Arthur and John in disbelief.

"Y-You're... Letting us go?" He asked.

"You got a problem with that? Get outta here before I change my mind!" Arthur snarled, effectively startling the man enough to scramble up off the floor and climb back up into the driver's seat.

"... Well shit." John sighed as he watched the carriage leave them behind. "... You think he'll tell anyone?"

"... Nah. You see the look on his face when we rode up?" Arthur asked softly as he tried to shoo away the image of the looks on that family's faces.

Feeling the tension and self-hatred radiating off his partner, John glanced over. Arthur really was an enigma, he had a soft spot for children and yet he was also frightened of them. Walking forward, John reached forward, taking Arthur's gloved hand in his own, momentarily distracting him and bringing him back to reality.

"You alright?"

Blinking, Arthur managed to release the breath of strain and the smile actually returned to Arthur's features before he reached up and pulled the bandana off his face and watching John do the same.

"With you? Always." he mused simply before squeezing John's hand and nodding back up towards their camp. "Come on then."

Smiling back, John released Arthur's hand before walking over to their horses and leading them back up towards camp. They led them a little further away from the road before walking back to where they were sitting and dropping to the floor again. As before, Arthur pulled John close once they leaned back against the rock and got comfortable beneath their covers.

Looking up to the starry winter sky, Arthur glanced over as John went to turn on the lantern before his free hand came out to gently catch John's arm. Slightly stunning him, John glanced over, watching Arthur nod up he soon followed Arthur's eyes. Silently for a few moments, John was awestruck by the stars, he hadn't been stargazing since he was a child.

"See Orion?" Arthur asked, watching as John looked over at him somewhat flabbergasted.

"What?"

"Orion? The hunter in the sky." He explained, only confusing John further.

"The hell are you goin' on about Arthur?" John asked.

"What? Hosea never told you this?" Arthur chuckled softly, only finding John's bewilderment charming and when John shook his head, Arthur took his arm back from around John so he could grab his journal. "Turn it on." He mused, referring to the lantern.

John was beyond perplexed but reached over, grabbing the light source and turning on low before bringing it a little closer so Arthur had a better view. Once he had his pencil in his hand, Arthur half-assed a sketch of the constellation. It was pretty large after all, around twenty stars if Arthur remembered.

"So I don't know too much about the story but he was a hunter who bragged he could kill all the animals on earth even though he was defeated by a scorpion. That one's also up there but it's a summer view." Arthur explained as he showed John the dots and lines he had demonstrated on the paper before reaching over and carefully turning off the lantern once more and pointing up. "See it? Right there."

Squinting slightly at first, John looked to where Arthur was pointing and for a moment considered that Arthur was crazy. However, as John saw the pattern beginning to take shape his eyes widened and he released a small pent up breath of awe. He had forgotten how much fun this was... Looking over to Arthur he studied the man's stubbled face, he needed a shave but in truth, John preferred him with a bit of whiskers. He was reminded all the time how smart his mentor actually was, everyone poked fun at Arthur for his intelligence but he wasn't stupid; when Arthur looked back over to John he almost blushed seeing as the other was staring at him.

"What?" he asked, seeing John grin.

"Just reminded you got a brain." He responded, snorting as a prominent red hue came over Arthur's face, glad that the previous events of the night didn't seem to sour his mood.

"Oh yeah?" Arthur scoffed before suddenly shoving John to the floor and climbing on top of him as the other gasped and laughed. "I don't need'a brain to do this..."

Feeling Arthur's lips cruising around his neck again, John bit his lip and relaxed beneath his hold. Soon, John felt Arthur's lips trailing up towards his lips and as Arthur pulled up, John's eyes fluttered open to meet the bright oceans above him. They were so in love it hurt and for a moment the air around them stopped, reaching up, Arthur slipped off a glove so he could actually feel John's cheek beneath his hand and his hair flowing over his fingers.

"... What're you thinkin' about?" John asked softly.

As Arthur laid there in the forest with John beneath him, smiling at him... It was almost too much, Arthur wanted to say so many things, like how much he fucking treasured the man in front of him and how he would never hurt him so deeply again... And how he would kill anyone who had the audacity to lay a hand on him, but Arthur breathed out a relaxed sigh he just shook his head.

"What do you think?" he chortled softly, leaning in and pressing a slow long kiss upon John's lips.

Reaching up, John cursed the layers of clothing they were wearing but his arms wound around Arthur's neck and carefully pulled him closer, who was certain there was no place he'd rather be. Eventually, they found the strength to pull away from one another, and as John slept cuddled up next to him with his head against his chest, Arthur leaned down and pecked the top of his head while he listened to the road. All he could think of was how nice this would be to have every day... To have John as his own and to give himself fully in return... It was a lovely dream.

* * *

"John, wake up." Arthur whispered softly, gently shaking the other awake a few hours later as the familiar sound of multiple horses approaching piqued Arthur's interest.

"H-Huh? I'm up." John mumbled as he sat up, rubbing his eyes while Arthur quickly stood to size up the prize.

Unlike before, this one was a wagon but a large one to boot, plus they didn't have to worry about any innocent people hold up inside, though this transport had four guards rather than original two. Arthur could probably pick them off one by one in the cover of darkness but the problem would be letting the driver get away... Humming softly he looked over as John finally stood up once he had awoken fully.

"You think you can ride ahead for insurance?" he asked.

"How so?"

"Well comin' upon us is four guards... It won't be so hard to deal with them from here but I can't take them on from here _and _grab the wagon." he explained, watching John soak in the plan and nod.

"Seems simple enough... It's dark enough they won't even see me comin'." John stated.

"Good, when you get ahold of it keep ridin' okay? I'll catch up this is gonna be more than just puttin' a shot in." He added as he watched John walk towards Gypsy.

"Sounds good. I'll go once you take the first shot." John assured, seeing Arthur take out his rifle again and get positioned.

Once more, John was taken aback by how skilled his mentor was, watching Arthur line up a shot in _total _darkness and pulling the trigger in a record seven seconds, John kicked Gypsy to keep up with the driver as he watched one of the guards fall off his horse.

"What the hell!?"

"Someone's shooting!"

Like Arthur predicted, once he had taken down the next guard, the driver whipped the horses to get to safety. Watching them gallop off Arthur hissed softly seeing the remaining guards try to keep up, he had to eliminate them so they didn't cause problems for John. Readjusting his aim briefly, another bullet exploded from the chamber of Arthur's gun and piercing another guard's chest but by now the remaining assailant was too far out of Arthur's range. Cursing, Arthur ran over to The Admiral and climbed atop him quickly to catch up, though John had only been about twenty feet from the wagon the whole time in the dark woods.

"We just gotta get away from here!" He heard the driver yell, making John pull out a pistol as he watched the last guard pull up from behind.

Taking aim, John pulled the trigger and watching the last guard fall, though he had just given away his position. The driver gasped and looked over as he reached to grab his own gun but it was too late, John swerved Gypsy over and jumped onto the moving wagon catching the driver off guard before the butt of his revolver met the other man's face and casting him off the side of the moving wagon after nearly losing his balance from the panicked horses. Glancing behind him, John did as he was told and kept going along the path, though quickly steering away from the city when he was given the opportunity, he soon breathed a sigh of relief as he heard Arthur's horse trailing behind him.

"Hey, you got it! Thought I'd have to come save you!" Arthur teased as he came up to John's side.

"Just for that, I'm not slowing down so you can get on." John chuckled matter-of-factly.

"Oh come on I was kidding, let me up."

"Nope. Jump old man, unless you're worried about breaking a hip." John shot back, flashing a wicked grin at Arthur who glared at him in defiance.

"Oh, we're gonna see whose broken when I get over there."

Guiding The Admiral up to the passenger side, Arthur timed it and lined himself up as best he could before doing as he was challenged and launching himself over to the wagon with a small _oof_ before straightening himself up.

"Thought I'd have to go save you." John snickered.

"I earned that." Arthur chuckled before John passed the reins over to him.

Circling back to where they were camped so they could get the rest of their things they hurried to know that with that many shots someone would come investigating whether it was the law or just someone nosey and they wanted to be _gone _before then. John busied himself with packing up the horses while Arthur stared intently at his map as he tried to figure out where the best place would be to store their take. Even though Arthur was a little disappointed that they weren't out here long he would be lying if he said he was freezing, with that thought, Arthur looked over to John who was approaching him after he was finished.

"Figure it out?"

"Well, I think the woods back home are thick enough that we should be able to store it pretty close without drawing attention. What do you think?" Arthur inquired, seeing John shrug casually.

"Seems simple enough."

An idea made it's way into Arthur's head as they traveled to the drop-off site which was less than five minutes from their actual camp. Close enough that Arthur was too nervous to pull John close but when they dropped off the wagon, Arthur walked around to look at John who leaned against it tiredly. Smiling some at the display, Arthur took a few steps forward to be closer to John before he spoke again.

"... Wanna go to a hotel with me?" He then asked, watching John slightly gawk at him.

"... I-I mean... I'd love to, but you don't have to do that for me." He replied as Arthur wrapped an arm around his shoulders, that was innocent enough after all.

"I wouldn't be, I'd be doing it for us. Besides, I'm freezing I think I need a little more than a few minutes by the fire." He explained, watching John's expressions closely, but he was relieved the other seemed relaxed.

"Me too." He snorted before Arthur began guiding John back toward their horses.

While Arthur felt a small twinge of guilt keeping John away from Abigail, he didn't feel bad enough. His eyes honed in on John as they rode back toward the city to find a hotel a bit further from the side of town they were used to venturing in, just to avoid any familiar faces. While they didn't head toward the ritzy society of Virginia City, Arthur wasn't going to settle for the slums. Eventually ending up in a clean establishment, Arthur paid for two rooms just to keep things looking casual and refused John's offer to pay him back for the extra expense.

Once their door closed behind them, the first things the two outlaws did was shed the extra layers of clothing they had on to protect themselves in the wild and while John took off his belt to free his gun holsters, Arthur meandered over to the small wood stove in the room. Even though Arthur complained about civilization, he had to admit it was nice not to have to work so damn hard for simple things once in a while, like firewood.

However, his train of thought was derailed as he felt John's arms come around him from behind once the fire was started. It was such a comforting feeling, reaching down, Arthur ran a palm over the exposed forearm of his protege before he turned around and brought him closer, but before he went to kiss John he could already tell the other was exhausted. Puffing out a small chuckle he shook his head and began to slowly walk John back toward the bed by his hips.

Even though Arthur would have loved to actually fuck John in a bed, it was about two in the morning and both of them had only napped for a few hours. It was confirmed when John pulled back a little so he could cup his hand over his mouth and release a yawn.

"Sorry." He sighed.

"Don't be... C'mon, let's get some sleep."

"Y-You don't wanna..?" John trailed off, thoroughly entertaining Arthur who released John and began to unbutton his shirt.

"Marston, if I had the chance to lay you down every chance I wanted, you'd never leave the bedroom." Arthur snorted softly. "We don't have to have to fuck around every time for me to enjoy myself with you." He promised once his shirt fell to the floor, making it difficult for John to focus on his face.

John's heart fluttered in his chest as Arthur's words echoed in his head over and over again. For two people like him and Arthur, there wasn't a lot of luxuries in life, sex was definitely one of them and it was important for people like them to survive with all the hardships they had to deal with. Knowing that there wasn't pressure on him to keep up with each other only solidified John's desire further. Walking forward, his hands reached out and took over for Arthur's as they began to unbuckle his pants before he leaned up _almost _kissing Arthur's lips.

"... What if I wanna..?" John whispered against Arthur's lips, making the other's hair bristle and stand on end.

"... Then who am I to stop ya?" Arthur asked back, smiling as John's lips came up to his own.

John wasn't much shorter than Arthur, maybe only a few inches at most but even the tiniest details about John charmed Arthur like a cobra and he would never understand how. When John finally hit the bed, he was shirtless and Arthur soon climbed on top of him it didn't take long for Arthur to swoon John out of his pants and soon their naked bodies were entangling with each other in the comfort of the bedsheets. John's breathing was shaky as Arthur's lips move from his lips back to his neck, the slight taste of salt on his skin nearly making Arthur drool by itself.

He never thought he would _need _anyone in his life... Arthur's life was one of many sorrows and tests of faith, but right now he was certain that even if everyone else dropped off the earth, as long as he still had John he would have a reason to keep going. The feel of John's skin, the taste of his lips... The way his eyes looked up at Arthur with nothing but love and admiration, he had no clue how he had deserved to be looked upon so purely but he would never take it for granted again.

Soon, Arthur's lips began moving to John's chest, leaving gentle nips in his wake... However, it became apparent that John's breathing was smooth and slow, pulling back Arthur's brows arched as he saw John peacefully asleep beneath him.

A smile came to Arthur's lips as he released the smallest of chuckles, not wanting to disturb John too much. Leaning in, Arthur placed one last kiss on the scar at John's eyebrow before he carefully rolled off the other and gently ushered John closer to him. Rolling over and cuddling up to Arthur, John released a deep breath in his relaxed state.

"Sorry..." he mumbled groggily, not even bothering to open his eyes, but Arthur didn't reply, he simply reached up and ran his hand through John's hair in soothing motions until he felt the other asleep against him once more... And the rhythmic feeling of John's breathing against him became Arthur's lullaby.

> You gave me a shoulder when I needed it  
You showed me love when I wasn't feeling it  
You helped me fight when I was giving in  
And you made me laugh when I was losing it  
  
'Cause you are, you are  
The reason why I'm still hanging on  
'Cause you are, you are  
The reason why my head is still above water  
And if I could I'd get you the moon, yeah  
And give it to you  
And if death was coming for you  
I'd give my life for you  
  
'Cause you are, you are  
The reason why I'm still hanging on  
'Cause you are, you are  
The reason why my head is still above water  
And if I could I'd get you the moon  
And give it to you  
And if death was coming for you  
I'd give my life for you  
  
'Cause you are, you are  
Oh, you are  
Oh, you are  
You are  
  
'Cause you are, you are  
The reason why I'm still hanging on  
'Cause you are, you are  
The reason why my head is still above water  
And if I could I'd get you the moon  
And give it to you  
And if death was coming for you  
I'd give my life for you
> 
> [Get You The Moon by Kina](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eRnIks59Pjw)


	30. Chapter 30

It wasn't until about nine o'clock the next morning that John's eyes began to flutter open, he was still comfortably laying against Arthur's chest, feeling the other's arm wrapped around him and resting on his waist. He felt his sleep inertia tugging at his eyelids but seeing as the sun was already somewhat high in the sky John gently pushed himself up as to not wake up Arthur and once sitting he reached up and rubbed the haze from his eyes before peering over at the complimentary alarm clock that was stationed at their bedside table. Releasing a small yawn after confirming the time he felt the hand that was on his hip from before beginning to coast up the small of his back.

"You scared me." John huffed softly.

"Sorry." Arthur chuckled hoarsely before clearing his throat and pushing himself up as well to sit up beside John.

"Are you?" John asked with an arched brow.

"Nope." Arthur snorted in reply as he looked over.

Rolling his eyes a smile made it's way to John's expression knowing if it were up to him he would be woken up like this every day... In Arthur's arms. Leaning over lazily into in shoulder with his own, John released a small sigh as he found himself dreading returning to camp again. Every time he was out with Arthur he found himself wishing for more and more but it was dangerous to get greedy.

"How are you feelin' by the way? You sure were tired last night." Arthur chortled with a smirk, almost feeling the heat from the intensity of John's blush.

"I-I'm sorry..." He murmured, thoroughly embarrassed for falling asleep beneath Arthur after initiating sex with him.

"Don't be, it was cute... For you." Arthur teased, but soon draped an arm around John's shoulders and held him close.

"Ugh, shut up." John groaned before pulling himself away from Arthur and looking over to him. "... I can make it up to you." He stated.

"You don't have t-"

Suddenly Arthur was shoved down by his shoulders by John back down to the bed and gawked up at him as he watched John's leg lightly swing over him until John's hips were pressing against his own, igniting that familiar urge. Out of instinct, Arthur's hands rose to meet John's thighs and slowly caressed upwards, feeling up John's abdomen until resting his hands comfortably at his waist once more.

"... Or be my guest." Arthur then purred, watching John grin down at him almost smugly.

"Thought so." He snorted, watching a glare come over Arthur's globes.

"Your cocky attitude is going to get you-" Arthur was cut off once again as John reached down and took a firm grasp of his member, gasping sharply and slightly gritting his teeth at John's fucking arrogance... Arthur had to admit he loved it as much as he hated it because it was working, it reminded him of being tied up.

"I don't think you're in the position to be making threats, Morgan." John mused, entertaining Arthur to the highest degree, he was going to fuck John until he couldn't _walk_.

Arthur couldn't help himself, his hands soon fell and grabbed firm handfuls of John's ass, feeling the tautness of his partner's muscles and appreciating every scar and imperfection on his body. John was so fucking beautiful... And Arthur loved him... He loved him so fucking much.

"John..." Arthur muttered, catching John's attention momentarily as he tried to ignore how good Arthur's hands felt massaging his ass, however seeing the vulnerable and almost serious look in Arthur's eyes, John blinked and tilted his head.

However, watching Arthur sit up slowly, the scarlet hue came over John's face once again at the unreadable and disarming look on Arthur's expression, he was about to ask Arthur what the hell his problem was when the other slowly leaned in and placed a feather-light kiss at John's neck, making the other gulp until he spoke.

"... You're so beautiful." Arthur whispered, feeling John tense with charming discomfort at being called something so feminine.

"C-Come on, be serious..." John mumbled, watching Arthur's face come up from his neck to bore into his gaze once more.

"I've never been more serious about anything in my life, Marston..." Arthur replied with a grin as he saw John's expression contort bashfully.

"How the hell am I supposed to take you seriously?" John grumbled.

"You don't believe me?" Arthur inquired curiously.

"Hell no." John snorted with a chuckle.

"Really..?" Arthur hummed softly before reaching down between him and John and beginning to rub his now-standing erection against John's opening.

John inhaled sharply in surprise and bit his lip before averting his gaze almost shyly again, he hated how Arthur watched his facial expressions when he knew he was anything _but _beautiful. His hands rested at Arthur's shoulders and gripped him just a bit tighter at the teasing feeling. He sighed softly and flinched as he felt the prodding against his entrance, he hated being teased but fuck if he didn't love Arthur doing it to him.

"Look at you..." Arthur drawled tantalizingly, John hated it when Arthur said it the first time and he hated it now and he knew if it was possible he'd be blushing even more but he was certain at this point he looked like a rose. "John look at me." He then chuckled, watching as John outright refused.

"I-I can't, y-you make me feel..." He trailed off, not knowing exactly how to explain it.

"... Is it good?" Arthur questioned, leaning in and gently nuzzling into John's neck and running his tongue along the skin there.

"Y-Yes but..." John mumbled.

"But?" Arthur inquired, pulling away from John's neck to try and meet John's gaze once again.

"Y-You make me feel unreal." John stammered, slightly confusing Arthur.

"Unreal?"

"Yeah... When I with you... I-I forget..." John muttered before taking a breath as his mind went to Abigail and his unborn child and he soon sighed. "You make me think things are possible for us." He sighed, almost breaking Arthur's heart for a moment.

"John..." Arthur murmured, reaching up and running a hand up through his hair. "... Look at me cowboy, please." He urged, feeling immense relief when John gave in and looked up to do so, finding the words pleading John to run away with him at the tip of his tongue once more before he took a breath. "... I'm yours." He said instead, but the meaning was just as important. "Whenever you want me... Or whenever you don't... I'm yours, no matter what... I promise."Arthur then vowed before leaning in and almost crashing his lips against John's with how intense his desire for him was.

John didn't hesitate to wrap his arms around Arthur's neck and pull him close as their tongues danced. Arthur definitely had a way with words... John felt like a damn woman, but he couldn't deny how good it felt to have Arthur to himself as his own... Arthur could never be tied down and yet, he knew that he had been John's from the moment they had locked lips no matter how hard he tried to disapprove it.

However, before John's emotions could be overwhelmed again, he quickly slapped a hand over his mouth once he felt Arthur push upwards inside of him. It made John huff softly since _he _was supposed to be in charge here but as his eyes met Arthur's once more, seeing his feelings completely transparent... And John gave in, managing to take a breath, his hand fell back to Arthur's shoulder while he tried not to make too much noise.

"... You believe me, John?" Arthur suddenly whispered to him, distracting the other for a moment with confusion, but he could hear the smile in Arthur's tone as he placed a kiss near his ear. "... I remember that night like it was yesterday." He sighed softly, his breath trailing goosebumps in its wake.

_That night..?_

Arthur could feel John trying to surf his mind and pulled back to see the adorable stunned expression on his face. God, John was cute, and he only became more and more puzzled with the gentle look in Arthur's eyes... He had never seen Arthur so...

Suddenly John's eyes widened... And it all flooded back.

_I-I wanted to know if you felt the same way I did..._

_... I still don't believe you._

"You..." John muttered, but his throat closed, too scared that if he spoke he would cry and that _wouldn't _be attractive in this scenario.

Arthur just smiled at him, a smile that John knew only _he _had seen... And for a horrible moment he almost thought he was in a dream, afraid he would wake up and realize that none of this was real. However, quickly averting his gaze again, John scoffed as he felt tears stinging his eyes anyway.

"G-Goddammit Arthur..." He stammered, taking Arthur aback with the sincere vulnerability, John hated crying he knew that much so to see the other so caught off guard in this way... It warmed Arthur's heart.

Reaching up, he gently stroked John's cheek and reaching up to gently wipe a stray tear from his eyes before pushing hips upwards a little further, watching intently as John's face contorted a bit with pleasure. He moaned quietly, leaning into Arthur's touch as he saw the other leaning in, but he paused just as their lips brushed.

"... You believe me?" He asked again.

_I love you, you asshole._

_No, you don't._

_What?_

_... You love this... The nights we share... You don't love me, John._

More tears gathered in John's eyes, that memory used to be so fucking painful... He used to remember it laying on his back alone in his tent at night when sleep would evade him... Remembering how much it meant to him when Arthur finally said yes... Finally regaining his composure, John met Arthur's eyes and finally smiled back before he nodded and leaned in quickly and catching Arthur's lips with his own.

One day he would make Arthur pay for making him feel so... Loved, but right now all John could focus on was trying to keep his voice quiet once Arthur's hips _really _started to move. Leaning his head back, John panted and clutched onto Arthur's back while the other took the opportunity to sample John's throat that he left unprotected. Breathy sighs and grunts emitted from the pair and Arthur could feel his undoing was soon as he felt John starting to move his hips against him in response, only heightening the sensations around his cock.

"Fuck, John..." Arthur groaned softly as he clutched onto his lover.

_In these coming years... Many things will change, but the way I feel will remain the same._

Arthur knew he was a coward deep down, never actually able to say those words to John... But feeling them was enough for him at the moment. Reaching his climax, Arthur released a low sound of approval as he held John down on top of him and emptied his seed deep inside of him, however, this time Arthur's hand came up just in time to cover the head of John's own manhood just before his release took over. Arching his back dramatically against Arthur as his body went rigid with pleasure, John ended up coating Arthur's hand rather than their bodies respectively.

As he began to regain his breath, John gasped softly as Arthur simply dropped him back against the bed, landing with a very soft thud. However, as John looked up he gawked as he saw Arthur smirking down at him before running his tongue along his palm, effectively licking up some of John's cum... It was easily the sexiest thing John had ever seen.

In the blink of an eye, it seemed that they were already dressed again. The last thing John had to do was fasten his belt with his holsters while Arthur waited patiently against the door, leaning casually and watching him almost with appreciation. When he was finally ready, which he never would truly be, he approached the door, but when Arthur didn't move he tilted his head.

Taking his final opportunity to give John the exact kind of attention he loved relishing him with, Arthur reached out and wrapped an arm easily around John's waist and pulling him closer. Planting one last kiss on his lips, Arthur sent a wink to John before he rose off the door and released him, opening it silently and waiting for John to pass through first... He was a gentleman after all when it counted.

Clearing his throat and suppressing the small blush that threatened John's dignity, he walked out quickly, brushing past Arthur before hurrying down the stairs. Arthur followed and reached up, slicking his hair back once they were on the ground floor. The clerk was talking nonchalantly with another patron which Arthur wasn't opposed to at all, he did purchase two rooms but he always preferred to go everywhere unnoticed, though before they could get out the door, John paused and frowned.

"Shit, I left my gloves up there." He sighed softly before sending a pointed look to Arthur. "Must have been distracted."

Arthur didn't even try to hide the grin that surfaced but he shrugged and nodded, granting John permission to go back up and get his items while he waited. Watching John turn around, Arthur walked over to a small sofa that was in the lobby and plopped down onto his rear, knowing John wouldn't be long.

"It was just awful, could you believe people like are around _here?_" The clerk inquired.

"No, it was so violent I thought Beckett was bad..."

"Shh! Don't say that name out loud yet... You know they're looking for his killer."

Now that was interesting... A different crime that rivaled the brutality of the _former _chief of police? Arthur wanted to know more but he didn't want to butt in unwelcome. He stood and stretched coolly before slowly meandering closer to the counter, pretending to look at the items hung on the wall as the clerk and customer continued speaking in hushed tones.

"Did you know 'em?"

"No, but my neighbor did... Said they were good people and the wife was just about to give birth to their third child."

Arthur's blood froze instantly.

"She was pregnant?"

"Yeah... Burned her with the rest of the family alive in their carriage."

_No way... No fucking way!_

"You know I actually think I saw something about it in the paper this morning, I didn't realize it happened last night."

Blinking, Arthur tried not to appear like he was hurrying outside to find a vendor. For once luck seemed to be on his side since on the corner near where The Admiral and Gypsy were hitched up there was a boy waving papers around.

"Hey kid." He called, catching the boy's attention before holding out a couple of dollars and watching the child's face light up with the extra money he was being given.

"Whoa! Thanks mister!" He chimed before handing over the newsprint... And Arthur prayed to God he was wrong about this.

Strolling slowly back towards the inn as he looked down at the paper, he wasn't too shocked to see that it was on the front page.

_Last night in the early morning of November 25th, 1894 a carriage belonging to a Lawrence Davis was intercepted by unknown assailants. While we have covered the destruction of the gang of the Ravens, the brutal nature of this crime suggests that a new band of dangerous individuals has moved into the region and it is unknown if this act is in connection to Police Chief Beckett's murder. The carriage was found by farmers as the horses ran for their lives away from the burning carriage still attached to their bridles. After managing to slow the frightened animals and the fire was extinguished only then did it become apparent what happened to the original owners whose bodies were found inside._

_It was reported that there were gunshots in the late evening around Kepler's Pass but any evidence leading to the identity of the killers was lost when the horses ran from the original and unknown crime scene. Members of the Raven's were found in the Hawkeye Saloon this morning after the crime had taken place, seeing five people being taken into custody for questioning._

_The victims have been identified as Lawrence Davis (42), Emma Davis with child (34), Margaret Davis (9) and William Davis (6)._

_Citizens of Virginia City are advised not to travel alone at night and Kepler's Pass has been closed until investigations are concluded. Any information regarding the grizzly murders will be rewarded._

Swallowing harshly, Arthur felt a knot hanging up in his gut and even though he already knew what had happened he had to find out for sure... If he had John investigated around the area where they encountered that family the first time, maybe they could find where they ended up... Arthur frowned noting that the pass was closed by police, they couldn't risk showing their faces to cops, but he couldn't let this go unnoticed.

John slipped out the door and looked over to see Arthur glaring down at the paper and frowned slightly at the serious expression.

"You look like you're tryin' to light that thing on fire." He joked, only making Arthur cringe before handing him the paper.

"... Anything about that look familiar to you?" Arthur inquired, John tilted his head and read the story.

"Apparently I misspoke..." John murmured recalling his choice in words as he read, however as he got further and further, John's brows furrowed. "Wait a minute..."

"Exactly." Arthur muttered as John looked up with a troubled expression. "... I wanna check it out. I know that Kepler's Pass is closed but who knows how far they got before they were intercepted?" He asked, relieved when John didn't falter but nodded in reply.

"Lead the way."

* * *

Retracing their steps, Arthur pulled back on The Admiral just a few miles away from Kepler's Pass while John kept a lookout for the law. They had done a decent job in keeping their noses clean here, no one knew who they were or what they had done but that didn't mean they didn't have outstanding warrants everywhere else and Arthur wouldn't be surprised if, at this point pictures of his, Hosea's and Dutch's face's had been shown around the office. Wishing he had seen the direction that family was going Arthur released an exasperated sigh knowing this could take all day but he _had _to know, it was a feeling that wouldn't leave him.

"Why don't we split up and meet back here in an hour? Keep away from the pass but we'll cover more ground this way." Arthur suggested.

"What if we find something?" John inquired.

"Mark it on your map, I gave it back to ya." Arthur mused with a nod, and shrugging his shoulders nonchalantly John nodded in return.

With that, the two partners split up and went in the opposite direction of each other. Arthur kept his binoculars out and trudged up to higher places and more remote locations. He figured they would have gone _somewhere _in the direction of the city given of how pregnant that woman was. Just the thought sent chills up Arthur's spine and he kicked The Admiral a little harder to get a better vantage point, hoping that due to the fire he would see scorch marks somewhere from above, but it was in vain. He found _nothing_.

Meeting back up where he and John split, there was no sign of him and for a moment there was a deep worry in Arthur's gut, however, the sound of hooves behind him had Arthur turning around and relief spread through his body at the sight of John trotting back towards him. The look on his face was just as frustrated as Arthur's was though, which meant he had found nothing too, but of course, Arthur asked anyway.

"Anythin'..?"

"Nothin'." John sighed and shook his head. "I even skulked around the pass, nothing, the cops will probably give up by tomorrow." He muttered with a frown.

"Damn. I don't get it... How could we have found nothing? She was-..." Arthur stopped when he was about to say the word _pregnant_, unable to even say it as flashes of Abigail carrying _his _child went through his head, he cleared his throat to recover. "I woulda just thought given her condition, they woulda been going to the city." He muttered with a scowl, but suddenly a light bulb went off in John's head.

"Wait... Why would we assume that?" John asked, tilting his head, puzzling Arthur.

"Well... Why wouldn't they?" Arthur inquired back.

"Didn't the paper say farmers found them? How in the hell would farmers find them if they went toward the city? There's only what, a couple between here and there?" John queried, watching the realization wash over Arthur and he felt ridiculous not absorbing that important information.

"Well aren't we the prize idiots..." Arthur muttered.

"_You. You're _the prize idiot." John snickered.

"Hey, you went along with it, Marston." Arthur huffed as John chuckled.

"Monkey see, monkey do." John retaliated before they both turned towards the path away from the city, Arthur had swung by all the farmsteads by chance nearby, they must have gone somewhere else.

Even though Arthur felt completely _stupid_, he was grateful to have John at his side for that specific reason. Perhaps his affections for John were starting to cloud his judgment... Which wasn't pleasant to think of, yet even now with that thought, what was even more frightening was that he didn't care. He didn't regret being with John and he would do it again if given the chance, but he knew to assume that something so severe was happening already was rather... Dramatic.

Blinking, he just kicked The Admiral into a gallop, needing to feel the wind in his hair, and Annabelle's whispers in the breeze. John kept up with Arthur, he loved a good run with his horse when he could get the time to do it without a life or death situation. As the two got further and further away from the city and the wide dirt road started to turn into a narrow path, Arthur and John slowed as they began looking for any signs of clues, but as Arthur looked down to the ground, he pulled The Admiral to a halt.

"What is it?" John asked, watching Arthur dismounting and following his actions as he walked around his horse to Arthur's side as he was staring at the ground.

"... What do you see?" He asked, pointing at the path.

John arched a brow before he looked down and noted the tracks on the ground, there was multiple horse hoof prints on the path and for a moment John was confused.

"Uh, a bunch of horses? How are we supposed to tell who was who?"

"... A bunch of horses? On a small trail like this one?" Arthur inquired, watching the realization sweep over John this time with a small smile.

Getting back on their horses, Arthur got them to a trot and made sure his guns were loaded as they began walking down the quiet pathway. It was almost eerie... There weren't even really that many birds, just the occasional buzz of a bug, it made John's gut churn. They followed the large group of horse prints on for miles, but the caw of a crow caught Arthur's attention.

Looking up into the sky, Arthur squinted as he saw a multitude of crows circling northwest from the path. Hoping it wasn't what he thought it was, he whistled softly to John catching his attention and seeing Arthur nodding in the direction he was heading before veering off the path with John in tow. His heart was pounding and he could hear an intense ringing in his ears the closer and closer they got to the source of the scavenger birds. Weaving through trees and finally finding the mangled corpse of a deer Arthur breathed carefully, relieved that it wasn't something more serious but exasperated knowing they had to go back to the path.

Though as Arthur went to kick his horse back the way they came, he frowned and slid off his saddle to check something and upon closer inspection, he was a tad enraged to see that the deer had a massive amount of bullet wounds in its body, but none were in _completely _vital areas, which meant the last moments of this animals life was spent in pure agony... And then left to rot like it was nothing, like it's _life _meant nothing. Arthur never understood why, but he always felt more empathy towards animals than towards people, releasing a breath of hot air he stood back up.

"You okay?" John asked, mirroring Arthur again as he felt the other's aura shift into something more dangerous, but as before, once Arthur's eyes landed on John they softened... And all the anger that was boiling began to simmer.

"... Yeah, thank you." Arthur said with a nod as he reached out and rested a hand onto John's shoulder, but it slowly slid upwards, landing on his neck and allowing his thumb to caress the warmth beneath John's collar who smiled in reply.

However, as John glanced up passed Arthur, his visage paled and a look akin to complete abhorrence cross his face but before Arthur could turn around the _distinct _sound of a rifle cartridge sliding into the chamber caught his ears and he didn't hesitate to whip around, a hand settling at the revolver on his hip... The man waiting for him stunned Arthur as well.

"... Hello again, Arthur Morgan." He mused with a wicked grin, it was none other than Colm O'Driscoll himself with a four-man squad riding behind him and immediately that rage that had subsided within Arthur ignited once more and his grit his teeth, but his first priority was protecting John and wondering how he could have let that man sneak up on them.

Sidestepping in front of him just out of instinct, Arthur glared at Colm like a wolf on the prowl for its next meal... He was out for blood, but one thing keeping him grounded was the fear of what Colm had seen between him and John. Surely he had seen the affectionate gesture but... What did he _see?_

"Colm." Arthur scoffed shortly as he watched the four men with their arch enemy beginning to slowly circle around him and John, who also readied a defensive stance with his gun ready back-to-back with Arthur once they were surrounded, and while Arthur didn't like to boast, he knew that he and John were an intimidating pair, outnumbered or not.

"Oh, don't stop on my account... I didn't realize ya'll were _that _kind of family but it makes sense." Colm taunted.

_Shit._

"Shut your mouth, Colm!" Arthur snarled so aggressively that it actually surprised John.

"Oh? Did I strike a nerve?" Colm chortled as he began to walk around the circle on his horse at a leisurely pace.

Arthur's iron glare focused on him but just as Colm was about to get around Arthur to get a look at John, his hand reached out and shoved John back behind him, making John gasp softly and stagger but feeling Arthur's rage in the air, he knew now was not a good time to question him and he regained his stance quickly, still keeping an eye on Colm's guard dogs. Arthur knew that feeding into this wasn't helping this situation but what he didn't understand was _why__? _Colm had a perfect chance to waste him and John, Dutch's _gifted sons. _Why would he waste such an opportunity? Just to humiliate them? Arthur's grasp was shaking but knowing they were outnumbered he had to play his cards right.

"What do you want, Colm?" Arthur asked a bit calmer but his tone was obviously strained and he was doing a lot to keep himself together.

"Hm, where's Dutch?" Colm asked back, completely ignoring Arthur's question who felt a knot in his gut.

"What _do you want_, Colm?" Arthur growled again, narrowing his eyes at the man grinning at him sadistically, watching Colm roll his eyes.

"You're no fun, Arthur, but right to the chase, I like that about you... Fine, I'll get right to it, I'm giving you a warning." Colm stated simply, watching with satisfaction as a vein nearly popped out of Arthur's head.

"Oh? Not here to shoot us in the back? My apologies I should be on my knees thanking you, but surely we don't need a warning from you." Arthur denounced.

"Oh trust me... You do, because you see, it wasn't _me _running from Nebraska and Colorado... That was all ya'll, and now I'm giving you a chance to run again... Because this place is ours now." Colm mused smugly, Arthur had never wanted to shoot someone or die trying and he was thankful John was with him because he would have done it.

Arthur didn't hate many people, but he _hated _Colm O'Driscoll, and all at once he regretted not telling Dutch he had a feeling Colm was around. However, Arthur constantly reminded himself that John was there, behind him... He couldn't risk getting him hurt, though his eyes were transparent with his feeling, Arthur bit his tongue.

"... Mighty kind of you, but I assure you we're almost done here anyway, there was no need to be so formal." He retaliated, though the smirk never left Colm's features.

"Good to know that cowards never change... Just like that maggot last night, oh my wife! My wife! Please don't hurt my wife!" Colm mocked as Arthur recalled the reason they were really out here but when Colm met Arthur's eyes again he spoke. "... You ever kick a woman, partner?" He asked, watching as he caught Arthur off guard with the unsettling question and Arthur cursed himself for allowing his front to fall. "It's thrilling, it's a feeling like no other... Sure they scream louder but... Watching them squirm just does something to me." Colm sighed almost in appreciation before shrugging. "Kids though... At least they burn faster."

"You're sick." Arthur sneered as that familiar rage began to boil up inside him again.

"Perhaps, but let me be clear Morgan... Next time you see me I won't be as welcoming... I'm sure you'll relay to your prosperous king won't you, son?" Colm inquired, Arthur could see the evil in his eyes and he wanted nothing more than to rip his fucking throat out with his bare hands. "I think we sent the message... Let's go." He then ordered simply before beginning to retreat away from Arthur with his posse following him closely and keeping a close eye on Arthur and John.

Arthur couldn't believe what had just happened, how he had allowed Colm and _four _assailants to track them and get that close to them boggled his mind and he was so confused by his anger that once Colm and his band were gone, he walked up to a tree and slammed his fists into it over and over and _over _again. He failed _AGAIN._

John watched with confusion and jumped slightly when the first punch landed, a loud _CRACK _against the wood signifying Arthur was using almost all of his power to hit the trunk. However as he kept going, John's attitude change from shock to worry and for a moment he was concerned Arthur was going to break his hands with the force of each hit getting stronger and stronger.

"Arthur," he called as he approached him, but getting no response he frowned. "A-Arthur, that's enough-" _CRACK_, again another hit and with this hit came a large _pop_ in Arthur's hand but despite this, he reared it back to punch again anyway, John gasped softly and quickly reached forward, catching Arthur's arm and holding him back, beginning to actually shove him away from the tree. "That's enough Arthur!" he yelled before finally, his hands landed on Arthur's shoulders and force Arthur to focus on him as the other panted roughly, his breaths huffing out almost like a wild animal.

It wasn't until Arthur's crazed hues landed on John that he became frightened of the man he had grown to love, but as soon as it came it went... They softened as they met John's warm brown worried gaze... And all at once, Arthur seemed to calm, as for the damage in his hand, that was unknown but right now he didn't give a shit. John breathed a small sigh of relief as Arthur seemed to come back, he had _never _seen Arthur so angry, he looked like a different person, but as Arthur kept regaining his breaths his chest slowed. Looking around, Arthur didn't trust his surroundings... But he needed John, taking a step forward, Arthur leaned in and pressed his forehead against John's own for a moment as his eyes fluttered shut.

Arthur hated seeing the fear in John's eyes and he knew that was what brought him back to earth, he _never _wanted John to be scared of him and he would be damned if that would start now. He wanted to shoot Colm in his back just like he had shot Annabelle but he couldn't, knowing that he and John could have ended up dead too, he would never risk John's life unnecessarily.

"... I'm sorry." He sighed, taking a deep inhale of John's comforting scent.

"... It's alright, I don't blame you." John muttered before reaching forward and taking the wrist of Arthur's now injured hand but he was quick to take it away.

"I'll be fine."

"Arthur-"

"John." Arthur's tone warned John not to argue but he bit his tongue. "... We're in danger right now." He then said as he pulled away from John. "We need to get away from here, split up, and keep away from camp for a while... I think I need to go break the news." He then stated seriously, knowing he couldn't keep Dutch in the dark anymore, he would have to go to Ivy's estate right away, turning away from John he walked towards his horse.

John sighed softly and frowned in worry, it was obvious Arthur was not okay and he wasn't keen on leaving him to his own devices. Though, almost as if hearing John's doubts, Arthur paused just before he climbed on top of The Admiral and turned to look back to John's expression and his heart clenched seeing the look on the other's face. He couldn't leave John, not like this... Taking a breath and reminding himself that this wasn't John's fault, Arthur walked back toward him and with his uninjured hand, he reached up and caught John's cheek before leaning in and planting his lips firmly against the other's, and to say John was surprised was an understatement but he leaned into it anyway.

It was short-lived due to the possibility of unwanted surveillance, but when Arthur pulled away he caressed John's cheek tenderly.

"... Be careful cowboy, yeah?" He asked, the term of endearment never failing to make John's heart flutter.

"Only if you are." He replied, sending a pointed look at Arthur, and for a split moment the corner of his mouth twitched upward, hinting a smile.

"... For you? Always." He said matter-of-factly before he turned away once again, thankfully reassuring John to some degree.

> Wise men say only fools rush in  
But I can't help falling in love with you  
Shall I stay?  
Would it be a sin  
If I can't help falling in love with you?
> 
>   
Like a river flows surely to the sea  
Darling so it goes  
Some things are meant to be  
Take my hand, take my whole life too  
For I can't help falling in love with you
> 
>   
Like a river flows surely to the sea  
Darling so it goes  
Some things are meant to be
> 
>   
Take my hand, take my whole life too  
For I can't help falling in love with you  
For I can't help falling in love with you
> 
> source: [Can't Help Falling In Love by Elvis Presley](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vGJTaP6anOU)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know, I know I'm desperate af to get smutty with Arthur and John but dammit I wanted them to really love each other for a sec okay, everything I do I have a reason for~  
I hope everyone is still enjoying and I know I said this would probably be done by chapter thirty, I do know for a fact we're getting close to the end. As always much love.  
-Eros


	31. Chapter 31

Sprinting through the fields and towards the city, Arthur tried to ignore the throbbing in his left hand... It was a bit difficult to ride just due to the fact that his dominant hand was incapacitated and he knew Dutch would be angry at him for hurting himself, but right now that worry was far from his mind. He bit his tongue as he tried to think of how he would explain that the man who murdered Dutch's _wife_ openly taunted and threatened he and John. Arthur knew it was probably smart to leave out the details but he already felt guilty enough for not exposing his information the first time despite knowing it was the right decision.

Dutch was still healing, technically he still shouldn't even ride The Count, it hadn't even been a week yet, it had only been four days. Arthur knew Dutch would be enraged and would be out for blood just as he was. Normally Arthur didn't let pieces of shit like Colm get under his skin but this feud was _personal_. He had moved on from Annabelle's death and Dutch had made a remarkable recovery but that didn't mean it didn't sting when he saw that bastard's smug smirk and heard the savage details of his other victims.

The sun was already approaching the late afternoon when Arthur pulled into Ivy Winters' neighborhood. He still felt a creepy-crawly sensation whenever he walked his horse through this type of place. He felt like all eyes were drawn to him because they knew he didn't belong and Arthur knew deep down he did too, no matter how much money they accumulated or the possessions they bought, they could buy a house like this one someday and Arthur would never feel at home... Though he knew Dutch would never buy a house in such a ridiculous location.

For a moment, Arthur was actually distracted as he approached the estate, wondering where exactly they were going. Dutch always said he had a plan for the long run but... All they ever did was run, he knew that things had changed when Annabelle was killed but ever since then, they had just been wandering... With no real destination.

When Arthur slid off his horse he paused before he approached the gate as he realized they were just... Surviving. They hadn't been living in a long time and it took being with John again for Arthur to figure it out. Reaching up, he ran a hand down his face in exasperation knowing this conversation was about to get a lot more complicated and possibly even dangerous depending on how Dutch took the news. His heart pounded but he walked forward while an unfamiliar guard stood upfront.

"Name?" He asked.

"Arthur Morgan." Arthur replied calmly.

"Arthur Morgan, cleared for entry." The guard then stated before stepping aside and opened the gate for Arthur smoothly with no hassle.

He couldn't help but sigh in relief as he remembered the last time he tried to get in when Dutch had been stabbed, that was a shit-storm and a half. Arthur nodded his thanks silently to the guard before walking inside and up the front steps to the door, knocking despite knowing it was probably silly to do so he still didn't feel comfortable just walking into someone's house whether he was welcome or not. A butler opened the ornate door open for Arthur and he hesitantly walked in.

"I'm uh... Lookin' for my partner?" Arthur inquired.

"A Tacitus Kilgore?" The well-dressed man asked back.

"That'd be the one." Arthur confirmed.

"He's not here."

"_What!?_" Arthur nearly shouted.

"He left this morning, Mister Morgan." Ivy's voice behind Arthur made him jump slightly as he spun around just in time to see her walking down the stairs, Arthur sighed exhaustedly as his uninjured hand came up to rub his eyes yet again. "I apologize, I thought you would have known, I almost thought you were coming to visit me, what a shame." Ivy chuckled in good humor.

"I-I'm sorry I hope I didn't offend you, I just really need to talk to D-uh... Tacitus about something serious." Arthur replied with a frown until he realized that Ivy should probably know about Colm too. "Actually, can we go somewhere more private?" He asked, though regretting his choice of words when he saw Ivy arch a brow and smirk at him.

"Of course, Mister Morgan." She mused before ushering him to follow her.

It wasn't that Ivy wasn't attractive, quite the opposite, but her aura was quite intimidating though Arthur would never admit it. He knew only a certain kind of man could handle her and Arthur knew he was _not _one of them... And he also knew he had John waiting for him, if he was going to be honest with himself, he enjoyed being with men more than he did women anyway. Swallowing harshly as he pulled himself out of his head at his self-realization he just focused on Ivy's shiny hair as they walked, at least she was nice to look at.

Arthur had to admit that he was surprised when she led him into a shaded but open courtyard, then again it was her house. He was almost expecting her to lead him to her bedroom and he couldn't help but look around for any listeners as they approached a table with a bell that sat on top as well as a few chairs, Arthur watched as Ivy sat upon one and motioned to the one across from her, to which he obliged before resting his motionless hand onto the table.

"What happened there?" Ivy questioned, her voice oozing with curiosity, though Arthur's face _almost _lit up with a blush.

"I-It's nothing, I did it to myself." Arthur replied before he cleared his throat. "I'll be alright, what's more important is the men that have just come into the region... You see the paper this morning?" He then asked.

"I don't need to... Are you talking about the murders of the Davis family? I've been doing some digging and all my sources agree that this is a new threat." Ivy explained, never failing to shock Arthur with her information gathering skills and just how much power she wielded.

"Well, I know exactly who did it." Arthur retorted nodding his head and piquing Ivy's interest. "His name is Colm O'Driscoll with the O'Driscoll gang."

"Really? He's wandered all the way down here?" Ivy muttered, though mostly to herself as she reached up and rested a hand onto her chin. "Well, I suppose I shouldn't be surprised considering you lot made your way here..."

"Then you know what he's capable of?" Arthur asked.

"I know the basics... But surely I can't keep tabs on a group of men hundreds of miles away when this city alone has a reputation for some of the worst outlaws around." Ivy replied simply.

"Surely I don't doubt that, nor do I doubt that we are some of those bad men but... I just wanted to give you a heads up not to trust him. He kills for the sake of killing and he enjoys doing it... Kills women, children, he's not someone to get mixed up in." Arthur explained, trying not to sound like he was being condescending because he truly did worry for the people that Colm was unfortunate enough to come in contact with, though thankfully Ivy seemed to soak in the information seriously.

"I see... I heard that he was especially... Unfriendly, but I hadn't heard the full scope of his dealings... I _also_ heard that the Van der Linde Gang had a rough relationship with them as well." Ivy mused, obviously wanting to know the story behind it and Arthur sighed.

"... He killed a woman very dear to our family." Arthur remarked simply before shrugging his shoulders. "We underestimated him and she paid for it, hell she even tried to warn us." He muttered as his eyes cast down when he remembered Annabelle looking at him right before she died, he would _never _forget that image of her smile.

Ivy frowned as she felt Arthur's shift in energy before she nodded and reached forward, ringing the bell that was stationed on the table. Arthur glanced up in confusion and watched as a butler walked out of the house and toward them.

"Get the nurse please, we need to help Mister Morgan before we send him on his way, and fetch him a stiff drink while you're at it." She ordered and the butler walked away without a word.

"Y-You don't have to-"

"Mister Morgan please... I know you have to talk to Dutch but that hand needs help. You saved my sister's life, allow me to try and repay you." She replied, sending a sweet smile to Arthur.

"Well, you _are_ paying us." He murmured.

"True, but... Well, I'll never be able to truly _repay _you for what you did... It was priceless, so please." Ivy urged, watching Arthur finally cave and nod.

It didn't take long for a particularly expensive bourbon made it's way out to him along with the nurse who had been helping Dutch through his recovery. Arthur made sure to thank him as he examined the injury. Thankfully it just seemed that Arthur's middle finger was just dislocated, and though Arthur flinched when it was reset, it wasn't nearly as bad as it could have been. Due to the bruising from the trauma against the wood, the multiple small lacerations, and the dislocation itself, the nurse wrapped the appendage and even looked at his other one. Arthur looked down at his hand once his drink was finished and he had to admit, the support of the bandage felt much better... And now he had a medical bandage for Susan to wash and save for another serious occasion, it was a win-win.

Ivy escorted Arthur all the way out to the gate, by now the sun was getting ready to fall into the setting position, but before he got into his saddle, Arthur reached out and took Ivy's hand in his and ultimately placing a kiss upon the back of it, making the famous Ivy Winters blush.

"Thank you for all your help... Really." Arthur said, finally able to allow a small smile to cross his expression.

"M-Mister Morgan you're makin' me sweat like a sinner in church." Ivy stammered as she pulled out a fan in her free hand... Which Arthur had no clue where she had gotten from, and proceeded to wave herself with air while equipping the expensive-looking object. "Please, you are not indebted to me." She scoffed, which was rather charming, had Arthur been a different man and not in the middle of... Whatever the hell he was in with Abigail, Dutch and John he may have made a move on her.

Saying his final goodbyes to Ivy, Arthur would have gone to see Amelia and Jacob but Dutch was his first priority. He had kept a close eye on his surroundings on his way to Ivy's estate after their meeting with their archenemy. Arthur couldn't see anyone following him and after spending a bit of time with one of their _few _allies he felt comfortable enough to head back to camp. Arthur's eyes scanned the land around him and looked carefully at everyone that passed by and eventually steered off the main path to keep himself undetected and the sun's deep gold rays were showering over the camp by the time Arthur got back.

Everyone was in especially good spirits due to Dutch's return and he could already see that everyone was setting up for a party, the only thing that was actually missing... Was Dutch. Glancing around, Arthur slipped off his saddle and trudged into camp as his eyes searched desperately for his mentor.

"Arthur!" The voice of Abigail caught his ears and he spun around to see her smiling face approaching him, and though he was sticking to his fortitude in keeping himself off of her, her radiating smile always seemed to warm his heart. "Hosea told me to let you know that Dutch was back if I saw you first. Where you and John been?" She asked, recalling that John had snuck away from her, and all at once the guilt he had pushed away came back and Arthur was quick to clear his throat.

"He and I had to get a stagecoach if we plan on seeing that money from the bank... W-Where is Dutch?" Arthur asked as he tried to deflect from him and John.

"Grimshaw forced him into your tent, he was a little sore and if he wants to join the festivities tonight he has to rest." Abigail explained with clear amusement written on her face and if they hadn't been in such a dire situation, Arthur might have laughed but he managed the small quirk of his lips.

"Thanks, Abigail." Arthur mused, making sure to use her name instead of a term of endearment, she was precious to him but... He had to put that wall between them.

Seeing slight surprise cross her eyes, Arthur was swift to turn away before he could back-track. Taking a breath as he started his approach towards the tent he hesitated for just a moment outside of the flap before brushing inside and pausing as he saw Dutch, shirtless, and drinking from a flask on his cot. It seemed like he was already celebrating behind Susan's back.

"Oh, Arthur... Thank god I thought I was caught." Dutch sighed before taking another healthy swig.

"I ain't no rat... But you sure that's a good idea?" Arthur inquired, watching Dutch sigh in exasperation.

"I stand corrected." He murmured under his breath as Arthur walked forward and holding out a hand.

Eventually, Dutch handed the flask over and instead of confiscating it as Dutch had assumed, Arthur took a swig of his own while he tried to think of a way to tell Dutch about his information. He was ready to admit it, but seeing that huge patch on Dutch's chest and seeing the weariness in his eyes... For one night, Arthur wanted to allow Dutch to relax and have a good time with his family. Nearly finishing the flask, Arthur swallowed harshly before handing the flask back to Dutch who seemed to be staring at him somewhat incredulously, perhaps Arthur had confiscated his alcohol after all.

"... You alright, Arthur?" Dutch asked out of curiosity more than anything, making Arthur curse himself.

"Me? O'course... Honestly, I'm just happy you're back..." Arthur replied, watching Dutch's intense eyes look him over.

For the first time, Arthur was thankful Dutch was injured due to his piss poor excuse, Dutch was basically a human lie-detector but because of the fatigue of travel and tenderness in his chest, his eyes soon averted and Arthur was able to breathe a sigh of relief for the moment. At least he didn't seem to be in the mood to press it if he did notice... And Arthur should have known better to assume he had won.

"Well, if you wanna talk about it later, you know where I'll be... Gettin' drunk and listening to Javier's beautiful music." Dutch chuckled softly.

"Javier? Music?" Arthur asked, he never would have assumed Javier was capable of something so... Interesting?

"You didn't know? He's an exceptional guitarist. He serenaded my bedside yesterday while you and John were gettin' that coach, how'd that go?"

Arthur gulped as he tried to rationalize lying to Dutch again... He was prepared to let it be and allow Dutch this simple freedom, but when Dutch asked Arthur that question, all that Arthur could see was that evil look in Colm's eye as he recalled the horror he put that innocent family through... As well as Annabelle. Reaching up, Arthur rubbed his eyes and scrubbed his face with his hands anxiously before settling next to Dutch on his cot and resting his head in his hands as he took a breath.

"... Arthur? What's goin' on? Did something happen to John?" Dutch asked, alarm hinting in his voice but Arthur's head quickly rose to shake it to at least give Dutch _some _solace.

As Arthur figured out his words, he reached down into his satchel and pulled out the folded up piece of the front page of the newspaper he had bought that morning and handed it to Dutch. He was still obviously puzzled and worried but as he looked down to the writing he read it and tilted his head.

"... John and I met up with that family... But we didn't leave them like that." Arthur muttered.

"I-I would hope not but who-"

"Colm O'Droscoll." Arthur stated, the silence following his admission cut the air like a knife as Dutch processed what had happened, soon a hard and unreadable look came over his expression as he looked down to the paper.

"... How do you know?"

"... Because John and I had a run in with Colm... Just earlier today." Arthur stated.

"What!?" Dutch barked, rising quickly from his seated position and holding his chest as he released a hiss and stumbling just slightly from his alcohol consumption, Arthur soon followed and reached over to support Dutch but his hands were shoved away. "What happened, Arthur?"

"Dutch please sit down-"

"What the _hell _happened, Arthur?" Dutch growled, and despite Arthur's heart pounding with anxiety for Dutch's condition he knew better than to argue with Dutch.

"... J-John and I were lookin' into what happened to that family... When we met up with them last night, we let them and their carriage go because the woman was..." Arthur trailed off as he recalled her bulging pregnant stomach, it made him sick to think about now. "... Well, I guess a couple hours later Colm intercepted them. They must've tracked me and John into the mountain cause as soon as they rode up on us and surrounded us... They warned us to leave-"

"_Warned us!?_ I'll show that pompous ass hillbilly garbage who should be leaving." Dutch snarled as he began to pace back and forth, Arthur took a breath, afraid this would happen.

"Dutch we already have a plan to leave don't we?"

"But we're not gonna let that asshole run us out of here, are we? Shit, Arthur!" Dutch spat as he doubled over for a moment and took a breath as the pain in his chest began to increase.

"Dutch look at yourself!" Arthur finally fought back.

"I'm fine!"

"You're fine?"

"_Yes_."

"Oh? Then take a swing at me. Take your _best _shot." Arthur encouraged, slightly shocking Dutch.

"What the hell is going on in here?" Hosea asked as he rushed in at the sound of a physical confrontation.

"Stay out of this, Hosea." Arthur warned.

"I'm not gonna hit you, Arthur." Dutch scoffed slightly.

"If you can't hit me you can't expect to hit Colm." Arthur challenged, watching the familiar flame ignite in Dutch's eyes again.

"Wait, wait, wait this is going to far-" Hosea was cut off as Dutch reared back and threw his fist into Arthur's face, and though it hurt, Arthur only staggered... Had Dutch been at full strength he would have laid Arthur out.

"... Thank you for provin' my point." Arthur mused softly as he reached up and rubbed his jaw, Dutch still packed a hell of a punch injured or not but rather be seething, Arthur was calm. "... Dutch, hasn't this thing between us and them gone on long enough? Hasn't it consumed us long enough!?"

"W-... What?" Dutch stammered.

"... Come on Dutch, we can't even kid ourselves anymore. We've done _nothing _for the last few years but steal from them and even up scores with them... We always said that we weren't in the revenge business Dutch but what have we been doing? Where do we go from here? Do you even know?"

"Arthur-"

"No, Hosea, I want to know." Arthur scoffed before staring at Dutch whose shocked expression spoke for him, taking a breath Arthur looked down to his arm, the scar that brought him back to the machete being _plunged _through it while they were isolated in the woods. "... Dutch, when I thought I was gonna lose my arm... I made you promise me that you wouldn't do nothin' reckless... And you told me that revenge is a fool's errand, _please _brother take your own advice." He sighed before brushing passed both Dutch and Hosea and ducking out of the tent, unable to be in there any longer, but as he walked out to see all the eyes in camp on him... He was soon reminded that canvas and actual wooden walls were different.

Thankfully though, it seemed the others were willing to give him some relief as they quickly went back to doing what they had been before the screaming match started. Arthur sighed and reached up, running a hand through his hair and slicking it back, he began to retreat away from the bulk of the group. He didn't like running away, but seeing Abigail's concerned eyes on him Arthur couldn't take it any longer. He felt more at home at the reservoir than in his own tent...

* * *

It wasn't until about two hours later that John finally rolled up, it was dark and he was chilled. He could hear laughing and music from the path, but as he got closer he could hear someone shouting from the darkness.

"Whose there!?" It was Uncle.

"John." The other replied.

"Just on time, you can take over for me the party is just about to start." Uncle mused matter-of-factly, though John arched a brow critically at the old man.

"First no, second what party?"

"Oh come on John! Dutch just got back today and everyone's dying to have some fun after the fight with Arthur." Uncle sighed only confusing John further, Dutch and Arthur never fought.

"Old man, stay here." John finally scoffed before brushing passed Uncle and toward the heart of camp.

As he walked, he could hear Javier's singing getting closer and the girls laughing, however before he could even look for Arthur, John felt arms come around him from behind and his heart clenched.

"Hey you, where'd you get off to?" Abigail chuckled, John took a breath before turning around to face her and taking her in his arms.

Despite feeling shitty about sneaking around behind Abigail's back, John was still delighted to see her. Her eyes were shining as they landed upon him.

"Sorry, I needed to lay low for a while after helping Arthur with the plan... Speaking of, where is he? Uncle told me some nonsense about he and Dutch fightin'." John mused, truly hoping that it was a fever dream from his _lumbago, _but seeing Abigail's expression fall, John frowned.

"I-I'm afraid it's true... I wasn't there but we all kind of heard it..." She mumbled before nodding toward the campfire where Dutch was nursing a whiskey bottle. "... Arthur hasn't come back from the lake yet." She mumbled.

As John observed Dutch, he could tell right away that it would be a terrible idea to ask the other man about the confrontation. Dutch was brooding and interrupting that would be at his own peril and while he wanted to ask Abigail what the hell had gone on while he wasn't around, he knew it was best to hear it straight from the horse's mouth. Looking down to Abigail, John flashed an apologetic look toward her.

"I-I don't want you to think that I'm tryin' to get away from you but..." John sighed, but he was thankful to see Abigail playfully roll her eyes and gently shove him forward.

"Go on." She granted, but as John leaned down to kiss her lips he could hear cackling from the (already) drunk Karen who was meandering toward them, slumping over Abigail.

"You two are so cuuuuuuute!" She chorused, making John clear his throat rather quickly and back away from them.

"That's my cue." He murmured.

"Come on, Karen." Abigail sighed as she started walking Karen back toward the fire.

John watched with a slightly amused gaze despite the interruption, but his mind was soon focused on his partner, and John began to walk toward the reservoir. He had to remind himself to keep his feelings at bay, but as he saw Arthur sitting, sipping his own bottle John took a breath.

"Hey." John announced softly, turning his head Arthur's expression was one of shock but he seemed relieved.

"Hey, you get back alright?" Arthur inquired as he stood up and brushed himself off.

"Yeah, I just got in... What happened between you and Dutch?" John asked back, though as he observed Arthur's face, even in the dim lighting of the moonlight he could tell that Arthur had taken a punch. "What the hell, did he do this?" he asked, reaching up to touch Arthur's cheek where there was slight swelling but he caught himself mid-air and he gulped.

However, as Arthur looked at John's hand that hovered in the air, he inhaled slowly and took a step forward and leaning into the touch. Now it was John's turn to be relieved, he released a small breath as his hand caressed Arthur's welt.

"... You told him bout Colm, then?" John finally asked, breaking the silence.

"Yeah... But don't worry, I asked for it." Arthur mused softly, finally smiling despite the pain in his face.

"You... Asked for it..?" John asked, his puzzled visage entertaining Arthur as always, but as they heard cheering coming from camp both of the outlaws jumped briefly, John's hand quickly recoiling from Arthur's face.

Once it was obvious they were still clear, both Arthur and John hesitated before looking back to one another. They had to be careful, they had talked about staying away from each other while they were here but... If Arthur was going to give Dutch a break after taking a hit from him then he was going to really relax, however there was someone else who needed John more. Sighing, Arthur still wasn't thrilled about returning, but he wanted to get John back, having a feeling John came down because he was worried.

"Come on, I'll tell you on the way back." Arthur replied, gently wrapping his arm around John's shoulders as he always did and bringing him close.

Finally feeling some reprieve, John smiled and leaned into Arthur's hold as he began leading them back toward camp and listening to the tale. While he wasn't really expecting for the conversation to take such a turn, he knew it was just a matter of time. Dutch was a good man, there was no doubt about that but it didn't take a genius to see that they were floundering once again. He just hoped that after getting the outburst out that Dutch would see reason.

As they got closer and closer to camp, Arthur eventually released his hold on John, already missing the contact, but he could see Abigail standing with Miss Grimshaw by the fire near Javier, and Arthur knew she was waiting for John... He had to give him up now, finally looking back to John he sent the other a small wink before he nodded toward Abigail.

"That woman has been patient enough... Don't worry about me, Marston." Arthur mused, and while John still didn't trust that Arthur was okay he had to admit the other was right with how good Abigail had been especially over the last couple of days.

"... Okay, yeah, you're right... You sure you're alright?" John asked, and though the answer to that question was a long and complicated one, Arthur nodded and watched as John begrudgingly turned away from him and began walking toward Abigail.

Arthur kept on the outside, he didn't want to spoil anyone's fun and he could still see Dutch drinking, though now he seemed to be drunk enough to be more fun. Arthur just pulled up a chair up to the table everyone played poker on and listened to Javier's pleasant music while he had a beer. He already had a buzz going anyway, there was no reason to get crazy, honestly, he wasn't sure why he didn't just go to bed... But it didn't take long for Arthur to figure it out... These people were his family and he loved them, he didn't always have to be in the middle of it to feel their joy.

As before, Abigail's eyes lit up when John walked toward her, and her happiness at seeing him transposed to John. Abigail was so beautiful, her smile lit every bit of darkness that John felt existed and he knew he was lucky to have her, child or not and it didn't take long for John to get into the fun.

* * *

The moon moved hastily along the sky as the laughter, stories and music carried on through the night. At the moment, most everyone sat around the fire, Abigail sat upon John's lap while they listened to one of the Reverend's drunken ramblings that never had a beginning or end, and soon Abigail yawned.

"You okay?" John chuckled softly.

"Yeah... I'm just exhausted, I was up sick last night." She sighed, unintentionally tugging at John's guilt once more.

"Well, why don't we head to bed?" John asked, but Abigail smiled and shook her head as she stood up, turning and resting her warm palm on his cheek.

"No it's alright, you still have a full drink... Just come join me when you're ready." She said before flashing a small grin at him and walking around John back toward his tent.

John's eyes followed her form but as he turned around to see her walking his eyes honed in on Arthur, still sitting alone at the poker table, though he seemed content doodling peacefully in his journal. He had a few empty bottles lined up next to him and John knew he couldn't help himself. With Abigail in bed now, he was free go do as he pleased... Standing up and discreetly moving away from the crowd, John checked his watched briefly as he snuck off toward the table that Arthur occupied by himself he noted it was about midnight, the party would still be going for another few hours at least.

When Arthur glanced up, he seemed pleasantly surprised, he hadn't even noticed that Abigail had gone to bed he was so into his sketch.

"... Mind if I sit?" John asked softly, a small smile quirking the corner of his lips, and Arthur nodded before motioning to a chair, only when John was sitting did Arthur slide the book over.

"What'chu think?" He inquired.

As John looked down it was plain to see why Arthur had been sitting alone content, the drawing was notably detailed... It almost looked like the Van der Linde Gang's last supper. He couldn't help but marvel down at it and when he caught sight of him and Abigail sitting together he tried to ignore the painful lurching in his heart... But now Abigail was in bed and he and Arthur were secluded away from the camp... Clearing his head, John reminded himself that they required restraint here.

"Wow..." John finally chuckled as he looked over to Arthur. "This is _really _good Arthur... I'm jealous." He admitted, seeing the familiar glint come to Arthur's eyes as he leaned a bit forward toward John.

"If anyone has grounds to be jealous here it would be me... Abigail gets to flaunt you like a trophy after all." Arthur mused quietly, watching John's face light up like clockwork, was Arthur _flirting _with him?

"Sh-Shut up." John mumbled before he could be swooned again, averting his gaze away and settling it upon those still gathered around the fire.

John wasn't sure what it was, perhaps it was the lighting or the way Arthur looked at him when he spoke but John suddenly had an urge to reach out and touch Arthur... They were basically concealed in the darkness since they were a good fifteen feet away from the fire, but it was too dangerous to even think about-

** _BA-BUMP._ **

John's thoughts were suddenly interrupted when the _tiniest _prodding sensation at his hand caught his attention... And when John looked down, his heart nearly exploded as he saw Arthur's little finger extended from the rest of his hand and brushing against John's own, effectively _seeking _his touch. Quickly averting his eyes again, John swallowed before his own pinky slowly began to move outwards as well until his smallest finger was linked together with Arthur's. John's heart raced but as he saw all of his very drunken family laugh and sing with one another with Arthur at his side... John relaxed as he finally gathered the courage to look over at Arthur again.

Arthur's eyes were filled with nothing but love as he looked upon the group of degenerates in front of them having a fun time that they desperately needed... And once again John was reminded of how much he fucking loved the man that sat beside him.

> We're in the homestretch of the hard times  
We took a hard left, but we're alright  
Yeah, life sure can try to put love through it, but  
We built this right, so nothing's ever gonna move it
> 
>   
When the bones are good, the rest don't matter  
Yeah, the paint could peel, the glass could shatter  
Let it rain 'cause you and I remain the same  
When there ain't a crack in the foundation  
Baby, I know any storm we're facing  
Will blow right over while we stay put  
The house don't fall when the bones are good
> 
>   
Call it dumb luck, but baby, you and I  
Can't even mess it up, although we both try  
No, it don't always go the way we planned it  
But the wolves came and went and we're still standing
> 
>   
When the bones are good, the rest don't matter  
Yeah, the paint could peel, the glass could shatter  
Let it rain 'cause you and I remain the same  
When there ain't a crack in the foundation  
Baby, I know any storm we're facing  
Will blow right over while we stay put  
The house don't fall when the bones are good
> 
>   
When the bones are good  
Bones are good, the rest, the rest don't matter (baby, it don't really matter)  
Paint could peel, the glass could shatter (oh, the glass, oh, the glass could shatter)  
Bones are good, the rest, the rest don't matter (ooh)  
Paint could peel, the glass, the glass could shatter (yeah)
> 
>   
When the bones are good, the rest don't matter  
Yeah, the paint could peel, the glass could shatter  
Let it rain (let it rain, let it rain)  
'Cause you and I remain the same (woo)  
When there ain't a crack in the foundation (woo)  
Baby, I know any storm we're facing  
Will blow right over while we stay put  
The house don't fall when the bones are good
> 
> source: [The Bones by Marren Morris](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qtl6qg_hGCM)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this chapter took an extra couple of days, I ended up losing the last 400 words of it and was VERY frustrated. I ended up having to rewrite it and that took some major willpower and motivation. Thank you as always for reading!  
-Eros


	32. Chapter 32

The next few days passed by rather smooth despite the temporary setback with Arthur and Dutch. They weren't exactly on speaking terms yet, but they weren't at odds either. Arthur knew Dutch would need a little bit of time to think and come to terms with reality. They were similar in that way though as Arthur got older he was beginning to see things more in perspective and if he was honest he was sure he had Hosea to thank for that no matter how much he loved Dutch. Thankfully with those couple of days, Dutch's injury was healing nicely. He had a long way to go but with Susan on his ass all day to relax, Dutch was forced to heal.

At least things between Arthur and John had gotten considerably better. They were still unable to do a lot of... Physical activities, in camp together but that didn't stop Arthur from attempting to make John blush at every second of the day with his words. For once, Arthur had a healthy distraction from his problems and the distraction was the man that he loved, he knew it couldn't get any better than this. Hosea and Javier were still going to town every day to spread the rumors about the set up that Dutch and Arthur had in mind while also keeping an eye out for any extra reliable guns but so far were still turning up short.

As usual though, whenever Arthur didn't have errands to run or people to shoot, he was sitting by the lake and doodling absent-mindedly in his journal as he sat on the bank with a cigarette pursed in his mouth. He hadn't even realized what was coming to life on the page until he looked down and huffed out a small breath in amusement when he saw the familiar loud-mouthed man that was always in the back of his mind.

"That's a good one." John suddenly mused from behind, making Arthur jump, and the cigarette fall from his mouth as he whipped his head around to see John chuckling softly at him. "Sorry."

"No, you're not." Arthur scoffed softly as he stood up and brushed himself off and trying to discreetly shove the leather-bound book in his satchel while he attempted to control the blush that was beginning to boil at his cheeks.

"You're right, I'm not." John replied with a small smirk, which only made Arthur want to remind John where his place was, which was _underneath_ Arthur.

"Careful there, cowboy..." Arthur warned all too sensually for John as Arthur stepped up to him while a small smile made it's way to Arthur's expression.

He and John had been careful there was no doubt about it but Arthur found he enjoyed the rather _shameless_ flirting they engaged in when they were alone. Arthur had forgotten how much fun it was to simply be attracted to someone and just enjoy their presence. Sure he had flirted with Dutch _and _Abigail on multiple occasions but John always felt different in the best of ways.

"I doubt you came all the way here to tease me with the way you walk, need something?" Arthur then asked, taking subtle satisfaction at seeing the soft pink hue cross John's visage even if just for a moment.

"You're right... Just came down here to offer if you wanted to come with us. Me, Hosea and Javier are going back into town to drum up some drama. Thought you'd might wanna get away from here." John explained, trying not to bring up the incident with Dutch.

"... I would, but I should probably stick around with Dutch bein' wounded and all... I don't trust that Colm O'driscoll doesn't have _some _inklin' of where we're hold up." Arthur replied, watching John shrug.

"I get that, but I wanted to offer." John replied.

Arthur nodded before his eyes shifted up behind John, scanning through the trees carefully. When no movement or sound caught his attention, Arthur reached up and gently tilted John's head up by his chin, his thumb carefully running along John's bottom lip as the other stood there much like a startled animal as usual. Once more, cobalt eyes turned up and doing a once over of the area before leaning in and catching John's lips just briefly.

"Thank you for that." Arthur then mused against John's lips before willing himself away from John before anything torrid could follow.

"You don't play fair." John scoffed softly.

"That's what happens when you sneak up on me, Marston. Go ahead and get goin' before they come lookin' for you, I'll be here." Arthur promised, and even though John obviously knew that, it was oddly comforting for Arthur to reassure him.

"Alright... You need anything from town?" John then inquired, finally watching Arthur shake his head, John reached over and took Arthur's hand and squeezing it just for a moment before turning away to trek back to camp.

As always, while John walked, Arthur's eyes lowered to John's ass unabashedly and had to suppress the wave of arousal that threatened to make returning to camp awkward. Taking a breath, Arthur reached back into his bag and pulled out the journal before turning back to where he was at and looking fondly at the doodle of John. He was getting far too attached to him... And Arthur knew it.

* * *

When Arthur finally walked back up to camp, the trio of guns had been gone for a while. The camp was quiet besides the occasional sneer of Susan at her next unsuspecting victim. His stride only paused as he saw his and Dutch's tent come into view... Sighing, Arthur knew things couldn't keep going on like this and if Dutch didn't come to him, it was time for Arthur to bite the bullet.

Upon pushing the flap gently to the side and ducking in, he could see Dutch laying on his cot seeming asleep with an arm laying over his eyes. Arthur was about to sneak back out when he heard the other speak.

"Who is it..?" He rasped softly, Arthur actually considered just running away while he could.

"... Me." He finally replied, watching as Dutch's arm came down from his face as his head tilted down a bit to see him.

"Oh... Arthur, I should've known I guess." Dutch mumbled, seeming just as nervous as Arthur as he began to push himself up, grunting slightly.

Without hesitation, Arthur quickly made his way to Dutch's side and reaching out to support his back while he gently pushed him up. Had they not been at odds, Dutch would have swatted Arthur's hands away but he had to admit he was far from unhappy seeing his must trusted gun.

"Thanks..." Dutch groaned softly once he was finally sitting up.

"You got it." Arthur replied stiffly as well.

Silence overtook and room and suddenly everything Arthur had planned to say was gone. Dutch had a way of doing that to him with his presence alone. Arthur eventually took a breath and reached up to run a hand through his hair.

"... Anything I could do for you?" Arthur then asked.

"You could stop acting like you got a stick up your ass." Dutch finally mused before looking up to Arthur and patting the spot on his cot next to him, seeing relief flood through Arthur's eyes as he lowered himself to his rear next to the tired man.

"Sorry..." Arthur mused softly.

"... Me too, and I shoulda said it long ago." Dutch then muttered as he stared ahead, giving Arthur some relief.

"You don't have to-"

"Let me say this, Arthur." Dutch cut him off, gently but firmly before his dark eyes surfed over to Arthur in the dim lighting of the canvas. "... You were right."

"I-... What?" Arthur asked, not really believing his ears.

"You were right, dammit." Dutch sighed, almost seeming embarrassed as he looked away from Arthur once more. "... I didn't even realize it but... I lose it when it comes to that man."

"It's... Kind of understandable, Dutch." Arthur reassured, watching Dutch chuckle tiredly.

"You can't just let me take the blame, can you?" He then asked, arching a somewhat amused brow over at Arthur as the obvious shock washed over his face. "... You always make excuses for me Arthur... Not anymore." Dutch then stated, the words affecting Arthur more than he was expecting, he was completely speechless, now he was the one blind to his own mistakes. "You gonna say something?"

"I-I..." Arthur stammered before glancing away clearing his throat as he tried to recover.

"Oh Arthur, did I catch you off guard? How cute." Dutch chortled tiredly as he reached over and rested an open palm on Arthur's thigh, and his heart was set ablaze.

Within moments, Arthur went from being stunned to being fearful because... As he looked down to Dutch's hand that rested on his leg, that desire to sever romantic ties with him began to dissipate. How was he supposed to just... Forget his time with Dutch anyway? Sure this relationship was casual, but Arthur knew his actual feelings for Dutch were so much more complicated than _casual._

Before Arthur could give in, he quickly took a breath and stood up to get Dutch's hand off of him as casually as he could appear to, he swallowed harshly... That was close.

"If you think I'm gonna forget about your condition, you're wrong." Arthur mused, reaching up and folding his arms as he looked down at Dutch somewhat playfully.

"My condition? Oh come on, you know I hate when people talk about me like that." Dutch groaned somewhat unceremoniously.

"That won't changed what happened to you, ya know... Speakin' of which... What are we gonna do, Dutch?" Arthur asked, seeing a hard look come over Dutch's expression for a moment.

"... I've been thinking about it last few days." He admitted, reaching up and running a hand over his face. "I... I can't stop thinking of that girl and her brother, Amelia and Jacob. If we really pull this off it would all be because of them..."

"... Is the great Dutch van der Linde feeling guilty?" Arthur then asked teasingly, watching Dutch huff and roll his eyes.

"Maybe it was my imminent death that gave me some perspective." He scoffed, reaching up and gently rubbing his stab site.

"What are you thinking?"

"... What if we give her half of the profits?" Dutch asked, watching Arthur's brows arch once more in surprise.

"That... Generous of you." Arthur said, reflecting his shock.

"Those _kids _have gone through much more than a lot of us... They actually visited me quite a bit while I was tethered to that bed. I don't know if I woulda made it sane without them. They're good people, I feel like we'd be doing an injustice to them by not giving them _something _of value besides our thanks." Dutch explained, impressing Arthur to say the least.

"I think that... That's a great idea actually." Arthur replied seriously, nodding. "There'll be plenty of money in that bank for us to share with her, even if we give her half of the proceeds, that money should keep us going for a couple months. We could at least get outta here with it... Right?" He then asked, watching Dutch critically.

For a moment that familiar bloodlust ignited in Dutch's black eyes at the prospect of _running away _from the O'Driscolls but he eventually took a breath and looked to the floor. It was still hard for Dutch to let this go, but he eventually looked back up to Arthur and met his eyes before nodding.

"I was thinking Oregon, they got a lot of virgin forests up there, Washington too." Dutch replied, finally taking the load off of Arthur's shoulders.

"You really wanna go back to the woods?" Arthur chuckled but took a step forward, reaching out and placing a palm on Dutch's shoulder for reassurance. "... I like it." He then said with a small grin.

As they had hundreds of times before, those dark eyes of Dutch's consumed Arthur's and that familiar quivering of his heart began to drum deep in his chest as the other reached up and took a gentle hold of Arthur's shirt before pulling him closer... And no matter how much Arthur wanted to refuse for both their sakes... He couldn't.

Leaning down, Arthur's eyes fluttered shut as their lips met. It was gentle, Dutch would still be recovering for a while yet but Arthur still felt his nerves ignite and his hair bristle. While the kiss was short-lived when Arthur pulled back... That fear returned.

The feelings he had for Dutch were far different than he the feelings he had for John... He was in love with John, Arthur had come to this conclusion already but this... Insatiable urge that he had for his mentor never ceased to leave him, even now as he felt the guilt ready to consume him... Arthur leaned back in and kissed Dutch a bit harder than before because if he was going to do this he needed to really commit to it.

Their tongues collided carelessly, but as Dutch began to usher Arthur closer... His eyes flew open and Arthur nearly threw himself off of Dutch, watching surprise come over the men before him as Arthur panted and tried to regain his composure.

"You alright?" Dutch asked.

"Y-Yeah I... I thought I heard something." Arthur murmured as he tried to transition into his smooth recovery after his guilt finally took over. "D-Dutch I-"

"... Yes?" Dutch questioned, tilting his head slightly in confusion.

_... I can't do this anymore._

"... Nothin'. I probably shouldn't say it here." Arthur chuckled sheepishly as a hand reached up to rub the back of his neck awkwardly and watching as Dutch smirked, seeming to believe his lie for now.

"You can say whatever you want when we're alone..."

"Yeah, I know... But it wouldn't be fair while you're still unable to get me back." Arthur mused, sending a wink to Dutch but knowing that he needed to leave before his fortitude weakened further, reaching forward one last time, Arthur brushed some hair out of Dutch's face. "... I should let you get back to resting... We good?"

"Arthur, you and me will _always_ be good." He replied with a smile before nodding.

Gently lowering Dutch back down before taking his leave, Arthur tried not to appear like he was in a hurry to be out but after he was finally free from his leader's _persuasive _aura, Arthur took a deep breath. As he released it, a hand came up to run down his face in exasperation. He had lost his nerve... Again. This was going to blow up in his face if he didn't grow a pair of balls.

However, before he could fixate on how he was going to doom the one relationship he was desperate to save... _Again_, Arthur noticed a particular black haired woman with laundry at her side as she walked towards the reservoir... Now Arthur's hiding place was occupied, though he reminded himself he wasn't inherently trying to avoid Abigail, he just assumed she wanted nothing more to do with him after the... Discussion they had.

She had been perfectly pleasant to him, there was no doubt about that but Arthur _hated _himself for what he had done to her. He was too ashamed to even be in her presence, he didn't want her to look at him with those kind eyes... Though before Arthur knew it, he was walking after her since she had gone alone. He couldn't help wanting to protect her after all.

* * *

Abigail walked at a leisurely pace, Susan had been kind to her as of late and not given her any grueling chores due to her own condition, but Abigail didn't like feeling like people were pitying her. Just the other night she was beginning to show, it was almost unnoticeable to the naked eye, but Abigail knew her body and she could already feel it beginning to change. Reaching down with her free hand, she rested it onto the hidden bump, feeling the small mound in her lower belly... It had about been three months and despite how heartbroken she had been in the beginning... A smile made it's way onto her face as she thought of what she would name it.

Carefully kneeling once she was at the water, Abigail took out the washboard and rolled up the sleeves to her dress, reaching down into her pocket and pulling out a bandana. She tied her hair up out of her face since she knew she'd work up a sweat, only then did Abigail get to work. Little did she knew she had a spy...

Hearing a stick crack in the distance, Abigail's head came up and looked behind her... Nothing. Blinking, Abigail gulped as the silence in the forest resumed... But she could feel it, someone was watching her.

"... Whoever is bein' a creep better show themselves before I show you my heel." She threatened.

"I'm not gonna test that." The familiar voice of Arthur set Abigail's worries to ease as she saw him slink out from behind a tree.

"Oh, Arthur... Sorry, I thought it was someone unsavory... But what are you doin' there actin' like a stalker?" She asked with a small giggle as Arthur began his approach.

"Nothin', just keeping an eye on you... You're alone after all." Arthur pointed out.

"You come here alone all the time." She scoffed, resting a hand on her hip while she stood up and dusted herself off.

"Yeah, but I'm man... With a gun, any thug who sees me will probably keep walking, you on the other hand..."

"I'm not a pushover, Arthur... You of all people should know that." Abigail argued with a small smile.

"Oh trust me, Miss Roberts I know but with you bein-" Arthur damned his nerves, why was he such a coward?

"... Pregnant? Is that what you were tryin' to get at?" Abigail questioned, looking amused if anything, though her smile was gentle knowing Arthur's feelings about it.

"... All I'm saying is, it's not a bad idea to take someone with ya... That's all." Arthur said, reaching out and tucking some stray hair behind Abigail's ear affectionately, though he smiled as she shooed his hand away.

"Arthur, women have been givin' birth to babies for thousands of years, and we will _keep _doin' it for years to come... I'm just pregnant." She reminded, watching as a blush migrated over Arthur's face.

"O-Of course." He mumbled, clearing his throat and glancing away from her, though Abigail's next question made Arthur's heart stop.

"... Did you wanna feel it?"

Blinking, Arthur's gaze resumed resting on Abigail, she was obviously nervous asking the question and treading lightly while doing so... Was she already that far along..? Time flew so fast, but Arthur's heart pounded heavily in his chest. He knew that prudence dictated that he say no and let that be the end of it but... He wasn't there to experience Eliza's pregnancy and Isaac's birth, for once Arthur had a chance to actually be there... Even if he kept at a distance.

Taking a breath, Arthur knew he wouldn't be able to answer with words, but he managed to nod and step forward as Abigail's hand came out to take his and guide it to the baby bump. She wasn't even sure if Arthur would be able to feel it, but as his palm came in contact with her stomach... Arthur's heart beat warmly, and that familiar sense of love and parental protectiveness that he had long since lost came flooding back and for a moment Arthur wasn't sure if he was going to be able to hold it together. Closing his eyes as the powerful emotions that he wasn't prepared for returned... His thumb carefully caressed the fabric that rested against Abigail's skin.

She couldn't help but blush, it was an intimate gesture after all. Most everyone was still in the dark about her situation, Abigail wanted to keep it to herself as long as she could and she had been dreading when her stomach began to bulge, but as Arthur's eyes finally opened, Abigail was almost rendered speechless with the emotion that resided within them.

Finally taking a step back, Arthur nodded his thanks. He knew that Abigail would never understand what a gift that was to him, but he would keep that to himself since this wasn't his child anymore... He couldn't believe he had to remind himself of it.

"... Arthur, if you... Ya know, if you ever wanna..." She mumbled, motioning vaguely to her stomach. "... You have a right to." She explained simply, wanting Arthur to know he was free to be as involved as he wanted to. "I won't tell John." She added, making another cold blade of guilt cut through Arthur's core.

Arthur knew Abigail wasn't offering his fatherhood to him, but even taking joy in secretly feeling the baby felt wrong. He didn't deserve how wonderful she was being to him, it actually made tears come to Arthur's eyes and he cleared his throat once more before he nodded again, not trusting his voice just yet but he soon reached forward, his hands gently taking Abigail's cheeks in them and cradling her face for just a few moments he smiled at her.

"... I don't deserve this." He sighed and leaned in, pressing his forehead against hers tenderly almost startling Abigail with its sincerity.

Not only was he disrespecting John with these moments that _he _should be having with Abigail, but he had been going behind Abigail's back and _fucking _the person that Arthur had _chose _to be the father of her child... And all the while she was so kind to him, never pushing him and being as patient as Hosea which was a feat in itself.

Abigail smiled, blushing only slightly as she reached up and rested her hands over Arthur's, she had recalled Arthur's story about his first child and knew that this process would be more than difficult for him, but he _was _the father... And if he wanted to touch her belly then dammit he had a right, even if they had to do it in secret. However, she could see that Arthur's and John's relationship had been much better as of late, despite the fact that she and Arthur had a romantic past, she didn't think John would forbid something as innocent as this.

"... Yes, you do. I didn't do this on my own." Abigail mused quietly, watching Arthur chuckle albeit tearfully and shaking his head, she soon reached up and caught a tear before it fell, gently brushing it aside delicately with her thumb. "But if you're not gonna help me with the laundry, then get outta my way." She then giggled playfully.

"You are gonna be a great mother." Arthur finally managed to say after he had reeled in the unexpected emotions that had slammed into him, finally releasing Abigail's cheeks and stepping aside for her, however as she went to pass him Arthur suddenly turned around and caught her wrist, watching her turn back to him with a confused look. "Um..." He muttered, the question he had wanted to ask dying in his throat, but he soon bit his tongue and released her hand. "... Do you... Have a name?"

The confusion soon disappeared from Abigail's expression... And nothing but a smile remained.

"... Jack for a boy... Ruth for a girl."

* * *

Arthur stayed with Abigail until her laundry was done and escorted her back, carrying the basket despite her fuss about being able to carry it herself. Deep down, Arthur knew Abigail was secretly thankful for the help, he could tell that scrubbing the clothes wiped her out. Abigail was a strong woman and no one had to tell Arthur that, but since she had become pregnant, she needed more rest though Susan made sure no one ragged on her about it.

The laundry was the most time-consuming chore, especially when it was neglected. It wasn't until the early evening when Abigail and Arthur returned, coincidentally just as Hosea, John and Javier were returning with not one, but _two _new faces... Although, if Arthur was being honest, it was one new face since they seemed to be twin brothers. John glanced over and his eyes lit up as he saw _both _of his favorite people making their way toward him.

Remembering that Abigail took priority in camp, when John dismounted his horse, Arthur stayed behind a bit and allowed Abigail to approach him first, handing off the basket of clean laundry to Tilly as she passed by him. Abigail immediately wrapped her arms around John's neck and he replied by just as quickly enveloping her in his arms, though as his head rested at her shoulder, his eyes opened to see Arthur waiting patiently with his arms folded, though Arthur couldn't help but smile at John, who smiled back.

Even though that was as far as they could go for now, just being able to see John made all this worth it to Arthur, and he had to admit he was happy for John to be back so he could stop thinking about Abigail's pregnancy as selfish as it sounded. He had taken a big step today, and that was as far as he was ready to go for now, he knew he would never be... Good about it, at best he would be a cool uncle, and that was enough for him.

"Ah, Arthur, glad you're here." Hosea greeted as he climbed down from Silver Dollar. "Dutch around?"

"He was layin' down last time I saw him, he might be up now."

"We can introduce him later tonight, but right now, Arthur this is Mac and Davey Callander. This is Arthur, our enforcer when times are good and executioner when times are bad." Hosea presented, hell Arthur could have blushed.

In the moments that followed, Arthur really looked over these two. They couldn't bring just _anyone_ on this job, but he trusted Hosea and John enough to know he didn't have to say that. These boys seemed mean too, the designated Mac had a particular look in his eye but despite that he held out his hand silently as well as Davey.

"That's a fancy title... You live up to it?" Davey inquired, obviously testing the waters with Arthur as he reached out and shook their hands professionally.

"... I dunno, the only people who know are dead." Arthur replied as he reached up and rubbed his chin as if he was actually trying to figure it out.

"Funny man, huh?" Mac replied, arching an unamused brow at Arthur.

"Sometimes... Not always." Arthur replied in somewhat of a warning.

"That's enough." Abigail then cut in, eyeing the three of them suspiciously. "You can have this pissing contest later... You men." She scoffed, rolling her eyes.

"And who're you?" Mac asked, a smirk etching on his face. "I don't take orders from a lady."

Arthur actually laughed, oh yes these men were a _fantastic_ choice to bring... Suddenly Arthur was doubting Hosea's judgment as he watched Abigail nearly drag John away before she could do something unladylike.

"Well, you will be takin' orders from me I assure you." Susan chimed in from behind Arthur as she approached.

"Says who?"

"Well, Miss Grimshaw here pretty much runs this place... To Dutch's dismay." Hosea joked to break some of the tension as Susan's icy glare landed on the pair of newcomers.

With no surprise, Susan won the glaring contest and for the moment Mac and Davey seemed to be done with their little remarks for now. With the pecking order established, Susan reluctantly showed Mac and Davey to their temporary sleeping arrangements until their plans were clear. Maybe they'd die during the raid anyway, though now Arthur's eyes landed on Hosea and he knew that his expression spoke for him.

"I know they seem..." Hosea murmured, trying to find the word.

"Like assholes?" Arthur questioned.

"Well, yes, but aren't we all?" Hosea snickered.

"... Touche."

"Look, I know they're rough around the edges but... They're confident, they can shoot a gun and... I don't know I just have a feeling they'll be good here." Hosea explained.

"Really..? You brought them here cause you _felt_ something?" Arthur sighed.

"Yes, do you trust me?" Hosea then inquired.

"O-Of course I didn't mean it like that." Arthur quickly defended. "It's just... We can't really be taking risks right now, and those two... They seem like big risks."

"I know... Just trust me, yeah? I think they'll be perfect for this." Hosea urged, Arthur finally put his hands up in surrender, he did trust Hosea nevertheless.

"Alright... I trust you old man." Arthur chuckled before he brought Hosea in for a brief hug of reassurance.

It was no surprise that Mac and Davey got along with Bill and Javier, for the most part. They couldn't help but poke some fun at Javier's race, but after that Arthur was surprised to see them settling in well after the first couple of hours. Arthur had to remind himself that this was only the first day and he wouldn't know how well suited for this gang they were until they did this job, but for now, he was sated with their behavior.

As the enforcer, Arthur typically hovered over new members when they first arrived, he had to keep them in check and keep them from harassing other members. It was quite entertaining how much like a pack of wolves this gang was. Everyone had their place in the gang and it was Arthur's and Dutch's job to keep them in line, Hosea was passed that point in his life and Arthur had no problem being the bad guy.

Keeping his eyes open for John, Arthur assumed that Abigail had stolen him away for some alone time which was to be expected. It made keeping an eye on the bulk of the crowd easier, though as evening turned into night, it soon became apparent that Arthur's job was done at least for now. He had stayed sober to make sure that Mac and Davey weren't confrontational drunks, but after introducing them to Dutch and coming to the conclusion that they were trustworthy for now, Arthur broke away before he could get swept up in Dutch again.

Like before, Arthur sat himself at the poker table like before and opened his journal, realizing he hadn't written an entry since Dutch had gotten wounded. Recalling the mindset he was in before, he felt like he was in a better place now and he didn't want to get out of the habit of writing.

_November 25th, 1894_

_Been almost a week since Dutch nearly got himself killed, I still worry about him but he's a tough bastard, tougher than most... Thinking I might lose him was sobering to say the least... And John, that man has no idea how good he has me wrapped around his little finger and I intend to keep it that way._

_To think I have him back is still unbelievable at times, the way he looks at me with those eyes... It feels like just yesterday he kissed me in the rain and awakened the part of me I never even knew existed. I just hope I don't make a god awful fool of myself once more, I love him too much to lose him... He's one of the few things in my life I have no regrets about._

* * *

John laid quietly in bed as he ran a hand through Abigail's hair, he seemed to do that a lot after sex with her. It was a relaxing sensation as John laid there thinking about what an asshole he was, because while he was laying with her, all he could think about was Arthur. If she knew...

Gulping, John had no intention on her ever finding out about his affair with Arthur but how long could they make it work? How long would it be before Arthur left him again? John could feel himself panicking as he thought of the completely uncertain future, which made him carefully untangle himself from Abigail's arms. He redressed lazily, not even bothering to put a belt on and he left a couple of the top buttons on his shirt open.

Turning back to Abigail before exiting, John made sure that she was tucked in since she was naked. She was so beautiful, but as he pulled the blanket up over her, John's eye caught something... Carefully pulling the blanket down just a bit to view her belly... He could see it, just barely, but he could see it for sure. That cold rod of fear vibrated through his whole body and John had to talk down the wave of nausea he felt, but he also couldn't help but feel a sense of... Pride maybe? He couldn't pin it but it was better than what he _had _been feeling the last week.

Smiling, John finally reached in and running a hand gently over Abigail's stomach before he covered her back up, leaning down and kissing her forehead before he snuck out of the tent. Upon his exit, his eyes were immediately drawn to Arthur who was sitting at the poker table again with his eyes locked on his journal, he seemed to be really focused on what he was writing and John couldn't help but be curious, though he had no plans on violating Arthur's trust like that again as he walked forward.

Arthur on the other hand already heard John disembark from his tent, he was much more careful when he was writing about more _sensitive_ information. As he heard John's footfalls grow closer, Arthur was still pleasantly surprised to see John walking toward him. It was hard to believe that eyes like those looked upon him with anything other than disgust, and Arthur cherished it.

"Hey." Arthur greeted warmly as he allowed his journal to shut and removed it from sight so he could focus completely on John.

"Hey." John parroted with a smile as he took his seat next to Arthur.

"Want one?" Arthur asked, sliding a bottle of beer toward John, typically he piled multiple up near him so he wouldn't have to get up everytime he needed a new one.

"Sure thanks. Did I miss anything juicy?" John inquired with a small snicker as he nodded toward those who were still around the fire, which consisted of Javier singing softly to his guitar, Bill who was passed out along with Mac and Davey, and finally Hosea and Dutch who were relaxing to Javier's quiet but melodic music.

"Nah... They're actually behaving well." Arthur replied with a shrug before settling his gaze back onto John while he opened the bottle and took a few generous swallows of the alcohol.

"I have to say I'm disappointed." John sighed, placing the bottle back down to the table.

"I'm not." Arthur snorted. "I'm the one who has to break it up." He added.

When they looked back to each other, for a moment both Arthur and John took just a moment to _really _look at each other, and even though they were unable to speak freely about their feelings for one another, their eyes did the talking. Though in the silence, Javier's voice stuck out to Arthur, quite a few people had already turned in for the night since there was still a lot to be done before the plan was put into action, so Javier's music had quieted but it was still _just_ loud enough for Arthur to get an idea.

"Hey, come with me." Arthur whispered before motioning to John.

Tilting his head, John wanted to ask Arthur what was up, but he just grabbed his beverage and got up, following Arthur to his tent. At first, John was suspicious of Arthur's motives, the tent's only light was from the campfire a ways away, making for extremely dim lighting. John almost bumped into Arthur, he was about to remind Arthur that there were people not even twenty feet away but when Arthur turned he held out a hand.

"... Dance with me?" He asked.

"W-What?" John asked, completely dumbfounded, watching Arthur chuckle softly at him.

"Shh... Come on, just dance with me, Marston." He ushered.

"... You serious?" John then questioned after a moment of consideration.

"If I wasn't, I wouldn't ask... Is that a no?"

"N-No I just..." John mumbled, suddenly glad that there was almost no light in here because he just _knew_ he was blushing.

Arthur watched John with an amused smile as the other took another swig of his drink before placing it down away from them and finally looking back to Arthur. Without another word, Arthur reached out and placed one hand on John's waist while the other took John's hand in his own. Arthur wasn't an expert at dance and he wasn't about to pretend that he was, but they didn't have to be to sway with the music.

Originally, John was uncomfortable with his hand being on top, but he _was _the woman between them though he would never _ever_ admit it, and after a few moments of stiff apprehension, he found himself beginning to relax. Arthur just smiled at him, not a condescending smirk, a real smile and John quickly felt like an idiot for doubting him earlier...

"... You can come closer, ya know." Arthur chuckled quietly.

"Yeah..?" John asked, taking a step forward toward Arthur, soon removing his hand from Arthur's and resting both of his hands at Arthur's shoulders while Arthur's hands took their rightful place at John's hips, pulling him even closer until their bodies were nearly pressed against one another while Arthur led their dance, John's arms eventually just slithering around his neck.

While John never would have guessed that he would be dancing like this with Arthur... It was nice, and all he could think of was how amazing this would be as a reality... But John knew that could never be, they were freaks of nature, not normal... And knowing that this was as good as it was going to get, John leaned in and pressed his lips against Arthur's firmly to make this moment perfect.

Releasing the breath he didn't even realize he was holding, Arthur leaned fully into John's kiss. He was so in love with John, Arthur didn't even realize it was possible to love someone so much... He never would have imagined dancing like this with a man, but goddamn it felt so right... He could have swayed all night there with John in his arms.

When Arthur finally pulled back and met John's eyes, he took a breath... Savoring this moment.

"... You like this?" He asked quietly.

"... Yeah." John whispered back.

> How do I,  
Get through one night without you?  
If I had to live without you,  
What kind of life would that be?  
Oh, I...  
I need you in my arms, need you to hold,  
You're my world, my heart, my soul,  
If you ever leave,  
Baby you would take away everything good in my life,  
And tell me now
> 
>   
How do I live without you?  
I want to know,  
How do I breathe without you?  
If you ever go,  
How do I ever, ever survive?  
How do I, how do I, oh how do I live?
> 
>   
Without you,  
There'd be no sun in my sky,  
There would be no love in my life,  
There'd be no world left for me.  
And I,  
Baby I don't know what I would do,  
I'd be lost if I lost you,  
If you ever leave,  
Baby you would take away everything real in my life,  
And tell me now,
> 
>   
How do I live without you?  
I want to know,  
How do I breathe without you?  
If you ever go,  
How do I ever, ever survive?  
How do I, how do I, oh how do I live?
> 
>   
Please tell me baby,  
How do I go on?
> 
>   
If you ever leave,  
Baby you would take away everything,  
I need you with me,  
Baby don't you know that you're everything,  
Good in my life?  
And tell me now,
> 
>   
How do I live without you,  
I want to know,  
How do I breathe without you?  
If you ever go,  
How do I ever, ever survive?  
How do I, how do I, oh how do I live?  
How do I live without you?  
How do I live without you baby? 
> 
> source: [How Do I Live by LeeAnn Rimes](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1Olo8gzgpC4)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, sorry that this chapter took a little longer, I was having a little bit of writers block and I'm not gonna force out shitty writing for you cause you deserve better lmao. I hope the chapters have been worth the wait and I promise things are really going to start kicking into gear soon, I just wanted one more nice moment goddammit! Lol as always thank you so much for your patience and kindness.  
-Eros


	33. Chapter 33

"Is everyone clear on their roll in this?"

Everything had been set in motion once Hosea found not one but two new guns for the assault on the rival gang. He had felt that they had done plenty of gossiping, John and Javier were also a large part of that. Their appearances made it easier for them to approach _actual _members of the Ravens in the bars without looking too suspicious. All that was left was to make sure everyone knew the plan inside and out, which was why everyone involved in the heist was currently in Dutch's tent so he could still sit comfortably to his dismay. It had only been a week since Mac and Davey had joined them, but they couldn't wait any longer, at least Dutch's injury had done a good deal of healing during that time even if he still had a while yet.

"I will be driving the wagon with Arthur. Mac, Davey, and Bill you three follow along both sides, once we get ambushed you two begin firing from cover. Javier and John will hang back for insurance, once things start to pop off you two catch up and start shooting from behind. Remember the only way this will work is if _we _have the upper hand here. We need to control the fight. Any questions?" Hosea finally asked.

"You want me and Javier to keep in the trees?" John asked.

"That'll probably be for the best just in case they come up behind us, we don't want them recognizing you two." Hosea replied. "Anything else?"

"How many people?" Mac inquired curiously.

"Honestly we don't know. Could be five, could be twenty." Hosea sighed, that was the one factor they couldn't rely on, this plan was to wipe out the organization after all.

"Well, we did a good amount of talking in town. I bet a good chunk of them will come and if not, I think there'll be enough of 'em to find out where the remaining men are staying." Javier explained.

"Good point. Since we can't really depend on all of them coming, once we do this maybe we should make a visit to their camp... Clean the rest of 'em out." Arthur mused.

They hadn't really thought of what would happen if their plan didn't work the way they wanted it to. It was still a little unrealistic to expect twenty people to come after _one _wagon, no matter how much they talked it up. Eventually, the plan developed into Arthur's suggestion near the end after a lot of debating mostly between Hosea and Dutch, who obviously sat in regardless if he was able to go or not. They would do their best not to kill _everyone _to get the information they needed for their little social call after all this was done.

They were only dismissed after the plan was set in stone. Despite Arthur's reservations about Mac and Davey, in the week that followed they had settled in pretty well. Fighting tooth and nail with Grimshaw was to be expected but with each day she wore them down a little more and Arthur figured that they'd get over having to take orders from her in time considering she had threatened to wail on them on multiple occasions already. In getting to know them on his brief interactions with them, it seemed that Mac was more volatile then Davey while Davey drank far more than his brother... It didn't take long for Arthur to figure out who was who despite that they were twins.

Arthur was the first to slip out of the tent once they were dismissed followed by John. Glancing up to the sky, Arthur hummed, knowing they would need to get things moving soon. They had talked longer than he was expecting which meant he wasn't able to spend as much _quality _time with John as he was hoping to, but as he glanced over to John, that undeniable sparkle in his partner's eyes made the disappointment he was feeling turn into anticipation on what he _could_ do with John despite their time being somewhat cut short.

"You wanna come with me? Gonna head to the lake." Arthur offered.

"Of course you are." John chuckled and nodded. "Sure, let's-"

"John!" Abigail called, making both men turn toward her, she was waving happily from where she and the other girls were sitting near the clothesline.

John released a small exhale before turning back to Arthur with an apologetic expression. He felt guilty for being disappointed to leave Arthur and _also_ felt guilty for looking forward to spending time with Abigail. This truly was a double-edged sword for John, and Arthur knew that... Because when John met his eyes again, those cobalt iris' were gentle and understanding, Arthur just smiled and nodded toward her.

"Go on..." Arthur mused simply.

John just smiled in reply before he nodded back and began walking toward Abigail, leaving Arthur to watch him trudge away. Normally, watching John walk away from him used to be indescribably painful for him but now... It was okay because he knew John would come back. Following through with his plan, Arthur sauntered in the opposite direction toward the reservoir that had really become a safe haven for him over these last couple of months. He trusted that he didn't need to hover any longer, he had already filled his social needs quota for the day and could feel an overload coming. He loved his dysfunctional family... He did... But God did they annoy him from time to time.

Seeing the water in the distance, Arthur approached one of the trees a little closer to the bank and leaning against it a bit lazily. The planning took a lot out of him spiritually, at least it felt like it. Reaching up, Arthur gently rubbed his eyes tiredly as he tried to mentally prepare himself for the night ahead. Arthur wasn't a man who feared death, but that didn't stop the jitters every now and again especially with such a dangerous job. There was still a high chance that he and Hosea could be shot.

"I can hear you thinkin' all the way from camp." Dutch mused, efficiently startling Arthur who jumped up away from the tree and whipped around to see Dutch standing behind him with a hand resting against the tree, how had Arthur not even noticed..?

"... No shit." Arthur eventually scoffed as Dutch chuckled, he must really have been lost in thought for Dutch to sneak up on him. "You sure you're okay to be walking this far..?"

"God, Arthur it's been two weeks." Dutch sighed. "Give me a little credit?" He asked, watching Arthur frown.

Arthur knew he had been treating Dutch somewhat like a child the last few weeks and he wasn't trying to... But it was the first serious injury in a _long _time that Dutch had taken, and deep down he knew that it was a ruse to keep Dutch off of him. _He _was the one too coward to let Dutch go and he was indirectly punishing Dutch for it, which only made Arthur feel more guilty.

"... You're right." He finally sighed before relaxing once more. "Sorry..."

"Don't be... You alright, Arthur?" Dutch asked, seeing something weighing on the man in front of him.

"Oh, yeah I'm just thinking about tonight." Arthur mused quickly in response.

"... No, that's not it." Dutch murmured, narrowing his eyes slightly, making Arthur's heart beginning to beat frantically in his chest, now that Dutch was getting back to his old self, his ability to detect bullshit was no longer wavering. "... Talk to me." He urged gently, reaching up and resting a hand on Arthur's shoulder.

Arthur swallowed harshly as he had been found out, he should have known it was only a matter of time before Dutch would start to figure out that something else was happening. Dutch wasn't a stupid man... And feeling his hand on his body, once more Arthur felt that burning desire to do what was right outweighed by his mentor's influence over him, indirect or otherwise.

"I-I dunno... Guess things have just been kinda crazy these last few weeks." Arthur muttered, currently floundering, too afraid to meet Dutch's gaze again because he knew he would be powerless if he did.

However, as Dutch's hand meandered over his shoulder up to his neck... Arthur's skin felt ablaze in its tracks, his hands actually began to tremble in his pockets.

"... You've done a lot." Dutch finally said, catching Arthur off guard enough for him to look up, Dutch's expression was hard and serious, but sincere. "... I-I don't know if I've said it but... Without you I-..." Dutch paused, glancing away almost bashfully. "... I don't know what we'd do, we rely on you _a lot_. I'm sorry that we all forget that." He stated, almost making Arthur blush with its candor and with helpless eyes Arthur watched as Dutch's other free hand came out to caress his cheek gently.

Arthur didn't realize how much he needed to hear that. He remembered it was just a few months ago that they arrived here, he had a similar conversation with Dutch but now... Things were different... _They_ were different.

The air was heavy and Arthur suddenly had no clue what he was supposed to say. He was rendered speechless once again nearly gawking at the man in front of him. Watching as a smile appeared on Dutch's expression before his thumb gently stroked Arthur's stubbled cheek.

"... Arthur, you're usually not so tame." He chuckled, watching as crimson rolled over Arthur's cheeks and he was quick to pull away from Dutch with a small huff.

"Catching me off guard ain't fair." Arthur grumbled, trying to reel his emotions back in, he _had_ to end this... He had to end this now, but before the words could leave him Dutch's arms quickly came out and caught Arthur's waist.

"There he is." Dutch chortled affectionately, leaning in and quickly catching Arthur's lips in a quick kiss before they soon migrated to his ear. "... How about I reward you..? It's been a while since you've gotten any attention..." He mused against Arthur's skin.

_Fuck_.

Arthur wished he hadn't essentially backed himself up against a tree... But once he felt Dutch's lips ghost at his neck... He knew fighting this was impossible. Arthur couldn't help but release a shuddered breath and lean his head to the side once he felt the hands at his waist beginning to lower to his hips and feeling Dutch take a step closer. He couldn't lie and say he didn't miss being with Dutch like this... But he enjoyed being with John more.

"D-Dutch wait..." Arthur murmured, his voice strained a bit with lust, clearing his throat while he still had the motivation. "Y-You're wound, we can't-"

"_We_ can't... But I can." Dutch purred, confusing Arthur thoroughly enough to derail his train of thought for the moment.

However, Dutch's intentions were made clear when he quickly knelt in front of him. Arthur's eyes probably doubled in size as he quickly looked around for any onlookers. Dutch usually wasn't a risk-taker, at least... Not like this, but as Arthur watched while Dutch reached out and began to unbuckle his belt... He took a breath. There was no point in fighting anymore, Dutch's control over him was far too great, and seeing Dutch on his knees, all the blood in his body seemed to flow downward.

Hesitantly reaching out, Arthur's hand entangled itself in Dutch's hair as he freed Arthur's swelling erection from his jeans. He flinched when it finally disappeared between Dutch's lips and his breathing hitched, Arthur soon leaned his head back. There was almost nothing sexier than _the_ Dutch van der Linde kneeling in front of him sucking him off, he couldn't help but love it... And Dutch was a master at breaking Arthur down until there was nothing left of him but a heaving mess waiting to be devoured.

Arthur gasped softly as Dutch moved his shaft further along into his throat and when he eventually started a pace bobbing his head up and down on Arthur's cock, he almost felt like he would crumble. Releasing a soft groan, Arthur bit his lip and looked back down.

"D-Dutch are you sure that-" Arthur's words were cut off as Dutch's hand came up to unexpectedly massage his balls, the look in his eyes telling Arthur to shut the hell up.

The feeling of Dutch's mouth working professionally on his length and his hand teasing and manipulating his sack was almost overwhelming. He could already feel that hot feeling deep inside him beginning to build. Arthur wasn't someone who finished early, but he hadn't been with Dutch in weeks... Arthur grunted and shivered as sweat began to form at his brow and his breathing began to pick up.

"F-Fuck..." Arthur groaned, slightly bucking his hips forward.

The way Dutch took him in without flinching drove Arthur crazy... He had never met someone who adjusted as quickly as Dutch which pegged Arthur's suspicions once more that he wasn't the first man that Dutch had done this to but that didn't bother him. All Arthur could think about now was unloading into the back of Dutch's throat. One hand still surfed through the deep ebony locks while the other clutched at the trunk of the tree, he was so close...

Calling upon whatever he could to keep himself lasting as long as he humanely could, it wasn't much longer before Arthur's seed erupted and the feeling of bliss overcoming him while Dutch swallowed every drop like a goddamn succubus... He was _way_ too good at that, better than any woman or man Arthur had ever been with to his dismay... Even better than John, and Arthur still dreamt of that man's mouth on him. Arthur panted while he leaned against the tree for support. When he opened his eyes, Dutch was ascending, his thumb wiping his smirk free of any of Arthur's _aftermath_.

Dutch's black eyes reflected the lust that he too felt, and as he leaned in Arthur didn't resist as the other kissed him. Tasting himself so erotically on Dutch's tongue nearly made Arthur hard all over again, but something else took importance now... Reaching forward, Arthur took ahold of the bulge that now almost throbbed within the confines of Dutch's pants. He hissed and pulled back with a small grunt of his own before he reached down and caught Arthur's wrist and watching confusion wash over his protege again.

"... No time." Dutch chuckled almost breathlessly, Arthur blinked and turned his head toward the lake to see that the sun was indeed beginning to set, they had to start getting everything packed and staged, damn the winter.

"Y-You sure..? I want to..." Arthur murmured having finally caught his breath, though the blush still remained on his face.

"No, I'm not... But we don't want them sending someone after you... Besides, remember Arthur, I reward good boys." Dutch teased with a grin.

Rolling his eyes, Arthur sighed before finally readjusting his length back in his pants and buckled his belt back up. So much for calling it quits...

* * *

John on the other hand was already on his way back toward the reservoir when he realized that it was a false alarm with Abigail. She wanted to ask about the plan but soon shooed him off so she and the other girls could finish their chores. He felt a bit of relief knowing that he'd be able to spend some time with Arthur before the job. He had a feeling in his gut... Something was wrong.

He wasn't rushing but he wasn't dragging his heels either, John trekked toward the water as his mind focused on Arthur... It seemed to do that a lot. If Abigail wasn't pregnant he would really consider still begging Arthur to run away with him. Huffing out a breath, John reached up and ran a hand through his hair as he walked. Arthur always had a way of calming him down even in the worst situations. He couldn't help but smile fondly at the memory of being in the river with Arthur all those years ago. He had talked John through it all so beautifully... That was when his feelings for the other man first began to really blossom.

Butterflies erupted through John's stomach as he walked. He was beginning to see the reflection of the sunset off of the water-

"F-Fuck..."

John stopped in his tracks, looking around for who made the sound he frowned, it sounded like Arthur. Was he hurt? He considered calling for him when he finally saw Arthur's form peeking out from the other side of a tree about twenty feet away. He was relieved seeing that Arthur was standing and John actually opened his mouth to say something until he noticed a particular look on his face... He wasn't sure why, but John quickly sidestepped behind a tree to cover himself before he carefully looked around the corner.

His brows furrowed slightly as he tried to gauge the situation, but there were too many shrubs and bushed for John to get the full picture. Why was he spying on Arthur anyway..? Surely he-

Without warning... _Dutch_ of all people began rising from below... And suddenly everything in John's world stopped.

There was no way... No way! This had to be some kind of mistake, but John glared at the two, watching intensely as Dutch leaned in with a smirk... And kissed Arthur.

_ **BA-BUMP.** _

John quickly whipped back around, his heart feeling like it had just fucking _shattered_. All this time... Arthur had been running to Dutch when he wasn't being given easy access? John was risking a _normal_ relationship with Abigail by cheating on her with Arthur... And this whole time...

_I got you, John... You won't be alone in this._

_I'm yours. Whenever you want me... Or whenever you don't... I'm yours, no matter what... I promise._

John reached up and quickly clapped a hand over his mouth, afraid he would spew. He had to get the fuck out of here before they found him... Doing whatever he could to keep his shit together, John somehow managed to sneak away. Though the closer and closer he got to camp the closer he came to breaking. He made a beeline for his tent and as soon as he was alone, John began pacing back and forth in his tent, trying to process what he had seen.

It was like a bad dream that kept repeating over and over again in John's head... The way Dutch kissed him... That wasn't their first liaison, John was willing to put money on it, but for how long? Did he even want to know the answer to that..?

_I was almost hoping I'd push you to someone else._

Without warning, John quickly put his hand back up to his mouth again as a sob tore through his body and he dropped to his knees. His other hand clutched the fabric of his shirt over his heart... It hurt so _fucking _much. Arthur was using him... Again...

Now all John could see was the way Arthur looked at him in that fucking hotel room... The way his eyes saw through all his fear and insecurities... John had fucking fell _in love_ with him all over again... And John believed him.

_You believe me, John..? I remember that night like it was yesterday._

John _fucking_ believed him.

His vision was blurry, unable to see clearly through the tears that he shed for that fucker all over again. How in the fuck was he supposed to do this now? How the hell was he supposed to raise a baby and... Look at Arthur every day knowing this horrible truth and not say anything?

... Was it even worth saying anything? Arthur knew John like the back of his hand and John knew that he was too weak to resist Arthur, especially when he put on that sullen act... And suddenly all that grief he felt began to simmer and boil into something much more dangerous. Honestly, he could have killed Arthur... But as his eyes glanced over and settled on his overnight bag, suddenly the answer was clear.

John _couldn't_ do this anymore... He still hadn't even gotten around the idea of having a kid and now... Just the thought of sticking around threatened to start a panic attack but if he left... There would be no turning back.

Reaching up, John ran a hand over his face and wiped away the tears that had spilled over during his breakdown... A trembling hand grabbed his pack and slid it towards himself and looking inside, it was empty. John then took a moment to survey his tent, he really didn't have a lot of belongings, the rest of the stuff like the cot and the chest he used to store some of his valuables he could just leave behind... There was also another larger bag on his horse, he'd just have to be discreet, he didn't want anyone asking questions after all.

John paused only for a moment, the band of men he would be riding with would notice that his horse would be packed up and ready to go... Frowning John began thinking of ways around it when he recalled that they'd technically be making two stops tonight, the wagon ambush and then the enemy camp... John figured he could probably slip away during the chaos and sneak back to grab his things. The only problem would be Abigail... She came to his tent often after all.

So many factors played into John's own plan. Only when he was sure that he had got his shit together he trudged out to Gypsy and grabbed the bag that was draped underneath her saddlebag. His eyes scanned around him carefully, relieved that Dutch and Arthur didn't seem to be back yet before slipping back into his tent. He packed quickly and quietly, ultimately leaving his pelts on the cot and then stowing his packed bags carefully, one in the chest and one underneath his cot.

If he was lucky, he'd be able to get back and gone before Abigail went to bed if she decided to use his tent tonight... When he was finished, John meticulously checked his room, making sure nothing suspicious of his plans were sticking out and when he was satisfied, he plopped back down onto his bed. He couldn't go out and face those people... Face Abigail... Knowing he was going to betray them so gravely.

All at once again that feeling of sorrow plunged into John's chest like a knife. Why him..? Why did Arthur do this to him? Did he get a sick fucking thrill out of seeing him broken?

... Was it all a lie?

* * *

When Arthur and Dutch finally returned, Arthur quickly reached up and wiped the sweat away from his brow. He wasn't expecting what had just transpired between him and Dutch but he certainly was more relaxed and limber now so he wouldn't complain. Arthur's eyes couldn't help looking around for John and puffing out just a small breath of disappointment at not seeing his form. However, he could see Javier, Mac, and Davey loading up the wagon and Bill counting ammunition. It seemed Dutch wasn't lying, they had just taken a big risk...

Once more, Arthur cursed himself for being such a weakling, he should have broken things off with Dutch, not gotten a blow job from him. He and Dutch shared a brief glance before they separated and Arthur honed in on Hosea who placed his familiar blue hat upon his head, which couldn't help but warm Arthur's heart a bit. It seemed like he was finally back with them, it was hard to believe just months ago the man was living in the bottom of the bottle.

"Hey, need anything from me?" Arthur offered.

"No, I'm pretty sure everything in there is staged. The crates and barrels are empty though, so be careful while we're drivin'." He remarked, Arthur nodded as the group began to assemble around the two.

"We about ready to go?" Arthur asked.

"Where's John?" Hosea inquired back after counting heads, Arthur tilted his head and looked around once again before humming.

"I'll go look for him." He offered before beginning to walk towards John's tent.

Peeking inside a bit and seeing John on the cot, Arthur arched a brow before brushing inside. John nearly jumped out of his skin seeing Arthur walk inside, he wanted the other as far away from him as possible and now they were together alone in his tent...

"Hey, we're gettin' ready to go, you good?" Arthur inquired, watching John stand quickly.

"Y-Yeah I'm fine. Sorry I didn't mean to keep you waiting..." He muttered reminding himself that he couldn't give away how he really felt.

"No worries... You alright, cowboy?" Arthur asked, approaching John while the term of endearment threatened to make John sick.

"I said I'm fine didn't I..?" John almost growled, watching a slightly surprised look come over Arthur. "S-Sorry, come on before anyone comes lookin'." He mumbled before quickly brushing passed Arthur and ducked out of the tent.

What the hell was that? John hadn't lashed out at him like that since before they had got back together. He wondered if he had a fight with Abigail, he hadn't seen her since he got back either. Arthur almost considered going to look for her but he didn't have the time to waste. Sighing softly, Arthur followed after John and exited the tent before trudging back to the group of men gathered around Hosea, when he returned it seemed Dutch was there too.

John couldn't look at Dutch either, he knew it was somewhat unfair to hate him but he couldn't help but feel some kind of resentment toward him while this was still raw. Why did he have to have Arthur..? Why couldn't he pick someone else..? Unless Arthur initiated it... Fuck! John reached up and quickly rubbed his eyes as he drowned out the talking. He already knew what the fuck he was doing anyway, why did they have to replay the same speech _over and over_ again?

"Alright, everyone remember, keep in cover and watch over Arthur and Hosea." Dutch stated seriously. "They're gonna be the most vulnerable until they can get to safety, make sure you cover them. Stay strong and stay safe." He then said, his tone hinting at the sheer disappointment and worry he felt not being able to go, he had complete faith in his team but it wasn't the same not being able to be there with them.

"We will be, Dutch." Arthur assured, reaching over to pat his shoulder gently.

John watched the interaction, nearly seeing red as he watched their gazes meet and the way they looked at one another. How the fuck had he never noticed it!? It seemed so obvious now, even though the gesture only took a few seconds it was right there in front of his face the whole time. He felt like a goddamn idiot all over again. Quickly turning as he felt that harsh lump in his throat beginning to form, John approached Gypsy, quickly climbing onto her saddle and kicking her.

"H-Hey! Hold on Marston!" Javier called as he saw John leaving without him, quickly running over to his horse so that he could catch up, Arthur and Dutch turned towards the brief commotion and Arthur furrowed his brows.

"... He alright?" Arthur inquired to Hosea and Dutch, glancing over.

"Dunno, I left not long after you did." Dutch replied.

"I didn't hear anything indicating a fight... Maybe he's just nervous about the job." Hosea added.

"I've seen him nervous... This is not that." Arthur murmured.

> Steel to my tremblin' lips  
How did the night ever get like this?  
One shot and the whiskey goes down, down, down  
Bottom of the bottle hits  
Waking up my mind as I throw a fit  
The breakin’ is takin’ me down, down, down
> 
>   
My heart’s beating faster  
I know what I’m after
> 
>   
I’ve been standing here my whole life  
Everything I’ve seen twice  
Now it's time I realized  
It's spinning back around now  
On this road I'm crawlin'  
Save me 'cause I'm fallin'  
Now I can't seem to breathe right  
'Cause I keep runnin' runnin' runnin' runnin'  
Runnin' runnin' runnin' runnin'  
Runnin' from my heart
> 
>   
'Round and around I go  
Addicted to the numb livin’ in the cold  
The higher, the lower, the down, down, down  
Sick of being tired and sick  
And ready for another kind of fix  
The damage is damning me down, down, down
> 
>   
My heart’s beating faster  
I know what I’m after
> 
>   
I’ve been standing here my whole life  
Everything I’ve seen twice  
Now it’s time I realized  
It’s spinning back around now  
On this road I’m crawlin’  
Save me 'cause I’m fallin’  
Now I can’t seem to breathe right  
'Cause I keep runnin' runnin' runnin' runnin'  
Runnin' runnin' runnin' runnin'  
Runnin' from my heart
> 
>   
Oh, I’m coming alive  
Oh, I’ll wake up now and live  
Oh, I’m coming alive  
A life that’s always been a dream  
I’ll wake up now and live
> 
>   
I’ve been standing here my whole life  
My heart’s beating faster  
I know what I’m after
> 
>   
I’ve been standing here my whole life  
Everything I’ve seen twice  
Now it’s time I realized  
It’s spinning back around now  
On this road I’m crawlin’  
Save me 'cause I’m fallin’  
Now I can’t seem to breathe right  
'Cause I keep runnin' runnin' runnin' runnin'  
Runnin' runnin' runnin' runnin'  
Runnin' from my heart  
'Cause I keep runnin' runnin' runnin' runnin'  
Runnin' runnin' runnin' runnin'  
Runnin' from my heart
> 
> source: [Runnin' by Adam Lambert](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4UFDgLsSyzA)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OKAY I DON'T THINK ANYONE UNDERSTAND HOW LONG I HAVE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS MOMENT LMAO. I'm incapable of letting Arthur and John be happyyyyyyyy. Lol, I hope everyone is happy with the quick update and the heartbreak soon to follow!  
-Eros


	34. Chapter 34

The nagging feeling that something was wrong never left Arthur's gut even as he and Hosea climbed up into the driver's seat of the wagon. It wasn't like John to brush him off like that, and then to take off the way he did? Something must have happened to sour his mood, he was so pleasant right before he left Arthur's side...

"You're going to have to let him figure things out for himself, ya know." Hosea remarked in a slightly amused manner.

"What makes you think I ain't?" Arthur huffed softly, embarrassed that he had been caught obviously thinking about John.

"No matter how much you deny it, you care about the boy. You two are nearly inseparable... I must say I'm impressed just a month ago you two were still having problems speaking to one another. How'd you do it?" Hosea inquired curiously.

Arthur gulped subtly as he recalled John climbing into his lap when Arthur had located him in that shed. He looked so sweet, maybe even harmless, though John was anything but. They were finally together again after all these years...

"We punched it out." Arthur snorted simply, watching Hosea puff out a chuckle of amusement.

"Ah to be young again." He chortled as Arthur snapped the reins forward toward their destination.

Despite the pleasant conversation, when Arthur and Hosea caught up to John and Javier... John wouldn't look in his direction. There was something about him that just didn't settle right with Arthur... It's like there was a wall between them again and it chilled Arthur to his very core.

"We'll start after you in a bit!" Javier called.

"Sounds good, good luck gentlemen!" Hosea replied before the wagon began its journey.

Taking a breath, Arthur reminded himself he couldn't afford to be distracted with so much riding on them. Focusing on the job ahead, Arthur tried to estimate how many people would actually show up, however recalling something he read in the paper, he glanced over to Hosea.

"This might not be as bad as we're expecting." He stated.

"What makes you figure that?" Hosea asked, arching a brow.

"Well, I was reading in the paper bout a week ago that some of the Ravens were arrested because of that family's murder. If they're still in custody, their numbers have suffered a bit of a blow." He explained.

"Huh, maybe Colm did us a favor for once..." Hosea mumbled.

"Don't tell Dutch that." Arthur chuckled softly.

As they continued on into the night, Arthur knew they were likely to be ambushed anytime. His gaze darted to his left and then his right; Mac, Davey, and Bill were hidden well... So well that Arthur couldn't tell that they were and he just hoped when the time came they wouldn't fuck this up. It seemed a bit silly to only have new people guarding them so close while their more reliable members tailed behind. Even though they had just recruited Javier just in the last few months, Arthur could tell he was a keeper. This would be a decent test for Mac and Davey assuming Arthur and Hosea weren't killed, despite Bill being with them, Arthur doubted his... Leadership skills.

It wasn't much longer until the padding of hooves began to assemble from behind them.

"Here we go." Hosea whispered softly before two men came upon each side, adorning black.

At first Arthur was concerned that they really only sent two people, but he wasn't disappointed when more and more began to appear from behind.

"Evenin' fellas." One man rasped from beneath a charcoal bandana. "What're we transportin' here?" He inquired.

"What's the meanin' of this? We're only transporting goods back to our farm." Hosea gasped in mock offense.

"Oh really? Word is ya'll are smugglers..." Another crowed, it seemed that Hosea's lies had done the trick.

"Stop the goddamn wagon! Now!" The ringleader of the operation then snarled, pulling out a rifle and aiming at Arthur.

"Good lord, stop the wagon son!" Hosea exclaimed, watching Arthur pull back on the horses while the two of them quickly put their hands up.

When the horses slowed to a stop, Arthur took his time to carefully survey his surroundings. It seemed that there were eight of them here, not bad, they weren't horribly outnumbered and soon Arthur wasn't nearly as concerned about their chances in this battle.

"Either of you two move, you get a bullet." Threatened a man as those gathering behind them began to dismount and walk toward the wagon.

The closer they got the more nervous Arthur became, their cargo was empty soon and any idiot would see this was a set up when that was discovered. Once more, Arthur's eyes darted into the trees and he began to wonder if Bill and the twins were really going to fuck this up. Feeling the weight of the wagon shift when they were boarded, Arthur hesitantly looked over to Hosea who looked just as tense as he did.

"Hey! These crates are empty!" One lackey bellowed.

"What?"

"These barrels too."

"Well check 'em all! One of them has to be full of somethin'!" The squad leader sneered, looking to Arthur and Hosea. "For these two's sake, there better be."

_Come on, Bill... Any time now._

"Boss we're not finding anything!"

Frowning, the covered man glared back to Arthur and Hosea, and there was clearly a mean look in his eye. He wasn't afraid to shoot them, Arthur could see it and sweat was beginning to form at his brow. What the hell was taking them so long!?

"Check underneath the wagon... I'm gonna have a chat with our friends here."

Watching quietly, the stranger guided his horses up to the side of the wagon, nearly face-to-face with Arthur. Though, before Arthur could say something smarmy, a barrel of the rifle was soon pressed against his Adam's apple, discomfort was barely scratching the surface of what Arthur felt.

"... Talk."

What the hell was he supposed to say? There was nothing to give them!

However, just as Arthur began to open his mouth to reply, the man's head exploded _all over him_. Flinching only slightly as brain matter and blood spewed over his face and clothing, Arthur and Hosea didn't hesitate in reaching beneath their seats and pulling out the concealed weapons they had planted specifically for this occasion. Aiming rifles at the remaining men, the shoot out began.

"Shit we were set up!" Someone cried, but Mac and Davey's aim was no joke.

By the time John and Javier caught up to help with the ambush, the men were beginning a retreat which led them right into the two guns riding up from behind. Pulling out a shotgun, Javier blasted one off his horse while John intercepted the other with a rifle drawn. Shocked that he was cornered from behind as well, the last remaining Raven gasped harshly and threw his hands up into the air.

"W-Wait don't shoot! I-I surrender-"

Suddenly the man was ripped off his horse by a lasso and looking over John could see Javier with a rope in his hand. Glancing ahead of him, the wagon was probably only about fifty feet away and the rival gang was already beaten, how pathetic... And there wasn't nearly enough chaos for John to escape yet.

Arthur on the other hand, after making sure there were no more bullets whizzing through the air, he reached up with a slightly disgusted expression with one hand, trying to wipe off the gore on his face when Bill, Mac, and Davey finally emerged from the trees. Getting a look at Arthur, Davey cringed.

"Uh... You got a little..." He mumbled, motioning to his face while Arthur glared daggers at them. "Nevermind."

"Huh, I wonder _why__?"_ He growled, though Hosea was kind enough to hand a handkerchief over to him.

"We wanted to make sure they were reeled in Morgan. Ya'll kept saying we only had one shot at this." Bill scoffed.

"But you had to wait until there was a gun at my throat?" Arthur growled.

"That's enough, the point is it's done." Hosea sighed.

"And we got a live one!" Javier called as he and John approached, dragging a man from behind on his horse.

"W-Wait please! I'm just a newcomer! I-I just been riding with them for a few months!" The man squealed as Arthur climbed down from the wagon, following Hosea as well as everyone else from their respective horses, now the real work began.

"A few months too long." Bill chuckled. "Want me to-"

"I got this." John suddenly piped up, making Arthur pause in his movements in wiping his face.

While most everyone gathered around, John was the one to approach the bound man and flip him around onto his back. He suffered only minor damage from the fall off his horse as well as superficial damage to his clothing from the short distance he was drug... But John would fix that.

"Where you hold up?" John immediately asked, grabbing a fistful of the man's collar and rearing his other fist back.

Looking at the captive, Arthur didn't think it would be long before he cracked, he really did seem like a new recruit, someone who wasn't expecting things to get this real. However, John showed no mercy, his first hit using most of his strength.

"I-I don't understand-"

**WHACK.**

Another hit and this one was harder than the last, making the man cry out since, in just two hits, John had broken his nose.

"Easy John..." Hosea mumbled, noting John's unstable aura.

John didn't even hear him, all he was picturing was Arthur beneath him as he hit him again... And then again. Arthur frowned, realizing that John could end up killing this man before they got any information out of him.

"Whoa John! Careful!" Arthur finally barked, watching John's trembling arm finally hesitate.

"I said I got this!" He snarled, whipping his head back toward Arthur, the feral intensity in his eyes shocking Arthur with how angry he looked, he worried that John was going to keep at it but he seemed to finally take a breath and look down at the man who was already threatening to fall unconscious as his head lulled to the side, his form slumped in John's grasp but he felt nothing.

"You gonna answer me? Or am I going to bust your skull in here and now?" He threatened, watching the man release a pained and slightly raspy groan.

"N-... Near Prospecter's Landing... I-Its by the old silver mind up... In the mountain..." He sputtered, barely able to get the words out.

"There we go..." Bill mused, nodding.

Pulling out his map, Hosea looked down at it and narrowed his eyes. They seemed to be about an hour's ride from the enemy encampment and Dutch wanted to make sure this was done by morning. Looking to the time, Hosea then frowned a bit, they took more time then he was expecting which meant they had to leave soon.

"Found it." He mentioned. "Follow the trails northeast, the waterfall near there feeds into the reservoir at camp." he explained, John scoffed and dropped the man to the ground as he disregarded the slight throbbing in his fist.

Arthur couldn't help but slightly stare dumbfoundedly at John, he wanted to do many things in that moment, namely just wrap John in his arms and beg him to tell him what had happened... But there would be time for that once this job was done. However as everyone disbanded to check the bodies of the fallen gang members, Hosea looked to Arthur.

"I think you young healthy boys have everything you need from me... Think you can handle the camp without me so I can get the wagon back?" He asked.

"O'course. You've done more than enough." Arthur granted, nodding and reaching forward, gently clapping Hosea's shoulder before letting him out of his sight.

It didn't take long for everyone to finish looting the bodies of the fallen, though there was one last thing that needed to be taken care of. Glancing over to the man still lying in a bloody heap on the floor, he trudged over and crouched over him while a frown made its way onto Arthur's face. John had really done a number on the guy and he only hit him a handful of times... Which meant he was really putting power behind his punches. Glancing over to John who started to walk toward Gypsy, Arthur took a breath before standing and made his way over to the other.

"Hey!" He called as he trotted, watching John turn to him... But that scary look didn't leave his eyes.

"What?" He asked simply enough, but there was something... Different about John.

"You wanna talk about..?" Arthur then inquired a bit softer, nodding in the collapsed stranger's direction, he watched John's eyes blankly scan over before resting back onto him.

"... Why would I? I was doing my job, Morgan." John replied smoothly as he went to turn again, but when Arthur's hand caught his shoulder and began to gently spin him around, he couldn't help but nearly throw Arthur's hand off of him out of disgust. "Don't touch me!" He snarled, watching Arthur actually take a step back away from him.

"John... The hell is going on with you all of a sudden?" Arthur asked still calm, but his suspicion was beginning to develop into real worry, John could see it in his eyes.

Unable to control the undeniable flutter in his heart, John quickly tore his gaze away from Arthur once again. At the moment that John took a breath, he reminded himself over and over again that the worse he acted the harder it would be to get away... Finally opening his eyes again he looked back to Arthur.

"... Sorry." He then said, calmer than before. "... I-I just..." he stumbled, biting his tongue as he tried to think of an excuse when a thought came to him, perhaps it was petty but John didn't care, finally managing a smile at Arthur and with every ounce of patience and will in his body, John spoke. "... Why don't you come by my tent later? We can talk then." He explained, feeling some satisfaction in knowing he _wouldn't _be there when Arthur returned.

Arthur finally felt a small wave of relief come over him and he managed a small smile back as well, and while he couldn't afford to look weak in front of John, the affection was written on his face. Nodding, Arthur gently and playfully bumped John's elbow with his before walking away from him so he could assemble the crew to go over the plan from this point on. Once everyone was mounted up, they all made their way toward Arthur and The Admiral who stood tall and proud, reaching down, Arthur patted the beast's neck.

"Alright, everyone bout ready to head out?" He inquired.

"Wait, whose gonna take care of him? What if he has more information?" Mac inquired, pointing to the motionless man.

Blinking, John inhaled sharply. This was his chance!

"Well... I dunno if he's got any more information left in his head after I knocked it to the ground, but I can linger back and catch up." He offered casually, watching Arthur look to him.

For just a moment, John felt guilty about the trust written inexplicably in his mentor's eyes... And then all at once, he didn't.

"Sounds good, try not to hang back too long alright Marston? We still need you." He reminded gently before looking to everyone and nodded. "Let's finish this gentlemen."

John watched as Arthur, Javier, Bill, Mac, and Davey started the short journey toward the Raven's encampment... For a few minutes, John sat there atop Gypsy while he processed his plan. It wasn't until the man on the ground began to release small pitiful grunts and groans that John slid off of his horse, beginning to trudge toward him. He felt a familiar _itch_ in his hand... John wanted to hit something and hit it until it felt just as badly as he did. Seeing the man look up at him weakly, fear illuminating his eyes, he could see the darkness that swelled in John's gaze.

"W-What're you gonna do to me..?" He asked.

"... Don't worry about it." John replied simply as he reached behind him, pulling out a double barrel.

"Wait-!"

_ **BANG** _ **.**

John ignored the slight splatter of blood that sprayed in his direction, he got off much better than Arthur who was almost literally _saturated_ in viscera... Just thinking of that man got John's blood boiling again, but that didn't matter now. He had to keep his head because it was time to take his own plan into action. Climbing onto Gypsy, John kicked her sides... And led her in the opposite direction of Arthur.

Time felt like it was flying as John drove, he had to remind himself to steer clear of Hosea and took a different route home, but Gypsy was faster than the wagon and when he could smell the familiar scent of campfire and roasting meat as he followed the river that drove toward the reservoir, he pulled back on her reins. Taking a breath he slipped off her saddle and carefully led her through the trees, only when he saw the glow of the campfire through the darkness in the woods did he stop. Silently hitching his horse to the trunk to keep her out of sight, John began to sneak slowly toward camp as he tried to gauge where everyone was.

Frowning when he couldn't find Abgiail, John kept to the outskirts, just meandering around in the dark until the back of his tent came into view. Taking a breath, John leaned up to the canvas from the back and listened inside, hearing nothing, John gulped.

"You're what!?" A sudden cry from Mary-Beth caught John's attention, jumping slightly as he looked to his left toward Pearson's wagon where he could finally see the girls surrounding Abigail slightly who adorned a nervous smile.

"Now it makes sense why you won't drink with us!" Karen laughed giddily.

"Oh, my goodness congratulations Abigail!" Tilly cheered.

"Will you keep your voices down!" Abigail shushed and glanced around quickly, making John whip back around and hide his face from view just to be safe. "I-I haven't even told Dutch..."

"Why not? I'm sure he'd be overjoyed." Karen mused.

"Y-You think so..?" Abigail inquired.

All John could hear was the beating of his heart as it pounded in his head. There was no coming back from this if he did it... There was no way he could ever face these people again knowing what he was about to do... But he couldn't bring himself to feel guilty enough to talk himself out of it. Knowing this was his best chance while Abigail was distracted, John crept over to the right side and peeked around, sighing in relief to see Dutch was sitting by the fire with Uncle and Pearson smoking his pipe while he watched Susan folding the last of the laundry for the night.

Taking a breath, John finally bit the bullet and raced around the right side of the tent where he was least likely to be seen and ducked inside as soon as he was able, his breaths coming out in short huffs as he listened outside. It seemed like he had gotten away with phase one... How in the hell was he supposed to do this successfully? Shaking his head, John knew that if he doubted himself now he would definitely fail... And then his plan would be out in the open and if Dutch caught him trying to desert them...

John gulped, suddenly this just got real... Loyalty mattered to Dutch... Especially _Arthur's_ loyalty, which is what John come to the conclusion that he would rather die than stay here any longer. It was just too painful.

Reaching into the chest, John pulled out his pack and swung it over his shoulder before his hand slithered beneath the cot and pulled out his other bag. He would have to make two trips... Which just made this twice as hard, but if he pulled it off once he could do it again. Carefully looking through the slit in the tent opening, John could still hear Abigail and the girls talking about the upcoming life that John never wanted to begin with... Poking his head out, once John determined that he was clear, just like before he shot out of the tent and slinked back into the darkness.

The whole process of the first trip as well as getting back into the tent had probably taken about twenty minutes. When he was finally back inside, sweat had formed at John's brow. This would be his greatest escape yet and he had escaped from multiple county jails in his time. Taking a breath, John pulled the last of his belongings off his cot which consisted of his pelts before carefully rolling them up and stuffing them in the bag. However as John readied to throw it over his shoulder as well, he noticed a folded up piece of paper on the floor... It must have gotten lost underneath his bedding.

Frowning, John knew that prudence dictated that he leave immediately... But he slowly set the bag back down and approached the cot, picking up the paper, John lowered himself onto the bed as he opened it up and the sight that greeted him made a hand come up to rest over his mouth in sheer disbelief...

It was a drawing... But from the angle, Arthur must have done it while he was still asleep, and while it was unclear when he had done it, whether it was in the shed or in the hotel, John was still asleep next to him, because the picture was of John's sleeping expression and his relaxed form was obviously curled up in Arthur's direction... It was almost as if for the first time John was seeing himself truly through Arthur's eyes...

A lump began to form in John's throat the longer he looked at the picture, but as his eyes scanned over the page... When they locked on the small, almost unnoticeable heart that was drawn at the bottom corner of the page... John broke all over again, he could see the tears beginning to drip down onto the page as the page began to tremble in his grasp.

For the first and last time... John doubted himself as he reached up with his other hand and delicately caressed the portrait.

Was this really wise? Was it worth leaving the gang, leaving the only life he knew because of this? What if it really wasn't as bad as it looked?

Though John soon reminded himself that if Arthur was doing sweet things like this for him, what was he doing for Dutch? Was he playing the same cards?

Did Dutch ever get to look in Arthur's journal..?

However as John sat there, it wasn't until footsteps passed close by his tent that he realized that he was still in very real danger. Quickly reaching up and wiping his eyes, John looked at the picture... And he was stuck there while he still held it, but he couldn't bring himself to toss it aside... So he did the next best thing. Pulling out his lighter, John watched as the parchment consumed itself in flames... And the view of him so peacefully asleep next to Arthur was finally gone for good.

Dropping it, John watched as it turned into nothing but ash on the dirt floor... Finally standing back up John walked to the doorway, taking one last look back to his empty tent it finally sunk in... He was leaving. Before his nerves could stop him a second time, John slipped out of the tent and back out to his horse with his bag. Walking over to Gypsy, John reached up and ran a hand over her snout before attaching the bag onto her saddle and made sure it was balanced properly on her back and lastly reaching into his satchel and offering a carrot to his reliable mount to which she snarfed up greedily to no ones surprise.

When John was on Gypsy's back once again... He turned back toward the camp, listening as their disembodied voices carried no hint of his disappearance and yet all John could hear were Arthur's words.

_You ain't a kid anymore, you're right... Now you're a man, men get shot, killed... Hanged, are you ready for those consequences?_

Once John left, he would have no protection, no money, and no purpose... But John turned back and disappeared out of sight for the final time.

It wasn't much longer than about fifteen minutes after John had followed through with his plan that Abigail found herself wandering towards his tent. She had been feeling a bit queazy and knew that the men wouldn't be coming home until late that night and her nerves about the situation didn't help her nausea. She finally felt a bit lighter having told Karen, Tilly, and Mary-Beth about her pregnancy, and when they were so happy it helped lighten the stress of the stigma she was worried about carrying along with the baby.

Reaching up and cupping a hand over her mouth as she yawned, Abigail rubbed her eyes as she brushed into the tent. When she took her hands away from her face she completely stopped in her tracks... John's tent... It was _completely _empty.

Her heart sunk... And even as her mind tried to convince herself that she shouldn't worry and perhaps there was a completely logical explanation for this her eyes landed on the chest at the end of the bare cot. Swallowing the bile that was threatening to erupt from her lips she took the two steps needed to approach it and every step felt like a mile... When she opened the empty chest... Abigail knew she couldn't deny it any longer... John was gone.

How? When?

... Why?

She stood, her heart feeling like it had exploded from her chest as she began to slowly back out of the tent almost as if not seeing it somehow made it better. Though as she backed out of the tent, her horrified and completely devastated expression must have tipped her off, because Hosea had relocated himself to the poker table just minutes after he had arrived back. Once he glanced up he could see something was horribly, horribly wrong. Hosea furrowed his brows slightly in surprise before he gently shut his book and stood, approaching her a bit cautiously.

"Abigail? What's goin' on, you alright?"

> I fell for your magic  
I tasted your skin  
And though this is tragic  
At least I found the end  
I witness your madness  
You shed light on my sins  
And if we share in this sadness  
Then where have you been?
> 
> I know you're not in love  
Like you used to be  
Guess I'm not the one  
Like you used to think  
So you just run  
I know that I'm stuck  
In this misery  
Guess I'm not enough  
Like you used to think  
So I'll just run
> 
> You bathe in your victory  
You blew out on my fuse  
And if I took on the planet  
Will I pay my dues?  
Your love was a mystery  
Yeah my love is a fool  
And I travel the country  
Just to get to you
> 
> I know you're not in love  
Like you used to be  
I guess I'm not the one  
Like you used to think  
So you just run  
I know that I'm stuck  
In this misery  
Guess I'm not enough  
Like you used to think  
So I'll just run
> 
> And I travel the country  
And I travel the country  
Just to get to you  
I know you're not in love  
I know you're not in love  
I know you're not in love
> 
> source: [Run by Joji](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P2YYk-oZFyI)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So let me just say, I had planned for this to be the finale for the second part and leave you guys with an extra-long final chapter, HOWEVER, there was so much heartbreak and so much shit that I have to include that I have already DOUBLED the word count for the final chapter so I have decided to cut it into two (possibly three but I'm hoping two lmao) parts. I hope you guys are enjoying and thank you SO MUCH for your kindness on the last chapter! I was cryinggggggggg. T.T  
-Eros


	35. Chapter 35

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Holy shit alright before we get into the finale of this part, can I say thank you guys so fucking much??? I've received so many kind words and encouragement from so many people even after I had abandoned this fic for SIX MONTHS. Thank you all again so much, I hope everyone enjoys the extra-long final chapter!  
-Eros

Panting, Arthur glanced up as he stood over the corpse of the once infamous Everett Russel. Had things been different here, Arthur might have considered hunting him for the bounty, but no matter now and he had to admit, they put up at least half a fight. The company had ambushed them expertly and Arthur was correct that they had suffered a few losses, but any losses for them were a win for the Van der Lindes. Reaching up, Arthur wiped the sweat he had gathered hunting these bastards down before he looked out to the faces that remained among him.

He was actually somewhat surprised that he was pleased that everyone had made it out of the scrap alive... Except for one, though Arthur was sure he wasn't dead. Wondering if he had shown up at some point during the shootout, Arthur looked for John. Frowning when his eyes couldn't find him Arthur sighed, he was definitely too attached to that boy, because Arthur knew that if John had pulled this kind of stunt before they had started sleeping together again he would be fuming... Now he was trying to figure out if he should be pissed or worried... But John was more than capable of defending himself, and that man John had beaten down posed literally no threat to him whatsoever unless... Could Colm have somehow intercepted him?

"You thinking about John?" Bill asked as he approached, a brow arched.

"You don't need to worry about what I'm thinkin' Bill, that's the beauty of it." Arthur replied casually as he turned away and began to looked around the camp for valuables.

"That's all you got to say about this!? If I hadn't shown up like that I'd never hear the end of it! I keep tellin' Hosea now I'm gonna tell you, you're too soft on that little shit." Bill hissed maliciously.

"Bill, I'll take care of it when I see him." Arthur sighed. "But that's something for _me _to worry about, not you." He reminded, though as Bill turned toward him to argue some more, Arthur's firm and challenging expression dared him to say more, though he huffed audibly before storming away to continue looting the bodies.

Reaching up and pinching the bridge of his nose, Arthur couldn't help but be annoyed. He _told_ John to hurry up and eventually they couldn't keep waiting for him. The Raven's didn't pose nearly as much of a threat as Arthur was hoping for but that didn't change that John should have been here... He had been acting so strange but he thought they had made some footwork back at the ambush site, hell John even smiled at him!

Finally reminding himself that this wasn't over, they had to get out of here before anyone came sniffing around for the source of the sound, law, or otherwise, Arthur picked himself back up and trudged toward the small band of gunman.

"Alright, I'm gonna stick around to see if they have any cash leftover but ya'll start heading back. I work faster alone." He dismissed.

"Don't gotta tell me twice." Mac chortled as he and Davey exchanged a nod, turning back toward their horses.

"You sure Arthur?" Javier inquired, approaching him.

"Yeah... Uh hey!" He called after Javier as he turned away toward his ride. "... Thanks. You've been... Well, I'm glad you're with us." He stated seriously, watching surprise wash over Javier's expression.

"... Me too." He eventually said, nodding back with a brief smile before taking his leave followed by Bill.

"And make sure you ain't followed!" Arthur yelled to the group of degenerates as they rode away and only when he was finally alone, did he adorn a small exhausted smile.

Despite the events of the night and Bill's attitude, Arthur couldn't deny that they had a solid team... The only thing that would have made it better was currently missing. The smile was short-lived but Arthur didn't waste time getting back to work. He did manage to find a couple hundred dollars left behind by their friends but seeing how many liquor bottles that were littered around the camp, Arthur didn't need a degree to figure out where the rest went. Though as he went to approach The Admiral, he recalled that he should probably take something as proof of their work for Amelia.

Walking back over to Everett's corpse, Arthur surfed through his pockets looking for anything that stuck out as a trademark of any kind. However, when Arthur noted a sharp object in his inner lining, he carefully pulled it out only to see that it was a ring of interesting lock picks, they were obviously custom and handmade as well as being in impeccable shape. Narrowing his eyes, Arthur noted an engraving on one of the picks, and bringing it a little closer he noted a name.

_George._

"George." Arthur repeated softly out loud with a small hum before he slipped it into his satchel and walked back to his loyal horse.

Reaching up Arthur gently rubbed his muzzle before stepping up into the stirrups and starting off back toward home. He kept his eyes out for John and frowned the closer he got to camp as a tight hard ball started to form in his stomach. Something was off, Arthur could feel it in the air, something somewhere had gone wrong... Kicking The Admiral harder Arthur galloped toward camp and once he could see the canvas in the distance he could definitely hear a commotion, which only made his stomach churn.

Upon walking up to the hitching post, he could see a crowd by he and Dutch's tent, but before he could even make his way over there, Hosea was basically shoving passed people and sprinting toward him. Arthur couldn't ever remember seeing Hosea so panicked.

"Arthur! Arthur, have you seen John!?" He asked frantically once he got in front of Arthur and suddenly that worry that Arthur felt became full-blown panic.

"No? Why, what's goin' on?" He asked seriously, but he watched Hosea's expression hesitate before falling.

"... He's gone."

** _BA-BUMP._ **

Blinking, at first Arthur didn't understand what Hosea had meant, but why would Hosea ask him if he had seen John if he knew that John was dead? Looking passed Hosea, Arthur's eyes suddenly locked onto a sobbing Abigail as she sat by the fire being comforted by all three of the girls and Dutch while everyone hustled around trying to find any trace of John.

Reaching out, Arthur gently ushered Hosea aside as he started walking toward John's tent... Everything seemed to be going in slow motion as he did so all while he prayed that this was a terrible nightmare. There was no way John was gone, there had to be a mistake!

_Why don't you come by my tent later? We can talk then._

Pushing the fabric aside and ducking into the tent... The sight that greeted him was the worst horror Arthur could have experienced because now this was real. John's tent was stripped barren... He could see that the chest was empty from when Abigail had opened it previously and for a few moments Arthur stood rigid, unable to do anything. After what had felt like eons, Arthur walked forward, his expression one of utter shock as he continued to look around the tent until he finally sat down on John's cot.

_Why don't you come by my tent later? We can talk then._

But... John told him he wanted to talk... John was the one who wanted to meet him here! It didn't make sense! Why would he..?

Unless it was intentional.

But why..?

_Why?_

Arthur stood quickly, he had to get the fuck out of here, he had to get away from all of this... He couldn't stand to be here, in the same room that John once slept in only to see it bare as if he had never existed. Beginning to hyperventilate Arthur nearly stumbled out of the tent and when he was outside he almost gasped for air... But it was Abigail's devastated cries that brought Arthur out of his head...

Looking over, once more everything and everyone seemed to be in slow motion, he could see Abigail holding onto Mary-Beth for dear life while Tilly rubbed her back and Karen stroked her hair... Her expression was nothing short of torture... And Arthur had done it to her.

For the first time... Arthur couldn't be strong anymore.

Turning away without a second thought, Arthur began sprinting toward the reservoir. Afraid that if he stayed any longer he would shatter in front of the people who had built him into what he was, and neither he nor they deserved that. He ran, and he kept running until he reached the water's edge when the burning in his lungs felt unbearable. Arthur heaved in breath after breath, yet he still felt like his chest was on fire even as he regained his breathing... The first thing he did was wash the rest of that goddamn blood off his face.

Falling back onto his rear once he was finished despite the near painful stinging of the freezing water, it was then that Arthur finally cradled his head in his hands as he tried to quiet the many, _many_ thoughts in his head. Why? Why did John leave? Why would he leave but give no indication of it whatsoever..?

... Was it the baby?

The thought that John could have left because of the child that _Arthur _had planted in Abigail threatened to break whatever sanity that remained intact within him. Was that why John had acted to erratically earlier today?

Arthur couldn't tell what hurt worse, the fact that John had left, or the fact that he didn't know why.

* * *

"Darlin' don't you worry, surely there has to be some kind of-"

"Arthur! Arthur have you seen John!?" The sound of Hosea's questions caught Dutch's attention as he was poised knelt in front of Abigail once he had arrived back.

Seeing the interaction go down between Arthur and Hosea, despite not being close enough to hear exactly what was said, seeing the complete shock wash over Arthur it was safe to assume that no, Arthur hadn't seen him... And while Dutch wanted to go see Arthur to ask more questions, seeing the somewhat blank stare come over his partner as he walked into John's tent... He knew he needed to let Arthur be at least for the moment.

However, as he looked back up to Abigail's eyes, she was looking at him... And Dutch opened his mouth to say more words of encouragement to her, but nothing came out... And Abigail eventually looked away and took her hands out of Dutch's, realizing that not even he could fix this. Dutch bit his tongue, trying to think of _anything_ to say... But he soon realized there was nothing he could say that would take this hurt away from his family.

Looking back over when Arthur finally walked out of John's tent... Seeing him physically run away hurt something deep in Dutch's soul. Arthur hadn't run from anything since he was that scared child that he and Hosea had picked up well over a decade ago.

"You should go after him..." Hosea muttered, his voice wavering and his words trailing off.

As Dutch glanced over to one of his closest friends, Hosea was turned away... This was threatening to break him as well, and while Dutch didn't catch it right away, after a moment of analyzing his words it became clear.

_You should go after him... Because I can't._

Sighing, Dutch nodded before he finally stood back up. Through all of this, he wanted to believe that John hadn't deserted them, that this was just a huge misunderstanding... But hearing Hosea's voice tremble with grief was almost too much even for Dutch...

_You always make excuses for me Arthur... Not anymore_

Swallowing down his own sorrow, Dutch reached forward and rested a hand upon Hosea's back for a moment of comfort before he started after Arthur. Even though he literally _couldn't _run yet, Dutch tried to hurry as best he could and it wasn't long before he came upon a hunched over figure by the shore. All Dutch could remember was his conversation with Arthur just days prior... And he knew the only way to prove that he was worthy of leading this family was to see them through this, and that included Arthur.

"Arthur..." He said softly, looking at the men about six feet away from him.

Arthur's form tensed when he had been found, but he didn't move. He couldn't, he felt paralyzed by his own anguish. Taking a breath, Dutch knew there was one thing he had to ask Arthur.

"Listen, son..." He muttered as he went to Arthur's side. "... He didn't say anything to you? I knew you were close." He sighed, reaching out and resting a hand on Arthur's shoulder.

"... He didn't." Arthur managed to say, his voice hollow of emotion.

"You sure..? There was nothing that could have-"

"HE DIDN'T!" Arthur suddenly screamed as he whipped his head toward Dutch, his voice shrill and unguarded, it almost didn't even sound like him and Dutch could already see the crazed look in his eyes... Arthur was broken.

Dutch knew Arthur wouldn't aid John to desert them, but he knew they were close... Closer than most, if anyone knew anything about his disappearance would have been Arthur, but he looked absolutely tormented, and though under normal circumstances Arthur would have reeled himself back for coming unglued the way he did... It was as if letting go of some of that hurt finally opened the flood gates because his breathing began to spasm into short rapid breaths and the tears began to pour as the shock was wearing off... And only agony remained.

Without any more hesitation, Dutch reached forward and gripped a fistful of Arthur's shirt and yanked him forward, embracing him tighter than he ever had as one hand came up to cradle the back of Arthur's head while the other held him almost in a death grip, knowing that he had to hold onto Arthur to keep him there in the moment despite the bloody mess of his clothing.

What ensued were some of the most tortured minutes of Dutch's life, there was no question how close he and Arthur were, to say that they were _close _was an understatement... But hearing Arthur's sobbing beginning to turn into nothing but wailing and near screams of despair as he shook in Dutch's grasp... It was haunting, he had _never_ seen Arthur suffer so greatly, but he just sat there silently and held him.

At one point, Dutch's own grasp began to waver, Arthur's pain so transparent it was beginning to weaken Dutch's resolve to stay strong for him as tears rolled down his cheeks but he was motionless and managed to inhale long enough to get his bearings once again. Only when Arthur had exhausted himself did Dutch pull back only to see that blank hollow look that had scared Dutch the first time he had seen it when Hosea had confronted him.

"Arthur." He whispered, his hands coming up to cradle his cheeks in his palms. "Come back to me, brother." He begged. "You gotta hold it together, c'mon." He encouraged.

It took a few moments... But eventually, Arthur exhausted oceans looked up to meet his ebony hues and Dutch breathed an audible sigh of relief and a small smile came to his face as a few more tears fell from his eyes. Though he was quick to reach up and wipe them when he looked to Arthur's eyes again his hands moved to rest firmly on his shoulders.

"... We're gonna be alright. Breathe." He instructed, watching Arthur finally beginning to come back little by little. "... C'mon, let's go home."

Blinking, Arthur's gaze shifted out to the water, a chill was in the air though he hadn't even felt it until he finally noticed the fog billowing from his lips with each huff of breath. He could hear Dutch, and even though he had finally exhausted himself he was still far from okay.

_I love you, you asshole._

_You make me think things are possible for us._

Forcing himself to inhale again, Arthur shut his eyes as he recalled Abigail's own sorrow. He had done this to her... If he would have just taken responsibility for his child he could have saved her all of this heartbreak... But he was too selfish, too worried about how hurt he could be by it even though he had participated in making that baby _just _as much as she had. Reaching up, Arthur finally reached up and wiped his tears away before he opened his bloodshot eyes and nodded silently to Dutch's words.

Frowning once more, Dutch stood and held out a hand for Arthur, but for once Arthur didn't accept it. He was too damaged to rely on anyone else anymore and he knew it would probably be a long time before he would be able to get there again, he nodded to Dutch again to acknowledge it, but without a word, he began walking back toward camp. As they walked, Dutch wanted to say plenty but he knew he wanted to talk because it was easier on _him_, but now he was putting someone else's needs above his own.

Feeling a chill weave through the trees, Arthur felt that it was fitting... And almost as if the cosmos were laughing at him, it began to snow. The first snow of the year, while light almost as if it were just a whisper of the pain to come, the white particles danced with each other in the wind, fell today of all times... Arthur actually released a bitter laugh into the air, shaking his head as more tears threatened to spill over but he quickly felt a hand clap onto his shoulder while they walked, and while Dutch still remained silent, his grip was solid, supportive... And Arthur was able to reel it back in.

Camp was still chaos when they returned, mostly because Bill was on a rampage about how he _knew_ John was too spoiled, and the twins fed into it by asking sarcastic questions and fueling his fire. Abigail was gone, but Arthur figured she couldn't have gone far. Hosea glanced over as he saw Dutch and Arthur return, he still seemed together despite his moment of weakness, but he was still obviously torn up about the situation, as he walked toward them, Arthur listened to the conversation.

"Were you jealous of the kid or something?" Mac chortled as he and Davey relaxed by the fire while Bill paced around like a raving lunatic.

"Abso-goddamn-lutely not! That fucking kid! He's never understood how good he's had it! Ever since I met him he's always been a disrespectful little shit! To do this to Dutch after all he's done for him!" He raged.

"Williamson cool it!" Javier groaned in an exasperated fashion as he reached up and pinched the bridge of his nose.

"Don't you tell me to cool it you junked up little greaser!" Bill bellowed, Javier slowly looked up from where he was sitting, the look in his eye having completely changed.

"Looks like we're gonna see a regular ol' cock fight." Davey snickered as Javier began to rise from his seat.

Arthur's breathing began to shift, he began to breathe slowly and deeply... His fists beginning to shake as the sorrow he had been feeling began to morph into a fury that Arthur hadn't felt in years. He couldn't fucking think with those fucking imbeciles arguing over something that didn't even concern them, as Hosea finally got to Dutch and Arthur's side, he looked up and Hosea arched his brows.

"... Hosea." Arthur breathed, his tone soft. "... Shut them... The _fuck_ up." He seethed.

Blinking, Hosea slightly gawked at Arthur, but he was quick to clear his throat and begin walking back toward the fight that was brewing.

"Alright, this needs to stop, come on now!" Hosea barked.

"How many times did I tell you that you were too soft on him old man!?" Bill shouted back.

"Christ Bill, shut up!" Susan hissed, finally losing her temper as well.

"Who the hell are you to tell me to shut up!"

"If you don't, I'm gonna shut you the hell up." Javier growled.

Seeing Hosea becoming flustered at Bill's slightly harsh jab and the voices around camp pounding on his head nearly as loud as his own hating himself, Arthur began to walk forward to Dutch's dismay.

"Whoa, whoa, wait Arthur." Dutch tried to calm, but it fell on deaf ears as Arthur physically moved Dutch out of his way by shoving him before rearing his fist back and throwing it violently into Bill's cheek, sending him to the floor nearly as quickly as it had come in contact with him.

"YOU DON'T GET TO BE ANGRY!" Arthur screamed as he stood over Bill, once more his voice morphing into that vulnerable grief-stricken tone that made just about anyone's heart ache. "You don't get to get to tell us what we should have done better!" He bellowed, the sheer anguish that Arthur was feeling was so transparent that it even wiped the smirks off of Mac and Davey's faces and the camp fell silent. "He was a goddamn son to these two! He was my-..." Arthur's voice stopped as his head tilted up and he took a few breaths.

While he wasn't sure how, he kept in the tears that threatened to boil over... But the next time he looked at Bill as he groaned and held his jaw, his gaze became that twisted shattered rage that he had felt upon seeing Colm again.

"He's gone! But I swear to god... If you say one more... Goddamn word about him..." Arthur sneered, his gaze boring into Bill's as air in the camp grew heavy once Arthur drew his revolver and pointed it down at the other man beneath him. "I will fucking kill you! You don't get to say those goddamn things about him! You fucking get it!?"

Bill stared up at Arthur, and Arthur relished the fear he saw in that drunk miserable bastard's eyes. He _wanted_ to be feared... It was a hell of a lot easier than being loved, and as Bill slowly nodded, Arthur quickly looked up, his gaze briefly settling on Mac, Davey, and Javier who looked just about as nervous as Bill did.

"Now get back to fucking work!" He howled, watching the two brothers scramble up and away from him as well as Bill, and Javier didn't hesitate to turn away to do as Arthur commanded.

Arthur huffed in time with his breaths, puffs of mist erupting from his mouth as he did so as he looked around, Karen, Tilly, Mary-Beth and even Susan and Pearson stared at him in complete awe of what had just transpired and at the moment Arthur's rage fed off of it... But as he looked over and saw Abigail's face poking out of the tent she had been staying in and gawking at him too, Arthur could see it... She was frightened of him.

Quickly looking away, not wanting to look at her while he still felt volatile, Arthur didn't want her to have that look in his eyes etched in her brain. Finally taking another breath, Arthur placed his gun back in its holster as Dutch slowly came around to his front, his expression nothing short of concern, but when Arthur looked to Hosea, he watched as the other apologetically nodded.

Reaching forward, Arthur gently clapped Hosea's shoulder before he began walking toward his and Dutch's tent, he desperately needed to change his shirt.

When he was finally alone, Arthur didn't hesitate to reach up to rip open his shirt. He'd probably just end up burning this one anyway... Buttons flew carelessly as Arthur dropped the ruined fabric, but hearing a _clink_ hit the floor, Arthur arched a brow as he knelt and reached into the breast pocket... His watch.

_Cas Morgan._

Blinking, Arthur dropped it as if it had burned his hand and stood up, staring down at it almost in disgust. He stood there, staring at the contraption for much longer than he was proud of admitting as many emotions flowed through his body yet again.

_... This was the best gift anyone had ever given me._

Without any hesitation, Arthur stomped down, crushing the watch without a second thought and blinked somewhat surprised at his own actions... But he didn't regret it. Shaking his head, Arthur then walked over to a bucket of ice-cold water, reaching in to grab the rag that happened to reside hanging over the edge just so he could make sure that he wiped away the rest of the blood that had stuck to his skin after the shooting.

Arthur wasn't surprised when Dutch walked in not long after and he couldn't help his stride slightly faltering as he saw Arthur shirtless and wet, but his attraction quickly morphed into worry.

"Damn Arthur, you tryin' to catch hypothermia?" He asked, quickly walking forward and snatching a stray towel that hung up sloppily in the tent he approached Arthur.

"I'm fine." Arthur replied, nearly snatching the towel from Dutch and drying himself off before brushing passed the other to look through his belongings.

Frowning, Dutch watched the interaction and sighed quietly, though Arthur's movements paused and he too exhaled. Things couldn't go back to the way they were... And now Arthur had to deal with the pain of knowing that.

"Sorry." He mumbled.

"I-It's alright..." Dutch muttered.

"No, Dutch. It's not." Arthur replied seriously, turning back to him, his eyes ablaze with fear. "... And neither of you." He added, watching Dutch flinch and look away.

And now, there was only one thing left to do, the thing he should have done weeks ago... Slipping a new shirt on, Arthur approached Dutch and stopped only when they were less than a foot apart. Reaching up, Arthur ran his hand through Dutch's mane of curly locks as he took a breath and closed his eyes.

"I-I can't..." He mumbled, opening his eyes to see that slight shocked and hurt cross Dutch's eyes, and Arthur felt even shittier for doing this now, but he couldn't wait any longer. "... Not anymore. I can't, this is just... So fucked up."

Dutch couldn't argue with that, but the look in Arthur's eyes, this was a different type of heartbreak than losing a family member... But as soon as it crossed Arthur's gaze it left and he was quick to lean in, pressing his lips against Dutch's, momentarily distracting him from his train of thought and unable to stop himself from melting into the gesture no matter how sad it was.

When Arthur pulled away, he turned away and back to his side of the tent, knowing that he couldn't afford to go back on it now. Even if John was gone, it didn't change the fact that he had been using Dutch, and that was wrong. Though before Arthur even turned to leave, someone else suddenly came in, and glancing over he was shocked to see Abigail standing there.

"Abigail..." He muttered, staring at her slightly dumbfounded, he thought she wanted nothing to do with him after that monstrous display.

"Arthur um... C-Can I stay with you tonight?" She asked, uncaring that Dutch was standing there, it's not like she knew what had been going on between them anyway.

The surprise was evident on Arthur's face as he glanced over to Dutch who was quick to clear his throat and nod.

"Of course... I can stay in John's tent tonight." He offered before he looked to Abigail and then back to Arthur, whose gaze was full of nothing but remorse, he knew it couldn't have felt good to be kicked to the curb only to be replaced right then and there, even if it wasn't exactly the way it looked.

After Dutch made way out of the tent, Arthur's gaze followed him and he exhaled slowly as he reached up and rubbed his eyes in a frustrated manner. He was such a fucking asshole.

"I-I'm sorry if I was interruptin' anything." Abigail then muttered sensing the tension in the air, and Arthur was quick to refocus back on her. "A-And I'm sorry for springing this on you. I-I know that you didn't even-" Suddenly Abigail was enveloped in Arthur's arms.

"... You don't got nothin' to be sorry for." He whispered, feeling Abigail's tiny body beginning to tremble with grief before she was breaking down again, her tears wetting Arthur's shoulder and he was quick to pick her up in his arms so she could cry freely.

"Why Arthur..? W-Why would he do this..? Was it me?" She whimpered, nearly shattering Arthur beyond repair.

"I dunno... I'm not a smart man, but what I do know is that it wasn't you." He vowed, reaching up and caressing her hair. "... I gotchu." He then said, feeling Abigail's trembling finally cease, only when he gently set Abigail to her feet, he reached up and wiped her tears away. "C'mon... I'm exhausted." He sighed.

Swallowing harshly, Abigail nodded before she departed the tent so that she could just get a few things for the night while Arthur took off the shirt he had _just_ put on. He didn't give a damn about much of anything anymore. However, while Abigail was gone Arthur readied their bedding, making sure it was as comfortable as it was going to get for her since they were set up on the floor after Arthur had conveniently kicked the now-broken watch out of his way.

Arthur didn't wait in laying down after dimming the lantern and placing it by his head. As he laid on his back staring up at the ceiling, Arthur hated himself... Because he couldn't help wondering where John was... If he was safe... If he was warm...

Thankfully before Arthur could become too angry or too heartbroken again, Abigail slipped back inside adorning a simple nightgown and Arthur couldn't deny her beauty. Without saying anything, Abigail gulped and walked forward, carefully getting to her hands and knees before crawling between the multitude of pelts that Arthur gathered for them, and once she had snuggled in comfortably, Arthur turned off the lantern completely to cascade them into darkness.

"You're gonna be cold in the mornin'." Arthur managed to tease, albeit gently, though he had every intention of giving her one of his coats when she awoke.

"I don't care." She sighed tiredly, though she was quick to nuzzle up to Arthur's side and he was just as fast to wrap his arm around her and bring her closer. "... You mind?"

"O'course not... I gotcha remember? You're covered." He reassured, rubbing her back gently as she rested her head on his chest, and despite how hurt she had been earlier, there was finally a sense of relief and comfort seeing as Arthur was holding up his end of the bargain, for now, Abigail didn't hold her breath after what happened with John but she appreciated him nonetheless. "... I'm sorry about earlier." Arthur then said to her in the darkness, and though there was a pause in the air, Abigail breathed in deeply.

"... I'm sorry for your loss." She replied, feeling Arthur's chest shudder in a way as the emotions hit him again, but after a few moments he had regained his composure.

"... And I'm sorry for yours."

* * *

It was a week later when they were finally packing up, Dutch and Arthur still had to stop by Ivy's estate to pick up their money. Despite the way things with he and Dutch ended, Arthur had to admit Dutch was handling it well. Every now and again there was a sting of pain that came with the reminder that nothing would ever be the same again, but it was like they hadn't missed a beat at least within the company of everyone else.

Abigail only stayed the one night with Arthur, though he had plans for the future he needed a little time to himself. He wasn't sure if he'd ever be able to fully commit to her, but he would keep his promise and support her. Only time would tell what that meant.

"Arthur!" Dutch called just as the stubbled man exited their tent, Arthur could see him standing next to The Count and waving.

Tilting his head slightly, Arthur walked toward him and while he wanted Dutch to still take it easy, he no longer had the energy to berate him anymore. It had been three weeks since his wound after all and a week since John had disappeared... There had been no sign of him no matter how many times they searched the area, it was as if he had vanished off the face of the earth. Quickly shoving thoughts of the traitor down, Arthur approached Dutch, watching as the other climbed into his saddle without as much as a grunt.

"You coming with me to that woman's house?" He asked.

"Oh, yeah of course." Arthur replied somewhat surprised that he had forgotten.

The ride was quiet... Like it used to be before Arthur and Dutch got close. Arthur wasn't sure what he hated more, being with Dutch and using him or not being with him at all and feeling the wall between them, and he felt worse for dropping Dutch like a fly when the other needed him most.

"Hey um..." Arthur mumbled as they galloped, seeing Dutch glance over to him.

"What is it, Arthur?" He inquired.

"Uh... A-Abigail and I... We aren't..." He muttered now that they finally had some time alone, arching a brow over at Arthur, Dutch pulled the reins back on The Count so he and Arthur could talk a bit more easily. "I-I mean we were before but... When she got with John I got out of the picture." He tried to explain clumsily.

"Arthur, you don't owe me an explanation." Dutch suddenly replied, his expression hard and serious but it soon softened. "... You don't owe anyone anything." He then added, nodding.

Arthur felt a huge weight lift from his shoulders and while he knew things would feel weird with Dutch for a while yet, Arthur felt like they were at least on the road to getting back to normal. If he was honest with himself, Arthur didn't think anything would be normal with anyone for a long,_ long_ time... He had relied on John too much for his happiness and he let his guard down, he should have known better.

Thankfully as their horses' hooves began to click and clack on the pavement, Arthur began to count how many times they did so to keep himself from going insane. For once, Arthur was actually relieved to see the mansion showing up in the distance and was thankful that he and Dutch were still allowed through the front gates, though all of his relief flew out the window when he saw Trelawny's horse... And Arthur sighed.

It wasn't that he didn't like Trelawny, quite the opposite, Arthur found him entertaining in a way even though he wasn't a regular amongst them, at least he was loyal... However, he was also somewhat insufferable in his own way, and it was unintentional. He just wasn't sure how long he would be able to handle Josiah... Perhaps he could get away and visit with the kids.

A butler was quick to lead them to the parlor now that the weather had taken a turn, it was no longer warm enough to sit outside with a fan. Ivy was sitting on a sofa with Trelawny sitting across from her with a beverage.

"I thought I heard tales of you two drummin' up drama here." Ivy chortled as she glanced over.

"You heard correct." Dutch chuckled and nodded his head politely to her as she stood up to greet him.

Arthur wished that he could be interested in the conversation about the money they'd be receiving but he just felt... Empty, hollow. Releasing a small sigh, Arthur turned to the fireplace that was emitting heat and just focused on the warmth cascading over him until he saw someone peeking into the room, turning his head, he saw Jacob peering around the corner of the entryway, though as soon as Arthur saw him he was quick to disappear.

"Hey, I'll be back... I'm gonna go find the boy." Arthur announced as he began walking toward the exit.

"Bring both of them here when you find them!" Dutch called.

Recalling the plan to give them half of the cash they had been promised, Arthur nodded and continued on his way out of the door. However before he could begin his search for the crafty little boy, a hand caught his shoulder. Slightly surprising him Arthur jumped and turned to see that Trelawny had actually followed him out of the room.

"Sorry, my boy I didn't mean to frighten you... I just came out here to tell you I'm sorry." He muttered, shocking Arthur to the very least, he truly didn't think Josiah had a heart.

"... You know?"

"Well, Dutch and I have been corresponding a bit here and there, a couple of days ago he wrote to me asking if I had seen John... I'll do my best to find him-"

"Don't." Arthur suddenly interrupted, though he was calm, his voice hinted a warning of his temper. "... I'm not gonna go after him and force him to come back, if he left... That's on him." He explained but he reached out anyway and rested a palm onto Josiah's shoulder, he knew the other was coming from a good place after all.

"Of course..." Trelawny muttered with a small sigh, even he liked John and it saddened him to know of his betrayal.

"You know where the girl and her brother are?" Arthur then asked, taking his hand away to hopefully forget about John.

"Oh, I'm pretty sure I saw them in the study." Josiah replied and Arthur didn't hesitate on turning away.

Taking a breath as he walked, Arthur eventually ended up having to ask where the study was and was guided up the stairs into a room with what felt like thousands of books lined up to the very ceiling on an abundance of shelves. A study? More like a damn library, but it didn't take long for him to find Amelia who was sitting in a nook of a nearby window reading a book peacefully when she glanced up and saw Arthur she gasped.

"Arthur!" She nearly cheered, running over to him and hugging him tightly to his shock. "I-I heard about... You really?" She asked after pulling away and looking up to Arthur with a sense of nervous optimism that Arthur couldn't help but find charming, and when he smiled and nodded he could see the weight leave Amelia's shoulders.

"I uh, also have something for you... I saved it for proof but you should have it anyway." He offered, reaching into his satchel and pulling out the ring of picks.

Seeing the objects, Amelia's eyes doubled in size and she actually hesitated as she reached out and took the metal rods from Arthur's grasp. As she looked at each one of them her lips pursed into a thin line as she saw the engraving on the last piece... Arthur almost wondered if there was something wrong with it, but seeing tears beginning to well in her eyes his heart ached.

"This... This belonged to my pa." She whimpered as a hand reached up to cup over her mouth as the emotions she wasn't prepared for hit her like a freight train. "... T-They stole this off him before he was even cold." Amelia then sniffed as she reached up to try and dry her tears before she looked up to Arthur. "... Thank you."

Sighing, Arthur remembered he wasn't the only one suffering from a loss, reaching up he carefully wiped away the last few stray tears off of Amelia's face as she gathered her composure, glancing to his right... He could see a familiar little boy hiding underneath a desk and peeking at him.

"I see you, ya know." He chuckled, unable to stop himself and watching as Amelia turned as well.

"Jacob... W-What are you doing hiding from Mister Morgan?" She suddenly giggled, reaching up and wiping her eyes again at the sight of him crawling out from his hiding place and soon ran over to hug Arthur's legs, to which Arthur obliged by kneeling so he could embrace the boy properly.

"You're good kid, I won't lie." He chuckled, remembering how Jacob had basically disappeared the first time Arthur saw him, but recalling the other reason he came, he looked back to Amelia. "You wanna come with me? Dutch has something he wants to give you as well."

Tilting her head, the confusion in the girl's eyes made Arthur's heart flutter, for the first time in days he felt like he was finally doing something good... Knowing they were about to change her and this boy's life for the better, he didn't hesitate on picking up Jacob in his arms and offering a small lopsided smile to her before stepping aside and allowing her to go passed him.

She was puzzled there was no doubt, but as Arthur walked behind her, he studied the way Amelia walked and the way her hair cascaded down her back... She was easy to focus on, perhaps Arthur would draw her later, and with every step... Arthur began to leave his pain behind him. There would be time for more later tonight when he sat alone with a bottle, he knew that, but for the moment... Arthur looked to Jacob who grinned at him and leaned his head into Arthur's broad shoulder, the innocence in his eyes reminding Arthur of what he would be experiencing all over again... Losing one life for the next.

_ **FIN.** _

> I fell by the wayside like everyone else  
I hate you, I hate you, I hate you, but I was just kidding myself  
Our every moment, I start to replace  
'Cause now that they're gone, all I hear are the words that I needed to say
> 
>   
When you hurt under the surface  
Like troubled water running cold  
Well, time can heal, but this won't
> 
>   
So, before you go  
Was there something I could've said to make your heart beat better?  
If only I'd have known you had a storm to weather  
So, before you go  
Was there something I could've said to make it all stop hurting?  
It kills me how your mind can make you feel so worthless  
So, before you go
> 
>   
Was never the right time, whenever you called  
Went little by little by little until there was nothing at all  
Our every moment, I start to replay  
But all I can think about is seeing that look on your face
> 
>   
When you hurt under the surface  
Like troubled water running cold  
Well, some can heal, but this won't
> 
>   
So, before you go  
Was there something I could've said to make your heart beat better?  
If only I'd have known you had a storm to weather  
So, before you go  
Was there something I could've said to make it all stop hurting?  
It kills me how your mind can make you feel so worthless  
So, before you go
> 
>   
Would we be better off by now  
If I'd have let my walls come down?  
Maybe, I guess we'll never know  
You know, you know
> 
>   
Before you go  
Was there something I could've said to make your heart beat better?  
If only I'd have known you had a storm to weather  
So, before you go  
Was there something I could've said to make it all stop hurting?  
It kills me how your mind can make you feel so worthless  
So, before you go
> 
> source: [Before You Go by Lewis Capaldi](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tpmawc8gAjY)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> RIGHT. I won't lie, I cried lmao, I know I kind of ended this fic off somewhat abruptly and had planned on adding a bit more but honestly, it felt so right to leave it where it was? Have no fear I plan on releasing the next part ASAP! I hope everyone enjoyed the BRUTAL ending to this part and are excited for the rest! One more time (who am I kidding I'll keep saying this till I die) thank you so much! Your guys' words of encouragement really kept me writing through my hardships!  
-Eros


End file.
